You also are a moral relativist.

Great comment Jake. I can see that it just rolled off of your fingers, even though each sentence is deeply soaked in meaning – like Tolkiens writings. It’s not quick plot twists that you can speed read and skim; you could chew on each sentence for as long as you care.

That comes from a contemplated life.

Jakes said:

The inevitability of moral decisions, for all decisions have a moral component. Perhaps that is what moral relativists are running from?

As an example, my relationship with V.

The eternal connundrum. A pretty young sincere virginal woman who wants nothing else but to marry you, and will use every possible means of seduction to get that aim, including at first forgiving other lovers – or even perhaps allowing them.

But in the end it comes down to a conflict of interest. How can we not be empathological and give in to monogamy? Or are we being psychopathic by refusing?

It’s a conflict of interest; there is no moral solution to a conflict of interest.

It’s naive, and I’d say a naivete born from inexperience, that could posit that free will absolves the moral dimension. “just tell her the truth and let her decide”

Doesn’t work. Try it. She will STILL want monogamous marriage, and STILL feel huge pain that will STILL deeply damage her mind and her future.

Exactly as you say; there is no ultimate frame of reference. That’s the inevitable phiolosopy of science. Science itself is embedded in our biology. Our personal frame of reference is inescapable, and there is no ultimate morality – no amount of empathy gets us to an omnicient point of view that is best for everyone.

There is no best for everyone.

And yet to attract women, we need empathy.

And so to love others, while at the same time being honest to our own true nature, we must cause horrible and possibly life damaging hurt.

Moral relativists might want to run from something, but we’re all dragged eventually into the inevitability of moral relativism. It’s the exact place that humans by our nature can not abide. The very place of uncertainty; agnostacism at it’s easiest and lazy-sloppiest, multi-perspectivism once in sharper big picture focus.. Either way, morals lose a single perspective the longer you look at them. This does nothing to dull the pain of causing suffering, or of compromising to suffer oneself.

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How to give and receive love with a pretty young woman, habitually.

I’ve been very critical against some manosphere memes and those who spread them.  The reason is because I believe that these memes can directly cause tremendous personal and social harm, by stunting personalities and lives.

It’s my belief that deep down humans are wired to seek out pair bonding and love.

It’s my belief that much relationship advice directly prevents succeeding at these immutable and innate hard wired deep human drives.

The pre 2012 writings of Heartiste directly and openly admitted to the tremendous and inescapable value of love – and how love is the greatest possible pleasure.  Later he de-emphasised this, then seemed to completely forget it, then seemed to completely negate it.  Eventually he kept harping over and over on a clear falsehood – that confidence is the root of all real attraction.  To him all atractive traits can be reduced to and replaced by confidence.  Pure bullshit that will directly prevent you from finding and maintaining loving relationships.

Rollo says that it’s impossible to be in a loving long term relationship.  You can either pump and dump, or be a doormat who is not respected.

Roosh is just schizoid, and all but insane.  He’s deeply anti intimacy, and yet somehow thinks that intimacy could be possible, if only he could find a woman good enough.  Nothing is about him – it’s all about culture and women’s beliefs and habits.  He bans and prevents comments outside of his incredibly narrow and harsh belief system.

I’ve talked in greater detail many times about my disagreements with the philosophies and teachings of these dangerous and harmful men.  Please don’t underestimate their power over your mind, and their ability to personally harm you and your life.

I need to keep getting back to that, over and over, because some habits of mind directly will block your ability to give and receive love.

In order to give and receive love, you need to:

1) Believe that this is possible, attainable, and good, for you personally

2) Believe that you can realistically meet and date and spend a great deal of time with a woman worth of loving

It will be quick and obvious to see that many popular relationship experts can’t accept the most basic fundamental premises required for love, which is REQUIRED for human happiness.

So they are really trying to fuck up your life.

You might notice the next time that you are into a girl, that you are wary of leaning in too far into emotionality, because you’ve been heart broken in the past, and you don’t want to fall into a vulnerable position again.

It’s a wise instinct.  I have to admit it; love and heartbreak are two sides of the same coin.  Usually one leads to the other.

But it’s still worth it.

Which leads us to a 3rd and 4th requirement to be able to give and receive love;

3) Being able to maintain strong interpersonal boundaries (so as not to lose one’s self)

4) Being able to constantly repair ones boundaries and well being, through lifestyle and meditative and body centered meditative disciplines.  You can afford cuts scrapes and bruises if you can heal.  The greater regenerative capacity you grow, the greater your ability to risk injury.  Love requires a strong heart – and a strong heart is both vulnerable-and-sensitive-and-open, and well defined with clear boundaries of acceptable situations to be in and behavious to accept.  And a strong heart heals strongly – it’s our biological and emotional fact of life; life is about constant regeneration.  So is love.

Character and wisdom demonstrably come directly through sorrow, and this has been statistically studied. This blog is too low traffic for it to be worth my time to dig up links, but I’ve posted on it before. I know, there are over 900 blog posts here, so if you want to follow up on that thought, it’s still a matter of your own interest and Google-fu. But we all share that same intuition; who doesn’t prefer the company of wizened battle hardened happy folks?

Rough ideas that I may edit:

  • Love is somewhat dependent on physical lust – in both directions.  You need to both be proud of how she looks, and be into her type physically, and get off just from seeing her, smelling her, contemplating her, and also you need to have a self respect and eroticism.  You need to be proud of how you look, and get off on your own sexual response, and know that she is proud of your physicality and eroticism and how she can get you sexually high.
  • A very quick way to mutually share love is through role play.  We have intrinsic evolved responses that go back millions of years into the history of how our emotional systems work.  These responses are archetypal.  The most basic, fundamental, old, powerful, archetypal emotions relating to love all spring from our most basic, oldest, emotional responses of all – those of parents to children, and of children to parents.
    • You can very quickly fall into workable habits of mutual love, simply by role playing Daddy Daughter.  Girls fall into it near immediately – usually with just the barest of hints that you are into that.  Very occasionally some girls will be reticent about that game, but it’s too deep to really avoid – the intellect evolved much later, and the emotions are stronger and more base – it really doesn’t matter if the intellect disapproves at all.  The intellect might disapprove of a certain man or woman, but you’ll still get wet or hard.  Daddy Daughter goes too deep to be affected by approval or disapproval.
    • Daddy Daughter is also a good archetype to use in general, outside of the bed.  You’ll allow yourself more patience, and personal authority.  She’ll allow herself more abandon and respect.
  • A major issue that I don’t think has been addressed at all, on any relationship forum, is the incredible importance of relationship practice.  People are not innately good at being in relationships.  They fail often not just because women suck.  Sure, compatibility is important, but relationship is a skill – a difficult skill.  At least as difficult as piano.  It takes practice practice practice and you learn more and more and more.  You can’t learn it from a book, you can’t learn it all at once, and you can’t know what it is yet that you need to learn.  No one can tell you.  You only learn piano in steps – only by practice.  Relationship skill is a skill.
  • Daygame skills barely overlap with relationship skills.  You can be the top pickup artist in the world, and still be completely inept at giving and receiving love with an attractive young woman, and maintaining passion day after day for the longer term.  If you are interested in relationships, you need to very clearly see and know this. Getting a girl into bed is barely related to keeping her in passionate obsessive devoted love with you.

Feeling love is similar to feeling joy.  I assume most of us tend to avoid feeling happy, at some deep fundamental level.  We carry around with us like a childs comfort blanket this constant burden of feeling alienated and wanting.

Even in the middle of the most rapturous sex, this bad habit of mind can intrude, making it impossible to really feel loved, and to truly give over to that joyous celebration of mutual lusty devotion.

