Starting from nothing at 60

I hope that I’m not overstepping boundaries here, pulling a comment into a post again. But we all have our anonymity.

John said:

X, what you espouse is fine and dandy. However, I’m sure I’m not alone in this:
Almost all my life, since becoming sexually aware, every woman with whom I wanted to become romantic said to me some version of, “You’re such a great guy, you’re going to make some girl a great catch.” But never her. Whatever woman I heard that from always passed my romantic desires into the future, and on to some other fictional woman “out there.”
For forty years, as I am now 60, the same gentle yet devastating rejection. Over and over again.
Enter the internet, and Game. A day late and a dollar short. Late to the table again, I missed dinner.
At 60, I cannot make up for lost time. I am stuck with over 40 years’ worth of memories of nights sleeping in an empty bed.
So if the Three Rs don’t have the answer for younger men to the same plight that I have suffered, who does? You? If so, time’s a wasting. If a man cannot learn how to get over the first hurdle, he cannot finish the race, let alone win it.

Hi John. I understand and empathize. I used to get the same words from girls, all the time. Some even went so far as to say that they used to think that I was gay. It was bad, for many years.

Before and after I divorced, at age 24, I dated, but not as much as I needed. Before and after, older women saw me in a better light. Even my wife was 12 years older – but at 36 she was holding up perfectly fine, at first.

Things improved for me the more I dated. I did date a few young hotties, but it was easier to keep older women interested in me, and I also used to fly in an Indonesian girl to live with me off and on over three years. It was the Indo girl who taught me how to be dominant in a relationship, as she was culturally and naturally submissive, plus my employee. Since then I’ve treated every girl as my employee.

If you are 60 and want to make up for lost time, can you relocate to a country more favorable for a man of your age to date? The ex for my 21 year old Filipina, back when I was living there at age 39, was 60. And his newer replacement girl was at least as stunningly incredibly hot. Nineteen, as I recall.

If you do relocate, chances are it will take a few years of learning curve to get out of the chump zone. That’s normal.

Reading stuff on the old Roissy blog, pre 2012 might be a big help towards being dominant and playful and charming with girls. I can’t see much value on Rollos blog in terms of that, but if you can then great. Just be careful not to swallow his poisonous idea that you will stop being dominant and charming the moment you assume a provider role. That’s self defeating garbage advice used only as panacea for wounded men to feel better about not being able to turn around their social positions within their current relationships, and to prevent heartbreak in their future ones. As actual game advice it’s anti-game. Learned helplessness that keeps men down.

Roissy teaches bullshit learned helpless too – especially now, with his insane dark triad nonsense. You are what you are, and if you fake that then you are not loved, and care not. It’s difficult for most guys to tease out the wheat from the chaff.

As for Roosh, I have not read his books, but I’m not aware that he gives any dating advice at all, or that he dates. He gives seduction advice and he “busts a nut”, as he calls it. Both him and the girls he masturbates into seem completely disinterested in ever meeting again. That’s complete failure in my opinion, on so many levels. From before the beginning all the way to finishing too soon.

As for my blog, I try my best, but it’s incredibly difficult to give dating advice. Mostly I talk about my own life, which is often a bit fucked up, and of course requires my personality at the center of it. You’ll have to tease out the wheat here also. I plan to write some ground breaking and important new pieces, but frankly am a bit put off by the lack of comments here, so keep putting it off.

The key is to date date date. Blogs and advice can help, but you’ve got to date.

At your age that will be much easier in countries where the girls are poor and into dating older guys. If you put a lot of time and effort into learning charm, you will be surprised what genuine feelings young women can have for older men.

People with no experience of young women or girls from other countries have no option but to sqeeze square pegs into round holes. They’ll think that the girls are only with you for money, fake their orgasms, and won’t love you.

Ya, even the girl might think that at first. But it’s straight up biology. The poor things do fall in love, and will orgasm, and will get quite attached, if you know how to be charming as fuck, a great lay, and dominant. More than likely you’ll get marriage proposals more than you like, once you learn how to be fully social that way.

But of course the more socially skilled you are, and the higher up the value ladder you make yourself, the more options you’ll have with what types of relationships you can create and sustain. Some people put more than one girl into the same house. Some do partner swapping. Some maintain open relationships. The types of relationships people have been having are innumerable. Just never judge a book by it’s cover. It’s how your woman treats you that determines your status in her eyes. Not how keyboard jockeys put pegs into holes.


Charisma and musical development are synonymous

I’m playing around on my acoustic six string this morning, and have thoughts about improv that I think reverberate and echo widely into game and life.

When I was 16 I’d goof around haphazardly on the family stand up piano in the basement. Being of mild cluster C tentencies (anorexia, obsessive compulsive, struggling against neurotic thoughts) I liked to do a lot of tricky finger excersices. My thinking was that this would naturally lead into musical ability.

Later I wandered into the high school music classroom, during a free period, when all students could structure their own time. One guy was doing some simple chord progressions, with some non-technical melody in the right hand, using a slow tempo. It was a life changeing eye opener that I’ve never forgotten. I tell this story often. He put emotion into his music, and that was far more important than a universe of technical ability. It drew people in, drew him in, drew me in. It was an ability from another universe. I had no idea how he did that.

It would take me many decades of life and feeling and being open to emotions of every kind to be able to have something to bring to and pull out of the piano. The piano now is a completely different thing to me, because I’m a different thing.

We create our realities, within biological and physical and social constraints. But those constraints are bigger than any of us can comprehend. Music itself has been evolving over the centuries, and faster and faster. Social structures are also opening to more and more options. There is tremendous room within the facts to CREATE facts. Technology is the perfect example of this. We not only live within a bounded reality, but we use what we are given to paint and sculpt and compose and dance and sing and write and fuck our way into new worlds, that we create as we discover them.

You can make more beautiful and simply better music, using one string played emotionally, than 6 or 8 played with virtuosity. Guitar teachers, in fact any teacher, will tell you to try to avoid starting with bad habits.

Some teachers will tell you to never play even one note that doesn’t sound sweet. Focus on the sound, not the melody.

It’s similar with seduction and maintaining passionate romance. Technical game ability can get in the way of the moment – it’s not about your routine, or even quite so much about what you say. Or even do. It’s about emotion and what you are mutually creating into and out of your instrument. With seduction and charisma, your instrument is the other person. You are dancing emotions with her, feeding your emotions in and pulling her emotions out. Is the note sweet? Start with the note, and if you move on to melodies and beats, always pay attention to the note.

The guitar string can convey emotion just out of one note, depending on how you play it, and of course single string melodies can bring out more emotions. Add more strings and you can incorporate more elements of music, such as a repeating base line, or even a harmonic melodic base line. You can slide one string while plucking an open one. You can use double entendre and nuance, and convey several emotions at once; longing, sadness, joy, bitter sweet struggle, devotion.

Charisma and game is exactly like that.

You need to be able to first make one sweet note, then expand out, never losing the feel for what music fundamentally is embedded in, which is emotion.


Ultimately music is about creating and playing our own compositions. Mussorgsky changed the nature of music in his lifetime, it has been said, BECAUSE he was unschooled. He din’t know any better than to make something new. If you learn some musical patterns, or game patterns, these can not only open up possibilities, but they will also usually limit your view of what are your options. You’ll stick to the script, stick to what you believe that the pattern is supposed to be.

But that’s not how you write music, or how you interact with another person. You are always listening to that guitar string, playing with what it is giving to you. Listening to what emotions and sounds and chord progressions and melodies are coming out of the piano.

I’ve been very extreme in my musical development and focus on improv. I’ve learned a few difficult pieces, and these have greately expanded what my improv can be, and I want to learn more and more of other peoples music, but piano or guitar, for me, always comes back to improv. I say piano instead of music, because piano is a person that I interact with – it’s not an abstraction. The guitar is a different person, and brings out very different music.

When you free form improv, either with a woman or guitar, you might use some fundamental structures, but you have to more than merely bend those structures or add a few dissonant notes. You have to be listening to the instrument. Your own moods will come out of it, and yet often surprise you. You’ll be constantly micro-adjusting, or sometimes wildly diverting, based on what you hear. Different parts of your own mind are talking to each other, through your hands, the instrument, and the sound. They could not converse without this medium.


I’ve switched to playing my acoustic in the laptop position. It suits my interests and abilities better. My left hand is damaged and so I can’t play important bar chords used in a strumming style, and learned to prefer a single (or multiple) string finger or plectrum picking style. It’s easier for me to hammer on and off and slide and move around the fretboard with it on my lap. I also use an open tuning, so that I can also strum chords by simply holding all strings down to one fret.

I’ve seen guys use this style of playing on stage. The body language conveys a more contemplative mood, and their music is always far from the heavy metal that must only come from a different guitar posture. The body language suits the music I prefer to make.

This also has a corresponding analogue in charm. I needn’t explain it; I think if you use your imagination you’ll picture it clearer than if I give you the image.

Or maybe you’ll picture something very different than what I have in mind.

Which will prove my point. Game and charisma and music will be altered by your history, perspective, and interests.

This is not something to fight, but to lean into. You’re going to be leaning into the unknown, over and over, and often living well outside of your comfort zone. That’s what music and social interaction does; it expands what you used to think of were your options. That often comes with some emotional strain.


As a teenager I was once invited by two of the most handsome and cool guys in the school to join their clique, and hang around with them. That was too far outside of my comfort zone at the time. I rationalized this discomfort by looking down on them a bit, in my mind. It was a missed opportunity, that I passed up because I was safe in my smaller world.

Game is most often taught as a way to make you happy within a small world – game usually is taught in a way that keeps you safe.

But charisma won’t be what other people teach you, and it won’t be safe. You’ll be learning things that others don’t and can’t possibly know, things unique to you.

And you’ll be opening to new women and their worlds.

