Random Xpat Rantings

Contemplative dominance for the modern man

Red Herrings and Disimulation – what you mean we should take viagra and not punish regret rape?!1

Posted by xsplat on February 8, 2016

evilwhitemalempire:

Oh, so the solution to stopping FRAs is for men to dope up on Viagra and crystal meth whenever they have sex?
How about holding liars accountable for lying?

We even hold children accountable for that.

We can’t hold women to the same standard?

Who are you talking to?

Oh, so the solution is to strawman?

What does holding criminals accountable have to do with the thrust of this post, which is a paranoid over-focus on a preventable event?

If you can’t even acknowledge that focus then think about talking to women who are paranoid about real rape. Then imagine your response if they responded to you as you did. “What, so the solution is to not punish rape?”

What? Who are you even talking to?

The reasons that women are not sexually satisfied include far more than staying power. Mostly it’s about emotional connection.

Something that people with schizoid personality disorder are not capable of.

Read https://daryushvalizadeh.wordpress.com/ and http://www.vox.com/2016/2/6/10926872/roosh-pro-rape-rallies and tell me if you think that the women Roosh is talking about would have felt emotionally cared for and sexually satisfied.

“I went so fast in her bedroom. Clothes ripped off. Jam the dick inside. Barely any kissing. she was too drunk to produce much in the way of lubrication, so after five minutes we stopped having sex, if that’s what you want to call it. She fell asleep and started snoring. Then I got dressed and left while she slept.”

Then tell me if you can understand, in that light, why Roosh in particular is paranoid about regret rape.

He seems to be autistic in his emotional sensitivity.

And what is worse than being permanently emotionally underdeveloped to the point of having diagnosable personality disorders (schizoid with a paranoid twist) is that he then goes on to project his own lack of development onto others. It’s not that HE is unloveable, for real and valid reasons, it’s that WOMEN are unloveable.

Buddhists have mind training to increase compassion. I suggest that doing Tonglen practice as a man, when alone, would decrease his chances of regret rape to the point where it should not be something to be PARANOID about.

Of course we’ll always want to punish false rape allegations. That’s a totally different thing than being paranoid about it. Bringing up punishment is a red herring and is pure dissimulation, and has NOTHING to do with what I’m writing about.

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

Judge a man by his company. Judge a writer by his audience.

Posted by xsplat on February 7, 2016

People choose opinions unconsciously and based upon political affiliation. We are evolved to not even realize that we are trying to fit in, and we are evolved to not be capable of caring that we kow tow to authority in order to advance our own interests.

Writers also can’t help but be guilty of pandering to their audiences. Who reads you has a profound effect on who you are and what message you want to convey.

Therefore trust elitists the most.

Trust the common people the least.

Most of us, myself included, are weak willed and want to feel good about ourselves far more than we want to make effort to improve ourselves.

Women do backflips to protect their conception of their sexual market value with reality defying big-and-beautiful fat acceptance movements. PUAs do the same with fake-it-until-you-make-it map-is-the-territory reality distortion fields that deny that women have their own value systems for what turns them on romantically and sexually.

When you are trying to learn about human dynamics, it means you are not able to discern between correct and fucked up maps of the territory. Because you don’t yet have decades of hands on varied experience with women of many cultures from being in various differing social and physical positions, you are naive and susceptible to any view.  If the view is well articulated and holds some promise of improving your situation, it will be attractive, even if it comes  from a person with schizoid and paranoid personality disorders.  Or a socially conservative fanatic.  Or a married man long out of the dating market.

Here are two quick and easy short cuts to evaluating teachers.

1) How happy and personally successful is the teacher?
2) Who does the teacher speak to?

If the manosphere author is perpetually stuck at teaching kindergarden level 101 red pill introductory “truths” to recovering betas, over and over and fucking over again and again ad nauseum, it means that teacher is personally stuck at that kindergarden level.

The reason he doesn’t teach advanced level teachings such as how to maintain passionate loving kundalini sex relationships with a harem of model hot teenagers and twenty somethings is because that’s totally way over his head.

He teaches what he knows. Kindergarden level shit, where everything has to be painted as a fucking cartoon in ridiculous contrasts, such as “stages of mating”, and “alpha fucks and beta bucks”.

If an author speaks to a crowd of people perpetually upset about their perpetual victim status, it means that he, personally, is perpetually stuck as a perpetual victim, and is perpetually and permanently incapable of developing any joy and love in his heart towards himself, the human condition, or females, and therefore has no love and can never find love and can never value or imagine the value of love in his life.

1) How happy and personally successful is the teacher?
2) Who does the teacher speak to?

All of us are flawed humans, learning as we go.

We are all stuck in our own perspective.

But teaching others has a famous corrupting influence. It is a documented fact that by merely by stating an opinion once, people become invested in it.

Forming maps of the territory therefore has a bad habit of getting us DISCONNECTED from the actual territory, because we become over invested in the maps.

Teachers, just like students, are subject to the Dunning Kruger Effect . We both can’t know what we don’t know.  By definition.  Maybe the  Peter principle also comes into play, because as writers we teach and theorize about stuff that we are too stupid and ignorant to realize that we are too stupid and ignorant about, and so rise to our level of incompetence.

And so it’s helpful to have general orienting guidelines.  Even if you can’t know how accurate is the writers mental map, and even if neither can he, you can get a sense of:

1) How happy and personally successful is the teacher?
2) Who does the teacher speak to?

We could take it further.  If the writer is model handsome, his teachings on dealing with women may be inappropriate to a less attractive guy.  If he only wants to pump and dump his insights may be inappropriate to a man who who wants to form long term pair bonds and raise a family.

So we could amend #1.

  1. How happy and successful is the writer in the fields that you want to emulate?

And for 2, we could refine it.  A writer may speak to a general audience that agrees with you, but to what depth?  When he comes across savants in his field with vastly different life experiences, is he able to even acknowledge them, or MUST he dismiss them because their expertise threatens his own?

2. Does the writer speak to experts in his field at a deep, practical, shared hands on experience level.

Number two is the opposite of theoretical agreement.  It’s about even the possibility of sharing common experiences.  Threesomes with hot girls who love and have long been devoted you even  when you were broke and unattractive – is that possible within the worldview of the writer?  Has it happened?  Can he share experiences of the top of the game in his field with others at the top of the game in their field?  Does he attract others at the top of their game to share their experiences and easily do so?  Or is he forever rehashing theory 101 to people who actually need theory 101?

I’ll add another.

Is the writer subtly trying to keep you down?

Does he deny you the possibility of:

  1. making drastic changes to your sociosexual status (does he repeatedly tell you that there are guys who women fuck in the water cannon bubble pool of the disco, and then there are guys like you)
  2. real lasting and mutually fulfilling intimacy and love

If you want to be happy, well adjusted, successful, and have happy and well adjusted and successful attractive women who are in love with you waking you up with blowjobs, and are seeking any sort of knowledge to further your aim, then find writers who share common knowledge about their mutual real current lived experience of being happy, successful, and waking up to morning blowjobs by happy successful attractive young women who love them for real sustainable reasons.

Posted in Uncategorized | 5 Comments »

Regret rape only happens to men who can’t fuck

Posted by xsplat on February 7, 2016

ROK and swaths of the manosphere are infused with paranoia about regret rape.

Regret is not about men not calling. It isn’t about her being pisssed off about her bargain of pussy for provisioning not being respected.

When a girl feels regret for sex, she had sex that was not satisfying.

I’ve boldly escalated past boundaries during seduction on the bed to the point of an entire boarding house hearing screams of NO STOP! STOP! STOP!. That girl refused to leave the next day and is still in my life to this day as a personal attendant, even though we haven’t fucked in years. Never has a girl had the slightest regret.

If a man is focused on regret rape, he is unable to engage a woman deeply enough to get her interested in anything other than regret.

Paranoia about regret rape is disguised performance anxiety.

Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments »

RooshV is a flawed character with pernicious influence over young impressionable men

Posted by xsplat on February 6, 2016

In August of 2013 I predicted that the RV forum would go downhill due to overmoderation and pathological leadership.

I noticed these comments on the naughtynomad forum today:

Calamansi said:

Rick91 Wrote:  There are established newspapers claiming he’s an advocate for legal rape on private property qouteing a line from a satire piece.

I read the piece and while the first three paragraphs are sarcastic, from the fourth paragraph onward it takes a turn for a very serious tone. I’m a big fan of satire, parody, black humor and tongue-in-cheek humor. There is nothing too dark or abhorrent that jokes can’t be made about. But this is none of that. The way it reads, there is no reason for anyone to think he’s joking after the third paragraph.

Couple this with the fact that he has entire sites dedicated to the topic of unfair treatment of men and women by the law and it’s hard not to believe that it’s his sincere opinion. Call me humorless but when I was reading it I was fully under the impression that it’s what he believes should be done.

That said, I would hardly call him an “advocate” just for writing one article. Is the other side justified by their hysteria? No. Does the other side regularly twist people’s words to fit their agenda? Yes. I understand all that. But if the article was meant to be satirical after the third paragraph, he is a terrible writer and no better as a comedian.

