Random Xpat Rantings

Contemplative dominance for the modern man

Women arouse jealousy to test for love, hate plain talk, and hate that they love an independant man.

Posted by xsplat on June 8, 2015

superslaviswife said:

On jealousy: something Jon and I have noticed is that a little bit of jealousy and possessiveness is always present in lasting and happy relationships. It’s when it becomes a temperamental, paranoid jealousy that things fall apart and people become unhappy.

That tiny bit of jealousy and possessiveness seems to say “I value and want you, I am putting you ahead of many people, so repay my service”. And people like feeling wanted and valued, like they’re worth a bit of effort. And this makes them more likely to repay those efforts, to show that they appreciate the affection. But when that jealousy steps into paranoia and manipulation it says “I need you, one hundred percent of you, to function as a human being and I will destroy anything that takes even one percent of your attention from me”. Which makes people scared, confused and disgusted and drives them away.

Ya. Women are known to test for jealousy and assume the man isn’t ensnared enough if she can not arouse it. Some even go so far as to provoke a man until he hits her, and then take that as sign of care. One girl told me that among her peers it was agreed that if a man doesn’t hit it means that he doesn’t love.

I’ve never heard of men doing the same. We communicate more directly, and would tend to outright ask a woman how she feels instead of test her to find out.

Personally I feel loved if a woman loves me enough to give me freedom. Even though it hurts her to do so. Because she thinks of me first and wants me to be happy. It sounds like a fantasy but I actually had that twice, and I’ve heard stories of other guys whose girls would hunt for women to please their men with.

I do feel jealousy also. Strong jealousy. And I mate guard the best that I can. I believe that my girls feel a very similar emotion to what I do, and yet I want them to be faithful while I am not. It’s not fair. Nor is it wrong. It’s just what it is, and the woman can take it or leave it. Generally after some time women leave it.

It’s said that hormone and brain activity that correlates with being in love is usually only measured for from 6 months to 2 years. Non-monogamy tends to destabilize that already unstable period further. Some very primal and overwhelmingly intense emotions come up when we are pair bonded and in a non-monogamous situation.

It’s difficult to be both non monogamous and a woman’s best option. And I think it’s fair enough to say that engendering monogamous love is equal to being someone’s best option.

superslaviswife said:

“I’ve never heard of men doing the same. We communicate more directly, and would tend to outright ask a woman how she feels instead of test her to find out.”

And then, sadly, most men believe most women the first time around, which results in her, again, worrying he doesn’t care enough, because he isn’t prying. Weird cycle.

“It’s difficult to be both non monogamous and a woman’s best option. And I think it’s fair enough to say that engendering monogamous love is equal to being someone’s best option.”

I’d say it’s impossible to be non-monogamous and a woman’s best option, at least in modern society where every person on the planet is an internet connection or a plane ticket away. For every drop-dead-gorgeous, 100% Alpha millionaire who wants an open relationship with a harem of young women, there is at least a high Beta who is equally as attractive and wealthy and willing to take himself off the market for a few years, or a Sigma who is happy to settle down short or long term for the sake of a low drama woman. Women seek monogamy, short or long term. And the monogamous man is always the better option, as she gets more attention and resources to herself for however long they remain monogamous.

When a woman pair bonds to you, her body is telling her to absorb all your attention, to keep you from dating besides her, to get you to reproduce with her and feed your child until it is three, five or seven years old. And it hurts her that her pair-bonding didn’t work, like clinging onto barbed wire. But you can’t go through life without hurting anyone, either. You’d break hearts if you chose monogamy just as much as you do by choosing non-monogamy. There are as many men who are hurt when they hear I am off the market as men who are hurt by a single cheating or polygamous woman. Making everyone happy is a pursuit that’s bound to fail.

I agree that women do feel as if they need 100% of a man’s available attention and resources. (Never let yourself be seen as giving gifts unequally to your girls unless you enjoy thermonuclear explosions.)

However in reality a self employed man with ample resources can spend more time and resources per each of his three women than a man who has a regular office or blue collar job.

Women’s emotions will never see it that way though.

My emotions would also never see it that way if a girl I’m in love with stepped out. When I’m pair bonded I also can have very powerful emotions.

That’s why nowadays I try to manage the situation by lying more. As much as possible I refuse to give any information about what I do with my free time, but now go so far as to deny being with other girls. Because what they do know will hurt them, and what they don’t know wont.

If Sally hadn’t kept going through my phone, she’d never have been hurt. I spend ample time with her – it’s not an issue of how much time I spend. The issue is that she wants ALL of it. That’s just greedy, when you think of it.

And yes, being non-monogamous does lower a man’s value in the woman’s eye, which is why it’s so difficult to still be her best option, as the man must be so much more valuable in all other areas. It destabilizes the situation.

But infatuation is a very powerful, compelling drug. An infatuated man or woman will put up with a lot. Until they don’t.

And when some women snap they can get vindictive, and dangerous.

Being non-monogamous is dangerous.

And men know it. It takes a certain type of character to not be intimidated by terrorists – and that’s what women fundamentally are, when it comes to monogamy. They use emotional blackmail and threats of harm to coerce monogamy. Cars get keyed, false domestic abuse charges get laid, dicks get cut off. The kind of man who would deliberately enter such dangerous territory and stand up and say “bring on your best, I won’t stand for your terrorism, I will act in my best interest as I deem appropriate” is a very different man than the man who says “Yes dear. Whatever you want dear”.

That type of bravery and individuality is at once as respected by women as it is loathed. They are strangely attracted to that type of character. The “bad boy” character.

It’s not just that women are attracted to men who could cheat, in that other women would fuck him. They are attracted to men who could cheat, in that the man has the character that would allow him to actually go through with it and fuck other women. Bad boy is not the same as pretty boy.

It’s a conflicting desire that women have. For security as well as for the bad boy.

So the man both gains and loses value by being non-monogamous. Being discreet about it and not inflaming jealousy is the tactical move for the man who wants to love more than one woman.

***

There are plenty of guys on the internet who talk about how to be an R selected bad boy. They understand well the appeal. But what is never understood by these men is that the internalized characteristics of being that bad boy are not in any way in conflict to our paternal and bonding characteristics. Alpha-provider is not an oxymoron.

All of us with secure attachment styles crave intimacy and pair bonding. That’s the very definition of healthy. Craving more than one woman does not suddenly turn a man into a different type of creature who does not want pair bonding and intimacy.

And women who crave pair bonding and intimacy do not suddenly not also crave bad boy characteristics. They ideally want it all from the same man.

The problem is that for one man to pull it off is fucking difficult. Not everyone can do it, not everyone wants to even put in the effort to try. It is such a rare accomplishment that even the knowledge for how to do it is rare to come across.

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When mate guarding goes wrong

Posted by xsplat on June 7, 2015

When a baby cries, it gets what it wants. That’s the main tool it has. It can’t use force or intellectual persuasion, nor earn money to pay for assistance. So it cries. Toddlers throw tantrums and pout, and a parent who gives in to this emotional blackmail is said to have spoiled his child.

Adult women are hard wired with similar instincts to those of a baby. They will nag and harangue and pout and make the home a miserable place in order to get what they want.

And most men nowadays are ill equipped with the mental tools required to not spoil their mate.

As culture tends to be defined and controlled by those who rely on controlling it the most – women – you can read on public consensus (read female perspective dominated) sites such as wikipedia that Tampo, or pouting, is best seen as a plea for nurturing and is best dealt with by appeasing the woman. It is a minority of expats who see through the acrid bullshit smoke and pinpoint the problem of their bratty mate trying to make a dominance power play, and stopping the game by not playing it. On some expat in the Filipine forums, all the guys are chumps. In others, many of the men know the score.

Pouting, like mate guarding, can work with even sophisticated dominant men, if done with finesse. If overdone it’s brinksmanship, and will just make the guy want to leave.

I lived with M for over 3 years, and every few weeks she’d have some sort of jealousy related emotional meltdown, in which she tried to make my life as emotionally uncomfortable as possible. Emotional blackmail; if you don’t make me feel 100% secure and pampered right now and cut off all ties with any other female in existence, I will cause you continual grief.

I’d calmly explain. I would scream. I’d walk out and rent a hotel for a few days. Over time she tended to get a bit better, but the problem was too fundamental to repair. She has BPD traits that come out under stress, and can be like a wild animal with no control over her self and no ability to see consequences.

It was her jealousy more than anything that made me dissatisfied with the relationship. I was happy with the sex and how she attended to me, and we remained in love, but her mate guarding had no perspective that included seeing me as an autonomous self directed individual. To a borderline, other people can never be viewed as autonomous. That’s the “borderline” portion of the name; they are incapable of distinguishing boundaries between self and other. Other is just a tool to be used to satisfy one’s own needs. Much like to a baby, a tit does not belong to a separate self directed individual; all you need to do is cry and scream and make a fuss and it behaves like a proper slave tit should.

So when I started to see a 2nd girl, M naturally did everything in her power to stop me. From nagging to threatening me physically and legally to anything else she could imagine. I took not one bit of it. As I had two girls in two apartments, if one wanted to be unpleasant, it was a simple matter of going to see the other.

I had to de-fang her, and take away her tools of coercion. And I had to most of all make her understand that she had no tools of coercion, other than making me prefer to be with her over the other woman. And even then, I’d still be a free agent.

This threw her into a deep depression. Eventually she started an affair of her own, plus started dating around. We stopped living with each other, but despite some extremely dramatic ups and downs, we still see each other to this day.

The other night, while A21 was in my bed I went to vist M25, and she shared a story. I’d noticed that she had a new phone, and remarked that it meant she had a new sponsor. She denied that with “somebody gave it to me, so I took it”. This primed her to relate how a guy had gone through the messages on her phone, and found her messages with me, and freaked out and told her to stop, and how this made her lose interest for the guy.

