To be imperfect in a fundamentally imperfectable world

Naive innocence is charming in young virginal lovers. You WANT that idealism. Not so charming in normie voters. Innocence needs to be deeply corrupted before you are eligible to vote. The Godfather Trilogy is an essay on corruptible human nature, and real politics

It makes people angry that corruption of the voting process is possible. People get angry at the imputation, or the fact. People even get angry at the real facts being exposed, because that erodes the ideals!

I think there is a widespread pandemic of narcissism, and we see narcissistic rage everywhere. Few study the psych of narcissists enough to understand wider society. Making N’s lose face leads to Narcissistic rage, then projection and other coping deflections. “Trump did it!”

True story; in grade 7 a slow witted friend was extremely angry at the teacher for calling him out on cheating, that he did do. “But you DID cheat!” “Ya, but he doesn’t know that!” He was livid, and felt deeply wronged.

Whenever you are in a reflective mood, and want a hit off the insight bong, back off and take a toke of meta big picture. An easy entry into meta pictures are meta principles; “Wherever there is motive plus opportunity, expect action”. Avoid all morals and ethics, first draft.

I also, of course, am slightly narcissistic. Sometimes it’s a problem, sometimes it really helps me. I still work to cultivate a double edged sword, and it takes great pleasure in cutting both ways. The sword of insight always does.

Film noir. Absurdist humor. There are workable ways that many people find to not lie to themselves about this real world. To be imperfect in a fundamentally imperfectable world. Cognitive dissonance is actually an aesthetic. Most don’t know that.

Every twinge of friction, every puzzle piece that matches on one plane of existence but does not fit in a parallel reality cluster, every nerve signal that points to a clue of a data-set that does not cohere well, is an opportunity.

Cognitive dissonance is an aesthetic. An opportunity. It’s naive to hope it’s an opportunity for financial or sexual or deep peace growth. The aesthetic is deeper; truth for it’s own sake. It’s a suicidal aesthetic, with a deliberately suicidal attitude towards current mental frameworks.

Agreed, it does assume that this is the best long term strategy, and will overall lead to more money and pussy. But it’s still suicidal, and jumps off of cliffs, all day every day, regardless of consequences.

Is it a fact of life that in order to find happiness and satisfaction, you have to first be an expert at war? At taking for yourself and causing harm?

It’s been explained to me that unexpected, and even expected, infidelity can have profound psychological effects on young women. And I’ve seen this first hand. Saw one girl have a mental breakdown and later become a prostitute.

Saw another horribly heartbroken and near suicidally depressed.

Saw lots. I loved non-monogamy, but the collateral damage wears on you. I’m not sure who can keep that up. Some people seem to claim they’ve got it all sorted, but I navigated minefields, and saw explosions after explosions.

My current girl is deep down very similar to me, I think. Similar impulses. We don’t trust each other AT ALL. But we still keep things simple. Risk reward.

Humans are a product of war. Villages and cities razed. There is no land that has not been conquered and reconquered; there are no indigenous tribes.

All is fair in love and war. The girls will break your heart. You will break their hearts.

Rapists make babies, and girls get wet for, and dream about rape.

There aren’t happy rabbits and unicorns. It’s a mess. There is no advice.

But. We are also evolved to feel the most contentment and happiness when we make others around us happy.

But. Girls are evolved to fuck axe wielding terrorists.

There is no actual solution, it’s all minefields. The only reason I’m in a happy satisfying stable long term relationship is because I caused so much very serious damage. I really believe that.


I admit to being jealous of high IQ people who also have good memory recall. I could never be a chemist, like this man. I can’t remember particulars. I can measure nicely on insight tests, in my better moments. I’m jealous guys who do both, but I always suspect a trade off.

I suspect that the absent minded professor type has super powers that the highly systematizing yet never forgetting of details types have bit less. Different powers. His will get people to the moon. Mine will be funny inappropriately? Mine more inappropriate associations.

I can only do abstractions, and can’t remember details. This is, believe it or don’t, and advantage. Sometimes.

I will get the gyst. I will know when details collide, know why, know the big system of why. I don’t get bogged down in details. But at the same time, if I tried my very best, I could not recall to you why I know what I know or what the details are.

I have obvious brain injury level memory deficits. Broken wires about memory. Honestly I think this is an archetype, and makes meaningful super powers.

If you met me, just like anyone else, you’d assume I was neurotypical. But if you dated me, you’d eventually find out that I can’t remember your birthday.

Ever. Even when you told me 100 times the night before. Yet to everyone else, I play normal. This is not a lie. This is not drama.

I do believe there is a connection between lack of memory connections and insight. I think someone will win a Nobel prize one day, to notice it. Or an accolade from a hottie, at least.

I have never in my life remembered a birthday. My mother shares my birthday. I have forgotten her birthday many times. Yes, that’s funny, but it’s not told as a joke. That’s my real life. I’m very smart, but not neurotypical. At all.

I pass for neurotypical. Because I’m smart enough to do that, if I’m in the mood.