Rick91 Wrote:  Maybe satire was wrong wording more like a thought piece on hypothetically reducing rape victims regards to girls going home drunk with a guy then claiming rape after.

Yeah. I understand the point he was trying to make. He was talking about the unfairness of laws that allow certain women to go out, get drunk, fuck a random, regret it and then take legal action against the man in question for something he didn’t actually do and make him take responsibility for her own poor decisions. And he is absolutely correct about this one specific point in that it is abhorrent behavior on the woman’s part and unconscionable for society to not give a shit when it happens.

But while you may recognize that the word satire might be the wrong word, when the shit hit the fan, he and his drones have been hiding behind that word ever since hoping it would give him plausible deniability. But it’s not. His essay’s intent is clear. I’m not saying that he thinks he has a chance of actually changing the law but that also doesn’t mean his wish for it to be realized isn’t sincere. Everything in the piece screams out that it’s his honest opinion of how to deal with the problem of women falsely alleging rape after a night of drunken debauchery.

And this essay is only one small glimpse of how far off the rails his train has careened. He might use fancy ten dollar words in his writing but his logic flow is so poorly constructed that he can’t hide what a nutter he has become anymore. A very small handful of women have ever attempted to put a man in jail because she got drunk and regretted the sex. And this is despite all the feminists trying to convince them that if they had sex with a man after a drink that she was raped. It’s not by anyone’s definition an epidemic. However, while the numbers are small, the consequences are serious enough and unfair enough that someone really should give a shit. It’s just too bad it’s him and his cronies. He makes a mockery of a serious injustice by it being associated with him.

But whether the number of women claiming false rape is small or large is irrelevant. Even if it were 1 in 10 women, it would still be one of the stupidest logic jumps in the world to believe rape should be legalized. Sure, it would, in one fell swoop, eradicate a handful of false rape accusations per year, but it would then also allow many many more real rapists to do as they wish with a woman that doesn’t want to have sex.

Hey, I also believe that a woman shouldn’t invite a guy in after a date if she doesn’t want to fuck. Most guys think it’s a done deal at that point and, right or wrong, if she doesn’t want to fuck she then needs to deal with someone who probably assumes she does. So is it stupid of her? Yes. Do women who make the “stupid” or naive decision to invite a guy in even though she doesn’t want to fuck deserve to get raped? Or perhaps the women who changed their minds because the guy was really great on the date but turned into a fucking creep once he got inside her apartment? I don’t think they do, not legally, not morally.

It’s too bad though. When I found his forum and blog years ago, I thought a lot of what he wrote and what was discussed made good sense. Ever since then though, it’s been overrun by “men” whose minds have been warped so badly, they barely recognize women as human anymore. He preys on weak-minded men to build his budding empire and let’s them do his fighting for him. Look at the threads on Roosh or the comments on ROK. If someone other than his generals disagrees on so much as one little point, all logic goes out the window (not that there was necessarily much there to begin with). All the rebuttals make no attempt at discussing anything. They are almost nothing but character attacks, accusations, straw men and ad hominems. If their spelling wasn’t so good, I would swear it was all written by 10-year-olds, judging by their understanding of forming a logical argument.

Now, except for the data sheets, the entire site is complete utter garbage. In so many of his posts, he tries to come across like a great thinker but he’s not. He thinks way beyond his means and he doesn’t give two shits about the conclusion he reaches from it. I think it might be a case of writing just to write because he has to maintain the output, but he’s run out of ideas and the ideas he does get he hasn’t thought through at all. Stupid or stoned, it must be one of the two when he sits down to write. And of course, his lemmings are always there, like loyal puppies, to tell him how insightful it all was.

He’s a farce and how he got to this level of media attention is beyond me.

That said, I’m no fan of shit smearing on either side. He is now labeled as “pro-rape”, which isn’t exactly what he said. He said he believes rape should be legal but the term “pro-rape”, while I suppose it could be technically correct(?) sounds a lot like he advocates men going out and raping women regardless of current laws. The media too are guilty of hyperbolizing and distorting what he writes and, if you’ve seen any of my other posts around here, you might have noticed that I fucking hate that from either side. Argue and win on the points, dammit, not by lying about what the other guy said or didn’t say and arguing against a false utterance.

Roosh is a fucking whackjob. His minions are fucking whackjobs. Feminists are fucking whackjobs. The media and content creators attached to this are fucking whackjobs. We live in a world of whackjobs. What can you do? A few guys gathering around for a circle jerk in each city next week became news? How does that even happen? LOL

JJ Roberts:

Very well said calamansi

A pretty good summary of why I asked for my account to be deleted

I just don’t want to be associated with this kind of dickheadishness

The odd thing about what’s going on over there (or at least one of the odd things) is that they are hating on feminists whilst behaving exactly like the male version of a feminist would behave

Being a male version of a feminist whackjob (as you put it) is exactly what that crowd is doing

His only message seems to involved telling men that they are victims and they should be angry at their victim status (which is exactly what feminists do) and constantly obsessing about sluts (a 2.0 construct and a clear indication of schizokardia) which is their version of the feminist obsession with patriarchy

Sad.

The site used to be good especially the city reports and data sheets like you said but it’s not possible to participate in the forum without flushing your IQ down the toilet and obsessively hating on women.

Yeah man. I’ve thought the same thing. They hate on feminists while they do the exact same thing. A few bad apple bitches hurt their feelings so now there are “no good women” in the US. They “all” want/do this or that. Basically, in the same sense that feminists have generalized chauvinist behavior to all men and then took it further by nitpicking and twisting every little thing they can into chauvinism, Rooshies have applied extreme feminist behavior to all women and twist every little thing into feminism. It’s quite sad, actually, that they’ve distorted reality to such an extent…

Not only is your IQ in danger, your entire world view is. I stopped reading because I know that if you soak in any type of atmosphere for too long, you’ll start to assimilate into the Borg sooner or later. I could see that, slowly, I was starting to adopt milder versions of their attitudes without even realizing it. I could easily see how a weak person who spends more than a few minutes on that site would get swallowed whole after reading just a few posts. Hell, he has the legions to prove it.

Actually, it just occurred to me, the similarities between him and a cult leader. They both prey on the weak. They both convince their followers that they should shun all non-believers. They both convince their followers that everyone else is out to hurt them. They both distort their followers’ views of the world to the level of “crazy”. Etc. Intentional or not, isn’t that what’s happening there? I’m honestly not being sarcastic. That is seriously what I see happening there.

Roosh is a tool, but yea, the forum is a goldmine of actionable useful info with some quality guys.

Too bad it is tainted with anti women and feminist agendas. As well as being anally moderated.

I agree that there is some good advice in there. That’s why I think it’s so sad that the place has been overrun by twats with a 10-year-old mentality. Doesn’t mean there are no decent guys there. Just that they are often drowned out by the noise… Online, the anonymity of the Internet coupled with groupthink turns them into brainless wannabe cunts that can’t seem to have a civil discussion about anything they don’t agree with already.

But I really do think that it’s very likely that they have caught a few young minds in their teens, and sadly, have caused irreversible damage to them. Imagine a typical 16-yr-old who might be having a bit of trouble with girls finding that forum. How do you think that guy would turn out by the time he’s 25? Would you want your daughter anywhere near him under ANY circumstances?

LOL

And I’d bet a million that if there’s a die hard Rooshie reading this post, by the very fact that I think some of their ideas are warped, that makes me a feminist libtard mangina. I can’t possibly have basic human decency and respect for both sexes and not be! If you’re not with us, you’re the polar opposite and against us. There is no room for reason. At all. That’s what it has turned into.

 JJ Roberts:

The beginning of the end was when ROK started to produce flame war / click bait / lets see how much of an angry reaction we can get blog posts and the authors started to compete with each other to see how much traffic they could drive to the site as a result and started back slapping each other and sucking each others dicks every time they got a lot of hate clicks.

Rick91:

Banning people for having ideas and censoring his websites seriously doesn’t sit well with me.

calamansi:

His forum and websites lie, twist facts and censor ideas more than North Korea and China combined. (OK, the hyperbole in the previous sentence was for humor but in all seriousness, I have never witnessed such widespread and blatant lies and censorship in my life.)

I think that Roosh bans people from the forum for the exact same reasons that Stalin continuously executed and sent to the gulag everyone who he suspected as a threat to his position of power. Both Roosh and Stalin share paranoia as a deep root of the nature of their psyche.

 

Posted in Uncategorized | 12 Comments »

Two email replies

Posted by xsplat on February 3, 2016

To a buddy who has been sharing intimate details about his intimacies:

Forgive my late replies.

Yes, I’m more than casually interested.  I don’t have any pressing insights to add, and that has delayed a response.  You are in the thick of things but I don’t have any useful wider perspective, as far as I can see.  I think your vision is close enough and panoramic enough.

You are living a great story, and I’m glad you are also writing it down.  We’d need bombs and politics to get higher drama, and even then this would be far more fun.  Your writing is a photo album of reveries we’d all like to have at the final moment.

Please don’t wait for my feedback, and keep writing.  It is well received, even when I’m slow to respond.

To a young man with a strong interest to join in my entrepreneurial efforts with his friend and excel at partaking of all that life can offer:

I’m well.  For the last few days I’ve been focused on gardening.  My fourth floor has two atriums, and the roof has a neglected garden.  Managing the staff is not neglected, and one staff member is working full time to find new engineers.