It’s common knowledge among those who have experience with dating, that you can’t lay ownership claims on someone before they also feel as if the two of you are a couple. It’s a socially retarded faux pas. If one person wants a casual fling or is just testing the waters, you don’t try to pressure them into something else.

Roping someone into monogamy is a chess game. You have to win the person over bit by bit. Not only get them to fall in love with you, not only addicted to your cock or pussy, but get them to prefer being monogamous with you. Only after it comes from their inside can you start to enforce any rules and boundaries. You merely amplify what is already inside them.

If you try to fence a person in before they want to be fenced, it just leads to everything falling apart. Or worse. Worse is that the woman will gain an emasculated man, or that the man will gain a passionless woman.

A21 is a single mother with an attractive face. But she’s a bit fat, her English is poor, and her girl game is weak. When she got a text message from Sally17 telling her to back off from her man as she was pregnant, the only tool she could dig out of her emotional toolbox was to pout. I don’t respond well to emotional blackmail, so that got her nowhere and I told her to go home. Later as we were watching TV I put my hand over her pussy and she took it off and said no.

And that’s a separate issue of A21’s dating retarditude. She’s only familiar with being chased. She thinks that saying no to sex will somehow make me chase her more, and give her the upper hand, as if SHE is the one with this great resource of sexual pleasure.

I’ve come to view that I’M the one with the great resource of sexual pleasure.

I get girls addicted to ME. Not the other way around.

I usually have several girls I’m fucking, and I don’t let any one girl control access to sex in my life.

So of course what occurs to me at the moment she moves my hand is, “What the fuck are you doing in my room then? I have better things to do and other women to see.”

A seems to enjoy herself fine when we fuck. I see her habit of saying no or acting standoffish as mostly a power and dominance play. It’s similar to the tactic of pouting; she expects to receive more attention by being negative than she would by being positive. She expects more wooing and comforting and foreplay and seduction by merely saying no.

But it is socially retarded because it has no workable theory of mind of what goes through the head of a dominant man who has options.

The moment she moved my hand away, I was sexually rejected and insulted. Her power play became toxic, and I flipped a switch to off. I was no longer in “let’s play” mode. Now I was in “what are you doing here?” mode.

Later she kept asking about Sally, and I told her that she doesn’t have to worry about her, and not to keep asking about her as I was not going to talk about her.

Her being irritating set the tone for noticing negative things about her. When hugging her I noticed an acrid sour milk smell. I like my women to hypnotise me into a swoon with their seductive essence, but this girls smell put me off. It’s the smell that comes from excess sweat due to being fat.

There is a theory that much of our success comes not from actions directed at success, but from actions that put us into a position of being prepared for opportunity when it comes.

I have put in decades of work generally putting myself in a position to win. Studying meditation and philosophy. Maximizing my physique. Learning piano. Building successful businesses and social relationships. Renting, renovating and building office and living spaces. I am obviously in many ways a rare and high value catch.

This woman is fat and a poor conversationalist. She has not done her groundwork to prepare for being able to grab opportunity when it comes. And is expecting of me, right away and only by virtue of her existing at all, for me to immediately be monogamous and for her to dictate when we can or can’t have sex.

She is a part time model, and COULD be a hottie. But her extra kilos mean that she is not a hottie, so she doesn’t get the same leaway a hottie would. She can’t afford to be annoying to a man who knows his value. She can’t afford to play push pull with much push. She needs to be all about making me happy.

I’ve been with girls who knew that very clearly, and who did every possible thing in their power to make me happy. One girl even would suggest I go fuck my other girl when she was on her period. She was jealous, yes, but she acted strategically. She knew the power of honey, and she knew the impotence of vinegar.

I had expected A to visit for the night, but she told her mom she was on a 5 day business trip, and showed up with a suitcase. After the 2nd night I told her to go home, and she pleaded to just stay just one more night and she’d leave in the morning. The next day I had to tell her again to go, stand up, and carry her suitcase downstairs. On the way to the taxi my phone was receiving text after text. An angry and jealous A accused “that’s messages from your girlfriend!” and slammed the taxi door closed.

As she drove off I felt nothing but relief.

Later she sent me some negative texts, whining about how I hadn’t made her happy on her birthday, and I responded by just ripping into her. First I reminded her that I was going to take her out shopping, but that her bad mood made me lose interest in shopping with her. Then she complained of going home too early so I admonished her for not informing me of how many days she had planned to stay. She was unapologetic, and so I finally lost the last bit of interest in her, and ripped into her for her habit of saying no to sexual touch. One of her last messages to me was “Maybe you think I’m a stupid girl and I’m only bothering you?”

I did not reply. Nor did I reply this morning after she said she was crying and didn’t want to lose me.

People have a fundamental need to feel autonomous and free. And yet we crave intimacy and belonging. One way women and children especially feel care and community is through being given and following boundaries. Just like children feel loved properly by being given rules in which they know they will remain in good graces and be accepted if they follow. The duality between freedom and belonging is the fundamental conflict of pair bonding.

There is an art to getting a man or woman attached, and bound and following our rules.

And there is an art to not following the rules that our mate tries to give us.

It is a dance of negotiation, and in order to win the negotiation, you must have hand.

You must be the most valuable one with the least to lose. No matter how much you love her, she must need you more than you need her, if you are to be the one who makes the rules. I have many posts on how to be valuable to the woman, but two of the most obvious ways to maintain hand are by having options and by controlling the resources.

So mate guarding is possible, but if either the man or woman cries like a baby too much, that’s a brinksmanship move. That’s saying “I will make your life unbearable unless you do what I say”. And if the other person does not want to do what the other person says, it is only pointing to the door to exit an unbearable situation.

Jealousy therefore breaks relationships at least as often as it maintains them.

It is the weak man without options who is corralled into monogamy against his will.

And in today’s society not many women can be mate guarded unless they overall choose to be.

Dating is a competition against the competition. You can’t win a footrace by excluding all other racers from the track; no one would agree that you won. And even if we don’t want to admit it, there is competition for our mates. We only win with them if we actually are their best option. Mate guarding is a useful tool in the same way a hammer is useful. It’s applicable in certain instances. AFTER you already have a working watch, you can stamp some letters onto the backing with a hammer. You can’t build or repair a watch with a hammer.

In short, you can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar.

***

The whole incident made me appreciate my V even more. That girl has top notch girl game. When she found out I had another girl, she was heartbroken but not angry or vindictive. When we talked about it she listened and processed what I had to say, and communicated her emotions accurately and with respect. And she chose to remain in love with me. That’s a human being I can respect and admire. Plato considered that love should be about admiration of the best qualities in another. I’ll agree that it does feel very good to admire your lover.

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1978 BBC Anti-feminism report could never air today

Posted by xsplat on June 6, 2015

Watch this video in full and then consider which ideas that are credited as “red-pill” actually pre-date the internet.

There is very little that is a new insight regarding male/female relations. We’ve had brilliant writing going on about the human condition for not just decades, but centuries.

The human condition is far more basic than most people could possibly know, because you can’t begin to know what behaviours are cross cultural until you have lived in a multitude of cultures, and time frames within those cultures.

I keep getting older and the club hotties keep staying the same age. No matter how much things change, things stay the same.

Human nature doesn’t change, but what does change is opportunity, and that is affected by technology. The service economy, birth control and abortions, and anonymous urban living coupled with easy internet based hookups have given much more opportunity to women to fuck any type of man she should want to select for, with minimum consequences. This is the basis of feminism. All feminism boils down to a power play for independence of consequence for sexual action, even and especially for the fuglies, and for that men must be as a group as financially enslaved as possible and women as financially independent as possible, both through career and state assistance.

And all the core concepts of male female relations were not disclosed by anyone alive today – they were disclosed by attentive men before your grandfather was born.

Just look at old movies from the 40s. You’ll see again and again the wittiest and slyest understanding of “red-pill” truths.

Don’t let yourself be bamboozled into believing that there is a father of the manosphere.

* credit to Steve Jabba for linking to the video

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Sally contacted the girl in my bed, telling her she is pregant and my girlfriend

Posted by xsplat on June 4, 2015

A21 slept over last night, and awoke as A22 as it’s her birthday today. Then this morning I’m awoken with the news that S16 had contacted her by Whatsapp.

The whatsapp message merely asked if she knew me, and included my Whatsapp profile picture. I grabbed her phone and got her to block it, then I deleted the message. I explained that some crazy girl had gone through my phone and was contacting everyone on my contact list.

She was distressed and moping, but I fucked her a bit, then went out to spend a little time with S16. I didn’t let on that I knew she’d contacted A22, as A hadn’t replied. I just told her that I really like her, and that it would be sad if she started acting crazy jealous again, otherwise I’d have to dump her.

I get back home to messages from S16 that she loves me, and A22 is in a deep dark funk. I make a few overtures to get her out of her shell, but she’s throwing a “tampo”, meaning she’s completely uncommunicative. I long ago learned how to deal with tampo. There is NO “oh, honey, what’s wrong” from me. If she wants to sulk that has NOTHING to do with my mood. Let her sulk. I did not get sucked in one millimetre.

I did some business, pulling out 14 thick wads of red rupiah from the safe for a transaction, played piano, made business calls and talked to my secretaries, then took a nap, all while she was sulking. After the nap she hadn’t given up and was determined as ever to foul the air with her mood, so I told her to go home. Repeatedly. “I’m serious, if you are in a bad mood, just go home. I’ll see you some other time.”

Finally she opened up and told me that S16 had sent her a text message, asking why she blocked her on Whatsapp, and telling her that she was two weeks pregnant.

Fuck.

Again!

S16 just won’t fucking quit! Nothing I can do can get that girl to back off.

Furthermore A22 invited S16 to come over to my place to meet up.