Manic episodes cause brain damage. Psychotic episodes cause brain damage. Alcohol withdrawal causes seriouis and permanent brain damage. And drug burn out is a real thing; that’s a TV trope for a reason. I’ve had plenty of all of the above (not much psychosis, only a bit from big LSD), and will never know why I lost my memory. Depression also causes brain damage. Done that too. Some people wake up after a dentist operation with serious brain damage, because of adverse reactions to anasthesia. Some get brain damage from pot. Some from LSD. Neurons and brains don’t all react similarly. A head injury can be debilitating to one person, barely noticed to another. I used to have an above average memory and could learn new languages faster than most. The clever guy with the clever memory, who didn’t need to study. Later in life it was mostly a waste of time to even try to learn a language. All I accomplished was pissing off my teachers. They could get near furious at my lack of progress.

When I explained to my Mom my memory problems, she just laughed at me and thought it was obviously a result of drugs and alcohol. “Burnout” used to be a very common word, and very commonly seen. I’ve seen it myself, far too often, and far too tragically. I was a vendor on the Grateful Dead tour, after all. Burnouts everywhere, some mere teenagers. So so tragic. So severe, in some cases. Heartbreaking.

I do believe that psychedelics increase insight in the long run for a minor percentage of people, but I also believe that for a minor percentage of people they cause permanent and noticeable brain damage. The walls didn’t stop moving for me for more than 5 years, and this is not an uncommon side effect. It’s very well documented. One day changed my life forever. Huge doses of LSD are well documented to cause massive permanent brain damage. It’s not only about triggering pre-existing conditions. It’s about brain damage that would never happen without huge doses of LSD.

My father made me consult with people with experience with taking LSD. They all said the same thing. They experienced some loss of abilities. But also gained some insight. No one seemed to regret their decisions, but also everyone I talked to grew out of it, like a phase, and seemed to think it was not sustainable to keep taking it. Everyone pretty well agreed that LSD is not a party drug, and can and will cause burnout. A very few people did not seem to experience negative side effects. I assume they are outliers with unusually robust neurons that don’t react to LSD as a toxin. Either that or they had massive G that could barely notice the hit. Or did mostly moderate doses.

Don’t use LSD in high doses. The end.

Men win the argument to win the group, women win the group to win the argument.


Cory Clark
I’m a-ok with the research question, but the women were unaware their medical evaluations were being used to make attractiveness judgments

I don’t get it. It’s unethical to make attractiveness judgments somehow? Is that the new thing?

Cory Clark
No, but women trust obgyn doctors with their bodies and sexual organs with an assumption that the doctor will not take any sort of sexual advantage of that situation. Using that access to make a physical attractiveness judgment feels a bit off to me. But it is a complicated case.

I’m unable to see how making beauty type judgments could be conflated with sexual advances of any sort.

Cory Clark
Hmm maybe I should make a poll…

Ladies, would it bother you if a gynecologist consciously evaluated your level of physical attractiveness during a visit?
Not at all 3.8%
Maybe a little bit 4.5%
Yes, a lot 17.7%
I’m a man but wanna play 74%
1,575 votes · 12 hours left

The evo psych implications here are deep. If pressed, I’m sure all the ladies who would be bothered a lot would agree that boners and thoughts can be involuntary actions. If mind reading were thrust on you, you’d be in a sad state of permanent outrage at the thoughts of men.

“How dare you even THINK of me in that context! I don’t care if you act on your thoughts or not, the very IDEA that would even THINK of me like that is completely innapropriate!” How naive. Female nature seems predicated on living the social lie for real.

No wonder men often get frustrated at women for believing that narrative fictions are reality, and frustrated for their common lack of concern for a deep and realistic theory of mind for others. It’s all competing narratives to them; gossip. Competing gossip.

Men win the argument to win the group, women win the group to win the argument.* “You guys have to stop having inappropriate involuntary thoughts! We all agree, therefore we’re right!” A thinking process inextricably embedded in group politics. So dangerous, so much damage.

“But, but that makes me FEEL icky. And you can’t deny me my feels!” is always the go to motte. But the baily is an oppressive rule by consensus through appeals to pearl clutching.

Confiding in your friend that you find your gynecologist hot and that he makes you embarrassingly wet has no moral implications at all, but if that man dares to get a boner! And tell his mates that you are a stunner! Take his license.

* This phrase has been quoted before and attributed to others. It is my original insight and exactly as I originally phrased it, back in 2009 or something.

“Men value love, women love value” is mine also.  Always annoying to have those little nuggets misattributed.

Working on the koan for modern times

Pirsig tackled the koan in Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance.

Ian McGilchrist takles the koan in describing left vs right brained thinking.

In modern times due to who knows what, but likely adderal and modafinil and social media and helicopter parenting and hip-hoppity music, culture is now more left brained and autistic and socially developmentally delayed.

XBTUSD asks:

What ways have you learned to connect with people (let’s not focus on women as I think it distracts from the point) deeply without words?

Not focusing on women is a challenge for me, as I spend most of my socializing time with girls. I had a few years recently with guys helping my business, but that was the exception.

What immediately sprung to mind as non-female examples were also love related. Babysitting kids. Hugging my grandma as a kid.

Oh, I had a meditating guy friend with whom there was some difficult to describe non-verbal connection. He taught me “the eye trick”, of sort of blowing someones mind with a gaze. Later I would do that with women. One girl would complain and get tunnel vision. “Stop doing that!”


That koan is running in the background. Some thoughts that probably relate to that koan came up:

My approach to therapeutic relationship talk: always do none. There is never anything to dig up or process or talk out. I have relationships, I don’t talk about having relationships. The therapy is in the doing. Not in the talking about how to do.