In order to gain positive reference experiences, it helps to be a social climber. If you are young, you’ll get good feedback from older women. As you become more worldly you may find your girlfriends and lovers getting younger and younger.

When I was 28 I had a 48 year old lover. At 50 I had a 16 year old one. Plus a 17 year old one plus a 24 year old one, plus a 23 year old one, plus a distant 17 year old one who was considering leaving her fiance for me.

People find it too much an insult to their ego to believe that I am a real guy, telling the truth about his life. It’s too much narcissistic injury. This is one reason I write so many diary type posts; to humanize my dating philosophy and ground it in real life experience, so you can see this as part of the human condition.

Many people will dissimulate like mad to claim that my personal currently lived life and my past experiences can’t possibly relate to what are their own possibilities, if they are even true at all. They don’t much care which option to choose – either it’s fake or irrelevent – all they want is a quick way out of personal responsibility to change their own world. This is a defence mechanism, and nearly always comes from people deliberately keeping their options and world narrow, because it’s far more comfortable that way to them.

How to learn music, seduction, and LTR game.

You’ve changed everything!” * she said, looking up at me with puppy dog eyes and an amazed and laughingly annoyed to be so horribly into me smile.  Yesterday.

A few months ago I’d noticed that J21** was starting to become more irritated, and kept making snarky little emasculating comments.  The quality of sex was declining. Of course that would not do.  Thas was completely my fault, so I changed everything.

I moved to my other place for a few days, stopped eating, and then after giving in to her pleas to be with me again kept a regimen of only eating every second day, and going to the gym each food day.  It took four weeks of that regimen to get the beginnings of a six pack, and to cut a fine figure next to her in the mirror.

I kept up with learning my guitars, improved our living space, hung a heavy boxing bag on the tree, and bought a saxophone.

I told her what I was doing and exactly why.  I told her that it was my job to constantly seduce her and keep her desparately devotedly crazy in love with me.  And that it was her job to devotely suck my dick and come a lot.  You can pull back the curtain; it makes no difference.  As long as you know a woman’s attraction triggers, the point is to push them.

Yesterday she came upstairs and complained about being too in love.  “It hurts!”, she said, holding her heart.  “I’m going fucking crazy!” she said, pointing at her little head. “I’m only downstairs on the 2nd floor, and I can’t stop thinking about you or missing you.”

This is normal.  This is MY normal.  This is something I know how to do, and I do it on purpose.  I like doing it.  It’s more than a hobby, more than a specialty.  More than even a personality.  It’s like music to a musician; it’s impossible NOT to play music, and to learn more and more and get better and better.

If I were to record the simple little daily interactions that I have with J21, each sentence would be a masterclass in seduction.  It’s really that good.  We have a LOT of fun.  Every day.

If Mozart were to talk to you about his music ability, you might want to take how he describes his relative experience as bragging.  But how else can it sound?  He had an innate talent that he cultivated from a young age, and devoted himself to it because he couldn’t help it.  He was tail end of the curve great, so anything he would say about himself would compare himself favorably.

I have some innate language and writing talent that I noticed at age nine, and since then I’ve put in long time and attention to the art of writing.  I find compliments about this encouraging to keep going, and here is an unsolicited compliment I recently discovered on another blog:

He is an expert at conducting MLTRs, plus a rigorous, deep and courageous thinker (and one hell of a writer)… High quality writing from a very original thinker.

I can safely take some pride in my writing, not only because of what qualities I’ve learned to build into it, but because I get social feedback for it.  Self esteem is our interpretation of how others see us, and it’s not narcisism  or bragging to have accurate self esteem.  It would be false modesty, which is also a kind of arrogance, not to be able to accurately position your abilities relative to various crowds.

One thing that always strikes me as interesting is hearing musicians talk about their best works and performances.  Their is no false modesty.  Perhaps because musicians really must be close to the muse.  People who are affected by the muse can never take credit for it.  It doesn’t really belong to us.  We don’t know where it comes from anymore than anyone else does.  So we can’t have false pride; the muse is incredible and deserves any praise she gets.  Musicians are always enthusiastically proud of their best work, and modesty or bragging simply doesn’t enter into the picture.

Learning is also heavily involved with the muse.

I was watching a video by a famous guitarist, who developed some guitar techniques, talk about his techniques and how he discovered them.  There are two aspects about this that I noticed:

  1. He was playing.

    In SEA you usually have to hire two or more workers to do the job of one person, because they don’t find work fun if working alone.  So there will be two people behind the cash register.  It seems insane, but there is some wisdom in it.  We don’t like to do things that are not fun.

    So if you want to learn something, don’t approach it as work.  Instead you need to find ways to make it fun, for you.  That will be personal.

  2. He was putting meditative attention into his learning.  He was immersed in it, having constant flow moments, expanding his awareness into the moment, being as widely present and attentive as possible.  This is another antidote to boredom.  It increases the screen-refresh rate and compresses time and gets your awareness working at a higher clock speed, cramming more and more information into the present moment.  When you do that, you don’t need lots of noise to keep you entertained, because your mind already has quite a lot of information to process.

Every guitarist has a different signature sound. Although you can learn from other guitarists, you can’t be another guitarist. You will be interested in different things, learn different tricks, and specialize.

This is the same for writers. Each writer has a unique voice. Sometimes writers will copy out word for word an entire book of a writer whom they respect, in order to help learn the style, however after time they discover their own voice.

It’s the same story for comedians. Sometimes a comic will be so influenced by a mentor he’ll seem a copycat. Eventually his interests and abilities move him into a style uniquely his own.

The same is true for game and seduction. You can’t copy any PUA. You just can’t. You will have different interests and skills and will respond positively to different feedbacks that interest you more.

As an example I could not and would not emulate Krausers or Blackdragons game strategies. That would be completely impossible for me. I can’t even read Krauser’s seduction guides, as for me the R selected bad boy game is completely disinteresting, and I’ve found so much success with my very different style that I find his entire philosophy of attraction to be fundamentally false, at the root. And I get unstoppably jealous, at times, and so would not be interested in sharing the women I fuck, as BD recommends.

So if you are going to learn things about female nature and seduction from me, you’ll have to keep in mind that you will be CREATING your reality, and the reality that women respond to. You will be creating your own unique voice on the guitar, your own unique voice as a comic, your own unique seduction style. You will be creating an entire world view, and an entire world.

Believe me, you don’t want to be a keyboard jockey.  This blog might be entertaining, but if you are using it purely for entertainment, you are mis-using it.  It’s information you can incorporate into your real lived personal life.  It’s here for a purpose, and a purpose that as a reader I sincerely hope that you will learn to appreciate.

The author of that famous married man’s game post is Hawiian Libertarian.

** J21 is my 21 year old live in girlfriend of 9 months. Her first name starts with J. I’m 52. You’ll see references here to M21 up to M29, N17 up to N22, S16 up to S21, V23 up to V26, and so on.


I’ll come back and write more.  Please always remember that if you get my blog on a feed, that I always update the first draft, so your RSS feed will barely resemble the final post.

Also comment a lot.

How to use LTR game during pickup

In my youth at Buddhist meditation seminars the idea would often be repeated that if you want to fill a cup with knowledge, that you need to empty the cup first.

So I spend a lot of time on this blog just trying to empty cups – trying to kill stupid memes that will prevent the happiness and life that you want.

It is likely that nothing I can say will be able to properly empty your cup – we are all embedded within our reference experiences and no blog is going to alter your reference experiences.

Another Buddhist notion is that the only effective path to change is threefold:

  1. Hearing
  2. Contemplation
  3. Meditation

Reading about how women work on blogs is only helpful if you also think about it and put the knowledge into practice.  Being a keyboard jockey will 100 percent always lead to wrong views.  You need to anchor what you read inside your own real lived personal experience, and contemplate about it to get an appropriate fit, for you.  It’s not enough to get lots of experiences if you don’t read about how to contextualize them and then contemplate to further contextualize and  embody the experiences.

No one can give you the truth about how women behave, because women are all slightly different and will behave towards you differently based on what you bring to the table.  So you can get some good pointers, but never the Truth.  You need to CREATE the truth.

Hearing, contemplating, and action will always lead to different, very personal viewpoints and experiences.

The goal is internalized real viewpoints based on real lived experience.

And to continuously update your viewpoints as you continuosly add new information and experiences – and here is the crucial part – all this must be done within the framework of a goal.  A lifestyle goal. There is no such thing as agnostic information.  Any viewpoint is towards a purpose.

The “truths” about women that men read on blogs can be extraordinarily dangerous, because they are gonzo truths; embodied truths.  True only to that particular life that CREATED that world and worldview.  Women relate to you very specifically based upon what world YOU create.

I suggest that a good goal for your life experiences, which will create your personal and unique embodied world view, is to get better with women and become more happy and give and receive fulfilling love and value.  That’s a lofty goal, but an excellent challenge that adds meaning and value to your own life and the lives of others.

Keyboard jockey knowledge is worse than useless.  It’s a diorama.  Don’t live in a diorama – that will only get in the way of embodying joy.

I have a theory that many people who have women troubles, and are therefore seeking answers online, have some very core issues that can’t be addressed or resolved through online advice.  Some people did not have the healthiest pair bonding and care with their mothers and caregivers as babies and during infancy, and this leads to Cluster A personality disorders, such as schizoid attachment disorder and paranoid views of society.

I don’t know how to address that, or even if it is addressable.  You’d need to look into that yourself, and perhaps start a long journey with therapists of various types.  I suggest that no single type of therapy will be ultimately effective; you’ll want to include body centered therapies along with cognitive therapies, and also explore other options, such as visualizations and hypnotherapy.


Here is an example of one type of problem Cluster A issues lead to:

John Cleese talks about extremism as a manifestation of Cluster A personality disorder. Both paranoid and schizoid are cluster A personality disorders.

