If you suspect you will eventually settle down, start having LTRs and MLTRs in preparation.

Long term men’s blog readers will know of the trend for manosphere bloggers to fall off the map, never to be heard from again.

Some writers make a public announcement of a change of direction. It’s usually either that they have settled down in a pair bond, or are planning to.

Some are aware of how they’ve hamstrung their own efforts at pair bonding by building up frames of reference and habits that are at odds with the venture.

These memes are superfluous and outright detrimental even to casual dating and even to pump and dump. Memes such as fake it until you make it, irrational self confidence, confidence is king, and alpha fucks and beta bucks are all detrimental to dating, and severely detrimental to mating.

I’ve been trying for years to talk not only about dominance, but dominance within a framework of emotional sensitivity. They go hand in hand. Lately I’ve also been talking more about improvisation, and right brained whole body authentic in the moment presence.

So I really don’t know how guys who have been careless with their memes are going to transition into having a live in partner.

When you practice picking up girls, you are practicing a certain skill set.

When you live with someone, the skill set is overlapping, but distinct. There is a Venn diagram of skill sets.

So if you plan to eventually mate, I’d suggest that you not only practice dating, but also practice long term relationships, and practice living together.

I’d be hard pressed to count the number of women that I’ve lived with in the past. And as I’ve also dated multiple women concurrently, in a loving pair bonded way for most of them, I’ve had practice in the pair bonding related skill sets for decades, and a lot of it.

If you want to be good at something, it helps to practice it. There are different types of relationships, and if you are practicing one type, it does not follow that you will be good at a different type.

But my contention is and has always been that it’s stupid and insane to make a false dichotomy and distinction between being the fun guy and being the provider.

Intimacy without commitment happens always – even during long term monogamous living together. It’s always day by day, no strings attached. It’s always fun. It’s always intimate. There is never any box or separation.

You fuck her every day as if you’d just met. And role play as if you are both little sluts. And bond and laugh as if you accept each others inner little whore. And be good to each other like best friends. It’s not a bunch of different rooms, it’s all one house with many rooms in it – all doors open and unlocked.

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Stages of mating applies only to a small percentage of a small niche of over-educated feminists.

Most of the most common red pill memes are more wrong than right. It’s become the blind leading the blind, with people parroting facile hand waving generalities that barely correspond to what they see with their own eyes.

And that have no clue of what is on the other side of the fence. No clue about a frame of reference that isn’t a beta frame of reference. No clue about that it’s a real option to be treated with passionate loving attention long term by a woman who maintains acquisitive mode, even while supporting a woman or living together.

This is a very DELIBERATE cluelessness. It’s clueless for two simple reasons.

1) Pua’s rationalize their lifestyle by turning it into superhero status. They choose to believe that women actually aren’t sexually interested in boyfriends. They only get really hot for pump and dumpers.
2) Guys who are not being treated as “Chads” are bitter and angry and want to maintain an attitude of sour grapes. They NEED to believe that the grapes are not attainable, and that the grapes don’t exist. Women are just shit, end of story.

Magnum said:

Women over 26 years old or so push for monogamy. Women in their sexual prime (18-24 or so) actually prefer to keep their options open. Even the older ones get bored of monogamy after 2-3 years and either cheat when a worthwhile opportunity comes up, or they lose sexual interest in their monogamous partner (or both).

You can offset this tendency by not living with a woman and keeping the relationship open, and avoiding legal marriage so she knows you can leave when you want.

It’s just how women are biologically wired to endure genetic diversity of their limited number of offspring. It’s not something to be upset about, but rather to accept and plan your actions around accordingly.

Ya, I don’t witness the same stages of mating so many people seem so certain about.

I’ve dated teenagers who were trying very hard (and sometimes succeeding) to get pregnant. My live in girlfriends have usually been early twenties, and all were pushing for marriage and wanted kids.

I also don’t buy this biological 2 to 3 year clock.

I’ve witnessed long term pair bonds. Yes, sometimes people have affairs within the pair bonds, but I’ve witnessed extreme long term and sexually active pair bonding. My grandparents, for instance. Boinked daily, got along great.

And in my own life I’ve been able to maintain strong passion past the 5 year mark.