I know that S16 is at least too afraid of me to do that. She knows I’d physically throw her out of the building if she could get in it, and I’ve told her before that if she ever comes over here again uninvited I’ll never see her again.

So I’m pissed. I’m not apologetic at all. There is no “oh honey, you’ve got to understand, that girl means nothing to me, please forgive me” nonsense. This is full on Just Be Yourself and myself is pissed. Well, with some heavy spin.

I tell her that the girl is lying about being pregnant, and that she had told the same thing to everyone on my contact list months ago. And that it makes me extremely angry that the girl is trying to ruin my life and A’s day. I’m nice to her and for that she tries to treat me like property. I tell her that I’d rather die than let any girl try to own me and bully me into living a life I don’t want to live, and that if I’m ever going to be a couple with someone and be faithful that has to come from inside me, not out of some threat or force. All of which is completely true. I would rather die.

In my irritation I tell her that fuck it I should just dump the both of them. And I’m so irritated that’s what I’m seriously considering. These two jealous young girls, one 1/3rd my age and one less than half, have the nerve to think they can own me and tell me what to do, as if they are my mother and I’m a child. Fuck that noise no more.

So I’m going on and on about how angry I am and all the reasons why, and how no girl will ever own me, when A finally changes her whole demeanour. Suddenly she’s hugging me and kissing me. Suddenly she opens up and tells me that she’s been so angry and frustrated all day because it’s her birthday and she got these horrible messages. Suddenly she’s laughing and we are some sort of couple again.

I ask her to change her phone number so S can’t contact her any more, but she doesn’t want to, so I have her help me to try to block the number, but she deleted the messages and even the phone log. So I do whatever I can to inoculate her from further messages.

“That girl is crazy and is going to contact you every day and will never give up. She will say anything possible to get you stop seeing me”. She responds that she’ll block her as soon as she gets a new message.

Earlier this morning after the first Whatsapp message, A was sad, but not yet sulking. I spent some time holding my hand on her heart, looking in her eyes and at her hot little mouth, gently reassuring her by giving her compliments of all the things I like about her. It was such a delight to see the range of emotions play across her face and shine out her eyes. Tender grief, fierce anger, empty depression, hopeful longing. I told her so. She shed a few small tears, and didn’t say a word, while her face flashed high bandwidth signals. It was touching, and I was impressed by her emotional range, and her vulnerability.

So I don’t know what I’m going to do with S now. I’m thinking to factory reset her phone again. My phone is now fully password protected and locked down, with encrypted OS, SD card, and locked sim card. I don’t even know how she did the hack last time, but I’m guessing she took my sim card out and installed my Whatsapp onto her own phone using that number. Top level spy shit.

Oh, and S had already contacted N19 and M25 a few months ago, also telling them that she’s two weeks pregnant. It didn’t stop either of them from continuing to fuck me.

And it didn’t stop the next two girls.

And it doesn’t stop S.

S16 will become S17 tomorrow. I have no mood to treat her well. In the past I have not contacted her for days after she tries to fuck up my relations to my other girls. What a little fuckable nutjob. I like that she’s attached to me, and even though her BPD style mate guarding strategies are a huge turn off, I don’t see her as actually dangerous. Yet.

The strange thing is that nothing S has done so far has caused any real harm. If anything my value with the girls went up a bit, and they got to see more of the real me.

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People claim that it’s impossible to have women love them in the West. Or the East. Sour grapes

Posted by xsplat on June 3, 2015

I honestly believe that the reason many men poo poo the idea of having a dominant LTR, where they treat their women with love and care and get subservient loving devotion in return, is sour grapes.

In an old fable by Aesop, a hungry fox noticed a bunch of juicy grapes hanging from a vine. After several failed attempts to reach the grapes, the fox gave up and insisted that he didn’t want them anyway because they were probably sour.

I honestly believe that the number one main reason most men think that such a situation is not possible in the West, and that I’m deluding myself to believe that I am currently experiencing it in the east, is sour grapes.

The very same men who think Western women swim in a culture too toxic to allow them to be properly tamed into being subservient and devoted love slaves, also believe that South East Asians are really only ever acting that way just for money.

Sour grapes.

Men do not have any personal lived experience of being loved, long term, within the context of a Long Term Relationship or Multiple LTR.

So sour grapes. The ego protection goes exactly like this. “That is not possible for ME, therefore that is not possible.”

“Not only didn’t I want that incredibly good thing anyway, but it was never even possible to get and doesn’t even exist. And not only that, but it’s the guys who think it exists who are the true fools! Oh, I pity those guys who claim to be having regular sex with multiple young attractive women who regularly give all inward and outward signs of obsessive loving devotion!”

But for the guys who claim that the only reason I can do what I do is because I’m in SEA, they still just stop their thought processes right there. Sour grapes. If it is actually true that it is only possible to have such a situation in SEA, that is not the end of the issue; that’s just the very beginning of the issues facing any man.

Does a man want that for himself? Can he even begin to conceptualize the life enhancement that comes from having one or many young attractive lovers who are in love and devoted to him and attend to his needs? And if the answer to those questions are yes, then how can he get it for himself?

If it truly is a huge life enhancement, and truly is only available in SEA, isn’t the next question what sacrifice would it be worth to get out to SEA in order to get such an incredibly huge life enhancement boost? If love and passion are not available where you are, then why are you staying where you are?

But if anyone thinks coming to SEA will get them devoted attractive women, they are wrong. Men from this culture and men who visit this culture rarely get that.

It takes a very well developed skill set to get that. You don’t get free coupons for hot devoted love slaves on arrival at the airport.

And so people use the fact that I’m in SEA to stop all further thought about maintaining loving passionate intimate relations.

It is so terribly convenient.

Why? Because they don’t want to think about it.

And why don’t they want to think about it?

Sour grapes. It’s too painful to feel a want for something unatainable. Much easier a mental short cut to pretend that they 1) don’t want it, and 2) the thing they don’t want doesn’t even exist in the first place.

I also find that the men who can’t conceptualize being loved also come across as being incapable of giving love.

And so you get these romantically inept guys going on and on about the ONLY possible relationship to hot young women is one that is an exchange of R selected sex, and that the ONLY way to be appreciated as a sexual being is if they cut themselves off from their own humanity by developing dark triad traits and taking on pure R selected sexual strategies, thereby refusing any depth of connection with the “lizards” and “bitches”.

It’s harsh, but it’s frankly irritating to have what amounts to the romantically under-developed (retarded) try to expound on how romance works.

And no, it’s not the case that there is such a vast difference between the West and the East. I’ve lived in both places. Throughout all of history and in all cultures over the globe, there are now and have always been some very fundamental constants to human, male, and female nature. They don’t change generationally, and they don’t change culturally, and they don’t change regionally. There are cross cultural constants that are due to our innate human condition.

As regards being an alpha provider, it is in no way an oxymoron, and yes, to be one is extremely rare. It’s rare because the skill sets required, and even the man’s supporting resources required is rare to attain. The skill development is similar to musical development – no matter how good you are, you can be much better, and there are people who are much better still.

So we have people who can play chopsticks on the piano, extrapolating that out onto theories of music. Well, it doesn’t work like that. You can’t know what you don’t know until you know it. You can’t even begin to guess at the relationship skills you don’t yet have.

Real, passionate, loving relationships with hotties is an advanced music. That men CAN do. IF they care to develop themselves to be master musicians.

And to be a master musician, you can’t just play with the left hand of R selected bass and rhythm notes. Nor just with the right hand of emotional melody. You absolutely MUST use both hands, to be at the maximum of your potential.

Anyone who still thinks that alpha fucks and beta bucks is nowhere near even beginning to understand his own potential.

Update: Ondrej said:

So you think that people who push R do so because they’re unable to max out both R and K so they convince themselves that K doesn’t add a layer of devotion from the girl while not diminishing your R attractiveness? Because they always say how it’s confusing for the girl and K is like a dominant alele to R – if you have both, you’re “Kr” and she’ll make you wait for sex.
Because maxing out R really comes down to simple fashion and physique changes, good mindset, balls and reference experiences. 1 year, 2 years? Easy, as long as you’re motivated.
Maxing out K takes decades. Possibly with no results.

Yes, Ondrej, but there’s much more to it than just that. To get a girl emotionally invested requires being emotionally invested. It’s a different skill set than just getting her horny.

It includes, but is greater than, getting her horny.

Thats the melody portion of a song. Nowadays people like music that has no melody – rap and hip hop and other shit. The lyrics often reflect the lack of emotional connection, such as “these hoes ain’t loyal”.

Melody is all about moving emotions. No matter how evocative are the lyrics, you can’t move the emotions in the same way without melody.

This dark triad R selected attitude being peddled is just a musical fad – music without melody. Relationships without melody – without emotional connection.

Yes, you can get a whole club full of people all excited grooving to hip hop.

But hip hop is still shit.

Ya, sometimes we can like just a drum beat to groove to. But a life without melody? On purpose? As a chosen lifestyle?

And then you get hip hop experts claiming that western women nowadays are no longer moved by balads.

Ya, right.

WOMEN are moved by ballads. Always have been, always will be. In any country, in any time.

So I think we get men who become experts in a very narrow slice of male female relations. A slice that has no melody, no richness, no emotional depth.

It’s not just because they don’t have enough money or social status to pull off connecting with women from a position she’ll respect. It’s also because they don’t have the emotional and technical skill set.

The types of strategies that are usually considered K strategies, such as loving and caring are babies that are just thrown out with the bathwater.

“Oh, I can’t be loving and caring, or I won’t get laid and the woman will just leave me!”

Sour grapes.

A man CAN be loving and caring. AND dominant.

It is not either or. Not K or R. Not alpha or beta.