The three girls still visit, even though I am less focused on them.

Some new technical innovations happen.  Today I invented a new type of injection molded magnetic coupler that includes 65% rare earth magnet powder. It should work better than and be less expensive than a machined powder coated iron part.

I am setting things up so that …highly profitable mutual venture redacted…   Timeline is about two months away.

People occasionally contact me about internship.  I’m still a bit distrustful of putting forth a lot of time and energy and money into interns who are not able to see a project through to profit, and so right now I’m shouldering all the burdens of management until I’m in a position to host a big crew without it taxing too much of my important managerial time.  Before my idea was that the interns would be the managers, but now I just want to focus and micromanage and get all systems working as is in my mind.  The adage “if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself” has proven itself too many times to me.  So I’m working harder than any of my staff, and am infused into every action and all details here. 

I’d like to get a big crew out here again, once I’m in a position where the time, risk and reward make solid business sense.  I don’t ever want to put my businesses at risk again as some big social business oriented holiday for a random crew of unfocused young men.  I’m taking these businesses far more seriously than ever before and want all efforts to be maximized.  The setup in the past was far too loose; interns given too much leeway, too much free time, too much trust.  It was too much a social club and not enough a business.

I got burned again recently by some guy saying he wanted to help out.  I gave him tons of business secrets over two months so that he could do his work, and in the end he gave me nothing but empty enthusiasm.

On the other hand I don’t have cause to be too pessimistic.  Overall the interns have brought profit, and tremendous quality of life improvement.  Some could work, very slowly, with little supervision. 

And I do want a corporation of gifted and hard working like minded men working in concert.

It’s very difficult to get serious men with talent to do serious work.  I want to get there.  In the mean time, I’m serious and I’m doing serious work.

Posted in Entrepreneurialism, Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

Reasons why ugly black chicks are supported as heroes

Posted by xsplat on January 24, 2016

Larry commented on the cartoon in the last post.

I love how the energized and successful pro-active cartoon character is a female coon. Ha ha. So what’s the real message of this cartoon? What is the message that is most directly being addressed to the least defended aspects of our consciousness? Why re-issue these messages and on whose behalf? What a world we live in. Must all “truth” come wrapped in centrally-issued bullshit?

There is a reason why black women are given preferential treatment over white males.  In Canada they even receive quota based entrepreneurial grants.

It’s the same reason retarded children get special education needs grants.

Author Tom Robbins used to write that instead of pouring money to prop up the underdogs of society, we should instead pour money to develop the geniuses.

But there is a reason that we don’t.

It’s because as a species we are, and women especially are empathological.

We root for the underdog.

We imagine ourselves in their shoes. Perhaps we have been in their shoes once. And we think, “If I were in some disadvantageous situation, boy would I ever love to receive a helping hand”.

Don’t get too hung up on the blackness. Or the black womanness. Or that she is short, chubby, and not in the same attractiveness category as the otherwise enviable white chicks. That’s all archetype-speak for underdog.

Plus of course women band together in a group power struggle against men (and mistakenly project onto us that we do the same). And we all know that even when women are obviously not underdogs, they love to play the poor me take care of wittle me underdog card anyway. Its probably hard wired into them to use that strategy as a power grab, and to continue to use it no matter how much power has been grabbed, if the circumstance allows for it.

Women naturally lean towards communism and taking care of the underdog, and they naturally lean towards giving more power to the general female gender. It’s part of their civilizing nature, even it if can get empathological.

I don’t see any use faulting them for their nature. It’s just up to us to see it, and see through it, and to have enough personal power to not be negatively affected by their nature. We need to have and to cultivate hand.

Women will always struggle for power. Men must also seek dominance and hand, and not lose our power. Then from a position of strength we can accept who they are and not get angry at them for playing out these inborn archetypes of wanting to build up and give power to female underdogs.

There is also another way of looking at this. Slim young attractive white chicks don’t need career success. Have you ever noticed that feminists are on average 3 points uglier than non-feminists? It’s all about sexual strategy.

In my twenties my forty something mentor informed me that men go through stages of life. He said that after forty a lot of guys start to think about having kids. He said that when you get old, life shifts from being about sniffing daffodils, staring contemplatively into fire pits and partying to being all about power.

As an older guy I confirm.

Feminists are feminists for the same reason that old men seek money. Because we are not attractive enough to get easy access to top quality sexual partners based on our youth and beauty alone. The girls won’t get easily provisioned if they are unattractive, and so need financial and sexual independence in order to get some top notch alpha out of wedlock seed. The men can’t attract smart hot young fertile women without the aid of some compensatory signals of fitness and real powers to improve a girls situation, and so seek wealth, status, and power.

So the short, plain, dark and dorky girl seeks out a glamorous career, that will give her social access and provisioning.

It’s a sexual strategy. A damn good one, for a girl in that position.  And people of any sexual strategy tend to form brotherhoods and sisterhoods and trade unions and guilds and mafiosa and communist support groups.  We band together to consolidate and grow our influence and power; to become a movement.

If you look under the hood to see the power plant, you’ll find that the engines of many groups are simply a sexual strategy.  When trying to understand fundamental human nature, it’s always handy to remember what life was like in high school.  The hot chicks form hot chick cliques and get an easy ride for whatever they want, and the uglier girls seek power. Even supporting underdogs can by a sign of being a sexual underdog.

Posted in Uncategorized | 8 Comments »

Visualizing success is porn. Real success takes effort and failure.

Posted by xsplat on January 20, 2016

xWzjHUQ

Visualizing success has been scientifically proven to PREVENT success. You’re brain will be fooled into feeling sated with success, and so you wont feel the motivational pressure of urgent need to take concrete real life actions. Visualization is good for muscle memory, not for psychologically feeling like a winner and therefore magically becoming one. Winning happens by actions over time – it’s not related to muscle memory and it is not a matter of a special feeling. Win first, feel later.

There is a tight analogy to game.  It’s tough approaching pretty women – I’m still kicking myself over the stunner I passed by yesterday, barely able to maintain eye contact as I was too flustered due to her being overwhelmingly pretty.  So for such situations the advice heard is often “fake it until you make it”.

There is also the advice “count to three and do it”.

Psychological development is important, but you can’t make it by faking it.  You make it by actions.  Aping alpha characteristics in order to elicit certain responses, waiting until the day that the alpha sinks in and is just who you really are doesn’t really always work for everyone.  They are left feeling disconnected, hollow, and shallow.  An actor on a stage they don’t respect.

Aping alpha characteristics and actions and taking steps for real personal development are very different and lead to different results.

Entrepreneurialism and dating women are closely related, and can even overlap.  One improvement builds upon the other, and you start at the foundation.

entrepreneurfail Building an empire

You don’t start by visualizing success.  You start by developing your self and your personal circumstances, and by making your own mistakes.

entrepreurialism

Related:

Wanting to be an entrepreneur is not like wanting an ice cream cone

Wanna be an entrepreneur? No, you want to buy a ticket in the entrepreneur lottery.

Why entrepreneurialism is mis-represented

To find motivation, go all in

The business of motivation is a pyramid scheme

How to be a succesful location independent net-preneur

Why the four hour work week is a lie

Job satisfaction is a thing

How to find real work satisfaction, and increase everyone’s happiness

 

Posted in Entrepreneurialism | 5 Comments »

Why the four hour work week is a lie

Posted by xsplat on January 19, 2016

Xsplat said: “My estimates for business success have always been wildly wrong. Although I’m relatively wealthy here, if you looked at the success rate you would see countless failures. Failure after failure.”

walter2015london asked: Could you please break this down a bit more? Does it means that you usually thought your businesses had more probability of success than they really had?

I’m always very optimistic about the projects that I’m working on. No matter how often I see that my predictions don’t always pan out, it does not lessen my optimism.

That’s not a completely bad thing.

Many of my ideas really do have tremendous potential, and I do have real world entrepreneurial experience, so the optimism is solidly grounded in reality. Execution of great ideas is the challenge. For most ideas that takes a team. And to get a team of capable men together to succeed in executing big ideas is fucking hard to do with no outside financing.

And my experience so far with managing people as paid, and sometimes highly paid interns rather than salaried employees was mostly unsuccessful so far. It was unsuccessful because I started from myself and treated people as if they were similar to me.  I made three big mistakes:
1) I treated people as if they were self motivated autodidacts.
2) I treated people as if they were self motivated autodidacts.
and
3) I treated people as if they were self motivated autodidacts.

I wanted to work with the best peers that I could find and treat them with respect as buddies.  But business collaboration is by necessity and essence hierarchical, and so that attitude and business don’t mix well.  It is the responsibility of management to be a taskmaster.  Nobody wants to be a taskmaster over his buddy.  And buddies don’t like to have their best ideas vetoed.

The real business world doesn’t work as autodidact buddies being self motivated and working on a common cause. People go to expensive schools to specialize on a narrow career path, and you have to start them off at a high salary for x many hours per day, and you have to be a stern task master constantly giving them pressure and deadlines and critiquing their work.