All these “red pill truth” rules… I really mistrust them. It sounds to me like the blind leading the blind.
Magnum said:

Yes but you’re in Bali and not the US, correct? Context can play a big role

Yes, I’ve been in SEA for about 15 years.

But the US and Europe also has subcultures. Just like any high school has archtypal subcultures.

And women aren’t all like that, in any culture.

And women are different depending on the man. They are like water to a glass.

It’s well known now that there is no pussy paradise; the sexual marketplace is not grossly different anywhere.

Culture (and education) affects stages of mating. Latinos in the US like to get pregnant as teens.

Women are still the same basic primates, everywhere. Culture makes minor adjustments. Stages of mating is not a biological trait. Therefore YOU can be the culture that affects the woman.

I’m sure if we look at real statistics, and at what ages babies and marriages are happening, we won’t find anything corresponding to this stages of mating idea, in any country or culture.

Update: People are marrying later and later, and it’s a dramatic trend.  But still, 29 percent of white women are married by the time they are 25 years old.  And 12% by 22.  Here is an interactive graph showing which groups are married by what age. https://flowingdata.com/2017/11/01/who-is-married-by-now/

And keep in mind education level makes a big difference.  So if we excluded college girls from the data the number would be higher.

This graph breaks it down by education level and shows 24% of people with high school or less are married by age 20.  https://flowingdata.com/2016/03/03/marrying-age/ (You have to add up all the percentages up to and including the final age you want.)  You can clearly see the peak age for marriage for this group is 21 years old.

Stages of mating?  Nope.

stages-of-mating

But I bet that a percentage of readers will go on talking about stages of mating as if it’s a feature built into women, even after seeing the facts.

I think it has to do with social signalling for some victim based in-group.  “I’m one of the boys!  I’ve been red pilled!”

And isn’t it also just a touch of gamma socialist entitlement? “Those girls are doing it wrong, waiting for their epiphany phase to hook up with a beta like me.  They should marry younger, like they did before!  And be thankful for it!  They’ll be sorry one day!”

The entitlement is off the fucking charts.  If you want a mate, be mate worthy.  I doubt top guys have trouble finding marriage partners.  Are you a top guy yet?  No?  Oh, better find a community of fail to complain and commiserate with.  That’ll make you feel MUCH better.  That’ll help.

Or maybe go after non-college educated girls?  Girls in your own country from a different background to your own?  Or in a different location?  No?  It should be delivered to you on a platter?  Still fresh and virginal?  One per customer?

Out-grouping women as the enemy and in-grouping the victim mentality socialist gamas and betas together helps the meme grow in strength.

Ya, but just look at the graph right in front of your face, and tell me again how you need that meme so bad, that you’ll just ignore your lying eyes.

Girls are girls are girls.  If there is some upper class Asian girl in the U.S. who plans to wait until after she’s finished her grad degree before marriage who comes across an unusually good match, chances are she’ll marry him, if her family is into him, even if the average age for Asians to marry is over 30.  It’s not cooked right into female nature to wait.  Girls pair bond beginning as teenagers, and want babies beginning as teenagers.  That’s biologically baked in.  Stages of mating is not.

And conversely it’s not biologically baked in for high status men to only pump and dump.  Pair bonding is biologically baked in, to men of ALL status.

I’ve read that some ideas are deliberately batshit insane, in order that to profess belief in them you are professing that you are REALLY REALLY a member of the group.  Think Mormons, or Christian Scientists.

Update from comments:

Please keep in mind that a lot of the research has not yet differentiated between high T or alpha males vs lower status males. The ones that do differentiate, are along the lines of “women orgasm more for wealthy men”, and show that women don’t have a dual mating strategy as showing up in hormonal/ovulation patterns when their partner is high status.

****

Rollo heavily curates what studies he’ll admit into evidence, based on his motivation.

His motivation is to:
1) Prevent beta suicides similar to what happened to his brother in law.
2) Rationalize his passionless marriage.
3) Maintain and grow his position as a social influencer.

He has no motivation regarding sexual marketplace class mobility. He has not seen and does not believe that there exists the possibility to be treated as a King or Alpha or Wizard within the context of marriage or a supportive LTR.