The easiest way around these neurotic mind habits are through the meditative disciplines.  Perhaps augmented by very rare psychedellic drug use.  Body centered meditations, and especially chi-kung get you into being being, and out of thinking about and watching being.  With body centered being, you can be love – just embody and feel and control and use your emotions, just like you sometimes do when you are totally into some song and riffing along with it in voice.  You join in with that song, and are at your full creative potential in your flow moment, embodying your emotions and body all together without need for separation.

You need to respect your own psychological need to do this, and respect that this is natural and default for women; they love to be in love.  They want and need it, just like naive teenagers.  You don’t need an excessive self regard to feel loveable.  People just like to love; it’s perfectly natural, and you can be a good enough receptacle for that attention.  Especially with care and practice.

* Being with someone is about re-enforcing habits. Habits of your own behaviour and moods and attitudes, and habits of your companion.

I suppose a definition of being charismatic is exactly that; the ability to re-enforce in others a habitual sense of joy for being around you.

I hear people often complain that they could not imagine being happy spending a lot of time with a woman, especially living with one full time, and working from home.

I think it’s not only a matter of personality style. I think it’s also a matter of relationship habits. And of course sexual habits.

I’ve written quite a bit about sex, and it’s my belief that lust is a huge help to maintain interest, and therefore the habits that increase lust, such as not having frequent orgasms if these tire you or lead you to disinterest, and doing chi-kung and lifestyle improvements that increase libido. Who hasn’t heard the joke of losing all feelings of love and interst after having a male orgasm? Male orgasm, because some women can actually get chatty and needy after coming. The reverse is also true; keeping your libido increases your interest in the woman. You’ll learn to prefer having that interest, and so will she. It’s better for the both of you if you are interested in each other.

Along with regular passionate sex, there are many other big and small ways that spending a great deal of time with a companion can become easy and fun.

You need to be able to enforce your quiet time boundaries; usually people simply don’t talk to each other. This is difficult for women, at first. But they get used to it, and it’s completely going to be your job to make that so. You will get annoyed if there is unwanted chatter all the time. Eventually the both of you will learn to appreciate silent company, as if you can feel each other in the space, and like that feeling. A feeling you both feed – a feeling of contentment and humor and appreciation. Maybe you had that with your Grandma as a young child. Being together is not equal to being burdened; we can learn the joys of shared silence. And be fed by the shared silence, and feed into it.
——————
Just as it takes you time to learn, it will take your woman. You are both flawed characters, but at your best you’ll be trying to make each other happy – lately I’ve had girlfriends who do this as habit. Before I’ve had girlfriends who would often do the reverse, and deliberately cause angst. It’s quite common for women to be troublesome deliberately, and difficult to avoid, but it is avoidable. It’s not their fault entirely. Eighty percent is up to your own actions, 20 percent is up to your mate choices; and of course mate choices means being able to attract as well as being able to choose.

Some women are great to go sexually quickly, but others can take one or even two or even more years to slowly grow into their ability.

It’s also quite a bit your own responsibility that this happens. Again, Daddy Daughter is a decent mental framework. Younger guys obviously can’t be in a position to mentor, and so I recommend young guys spend time with older women, who are very appreciative mentors. Some older women do very well in the role of mentor, and have more to teach than you can know; elders always do. Later you can switch up the roles, with younger and younger and younger mates.

Strangely enough, you’ll learn a lot about being an authentic masculine authority in young women’s lives by as a young man dating much older women who mentor you. The dynamic is different in ways, and similar in others. The regalness and mutual respect from different positions remains.

———-
If I drink, I’ll eventually ask you to tell me a story. When I’m out on the town with my 21 year old little girl, sometimes it gets to the point that I ask her to tell me a story. Inevitably she recounts our first date.

It was really that good. I’ve documented it here. It’s etched in her mind, and fresh. Our love is at least as strong as fresh young infatuation. Love can last longer than the average 6 months to max 2 years. In a minority of people the measured blood hormones associated with passionate love remain indefinately.

She still tells me that she loves me many times a day, just like she did from day one. She came this morning many times, and I was quite full of bonded attachment and love for that small child like woman.

It’s a skill.

If you want it.

I had to believe, on that first date, that all that actually did happen between us could happen between us. To me it was simply inevitable and obvious.

I wrote this as a poem once: “Cynycism is the dust on angels eyelashes”. Or something like that. Cynicism is just dust on our eyelashes – it’s not our vision, not our heart or understanding or soul. It’s just dust.

———
Relationship isn’t a skill in the same way that learning the facts of history is a skill.

You can’t memorize being competent at interpersonal skills.

Can you find a book that will teach musical improvisational skills?

You think there is some guy who can teach you to day game?

No. Well, not quite.

I’ll prove it quickly.

When the Beatles first came on the scene, most all bands that they knew only played cover tunes. Playing cover tunes is a level of competence, sure, but no one gives the same respect to others or ourself for mimicry.

Later they thought they should create their own tunes.

There is a lot of music created by different people, and it’s all quite distinct, even as we usually can recognize what comes from each distinct artist.

When you create music, you’re on your own.

Being good at relationships is like being good at music. It’s going to be your own creation, and it’s going to be extremely different at different times in your life, and with different women.

There is no book about this.

You can’t learn improv, exactly, yet you can learn improv, and it does help to hang around and improv with others. Seeing others do it makes you see that it’s an option, and you might try it, on the spot.

It’s really up to you to forge and discover your way.

—————————-

What it sounds like for emotions and intellect to agree, deeply

JakeS said:

I’ve been down the post-modernist rabbit hole. Far down. Marcuse, The Frankfurt School, Post-Formal Operations, the whole fucking nine yards. It’s a pipeline full of shit that spews out into nihilism or Advaita.
At the beginning of the day, you have to get up for a reason, and that reason is inevitably strongly informed by some pretty basic biological impulses. Try practising some post-modernist shit retention, see how long you last. The body has it’s own truth. Post-modernists (along with the rest of humanity) are largely slaves of their bodies, wishing they could abstract and satisfy their appetites in the theoretical realm. Foucault was a child with dialectical diarrhoea asking “Why why why????” Chomsky is doing the far more difficult, constructive work – the ‘how’.

Exactly that.

And still though, for me, death is the final non-answer that crazy drugs lean us to stare into. Death is post modernist.

Death is not organized at all.

It was the early 1900s when Goedell used math to stare into the abyss. Any system that can use symbollic references (any language) can’t be both true and self consistent. The nature of knowledge itself is a mind fuck, and you can’t get aroud that in any way, ever.

Life is not post modernist. Exactly as you say.

Death is truth, but as you say, so what?

For me I cant come to rest at pragmatism. I need to go all the way to the edge where we have no fucking clue. Just stare there.

And then come back and be pragmatic.

Otherwise it seems disengenuous. Like faking it.

I like to keep a small toe in the water of being dead. Possibly why ketamine has been interesting to me, and shrooms and LSD. They can get you so weirded out that start to not know where you stand. That’s the main value, as I see it. Just staring down the unknown, for a bit. It’s not really worth anything, but it’s a toe in a water.

I suspect that Jake you get my point, but a wider audience that has not gone down the Buddhist or Post-Modernist deconstructive rabit hole,LSD and intellect basically lead you to the same groundlessness, afer a while. Just go as far as you can, in any direction, and you are at the ends of the earth. The linked youtube video commenter said it well. Deconstructionism has to deconstruct that basis of it’s own argument. And so even if finally you can’t avoid deconstructionism, sooner or later you just have to give up and contruct.

*************

Update. While I admire Chomskie’s well wishes, I can’t help but to always wink at his sincerity. It’s as if he believes that his good wishes are inherently good.