You can’t just get a group of random guys together and assign them big picture projects and give them support staff to manage, even with detailed guidance.  Even if the random guys are smart.  You’d think you could – G is for generalized intelligence, and most of the stuff that I do is not taught in any schools anyway.  So you’d think my first instinct should have been right.

But the world is the way it is for a reason. I didn’t know that. I thought it was arbitrary that people worked in cubicles at jobs that they didn’t want to do. Nope, it’s not arbitrary. It’s because knowledge takes training (even if it’s just training to learn to focus regularly on that category of knowledge) work is hard, and 95% of work would never be done without some stern stick and some very important carrots.

I gave people all the room and board and fun they could handle, and left them loose to work. Recipe for failure.

There is no four hour work week.  There isn’t even any four hour work day.

I mean, yes, you can automate some businesses that can bring in a modest income, but if you have any ambition at all then you have to push yourself and push others to achieve.

This may all sound grade-school obvious, and in that sense I’m still learning the very basics of entrepreneurialism. Setting up websites doing online sales can be solid money, but to do the big ideas takes a big team, and that’s a whole different category of entrepeneurialism.

It’s like the difference between daygame for one night stands versus maintaining several passionate and strongly bonded LTRs at the same time. At first glance it seems the same category, but they require very different skill sets, so much so that the skill sets will make you into a very different person.

When it comes to business motivation is everything. You have to motivate the customers with persuasive marketing and self evident value. You have to motivate potential employees to join your team. You have to motivate people to put in effective focused work-hours for a full long day at least 5 days a week.

I had thought that long term motivations work for people; “let’s build this together and we will reap the long term rewards together!”

I was wrong. People want a secure salary at a secure institution, preferably in their home town, and they want the starting salary to be industry standard or better.

I’m still amazed how averse most people are to working outside of their own country.  And I may never understand why people are not more like me in preferring the higher risk longer term payout to the lower risk short term gain.

And people need harsh oversight. I did not know that before.  It’s more important even than a good environment and good salary.  People really do require stressful deadlines and a hefty amount of micromanagement in order to be productive.

That’s how it was when we were in school – very few students took it upon themselves to read ahead of the assignments.  A lot of us crammed before tests.  And that’s just how it is in general. We need to be pushed from the outside. That’s how teams work – people pushing each other, in a hierarchal fashion.

I did not know that before. My only experience was working as a lone entrepreneur, or with a team of Indonesian staff who I never expected to be capable of problem solving. I expected other Westerners to jump in and act like me, working hard to make real things make real numbers.

I was way off.

Live and learn.

That’s why I say that I’ve never really had any failures. I’ve had a lot of learning experiences.

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Going all in. Again.

Posted by xsplat on January 18, 2016

I have some emergency money set aside, and never touch it, no matter how confident I am to quickly replace it if I were to dip into it temporarily.

But I’ve been investing heavily for years in some new businesses without a penny in return.  No matter how much time you think a project is going to take, multiply that by two, and then multiply it by two again, and then hire more and better staff, or you will have to keep multiplying.

Four months ago I hired an electrical engineer to join the team.  On paper he looked great, and came at bargain basement prices.  Oh, but it turned out we had to wait a month for him to arrange the move of his family.  Oh, and then another three weeks for finish up his semester as a professor.  And then he just showed up for two days and disappeared.

Two years ago I hired an excellent mechatronic graduate with the perfect Thesis; a machine that I wanted to hire him to build.  He lasted 3 weeks before deciding that my work environment was not fundamentalist enough.  Cody’s daily loud fucking didn’t help.

For two years I’ve had two barely qualified engineers puttering along slowly on some tasks they could never quite finish properly.

I’ve had staff and interns work for many months on R&Ds projects that were either abandoned as the staff person left or led to no product because of incompetence.

My overhead is many thousands of dollars per month.  I’ve spent enough on my businesses over these last five years to fund a modest retirement, but after all the false starts and delays have only incomplete prototypes to show for it.

I’m talking only about one business concern; I have others that continue to do well and one new one that has made a decent modest start.  And the bungalows are under construction.

But overall I’m treading water, and that feels desperately dangerous.  My diversified businesses should always be enough to live on, but that’s not how I think.  That’s not how I can think anymore.  For me it’s adapt and grow or die.  Staying still to live a modest lifestyle would be a kind of daily death.

So I’ve been doubling down.  In desparation to diversify, I recruited interns to help start new ventures.  I’ve had 5 main guys out here, two shorter term guys, and three visitors.  One of these in one year created a business, under my direction, that has paid for the expenses of all the others, and continues to earn profit.  The rest did not add to the bottom line.

Interns were a great life enhancement; male camaraderie focused around a common goal is a blast.  But I don’t yet have the managerial skills to be able to properly lead a herd of cats.  Delegating work too often led to work not getting done.

So now I’m doubling down again.  No more delegating to managers means that I have to work twice as many hours and be 4 times as efficient with my time.  This is now more than 8 times as effective as delegating had been.  My fingers are in all the pies, my eyes over every shoulder.  I deal with difficult IT related stuff, tons of R&D in many industries, purchasing, recruitment, marketing, and more.  Daily I am the hub and without me there would be even less than the near nothing that there is now.

I just had to prepay a years worth of rent on a 30 meter long four story office building, and it was a stretch.  Then I sent 10k to china for raw materials and machine parts.  Then of course many thousands to restock inventory on another business.  But that’s not the doubling down part.

I’ve found two new engineers, to join the qualified engineer that started doing good work 5 months ago.  So we now have three qualified engineers, plus a middling one.  I have one welder/assembly man working part time, and a 2nd full time guy will start soon. One web/it guy is kept busy, and is augmented by freelancers.  I’m setting up workspaces for three new sales and support staff to join my current three secretaries.

I have all new hires do IQ tests before the interview.  I’m not messing around.  I’ve also arranged to bribe teachers throughout all of Indonesia to bring me new recruits, because online job boards do not work to hire technicians in Indonesia, unless you are hiring out of Singapore or Japan at four to ten times the local salary.  Getting qualified programmers and engineers here is a near impossible challenge.  But I’m doing it, and will get better at it.  We’ll hire more engineers, programmers, marketers, machine operators, machinists, and more.

My estimates for business success have always been wildly wrong.  Although I’m relatively wealthy here, if you looked at the success rate you would see countless failures.  Failure after failure.

But I’m a lifelong entrepreneur and businessman so I have never once seen failure, as the word is normally used.  I have never once felt failure.  What I have seen is learning.  I know things you can’t learn in school, and I know them because I’ve done them.  Every failure is one step closer to success.

Looking around at what I have built here, 95% of people would take curtain number one and close up shop and bank the steady income.

I’m doubling down.

I need to earn over one million dollars in profit per year, within two years.  I know how to do this.  I know every step that I need to take, and I can take every step.

This is the year that I am a type A driven driven personality.

Being what is considered out here as super-rich and having my businesses lead to interaction with a steady stream of young model quality girls will open new worlds.  It will make available much smarter young women; no longer will I have to choose between brains with emotional maturity versus sex appeal.

I will have access to a new realm.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Uncategorized | 11 Comments »

The unforseen consequences of personal development

Posted by xsplat on January 16, 2016

Scott (Dilbert) Adams wrote a popular book about how to be successful in life.  If I’m paraphrasing correctly, the theme of it is that instead of focusing on goals, focus on the habits that in general lead to the goals.

But first it’s important to get a very wide metal map of the territory.  As wide as possible.  Position yourself not only in relation to your mother, your family, your friends, your community, your state, or your nation.  Position yourself not only in relation to the culture of any of these.  Be the big picture.

Know of how big is the solar system.  Most don’t; in fact we all don’t; it’s impossible to conceive.  Know of the galaxy and that behind an outstretched thumb are a million more galaxies.  Know of the millions of years ruled by dinosaurs and the hundreds of millions of years of evolution before that.  Know of other cultures, and what is cross cultural.  Know of general human nature, so that you can know more about yourself.

We can develop and mature as individuals along at least a dozen distinct enough levels of development.  As we mature and refine our abilities we network deeper into reality, and make a real workable relationship with it.  This makes us more effective.

We can develop:

  • Mathematically
  • Musically
  • Socially, within many distinct and overlapping contexts
  • Physically in sports and muscle training
  • In various forms of mind training meditations
  • In various forms of body centered mindfulness meditations
  • Financially
  • In sexual prowess and refinement
  • Intellectually
  • Psychologically
  • Creatively
  • In knowledge
  • Philosophically
  • Aesthetically
  • In interpersonal connections, networking, influence and power
  • As a family man
  • In skills at having sustainable hand in long term passionate relationships
  • In affect and mood and in virtuosity of emotional range
  • In writing and speaking and communicating in body language and vocal tones clearly and persuasively

And on and on.

They say that the IQ you are born with is, within a narrow range, set for life.  Things can be done to damage your IQ, but there is a limit to how much it can be augmented.  This is highly correlated with the top range of what you can accomplish; you will never meet a retarded brain surgeon, or a physicist of average IQ.

I’m a short man, with not much hair, and a face that cameras don’t like.  I have a sunken sternum and flared ribs, so that no matter how much muscle I put on, I will never get a V shaped torso or get rid of the skinnyfying protruding ribs.  My musical talent is middling.  In many of the potential areas of development, I’m born with a metaphorically below average IQ.