Roosh is paranoid schizoid and through both heavy handed banning and overmoderation, plus attracting like minded followers of his thoughts, his remaining commenters skew disproportionately towards cluster A.  This leads to a feedback amplification of paranoia and attachment aversion.

“It’s all OTHER people’s fault we aren’t getting the women we deserve!”


Most men ultimately want a girlfriend as their goal with women, but when learning about how to seduce, come across ideas that they’ll fare better emulating an R selected bad boy, and faking it until they make it, and adopting dark triad traits, and avoiding provider qualities.

There is insight buried deep inside these ideas, however the presentation is too surface, too gonzo and twisted by twisted lives, and those ideas are nearly certain to get in the way of attaining what you want.  These ideas present themselves as meta, but it’s a very tricky shadow in the cave illusion.  Those are highly filtered and feedback-amplified views, not meta in the least.

The core insight of these (very false) ideas is that you need to get the true reference experiences and internalize them of being a dominant leader of the women in your life.

You can’t actually fake that.  As you date, perhaps read pre 2012 Roissy and maybe my comments on it.  It’s unfortunate that the comment section and current articles are no longer worth recommending, as the contemplation part of hearing, contemplaing, and action is quite important.  Commenting can really help you get better with women.  So can blogging.

It’s my expience that dating and having girlfriends, and learning to be dominant and sexy and fun within these long term relationships, leads a man to internalize the so called “confidence” that women are supposed to find attractive.  The more reference experiences you have of women treating you well, and of being able to maintain strong boundaries and arouse the utmost best behaviour out of the women you date, the more your body language will tell women that you are valuable and fun.

So this is completely different than R selected bad boy, although it is high-socio-sexual score body language.  You are in a secret society,  but it’s not of pump and dumpers.

It’s of romantic libertines.  You love women, and have had many, and they nearly always fall head over heels in love with you, and you treat them as best as you know how, learn from them, respect them, and try your best to enjoy life with each other.

Then when you are on a date, this will pour out of you – even when you are silent.  Every thing you say will be congruent with this, not because you learned a routine, but because you lived a real life.

I’ll try to be more detailed in the coming days of how to find and amplify positive reference experiences, if there is interest.  It’s a lot of work to go into detail, and I fear that most readers are far too cluster A or suffer other devlopmental cognitive issues to care.

So I’ll ask my readers to let me know if you are even interested in the comments section.  I know I’m viscious as hell in the comments section, but it’s not that scary in there.

Update: My reply to Jack20

Jack, I had asked you to read my 100 comments on Rollo’s blog before I replied.

And yet now you ask me if I believe that alpha fux and beta bux is are not dynamics that happen.

I’m pretty sure that I spent 10 or maybe 20 comments repeating over and over that the lover dynamic and provider dynamic are real, but that people keep refusing to use the word AND. Alpha fucks and beta bucks AND alpha bucks.

It’s kind of infuriating that people can’t hear that one simple word. I even wrote a post on the fact that people can’t process the word and.

Any alpha can be a provider with no risk or diminismment to his alpha status.

Rollo sees the world from the perspective of a beta bux. That’s his whole world.

He can’t even see that it’s completely inconsequential that some guys get treated like a provider.

So what?

Don’t be a beta provider.

That has NOTHING to do with don’t be a provider.

He keeps referencing a study of women’s ovulatory hormone changes, but ALWAYS neglects to mention that the changes don’t happen when the woman is partnered with a high testosterone man.

Also he NEVER mentions that high sociosexual score men don’t have their testosterone drop over the long term when pair bonded.

Which are perfect examples of how intellectually slimy that guy is.  A better example is simply his writing style; he writes to obfuscate instead of to clarify.

It’s completely irrelevant information that people can be taken for a ride and be treated like shit by their partners; other than as a spur to become an attractive man. It has NOTHING to do with provision.

Just become an attractive man – that’s the first and last job, and being a provider has nothing to do with it. You have to be attractive anyway, provider or not.

If Rollo had any clue about this, he’d be singing the praises of being a dominant lover who appreciates pair bonding, and might make a blog around the theme of “contemplative dominance for the modern man”.

He’s completely stuck inside a world that he himself created, and talks from that world, to people in that world.

That’s totally the wrong tactic.

That world is irrelevant.

Don’t be in that world.

How shaking off the 3 Rs is the first step to becoming attractive enough to get your dick sucked routinely. Second step is to…

The manosphere got off on the wrong foot with Roissy. Roissy taught core beliefs that confidence was the root of all attraction, and that dark triad traits were valuable to emulate.

It then stumbled drunkenly into a very dark alley with Roosh, who has serious Cluster A personality disorders.

Then Rollo came along, and hypnotized people with his pseudo-academic speak, and kept hammering over and over propaganda about alpha fucks and beta bucks until everyone just soaked in it and considered it to be true. Incredibly damaging poison.

All three have some insights into women and man-woman relationship dynamics; especially pre 2012 Roissy/Heartiste. However this has acted as fly bait, luring people into a dangerous trap, rather than feeding them.

The root of my personality and my best writing ever is in this post I made back in 2005:

It has at it’s root the Buddhist notion that all suffering stems from our unbridled immature human tendencies towards greed, aggression, and indifference. And that there are deeper more healthy and fulfilling ways to approach and deal with each other, that are based in open and awakened heart and unifying the mind in a cohesive honest whole.

We can be loved and give love.

We can. You can.

Stop listening to bullshit manosphere memes. Life is really pretty common sense. Love and be honest.

Below are comments that I made in the last post and elsewhere.  They are relevant and I believe you can piece the ideas together yourself well enough, saving me the effort of making a coherent blog post.

Blackdragon lives in the US and gives advice about maintaining open long term relationships, and has done so for many years. I don’t share his psychological makeup and so would and could not share some of his dating strategies (for instance I can get very jealous), however from my very long and detailed experience I will say that I judge his blog to be his real truth, and his system works exactly as he says, for him. That’s a stake in the heart of your argument right there.

There are countless millions of men in healthy loving long term relationships in the US.

There are pimps in the US.

There are differences between countries, and some basic human nature similarities.

If you want to change the subject to be about risk versus reward, then I’ll simply point out that every risk you mention can be mitigated.

And if it can’t, why the hell would you not simply MOVE?

Here is a quote about an MGTOW commentor that I found amusing:

You must be happy you live in the U.S. so you can blame alimony. Imagine if you lived in another nation, and had nothing to blame.

By the way, alimony is only an excuse not to get married. But you can’t even get a date, much less get laid. So nice try.

People can be, by nature and nurture, overly risk averse, and make this trait a habit that becomes an excuse to avoid personal development and confrontation.

Sometimes it’s better to risk losing everything, rather than live a shit life that isn’t even worth living at all. Because if things really do go sour after losing at a really bad risk:

There are things worse than death. And a timid life lived in fear of love is one of them.


But I really think it comes down to apples and oranges. The title of this blog post is:”If you respect Rollo Tomassi you have been brainwashed into accepting total loserdome for the rest of your life.” for a reason.

Because he is selling the cohesive world view of an apple, and to be happy and successful at life you need the cohesive world view of an orange.

He does not have the personal lived experience of becoming a highly charismatic man able to continually charm his woman to maintain her respect and devoted passionate lustly love, and his own authority and boundaries. *

It’s a very long arduous road to become such a man.

Only AFTER you are such a man, will you even be able to comprehend that the world could possibly be an orange.

But BEFORE you are such a man, you really really really NEED to KNOW that being an orange is a fucking option.

Rollo says it’s not even an option.

Which is why he is, without use of hyperbole and quite literally, an evil man causing tremendous social harm. Who attracts losers and sells loserdome for financial and social profit.

* (There are videos of Rollo online, and you can judge for yourself by his body language if you think he has lived a life working towards such masculine coherent charisma. I think his facial expressions are sometimes smarmy and effeminate and that he is not taking care of his physique. He does not strike me as a dominant sexy man who a woman would naturally give her best to, year after year. His body and facial language don’t give me the opinion that he values being such a man, or knows how to get from A to B, or even what B is.

I think this is a perfectly fair argument to make, because Rollo once posted a video of an Autralian teen named Cory Worthingon, and we were to judge by his body language and the coherent world view that it expressed (his attitude), using the “I know it when I see it” test, that he was an Alpha. He referenced the video and his argument many times.  He would tell us to watch Cory’s body language, as proof of his argument that “Alpha is not a demographic”.

He later went on to pull a sly and unspoken 180 degree turn and limit alphas to a class of physically attractive men that inspire lust on the spot, and claimed that if lust was not inspired on the spot that the man should look elsewhere on the spot.  An opinion that is a blatant tell of a keyboard jockey; no experienced charismatic man could possibly hold that viewpoint.)


Hi Jack.

I appreciate the careful thought that you have put into your questions.

Please read this and confirm and then I’ll take the time to respond in detail.

It’s about some major disagreements I had with his philosophy in 2014. I stopped commenting after the exchange, and if you make it to the bottom of the post, you’ll see why.

Comment update:

I have a lot of ideas about your questions, however after years of internet discussions have long ago come to realize that very often people are completely fixed in their views, and only use what looks like rationality in order to either confirm their confirmation bias or dissimulate.

That’s why I asked you to put in a little bit of work to test your intellectual sincerity.

However for now I’ll just cut to the chase, and contrast the gist of all your questions, with the gist of my post about how to give and receive love

In order to give and receive love, you need to:

1) Believe that this is possible, attainable, and good, for you personally

I’ve also made many posts that uses the quick shorthand term of “losers” to categorize Rollos commentors and the very closely related MGTOW movement.

I’ll be happy to expand on the argument that those who refuse to give and receive love, and use all sorts of rationalizations and dissimuations to avoid it, are losers.