For instance my girl has some history that leads her to sometimes have an insecure attachment style. It can be a pain in the ass sometimes. Very rarely do I explicitly talk about the psychology of that, and then only very briefly with a light touch.

People, and especially girls, can use talk to alleviate anxiety, and it becomes an addiction. It goes nowhere. Believe me. It goes NOWHERE. A waste of time, that we don’t have enough of. You don’t talk your way into being at ease, content, happy, generous, loving.

You just practice those BEHAVIORS. It’s what you DO. NOW. That matters. Not what you think about what you do, or what you think about why you think about what you once learned to do. Just right now, being kind to each other. That’s it. Nothing else.

Very rarely a structure for mindfulness is needed. But usually not. Stating boundaries, gently and rarely, works 100 times stronger when you are both habitually kind. Otherwise talking becomes a game. Psychology as a game or puzzle is a dead end and a distraction.

People don’t change much. They can be at their best. Being at your best is largely an environmental thing. A habit thing. The habit of consistently generating fun lust, laughter, kindness. Habit of passion. In that space kinks work themselves out.

People can relax, open, grow, and learn. But the habit of trying to “work things out” through talking about difficult emotions prevents growth. It is directly counter productive. “Be here now”. “Just make the jam”.

My girl sometimes gets mentally overwhelmed and defensive to the point of being both cranky and unable to talk. Sometimes is too clingy or jealous. She learns through the environment, through seeing me back off patiently, not allowing my boundaries to be crossed but still kind.

Never a fight. Never an argument. Never a discussion about the right way to behave, or reasons why behavior isn’t ideal. Just slowly she re-patterns based on real lived experience. Her feeling of threat is not heightened, she gets space to regroup. It’s all about the space.

Mental health and learning to be kind isn’t about reprogramming your past or inner dialogue or your reasons. It’s not about verbal reasons or past patterns that need re-arranging with insights. It’s about the space. The space and your actions teach you; you swim in and give love into that space. You put your joy and lust and fun into the space. You share the space. That’s it. It’s not about anything else. Just this space right here, right now.

People FEEL that space. Even girls can shut the fuck up and share silent space. It’s MUCH more difficult for them, but they can, and they do. That’s often the best part. Just shutting the fuck up and sharing the space.

And related: The best way to change the deeply ingrained behavior of your partner is to find a new partner.

People don’t really change much. All you can do is work with whats there. When that’s very often frustrating, it’s a very real signal that social climbing is called for. The best way to change the deeply ingrained behavior of your partner is to find a new partner.

And then once you’ve cashed in your chips, and think you’ve got your best deal and bargain, you aren’t going to re-work your girl into a different one. Just get along and have fun. Nothing more than that.

I will work on this post and add new ones in the coming weeks. I don’t expect to do better at this question than others have done, but giving a similar answer with different words and concepts can really help, all around.

You don’t need intellectual connection with a girl; you might just be addicted.

XBTUSD said:

I’m curious how you balance a deeper understanding of the world, with having conversations with people who have a more surface level understanding of the world without losing respect and/or interest in talking with people. Obviously one could have bullshit surface conversations which can be fun in certain contexts, but for me really feeling a connection to someone requires going a bit deeper.

I have little to add to Redquests response, but I’m in the mood to chatter.

I also can find it difficult and unsatisfying to be thwarted by a bullshit surface conversation.

Redquest points out that there are underlying and deeper motives below peoples words and philosophies. It can be difficult to let go of the surface and deal with that, or just completely ignore the surface and change the subject to another deeper thing, such as fucking the girl.

When I moved to SEA, it took at least 5 years to adapt to not trying to hold deep conversations with women.

As TRQ says, use books, or perhaps other men, for that.

It’s a difficult transition to make, but there are surprising benefits. It can be, paradoxically, more satisfying and more deep, to limit yourself to connecting as deeply as possible, WITHOUT philosophy. WITHOUT high concept. Even at the mime level, at times. It’s a strange paradox, that I haven’t really tried to put into words, and am not sure if I could.

But I intuit that it’s a flawed mindset to assume that deep connections get deeper through intellectual connection, or that intellectual connection is required for a deep connection. I think now that’s more of an addiction than a need.

Many of us are sapio-sexual, and get more turned on by smart girls. I think that has to do with liking large breasts. Evolution noticed that smart girls make smarter babies which in turn are more likely to make surviving grandchildren.

On the surface, we assume that we just like to connect at a deeper level. But the genes are pulling the strings, and just find that girls brain to be similar to big firm high and bouncy titties. So when evaluating how serious we want to be with the kid*, we probe and test her mind. Fair enough. Just don’t mistake agreement or education or belief system or mind-training with good enough brain-genes.

As for emotional connection, you don’t need high concept for that. In fact, if you rely on that, I’d consider that a crutch. If you can’t get out of concept, you can’t really connect well. I think it can be good for a man’s personal and social development to be forced to connect without high concept. I think, like me, that eventually you’ll be quite surprised to learn that what remains is the meatier and more interesting and more valuable portion of what relationship and connection is all about.