But while IQ is correlated directly with job professions, it is not the only factor in career success.  At least as important is diligence and effort to improve within a field of endeavour.   A 120 IQ can far outperform a 150 IQ, even if it takes 20,000 hours of practice and study instead of only 5,000.

In the biggest picture of things, we must put the top value as happiness.  Our own, and because of wanting our own, also that of those around us.  In the biggest picture, the serenity prayer sums things up nicely:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

We are not going to change what is fundamental to human nature.  We are not going to change what is fundamental to female nature.  To know what it is that we are not going to change takes decades of personal development and learning, and is a never ending process of continual investigation and refinement.

In order to maximize personal happiness and add value to the lives of those around you, to succeed at life, it is absolutely essential to mature along as many possible lines of development as possible.  To change the things that you can.

Success in life doesn’t come from mastering the piano – even at the top most level.  It doesn’t come from mastering chi-kung-sex to Olympic Master Guru levels.  It doesn’t come from having a rich community of friends, and an ever expanding brood of successful children and in-laws.  It comes from as many of these things as possible and more.

Happiness is not in a pill, and happiness is not a hedonic treadmill.  It is a real and attainable goal, and there are real and workable ways to success at LIFE.  Succeed at living this life.

You will not succeed at life if you focus your attention on negativity in this world that you have no power to change.

You will not succeed at life if you are not actively trying to develop and mature as a human being, in as many ways as possible.

There are many blogs  out there that help men to navigate the pitfalls of interpersonal relationships.  Most of them are fundamentally flawed in serious ways.

The most important ways they are flawed is by having either not a broad enough perspective about what succeeding at life is, or by misdirecting away from the need for personal development.

They are nowhere near ambitious enough.

We can do incredible things in this life.  We can achieve incredible things, and share a great deal of joy, love, camaraderie, wealth, success, and happiness.  We can fall in love and be broken hearted many times before we die, and the ripples of our brief stay can infect others around us with everything in us that has ever been good.

Is that the focus of the manosphere blog that you are reading now?

Or is it about limiting exposure to damage.  Is it about how wrong feminists are.  Is it about daygame only.

When you combine a big picture goal (happiness) with personal development habits, you never even know when opportunity will present itself or how.  But only by being developed enough to be well positioned will opportunity become available at all.

I lack musical talent.  But I’m working towards my 10,000 hours.  I have no way to know what good will come of it.  The process by itself is nourishing, but as I’m aware of what signs of fitness women are aware of, I’m also aware that playing piano might seduce someone who will make me a baby.  Or who knows what.  Not until I’m good enough to play in a band will I ever know what opportunities can come from being good enough to play in a band.

And so on with every other aspect of personal development.

There is a reason why there are no manosphere blogs or forums where being an alpha provider is even conceptualized.  It’s because the writers in all these places have not personally developed enough in enough areas of their life to have personal experience of it.

You can’t get the opportunity to care for hot young devoted love slaves without a great deal of things already in place.  And then once you do get that opportunity, the ability to work with multiple young lovers who are intensely physically and emotionally bonded to you at the same time requires an entirely different category of interpersonal relationship skills.

A writer can be the worlds foremost expert on getting casual sex, but still have not even one toe in the water of what is required to be able to manage even one bottom bitch.

It is doable.  We can raise our expectations, and we can achieve wonders.

I’ll leave you with an excerpt from an email from a friend of mine, who is deeply in mutual love with two beautiful and amazing young women:

If there are lessons I’m drawing out of this it’s things like: love hard and unabashedly, do NOT be aloof, and hold your nerve now and then when the chips are down. Pour your heart out. Draw boundaries. Make each woman feel like a million bucks when you’re with her. Add real value to their lives, on terms they recognise, and make sure they grasp that. Etc.

 

 

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3d thinking in a 2d manosphere; powerful seductive intimacy instead of flat red pill paranoia and pump and dump

Posted by xsplat on January 14, 2016

I’m loving this quote from Krauser:

Pretty much the only way to make money in that style is the Return Of Kings way: Leverage an already really big platform and then troll mentally unstable fringe elements for hate-clicks, positioning yourself as the crusader for justice that all the perma-angry lost boys can look up to.

An unfortunate strategy that Return of Kings and the RooshV forums follow is being heavily over-moderated, so that it is an echo chamber of he-man-woman-haters club of relationship fail. A cult of anti-intimacy. For a group of guys wanting to up their attractive manliness qualities it’s a catch 22, because speaking up as a man with any sort of opinions that ruffle feathers will lead to censorship; being a real man won’t be tolerated. With such heavy moderation it can’t be a self correcting user generated content community, but instead becomes the blind leading the blind astray. The communities are not only given content and moderated into selecting for perma-angry lost boys, but self select for people with developmental disorders such as schizoid PD and attachment disorders which manifest as a preference to pump and dump the bitches and be paranoid about divorce rape. Developmental disorders are encouraged from the top down as lifestyle choices, while healthy mature views are moderated out. There is some fundamental unhappiness that is self-perpetuating and growing and sickening other people, and that resists anti fungal medication.

***

Krauser has also been reading the Scott Adams Dilbert Blog , and wrote an insightful piece about seduction, with quotes from Scott.

I left this comment:

Ya, I’ve been reading his blog lately too. I can’t remember how I stumbled on it. Scott Adams tweeted about D&Ps book marketing strategy, and then I learned that D&P is also aware of Scotts blog, and the Trump series. Small world now.

Persuasion and hypnosis are important talents, easily underrated and overlooked.

In some sections of the manosphere you get big groups of people who are very class conscious, and don’t much believe in class mobility. Rollo and many of his commentors for instance tend to talk about Alphas and Betas and hypergamy as if the only option is to be aware of your real place in the scheme of things; there is next to no talk about changing one’s place on the ladder. No talk about seduction being a learnable skill, and no talk about learning to generate strong passionate non-negotiated sexual desire out of a woman way outside of a mans physical attraction league. Such a concept is instead seen as self delusion and even holding the concept further proof of further self delusion. You get groups of guys reinforcing learned helplessness through the categories of Alpha and Beta, who believe that woman go after “Alpha Thugs”, and that they can only protect themselves using red pill knowledge; they can’t actually improve their lot and get hot girls to fall deeply in love with them.

Adams talks about the 3d way of thinking, and using that analogy many in the manosphere are stuck in 2d thinking, and have no way to conceptualize the powers of persuasion.

Posted in Uncategorized | 9 Comments »

Sharing meaningful love as meat-puppets

Posted by xsplat on December 26, 2015

megalomania.png

olivermaerk said

You speak of your emotions as manipulations. But are they? It sounds very derogatory and I think it does not do it justice.

We are products of evolution.

Our emotions, no matter how authentic and holistic and integrated, are products of evolution.

We have emotions for reasons. If you love someone, it’s because your brain has evolved to retain the instinct and programming to do so.  This is not only for the effect that it has on you, but also the effect that it has on others.

We are meat puppets. Meat machines.

I know it sounds harsh and derogatory to talk about real genuine emotions as being manipulative, but that’s because we believe in falsities about what the self is.

We identify with our emotions, and take them at face value. And while that’s common, it’s also extremely naive.

We have agendas underneath our emotions. Biologically programmed agendas. We have no choice about what we want, because we are meat puppets.

Most people are not aware of this, and when confronted fight to remain unaware of it.

Even morality itself is evolved, and the five basic morals have a genetic basis. Two of the five are not universal, therefore we have the genetic castes of liberals (who do not value purity or authority) and conservatives.

It is not an insult to see things clearly. There is only slander when there is untruth.

You can have the most sublime and perfect love possible, and underneath that is still agenda. We have instincts. Primal instincts.

We have many evolved agendas.  For men the big ones are:
* the search for a youth and beauty in mates
* power and wealth
* social status and influence and networking

No matter what is on the surface, underneath is agenda. It is no insult to know this. It resolves a lot of conflict.

I hate causing pain. Knowing why I do what I do helps. I keep more than one girl because I have these evolved drives to do so. Women do what they do mostly out of evolved drives also. It is not fair, it is not good, it is not right. It is not unfair, it is not bad, it is not wrong. It just is. That’s the real world we live in.

We have selfish agendas, and it is not always win win.

The sexual marketplace is not win-win; we fight each other for the fittest mates. And within relationships we fight each other for dominance. And it doesn’t take much scratching of the surface to see that monogamy is not and has not and can never be a universal sexual strategy, in any culture.  Everyone lusts after other partners, and yet we want monogamy from our mates.

People do set up polyamorous lifestyles, and that can be workable. But those that do are well aware of the need to manage our evolved emotional response to infidelity; we don’t like it and it can hurt like hell.

Some people find that pain worth it for the benefits, and some manage to avoid that pain with certain rules, such as only fucking a third in the same bed, or don’t ask don’t tell, or never in the same town, etc.

We have some leeway to create new rules within the deep fundamental hard wired circuits of instinct that we were born with. But never underestimate the instincts. Jealousy is a very serious, very strong emotion, that can’t be negotiated away.