A man can be dominant AND passionately bonded. Beat plus melody is far greater than either alone. And furthermore the art of music can become endlessly rich, until you can coordinate a full orchestra of instruments to improvise along a variety of musical styles.

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No means yes

Posted by xsplat on June 1, 2015

Riv has a new post about whip it out game that inspired this reply:

I had a newish girl come over today for “just a visit”. I spent one weekend with her a month ago, and this was our reunion. When I went to do the quick one handed bra unhinge through the back of her shirt move, she cried out “No!” and pulled back. Same thing when I tried again 10 seconds later.

Every time she said no, I just agreed, “No!” Over and over I kept saying no, while undoing her pants, while strocking her pussy through her panties, while cupping her exposed right tit.

She kept stopping me, and I kept up casual conversation, all the while my hands wer stroking and groping.

Finally I got her all naked, and I said what I ALWAYS say, just before penetrating.

“No fucking”

It’s such a joke by now. I’m serious – I ALWAYS say this, even with long term girlfriends of many years.

Or sometimes I’ll elaborate like this:

“No fucking. This is just saying a quick hello. No fucking. Ok just the tip. Ok, just all the way inside. Ok, you’re right. We’re fucking”.

I love being the one who verbally says no, while all my actions say yes.

She says no? Agree. Absolutely honey! No! All the while my hands just keep escalating.

The single mom I call A21 was convinced she was capable of saying no.

She was not capable of saying no.

Her mouth was, but I fully knew that her body was not.

And it’s her body that I was communicating with. Her voice was just a pleasant distraction. In no way any real hindrance. Just a fun part of the seduction process. Tissue thin resistance.

But I’m sure this tissue would have been like a white sheet is to a tiger; an impenetrable wall.

Most men really have no idea what a woman’s no actually means.

And then she kept calling me “naughty”, but I kept telling her that it was all her fault for being so hot. “Don’t blame me that you make my dick so hard”.

A21 turns me on more than most girls I’ve been with. I have no idea why – she is a bit fat, and while attractive is not the sort of eye candy to make other men jealous that she is on my arm. But my dick is rock hard stiff if she is beside me. Before, during, and after sex. I haven’t had a girl turn me on that much since I can’t remember when. She not only sets me ablaze with extreme fiery bliss when fucking, but sets off a fire up my spine even after we’ve finished fucking. I haven’t had that in ages.

And to me tonight was perfectly natural. Escalation just second nature, as common and understood a practice as shaking hands hello.

“No, stop!”, she says. “That’s right, no!” I agree, pushing her pants down past her ass and giving her a slap.

What could be more natural?

And after the sex we cuddled romantically, and she became more and more into me, staring at my face and eyes while I lovingly caressed her all over.

“You said that you love me so quickly after we met. On the first date. That’s so soon!” I said.

“Yes. So what? That’s fine”

“Yes, it’s good. I like it. But it was so fast!”

“Yes. That’s fine” she replied, smiling.

Then she kept kissing me and holding me, telling me that she had to leave, but being unable to tear herself away. We both felt as if we were part of each other, and it felt warm and blissful – as if it was natural and good and as it all should be. As if being together was belonging together.

Escalation is a huge part of what makes a woman trust and love a man. She needs a man who takes no interest in her no. That’s the type of man she can genuinely love.

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Only people with self generated initiative and drive succeed

Posted by xsplat on June 1, 2015

Generally even kind liberal hearted folks harden up and grow more fiscally conservative as they succeed in life. As young people who need a helping hand to get started, we internalize the ethics of helping others. It feels right if people share as a community. Later our efforts struggling in a competitive world disclose another side of how life works. Life is not only co-operative, the very fabric of reality also has a dog eat dog capitalism built right in.

Socialism and capitalism are two sides of the same coin – they are both just different strategies to power. Different strategies to actualize self perpetuating power structures. As they are emergent properties that naturally evolve out of any situation, they are inherent to the nature of reality. It is impossible to create any self replicating system that does not have both co-operation and competition.

And so we come to see that people born without ambition and drive should be allowed to evolve their way out of the gene pool. We come to see that employees without drive to add value to the company should be fired.

There is such a thing as pathological compassion. We can care so much that we implement policies that wind up hurting people in the long run. And it’s not just the big examples of welfare fostering disgenic societies. Necessity is the mother of invention, and necessity is the wolf pack that keeps the herd strong. We do the herd no favours by killing necessity.

I had one of my lifes biggest lessons taught to me by my 11th grade auto shop teacher.

He was a hands off type of teacher. We all thought him a bit dull, as when he would take attendance when kids were missing we’d call out their names and he’d check them off as present. He didn’t seem to do any type of performance reviews, and largely seemed to let us work on our own. I usually skipped his classes and spent my time reading in the school library.

At the end of the semester I snuck into his classroom after hours, and found his grade book. I was surprised to see that he had given me a low grade. It was written in pencil, so naturally I erased his number and put in a better one.

When the report card came out, there was the exact same low number. I confronted him about it. “Mr Wilson, why did you give me such a low grade?”

“You guys all think I’m stupid. I know what everybody has been doing. You haven’t been doing anything all year”.

He never gave me any feedback all year. He didn’t correct my behaviour. He said nothing to me – not one word or one glance of dissaproval. He gave me all the rope I needed to hang myself.

That was the kindest thing he could have done.

It wasn’t up to HIM to motivate me. It was up to ME to motivate me.

And that is the lesson that he taught me. The best lesson he could possibly have ever taught me. Way better a lesson than learning a years worth of auto mechanics.

I’ve done the same thing with my staff recently. I fired three of them, all at once. And I fired another one last night.

Of course I do try to give more feedback than my shop teacher; I have to, I have a business to run. But I’m not here to babysit people. When I’m away travelling, people are still expected to show up on time and put in a full days work, even if they think big brother is too stupid to be watching over their shoulder.

Three of my staff were not only incompetent, but habitually tardy to the point of disrespecting the office manager about it and ignoring his frequent admonitions to be on time. And then they acted all shocked and surprised when they were axed with no warning. “Oh please Mr! I’m a single Mom!” Ya, well in that case you should be more careful not to lose your job! My live in house handy-man let in one of my girlfriends last night, without my authorization, even though I’ve reprimanded him and the cook many times in the past for doing that. Plus the whole time I was in Bali he took no initiative to paint and repair when needed – he only works when I grab his hand and point it at the problem. Incompetent and no initiative. Goodbye.

People who are both incompetent and lack drive don’t don’t need endless corrections and warnings. They need to be fired.

People get out of life the value that they put into it.

Ambition and drive come from within. Anyone who has eventually succeeded has long ago learned this. That is why we don’t feel much charity for those who are too stupid to realize it.

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My virgin said she loves me – 2 days after she met my main girl

Posted by xsplat on May 30, 2015

I really like my V girl. Even if I didn’t want to fuck her, I’d still like her. She’s funny, smart, sporty, and has great girl game. With no prompting she cries out “fuck me Daddy!” when we make love. And she literally cries with the strength of her passion when we go deep into each others bliss. Not just screams, but cries, overcome.

But it wasn’t always that way. Not only did it take many dates just to be the first man to touch her firm high and tight breasts; squeezing my manhood into her virgin territory was a terribly tight and painful fit that took several tries. And then the chemistry was just mediocre, for me. I mean, I liked her a lot, but I didn’t really find my rhythm or groove and get to a high and long sustained place. Some short crecendos, after which I’d get tired and not passionate enough to quickly recharge. If I didn’t have other girls I’d have thought something was wrong with me. Woe be to the older married man with a fat wife; I’m sure millions of men think they have impotence problems, when what they have is chemistry problems.

V and I met up last week, after at least a month of travel and circumstances keeping us apart. It was a delight to get together, and we were more comfortable. But I still had stronger chemistry with my micro mini hyper neotenous seventeen year old Sally. Again I had a good connection with V, but tired easily. Later that night I had endless stamina for Sally.

And the next day Sally hacked into my phone and starts sending messages to V. She included a picture of a new girl I’d had in my bed a few weeks ago, that she got from my phone. She told her about my other girls that I’d been fucking while still dating her. Sally got V to come over and meet her, while I was still asleep. I was expecting to see V that next day, and woke to find her standing over my bed.

“Woah! You’re early!!”

“Are you alone?” she asked, rhetorically. Sally’s purse was still on the bed.

“Oh my god. You’re too early”. I was heartbroken. What a mess. I quickly walked V out to the living room, went back to my room to see that Sally was in the toilet, locked the door to my room, and went back out to talk to V, thinking maybe I could wisk her out of there before the two met. Sally climbed out the window and I tried to get her back in the room so I could deal with V alone, still unaware that they’d already talked. Sally would not leave me alone to talk to V. It was exasperating and the whole situation was maddening.

I was not feeling guilty – I was heartbroken and angry. What a mess.

V walked out, and I followed, locking Sally in the villa, after physically fighting to close the door on her. V was near tears. “Why did you follow me? There is nothing to talk about. I never want to see you again.”

Then she hailed a cab and drove off.

After an hour of text messaging her with heartfelt poetry, she agreed to meet at the beach, because “her heart wanted to see me”. At the beach I poured out whatever of my life story she could stomach to hear. After a few hours talking she agreed to come back to my place, and then we had better sex than ever. Some words that came out of some deep part of me at a climax were “I’m so sorry. I love you so much. Please don’t leave me”. Some words that came out of her were “I love you too”.

And the next day we finally found our groove. Very good sex. I love hearing her voice when we fuck. That girls got the best girl game. “Daddy fuck me, fuck your daughter Daddy!” And we not only connected in some sustained bliss, but in deep emotion. And again. And again. Yeah.

Sally had told V that she is two weeks pregnant. She told her to back off, that I was her man, that we’d been dating for over 6 months. She threatened V with black magic and worse.

And yet for all that all she did was drive V and I closer.