And we can make very good arguments that they are – I can make those arguments, and I have. My entire blog is based, very obviously, on constructionsist philosopy. Is that a word? Constructionsist?

I just need to wink. I can’t hear the good will of Chomsky without needing some deconstruction and death at the same time. He’s so soaked in justice – as if that’s an actual thing (it arguably is, and it’s arguably not – which is the point – if you are not at once of both minds or at least agnostic about this, then you don’t get it yet). It’s kind of campy, even as much as I appreciate the truth and sincerity of the camp, and will sing along with and re-play and invent my own campy songs.

Noam Chomsky vs William Buckley

Google the debate if you care;  Buckley was a popular figure head for an umbrella philosophy that was undefendable, back in his day. Bad as his job, but much better than Mike Cernovich.
Noam Chomsky’s intellect is a force of nature. Any time someone uses the term “pseudo-intellectual”, they are indirectly referencing Chomski – the litmust test of what a true intellectual is.  You don’t want to be on the wrong side of an argument with that man.  He’ll just figure out where you are correct and agree and move on to more interesting topics, leaving you trying to tread water in the middle of an ocean – you will drown eventually – he’ll just let you flail helplessly all you like, and keep showing you that you that you are in the middle of the ocean and are going to die.

It’s always been glaringly obvious to me that he is communist in ideology, because he glaringly says so often.

This is a good write up of what has been my glare about him:

https://www.quora.com/What-did-Michel-Foucault-and-Noam-Chomsky-disagree-about.  Quoted below:


 

Near the end of the century, Chomsky reflected on his debates with Foucault that took place thirty years earlier:

“We [Chomsky and Foucault] were in apparent disagreement, because where I was speaking of justice, he was speaking of power. At least, that is how the difference between our points of view appeared to me.” – Noam Chomsky, On Language, 1998

This, for me, is the key to their fundamental differences. Chomsky is a modernist. Foucault was a postmodernist. The modernist believes ‘justice’ and ‘truth’ have meaning and value independent of power. Human reason, used properly, can lead us toward a more just society. The postmodernist, on the other hand, believes that the meanings of the words ‘truth’ and ‘justice’ are socially constructed largely by those with power to hold and exercise such power.

How We Got Here

Imagine a beautiful Saturday morning in the seaside city of Lisbon, Portugal, on November 1st, 1755. It is All Saints Day, and people are worshiping at the many Churches and preparing for festivities. But late in the morning, about 10:00 o’clock, an earthquake estimated to be between 8.5 and 9.0 on the Moment Magnitude Scale, rattles most of the stone buildings, including the Cathedrals, into rubble. And then, amid the fires and the dead, and the chaos and treatment of the wounded, a tsunami rushes in causing even more devastation and suffering.

The time was ripe for Europe’s intellectuals to demand that we stop putting our faith in some fickle Deity and start putting our faith in man and human reason. It was time for ‘The Enlightenment’ and the ‘Age of Reason’. America, in fact, was born of the Enlightenment.

Fast forward 200 years, to the 1960s. I wonder if those 18th century intellectuals could have even imagined the technological progress we would make in just ten generations; for example, the elimination of polio, and of satellite weather forecasting. But even in the midst of such prosperity, there were serious doubts about our alleged progress. The Holocaust tormented the West’s consciousness, as did the Vietnam War. Even more agonizing was the growing realization of the failure of Marxist Communism. Communism was the star-child of the ‘enlightenment project’ believed to be the way to a more just, egalitarian world.

The answer was not to return to a faith in God, but at the same time to deny a faith in Man. Foucault spoke of the ‘death of man’ in the same way Nietzsche spoke of the ‘death of God’. And so we have the conflict between Noam Chomsky, who still believed in human reason and the value of the pursuit of justice, with Michel Foucault, who believed that truth and justice are ultimately manifestations of power and should not be glorified as though they had meaning outside of the power structures from which their meanings arose.

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They disagree about the nature of justice. Foucault is interested in asking “Why?”, and Chomsky is interested in asking, “And then what happens?” These two divergent approaches lead to different ideas about justice. Tom Gi also has a good point here, which is that Foucault is a postmodernist and Chomsky is a modernist. Foucault keeps attacking Chomsky by repeatedly asking for a transcendental moral foundation, which he knows Chomsky doesn’t want to provide. Chomsky keeps attacking Foucault by asking, “If you have no sense of what should be done, what the hell do you plan on doing?”

I incidentally have a YouTube video examining their debate. Just sayin’…

Listening to the first linked video, and the ones Youtube auto-plays next, there is humor in how the various arguments are so blantant and in your face abvious, and are positions I’ve many times adopted.

The first video especially. Post modernism versus morality. And then later videos of Chomsky directly addressing the issue.

I’ve taken both sides very explicitly, and here on this blog.

It’s blatant and unavoidable – unless you want to believe in an afterlife or otherwise need to sugar coat and avoid and dissimulate away from any painful thought.

If you comment on Roosh or Rollo or Heartiste, you likely have a low partner count with also having never held 2 long term loving relationships.

If you would like to argue the point, then most likely you are a newbie.

I’ll prove the point to anyone who cares.  Rooshv took a poll of partner counts of the participants in the rooshvforum that roosh thought was his personal controllable crowd.  And a poll of dark triad traits.  The partner counts were crazy low, and the hamburgertistic traits were crazy high. Heartiste has a documented history of editing peoples comments to say what he preferred them to say, or just deleting them.

Rollo’s crowd is… well, just read them.  Losers.  Read my discussions with them about teenagers, or marriage.  They are socially programmed by women to accept all the terms of womens view of marriage,  limiting lust to within a number of partners less than two, and an age group higher than anyone attractive.  Or Rollo’s crowd can be outspoken in rejection of such social programming and instead adopt MGTOW programming.  Rollo somehow accomodates both sets of opposing weak willed and minded men as his personal entourage.

The internets remember.  And the internets will never forget Rollo saying that you should not even try to be a dominant man in a long term relationship.  He responded to my comments, and mentioned me in his blog post reply – men can’t be alpha providers, “practically”, in his least humble view.

Sure, Rollo.  Good excuses.  It’s not your fault, for not maintaining long term passion, or finding a new lover.  It’s your wife’s fault for losing interest.  Sure.

I’m sad to say it – but fuck you for trying to be any sort of leader from that position.  Your relationship is invisible to readers for a real reason, and I’m not going to be empathological about it.  The needs of the many.

Older guys would remember when newspaper relationship columnists got called out for being divorced.  People have every right to talk about their own personal experience, and their interpretation of it.

After that we’re talking about keyboard jockying.

Polemic has its place.  In fact it’s a science of statistics that shows that it’s shame that moves society in directions – people don’t want to be on the wrong side of the fence.

Rollo and Heartiste and Roosh are has beens on the wrong side of the fence, with losers on the nets to stand in for in-your-slap-your-face friends.  “Where is the ban button?!  Where is my comment army? ”

Uh huh.  Chomsky vs Buckley.

Any of them would fucking melt, under a gaze of any of the moderately well developed men in the real mens movement.

Social conservatism as a mask to hide fear of change, and as badge of belonging to the pity party of the burned.

I suspect that many people use social conservatism as a mask to hide their paralysing fear of change.

They use it as an excuse to avoid heartbreak, suffering, and joy.

“Heaven, is a place, where nothing, ever happens” David Byrne

People use real truths about differences in how men and women generally behave, to avoid any change.

And worse than that, gather into communities of the burned, compare experiences of being burned, and conclude that only burns happen. Life from the perspective of a person who has simply not yet learned the basic skills of managing deep passionate loving joyful long term relationships, is no place to talk about how women are. It’s so incredibly one sided. “Alpha fucks and beta bucks!” “All women are like that!” How the fuck would YOU know! From your few experiences of being ignored or burned? Grow some skills and see women from the OTHER side. And there IS another side!