And I’ll be more than happy to explain in 100 ways why love is essential to basic human well being. And that it’s attainable, sustainable, healthy, noble, and far above risk in reward. And I’d be happy to go into great detail about what love is and can be.

If you are worth talking to. Most people are not.

We are all a product of our reference experiences. Your questions would lead me to believe that if I were to describe my life’s experiences that you would have no option but to discount and re-write them, and to explain them away in ways that make me completely deluded to believe that my personal experience actually happened and is happening.

And I understand the sneering disdain that I not only don’t try to hide, but try to make as obvious as possible. I think it’s good and appropriate. I’ve seen myself get fat and unattractive. I’ve seen myself get drunk and treat people poorly. And I’ve seen myself diet and get fit and learn how to behave better. I’ve seen myself being completely unskilled at relationsips, and I’ve seen myself grow charming and fun and a respected authority in my relationships whom girls routinely sing loving love songs for – for year after year. I’ve seen myself suck at sex, and be great at it. I’ve seen myself lazy, and I’ve seen myself keep trying to get back on the horse.

I have every right to be disgusted by what is disgusting in myself, and to point it out when I see the same in others.

And what’s far far worse than mere personal laziness (everyone has the right to personal ruin and suicide, along with the ridicule that they should expect for following a path to ruin) is TEACHING others to give up. That they SHOULD give up, because relationships – the most noble of all possible endeavors – are low reward at best and more than likely dangerous.

When someone projects out his own inadequacies onto society as a whole, and then sets himself up as an authoritative teacher, that is, in a word, EVIL.

This is a comment that I think fits into the basket of “can’t we all just get along”. It’s a non-comment. A self-entardation meme-hammer.

Polemic is polemic is polemic. Why do you need to soften the edges? Make things all warm and fuzzy, and feel good and everyone gets a gold medal just for participating?

No, some things suck. Some things suck less. Some exact specific things that Rollo says are toxic, some exact attitudes that he has are toxic.

Don’t bring your photoshop smudge brush here and blur everything into a gigantic smear of “it’s all good, man”.

I used to sell wares on Grateful Dead tour, and the dreadlocked hippy wanna-bes tried their best to share a philosophy, that revolved around the saying “It’s all good”.

Fucking idiotic twats. When I could be assed about it, I’d confront them. No, it’s not all good. Fucking dimwit, non-confrontation is not a god damned philosophy!

Fucking hippies. It’s been studied that too much LSD makes people passive and afraid of confrontation. I keep losing the link, but I found the study on erowid.

I don’t suffer fools gladly, and people who think that confrontation is a meltdown have never witnessed a debate with a participant like Christopher Hitchens.

It’s NOT all good. No, we can’t just learn from everyone. People get sucked into entire world views, and YOU KNOW IT.

To get unsucked, you need to be vigorously shaken, sometimes. How hard is it to stop being Catholic, for instance? It’s all good? Just pick and choose the good that the good Pope says, and ignore the rest?

YOU KNOW very well that it doesn’t actually work like that at all.

World views are cohesive, and swallowed cohesively. People create authorities and swallow up everything they say, because they imbue no only specific ideas with validity, but the speaker of the ideas. YOU KNOW THAT.

Rollo’s food is laced with life sucking toxin, and so on the whole, his food is toxic. You can’t pick and choose from Rollo, practically. Because 99 percent of people who read him swallow all the intenesely life harming garbage – as a specific example the HIGHLY toxic meme that alpha fucks and beta bucks.

I’ll drop this here again:

And what’s more, if you want to understand what a book teaches, don’t just read the original text.

Ask readers of the book what it means. Then you’ll get the most important message – not what the book says, but what it is being read to say.

Anyone can paint a picture of a pear, but if everyone sees an apple, then the picture is of an apple.

Want to understand Rollo’s teachings? Examine his comment section. Compare his commenters with other slices of society.

They are for the most part MGTOW losers who have very little clue at how to date successfully, let alone how to maintain long term passionate relationships with attractive women. Which could be a fine starting place, yet nearly to a man they want that to be their ending place.

THAT is what Rollo teaches. The maintenance of class immobility. Alphas are alphas and betas are betas, so it’s not really your fault – it’s womens fault for wanting an alpha. And if you ever do become alpha, you’ll realistically have to pump and dump.

The passive agressive mind-fucker keeps pretending that he’s amoral and agnostic and just describing a real world.


He’s creating a diorama. NOT describing a world. His world is a fucking cartoon with gigantic meter wide pixels and only 4 colors used in the pallate. It’s a diorama that barely resembles life at all. And it’s all due to his lack of real world experience in relationsihps, combined with what experience he has coming from an underdeveloped place, combined with his confirmation bias of only accepting input from betas and losers at the game of relationships.

His view is not agnostic in the least – it’s the view of a loser, to losers, who swallow it up thankfully, as it absolves them of any responsibility or hard work to change their own circumstances.

Days of Broken Arrows Said:

Terrific write-up. I agree with this and upon reading it realize why I never go to his blog anymore. In addition to what you wrote, his writing is also joyless and humorless. His worldview is that having a love life is a backbreaking slog that required work, work, work 24/7 — and you’ll probably still fail because hypergamy.*

Chelsea Dagger said:

I never thought much of Rollo’s writing to be honest. It is very dry and humorless and his followers do seem to be a bunch of angry guys. It reads like a chemistry textbook and is simply too tedious for me to get engaged by it. I think Roosh is just as humorless unfortunately. Whenever I read his blog, you can really see that he is a lost soul, just meandering along with no purpose. Neither of these guys are well adjusted, happy guys and their followers are much the same. Roosh’s forum these days in particular is really attracting some dregs between the white nationalists and the nihilistic hedonists who’s only purpose in life is scoring one night stands.

These joyless, miserable men are guys I quite frankly want nothing to do with.


I like how you made the theme of this blog post about lifestyle and positive habit maintenance-grind as being fundamental to good inner and outer game and logistics.

I’ve also let things fall apart a bit, and am trying to get things in order. So much constant maintanance required to be able to be optimal and ready to give and receive at opportune moments.

Gym and diet
Meditation and chi kung
perhaps Business

as the top three, usually.

Maybe also:
practicing music
keeping up with a tan
staying social
keeping a good home environment, which might include gardening, decorating, cleaning, maintaining audio and video equipment, furniture and bedding and kitchenware and toiletry

Doing what we do in the moment is of course always a product of what we’ve done in the past, and much of what we have to do falls into the category of maintenance.

It’s not like a video game, where you just need to be good while in set.


There have ben some fun critiques over at Krauser’s lately of dodgy commercial PUA trainers.

It comes to mind that trainers that don’t mention the maintenance issues, and over-emphasize game, might have some of the common traits that Krauser laughs at, such as:

* outright lying about their stats
* paying for sex
* fucking ugly girls
* low to zero retention
* sexing drunken girls who are so easy to fuck as to be repellant to most men
* interested in the notch more than the quality of the girl, sex, experience, relationship, and her experiences of you, the sex, and future relationship; notch is the win – like a video game point.

Writers who use the term “well rounded” seem more authentic and trustworthy. It’s just like you say – a well rounded together life is embedded right in the exact present moment you bring. You can’t be actually attractive without being well rounded.

At least not to girls who aren’t crazed and dangerous human rent-a-bikes.

I feel that relationship game is barely discussed on the popular blogs that deal with seduction. I have a long habit of living with much younger women, and at 52 my current live in of 8 months is 21. We get along very well, and she treats me well.

I assume that just like day game, it’s a hard won skill that one continues to learn about and get better at. Of course it’s not just about set, or your internal framework, it’s also about setting, or the girl and her culture and your external setup. It’s still unusual and difficult to arrange big age differences with an attractive young woman who isn’t bonkers, but it’s much easier in some places, such as SEA.

And ya, people vary hugely, and while there may be trends, a lot of guys really aren’t built well for long term monogamy. And open relationships are possible but extremely challenging and volatile. The options for relationships are MUCH vaster than is generally discussed. The possibilities are MUCH bigger than is usually even hinted at.

I assume because it’s an overlapping, but still distinct and separate skill set. You can’t just transition out of day game into relationship game, as if it’s all the same thing.

Update: This is a low traffic blog, but sometimes gets a traffic boost if linked to by higher traffic sites, such as reddit.  If any reader finds the idea I’ve put forth that the meme of alpha fucks and beta bucks by definition could only be true from within the perspective of a “beta bucks” man,  and would always be false to a charismatic man and dangerously limiting to a man who wants to learn to internalize being seen by the woman he’s fucking as a dominant man, it would be helpful to your fellows to start a thread or comment that includes links to these recent posts.  I know that Rollo has snuck in as a cornerstone in peoples ideas of dealing with women, and this is actually a very serious sickness that needs serious discussion, in as many forums as possible.

If you respect Rollo Tomassi you have been brainwashed into accepting total loserdome for the rest of your life.

Rollo says that it’s impossible to be in a loving long term relationship. You can either pump and dump, or be a doormat who is not respected.

Over and over he talks about alpha fucks and beta bucks, and how it’s completely impractical to the point of basic impossibility to be an alpha provider.

Take a look at any of the old MGTOW forums. They are a self selected community of total losers at life, whose only purpose to talk to each other is to make each other feel just a little bit better about their position at the bottom of life’s barrel. The way they feel better is by constantly pointing fingers away from themselves – it’s everyone else who is stupid and doing it wrong. They aren’t the losers – the people who think they can win at relationships or are winning are the red and blue and purple pill losers.

Rollo gathers around him guys who have recently been burned at relationships, and teaches them that it wasn’t their fault at all. He creates an unfalsifiable world view that excludes all possible other views, and gathers together a community that always lets him carve and serve each turkey slice from the head of the table of his king-of-the-losers autobiographical-book club.