V never agreed to me having more than one girl. She said it’s a completely untenable situation that no girl, including her, would or could ever agree to.

And yet her actions tell a totally different story. She’s concerned about me seeing other girls, but isn’t pushing it. She believes in our love, because it’s true. And she knows it’s true because Sally forced my hand to be honest.

Now I don’t have any secrets from V. I explained everything in detail about my life; how my heart is like the sun and how I often keep multiple girlfriends. I’m not the asshole anymore, I’m the lover. And I do love that girl.

There is no conflict of interest inside, or outside now. I’m free to be who I am. And that probably has a big part to play in why my dick gets harder for V now.

By the way, I know some people think that older guys dating younger women out here MUST have a lot to do with financial support.

Well, V not only put herself through college on a scholarship, but is crafty business-woman who earns from four up to ten thousand dollars per month. In a country where a well paid secretary at a top company earns $350 and programmers start at the same.

V was a virgin, holding out until the age of 23 to give it up, to me.

She’s not into me for my looks, nor my money. But she’s into me. Something fierce.

We not only found our chemistry with each other, we deliberately made it. I’m good at my game, and she’s good at hers. We created this fire, out of sticks and twigs. Well done girl. Daddy loves you.

***

Oh, by the way, Sally and I are also closer than ever. After I locked her in the villa she smashed plates and glasses, then walked out when I returned. I was furious at her and didn’t meet up with her again for a few days, and when I did I could hardly bring myself to talk to her. She’s still as possessive as ever, but she got another dose of my not giving a fuck leave me if you don’t like it attitude. Jealousy is a HUGE turn off to me. I’d really rather be without the girl at all than inside her jail cell. And just like V, Sally says one thing and does another. She says she can not and will not ever abide by me seeing other girls, and does abide by it.

***

Oh, and there is another new girl who also regularly says that she loves me. I only spent three days with her so far, but we hit it off quite well. A single mother. Twenty one. I don’t know what it is about her, but to me that girl is viagra embodied. Maybe it’s the shape of her mouth.

***

M25 has been waiting to see me. She likes to mention that she will always love me and visit me for the rest of her life, even if she is married, and even if I’m 80. I could call up N19 but have no mood to do so, and haven’t contacted her in many weeks.

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When I see a picture of myself I see an asshole

Posted by xsplat on April 24, 2015

I’ve broken some hearts lately, and I don’t have the will to stop.

They say “don’t hate the player, hate the game”. But I’ve been holding hidden feelings of guilt. I only become aware of them if I see a picture of myself.

Along those lines, there are other patterns of emotions and self-image I’ve been noticing. When I’m hunting I often have a deep feeling of lonely hunger.

But I had a dream last night. One of those beautiful, mystical dreams that are literally spiritual. In the dream I noticed that the fact that our attention is under the sway of our will, that our life is literally a spiritual experience, with so much potential for beauty.

Today when hunting, I was not lonely. I was not hungry. I was happy.

I’ve also lately been researching and experimenting with pharmacological choices.

Tonight I could push myself to hit a club, but I may just stay in for a while longer and make better friends with who is in the mirror, and practice my free will to choose my awareness via the remarkable practices of chi-kung.

I don’t want to think of myself as a callous heartbreaker. I don’t want to view the world as an ugly win-lose game.

A big reason why I can have an emotional effect on girls is because of my emotional affect. I can’t have that if I see myself as a dick.

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Because even a virgin who is passionately in love with me is not enough

Posted by xsplat on April 10, 2015

A pretty face is a drug. And a tight and firm little girl body with ample breasts that are high and firm enough to have sprouted the night before will arouse me into a fervour of religious reverie.

I love being in love. Mutual love is the best possible drug.

I’ve tried heroin, crack, codeine, valium, pot, lsd, shrooms, and more. I’ve had experiences of strong meditative bliss, and screaming chi-kung ecstasies. But nothing comes close to the drug of being in mutual love with a hottie who orgasms regularly and easily.

XSplat, quick question: what is the best exercise or tip for increasing one’s horniness toward a particular female?

I wish I knew. There is a girl that I really like in many ways who doesn’t physically turn me on as much as I’m used to. It’s a shame. Especially as I recently took her virginity and she’s obsessively infatuated with me.

I’ve been in the same situation before, in Thailand. There was a time when I had two girlfriends – one I loved but would go soft inside sometimes only after a few minutes. The other one I didn’t like at all, but we fucked for hours and hours pretty well every day.

I really wish I had a choice in these matters.

It could get very confusing if I didn’t have the comparisons. I’d think my dick wasn’t working.

And the same happens for girls. For some girls they only come with me. But sadly, also for some girls they come for other guys but not me.

Chemistry can be discovered, over time, and it can grow. I’ve seen that many times. But I’ve also seen it not grow.

I wish I had a button inside me to push so that a girl with a great personality but body shape that doesn’t quite do it could turn me on as much as a hotty bitch.

And I wish my personality and skills were always enough to get 100% of all women’s motors fully running.

I appreciate the different kinds of love and passion I can feel for women. The companionate appreciation can be real and deep and meaningful. But it’s very different from the effect of eye candy. I just love a pretty face.

And I know women can be the same way. They can love a man, but not feel that rush.

And yet chemistry isn’t an easy calculation. I’ve known girls to come easily and passionately with me, and not at all with model handsome men.

And the types of girls I’m most into would not do it for a lot of guys. I like them micro mini and way over the top neotenous. Like Japanese Anime girls. Sopping wet with sexuality, but with a look so young it’s on some edge. Blossomed, but freshly pink.

I was out hunting yesterday. I started with the beach, and then cruised a shopping mall. It’s a fascinating endeavor. Scouting around, thoughts will scamper through my mind; “Is that girl hot enough for me to bother to approach? Na. Even if I got her interested I’d quickly lose interest in her. Woah! That one is so hot! I can’t possibly stand a chance. What is my state like? Am I in the best possible zone, or should I do a few practice sets and come back? I don’t want to use a hottie for practice – she needs my best possible a game, just for me to have the slimmest of chances.”

One girl was dressed up in a fuck-me outfit, walking with her plain friend. Boom I opened. “Hi! What’s your name? I had to stop you.”.”Why?” I look her up and down and say as if it’s obvious “because you’re so hot!” Everything I said came out with a side of lame and awkward and greasy, and I was leering at her with a creepy grandpa smirk. I was hurried and urgent in my rapid fire questions. “How long are you staying here? What do you do?” In the end I let her escape by handing her my business card for a purported modelling agency.

But you know what? She actually messaged me an hour later. And then gave me lols when I told her that her name Sasha sounded Russian, and that I would call her Natasha instead.

So I’m an old guy, creeping around the beaches and malls, hunting for girls who are WAY the fuck out of my league, so that I can fuck them and feel that most exquisite of highs. And bond with them and get them to fall in love with me and make my sheets all wet.

I met a girl at a shopping mall some months back. She chose my checkout lane at a department store so I struck up a conversation. I’d had one date with her and her friend, that seemed to go ok, but I could never get her out on a second date, so I gave up and hired her as a talent scout for my purported modelling business, and to do some part time data entry. She only visited a few times for training after that, but when she did I couldn’t help but stare at her face. I literally fell in love each time she’d visit. It would last at least an hour.

So yesterday I finally got her out on a date. I told her that I wanted to get to know her better, and so she agreed to an “interview”.

We started out on the beach, and the interview went well right off the bat. Two glasses of wine later I took her to a restaurant near my villa. During dinner I finally got to the three big questions that I wanted to ask her. 1) Is she a virgin? Yes. 2) Has she ever watched porn? No. 3) Has she ever masturbated? No. When I told her of of how I had to rape-start M21 and how it took her a year to grow into her strong multiple orgasmic sexuality, the little virgin threw her head onto my lap and started laughing. She was laughing all through dinner and then asked about my piano, so of course I took her to my room to play for her.

Then she kept going on about 50 shades of grey and comparing me to Dorian. “I can’t believe I’m in the arms of my boss right now! I’m so nervous! This is so wrong! You are my boss!”

The girl is petite and felt oh so good in my arms. My hand resting on her lower belly. Looking at her face made me nervous, but what a drug that eye candy is. She kept staring and staring at me, with a big nervous smile. We didn’t even kiss but it was electric.

So my dating skills are good, and my conversion rate for girls who I get on a date is high. And then keeping girls interested is a skill practised to an expert level. But day game is an entirely different story.

Walking up to some girl and stopping her, and then getting her interested in me? I’m nearly 50, short, noticeably well below average in facial attractiveness, and balding. And I go for girls in their teens and early twenties, and am only satisfied if I think they truly could be models.

A few days ago I was driving along and I spotted a pink haired hottie walking alone. I pulled right over, stalked her, crossed the street and overtook her, then doubled back to say hi as I walked towards her. She was on her phone but not one fuck was given. “Hi. You’re really cute. I had to say hi to you”. She kept talking on her phone and I kept not giving a fuck. I was there now. I took precedence, obviously. So she hung up her phone and chatted with me for a while and I did get the number. A student from another island, here for a week. A few days later she answers that she’s already flying back, but could be available next week.

And back in Java I got a girl I’d met out for a date – four months after I got her number. I must have invited her out 10 times before she agreed. The date went very well, and she all but offered to be my girlfriend, but I flew out to bali shortly after.

So it’s not impossible. It’s a matter of numbers, and state, and game. I am what I am, but even at my age, I can win sometimes.

I know what I want, and it’s a difficult thing to get. That perfect young hottie who arouses hot devotion. I have not yet built up my business pipelines to feed a constant stream of girls into my life. I’m working on that. In the mean time I’m just going to have to regularly hit the streets and do the hard work.

Because I’m not in mutual love with a hottie lately. I mean, I have sex with my girls all the time – sometimes pretty fucking good sex too. But I’m not in love with anyone. And I want that. I’ve had that. And I’m going to get that again, or die trying.