“No use having any sort of pair bonded relationship, because I can’t know if the woman will stay locked down and good to me and faithful FOR THE REST OF MY FUCKING LIFE.”

Get out there and get your hearts broken, you fucking dweebs. Do it over and over, and learn how to heal and make yourself a stronger, better person. Be a fucking man. Slowly, over the years, learn how to maintain strong interpersonal boundaries, learn how to be charming and charismatic. YOU CAN DO IT IF YOU TRY.

You can’t do it if you don’t.

I used to be a tormented Buddhist, working so incredibly very hard for heaven – that Nirvana where nothing ever happens.

What an incredible bag of fools gold I was sold! Pure shit. Heaven, is a place, where nothing, ever happens.

Life is a place where we navigate risk and reward, win and lose, feel up and down, and do shit.

Your ideas about women are directly correlated to your social standing

It’s been said that Men Going Their Own Way and the anti-intimacy contingent of pick up artists who are obsessed with an in-group brand of red-pill philosophy are, by and large, bitter social outcasts whose deep underlying frustration stems entirely from their lack of fuckability.

I think that this is true.

I think that you can see this in the writings at the very top of the manosphere pyramid, all the way down.  There are very few genuine first person positive experience and self improvement oriented dating and lifestyle blogs for men out there.  I’ve mentioned a few in the past.  Revolutionarylifestyledesign is a great example of what a positive men’s movement can look like.

Yesterday I was contemplating writing a very negative blog post, entitled “How to spot a loser”, and to point out as many loser qualities that I could think of, with ideas of how to self-improve ones way out of them.  Many of the loser qualities I could see in my current psychology, and more of them in my past, and many of them I could see that I’ve already done quite a bit of work on and don’t drag me down quite so much.

Still of course the very fact that losers piss me off might be bit loserish.  But is it really?  Here is a quote from this article on ROK about MGTOW from 2014

The blunt truth is this: men absolutely hate seeing weakness in other men. This is not some conspiracy to “shame” men into doing something they’re not supposed to like, it’s a fact of human nature. We men have an innate awareness of how infectious weakness can be, and guess what? The MGTOW community reeks of it.

And I should quote the main point of his article and his reason for disgust towards losers;

Everything for them is a “shame” tactic. Want to be in a happy relationship with a woman? Pussy worshiper. Offering information on self-improvement? Scam to sell products. Free tips on how to live the life you want? More shaming tactics.

People who make these sort of criticisms leave no room for a possibility of a healthy relationship or life. According to the more bitter adherents of MGTOW, even if a man is in an intimate relationship with a decent woman on his terms, he is still a slave to pussy who has relinquished his freedom (but somehow dedicating time, money, and effort to gain validation from video games isn’t). This is the sort of attitude you would expect from a hater who is jealous of another man’s success, which is why many men feel repellent to MGTOW as a whole.

I’ve known and dated people with personality disorders.  Dangerous people.  People who can really fuck you over.  Sometimes you can just be in the wrong place at the wrong time and get fucked over by dangerous people.  The most dangerous trait of all, is the trait of persecution.  It’s always driven by an inner rage that can’t see it’s own source.

J. Edgar Hoover was an active homosexual who spent a good deal of his lifes efforts persecuting gays.  He caused untold damage to countless lives.

I once dated a girl with Borderline Personality Disorder who would invariably go through horrible mood swings in which she would dreadfully abuse and alienate all around her.  It was difficult to get out of her life, and I had to sacrifice a good deal of my business inventory to do so.  She then proceeded to stalk me for about a year, and contacted every girl in every chat and dating site in the new city that I moved to and slandered me.  All the while of course still wanting me back.

Hoover and the BPD girl are extreme examples of projection of negative qualities (or more accurately unincorporated shadow aspects of oneself) out onto an other and a complete inability at introspection.

“OTHER people are really bad, so bad that we could even righteously persecute them, and as a group take righteous pleasure in it.  And WE are being persecuted by OTHER people.”  Clear back assward insanity that is actively impossible to see by people who project.  Literally impossible – many in the mental health field will admit this openly – the worst BPD traits – especially projection – are completely resistant to any and all therapy.  It’s an active wiring, that you can’t talk a person out of.  It’s them damn Jews!  It’s them damn Gays!  It’s them damn Women!  It’s them damn Liberals!  It’s not me!!  It’s them.  Them people are decadent!

I think that the manosphere is horribly infected with this, and is for the most part rotten to the core.

The point of the post that I had in mind; all the ways we have social standing or lack of it; was futile to make, because those who are most lacking in social standing are the least able to admit it.  They will dissumulate like mad.  Literally like mad.  Like literally insane people.

Your social standing directly affects how women treat you.

Your social standing and social facility directly affects how your own woman will treat you.

Women can be kind, generous, honest, loving, extraordinarily sexual, faithful, doting love slaves willing to give their mind body and soul over to you.

Or they can treat you like nothing but an ugly ATM machine and act despicably in all possible ways.

There are social classes of women, just as there are social classes of men.  And women are very pliable, and in certain contexts can act at their very best.  Just like men.

If you are currently not in good physical shape, you are not in any position to comment on the socio-sexual marketplace.  If you are not currently as physically attractive as you can be you do not understand women.

That is because if you are not currently actively working at self improvement and being at near maximum personal attractiveness, you can not see the better sides of women.  It will be invisible to you.

And you are not in a position to comment about what you have no experience about.  Keyboard jockying is not passing on third hand knowledge.  It’s the blind leading the blind astray.

There are incredible, positive, life affirming, joyous opportunities with women.  Long term, short term – absolutely everything that you could imagine is possible.

Most of the red pill is defeatest, anti-intimacy garbage, spewed by losers at life looking for companions to complain with, or manipulating the frustrations of others into the personal gains of attention, status, and money.  Frustration porn earns ROK big $$.

And that’s not only tragic, it can be deadly dangerous.  There are some very fucked up personalities capable of real harm and damage in this world.  Genuine psychopaths.  Many in this very community.

And there are very positive people.

I know that I have a bad habit of spending too much mental energy on negative people.  I have an ex that has a deep personality disorder of being horribly passive aggressive, who is a huge mind fuck, and over the years I’ve allowed her to be very close to me; I even loved her at times, and would even say so.  Thankfully she got fat, which is way over the edge into total loserdome; totally unforgiveable for a woman.  Much worse than even the mental torture.  She was young and hot and attentive and usually loving and in many ways very positive for me, but it was completely impossible to reign in her passive aggression to a managable level; she just would not and could not shut up or stop being incredibly annoying at what often seemed every possible opportunity.  And it’s my fault for 1) not just ditching her and upgrading sooner 2) keeping going back to her over and over and 3) keep thinking about how incredibly annoying she is, when apart from her.

So, I don’t want to do that with other losers who deliberately choose to not upgrade and enjoy more out of their own lives.  I don’t want to focus on the people who prefer to complain about other people instead of upgrading themselves and therefore their own social circle opportunities.

I still have a long way to go until I deserve to be invited to the parties of the people I admire most.  I’m not quite respectable, yet.  But I’ve seen and been around good society before.  My last main GF, V, was very kind and respectable.  The current live in is in all ways at her very best.  My fathers side of the family is large and successful in all measures, especially in their marriages and family and social lives.  People associate based on perceived social fit; you can’t even know what society is, if you are a loser.  All you will see is other losers, and the girls who date losers.  Successful people don’t like to hang out with losers.

We’ve all read the same opinion again and again and again.  Many top mainstream manosphere blogs are toxic to the spirit.  They will bring you down.  No matter what truths they hold, after time they can become an obsession that leads to a very pessimistic, negative outlook.