Rollo is a midwit who can barely organize his own thoughts, and disguises his disorganization in obscure academic sounding gibberish.

Look at Roosh’s communties. Very similar – very tight knit world views – however theirs is mostly a rigorously moderated echo chamber built around the personality cult of his flawed Cluster A paranoid-and-shizoid personality style.

It’s extremely sick, how a man can talk for years and years about his own life, and pretend that he’s actually talking about relationship dynamics. As if the more believers to his church he can convert the more true will be his god and the less pathetic will be his own life. There will never be a lack of ready and willing true believers – they come from the ranks of the miserable. Church can be rewarding and helpful, if the community focuses on helping each other, and not on an afterlife and preventing current pleasures. Rollo slyly and passive-aggressively focuses on preventing lasting mutual loving relationships. Sicko cult leader, using people who are having a tough time to bolster his social and financial positions, while burying his failures. Twisted fuck.

Rollo knows NOTHING about maintaining strong passionate love affairs, year after year. NOTHING. And he convinces the world that the reason his marriage and love life suck are because women are hypergamous. It’s not about him and his life, it’s about stages of mating, hypergamy, dual mating strategies, and everything else that is out of his ability to control or manipulate.

I wrote this the other day, originally at the bottom of this post:

Just talk about what it feels like to your own cock in your own wife. What’s with all these third person abstractions? You have totally lost track of what it even means to have a self. You are lost in a world of internet abstraction, a world of feedback from losers, where you seem to be king.

Are you king to your wife, when your cock is in her? Or do you need to retreat to your laptop to feel like a king?

Everybody has the right to talk about and interpret their own experiences.

Critics live in abstractions, and distance themselves deliberately, because no one likes pain, and an abstract world might be less painful.

Sure, Rollo.

It’s also anhedonic. Talk about your own fucking life, directly – you ain’t god with some ultimate viewpoint. You only have your own life – that’s it. Put your cock into the first person gonzo story.

Everything that you’ve ever written is not a cultural critique or an analysis of the nature of men and women. Everything that you have ever written is gonzo. You just refused to put yourself into the narrative.

And it’s a story of a guy who learned a bit, and gave up. A guy who thought that higher education was a thing, and that he had it.

You are a guy who refuses to put himself into the gonzo narrative. But every thing sentient puts you into that first person; even every last disinherited part of your loneliest forgotten self. And me; I put you into the gonzo narrative, Rollo Tommasi. It’s you who writes that, and that’s your personal first person lived life, on virtual paper. It’s not third person. Writhe and squirm and dissimulate – everywhere you go, there you are.

Your narrative really sucks, Rollo. It’s the narrative of your own personal life, and it’s not meta in the way you wish it was. Unless you want to identify with people who share your story.

Your story is small and undeveloped. You can have a next chapter. Just do it. Just have a next chapter. Or at least stop depressing everyone with your sad life. Stop telling other people that your life is the story of the limits of all their possible depressing futures. Mr. Meta.

If you want to talk about spreading a realistic message about improving happiness, start by feeling it. Then talk about how it feels, personally, contextually, in taste feeling form sound and current perception. Be there, now, and share that. Meta man.

Keyboard jockying about losers? Without knowing or caring or telling them how to feel and share love?

You are the losers you talk about, Rollo. Every post you make is gonzo, for years and years and years, to everyone else but you. It’s obvious that you are a reporter embedded in your own life, talking about your deeply personal lived experience. It’s always obvious. It’s so clearly about your own marriage.

There are websites that give a readout of the most common words used on web pages. Rollos is what you would think it is. It’s so predictable it’s like an insane robot from a nightmare. Alpha Hypergamy Bucks!


Why should I pretend to be dispassionate, as if we are all just disengaged from watching a distant TV set?

When people comment on forums, are they disengaged?

No, from what I see, people believe and are affected.

Lovers try to be distanced, but men and women both can’t help but be inextricable from their love affairs.

Propoganda is a science and art, and it works. Words hypnotize.

You are reading propoganda on other sites, and on my site.

It’s a real war – it’s a real thing. People are really affected. There is less distance between you and your computer screen than you imagine. This is a meme war, and the end result is overall ability to accept personal happiness and work towards mutual and my own happiness.

You also are a moral relativist.

Great comment Jake. I can see that it just rolled off of your fingers, even though each sentence is deeply soaked in meaning – like Tolkiens writings. It’s not quick plot twists that you can speed read and skim; you could chew on each sentence for as long as you care.

That comes from a contemplated life.

Jakes said:

The inevitability of moral decisions, for all decisions have a moral component. Perhaps that is what moral relativists are running from?

As an example, my relationship with V.

The eternal connundrum. A pretty young sincere virginal woman who wants nothing else but to marry you, and will use every possible means of seduction to get that aim, including at first forgiving other lovers – or even perhaps allowing them.

But in the end it comes down to a conflict of interest. How can we not be empathological and give in to monogamy? Or are we being psychopathic by refusing?

It’s a conflict of interest; there is no moral solution to a conflict of interest.

It’s naive, and I’d say a naivete born from inexperience, that could posit that free will absolves the moral dimension. “just tell her the truth and let her decide”

Doesn’t work. Try it. She will STILL want monogamous marriage, and STILL feel huge pain that will STILL deeply damage her mind and her future.

Exactly as you say; there is no ultimate frame of reference. That’s the inevitable phiolosopy of science. Science itself is embedded in our biology. Our personal frame of reference is inescapable, and there is no ultimate morality – no amount of empathy gets us to an omnicient point of view that is best for everyone.

There is no best for everyone.

And yet to attract women, we need empathy.

And so to love others, while at the same time being honest to our own true nature, we must cause horrible and possibly life damaging hurt.

Moral relativists might want to run from something, but we’re all dragged eventually into the inevitability of moral relativism. It’s the exact place that humans by our nature can not abide. The very place of uncertainty; agnostacism at it’s easiest and lazy-sloppiest, multi-perspectivism once in sharper big picture focus.. Either way, morals lose a single perspective the longer you look at them. This does nothing to dull the pain of causing suffering, or of compromising to suffer oneself.

How to give and receive love with a pretty young woman, habitually.

I’ve been very critical against some manosphere memes and those who spread them.  The reason is because I believe that these memes can directly cause tremendous personal and social harm, by stunting personalities and lives.

It’s my belief that deep down humans are wired to seek out pair bonding and love.

It’s my belief that much relationship advice directly prevents succeeding at these immutable and innate hard wired deep human drives.

The pre 2012 writings of Heartiste directly and openly admitted to the tremendous and inescapable value of love – and how love is the greatest possible pleasure.  Later he de-emphasised this, then seemed to completely forget it, then seemed to completely negate it.  Eventually he kept harping over and over on a clear falsehood – that confidence is the root of all real attraction.  To him all atractive traits can be reduced to and replaced by confidence.  Pure bullshit that will directly prevent you from finding and maintaining loving relationships.

Rollo says that it’s impossible to be in a loving long term relationship.  You can either pump and dump, or be a doormat who is not respected.

Roosh is just schizoid, and all but insane.  He’s deeply anti intimacy, and yet somehow thinks that intimacy could be possible, if only he could find a woman good enough.  Nothing is about him – it’s all about culture and women’s beliefs and habits.  He bans and prevents comments outside of his incredibly narrow and harsh belief system.

I’ve talked in greater detail many times about my disagreements with the philosophies and teachings of these dangerous and harmful men.  Please don’t underestimate their power over your mind, and their ability to personally harm you and your life.

I need to keep getting back to that, over and over, because some habits of mind directly will block your ability to give and receive love.

In order to give and receive love, you need to:

1) Believe that this is possible, attainable, and good, for you personally

2) Believe that you can realistically meet and date and spend a great deal of time with a woman worth of loving

It will be quick and obvious to see that many popular relationship experts can’t accept the most basic fundamental premises required for love, which is REQUIRED for human happiness.

So they are really trying to fuck up your life.

You might notice the next time that you are into a girl, that you are wary of leaning in too far into emotionality, because you’ve been heart broken in the past, and you don’t want to fall into a vulnerable position again.

It’s a wise instinct.  I have to admit it; love and heartbreak are two sides of the same coin.  Usually one leads to the other.

But it’s still worth it.

Which leads us to a 3rd and 4th requirement to be able to give and receive love;

3) Being able to maintain strong interpersonal boundaries (so as not to lose one’s self)

4) Being able to constantly repair ones boundaries and well being, through lifestyle and meditative and body centered meditative disciplines.  You can afford cuts scrapes and bruises if you can heal.  The greater regenerative capacity you grow, the greater your ability to risk injury.  Love requires a strong heart – and a strong heart is both vulnerable-and-sensitive-and-open, and well defined with clear boundaries of acceptable situations to be in and behavious to accept.  And a strong heart heals strongly – it’s our biological and emotional fact of life; life is about constant regeneration.  So is love.

Character and wisdom demonstrably come directly through sorrow, and this has been statistically studied. This blog is too low traffic for it to be worth my time to dig up links, but I’ve posted on it before. I know, there are over 900 blog posts here, so if you want to follow up on that thought, it’s still a matter of your own interest and Google-fu. But we all share that same intuition; who doesn’t prefer the company of wizened battle hardened happy folks?