There is just nothing else like it.

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Overcoming resistance through strong passion, and how providers get hot morning blowjobs

Posted by xsplat on March 28, 2015

superslaviswife said:

I can’t imagine wanting someone who doesn’t want me. From when I became interested in sex, I liked stepping away from every man who approached me and when they stepped back too, it was some sort of confirmation they weren’t really all that interested. If they weren’t all that interested, then what would I get out of a relationship with them? So although I wasn’t happy when they stepped back, I was glad because it meant I made the right decision. If I took one step forward and two steps back, I wanted the man who took two steps forward.

Now, this won’t help the average man looking to get laid. Especially not if most “one step forward, two steps back” girls are like me. It would simply take too long. But if there’s a middle ground where they will withdraw, but not keep stepping back, it could be worth watching because a lesser amount of persistence may be needed to bed or LTR such women.

Ya, I also got huge resistance from the new girl that I’m dating. After our first date she showed interest, but as a virgin claimed to be too nervous to visit me again in my villa, and stood me up for at least 5 dates before I finally met her at a restaurant.

It took a great deal of persistance to eventually get her shirt off. Every inch of her that I touched was like a battle over unconquered territory. Because it was; I don’t think she had ever even had her breasts touched yet. She was constantly swatting my hands away, and I was constantly going back for more.

And then on the seventh date the struggle of even getting a finger inside her painfully tight vagina. Now THAT’S a barrier! Ya, a man really has to be able to overcome resistance to take a woman’s virginity! “OOOOWWWWW STOP THAT HURTS!!!” I got the tip in on the 8th, with much screaming, but it wasn’t until the 9th date, after giving her a tramadol and valium that she was able to take the whole dick and actually fuck. By all accounts she enjoyed herself.

Persistance played a huge role in her seeing me as serious enough to bother with.

And of course as I’m her first, she now thinks of me all the time, to the point of obsession. She sends me sexy texts regularly, which warm my heart as well as make me hard. The effort was quite worth it.

When I hear people say things like “go for a girl who doesn’t put up much resistance, because that’s the only girl who is REALLY into you”, it’s just cringe-worthy advice.

And it does not just relate to virgins.

Persistence is HUGE to last minute resistance as well. I can’t count the number of times my hands have been swatted away. One girl even literally cried out at the top of her lungs “STOP! STOP! STOP!” for the whole rooming house to hear as I pulled her jeans by the ankle dragging her across the floor to pull them off. She also stayed the night, and the next night, and so on for two and half years. She’s still in my life to this day. And although we are no longer sexual, she’s still devoted and doting in her actions.

Nobody is right all the time, but some of the advice that’s out there is really terrible. And some of it is really terrible and goes under the radar.

The alpha-fucks/beta bucks dichotomy has been so overblown to now qualify as terrible advice. It puts men off the realistic challenge of passionate LTRs as a man who controls the finances.

And for men in LTRs, controlling the finances is an edge. A very valuable, and I would say very important edge. The man gets a major advantage by being a provider.

Emotions are naturally evolved to give rewarding feelings when there is personal benefit. As monkeys we felt excitement at finding oranges in the trees, and then a rush of bliss tasting the sweet fruit. Sex is an addictive fruit that both sexes can use as rewards for good behavior. And money and security is also a reward, and also can be used judiciously as a means to train.

And it’s not just about being able to retain or dole out rewards. With women it’s not ONLY a matter of security providing comfort. It has been scientifically studied that women orgasm more for wealthy men. The status that comes with money also pushes the alpha attraction triggers.

Provider game, when done well, is about so much more than wasting three months salary on a ring and more on a wedding and getting the princess-with-the-pussy new trinkets regularly. You can be a stingy mother fucker. When I married I gave my bride a $3.00 silver ring, and she wore it for many years on after we divorced. Sometimes my current girls actually earn me a profit. It’s not about paying for attention, it’s about controlling resources. If she can’t get that needed resource elsewhere, then you have hand. And if you have ample hand, you also have status.

When a man brings strong passionate lust to the table, on every engagement, plus enriches a womans life in all other possible ways, including financially, she will quickly learn that he is her main reward center. And in the morning her lips will be sucking that reward center.

Proper LTR game is neither alpha fucks nor beta bucks. You use every possible means to get the girl to see you as her whole world. You train her up and mold her into the woman you need her to be.

It takes time.

But we are all animals, and operant conditioning works. You can’t make a silk purse out of a pigs ear, but you can make a suede purse out of it. Near any woman can be trained up to be useful. Passionately, devotedly, addictively useful.

Posted in Uncategorized | 23 Comments »

But X, not ALL men can do what you do! Can’t we all just let them MGTOW?

Posted by xsplat on March 27, 2015

Xsplat if you were competing in societies that emphasized and bred polygamous men, you would probably lose as an older man even with your touted romantic edge. The region you ran away to espouses monogamy relatively more than the West. If the East ever adopted the same ideals, you would have less places to go to and live this specific lifestyle.

Very relevant: http://human-stupidity.com/science/evolution-psychology-darwin/to-justify-our-moral-judgments-we-invent-victims-even-if-there-are-none

It is to most everyones personal benefit to limit the sexuality of the competition.

We justify limiting other peoples sexuality with “reasons” after the fact. Many humans are biologically hard wired to not only try to limit other peoples sexual access, but to never be able to either know or question why they do so.

When women slut shame, they do so to preserve their collective bargaining power for lifetime provisioning. When men try to limit the options of others, it is to increase personal sexual access. It is a hard coded strategy, and is implemented whether it is practically effective or not. We FEEL morally righteous, and even FEEL intellectually correct.

None of that is going to stop ME from having sex with beautiful teenagers.

People can talk about “society” all day and all night long. People can explain that “not ALL people can have a harem of two teenagers and two early twenty somethings”.

Ya. Not all people can.

That’s the game. Getting on top and winning.

Or the game is being sexually socialist, and preventing other guys from hoarding all the hot poon.

They are both just games.

I’m playing mine. And I’m explaining exactly how I do it, to the best of my ability.

Yes, not ALL guys can do it.

So what?

What I say is still true. What I say is still accurate. What I say is still applicable.

I’ve put in a lifetime of effort to be able to do what I do. The fact that not all men want to put in the effort has no bearing in any way on the efficacy of my techniques, nor on their value to improve the quality of life for a man.

Would people go to a master concert pianist tutorial blog and explain to him that “Hey, you know, not all people want to put in that much effort to be able to play the piano that well. A lot of people are content to play video games instead”.

Ya. So what? Let them go ahead and play video games. That doesn’t make the piano tutorial any less valid.

People do have different aptitudes. I have average musical ability at best. But with consistent application of playful effort over time, I can’t help but improve. After focusing on pure improv for two or three years, I’ve found that I can actually read music and play songs now! It’s rather incredible.

It’s not all only about effort, nor is it all only about technique, nor all about innate talent.

But it is about effort, it is about technique, and it is about talent.

No matter where a person is in relation to the piano, he can improve.

The same goes for women and relationships.

This blog can help people with what I know about.

I believe that no man is an innately helpless beta.

No matter where a man is in relation to women, he can learn and improve, through application of consistent effort.

And using memes about red pill truths to bolster a feeling of learned helplessness is a type of sin. It is self victimization. The opposite of self empowerment.

MGTOW guys self empower themselves to be perpetual victims of low sexual market value.

If there were someone I cared about, a son for instance, who struggled with girls and therefore decided to MGTOW, I would not just pat him on his back and say “That’s OK Son. I Understand.” Instead I would write this blog for him, so that he could read it and apply what I’ve learned to help his own life.

If there were a bunch of anonymous people I’ve never met, who struggled with girls and therefore decided to MGTOW, I would not just enable their self defeatist attitude with platitudes and wish them well on their journeys of conquering video games. Instead I would expose the harmful indifference, sloth, twisted partial truths and self-justifying lies of individuals and groups.

Update: The reason I linked to the article about people inventing victims where there are none is because that article discusses WHY we find the need to create REASONS for telling other people to not have sex, even when those reasons have nothing at all to do with our actual motivation to meddle in their sexual affairs.

(At least some) men and women are innately genetically programmed to cock block each other. And the process in which we do it is innately unconscious. We do not and often CAN not know what our motivations for cock-blocking are.

We believe our own rationals.

I believe that when MGTOW men proseletize, they are often motivated by cock-blocking other men, therefore reducing the sexual competition. “Since I’m not getting enough quality pussy, YOU should boycott quality pussy too!”

And while in theory MGTOW is all about men actually going their own way and making their own informed decisions, in practice, the MGTOW I have heard from are all about shaming other mens choices and sexuality on the one hand, and then using that same hand to whine about other men shaming them for not being sexually active. I’ve written several blog posts about them as a whole, and have linked to one active website where some of the most ill informed and whiny feminine-brained anti-male testosterone-free comments I have ever seen were made. I was shocked by the low level of commentary. As a principle MGTOW could have something to say, but in action by the “men” that I have seen advocating that principle, so far, it has been a whinge fest and a let’s all get together and shame everyone with a set of balls for owning them club.

And then within the larger manosphere, you have people of all persuasions looking for excuses. Any excuses. Looking for comraderie. Any comraderie. Looking for people to gather together into a he-man-woman-haters-pity-party-club-of-relationship-fail.

It might take the form of MGTOWs blaming modern western women for their personal and collective relationship ills. It might take the form of Return of Kings where people rag on feminism day in and day out. Or it might take the form of group think on the Rooshvforum, where pump and dump is put forth as the only politically correct version of relationships with females.

And when that happens the Red Pill is not used in the service enabling individual men to live like kings, but instead is used to create a rat king.