We evolved the ability to talk hundreds of thousands if not millions of years after we evolved strong emotional jealousy. The two parts of the brain are compartmentalized and don’t play well together. You can’t talk yourself out of being jealous, nor make a non-jealousy bargain with a mate.

Agenda is below emotion; evolved drives are below and ruling our current emotions.

Next time your pupils dilate due to love, know that this is manipulating the person in front of you.  You will be completely unconscious of your pupils dilating, because the evolved processes are agendas BELOW and RULING our conscious emotions.  Your emotion of love DOES manipulate others, and knowing that might feel insulting, but only if you completely misunderstand what your self is.

There is a sadness that comes with knowledge.  But knowledge is also power.

The more fortitude you have to stare into the abyss, the more resilient you will become and more able to remain cheerful in the face of ugly truths such as permanent death.  This fortitude will also lead to habits of mind unafraid to hold big picture truths, even when those truths are painful.  And that is essential mind training.  Truth is useful and powerful.

Posted in Uncategorized | 8 Comments »

Being authentic and honest is only a few onion layers deep. Below that is agenda.

Posted by xsplat on December 24, 2015

Every now an then you meet someone you really click with.  If it’s a woman and we click really deeply, we’re inclined to call her a soul mate.

But guys click too.  And with guys friendships seem easier to sustain long distance; a year can pass and we’ll just take up the last conversation as if continuing from yesterday.

One of my bro-mates shares my passion for women.  He’s a sensitive, gifted, fun loving, erotic, dominant, and big hearted man who women naturally fall for, and fall for hard.  I was honoured today by an in depth confessional of his love affairs with the two main women in his life, and the joys and stresses that were involved.  It seems that relationships are just as fascinating and adventurous to him as they are to me.

He is not a player; he is several levels above that.  Maybe one day I’ll explain what I mean by that, but if he gives me permission to post his email here, you’ll get a feel for it.

In the meantime I think it’s fair enough to publicly share my response.

*****************************
I’m glad that you thought of me to share all of that with.

Yes, dealing with two or more girls in loving relationships is rarefied information. The molecules of information are far apart, and at this lonely altitude it’s uncommon to sight another plane.

I’m not sure if I would have agreed with number 2s insistence and gone ahead and told #1 about #2. Honesty and love seem such an appropriate mix – and aren’t they the same thing? Unfortunately sometimes strong boundaries are more pragmatic, and managing women’s emotions is a pragmatic affair.

I am exactly like you in that I surprise myself in what comes out of me, in different contexts. I’ve come to the conclusion that I believe my own compost, and my finely crafted compost is designed to cultivate reactions out of other people. This goes far deeper than Machiavellianism, and is even more profound that Psychopathy. I genuinely, under certain contexts, feel exactly what I need to feel in order to get a reaction out of girls. It’s completely honest, and yet when looked at in this light it comes as no surprise that contradictions arise.

“Yes, I love you and want to be with you. I really do!” And then, “Yes, I love YOU and want to be with you. I really do!” Both perfectly honest, embodied, heartfelt and integrated sentiments. And yet … we are crafty. Deeply, subconsciously, and integrally crafty. We know how our being deeply moved moves others.

I remember the first time as a child becoming aware that I only cried in pain when parents were watching me. At two years old, it was a revelation. “Wait, what? The emotions that I’m genuinely feeling are used to manipulate others? They can, at some level be turned on and off at will? I’m doing this, feeling this, for effect? But if feels so REAL to ME! That is not a lie!”

The girls will do the same. They will tell you, and might even believe, that they love you for who you are and want you to be happy. That they will accept other girls. But I’ve yet to meet any woman who did not have a fundamental and deep programming to capture monogamy out of the man that she loves and is bonded to. Everything she says and does is designed to do that. Every orgasm. Every devoted meal she prepares. She is no more conscious of her manipulation of you than you could be of your own of her; it’s all unconscious programming and we feel it as authentic embodied true emotion. In order to satisfy our personal agendas, we must manipulate people. In order to effectively manipulate people, we must fully embody the emotions required.

When you date more than one girl at a time, the curtain pulls back occasionally, and you get to glimpse OZ. It’s like when you were two and stubbed your toe. At first you didn’t cry, but then your parents walked in and suddenly you find yourself wailing uncontrollably in heartfelt agony. “I would choose you.” And “I would choose you”. The emotions are honestly felt, but we also have them for strategic effect based on who is listening.

These are not contradictory choices. Any more than it’s contradictory for a child to be unable to stop crying – but only when parents are watching. The contradictions are resolved one level below our conscious emotions.

But it’s uncommon to introspect below our subjective experience, and so when our internal narrative tries to makes sense of conflicting emotions, we get cognitive dissonance to the point of nervous breakdowns. “How can I love them, but not stop hurting them?! And even if I could stop, how could I ever choose which to hurt most and which to keep? Why can’t I accept just her and only her?” At the level of the emotions at their face value, there is no resolution, only conflict.

And yet without taking the emotions exactly at their level and at face value, paint thinner strips meaning from our lives.

So we do both; we genuinely love them, and we decide, unapologetically, to admit to and follow through with our own personal agenda. No matter what path we take we compromise; we can’t eat the whole menu at each meal. And the slider between thinking of others and thinking of ourselves is too big be in a quantum state.

You want both of them, and you know it hurts them. You are willing to risk and are risking losing both of them. You’ve seen so far how passions can be ignited as women compete, but you’ve yet to see how they can be blunted once women give up and accept that the fight won’t win a primacy close enough to monogamy. My sex with M was at it’s best when she was fighting for me, but now is much more hit and miss, and can even at times be disappointing. We’ve been together for five years, but I point the finger of blame for lowered passion not to boredom, but to her acceptance of defeat. And no matter what any girl says or believes that she believes, anything less than monogamousness is defeat. On a primal level beyond the influence of words.

Getting older is a series of transitions of perspective, and I’ve noticed a general trend that age makes people more pragmatic about competing interests. At first it’s painful to even acknowledge them; “Can’t we all just get along? Isn’t there a mutually beneficial solution? Does it have to be zero sum? Let’s find a symbiosis.”

But there is no perfect symbiosis that lasts between men and women. That’s debatable of course – some old married couples somewhere may have it. But I don’t think there is. We have competing agendas, plain and simple. We get jealous. Even within our own mind we have competing interests for intimacy and independence. If you get what you ideally want, the girls will not get what they ideally want. You are doing a hell of a great job in getting what you want, which necessitates them being at least satisfied enough, but preferably thrilled and addicted and profoundly and happily attached to you.

I have many ups and downs with my girls. It’s not constant, but it’s common. I do not expect nor even aim for harmony. The closer girls get to me, the stronger their feelings. The legal profession holds a different culpability for crimes of passion. I have seen girls hysterical at me and at each other. And I’ve seen calm and careful explanations. Underneath it all is the same thing; agenda. Women do want monogamoushness out of their mates, no matter what they say or do. Every single act they perform is a spontaneously choreographed movement to elicit monogamoushness.

Men want sex and devotion out of women. You’ve cracked the code – very, very few men have. You’ve realized that you not only can, but are very adept at getting devotion out of more than one woman at the same time. You are so good at it that you don’t even have to lie about it.

One reason that you are so good at it is that you are honest and kind and fun loving with yourself, and you want to extend all that loving and honesty out towards those who are magnetized to you. You are genuine.

But don’t let that genunineness fool you. Kids genuinely cry in front of their parents, because we are biologically programmed to seek attention from care givers when under duress. The emotions are real, but conditional. You genuinely push all the right buttons of these women, by being authentic. But authentic is only the top layer. There is another layer below authentic, and it is agenda.

It’s difficult to come to terms with this. Because we want symbiosis. We don’t want to cause suffering. Love is supposed to be about making each other happy.

Unfortunately, love is also a battle of competing interests. If you choose to maximize the girls happiness, it can only come at the expense of your own, in some areas of your life. These are negotiations people make with themselves, usually unconsciously and explained by our internal press secretary with pretty rationalizations. “It’s not right to cheat” “Marriage takes work and sacrifice”. “I don’t want her to cheat, and so I respect her emotions and won’t cheat also”.

These are all very popular and workable strategies. Workable for most people. They are no longer workable for me, because I’ve crossed the line. I no longer see empathy and intimacy as inextricably intertwined. Empathy is feeling inside myself the agenda of other, to the degree that I empathize with and become entangled with that agenda.

When my V found out the 2nd time that I was still fucking other girls, I told her that I don’t feel guilty about it. She asked what I do feel guilty about, and I told her throwing away excess food on my plate. She’s Chinese, so she feels no guilt in throwing away food. It took me many years to realize that if I’m going to make a choice, that it’s not in my best interest to feel guilty about it. I didn’t invent evolved biology, I just happen to embody it. Competing sexual interests is simply built right in. There is no mutual symbiosis that lasts for long, in sexual love affairs. For men who prefer lust with their romance, it’s either parallel or serial monogamy. And when it’s parallel, the women will hurt. As will we. We’ll have horrible upheavals, and often.

It’s built right into the fabric. It is the thread that composes the fabric. Take away the upheavals and the pain, and you also take away the love and the passion and the drive and the bonds. It’s a gestalt, and that’s what you signed up for.