As an example of his rationalizing his passionless marriage and of not believing in class mobility, he does not believe the Dave in Hawaii story of a married man learning to be the dominant leader and turning his marriage completely around. He doesn’t believe that this is possible, and said exactly that in a comment on his own blog.

He’s also said the he does not believe that it’s “pragmatic” to be both an alpha and a provider. He continues with his idea of an extremely strict dissociation between alpha fucks and beta bucks by insisting that high value men only choose to pump and dump. Yes, he said exactly that, in the comment section. Look to comment sections to get the gut feelings of writers.

His entire worldview, which he advocates as the ONLY worldview, is coming from the place of a beta. He thinks that this is reality.

Yes, it is reality. Unless you make a different reality. And from then on that reality is completely irrelevant. Has nothing to do with you. Women behave nothing like what Rollo would teach you to expect.

From an old Saturday Night Live skit on sexual harrassment in the workplace:
Rule number 1. Be attractive.
Rule number 2. Don’t be unatractive.

Rollo isn’t attractive, doesn’t know how to be attractive, and doesn’t teach how to be attractive. He doesn’t care about it.

All he cares about is preventing beta suicides.

***

Marriages are lasting on average about 10 years, give or take a few years.  And average is not what readers of this blog aspire to be, I assume.

Divorce rates are between 40 and 55% depending on country and region.  I’m not sure how the math was done to get the 10 year average marriage length, considering that MOST people never divorce at all.

Ten years seems fine to me. But some people are still chemically and romantically in love till death do they part. About one in ten, I ‘m told. That’s not a small percentage, if you consider that many of the variables are under your own control.

Card counting is not exactly gambling.  If you are inexperience with women, you are rolling the dice on a marriage lasting forever and not being divorce raped.  If you co-habitate and safe-guard your finances, and have a long history of doing better and better and learn expert level of co-habitating with women, it’s nothing to do with gambling.  It’s called enjoying the best that life has to offer.

I’ve made claims again and again that I know how to keep passionate romantic attachment alive.

It’s a bold claim.

I’m considering recording pillow talk and setting up a patreon account.

I’ve sometimes thought it would be helpful to newbs to listen to pillow talk.

I’m starting to form the idea that a lot of newbs lean a bit autistic, and that autistic traits are growing as a cultural problem. I’m starting to think that cultural and tech reasons are making people developmentally impaired plus over reliant on their left brain narrative. Less socially aware and emotionally embodied. Less flow moments, too much analysis.

This should have been obvious to me ages ago, I suppose. Dr. Iain McGilchrist’s youtube videos about left/right brain functions made a big impression on me, and gave aha moments to large swaths of my life and social life. Including giving context to my Buddhist years.

So sometimes it occurs to me that recording the pillow talk of me and my girl might make for good social imprinting on people who don’t have such resources.

Pillow talk is the opposite of scriptable. It’s pure flow moments.

That’s what people need to learn. Whenever I hear someone use the term “spit game”, I imagine someone who has no clue about genuine male/female social interaction. Do you “spit game” during pillow talk?

A baby step of thinking that you know what to say is better than being to timid to approach and then floundering if you do. But social interaction is about flow moments. Those moments of feeling fulfilled by feeling connected. Genuine sharing and mutual inspiration and fun. Pillow talk is likely a great teaching tool.

Nash said:

When I was in college (and sharing rooms with roommates), I used to think the most “disgusting” thing you could ever hear was a guy doing his “love talk” with a girl. ”

“It still makes me nauseous to think of intentionally exposing myself to another man’s pillow talk. Sneaky Tom’s very terrible date product was an example of a lot of this…

This is interesting feedback to get.

When I was married in my early mid twenties, the pillow talk was mutually infantile. Back then I sidled up to being close by mirroring the woman’s interests and attitudes. I had no idea about masculine polarity.

Does that sound like the pillow talk that you have heard so far?

Part of me really misses Miss Thick. If I had audio of her and I in bed, I would be very tempted to listen to it… but I’m not sure it would be good for me.

I still have very vivid dreams of my last main near live-in GF. And we haven’t seen each other or shared one letter of txt messaging in almost two years. It’s probably a good thing that her facebook is set to private. Ya, ruminating over her would be too emotionally vivid and not helpful.