Rat King

Everywhere guys take a grain of truth about the human condition, and use it as an excuse to either treat women like shit or to ignore them altogether.

And when a guy comes along and says, “Actually, if you aren’t having successful romantic relationships with women, it’s your own fault”, guess how welcome that message is!

I usually hear back various forms of, “No, it is not possible to have successful romantic relationships with women.” After that it’s explained to me that I also have never had a single successful romantic relationship with any woman. And that even the religious college educated virgins I’ve deflowered and lived with were in fact prostitutes.

From now on when someone claims superior social meta-knowledge to wink and call your loved one a whore, we can just call that “Red-pill emasculation”. It’s pure ego protection. “You can’t POSSIBLY be doing something that I find difficult-to-impossible! There HAS to be a catch, otherwise what would that say about me? You are so stupid to not realize that you are not actually living the life that you are actually living! If only you knew how impossible it was for ME to live that life, then you’d realize that YOU are not actually living it at all!”

So instead of red pill ideas being a spur to personal discovery, self improvement and greater social success, they get co-opted into shields to defend oneself against exactly that.

Posted in MGTOW, Morality | 11 Comments »

Does the manosphere teach learned helplessness?

Posted by xsplat on March 27, 2015

Truth can be twisted. When you spin a fact you get something worse than a lie; you get a partial truth used in the service of a wrong view.

And so it goes for the alpha fucks beta bucks meme. You take the truth that women who are not dating a successful high testosterone man seek out higher T men when they are ovulating, and then turn it into the notion that women have a black and white either or mating strategy and in the vast majority of situations compartmentalize their dualistic sexual strategies, to such a degree that any man who provides is automatically not a man who the woman desires.

Alpha men are said to get the real lust, while the overwhelmingly vast majority of any man who provides does not arouse lust. People have taken this idea further and further, creating a cartoonish charicature out of the complexities of sexual strategies. EITHER you are an R selected lover who goes in for brief flings who she takes anal from, OR you are a K selected provider for whom she gives the cuddles and doles out occasional tepid sex.

Anyone who has read much of my blog already knows my opinions on the matter. Money and power and status in a man can increase sexual lust in a woman. Some of the provider qualities can push alpha attraction triggers in the woman. And a women’s best sex is reserved for men who also arouse her emotionally in romantic ways. That’s just a tautology – great sex is even greater with love. Anyone with experience of both will enthusiastically agree.

But people think in black and white. Just because there is truth in the fact that women can lose attraction to their beta providers and then go on to treat them like shit, it does not follow that the fact of providing automatically means that the man could not also push all other attraction triggers.

What we get all over the manosphere is disaffected men who have not learned how to maintain attraction assuming that it’s the fault of women – that it’s their hypergamy and dual sexual strategies that are to blame. They talk about themselves and each other as if providers are all just betas, and really the women wanted alphas, and all relationships that include provision are built on “negotiated desire”. I see this especially in the comments section of Rollos blog, and to a degree in Rollos own writing, especially in the comments.

Rollo also has said that if the woman is not initially attracted to you, then you should not waste your time persuing her, instead you should take the time to find a new girl, who is actually into you.

My experience is that persistence in the face of rejection can actually CREATE desire.

From https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight-therapy/201308/what-do-women-really-want

Female desire, according to Meana, is activated when a woman feels overwhelmingly desired, not rationally considered. Female erotic literature, including all those shades of gray, is built on this fantasy. Sexual desire in this view does not work according to our expectations and social values. Desire seeks the path of desire, not the path of righteousness. It thrives not on social order but on its negation. This is one reason all religions and societies try to control, contain, limit and re-direct it.

My experience is also that lust can be created, over the long term. It is not just that taller men with symmetrical facial features and big muscles are the Alphas that most women really want, and that the rest are just betas who have to negotiate desire and are all fooling themselves and who protest too much whenever they point out the inane and wrong headed and self defeating and emasculating views of alpha-fux-beta-bux proponents.

Genuine lust can be cultivated in a woman.

From my last post:

S17 is a good example of how passion – true physical lusty passion – can be cultivated in a woman. How value is not always shown all at once, through height and looks. A girl can over time not only open up in love, but open up in lust, as she sees you as more and more valuable. Value can come in many forms, and what to a girl is a “high value man” that deserves every outward show of affection and care and attentive lust is a complicated calculation that continues to calculate over time, and over time that calculation feeds raw data to raw emotions.

In order to get the most out a woman, the man has to push all possible attraction triggers, and show value in all possible ways. Having financial hand is extremely valuable.

It is not either/or.

It is either/or/and.

And is a word that many people are simply constitutionally unable to grasp.

You can do BOTH at the same time, and you don’t have to be a flying purple unicorn to do it. You can love a woman, and put her in an apartment and pay her bills, and be dominant, and fuck the hell out of her, and get her best sex, and have her insanely in love with you to the point of constant obsession, and you can do that with more than one girl at a time.

The manosphere is allowing splinter groups to spin truth in order to provide comfort to guys who never learned how to maintain passion in long term relationships.

The new soma? “It’s not my fault for not being able create and maintain maximum passion. It’s her fault for being hypergamous.”

Posted in Uncategorized | 35 Comments »

My unreasonably high beauty standards

Posted by xsplat on March 25, 2015

I was 30 and she was 41. Over the course of a few months we’d fallen deeply in mutual love. Over the next two years I would be continuously tortured by my own disappointment with her age.

She was a one in a million match for me, personality wise. A yoga teacher, meditator, and chi-kung practitioner, with a loving touchy feely body and a keen bright and funny wit. The sex was great. We had bonded intensely. Still, when we went out skiing, I could not help but be fascinated by the young girls, and disappointed at her age. Being confronted with the contrast was painful.

And for her part she could never get over how poor I was. She was used to the man being the provider of financial security, and her disappointment in me was also endless and a source of great turmoil.

We both wished it were not so. I wanted to accept her age. She wanted to accept my financial situation.

One day she recounted to me advice she had heard from her Guru for how to look inward to find solutions. “If you ever have a really difficult problem, clearly formulate a concise question about it just before you fall asleep. If you get the same answer in three different dreams, then you can accept that answer as wisdom coming from your core.”

Every night I would ask myself what to do about these feelings that she was too old for me. Every night I would have the same dreams. I dreamt of dating teenagers and girls in their early twenties. A few at a time. Often the girls would find out about each other.

Fast forward a few years and I was doing just that. And because of that I had become quite happy.

Through that experience I discovered that I simply can not choose my emotions and my preferences. For better or worse, they are what they are.

Lately I’ve been dating an attractive just-turned-twenty-three full Chinese woman who I click with very well. She’s bright and cheerful and fun, and is personable and attentive and generous and doting. Very good relationship with all of her family. She’s diligent and earned two university scholarships, and scored 130 on some IQ test. I expect to fall in love with her and bond. I’m already quite fond of her, and love did well up in me as I fucked her for the first time in her life just a few days ago.

But physically she is not quite the body type that I usually seek. I like her body. It’s firm and curvy and smells right. She’s just a bit more athletic and less micro-mini petite. The waist hip ratio is not as extreme.

I spent an entire day yesterday walking around examining women’s hips. N19 has great hips and a nice tight ass. But a horrible personality. I often really don’t like her, and can become uncomfortable and irritated and even unhappy around her if we are not fucking. But her hips really work for me.

We’ve all daydreamed about building the perfect women out of parts of our various girlfriends, to create a Franken-girl.

And many manosphere readers are familiar with the idea that girls are prone to seeking out alpha-males way out of their league, and often confuse being desired sexually for a fling with a very high value man with the potential for tying one down for commitment.

I’ve had some amazing girls in my life. As recently as a few months ago I had a brief fling with a true stunner who was great in bed and had a great personality. I can’t get over the fact that she was, even if briefly, attainable to me. Why should I not keep trying for that? Or am I forever seeking out what is unrealistic based on my experiences within fleeting flings?

I’ve had long term super charged lust based relationships with young hotties, but I’ve had to compromise on brains and personality. I really enjoy the level of passion that only comes from adoring very specific body types. I can appreciate the body shape and feel and smell so much that it becomes a type of devotion. Sexual and lusty and loving devotion. An art form of hedonism and reverence.

And so I have trepidations about what I fully expect to happen next. I will fall for my new V. She already has been obsessively thinking about me for many weeks now. And I liked her a great deal since our first meeting.

But I know I will keep looking for someone just like her but with hips more to my liking. I’m not sure if that can go well.

Still though, when we were fucking a few days ago, I was overwhelmed with a novel emotion; that she was a woman suitable for my seed. She would make a great baby, and a great mother. That notion mixed with the erotic feelings in my belly, and heightened it so much that the feelings welled up all the way to my heart, and I could not help but burst out “Daddy loves you! Daddy love you!” as we both rode on a crescendo of passion.

****

Meanwhile I’ve been seeing S17 every night. Her personality needs a lot of work, but she has been improving. A few nights ago she tried to throw a cold-shoulder mood at me because she assumed that my chatting with potential interns was me chatting with girls. I ignored her ignoring for a few hours and fell asleep, but when I awoke in the middle of the night and she was still on the other side of the bed, I kicked her out. Drove her home in the middle of the night. She has no business visiting me if she’s going to just use our time together to give me some emotionally abusive mood. I’ve done such maneuvers many times with her, for any bad behavior. As of today we were kissing passionately each of the 8 times we have had sex so far. She has been kissing me warmly many times today, and is all over me as we rest. We are both warming up nicely to each other, and it’s a dramatic change over her much cooler heart of several months ago.

S17 is a good example of how passion – true physical lusty passion – can be cultivated in a woman. How value is not always shown all at once, through height and looks. A girl can over time not only open up in love, but open up in lust, as she sees you as more and more valuable. Value can come in many forms, and what to a girl is a “high value man” that deserves every outward show of affection and care and attentive lust is a complicated calculation that continues to calculate over time, and over time that calculation feeds raw data to raw emotions.