That’s my opinion so far. I share your ambition to find a higher level solution. I admire the ambition too. I hope I never give up looking for deep lovers who can share time and even the same bed together.

So far all of my experience tells me that it’s a very good pipe dream. The real situation has evolved biological constraints to our emotional responses, and the responses of our women.

I remember the first time I had your deep insight that you can’t choose what you want. That was a biggie. You can’t.

And from that insight, it follows that you can’t choose not to have competing interests.

Posted in Uncategorized | 11 Comments »

Is being sigma possible, or is it refusing to acknowledge the inescapable game?

Posted by xsplat on December 4, 2015

I just left this comment on Krauser’s newest post.  In it he talks about how happiness is the top priority in life, and that the best way to achieve this is through seeking medium term goals.  He also talks about not getting chained down by the responsibilities that come with being an authority over others.

Ya, being happy is the top priority. That’s always good to be aware of.

Medium term happiness might seem like a reasonable balance between taking care of your present self and your future self, but will your far future self feel short shrifted? Maybe yes, maybe no. Good memories of good times are valuable. Young people are famous for discounting the needs of their older self. The Who sang “hope I die before I get old”, and kids in my highschool at the time didn’t care if smoking killed them, because they couldn’t value their fuddy-duddy older selves.

Is a wicked hang over worth it the morning after? Depends who you ask. The night before it was worth it. The morning after it wasn’t.

Old people famously have outrageous and unforeseeable health care costs, and then their quality of life is tied in closely to their retirement income. Once you are old enough to have those costs, will it have been worth it to think about long term happiness? Again, worth it to who? No, it will not be worth it to your younger self – he cares about short and medium term happiness.

I forget who it was who first noticed that it’s impossible to opt out of the sexual marketplace. Maybe it was Roissy. Roissy noticed that although we may proclaim ourselves as grass eaters and proclaim ourselves as Free with a capital F of all the burdens of external female validation, and Free of having to chase after pussy, and therefore Free to have Free time to do other things, that there was and could never be escape from the sexual marketplace. No escape from the socio sexual hierarchy. No escape from our own internal built in human condition of desire, and no escape from how other people view our place on the totem pole.

I think it’s the same for the notion of being Sigma. I’ve been about as sigma as they come, I suppose, most of my life. I make my own rules, go my own way, at times to the extreme of neglecting to cut my hair or wear decent clothes. I was a late bloomer to even notice all the dominance plays for power that are constantly going on in most social dramas, such as Mad Men. Those social games never interested me and I thought they were for stupid people or people trapped within conventions or people trapped inside jobs that they didn’t have the wherewithal to get out of.

But now I see it the same way as the socio-sexual hierarchy. There is no escaping it. Sigma is an illusion.

We are judged by others, and pretending or willfully believing that it doesn’t matter does not lessen the advantages of being higher up on the pole.

It’s true that there are also disadvantages. If there were not then most people would not seem so eager to follow, and the world would look a lot more like Lucky Thomson’s dog eat dog world full of every man for himself gangsterish positioning. Most people take less risks, and are more docile, and many can get by barely even noticing the rat race.

I used to laud the virtue of being a slacker, and despised the notion of a suit. Free time was my most valuable possession. I was low on the financial totem pole at 40, and that hurt my prospects with women, but I still did well above average with no end in sight. By then I’d spent a few years managing a staff of 12, and a few years after that working mostly on my own, and was happy to no longer have the burden of responsibility of making payroll.

But since then I’ve regrouped and rearranged and repositioned myself. My staff are no longer a burden, any more than a hammer is a burden. They aren’t a burden because I’m not overextended. And instead of being trapped by the business monster that I created, I now enjoy work, and choose to do it. I’m no more trapped by my work than a painter is trapped by the canvas that he put in front of himself.

Last time I had a staff of 12, it had little benefit to me other than money. This time I’ve carefully chosen my businesses to work towards giving me social proof and social access to young hotties. The businesses are pipelines, as well as very enjoyable hobbies. They have brought me close friendships with many cool guys, who came out to live here as interns. The integration of personal interest, future interest, financial interest, and social interest is complete.

And in the process I’m more aware of the social hierarchy that I once thought was so utterly beside the point. It’s not beside the point once you get advantage from it. When people come to visit me at my shop-house in Java, they have to climb four flights of stairs to get to my room. It’s a 30 meter long building and the floors below are filled with cool machines and kowtowing underlings. And I built a garden on the roof and added two more floors out of bamboo just for fun, for a total of 7 floors.  This has a psychological impact on people.  The compound of bungalows under construction in Bali will be equally impressive, and the planned attractions will bring in a steady stream of impressionable wide young eyes .  This not only has a psychological impact, but is a pipeline and a growing network.

Guys who are not well positioned might start to get squirmy about this, and start to put their fingers in their ears and scream La La La La YOU DON’T NEED MONEY TO GET HOT GIRLS. Which is exactly like a go-your-own-way grass eater saying that you don’t need women to be happy. There is no escaping the fact that social hierarchy has an influence on how people treat you. When you are are relatively high up compared to those around you, through whatever the local measurements of status are, then people will treat you differently and you’ll notice the difference.

Only lately have I started to get a taste for it. It never mattered to me before, because I never knew the value of it before, because I never had the value of it before.

The back of my head is nearly all bald now, and my temples are grey.  It’s much worse than two years ago. My face gets wrinklier every year.  As do my drooping balls. But my tastes in girls are the same, and I still want and still date teenagers and young twenty somethings. I know that this is a concept that will not get past the fingers in the ears, but it’s a simple fact of life that money and status and power are sexually attractive, in more than a comfort and security way, plus also a comfort and security way. And this is a very welcome advantage for old men.

So medium term happiness is great, for you now. But there will be a different man in the future who will benefit from ample money.

And being sigma is good for you now. But you also might become a different man who becomes accustomed to being perceived of as high status, and becomes accustomed to the benefits that come with it.

Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose. Grass eaters are free from pussy. Hippies are free from corporate chains and petty concerns about material possessions. But nobody is free. We are socially enmeshed beings, and we can never be free from that without being dead. Whether we care about validation has nothing to do with the benefits and costs of our relative social positioning.  It takes money to be free, otherwise you won’t be free from hunger and deprivation, nor have the freedom to pay for a chosen lifestyle.

I’ve lived hand to mouth and been happy and enjoyed it. There is no one magic answer for what is a good life. I’m just saying that money matters more, the older we get, and as we get older we start to lose energy and focus and eventually peter out and want to retire.

If the long term is not included in notions about happiness, then you are having a generation gap with yourself, and are close to hoping that you die before you get old.

Posted in Uncategorized | 16 Comments »

Reader asks for personal development tips

Posted by xsplat on December 2, 2015

D.T. writes:

Mighty xsplat,
You are my role model for an integrated male.
While I hope to follow in your footsteps, it seems we’re not even on the same continent, figuratively.

So I want to know the best place to start my journey.
I am hoping for a list of resources. Even though I suspect the kind of personal development you attained is not the product of reading books.
Thank you for your inspiration,

D.T.

Hi D,

In the past I might have listed off books that were the most influential and interesting to me, but I’m no longer confident that there can be any cookie cutter approach to personal development.

Meditation and Buddhist mind training and body centered awareness practices such as chi-kung have been very important to me, especially in my teens through thirties. Shamata Vipassana meditation no longer seems so crucial, however it is still life enhancing. Chi-kung remains life enhancing, although I go through spurts of regular practice. Eastern philosophy had been a big interest, however now no longer is and I can’t even remember why it was so important at the time.

Relationships were always important to me, and I had no access to any red pill thought until my late thirties, at which time I was well placed in Thailand to be able to discover more about masculine/feminine interactions just by dating. Girls don’t try to be men in SEA, and so some of the underlying polarities are easier to notice and more masculinity and leadership is rewarded instead of insulted. So that began a new phase and focus of development for me; sexual loving relationships from a position of dominance.

Business has been an ongoing interest since I was a young boy, and I’ve been a self supported entrepreneur since my early twenties. I’m still developing my entrepreneurial and managerial skills.

Music is a new interest, and despite my lack of talent, is another avenue of personal development that is now important to me. That started mostly in my mid to late forties. Although I wish I’d started earlier to catch a child’s developmental window of neuronal re-organization, it is not too late to learn slowly.

I never went to college, and spent most of my time hanging out with girls throughout my adult life. Only in the last few years have I had male friends around, so I’m getting a late start on developing social skills among men. Again, it’s not too late to learn slowly.

There are many lines of personal development available to us, and it’s common to delve deeply into one or a few of them throughout different periods of life. I’ve known a few men deeply focused on developing their mathematical ability.

I’ve had an interest in writing ever since I noticed a talent for it at age nine. One of the most pleasurable experiences I’ve had was taking a continuing education poetry writing class for adults. We would do assignments in class, then at home, then in the next class read our assignments and follow up with critiquing each others work. I don’t know how to explain how fulfilling and interesting that was. My style keeps changing and some of my best writing seems behind me, but I’m still learning and developing.