Very often we use concepts as shields and distractions and weapons to fight DIFFERENT battles than we think we are fighting. Most verbal battles with women are not at all about what the words say they are about. Not about ordering the cutlery in the dishwasher. Not about philosophical nuance. A woman also has underlying emotions that often drive her words; men do too. As these are usually not available to our introspection and we most often can’t see what drives us, stripping away the concepts altogether makes things much simpler so that you CAN see the fundamentals.

After dealing with mostly fundamentals, you earn a MUCH clearer and cleaner picture of what the fundamentals of relationship are, and how to deal with them in a fun and fulfilling and healthy manner.

This is also another reason I think that all humans should spend some part of their learning teen years, when their brain is still most neuroplastic, babysitting. Dealing well with children is an essential skill for dealing well with adults. It’s surprisingly NOT important what the conversation is about. It’s more important how you have that conversation, meaning, you don’t even have to have any particular one, nearly every time.

* To a guy near my age, anyone under 25 is basically still a kid. Paradoxically I think young adulthood begins in teen years, and you have to take young people seriously, and can learn from them.

If you expect her to stay with once a week sex, I suggest you examine the importance of high libido.

Rosalie__s_Unhappy_Ending_by_Eclipse_AwayAuraTaxonomist said:

need to find a new way to exhort “nofap + meditation” to my bros that doesn’t sound like
a) e-book merchant who read part of Man-tak Chia’s book once

b) fake “esoteric” account that just says random shit

Try using the term “micro-expressions”, and ask them to remember a girl who exuded very strong physical sexual presence.

I don’t believe that the Blackdragon style of dating strategy is realistic or practical. Females have been around since we’ve been monkeys, and have evolved very strong patterns. You can’t just see a girl once a week and expect anything stable.

Midlife Moves said:

Your conditioning tells you to work towards living with a woman.
I’m here to say you don’t have to.

She can stop over once a week; twice if you really like her.

The rest of the week is for you; work, gym, hobbies, etc.

I’ve just saved you a fortune and a lifetime of misery.

You’ll need to constantly be finding new girls if that is your strategy. If the girl is satisfied with sex once or twice a week, it’s not that addicting to her, therefore low interest, therefore flight risk.

I had a tall and handsome buddy who played the sax at local clubs like a pro, and was the captain of the local soccer team. He told me his super hot girl broke with him, then said he only saw her once a week or two. I said “Duh, of course she needs more sex!” Friendship ended.

You can’t tell people what they don’t want to hear. He wanted to hear that his girl was a stupid slut. Not that there was something wrong with him for not working on his libido and sex and relationship skills.

Sure, she was one the hottest girls in the city. But you are not winning any contests only seeing her once a week! That’s as temporary as a fart in a breeze. Unless you’re paying. Or she’s married and you live next door.

Sex is never decoupled from the emotions that go along with baby making. That so called slut will fall in love with a guy different than the other 300. That virgin will act slutty just like the best porn show for that man who makes her babymaker itch.

If she isn’t so into you that she wants a baby WITH you, then she’s either already married, or she’s toying around until some other guy awakens her baby maker. An awake woman will want very very very frequent baby making.

Some girls say they’ve never really felt that. Until they DO. She’s not going to stick around for tepid, even if she’s only ever had and expects nothing more than tepid. Tepid is no glue. She’ll get happy wander feet.

Once a girl has activated her sex drive, she needs sex. If she’s gettin it on the side, that makes a “relationship” less stable.

Some girls can go long stretches without sex. But the nature of their sex drive changes once their motor is running. Then they become more like a dude, and need it when they need it. So either you have activated her sexuality and she’s often aroused and horny, and therefore a risk to seek dick more than the once per week you’ve alloted her, or you have NOT awoken her sex drive, therefore she’s likely to keep looking for someone who will.

Guys don’t talk about it much. Can be very very defensive too. But I can’t see the point about talking about meeting girls and dating without talking about stamina, staying power, and recover time also. The average fucking time is under 10 minutes. It’s a crying shame. Most girls are unfulfilled. Tragic.

There have been some studies that show that women judge men based on sexual performance; it’s a fitness signal.

A girl will say that she was really into that guy at the bar until he opened his mouth. Similar happens in bed. What you say is a test of your fuckable fitness and will score towards how much she’ll be into you. So is how you actually fuck. AFTER fucking a girl also evaluates a guy. You don’t get to put a notch into the bedpost until after you’ve fucked the girl at least 3 times. That should go without saying, but unfortunately it doesn’t.

And the really really weird thing, to me, is that it’s completely useless to clue guys in. They just get angry hearing about it. So very very strange.

Update: Midnight Moves says:

 I’m not reading that. But it’s like that other guy said: I think you’ve just written a blog post about how bad at sex you are.

The expected dissimulation and deflection and projection from Mr. Midnight. Makes a guy want to both laugh and cry. It will be impossible for Midnight to examine if his strategy has weaknesses, or if there are perhaps more fundamental personal weaknesses that are MAKING him adopt that strategy in the first place.

You can’t even lead a horse to water nowadays. They’ll accuse the school of hurting their feelings and demanding the head of the teacher. Weak ego’s can come from overprotective parents, or not enough parents, or not enough competition in general.
Chances are close to certain that your grandpa had much higher testosterone than you do. Levels have been declining non-stop and hugely for generations. People coincidentally fuck MUCH less nowadays. LTR difficulties may be largely libido related.
Yes, testosterone values rise and fall depending on social circumstances, but also environmental chemicals, such as plasticizers and soy, can be very detrimental, and are.