Rough ideas that I may edit:

  • Love is somewhat dependent on physical lust – in both directions.  You need to both be proud of how she looks, and be into her type physically, and get off just from seeing her, smelling her, contemplating her, and also you need to have a self respect and eroticism.  You need to be proud of how you look, and get off on your own sexual response, and know that she is proud of your physicality and eroticism and how she can get you sexually high.
  • A very quick way to mutually share love is through role play.  We have intrinsic evolved responses that go back millions of years into the history of how our emotional systems work.  These responses are archetypal.  The most basic, fundamental, old, powerful, archetypal emotions relating to love all spring from our most basic, oldest, emotional responses of all – those of parents to children, and of children to parents.
    • You can very quickly fall into workable habits of mutual love, simply by role playing Daddy Daughter.  Girls fall into it near immediately – usually with just the barest of hints that you are into that.  Very occasionally some girls will be reticent about that game, but it’s too deep to really avoid – the intellect evolved much later, and the emotions are stronger and more base – it really doesn’t matter if the intellect disapproves at all.  The intellect might disapprove of a certain man or woman, but you’ll still get wet or hard.  Daddy Daughter goes too deep to be affected by approval or disapproval.
    • Daddy Daughter is also a good archetype to use in general, outside of the bed.  You’ll allow yourself more patience, and personal authority.  She’ll allow herself more abandon and respect.
  • A major issue that I don’t think has been addressed at all, on any relationship forum, is the incredible importance of relationship practice.  People are not innately good at being in relationships.  They fail often not just because women suck.  Sure, compatibility is important, but relationship is a skill – a difficult skill.  At least as difficult as piano.  It takes practice practice practice and you learn more and more and more.  You can’t learn it from a book, you can’t learn it all at once, and you can’t know what it is yet that you need to learn.  No one can tell you.  You only learn piano in steps – only by practice.  Relationship skill is a skill.
  • Daygame skills barely overlap with relationship skills.  You can be the top pickup artist in the world, and still be completely inept at giving and receiving love with an attractive young woman, and maintaining passion day after day for the longer term.  If you are interested in relationships, you need to very clearly see and know this. Getting a girl into bed is barely related to keeping her in passionate obsessive devoted love with you.

Feeling love is similar to feeling joy.  I assume most of us tend to avoid feeling happy, at some deep fundamental level.  We carry around with us like a childs comfort blanket this constant burden of feeling alienated and wanting.

Even in the middle of the most rapturous sex, this bad habit of mind can intrude, making it impossible to really feel loved, and to truly give over to that joyous celebration of mutual lusty devotion.

The easiest way around these neurotic mind habits are through the meditative disciplines.  Perhaps augmented by very rare psychedellic drug use.  Body centered meditations, and especially chi-kung get you into being being, and out of thinking about and watching being.  With body centered being, you can be love – just embody and feel and control and use your emotions, just like you sometimes do when you are totally into some song and riffing along with it in voice.  You join in with that song, and are at your full creative potential in your flow moment, embodying your emotions and body all together without need for separation.

You need to respect your own psychological need to do this, and respect that this is natural and default for women; they love to be in love.  They want and need it, just like naive teenagers.  You don’t need an excessive self regard to feel loveable.  People just like to love; it’s perfectly natural, and you can be a good enough receptacle for that attention.  Especially with care and practice.

* Being with someone is about re-enforcing habits. Habits of your own behaviour and moods and attitudes, and habits of your companion.

I suppose a definition of being charismatic is exactly that; the ability to re-enforce in others a habitual sense of joy for being around you.

I hear people often complain that they could not imagine being happy spending a lot of time with a woman, especially living with one full time, and working from home.

I think it’s not only a matter of personality style. I think it’s also a matter of relationship habits. And of course sexual habits.

I’ve written quite a bit about sex, and it’s my belief that lust is a huge help to maintain interest, and therefore the habits that increase lust, such as not having frequent orgasms if these tire you or lead you to disinterest, and doing chi-kung and lifestyle improvements that increase libido. Who hasn’t heard the joke of losing all feelings of love and interst after having a male orgasm? Male orgasm, because some women can actually get chatty and needy after coming. The reverse is also true; keeping your libido increases your interest in the woman. You’ll learn to prefer having that interest, and so will she. It’s better for the both of you if you are interested in each other.

Along with regular passionate sex, there are many other big and small ways that spending a great deal of time with a companion can become easy and fun.

You need to be able to enforce your quiet time boundaries; usually people simply don’t talk to each other. This is difficult for women, at first. But they get used to it, and it’s completely going to be your job to make that so. You will get annoyed if there is unwanted chatter all the time. Eventually the both of you will learn to appreciate silent company, as if you can feel each other in the space, and like that feeling. A feeling you both feed – a feeling of contentment and humor and appreciation. Maybe you had that with your Grandma as a young child. Being together is not equal to being burdened; we can learn the joys of shared silence. And be fed by the shared silence, and feed into it.
Just as it takes you time to learn, it will take your woman. You are both flawed characters, but at your best you’ll be trying to make each other happy – lately I’ve had girlfriends who do this as habit. Before I’ve had girlfriends who would often do the reverse, and deliberately cause angst. It’s quite common for women to be troublesome deliberately, and difficult to avoid, but it is avoidable. It’s not their fault entirely. Eighty percent is up to your own actions, 20 percent is up to your mate choices; and of course mate choices means being able to attract as well as being able to choose.

Some women are great to go sexually quickly, but others can take one or even two or even more years to slowly grow into their ability.

It’s also quite a bit your own responsibility that this happens. Again, Daddy Daughter is a decent mental framework. Younger guys obviously can’t be in a position to mentor, and so I recommend young guys spend time with older women, who are very appreciative mentors. Some older women do very well in the role of mentor, and have more to teach than you can know; elders always do. Later you can switch up the roles, with younger and younger and younger mates.

Strangely enough, you’ll learn a lot about being an authentic masculine authority in young women’s lives by as a young man dating much older women who mentor you. The dynamic is different in ways, and similar in others. The regalness and mutual respect from different positions remains.

If I drink, I’ll eventually ask you to tell me a story. When I’m out on the town with my 21 year old little girl, sometimes it gets to the point that I ask her to tell me a story. Inevitably she recounts our first date.

It was really that good. I’ve documented it here. It’s etched in her mind, and fresh. Our love is at least as strong as fresh young infatuation. Love can last longer than the average 6 months to max 2 years. In a minority of people the measured blood hormones associated with passionate love remain indefinately.

She still tells me that she loves me many times a day, just like she did from day one. She came this morning many times, and I was quite full of bonded attachment and love for that small child like woman.

It’s a skill.

If you want it.

I had to believe, on that first date, that all that actually did happen between us could happen between us. To me it was simply inevitable and obvious.

I wrote this as a poem once: “Cynycism is the dust on angels eyelashes”. Or something like that. Cynicism is just dust on our eyelashes – it’s not our vision, not our heart or understanding or soul. It’s just dust.

Relationship isn’t a skill in the same way that learning the facts of history is a skill.

You can’t memorize being competent at interpersonal skills.

Can you find a book that will teach musical improvisational skills?

You think there is some guy who can teach you to day game?

No. Well, not quite.

I’ll prove it quickly.

When the Beatles first came on the scene, most all bands that they knew only played cover tunes. Playing cover tunes is a level of competence, sure, but no one gives the same respect to others or ourself for mimicry.

Later they thought they should create their own tunes.

There is a lot of music created by different people, and it’s all quite distinct, even as we usually can recognize what comes from each distinct artist.

When you create music, you’re on your own.

Being good at relationships is like being good at music. It’s going to be your own creation, and it’s going to be extremely different at different times in your life, and with different women.

There is no book about this.

You can’t learn improv, exactly, yet you can learn improv, and it does help to hang around and improv with others. Seeing others do it makes you see that it’s an option, and you might try it, on the spot.

It’s really up to you to forge and discover your way.


What it sounds like for emotions and intellect to agree, deeply

JakeS said:

I’ve been down the post-modernist rabbit hole. Far down. Marcuse, The Frankfurt School, Post-Formal Operations, the whole fucking nine yards. It’s a pipeline full of shit that spews out into nihilism or Advaita.
At the beginning of the day, you have to get up for a reason, and that reason is inevitably strongly informed by some pretty basic biological impulses. Try practising some post-modernist shit retention, see how long you last. The body has it’s own truth. Post-modernists (along with the rest of humanity) are largely slaves of their bodies, wishing they could abstract and satisfy their appetites in the theoretical realm. Foucault was a child with dialectical diarrhoea asking “Why why why????” Chomsky is doing the far more difficult, constructive work – the ‘how’.

Exactly that.

And still though, for me, death is the final non-answer that crazy drugs lean us to stare into. Death is post modernist.

Death is not organized at all.

It was the early 1900s when Goedell used math to stare into the abyss. Any system that can use symbollic references (any language) can’t be both true and self consistent. The nature of knowledge itself is a mind fuck, and you can’t get aroud that in any way, ever.

Life is not post modernist. Exactly as you say.

Death is truth, but as you say, so what?

For me I cant come to rest at pragmatism. I need to go all the way to the edge where we have no fucking clue. Just stare there.

And then come back and be pragmatic.

Otherwise it seems disengenuous. Like faking it.

I like to keep a small toe in the water of being dead. Possibly why ketamine has been interesting to me, and shrooms and LSD. They can get you so weirded out that start to not know where you stand. That’s the main value, as I see it. Just staring down the unknown, for a bit. It’s not really worth anything, but it’s a toe in a water.

I suspect that Jake you get my point, but a wider audience that has not gone down the Buddhist or Post-Modernist deconstructive rabit hole,LSD and intellect basically lead you to the same groundlessness, afer a while. Just go as far as you can, in any direction, and you are at the ends of the earth. The linked youtube video commenter said it well. Deconstructionism has to deconstruct that basis of it’s own argument. And so even if finally you can’t avoid deconstructionism, sooner or later you just have to give up and contruct.


Update. While I admire Chomskie’s well wishes, I can’t help but to always wink at his sincerity. It’s as if he believes that his good wishes are inherently good.

And we can make very good arguments that they are – I can make those arguments, and I have. My entire blog is based, very obviously, on constructionsist philosopy. Is that a word? Constructionsist?