I will go further and claim that this is partly deliberate, and is a crab basket mentality.  Losers who don’t want others to succeed claim that success is actually impossible, because it’s society and the nature of women  that is sick.

No, society is not too sick for you succeed with women.  Women are not hypergamous hypergamous hypergamous alpha fucks beta bucks feminism divorce rape false rape allegations blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.  Jeesus.  They can be everything you’ve ever hoped for, and much more.

Succeeding in every possible way you can imagine is totally possible.  It’s all up to you.

We live in a world of easy quick pleasures and very difficult attainment of satisfaction.  This is two sides of the same coin, because it’s the easy pleasures that directly cause dissatisfaction.

  • Video games
  • Social media
  • Porn and masturbation
  • Poor diet and excercise
  • Lack of meditative disciplines
  • Lack of musical disciplines
  • Lack of group face to face socializing
  • Pump and dump sexual lifestyle and lack of pair bonding
  • Easy access to addictive drugs and alcohol

Our technology makes becoming a loser the easy way out, and the standard mode of being.

That’s actually good news because all you have to do is to become in the top 10% of attractiveness in enough areas to be attractive to women.  That is the start of being in the position to become a dominant leader who women respect and treat well.  Because loserdome is so common, you can easily enough rise to become the cream.

***

Don’t forget to comment

Diary update #3

I’m also meditating and doing chi-kung in the sunshine every morning. I’d gotten in the crazy habit of frequently orgasming, as well as getting very fat and out of shape and drinking too much.

It was an incredible slide, and now it’s zero to hero time.

I feel so much better! Fasting is having a very positive effect on my chronic stomach inflamation. I wake up in the morning with no stomach pain. Amazing. Haven’t felt this good in ages.

Another benefit of fasting is simply knowing that I can. And knowing that I can easily, with very little inconvenience.

I don’t want to be that guy who is too soft to go in the swimming pool because it’s cold at first. I want to be that guy who can handle a little bit of inconvenience from time to time. I’m not so much into being tough that I take cold showers though; I do when there is no hot water heater, which is common in low rent places locals use, and I can go a year without a hot water heater, but if it’s there, personally I use it for the intended purpose. Fine – I’m soft that way. That’s where I’m at in that balance. Comfort is good, but avoiding discomfort when it’s required is kinda pussy, and I don’t want to be on that side of the pussy curve.

Meditating at first is a bit uncomfortable. So is fasting, chi-kung, not coming, working out, not drinking. After it becomes routine it not only gets easier, but pleasure is found in it. And the rewards are slow and cumulative. Baseline wellness after the mildly annoying habits are routine and have been practiced for several months is far above baseline happiness when eating and drinking at will, and letting the mind do anything it pleases all the time.

I can’t much even feel the chi-kung unless I do it daily for a good few weeks, and if I don’t deepen the chi-kung with alternating with shamata vipassana, for one or three hours a day, I rarely feel it VERY strongly.

It’s the same for the sitting quietly. It can take a few weeks before I really quiet down. I don’t push myself or struggle about it; I’m not in a huge hurry to have a quiet mind. I don’t really try to meditate; not much. But after a few weeks, I’m meditating. It makes quite a difference to the morning, and eventually bleeds into dreams. Everything gets more colorful and panoramic.

And the chi-kung makes it so that I don’t have to come if I don’t want to. So I haven’t in two weeks. And not coming of course makes me not only have more stamina, but in the long run, combined with chi-kung and shamata-vipassana meditation, also means the base level of contentment, joy, and love increases.

J and I always role play – every day. Very often she’s a random neighbor from next door who wants to fuck me, as long as my wife isn’t too close by. Very often before blow jobs, she’ll sniff my dick and declare that she smells pussy. “Pussy! Hmmm. It smells like 14 year old.” We’re both jealous people – potentially crazy jealous – but not too triggered by a little role play. She knows how to make a man out of me, and we don’t risk any bed death.

I had really really fucked up, listening to her “I love you so much, marry me, never leave me” over and over day after day. I got soft.

You can’t do that. It’s got to be seducing the girl from day one, every day.

I’ve got to actually be worth it. Not just because we’re already together and inertia. I’ve got to be worth it compared to the next guy, if she were choosing for the first time.

Room on the ground floor for the right people – maybe

I’m starting a new business that will produce enough money to go around.

I’ve had good and bad experiences with interns and potential partners who came to Indonesia to collaborate with me.  The worst experiences have me quite wary to bring people in again.  But the best experiences made it so that I’m not a misanthrope yet.  Good chemistry and timely opportunities can make for explosive life improvement win win situations.

My current plan is to build a prototype new product, and use the income from that to hire Indonesian staff.  I’ve learned from previous mistakes and will not try to run businesses that the local talent pool is not skilled at.  My new direction can be handled very well in this country, which has a high reputation in the field.  So local staff can be paid relatively low salaries and quickly expland the product range, and continuously update products.

So I don’t really need interns and Westerners like I did before, when I tried to get several high tech endeavors going.

We got REALLY really really close with those businesses, but tech savy staffing was simply too difficult in this country, making progress too slow and expensive.

But the new business will be in a basically bottomless marketplace, and we’ll have near bottomless new product options.

I exel at creative invention.  It’s my strongest point, mentally.  For whatever brain power I have, it’s tuned mostly towards creativity.  My memory is quite poor, and my math aptitude is merely above average.  I’m also bottomlessly and widely curious, so I know a little bit about a lot, and this wide range of inputs into the multi-parallel creative process means that I never have a lack of business options.

I took one and a half years off of work, despite hundreds of solid new business options, and completely neglected a few working businesses that would have only required (and still only require) a slight amount of effort to tweak into exponentially more profit.

But, as was mentioned in Pirsigs Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, sometimes people are going sideways, when it seems like there are merely not going forward.  Aimless drifting is not nescessarily without direction or purpose, even if the direction and purpose could only be pieced together in hindsight.

It took me 1.5 years just to realize I had to go into a new direction, and to discover it.

The very fundamental and most important part of any business is what you are doing.  You can make money doing so many things, and can be successful at nearly anything, if you do it well.  But one good idea is lightbulb-invention-priceless.

And in entrepreneurship, a main, rock bottom fundamental issue, is motivation.

You can live or die based on motivation.  You need a strong synergy between motivation and profit.  Personally, I have that sync up now.  I’m interested in the new business, and expect to remain so until I die – even if I die centuries from now.

It’s difficult to get to the point about what I’m offering, as I’m still tentative due to being burned in the past.  I dont really want to risk paying for someones business schooling for little return.  Interns traditionally had been expected to work at the company for several years, as compensation for the value received in training.  I don’t want to again put myself in serious jeapordy by exposing business ideas to competition.  Things can go pear shaped fast, and horribly, all on my dime.

But I could be open to someone who can fund himself to work with me, and get in on the ground floor for profit sharing.  Maybe I can give room and board, if required.

It would be required that the applicant(s) are a good fit for the business, and interpersonally, and that he is willing to relocate to Indonesia.  The location will be good, socially and environmentally and logistically, but it’s not really a nightlife town.

I’m not really expecting much from this post, and unlike in the past am not really trying to build up a crew.  I just figured I should at least throw the idea out there.  I’ll be very picky about any replies, and please do not email me out of curiosity.  I’m sure you already know if you are truly willing to relocate to Indonesia.  Don’t try to get me to sell you on the idea.  You already know.  So let’s not waste each others time.  IF that is not a barrier, we can talk.  But don’t pump me for info out of curiosity.

Any fat fuck* can look decent within two months, and be cool on an instrument within 5 years.