I see what you mean about having others listen in on such emotionally vivid personal banter would also be a shared intimacy.

I’m just thinking that our current culture is hyper fragmented and in places pathologically broken. Single parent families, too much social media, not enough unsupervised play, over emphasis on left brained activities, not enough mentors.

I think a main way that we learn social skills is by imprinting. Imprinting, plus social feedback. Mentors, plus play and play dates and trial relationships.

I don’t think that books or text or describing techniques can imprint. I think we need to see it.

I assume it’s similar for sports and music. You have to hear great music before you realize the possibility of it. Then you can emulate it, then you can riff off the emulation, then after that you can invent your own.

I’m sure it’s the same for any boy interested in soccer. Once he saw a top level player do amazing things, he realized new possibilities.

Which touches on the subject of flow moments versus spitting game.

I’m often conscious of using game principles within flow moments. Even with unconscious mastery, there is still awareness of technique. Even a tennis player who has decades of finely crafted muscle memory is still aware of micro-seconds of decision making happen. But the processing of the decision happens in a different part of the brain. Once you learn something and have that knowledge consolidated, you can drive the car and have a conversation and look in the eyes of the passenger at the same time.

I think a risk of theory heavy advice to newbs is that the end result is a constant nearly neurotic games playing assessment. I think it’s very difficult to get across emotions such as actually FEELING relaxed and loved. Emotions such as making another relaxed and feel love. Emotions such as joy. Values such as fun, ease and laughter.

That’s why I think we need to broaden our ways of teaching to include imprinting.

We can’t do that with bootcamps; that still is too separate; too analytical; too distinct from embodying the process. I mean yes, it’s ideal to get real life feedback, and ideal to watch someone in set, and to get a first hand view of his technique and vibe. That is the type of mentorship and imprinting I’m suggesting is crucial. The social imprinting people need. But to really see behind the curtain, I think we need the paper thin walls to listen in on the neighbors.

Live and let live is not compatible with justice and protection

Johnny Caustic said:

This ties back to the fact that I found the seduction community back when everyone was big on aloofness, and how that b.s. held me back for years. I didn’t have the courage to face the “no”s, and the nonsense about faking disinterest gave me an excuse to be cowardly.

“the seduction community back when everyone was big on aloofness, and how that b.s. held me back for years. ”

That used to piss me off so hard. At the time I wrote what seemed like dozens of posts against the idea. If felt as if I was the only voice, stating the obvious, as loud as I could. It felt as if no one was listening. So incredibly frustrating. Yes, exactly. I knew how damaging that idea was. I fought my best against it, swimming against the tide, getting nothing but flack at the time.

Really fucking stupid idea. Heartiste is a good writer, but his promotion of narcissism and the dark triad by definition makes him not a good person.

I did a google search for xsplat aloof and there are many cranky posts. But this is the anti Heartiste meme post that really riled me up at the time.

https://xsplat.wordpress.com/2013/08/08/why-irrational-self-confidence-will-fuck-up-your-life/

Aloofness as ultimate game is stupid and toxic enough, but the fake-it-until-you-make-it confidence-is-king meme. Man. Eye rolling is not argument, so I wrote against that as best as I could at the time also.

Swimming against the stream. Never thanked. Barely noticed, or at least not much publicly agreed with at the time. But things did change. Heartiste’s ideas are no longer mainstream – the stream is now in my direction.

The Red Quest said:

Getting angry at people online seems like a waste of emotion. Reality offers useful feedback to those who believe incorrect ideas.

Having incorrect ideas is just human nature.

But sometimes people do what seems not much different than preaching for others to use crack cocaine, and try to build up a church of crack cocaine.

In such cases, it’s also human nature to have social concern, and to try to prevent a crack cocaine epidemic.

We are evolved to have social concern. It’s an emotion people don’t talk about much, but it’s very common. It’s similar to a sense of justice. We simply don’t like to see people causing harm.

And the commentor above mentioned that the incorrect ideas had a negative impact on his life.

It’s one thing to use crack, and be open and honest about it.

It’s another thing to preach using crack.

I’m a libertine and lean towards letting everyone do their own thing. But doing your own thing is not the same as setting up a Charles Manson church.