I just need to wink. I can’t hear the good will of Chomsky without needing some deconstruction and death at the same time. He’s so soaked in justice – as if that’s an actual thing (it arguably is, and it’s arguably not – which is the point – if you are not at once of both minds or at least agnostic about this, then you don’t get it yet). It’s kind of campy, even as much as I appreciate the truth and sincerity of the camp, and will sing along with and re-play and invent my own campy songs.

Noam Chomsky vs William Buckley

Google the debate if you care;  Buckley was a popular figure head for an umbrella philosophy that was undefendable, back in his day. Bad as his job, but much better than Mike Cernovich.
Noam Chomsky’s intellect is a force of nature. Any time someone uses the term “pseudo-intellectual”, they are indirectly referencing Chomski – the litmust test of what a true intellectual is.  You don’t want to be on the wrong side of an argument with that man.  He’ll just figure out where you are correct and agree and move on to more interesting topics, leaving you trying to tread water in the middle of an ocean – you will drown eventually – he’ll just let you flail helplessly all you like, and keep showing you that you that you are in the middle of the ocean and are going to die.

It’s always been glaringly obvious to me that he is communist in ideology, because he glaringly says so often.

This is a good write up of what has been my glare about him:  Quoted below:


Near the end of the century, Chomsky reflected on his debates with Foucault that took place thirty years earlier:

“We [Chomsky and Foucault] were in apparent disagreement, because where I was speaking of justice, he was speaking of power. At least, that is how the difference between our points of view appeared to me.” – Noam Chomsky, On Language, 1998

This, for me, is the key to their fundamental differences. Chomsky is a modernist. Foucault was a postmodernist. The modernist believes ‘justice’ and ‘truth’ have meaning and value independent of power. Human reason, used properly, can lead us toward a more just society. The postmodernist, on the other hand, believes that the meanings of the words ‘truth’ and ‘justice’ are socially constructed largely by those with power to hold and exercise such power.

How We Got Here

Imagine a beautiful Saturday morning in the seaside city of Lisbon, Portugal, on November 1st, 1755. It is All Saints Day, and people are worshiping at the many Churches and preparing for festivities. But late in the morning, about 10:00 o’clock, an earthquake estimated to be between 8.5 and 9.0 on the Moment Magnitude Scale, rattles most of the stone buildings, including the Cathedrals, into rubble. And then, amid the fires and the dead, and the chaos and treatment of the wounded, a tsunami rushes in causing even more devastation and suffering.

The time was ripe for Europe’s intellectuals to demand that we stop putting our faith in some fickle Deity and start putting our faith in man and human reason. It was time for ‘The Enlightenment’ and the ‘Age of Reason’. America, in fact, was born of the Enlightenment.

Fast forward 200 years, to the 1960s. I wonder if those 18th century intellectuals could have even imagined the technological progress we would make in just ten generations; for example, the elimination of polio, and of satellite weather forecasting. But even in the midst of such prosperity, there were serious doubts about our alleged progress. The Holocaust tormented the West’s consciousness, as did the Vietnam War. Even more agonizing was the growing realization of the failure of Marxist Communism. Communism was the star-child of the ‘enlightenment project’ believed to be the way to a more just, egalitarian world.

The answer was not to return to a faith in God, but at the same time to deny a faith in Man. Foucault spoke of the ‘death of man’ in the same way Nietzsche spoke of the ‘death of God’. And so we have the conflict between Noam Chomsky, who still believed in human reason and the value of the pursuit of justice, with Michel Foucault, who believed that truth and justice are ultimately manifestations of power and should not be glorified as though they had meaning outside of the power structures from which their meanings arose.

promoted by The Great Courses Plus

Learn Philosophy from university Philosophy professors for free.
Enjoy video lectures on the history of philosophy, philosophers, and political theory for free.

Caleb Beers
Caleb Beers, guy who once owned a book on philosophy, but lost it.

They disagree about the nature of justice. Foucault is interested in asking “Why?”, and Chomsky is interested in asking, “And then what happens?” These two divergent approaches lead to different ideas about justice. Tom Gi also has a good point here, which is that Foucault is a postmodernist and Chomsky is a modernist. Foucault keeps attacking Chomsky by repeatedly asking for a transcendental moral foundation, which he knows Chomsky doesn’t want to provide. Chomsky keeps attacking Foucault by asking, “If you have no sense of what should be done, what the hell do you plan on doing?”

I incidentally have a YouTube video examining their debate. Just sayin’…

Listening to the first linked video, and the ones Youtube auto-plays next, there is humor in how the various arguments are so blantant and in your face abvious, and are positions I’ve many times adopted.

The first video especially. Post modernism versus morality. And then later videos of Chomsky directly addressing the issue.

I’ve taken both sides very explicitly, and here on this blog.

It’s blatant and unavoidable – unless you want to believe in an afterlife or otherwise need to sugar coat and avoid and dissimulate away from any painful thought.

If you comment on Roosh or Rollo or Heartiste, you likely have a low partner count with also having never held 2 long term loving relationships.

If you would like to argue the point, then most likely you are a newbie.

I’ll prove the point to anyone who cares.  Rooshv took a poll of partner counts of the participants in the rooshvforum that roosh thought was his personal controllable crowd.  And a poll of dark triad traits.  The partner counts were crazy low, and the hamburgertistic traits were crazy high. Heartiste has a documented history of editing peoples comments to say what he preferred them to say, or just deleting them.

Rollo’s crowd is… well, just read them.  Losers.  Read my discussions with them about teenagers, or marriage.  They are socially programmed by women to accept all the terms of womens view of marriage,  limiting lust to within a number of partners less than two, and an age group higher than anyone attractive.  Or Rollo’s crowd can be outspoken in rejection of such social programming and instead adopt MGTOW programming.  Rollo somehow accomodates both sets of opposing weak willed and minded men as his personal entourage.

The internets remember.  And the internets will never forget Rollo saying that you should not even try to be a dominant man in a long term relationship.  He responded to my comments, and mentioned me in his blog post reply – men can’t be alpha providers, “practically”, in his least humble view.

Sure, Rollo.  Good excuses.  It’s not your fault, for not maintaining long term passion, or finding a new lover.  It’s your wife’s fault for losing interest.  Sure.

I’m sad to say it – but fuck you for trying to be any sort of leader from that position.  Your relationship is invisible to readers for a real reason, and I’m not going to be empathological about it.  The needs of the many.

Older guys would remember when newspaper relationship columnists got called out for being divorced.  People have every right to talk about their own personal experience, and their interpretation of it.

After that we’re talking about keyboard jockying.

Polemic has its place.  In fact it’s a science of statistics that shows that it’s shame that moves society in directions – people don’t want to be on the wrong side of the fence.

Rollo and Heartiste and Roosh are has beens on the wrong side of the fence, with losers on the nets to stand in for in-your-slap-your-face friends.  “Where is the ban button?!  Where is my comment army? ”

Uh huh.  Chomsky vs Buckley.

Any of them would fucking melt, under a gaze of any of the moderately well developed men in the real mens movement.

Social conservatism as a mask to hide fear of change, and as badge of belonging to the pity party of the burned.

I suspect that many people use social conservatism as a mask to hide their paralysing fear of change.

They use it as an excuse to avoid heartbreak, suffering, and joy.

“Heaven, is a place, where nothing, ever happens” David Byrne

People use real truths about differences in how men and women generally behave, to avoid any change.

And worse than that, gather into communities of the burned, compare experiences of being burned, and conclude that only burns happen. Life from the perspective of a person who has simply not yet learned the basic skills of managing deep passionate loving joyful long term relationships, is no place to talk about how women are. It’s so incredibly one sided. “Alpha fucks and beta bucks!” “All women are like that!” How the fuck would YOU know! From your few experiences of being ignored or burned? Grow some skills and see women from the OTHER side. And there IS another side!

“No use having any sort of pair bonded relationship, because I can’t know if the woman will stay locked down and good to me and faithful FOR THE REST OF MY FUCKING LIFE.”

Get out there and get your hearts broken, you fucking dweebs. Do it over and over, and learn how to heal and make yourself a stronger, better person. Be a fucking man. Slowly, over the years, learn how to maintain strong interpersonal boundaries, learn how to be charming and charismatic. YOU CAN DO IT IF YOU TRY.

You can’t do it if you don’t.

I used to be a tormented Buddhist, working so incredibly very hard for heaven – that Nirvana where nothing ever happens.

What an incredible bag of fools gold I was sold! Pure shit. Heaven, is a place, where nothing, ever happens.

Life is a place where we navigate risk and reward, win and lose, feel up and down, and do shit.

Your ideas about women are directly correlated to your social standing

It’s been said that Men Going Their Own Way and the anti-intimacy contingent of pick up artists who are obsessed with an in-group brand of red-pill philosophy are, by and large, bitter social outcasts whose deep underlying frustration stems entirely from their lack of fuckability.

I think that this is true.

I think that you can see this in the writings at the very top of the manosphere pyramid, all the way down.  There are very few genuine first person positive experience and self improvement oriented dating and lifestyle blogs for men out there.  I’ve mentioned a few in the past.  Revolutionarylifestyledesign is a great example of what a positive men’s movement can look like.

Yesterday I was contemplating writing a very negative blog post, entitled “How to spot a loser”, and to point out as many loser qualities that I could think of, with ideas of how to self-improve ones way out of them.  Many of the loser qualities I could see in my current psychology, and more of them in my past, and many of them I could see that I’ve already done quite a bit of work on and don’t drag me down quite so much.

Still of course the very fact that losers piss me off might be bit loserish.  But is it really?  Here is a quote from this article on ROK about MGTOW from 2014

The blunt truth is this: men absolutely hate seeing weakness in other men. This is not some conspiracy to “shame” men into doing something they’re not supposed to like, it’s a fact of human nature. We men have an innate awareness of how infectious weakness can be, and guess what? The MGTOW community reeks of it.