It’s slow going, but steady and noticeable. I really like this one day eat as I please on gym day (focusing on high protein and some veg),  and the next day water-fast body resculpting method.

It’s surprising how not difficult it is. A few times a day on fast days it’s slightly annoying. It’s the morning after a fast day and hand on heart I’m not feeling hunger right now. And that means about 24+8=32 hours since last eating, if I ate just before sleeping on gym day. I was productive right into the late evening last night, and had no problems sleeping. Again; not troubled by hunger.

I find drinking boulion helps on fast days; I guess the body needs the salt, and it’s strangely satiating; in a fasty kind of way. I hadn’t thought of it until day three of not eating at the initial shock-start to the fast, and wow did my body ever appreciate the salt!

There is a noticeable difference between how much fat I could grab, slouched over on the can yesterday morning, than how much I could grab today. The belly is within normalish range now, and it’s not going to take much longer at this rate until any hint of a protrusion is dialed to within exactly any spec of my choice.

Really easy, really efficient way to diet. I’m lovin the method, and the results.

For me I  had  results inside of decent range for both the belly and my muscles attainable within two weeks from starting shlub point.  Decent meaning nothing to be embarrassed about, and bordering on attractive.

I’d guess that pretty well most any fat fuck could get himself looking decent within two months.

So,

I guess that means no excuses then.

It’s really not hard. No, really – I’m not just saying that. It’s totally doable. And what a difference it makes!

I feel SO much more sexy in bed now, and feel so much more deserving. It’s not easy to keep an attractive girl in her prime, especially at my age, height, and facial symmetry. I’ve no choice but to maximize my body, as well as anything else I can. And that, plus the everything else part, is making a huge difference to how the girl is treating me. She’s taken up a new hobby, and is very eager, focused, and attentive at praticing it. It’s getting in the way of my work, but I don’t want to get in the way of her hobby. She’s into giving head now. I guess we all need a hobby.

I’ve got a new hobby too. I’ve got a new 7 string hollow body jazz guitar, and have it hooked up via usb to the computer for software effects, and from there it goes to the stereo amp. It sounds great, and it’s really quite amazing to me just how much faster I’m learning to play music on it than I could since about 5 years ago when I last used to dick around on a guitar. It’s because of the piano playing. The fingers have a new intelligence now. It’s almost shocking. I had no idea that the musical ability in the fingers could transfer over like that.

I’ve got a tenor sax on the way.

So that will be piano, guitar, and tenor sax. Later I’ll add few more instruments, such as chromatic mouth harp, tenor flute, and a large bass cello. But the trio of guitar, piano, and sax is fucking awesome to get and keep a girls attention.

Again; really easy. All I did was dick around on the piano, at my own pace, with no lessons, no structured learning. Never played when I didn’t want to. Never pushed myself. Year after year after year, pure improv plus learning a few songs that caught my attention led to some actual musical ability. And that makes a huge difference in overall attractiveness, which is fucking important if I like blowjobs and sex. Which I do.

Best money I ever spent was the 4 grand on a Yamaha Clavinova electric piano. When it comes to musical instruments, get value for money, but get value. Get a good one. You’ll play more because you’ll sound way better. I bought two cheap ass guitars – one electric and one acoustic – before importing my 7 string jazz from China. The $100 guitars are kids toys compared to the $500 import. It’s a very different experience between playing them, and as you can imagine I’m much more inspired to play the good instrument.

And the $700 yamaha keyboard I had before springing for the Clavinova is also like a kids toy in comparison. I suppose the difference might be between fucking a fat fugly vs fucking a hottie? Both can seem good enough in the moment, but you’re going to want to fuck that hottie more often, and overall get a hell of a lot more pleasure from her. Especially for public performances.

A good instrument feels like an entity – like a living entity. You entwine with it, talk to it it, breath with it and discover with it. It’s a being. It makes a really big deal and difference to get a good being.

* Caveat; any fat fuck who is merely fat, and not obese.

Diary update #2

J25 had been acting progressivly more cranky for a few weeks, and was also getting a bit less responsive in bed. As was I, I admit. So I told her that I had noticed both things, and that we could not keep going on like that – totally unacceptable, and that it was largely my fault, because I’d let my belly go to pot.

Then I went to my other location and wouldn’t see her for several days. I think I made three full days on a water diet, but it might have been two full days and an evening meal on the third. Either way I’m still doing intermittent fasting – one day to eat and hit the gym, and the next day no food at all.

It was really embarrassing how far I’d let things slide. Even after over five 24 hour periods of no food, and one chicken with rice on three food days, I’ve still got a belly I’m not happy flashing around on the beach. And my arms and chest are at the lowest they’ve been in … what … 8 years? 10?

That’s what getting complacent will do to ya. Ruin your own body, and ruin your own relationship.

Man, so easy to slide.

Needless to say the fear of Dog was put into the little girl, and when I let her see me after some days she gave me her best possible fucking effort, and a very satisfying effort it was. She’s actually a bit extra clingy now – a little annoying really – but curling the paper in reverse for a while is better than letting it harden into a tube.

In other news, I think I’ve found a new direction in life and business. I kept trying and trying to motivate myself to fix old reliable and very workable businesses, but I just. could. not. get myself to do it.

Day after day I would promise myself, this will be the day I do the work. I know exactly what to do. It’s easy. I can even very easily tell others what to do.

But I’ve got these mental blocks that refuse to allow myself even to follow up on directing others work.

Over a year of that is a serious fucking issue. It must really mean it’s time to move on from that. My hearts not in it.

So I found what my heart is in, and will build a new business based on that.

I’m pretty stocked about it. I think I’ve thought it through well enough that this can be a life’s and a retirements passion – a wave to surf right to the end.

*******

A few thoughts about dieting.  I have three ex girlfriends who have put on weight and can’t or won’t get it back off again.  Always nothing but talk, and aborted efforts at intermittent fad dieting.

Losing weight is really quite simple, and can be done very quickly.  A very simple diet plan.

Don’t eat.

That’s it.  That’s the whole book.  It’s the title of the book, and what’s in between the covers.  Don’t eat food.

When you know that you are not going to eat food, you don’t get hungry.  Just like when you choose to not masturbate for a month, and stay away from triggers that arouse you beyond your will-power, it’s quite easy.  Once you make that choice, your body knows, and doesn’t bother you about it.

It’s the exact same thing for mosquito bites.  No one ever believes me about that one, but for most species of mosquito it’s true.  The small asian ones that give a painful bite leave a pain that lasts minutes, but it doesn’t actually make you want to scratch it, once you simply KNOW that you are not going to.  When you KNOW you are not going to scratch, your brain leaves you the fuck alone about it, and doesn’t bother to get into a big argument with you.

It’s when you are unsure if you have the willpower or not that you get these big long drawn out inner arguments about if the hand is going to move or not.

Fasting is the same thing.  You don’t actually even feel hungry.  Two full days no food, I was not hungry.  No lie.  It’s only when I start to contemplate when I’ll end the fast, that the gastric juices activate in anticipation.

Also when fasting I don’t let J eat in front of me.  I don’t want anything to activate my salivary glands.  No triggers, no hunger.  Really, it’s that simple.  Not rocket science.  Want to lose weight?  Don’t eat food.

I don’t have perfect or even above average willpower.  I’m a god damned alcoholic who still hasn’t figured out how to handle a drink.  But I do know one simple trick – if you fall down, just get back up again.

It’s not rocket science.  We can all do it.

Body out of shape?  Ok, fine, so you fell down.  We all do.  Stop eating for a while.  Or eat only after 8pm every day until you like what you see in the mirror.

Just get back up again.