Some influencers, such as Roosh and Heartiste, rigorously police the conversations such that alternate viewpoints can not be expressed on their platforms.

Heartiste is well known to go so far as to actually edit peoples comments, such that the comments say different things than the commentor was trying to say.

He did this to my comments several times. This could not be apparent to the other readers, and he would not allow comments on his blog that called him out on this.

I’ve heard the same thing from many other people.

So this goes beyond having opionions and speaking your mind. It becomes much closer to brainwashing people. And this can cause real harm. It’s not theoretical.

Charles Manson didn’t actually do any murders, yet wound up in jail, merely for being influential.

It’s not just a game. It’s not just all live and let live, laissez fair. It’s very real cause and very real effect.

@theredquest, you’ve mentioned before that many of the people attracted to redpill and manosphere forums are there because of social deficits.

They are, in some ways, weak and vulnerable.

They can’t know what they don’t know. They are not in a position to judge for themselves, to pick and choose the wheat from the chaffe. They simply lack the life experience to be able to do so.

A persuasive writer can be analogous to a bully picking on a retard, if he is persuasive for personal gain.

You may have heard of a once popular character called Christian Mcqueen. It’s been said by some that he is in fact parasitical. https://www.rooshvforum.com/thread-45406.html

The weak in society need ombudsmen. There are predators everywhere, and the manosphere/redpill sphere is full of them.

It can take years and years for them to be caught out. By then so much real damage is done.

Why arranged marriages have less divorces

My current relationship is very companionate. We are both very deliberate in trying to make each other happy. The last was the same in that way.

This is in contrast to other relationships, some recent, in which there was inevitable and routine drama and stress. High conflict personalities don’t merely give shit tests that you can pass; they stir up shit until you get pissed off, and won’t stop until there is either drama or abandonment. There are personality disorders that are “resistant” to treatment, meaning they are permanent developmental delays. Not all women are passive aggressive by nature, so don’t mistake a personality disorder for the nature of women and “shit testing”.

I’ve written before about the current remarkably low level of relationship conflict. My opinion is that there is a lot that goes into this, one main thing being keeping passion alive, every day. Some couples seem to be companionate and low sex drive, but that goes against my experience; in my experience high passion calms everyone down, and acts as the main glue of mutual benefit; the main reason to always be nice to each other.

But I think there is also another element. Let’s call it the “default setting”.

Some people have a default setting of being cheerful. Some don’t.

Some people have a default setting of being romantic. Some don’t.

Some people have a default setting of being sensual and touchy feely and touching, stroking, kissing, and fucking a lot . Some don’t.

But the default setting that I think helps Indian’s in arranged marriages be happier than people who marry out of love is this:

Some people have the default setting of trying to make each other happy. To make things work out. To be on the same team. To turn conflicts into patience, understanding, humor, and a mutual exercise of “feeding the baby” of romantic attachment.

I’m guessing that arranged marriages have this default setting as the assumption. Perhaps a lack of choice in the matter actually helps to relax into this default. If you can’t beat em, join em. If you can’t fight and bitch your way out of a difference in opinion, work at resolution, and assume resolution as the default setting.

***************
Random bonus spare thoughts:

Quote from Mindhunter season 1 episode 2

Losers are drawn to authority
Nobody wants to admit it but users are useful
Why they’re nosy
They tend to know what everybody else is up to
and they’re resentful, a lot of them.
They always got raw deal

That type of character fits in well with the shitposter trolls on redpill type forums, blogs, video channels, etc.

But realize that there are gamma women as well. Even physically attractive women can be social gammas, with permanent social developmental delays.

The whole point of assortative mating is to social climb. For guys this looks like trying to get the unicorn; an attractive woman who is not crazy.

It tends to be the guys who are on the lower social rungs, the gammas and guys on the autistic spectrum, who have the most need for training in how to get girls. These are also the people who tend to be the most resistant to self development.

The guys who succeed in using red-pill and pua technology to improve their sex lives eventually all come to the same conclusion. Getting better with women is MOSTLY about self improvement. Very little to do with routines or scripts. It’s about becoming both authentic and at the same time charismatic – not choosing charisma over honesty.