Sexual chi-kung has been a strong interest for decades. I’ve had far more sex than most people, if you measure it in hours. I would suspect that I’ve had more hours of sex than have the top 10 manosphere PUA artists combined. I had a year with one girl where we had a minimum of four hours of sex (sex measured only when pumping – not just hanging out on the bed) per day, and we’d spend all day Saturday and Sunday fucking, only stopping to eat, shit, and sleep. My doctor at the time told me that I had the heart rate of a professional athlete, and couldn’t believe that my only aerobic activity was a lot of sex.  I did that with a few other girls too; screamingly intense sex for as long and often as physically possible. Even this year I’d sometimes see all three girls in a day, and sometimes more than once a day. And I would wager all of my income streams and every last cent that I’ve had far better quality sex than any published PUA. But the quality is no longer at it’s peak. Crohn’s disease and age have lowered my stamina, and it takes a few hours of Chi-kung and formless meditation per day to be sublimely energetically aware and powerful. I go through phases of going more deeply into that, and sometimes just have sex that is closer to that of a mere mortal.

The lines of development that have interested me have usually not interested my peers. When I was deeply into meditating, and was described by some senior visiting Tibetan lineage holders as having a strong meditative awareness and good potential for Enlightenment, nearly no one else in the Buddhist community had any awareness of or interest in the Kundalini that was raging up my spine, on command, or of energetic practices such as Chi-Kung. And outside that community no one shared my interest and concern with Mahayana practices and philosophies of directly perceiving the nature of reality as empty of narrative, and the nature of mind as composed of compassion. Mahayana Emptiness and Love and mind training were THE most important thing in the world to me, but meant nothing to most every other person I’d interact with. Even among other Buddhists I was considered hard core, and few understood me, other than some top teachers.

But now I’m not the least interested in “regarding all dharmas as dreams”, and no longer do magic tricks with my mind where the field of vision becomes non-dual self aware mind stuff. That took intense focus and training and effort, and I could never stabilize the experience for longer than minutes, hours, or once for a few months. I’m no longer interested in 24 hour awareness and having a large percentage of dreams be lucid. It’s a life improvement, certainly; quality of life goes way up, and so does the number of cycles per second. It’s like time slows down and you see more of everything at once and so life gets unspeakably richer; you get more of life in each moment. So much more that getting back to that place seems like waking up from being a half aware half asleep zombie. But that no longer matters that much to me.

Right now I want to focus on business. I’m getting old, and do need money now for current and future life extending technologies. I’ve had lots of great sex. I’ve drank tanker loads full of vodka. I’ve danced with many hotties who were in love with me. I’ve had peak meditative experiences that match up with some of the most profound Buddhist texts ever passed down from teacher to student. That gives me some sense of peace; I’ve done what was important to me and I’ve lived a good life. But it’s not over. There is so much more potential, not just for the world as I know it, but in the cyborg and biologically enhanced world we are creating. If I want to get over the hump into the future where staying alive is an option, I need to focus now on business. I need to be carefully positioned to have options and influence and resources and power.

There may be time again to go deeply into meditative awareness. Or maybe I’ll go deeply into music next time instead. Right now I want to develop business.

And of course I want to leverage my businesses to help to meet and seduce a few debutante quality girls to become pregnant and devoted to me.

So that’s an outline of how I think of personal development. I may have missed a few lines of development, but wrote of the ones that have meant the most to me. Sex, relationships with women, writing, business, meditation and chi-kung, then music and relationship with men and managing staff.

But my interests and developments can not be prescriptive. I used to want other people to be as interested in meditation as I was, and could never understand how people could be so blind and lazy and ignorant to not be. The same for philosophy. The same for sexual chi kung. Sometimes people have asked me for tips and pointers about chi-kung and meditation, but so far only Cody followed through with a continued life changing chi-kung awakening. Other people reacted with something more like “oh, that’s so cool and amazing, I should do that too!”

I don’t know why people have the interests that they do. Maybe meditative interests are also partly innate and people either have a meditative experience module that can be developed, or they don’t. I know that in my large meditation community, maybe only 2% of people had any direct experience of what Buddhists term “prajna”. No matter how many hours, months, or years of dedicated effort of sitting on the cushion.

My dad is a gifted amateur musician, and he put a piano in our house before I was born. I would play around on it and improvise along one rudimentary chord change. I couldn’t do much, but I had a small amount of pride in my growing dexterity. Then one day I wandered into the high school music room after class hours to see my buddy on the keyboard. He didn’t perform any jazz hands or snazzy finger dances. Instead he emoted directly out of the piano. With just simple hand placements, he was music. He didn’t do what I did, which was to try to push buttons in a fancy order, instead he seemed to feel a rich tapestry of musical emotion, and gently and simply let it out.

I was awed, and knew then that my musical talent could never be anywhere near his level.

Twenty years later I’d buy an electric keyboard, and I again noodled around on it. At a Christmas re-union I drunkedly showed off a little ditty I had composed. My mom said “what else can you play?” and I said, “that’s about it”. Even though I noodled regularly, I didn’t progress much. My cousin on the other hand was a concert level virtuoso. I had no idea what he was doing with his chord changes, but my father kept saying “I see what you did there”.

Later in the evening my cousins and my dad would talk mathematics, and it was all completely over my head.

My mathematical talent is above average. I’m guessing my musical talent is somewhere near average. But some people seem to have brain modules that are at a different level entirely, for certain areas that we can develop, and my cousins and father can speak in the languages of music and math about worlds that I can not even glimpse.

Years later in Indonesia I bought another keyboard, and strangely enough I progressed better than I had as a younger man. Then I bought a Yamaha Clavinova CVP 605, and progressed more still. It surprises me why I am able to progress now, when I could not as a boy or in my early thirties. Is it the neurogenesis boost from the Rolipram that I now take? Or has a neuroplastic developmental window opened up in older age? The learning is always going to be slower than that of a prodigy, and I’ll never reach the same levels, but I can notice improvements, even between sessions.

So you can see how I can’t prescribe tips for development. We each have different brain modules for what can be developed; the bulk of people even in a serious Buddhist community can barely develop their meditative insight at all. Many people can’t sustain musical interest, and even if forced barely progress. Most people have no interest in math and geometry, and even if they tried would never get far in those studies.

And our areas that we are interested to develop can change over time.

Some people can get just a few small tips from me about chi-kung and its enough to open up their internal floodgates. Others can get a profound and deep initial instruction and it’s nothing more than a fun and fleeting wow moment.

And there must be lines of development that I have not paid attention to.

But if a person is interested in integrated development and is looking for resources, I’d suggest a good place to start is by getting an overview of what lines of development are possible, and how these lines develop through defined stages. A Brief History of Everything by Ken Wilber is the the most accessible, comprehensive and well thought out map that I’ve come across. He has a library of books, but Sex, Ecology, and Spirituality is the deeper companion novel to A Brief History. It is not as accessible, and most people find it tough going. I found it a breeze to read through, and very interesting – so again, it will depend on your brain modules. Some people are philosophically inclined and find pleasure in abstract thought and can easily see many connections at the same time, while others must use effort and struggle and barely get any reward for philosophical thinking. It would make no sense to broadly prescribe SES to everyone on the street.

I consider mind training, and body-mind awareness training to be the bedrock of all personal development. The Buddhists have the best mind training technology, in my opinion. However please be warned that if you get involved in a community, which can be very helpful, you should expect to get somewhat brainwashed. That’s the human condition. So you may wind up with some extra baggage of metaphysical beliefs, some of which can be downright harmful. Don’t buy into the “help others before yourself” egoless compassion bullshit. Don’t buy into the “you’d better get enlightened before you die” wheel of suffering fire and brimstone crap. Buddhism is very tradition oriented, and they didn’t know shit about shit hundreds and thousands of years ago. What they didn’t know, they just made up, and called it tradition. Nowadays we have cognitive and biological and dozens of other sciences to put the mind training into a realistic empirical framework. I don’t even buy Wilbers framework anymore – even his was too metaphysical, back when he wrote SES. I suggest it not because it’s perfect, but because it’s the best flawed map that I know of.

Also for development we need to see our big life plan. You will often read me being angry at this or that writer in the manosphere, and accusing him of being pernicious. I have a strong sense of brotherly concern, and people truly matter and mean something to me. Some advice is pernicious. It just is. Real poison, and horrible misdirection. One way that writers go wrong that I’ve railed against is the fake it until you make it self hypnotic narcissist attitude that confidence is what matters most. No, what matters most is ACTUALLY developing as a person, and ACTUALLY getting fucking rich as hell. Not feeling developed. Being developed. Not feeling deserving of confidence, but being deserving of confidence. Because confidence is always about something. Confidence in appearance is about confidence in how you ACTUALLY look, not in how you feel you look. Confidence in any possible area you can point a stick at is about a real measurable shared reality, not about a narcissistic self image. So remember, we will all get old, and the older you get, the more you will need money and power.

Self development is great, but the long game must include money and power. Even if you want to take a few decades off as a slacker, the value of money and power increases as the powers of your youth decrease. If you love your future self, do him the favour of taking him into consideration.

Half way through this email I started writing it not as a direct answer to you, but as a general blog post to all possible readers.

Love,

Your friend,

X.

Posted in Uncategorized | 10 Comments »

 
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