Big generational and cultural changes. I suspect less testosterone levels in the womb affecting development, plus soy and plastics during childhood affecting development, plus behavior in adulthood, social media phones, Aderal and stims, but also music plays big part. If you grew up with this you become this:

Don’t try to be a good person who doesn’t have a big ego.

There is no such thing as too much ego. There is only weak ego, unhealthy ego. A strong, healthy ego can take pleasure in competition with other people. In all things; mental and physical. That’s not only fine, it’s all around better for everyone. Very healthy.

God damn empathological women insinuating their participation trophies everywhere. Where are the debating teams? Where are the wrestling children?

If you really want to be a good person, and imagine yourself as that and strive towards that, that’s utopian, and counter productive. Start with what you ARE. Dig into your shadow side, and use that muck, in THIS world. Leave Utopia to the ugly feminist protestors.

“No More Mr. Nice Guy”. Machiavelli. Niesche. Ken Wilber. Those are healthier influences than most new age pop metaphysics and feminist/communist propaganda we’ve been unconsciously influenced by.

If you are only competing against yourself, then you’ve left unused motivation on the table, and risk not noticing advantages to what the competition is doing. Ping pong is more fun when people are cheering. Competition is in us already, may as well USE it.

Before I read any Machiavelli, I noticed that it’s just plain common sense that utopian visions and ideals are counter productive. You have to start from HERE. You can’t start from there.


I used to hang out with Buddhists, and was an extremely hard core meditator. Even as an iconoclast, I inevitably became a bit brainwashed. Took a long time to realize that “ego” is not a bad thing, that being bad, needs to be grown out of and given up. And that being too “conceptual” is a group-mind psy-op con.

There is a lot of new age and pop psychology that people take for granted, that in my opinion is little more than brainwashing. Sly ways to get people to be less competitive. I think Niesche explained that well.

Yes, I’m bragging. I’ve earned it. What have you earned lately?

At 54 I’m sure that I’m the only guy in my city who can do certain fitness routines. I like cardio with increasingly heavy weights, and combine it with free form dance. It looks like a fucking superpower, and no one comes close. Heavy cardio so fun.

24 kg barbell one hand curl and press above my head at 10 reps per arm has so far always been my max strength, but that tends to cause muscle rips and other injuries. Therefore lower weights; any weight; cardio and dance, slowly working up.

I saw one other man with a hot and shockingly younger girl in this city. Looks like his daughter. He’s fit and strong too. But not as fit and strong as me, and my girl is hotter. Hehe. Fuck you, yes, it IS a contest.

Gym bureaucrats invariably are puffed up with big huge useless show muscles that can’t do anything. The beauty of dancing with heavy barbells is that when they get jealous they can’t accuse you of harming the equipment with strength.
“You’re going to HURT yourself!” “You are going to break the wire, and hurt the equipment!” Translation; you are going to make me look bad in front of my friends and hurt my self esteem.

The test of how cool a very large and muscled man is, is how he reacts after you use the gym equipment directly after him, at double the weight and 5 times the reps. Some not cool at all.

“Borrow” the equipment that clique of huge muscle men are using, and see if being way stronger gets you invited into their clique. Nope. They’ll fucking hate you. But quietly, and under their breath.

“Hey, stop showing off!” ???$?%#?$ It’s a fucking gym. Arnold used to go to gyms and pose in front of the mirror, admiring how much he was winning. The whole point of a public gym is to show off; to use that competitive motivation to make you super-fucking-human.

“Yes, I AM better than you. Who here want’s to do a competition? Anyone? Let’s go! RRRaaaagh! Ok, you win this time. But I’ll be back!”

I don’t want to hear no keyboard jockeying complaining about Gillette ads. You got a problem with the idea of toxic masculinity? The gym doesn’t care about ideas. Shut up and lift heavy, and punch big bags heavy. Be proud and compete.

And take those boxing gloves off! You think you’ll have time to wrap your wrists when you need your fists?

The absurd truth of attraction; without an inner sociopath you can’t have a loving lusty home.

Every existing human race and every territory is the result of conquest and brutal wars. Often genocides. My life has been full of incredibly deep to the point of traumatic heartbreak, and I’ve caused a great deal of pain. Animals survive off of eating the living flesh of other animals.

If I had not caused so much pain, I would never be attractive or capable enough to cause more pain, or feel more love.

If I were the kind of guy who would let a woman I live with slide, and as appreciation for her past efforts of putting out children just let her get fat and retire from regular blow jobs and fucking, I would not be the kind of man she’d be so into and passionate about in the first place. She’d never have fallen in love on the first date, nor become tamed, nor have asked me today to get marriage pictures to show her parents, as a 30 year younger hottie with a perfect bod.

For me, a relationship is not about points earned in the past. It is a day to day thing. I have no interest in living with a girl who I have no sexual interest in. I know perfectly well what it’s like to have side dishes, but I don’t see that as a substitute. For me, a relationship is not a relationship without physical lust and sex. I can get friendships on the side.

I’d see it as dishonorable and disgusting to live a life of quiet desperation. A fat wife with no sex drive would be like waking up to farts in my face and nagging. Visual flat out disrespect and dishonor.