And I should quote the main point of his article and his reason for disgust towards losers;

Everything for them is a “shame” tactic. Want to be in a happy relationship with a woman? Pussy worshiper. Offering information on self-improvement? Scam to sell products. Free tips on how to live the life you want? More shaming tactics.

People who make these sort of criticisms leave no room for a possibility of a healthy relationship or life. According to the more bitter adherents of MGTOW, even if a man is in an intimate relationship with a decent woman on his terms, he is still a slave to pussy who has relinquished his freedom (but somehow dedicating time, money, and effort to gain validation from video games isn’t). This is the sort of attitude you would expect from a hater who is jealous of another man’s success, which is why many men feel repellent to MGTOW as a whole.

I’ve known and dated people with personality disorders.  Dangerous people.  People who can really fuck you over.  Sometimes you can just be in the wrong place at the wrong time and get fucked over by dangerous people.  The most dangerous trait of all, is the trait of persecution.  It’s always driven by an inner rage that can’t see it’s own source.

J. Edgar Hoover was an active homosexual who spent a good deal of his lifes efforts persecuting gays.  He caused untold damage to countless lives.

I once dated a girl with Borderline Personality Disorder who would invariably go through horrible mood swings in which she would dreadfully abuse and alienate all around her.  It was difficult to get out of her life, and I had to sacrifice a good deal of my business inventory to do so.  She then proceeded to stalk me for about a year, and contacted every girl in every chat and dating site in the new city that I moved to and slandered me.  All the while of course still wanting me back.

Hoover and the BPD girl are extreme examples of projection of negative qualities (or more accurately unincorporated shadow aspects of oneself) out onto an other and a complete inability at introspection.

“OTHER people are really bad, so bad that we could even righteously persecute them, and as a group take righteous pleasure in it.  And WE are being persecuted by OTHER people.”  Clear back assward insanity that is actively impossible to see by people who project.  Literally impossible – many in the mental health field will admit this openly – the worst BPD traits – especially projection – are completely resistant to any and all therapy.  It’s an active wiring, that you can’t talk a person out of.  It’s them damn Jews!  It’s them damn Gays!  It’s them damn Women!  It’s them damn Liberals!  It’s not me!!  It’s them.  Them people are decadent!

I think that the manosphere is horribly infected with this, and is for the most part rotten to the core.

The point of the post that I had in mind; all the ways we have social standing or lack of it; was futile to make, because those who are most lacking in social standing are the least able to admit it.  They will dissumulate like mad.  Literally like mad.  Like literally insane people.

Your social standing directly affects how women treat you.

Your social standing and social facility directly affects how your own woman will treat you.

Women can be kind, generous, honest, loving, extraordinarily sexual, faithful, doting love slaves willing to give their mind body and soul over to you.

Or they can treat you like nothing but an ugly ATM machine and act despicably in all possible ways.

There are social classes of women, just as there are social classes of men.  And women are very pliable, and in certain contexts can act at their very best.  Just like men.

If you are currently not in good physical shape, you are not in any position to comment on the socio-sexual marketplace.  If you are not currently as physically attractive as you can be you do not understand women.

That is because if you are not currently actively working at self improvement and being at near maximum personal attractiveness, you can not see the better sides of women.  It will be invisible to you.

And you are not in a position to comment about what you have no experience about.  Keyboard jockying is not passing on third hand knowledge.  It’s the blind leading the blind astray.

There are incredible, positive, life affirming, joyous opportunities with women.  Long term, short term – absolutely everything that you could imagine is possible.

Most of the red pill is defeatest, anti-intimacy garbage, spewed by losers at life looking for companions to complain with, or manipulating the frustrations of others into the personal gains of attention, status, and money.  Frustration porn earns ROK big $$.

And that’s not only tragic, it can be deadly dangerous.  There are some very fucked up personalities capable of real harm and damage in this world.  Genuine psychopaths.  Many in this very community.

And there are very positive people.

I know that I have a bad habit of spending too much mental energy on negative people.  I have an ex that has a deep personality disorder of being horribly passive aggressive, who is a huge mind fuck, and over the years I’ve allowed her to be very close to me; I even loved her at times, and would even say so.  Thankfully she got fat, which is way over the edge into total loserdome; totally unforgiveable for a woman.  Much worse than even the mental torture.  She was young and hot and attentive and usually loving and in many ways very positive for me, but it was completely impossible to reign in her passive aggression to a managable level; she just would not and could not shut up or stop being incredibly annoying at what often seemed every possible opportunity.  And it’s my fault for 1) not just ditching her and upgrading sooner 2) keeping going back to her over and over and 3) keep thinking about how incredibly annoying she is, when apart from her.

So, I don’t want to do that with other losers who deliberately choose to not upgrade and enjoy more out of their own lives.  I don’t want to focus on the people who prefer to complain about other people instead of upgrading themselves and therefore their own social circle opportunities.

I still have a long way to go until I deserve to be invited to the parties of the people I admire most.  I’m not quite respectable, yet.  But I’ve seen and been around good society before.  My last main GF, V, was very kind and respectable.  The current live in is in all ways at her very best.  My fathers side of the family is large and successful in all measures, especially in their marriages and family and social lives.  People associate based on perceived social fit; you can’t even know what society is, if you are a loser.  All you will see is other losers, and the girls who date losers.  Successful people don’t like to hang out with losers.

We’ve all read the same opinion again and again and again.  Many top mainstream manosphere blogs are toxic to the spirit.  They will bring you down.  No matter what truths they hold, after time they can become an obsession that leads to a very pessimistic, negative outlook.

I will go further and claim that this is partly deliberate, and is a crab basket mentality.  Losers who don’t want others to succeed claim that success is actually impossible, because it’s society and the nature of women  that is sick.

No, society is not too sick for you succeed with women.  Women are not hypergamous hypergamous hypergamous alpha fucks beta bucks feminism divorce rape false rape allegations blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.  Jeesus.  They can be everything you’ve ever hoped for, and much more.

Succeeding in every possible way you can imagine is totally possible.  It’s all up to you.

We live in a world of easy quick pleasures and very difficult attainment of satisfaction.  This is two sides of the same coin, because it’s the easy pleasures that directly cause dissatisfaction.

  • Video games
  • Social media
  • Porn and masturbation
  • Poor diet and excercise
  • Lack of meditative disciplines
  • Lack of musical disciplines
  • Lack of group face to face socializing
  • Pump and dump sexual lifestyle and lack of pair bonding
  • Easy access to addictive drugs and alcohol

Our technology makes becoming a loser the easy way out, and the standard mode of being.

That’s actually good news because all you have to do is to become in the top 10% of attractiveness in enough areas to be attractive to women.  That is the start of being in the position to become a dominant leader who women respect and treat well.  Because loserdome is so common, you can easily enough rise to become the cream.


Don’t forget to comment

Diary update #3

I’m also meditating and doing chi-kung in the sunshine every morning. I’d gotten in the crazy habit of frequently orgasming, as well as getting very fat and out of shape and drinking too much.

It was an incredible slide, and now it’s zero to hero time.

I feel so much better! Fasting is having a very positive effect on my chronic stomach inflamation. I wake up in the morning with no stomach pain. Amazing. Haven’t felt this good in ages.

Another benefit of fasting is simply knowing that I can. And knowing that I can easily, with very little inconvenience.

I don’t want to be that guy who is too soft to go in the swimming pool because it’s cold at first. I want to be that guy who can handle a little bit of inconvenience from time to time. I’m not so much into being tough that I take cold showers though; I do when there is no hot water heater, which is common in low rent places locals use, and I can go a year without a hot water heater, but if it’s there, personally I use it for the intended purpose. Fine – I’m soft that way. That’s where I’m at in that balance. Comfort is good, but avoiding discomfort when it’s required is kinda pussy, and I don’t want to be on that side of the pussy curve.

Meditating at first is a bit uncomfortable. So is fasting, chi-kung, not coming, working out, not drinking. After it becomes routine it not only gets easier, but pleasure is found in it. And the rewards are slow and cumulative. Baseline wellness after the mildly annoying habits are routine and have been practiced for several months is far above baseline happiness when eating and drinking at will, and letting the mind do anything it pleases all the time.

I can’t much even feel the chi-kung unless I do it daily for a good few weeks, and if I don’t deepen the chi-kung with alternating with shamata vipassana, for one or three hours a day, I rarely feel it VERY strongly.

It’s the same for the sitting quietly. It can take a few weeks before I really quiet down. I don’t push myself or struggle about it; I’m not in a huge hurry to have a quiet mind. I don’t really try to meditate; not much. But after a few weeks, I’m meditating. It makes quite a difference to the morning, and eventually bleeds into dreams. Everything gets more colorful and panoramic.

And the chi-kung makes it so that I don’t have to come if I don’t want to. So I haven’t in two weeks. And not coming of course makes me not only have more stamina, but in the long run, combined with chi-kung and shamata-vipassana meditation, also means the base level of contentment, joy, and love increases.

J and I always role play – every day. Very often she’s a random neighbor from next door who wants to fuck me, as long as my wife isn’t too close by. Very often before blow jobs, she’ll sniff my dick and declare that she smells pussy. “Pussy! Hmmm. It smells like 14 year old.” We’re both jealous people – potentially crazy jealous – but not too triggered by a little role play. She knows how to make a man out of me, and we don’t risk any bed death.

I had really really fucked up, listening to her “I love you so much, marry me, never leave me” over and over day after day. I got soft.

You can’t do that. It’s got to be seducing the girl from day one, every day.

I’ve got to actually be worth it. Not just because we’re already together and inertia. I’ve got to be worth it compared to the next guy, if she were choosing for the first time.