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments »

Change, uncertainty, ritual, meaning, business, friendship and lovers.

Posted by xsplat on March 5, 2015

Dan left yesterday.

It’s only the second time in my life I’ve felt heartbreak regarding a male companion.

A few months ago there were 7 of us here. Aaron arrived in August, Dan in December, J and T in January, and a few of Aarons buddies were scoping out our scene for two weeks in January. We had some amazing adventures together, and every day held a new flavor of celebration. Life at it’s best, and we were all keenly aware of it, and said so to each other nearly every day.

Aaron was pulling hot girls as often as he wanted – which was often. One of his two UK buddies was at least as skilled, and would bring girls over here from the local club and fuck them in our outdoor living room regularly. We had a group guided trek up a local volcano in the middle of the night, all of us tripping on mushrooms which was literally a peak experience. The guys would regularly go clubbing together while I stayed home with one of my regulars, and Dan, J and T all did well with the local girls.

Our conversations were so engaging that we often regretted not having recorded them to publish as podcasts.

Then J suddenly announced he would be leaving. He’d decided to go get a steady job to pay down some heavy debts. He was airborn the next day. Only a few days later I decided that I did not work well with T, and told him so. T is a smart guy and was well liked, but there was conflict on a task, and I didn’t want to risk a future pattern of disagreement. In this co-operative venture there is a chain of command, and I took the most drastic means to maintain it. He was scheduled for a trip to Singapore in a few days to renew his visa, and I accepted his offer to not return.

We were down to three, but it was a good core group. Me, Aaron, and Dan. We get along great, and it’s always a pleasure to see any of them arrive at the villa, and to arrive back to the villa when any is there. Greetings are genuinely warm; celebratory even.

Business progress had been slow, largely in part to the loose working schedule. We’d put more importance on bonding as a group and on lifestyle then on regular deliberate and scheduled business efforts. We worked when we wanted to, usually on our own, and didn’t put in anything close to regular office hours. As a group starting several new businesses we acted as if we were inspired by Tim Ferriss’s Four Hour Work Week. And in Bali we were living the dream. On my dime. After taking on the expense of building a new compound, hiring new local staff as well as housing and feeding and paying monthly expenses for all the new interns, not seeing much business progress let alone a rise in income was stressful. Sure, I like the guys company, and yes, I have long term confidence in the projects, but are we going about this the right way? Am I paying for not much more than companionship?

And then yesterday Dan started an uneasy topic while we were playing ping pong. He mentioned that he’d been feeling home sick.

I nearly asked him right away if he was leaving, but played it off as a passing emotion, and helped him talk in and around his emotions, hoping to talk him completely out of them. But no. His mind was made up. In fact he’d made plans with his brothers to hike the Rocky Mountain range. They may be in the wilderness for as long as 7 months.

Dan explained that he was not prone to feeling homesick. Unlike myself, as a kid in camp he never felt that emotion. I was surprised to hear he missed home at all, as he had seemed so enthused about being here that every day he seemed outright jubilant. It seemed to me as if he’d found his place in a brave new exciting world. He has a rare quick wit combined with a sensitive spirit and an outrageously gregarious extroverted personality. A guy who made playing ping pong seem like a world championship between titans, even when cheering from the sidelines as a spectator. And the night before leaving he’d bedded a local hottie. But he complained of her being intellectually boring, and I suspect a big reason for him feeling homesick might have to do with parallel feelings. He must be wanting that deep connection that we get from family. That’s a connection that I like to make with my girls – I make family out of them. He’s not a skirt chaser and wants more than one night stands. Perhaps he couldn’t see the girls he’d met here as worthy of familial bonds.

Dan found a flight the same day he broke the news, and left that evening.

I’ve had lots of guys tell me that they want to come out here, but in the end they get cold feet. One guy flat out told me that coming out was as intimidating as the first day of kindergarten, and so he couldn’t do it. Dan was a rare guy in that he was willing to make the big leap and come out here at all, but even then the change was too stressful to maintain, and he wanted to go back to his roots.

Yesterday I had the plan to author a post about a job offer out here. Instead of seeking an internship that can lead to a partnership, the plan would be to offer a paid position for a specific task. But when I write I always wait for certainty. I wait until I know all the ideas are ready to come out, and they come out at once in a flood, as fast as my nimble fingers can type. But my process is also honest. Autobiographical even. I can’t write about anything that I don’t feel, so I’m not about to write a pumped up inspirational post about all the incredible benefits of joining in the team and following the dream if I’m not personally feeling pumped up and inspired.

I love life out here, and don’t want to be anywhere else. I love the projects I’m working on, and don’t want to be working on any others. I believe in what I’m doing, and I know that with the right team we can all exceed even our very large expectations. We are at the beginnings of greatness, and having a hell of a time even being at that beginning.

But the story is not only about hope and inspiration.

It’s also about doubt.

And so that is what this blog post has to be about.

This isn’t a blog post about inspiring people to follow my vision, and to join my team, and together to realize financial greatness, male comraderie and explore sexual and romantic adventures with tourists and local Indonesians. This is a blog post about about what stops people from being able to do that.

Most people are not built for adventure and change. There is evidence that some of us have “the wanderers gene”, which affects dopamine receptors and makes us prone to seek out novelty. But even so we all find comfort in familiarity. We create order and structure out of our chaotic lives, and find such comfort in the stability that it’s the human condition to prefer the comfort of the known, even when the known is not comfortable.

But we can’t avoid change anyway.

I want stability also, but no matter how much I seek it, stability is naturally temporary. I have to assume this is the human condition.

I’m very relationship oriented, and always have been. Nearly every post on this blog is about relationships with girls. Naturally I’ll use relationships as metaphors for broader life issues. So when I think of stability and feeling at home, I think of the family that I create, wherever I am, with my girls.

When I click with a girl, whenever we are together, no matter where we are, we are home. We are each others family, and we belong together. There is no one else we want to be with, and therefore no where else we want to be. Our primary conditions for happiness are met. Sometimes I feel that way near all the time with a girl, sometimes the bulk of the time. Regardless, that feeling of being home with my family doesn’t last forever. People change, relationships change. I want something new and find it, or the girl cheats, or more usually I step out first then the girl gives herself permission to do the same.

A month ago I had M and N19 and the newer Sally18 were out here in Bali, but my passion for M has cooled and she’s back in Java now. Also I have less mood for N, again, and see her little lately. There is a new virgin girl I’m dating, and there is much about her that I like, but it’s questionable whether I’ll find a strong physical passion for her. I recall once being in love with a teenager in Thailand whom I didn’t prefer to fuck. She was a virgin when I met her, and grew a big crush on me. It was odd because she was the girl my heart welled up with love for, however it was a second girl who got my dick hard. Something similar seems to be happening now; eighteen year old Sally is the airhead fluff that I love to scream with, while 22 year old smart and personable V gets the motor sputtering but not really going full out. I’m curious enough to see if that will change. We have plans to give her some tramadol to make breaking her in less painful – tomorrow might be the day. Hope she’s finished her period by then, as she’s leaving to visit her mom for a few weeks the next day.

But today she only again ignited strong romantic feelings and energetic body felt connections, while the dick was often placid. So the feeling of being right on track doing exactly what I want to be doing with a clear vision of how to get where I want to go has shifted towards uncertainty.

S18 is from a town called Bogor. She says that the girls there still marry at about age 17. As virgins. I’m interested in going girl hunting there. I like the idea of virgins, lately. I figure that I’m picky about physical characteristics, but once I find a girl who turns me on, she can turn me on for years, so if I can find a smarter virgin girl who is my type of hottie, my interests and passion would be better placed, and perhaps I’d also start in on a new adventure that includes babies.

I’ve been unsatisfied with many of my local staff lately, including my personal assistant. So it’s been on my mind to fire and try to replace them. Finding good help out here is extremely difficult.

So even my sense of home is now disturbed. I keep my rituals – I go the gym, and I maintain a careful diet. I still have girls who love me; N, and M and S and V all seem to, troublesome as they all can be. But everywhere there is flux.

My health itself is often tenuous. I could go out any month, or I suppose any day.

I’m navigating in a sea of uncertainty.

Whereas before I felt I was holding a GPS in calm waters on a sturdy ocean liner, now I feel I’m on 50 foot sloop with a chart and a sextant on a moon-lit overcast night. I know roughly where I am, and I still know where I want to go. But it will require patience, skill, and craft to navigate.

I’ve had different ideas of what greatness means, throughout my life. In my late teens and early twenties greatness was about being enlightened. Several times in my life greatness was largely about love. Lately greatness is about dramatic financial success, male comraderie, an ongoing chi-kung practice, good health, and young and pregnant hotties who love me.

I suppose we all have somewhat different and changing views of our own idealized personal greatness.

But I also suppose that common to all of us, is that in realizing our goals, we must navigate through uncertainty.

That means not only stepping out of our comfort zones into the unknown, it means not only exploring places that we’ve never been, it means not only developing parts of ourselves we are as yet to be aware are undeveloped. It means not only cultivating bravery. It means not only burning our bridges so that we are forced by necessity to mother the invention of our own future. Not only carefully assessing risk vs reward, and expecting to often wind up accepting the losses that come with risks.

It means making a conscious choice of habit to do all of these willfully and frequently, as a lifestyle. Not as an accident. Not just when the chips are down. As a lifestyle.

The known is soma. Comfort and greatness do not mix. I’d go so far as to say that comfort and a great life can not mix.

A great life is a life peppered with uncertainty, heartbreak, pain, and doubt.

That is deliberately factored right in. It’s not wrong turns or accidents that lead to these things. A strategic life must include them.

Posted in Uncategorized | 15 Comments »

 
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