I’m not a nice guy. Not at all. Many of my actions are near psychopathic. I have extremely high expectations, and strong boundaries. Every single day, I demand serious tribute in terms of love, devotion, joy, sex. Our house is full of kindness and love and sex. Every day.

That came at a terrible, horrible cost.

Bitter sweet.

You wouldn’t want to stay with a girl who put up with too much shit. You’d never be able to respect her. No girl wants to stay with a man who would put up with living with a fat unattractive wife who does not give regular blowjobs. That man has low standards and low ability.

So if you put up with it, it’s a self fulfilling prophesy. Sometimes you have to move on, and if you can’t, you deserve a fat nag.

Paradoxically, a girl will have a lot more pride in herself, for being with a man who has very high expectations for HER behavior. Give her too much slack, and she’ll feel worse not only about YOU, but about herself. She’ll subconsciously think “what kind of woman would put up with a man who puts up with my shit?” What you don’t put up with and what you demand from her is as good as she can be, so give her the option for some pride in her man and her life. Or move on. Love is never enough, by itself. You need some base core compatibilities. And if either of you is fat that means those compatibilities are not there. If you were way into her, you’d work damn hard to keep her way into you. If you aren’t working hard, you aren’t way into her.

I don’t buy it that relationships get stale and the passion fades. People get fat and lazy and stop doing their fucking job. It’s not the same thing. Do your job, and be with a girl who will do her job. My personal lived real life experience is that passion can be kept strong and alive, and many times a day sex and a very warm loving heart for the girl can be maintained year after year after year. I’ve done that before, and I’m doing it now. It’s normal. You should expect it, and demand nothing less for your life. And out of her.

Most people lately are obese. Only 1 in 10 marriages stay together because the couple is still in love.

That doesn’t mean that being fat is normal. That doesn’t mean that the 1 in 10 are the abnormal exception.

It’s NORMAL to remain in passionate love. It’s YOUR normal. Normal for YOU. Because that’s what you learned how to do, and YOU accept nothing else. YOU are fit, and work damn hard to maintain peak sexual yogic fitness, and to be as attractive as you possibly can be. For YOU it’s normal to endlessly learn how to be socially skillful, and relationship wizard level skillful. For YOU it’s an endless never ending life long journey, and it’s damned fucking important. More important than anything else.

There are no extenuating circumstances, no exceptions to the rule.  YOU create the extenuating circumstances, and YOU are the exception to the rule.  I’m telling you, men do this, men have always done this.  Exceptional men who decided to live exceptional lives, because for them nothing else could possibly be normal.

No one gets to retire from relationship duties. You don’t get to store up a bank account and live off of the returns. Every day you have to put in fresh work. Because every day is a fresh new day.

Some people stay together for the children. I don’t agree with that, although I do agree that children need both parents. But if the parents don’t get along, children will be imprinted very badly. Monkey see, monkey do. Don’t let them see a crappy relationship. They’ll think that shit is normal.  It will affect them either for the rest of their life, or if they are lucky, for only a great many poor and painful relationships.


Your girl should be in some ways out of your league.  Keeping her should inspire you to be the best possible man that you can be.  You’ll HAVE to be.  Or else.

The same goes for her.  If she isn’t working damn hard to keep you, then that’s sheer disrespect to the both of you, and you both deserve better.  Maybe she’ll work harder for a different guy.  Otherwise, not your problem.


Girls will somehow read your past history and your expectations nearly immediately.  Within the first 15 minutes of the first date, she might bring up the subject of babies, and within 30 minutes you might both realize that you are going to move in together.

The absurdity is, the bitter sweetness is, the dark humor is, that girls go for bad boys, and bad boys only.

I don’t mean what you think  I mean.

You have to have very high standards and expectations, and a history of having those standards and expectations met.  You need strong boundaries.  You can’t be “nice”.  You have to have cracked eggs, perhaps many eggs, because only “nice” guys never crack eggs.  Having boundaries and expectations sometimes means breaking hearts, and having your own heart broken.

That’s the absurdity of it.  You can’t get what you want until you can be very clear that it’s over if she get’s fat.  She’d never even be into you if she even sniffed for one moment that you’d put up with that kind of shit.

Most can’t grok what the hard problem is. Probably requires meditative development to even understand the question.

For ages I’ve been compulsively driven to understand, as widely and deeply as possible. What is the nature of reality? Mind? Many go from psychedelics to meditation to the philosophy of science to computational theory to A.I. studies.

I think the cutting edge research on what is the nature of reality is being done by the likes of Stephen Wolfram and Penrose and David Chapman.

Basic ideas such as computational irreduceabity and equivalence, and embodied evolution of abstraction are essential.

Why is this important? For some people, it’s a compulsion. Who can untangle the evolutionary drives why knowing the biggest possible coherent big picture is a compulsion for some.

One of my biggest life lessons came to me repeatedly from the stupidest guy in our high school clique. He’d be laughingly stupid most often, and was humble about it, and laugh along. But sometimes he’d be fucking brilliant and funny. So reaching over my head isn’t arrogant.

There was a time in my life where I could not cognize the hard problem. At the time I read Heinlein’s book about Mike, the computer that became self aware, and it seemed possible enough that information itself could create emergent subjective qualia.

Many brilliant minds, including Daniel Dennet hold this view. For some reason or another they are not able to cognize what the problem actually is. There must be DEVELOPMENTAL steps required to be able to cognize the problem. Grappling with meditation might be part of that.