Drinking too much?  Oh, that again.  Ok, so you fucked up.  You might not be able to unfuck a fuck, but you can just stop the fuckery.  For a while, at least.

Even if your think that your willpower is shot, due to some addiction or another, you might discover that it’s not really – you just need to re-discover your ability to stand up again.  It’s a bit of a different circuit than day to day willpower.  It’s just a decision you make all at once.  Then the inner argument is over.  A cheat to make it easier is to make an inner bargain to not do something for x amount of time.  Once you SEE that you can actually do it, then the next time you KNOW that you can actually do it.  Then you KNOW that there won’t be any inner argument about it.  It’s called making a decision, and it’s a different mental circuit than not reaching for a smoke when you are in the mood, or not taking an extra doughnut.

Standing back up again isn’t all that hard.

And frankly once I had my 3 times a week gym discipline set up, it was easy too.  I don’t know how I let that slide.  I used to be really stringent about it.  That’s got to be a decision again – no back talk.

Diary update

Living with J25 is going well.  We laugh and joke around a lot, she’s getting sex addicted and coming more, we’re in mutual love and she tells me she loves me at least 20 times a day.  Maybe a hundred some days?

I think of V less, the more J25 comes, but when I do think of her it still aches.

It’s unusual in my life for a girl to stay broken up with me.  V was in love and very bonded, but made a decision it seems she will stick to.  That seems foreign and strange to me, but I can understand and respect it.  She’s got some new guy, for better or worse, and she has some strong ideas about relationship, and her future.

This blog is dangerous to my relationships.  Most girls find out about it eventually.  It likely contributed to losing V.

So it’s dangerous and tricky to talk about non-monogamy.

In a previous post I talked about settling down to be with just one girl instead of the usual habit of maintaining multiple long term relationships.  However in some dreams I still have fresh loving fun with a harem – often newly found.

So I’m wary of kissing and telling, for fear of destroying hearts and my life.  It’s a shame, as I do enjoy having an open diary on the internet.  Long time readers will be left in the dark as to the status of my social life, except for references to my new “Daughter” J25.

Improv as the foundation of game

After you get very proficient with seduction and maintaining strong passionate long term bonds with women, it becomes increasingly difficult to explain what it is that you are doing.  More and more you are just being yourself.

More and more the mental maps that other people offer to describe ways to optimize dating strategies seem more and more incorrect.

When you get good with women, you are getting authentic with women.  And then only after the fact we offer our own personal interpretations of our real life reference experiences.  It’s not keyboard jockeying.  It’s not trading around secret rules.

Our job as guys with experience is to get other guys to develop their own reference experiences, authentically.

Without substituting maps for experience.

I listen to a lot of WTF Marc Maron interviews of comedians, and one way that comedians learn their craft – I suppose the foundational way – is through improv on the spot, and being thrown into situations in which they must perform.

Comedians say it takes about 10 years, on the stage, to learn the craft of being funny.

Now of course you can and should study other comedians. But you can’t copy any comedian – that would not work. That can’t and doesn’t work.

Each guy HAS to develop and find his own authentic style, through feedback. It can and does and should take a LONG time. If it doesn’t, then you are stuck in the process of learning – there is more and deeper to go.

One thing I think a lot of guys miss is that feedback can happen within LTRs and MLTRs – not just on the street, or during the initial seduction stage.

LTRs actually should always stretch a man’s ability to the limit – if not, he could either be dating a hotter girl, or more girls.

Theory helps, and I do my best to think about and theorize and create and read mental frameworks that can sort the raw data in ways that organize without conflicting or excluding data.

But improv is important not just because it teaches us the muscle memory, deeply, in our being.  It’s important because it IS a way of being.

I chose to learn the piano by pure improv, for two years.

It was purely a personal preference choice, and not one I would recommend to others.

I’m of the pure improv school, means that I realize that there are other schools.

I’ve also mentioned often that I do recognize that I’ve subconsciously incorporated skill-sets into my improv.

My flow moment, to me, is my primary motivation. I spent two years being a crappy piano player, because I prefer flow moments to being able to play the piano.

It’s personal. It’s what matters, to me.  I believe that improv can become a character trait, as well as a skill – a way to be more present and authentic in the now, as a leader.

***

Daysofgame.com said:

Deserve” is one of the most fucked up words in human psych. There is no such thing as “deserve.” Replace “deserve” with “desire” and you are closer to the truth in BlueVs statement.

That’s an interesting perspective, because in a way you are removing mental frameworks, and therefore being more present.

A great deal of Buddhism has that at the core. We must have philosophy, and mental maps, of course, yet a strange paradox is that the more refined maps look simpler and simpler – like edited prose.

I like how you side-stepped the entire argument. Whether we deserve to date women so much younger and more attractive than ourselves is the wrong question – not even worthy of giving a yes or no to.

Nothing to do with the now moment – if you can simplify enough.

Simplifying is actually hard, long work.

On the other hand, while deserve is the wrong question, the sexual marketplace is an exchange of value. Some girls might be “tricked” into thinking that a hollow shell of a man who is a good character actor narcissist is “worth” fucking, but girls don’t stick around with narcissists. That’s part of the very definition of being a narcissist, on the books; people don’t hang around, because people aren’t stupid, and they see through you, and see no there there.

I personally feel very deserving of true love, and very deserving of giving true love.  And have a very inflated idea of the level of beauty that I rate, if you would base my male value on looks alone.  But you could edit that and simplify it and say that I personally receive and give love, genuinely, and that hot young girls have been into me and still are.

The attitude of not deserving is a serious character flaw, and will certainly lead to problems with long term relationships, and most likely even to a sour grapes attitude that “I didn’t really want a long term relationship with that hottie anyway”.

So sometimes we need to reverse the curl of the paper, in order to get it flat. Go from the mental map of being undeserving, to being deserving, and then finally to simply going after what you want to the best of your ability – and stretching way past what others could conceive of as possible.

Guessing why girls so often fall in love fast

Daysofgame.com asked

do you have any notes about what you do to go from “physical stranger” to “spiritual sex?

I don’t do anything.

I’ve never done any state control, of any kind. It has never crossed my mind. All I did was fix my hair and makeup, and drive over. Not a single canned line. I’ve never in my life done any routine.

I’ve never paid any attention to anything about stages of seduction, when to spike attraction, when to give comfort, how to show value, how to give the illusion of scarcity etc. I’ve seen people talk about it, but it has never resonated with me. That all seems so video-gamey. A guy could easily get out of the moment, over-thinking things, trying too hard, I think. Then where is the connection? The whole reason you are there? Lost to agenda.

I wasn’t trying to accomplish or do anything, exactly. I don’t do A in order to get B result – not at all.

I’ve never intentionally made a girl fall in love with me. I’m simply very loving and loveable. Really – it’s true. I know a lot of guys can’t even visualize what that might be like, as cynicism runs so deep in our world. I truly love women – genuinely love them. And I truly am strongly capable of giving and receiving genuine love.

And of course part of being able to love is loving your own shadow side. I’m mostly an open book, and I mostly love myself, and I mostly am able to make friendly arrangements with even the dark ugly corners of the human condition. I don’t love ideals, and am not ideal – I try to make honest, real, close, loving relationships, based on reality.

Oh, and more than just being loving, I’m kinda funny, in a bitter-sweet dark chocolate kind of way. Very sexual humor. I never tell canned jokes, or deliberately try to be funny, but it’s just a habit to wring the most pleasure out of the absurdity of life, by pointing to it and laughing. I usually keep a straight face while being off-handedly witty, as if I did not just crack wise, and the humor flows seamlessly. My gf said that I have the ability to make people happy. She said that she instantly trusted me and knew that I was a good man, with a good heart.