My thin understanding of Chapman’s view of conceptual abstraction is that it arises out of problem solving, and abstracting out layers of what you look at. Therefore looking and puzzling long and hard over what is aware may be a required first step.

In other words, the question is not self evident. You have to physically GROW the ability to even have the question.

Another example of needing to abstract out an object of attention through problem solving grappling with it is seeing your visual field as an object of attention. Many can’t do that. That takes practice.

Many think that the Turing Test is functionally equivalent to questioning if something is aware. Those who think so have not yet developed the capacity to cognize what the hard problem actually is. They have not abstracted out, through problem solving, what awareness is.

P.S. This is the 1000th post on this blog.

Game is the beginning of chapter one.

energy-body-coupleIt’s fine to focus on how to bed new girls. But what about after you get a girl? The chase is not even the first chapter of the book. Can be as little as the first paragraph. No limit to what’s possible after you catch a girl. Chase is merely chase.

It’s no accident nor anomaly. I’ve done this many times. 2.5 years living together, fresh and different sex many times a day, like rabbits. This is usual, and is a craft. It is a decision. It is a life art. A careful art.

Libido is not a mood. Libido is a cultivation.

So so so much value in bonding and partnering mutual care. It’s a forever deep craft, and it can work very well. I always have a loving personal attendant, constantly infatuated with me, and this is normal. This is craft, not luck.

It is a full life craft. Not a matter of pick up lines or some goals or mind sets. It’s a full life system. Being your best so that you can give and get the best out of your mate.

You can embody love, and be loveable. An object of devotion, every day. Giving love and fun every day, naturally. Because it’s completely natural. This can be YOUR personal normal. It takes time, but there are steps to get there; repeatable real methods and steps.

Lots of angst and discontent out there, but my house is always happy and fun. I’m dancing while the world goes crazy. Anyone else could dance too. It’s simply a choice.

A choice to take a path. But there is a path, and it goes somewhere.

When I first learned meditation, I was taught a rather mental form. Later I changed it and relaxed into the visual field, later learning that’s also a thing. Later I changed it again and now usually do more body centered meditation. Being embodied is important to me. An art.

There is nothing like the body rush of free form dancing with heavy barbells to a high powered song. Every muscle group you can find, plus cardio, plus rhythm. Fuck me that’s fun.

Few people know that you can listen to and co-create languages and moods and worlds in feelings in your body. It’s sometimes called chi-kung. A great source of balance or power or entertainment or healing or integration; it’s a doorway to you.

Just like creating music, the more you put into it, the more you get out of it. You not only express yourself, you find yourself. Integrate yourself. Give yourself new voices.

It’s a mystery to me why chi-kung is not more popular. It’s been an indispensable and huge value to my life. Indistinguishable from being me, and indispensable to being my best me.

Why don’t people know? You know how you charge your cell phone, so that it doesn’t run out of juice? That’s what chi-kung can do for sexual staying power. But it’s much more than that. You know how harmony and melody can create subtle moods? Sensitivity plus power.

A girl is a way to meditate. To become and express and share love. A girl is a way to be a householder every-day yogi. Some consider a girl indispensable to “enlightenment”, whatever that is. A girl is a way to really be who you are, but better.

If you want to deeply rock someones world, you have to be deeply rockable. If you want to rock out for years, that takes dedication and attention to the craft of rocking out.

Related: Why 98% of PUAs are clueless; the need for a bottom bitch

Role play is far more than larping. It’s the real thing, you really embody the roles, and develop yourself.

Want to deeply understand the female sexual mind? Sexual role play is essential. Want to understand your own sexual drives? Sexual role play is ABSOLUTELY essential. Only through role play can you embody your shadow selves, discover your drives.

People talk about women being attracted to “bad boys”, and some try to emulate bad boys. But unless you get physically and naturally embodied comfortable with your darker inner drives, you can’t fake it. If your darker drives disgust you, you ain’t bad, don’t bother to larp.

Some theorize that to keep an LTR hot, the woman must know that the man has options. Human nature is darker than that. To keep it hot, not only must the man be attractive enough to get other girls, he must also be morally capable of infidelity.

In my experience there times in a relationship where women are willing to play pussy wars. They get extra turned on, knowing that they are sexually fighting to be the primary or sole pair bond. If you are not morally capable of breaking hearts by being non-monogamous you’ll never get that pussy war vibe. And that vibe is a glory to behold. Makes you feel like a king. Until the inevitable drama. This is where role play comes in. You can cheat on her, with her. She pretends she’s someone else. And the reverse; she wants to cheat too.

Because of how the subconscious mind processes info, role plays are hypnotic reality. If you role play Daddy/Daughter enough times, and give a full historical narrative, she’ll deep down believe it. A part of her is unable to distinguish the role play from reality. Very powerful.

So you can both retain a strong sexual polarity and not get bored with stale pussy and stale cock, because your hind brains are believing a different narrative. You are freshly falling in love, freshly falling in lust, and you have side girls.

Humans are complicated. Here is what led up to today’s role play of her pretending to be her sister, while her “real” self was sleeping one floor below;

My girl woke from a dream this morning of me going back to an ex, and it was so real she became convinced I was up to something and she was predicting the future. Accusatory, which annoyed, so I mostly ignored her and her moody day.

I don’t play the reassurance game. Just don’t have it in me, which is to my benefit, as that game only trains the woman to throw moods and fits in order to receive re-assurance. I mostly wait it out, for her to come to me in a better mood, that can make us both happy.

She couldn’t calm her insecurities down, and I was in no mood for her, so she got naked and pretended to be a girl down the street, who snuck into the house, because she was very horny and wanted to suck and sit down on some nice cock.

Still being a bit pissed at her, and also into the idea, I suddenly changed the game to that she was her sister. After she stopped giggling, she got way into it, even using her real sisters name.

It was quite a hot role play, and I let myself embody the role. So did she. While both of us keeping our senses of humor. So now the tables turned. First she was insecure, then sex to get close, then while we have sex, I’m cheating on her.

That’s the beauty of role play. No moralizing. You can be and do anything, take on all roles. It really got her off that I’m the kind of man that would cheat on her, with her sister, with no moral qualms at all. And it got her off to cheat on her sister.

Humans are complicated. Most of us want to cheat, but not be cheated on. We want a mate attractive enough other people want to fuck them. When insecure we want reassurance, when cheated we want retribution. In role play, we get all sides of who we can be, with laughter. Hot.

Some common example types of role play:

  • Daddy daughter
  • She is underage and needs to keep this secret
  • She’s the next door neighbor and the wife is out shopping
  • Roadside rape
  • She’s being gang raped
  • King and peasant girl
  • Teacher and student
  • Threesome (you describe what the 2nd girl is doing, etc)

Every 5 years you are a new person. One of them winds up being a loving grandpa type.

I suspect it’s not only about jealousy. Older women realize that younger women can literally be hypnotized. I’m a very good hypnotist.

But I find it challenging and fun to maintain the hypnosis over many years. Maybe even indefinitely, if that remains good.

I picked up my first book about hypnosis at age 12. And my friends were all willing subjects. Age 16 I decided unifying the mind through meditation was a more interesting library book section.

Age 54 I don’t micromanage the cats or my girl, but know how to influence mood. Know how to maintain a mood in my house, maintain moral. Still blowjobs on demand, but it’s not exactly manipulation. It’s also meditation.

Most guy will say you need to learn to be attractive and date quite a lot before you might be able to relax with someone you like. It’s true for 2 reasons. You need to learn to be someone people relax around. But ya, also find someone less insane.

Who is the person you’d say hello to on the beach, even though you are very shy. Because she’s your type and compels you. This is a very common story. Not a lottery ticket story. Get better at LTR, Date a lot, LTRs get better. Much better.

My girl reminds me what seems daily that she is terrified I’ll go back to my old ways of having multiple girlfriends. It’s a real risk. The last mate gave me many chances, then left, and I’ve hurt girls who tried very hard to explain their pain. Equilibrium is fine at this age

We have great fun daily, so kind to each other. Very bonded. And I’m slowing down, and no matter how hard I work to maintain a peak of my best, I’m 54 and she’s almost 24. It’s happy to to be happy. That’s fine. It’s a different and good kind of happy. I like it.

Moral outrage social signaling is a short term fix with long term risks. People are people. You want the advantage of being in the mob? Then risk the mob against you.

kate-hillI don’t understand why there are any rules against consensual sex. Power differentials are not a bad thing. If people want to trade sex for personal gain, that’s their own business.

We infantilize and disenfranchise women when we try to socially constrain their sexual agency. Let prostitutes prostitute. Grant women free will. If you want to protect them from their own free will it’s the height of arrogance and condescension.

And what on this beautiful earth could possibly be wrong with using power to gain what you want? Sexual access is a GOOD thing. If power helps, then GOOD.

People trading sex for advantage from the powerful are not victims. They are negotiators.

Sex is, of course, currency. That’s obvious. Value for value. Free and fair markets.

It’s not prejudice to realize that it’s usually the fat girl who cock blocks her friend from going home with that handsome man that she really wants.

All this “protection” of young and innocent girls is really just cock blocking.·

The older a woman gets, the more she’ll be against prostitution, and the more she’ll be against age differences in relationships. Young women assume that females should have free will.

My very beautiful live-in mate of two years, who I am intending to impregnate, is 30 years younger than me. It’s the older women, the fatter women, who want to jail me. In public other young girls try to steal me from her. “Sexual crimes.” Bullshit. Old ugly woman jealousy.

Ugly women are sexual communists. Pretty women are sexual opportunists. Same for men.

Take any old ugly feminist, and she will role play everything she pretends to be politically against. It will make her cum.I’ve heard first hand accounts, from my lovers, and others. Their young experiences with older men were positive.  Very illegal ages, very positive stories. Actual real life, not moral grandstanding.  MOST people become very sexually aware and active before it is legal to do so.  MOST.  I’ve been the older man (not illegally). Why is it always that protectors of young women are never actually the real young women? It’s the jealous wives. The jealous men with no access.

Think of the children actually means think of the security of older wives.

Think of the security of older husbands.

It’s a real argument.  Then just say it, plainly.  Don’t couch it in fake moral outrage.

For all men who are strict about limiting young women’s agency.  What porn do you watch?  Did you ever use the word “teen” in your porn search?

At what age would you agree that the government should have an opinion about what you do with your cock?