I’d say that a major core of my seduction skill came from my father, who is a strongly monogamous family man. He’s a very loving man – the kind of guy who children instantly fall in love with and want to sit on his lap and play with him. He’s also a natural authority, and always instantly seen and respected as such. He’s never been embarrassed to be loving, and just considers it natural. My grandmother was perhaps the root of his personality core; I visited at age twelve and in two weeks absorbed her into my being. The most loving person I’ve ever met – you could go a whole lifetime without realizing it was possible for someone like her to exist. Other mentors must seep in. My best friend and mentor during my very formative years at the monastery and meditation centers, was always described by everyone as having a highly seductive personality. Very charming. And also a natural authority.

But I’m just guessing. Introspection is difficult and so is understanding what it is that works and why. I can do, but can I teach?

An example of my sense of humor would be when I was feeling vulnerable and roughly pushed her away from me, my hand shoving the center of her chest, and screamed “I don’t want to love you!”

You can see that I’ve internalized a few principles of game here, within the joke. Instead of being puppy eyed sappy and vulnerable, I turn it around and make fun of myself and use the situation as a push, and make a common – we are together in this deal because I’m recognizing how these things work, out loud , I’m sure you are feeling this too – joke out of it. I point at the absurdity of the situation, and that brings us together, and is a push pull all at once.

That was totally spur of the moment. I’ve been living with girls and dating girls for a long time, and have spent a lot of time reading and writing about it. So there is a lot of stuff that is internalized and incorporated on the spot without conscious thought or effort.

I haven’t really paid a lot of attention to it, but I think I make similar types of jokes all the time. A few girlfriends kept telling me that I was funny, and laughed a lot. If we both don’t speak the same language, I still manage to get laughs, using pantomine. Laughter was a big part of my sales technique for the many years that I was a travelling salesman.

I was talking with J yesterday about how we incorporate different accents and speech mannerisms from others. It’s unconscious, but I’m always incorporating mannerisms from my girlfriends. S16, who is now S19 shows up in my speech patterns a lot – she had some very fun little quirky speech patterns that add some extra joy to how to pronounce certain words or respond to certain situations. Very joyful and playful. It’s interesting, because on the whole her personality was rather crap – but at her best she was a joy, and some of her best is very noticeable in how I speak.

I think we are sponges, and what we sponge depends quite a bit on our attitude. I’ve sponged some core characteristics of being loving, and then worked extremely diligently to capitalize on them with Buddhist meditation practices to increase loving kindness, year after year. Little speech mannerisms here and there get soaked up. V was very kind and easy going and we had a great companionate relationship, and I learned a lot from her and sucked her up, these last three years.

Meditation and chi-kung teachers teach not only mindfullness techniques, but are great resources for vibe. You can suck up and internalize the vibes of your most respected mentors, and that makes you a more attractive person.

And most likely the strongest, number one reason that girls fall hard for me is the sex. Chi-kung sex is an absolute must, and everything that I am revolves around it.

Everything that I am revolves around it. Chi-kung sex can be a core of a being.

It’s about communion, power, expression, naked awareness. Love as spiritual awakening to the glory of inter-subjective wonder. Seeing god in the eyes of your lover, time stretching, seeming to share the same sensations as if unbounded by bodies, while discovering a fresh strong inhabiting of a body that seems to be energy that expands out well past the skin, into her, into the air, all with so much control and finesse – making operas and symphonies and beats out of sexual energy in various places of my and her body.

Sex is a lot about vibe. Our intonations in the voice carry quite a lot of the emotional transfer – at least as much – more even – than how we move our bodies. You have to feel a lot in order to make a woman feel a lot.

Oh, I guess that’s hitting the nail on the head.

You have to feel a lot in order to make a woman feel a lot.

Firstly being a safe space where emotions can happen (love) secondly being able to arouse and feel and share strong emotions (chi-kung sex, or simply looking in her eyes).

Both of those are not techniques that you can learn, in the same way you can memorize a script, or learn stages of seduction. Those are not things to do, those are things to be. That’s about developing your self, year after year, to be able to open to your own emotions, and love yourself, and share all that you are with others, while taking delight in what they share, and making workable deals with all the shit that comes from inside and outside.

Which is why sometimes I talk about grief, and not trying too hard to avoid it entirely. Why I make fun of people who warn against “catching feelings” or use the term “one-itis”, as if they are on the inside track to true wisdom by becoming anhedonic drones.

Catching feelings is the whole fucking point of being with a woman! That’s why you showed up for the date in the first place!

Update: Another example of the little twists that I keep injecting into most every turn of the conversation, to make them more playful and fun:

She looks up at me, ready to go out, and in an insecure tone of voice and face asks:

“Don’t I look beautiful?”

I examine her face inquisitively, not letting any final judgment show up on my face yet, then pinch both of her cheeks at once firmly, and declare with a look of satisfaction:

“There! Now you are beautiful!”

A careful reader will notice the heavy use of hypnosis and NLP. Or perhaps they will read it from the viewpoint of owning the frame, or dominance. Lots of game aspects you could interpret into that little joke.

Can’t you just imagine doing that to your middle aged female child, and then the youngest would come running up shouting “Daddy, make me beautiful too!”

Then she says that even though she’ll be out, she’s installed CCTV cams everywhere, even in my body. “Hey! I never agreed to that! Did you install a CCTV cam in my body while I was sleeping?” “Yes, in your dick”. “Oh, and you have it hooked up to an app on your phone, and can see it anytime!” I then do a routine describing a day in the life of the dick cam, and close out the joke with looking at her askance and with exaggerated scepticism, shaking my index finger back and forth between pointing at her eyes and mine and I accuse, “Are you trying to fool me? I don’t think that you did really put a camera in my dick, did you!” That closes out the joke and we both break out laughing.

I paid attention today and I’m constantly making these little fun twists in the conversation, injecting a lively spirit. And it’s heavily laden with game theory, if you later examine it. But it all comes out on the spot, improvised in a flash.

Update: I like to go on youtube binges soaking up everything I can about and from people I admire.  The last was David Spade.  He is very off the cuff witty in interviews, and can when he wants be very humble and charming.  At other times he can be impatient and not suffer fools gladly.  But always extremely fast and sharp.  The Marc Maron WTF podcasts are a good resource to discover new people to investigate.

It’s easy to notice that some ugly comedians have a history of doing very well with women.  I’m sure the fame can play a big role, but it’s more than that.  I’ve always found as a salesman that once I made someone laugh they were mine; they were sold on me and almost wanted to buy something from me just in appreciation of making them laugh.  To celebrate and cement the camaraderie.

don-knotts-and--wife

Don Knots was considered to be a charming ladies man, and did well with women and had beautiful wives.

My girlfriend (who in my head I call my wife) hosted a small party last night, and dragged me down to join the group her and three friends.  We shared some drinks and soon were laughing with near every sentence, and one guy kept saying that I was funny.  A bit difficult to do with the language barrier, but jokes can be kept simple, such as my girl saying “I’m need to go pee”, and I look at her tenderly and point to my mouth and say “pee in my mouth”.  Simple jokes, if delivered in succession, can have the group laughing and laughing.  Groups can get into a state where there are ripe to laugh.

I was impressed by how she handled herself being falling down drunk, and the quality of her friends.  She kept calling me her husband, which always makes my dick hard.  And the dick never lies.  She seems so very proud of me, and we are already so coupled, it’s quite touching, and you could see that her friends respected our mate choices.

It’s interesting that I’ve never written about the role of humor in seduction or maintaining a relationship before.  I’ve never even noticed that I’m constantly making little jokes.  Points to the benefit of blogging and talking to others, I guess.  I can’t believe that I missed something so important.  Explaining what we do really is quite different than doing what we do.