And then, through much dating and interaction with women, we realize that women are also all on a social scale. Not just an attractiveness scale. It becomes apparent how common sense became common; common sense distinctions of class are accurate. There are trashy loser disorganized women, and there are trashy loser disorganized socially inept men. The dating market is about assortative mating, such that you actually have to be a decent match; you can’t get a hot and kind and smart girl with scripts.

So most guys don’t bother trying, and instead become internet trolls, proclaiming that even trying at all is a losers game. Instead of growing into becoming anti-nihilists, they try to build a community of the pity-party, and adopt a stance of safety in indifference.

And so lower socio-sexual class men en mass seek answers, and wind up joining a community of those uncertain if they should bother to self improve and leverage class mobility into sex, or whether to lower their expectations and to call that “red pill knowledge”. Not being in a position to judge how women treat men they view as high value, the group assumptions are for the worst treatment that women reserve for those they don’t want to fuck.

Redpill is a very vague collection of conflicting memes. It isn’t a coherent strategy, and means 10 different things to 10 different people. Jargon word catchphrase losing more meaning every time it’s used.

A third stage of workout; a different approach to the gym

I’ve had no period in my life before where I was this consistent and disciplined with my gym and diet.

Usually I get to the point of looking and feeling strong, then routinely miss a few days or a week, and have to catch up again.

What I’m learning is that at a certain muscle building level, the game changes.

Your muscles get so strong that you are at the risk of literally tearing your own body apart. Sports injuries from weight lifting are common. Damage to knees and elbows, tendons, the spine, tears inside muscles, and even ripping muscles right off from where they attach to bone all happen.

I had a day in agony just last week, from damage to my right shoulder. Last month I had left elbow pain. This month my right elbow was making popping noises every time I moved it, and was painful. Two months ago I tweaked my back doing twists on the ab twisty machine.

So I’ve come up with a third stage of weight lifting.

Stage 1: Get big and strong. Find a routine of sets and reps, and stick to your routine. Just show up the chosen number of times per week, and finish your work.

Stage 2: Be more creative and flexible with your routine. You realize that you have strong days and weak days. Days where you have to adjust for injuries. Days where you have recovered faster or slower. Listen to your body and adjust the day to that, plus take on new types of challenges; start playing with more and less reps, and different types of movement.

Stage 3: Artistic yogic dance.

On the butterfly wires, more and more I’m leaning into a type of chi-kung dance. I might start by using the wires to stretch out my shoulders, and slowly warm up my muscles with easier but unusual pulls. I’ll challenge my balance by leaning as far forward as I can, and butterfly one arm at a time. I’ll squat and lean backwards as far as I can, and butterfly behind my back. I’ll bend my knees and lean far right, pulling and loosening the wires in co-ordinated but different angles, then shift to the left and repeat. I’ll pull one wire behind my back and one to the front, for an added an ab twist workout. Instead of just trying to grunt out 10 or 20 reps of a full stack, I’ll use a half stack for a 10 minute set. It’s starting to resemble a tai-chi routine.

I make it about awareness. Feel my body as if I were doing yoga postures. Make new postures. Experiment.

It’s starting to look rather interesting, and impressive.

And I’m doing it a weight that last year I was using for a mere 10 reps of straight armed butterflies. At a weight most guys at the gym use for bent elbowed butterflies. After I walk away from that piece of equipment, there is a long cooling off period for it, as no one wants to be compared against what I just did.

I’m getting more flexible and creative on other equipment as well. Even with dumbbells; instead of just working through 10 reps of one in each arm set of 12s, then 14s, then 16s, then 18s, then 20 kilos of curl and press above the head, I might do some sort of mindfulness body centered meditation using just the 12s. for a while. I try to be more creative in discovering how to move the weights around; move them in different directions and at different speeds, feeling my body carefully the whole time. Then just see where my body is at for further challenges of that exercise; I may or not pick up the 20s on any given day.

Even with the pull downs, instead of working to max out the weight for 10 reps, I might stretch out the shoulders, do some slowly, pull one arm down at a time (our gym has a machine with handles and weights for each arm, not just a wire on a stack), and build up to doing aerobic bursts of many reps, then back off again to a slow mindful pace. Even such a simple exercise can be turned into a stage 3 exercise.

I was eye fucked like crazy last night.

Last August I was a bit out of shape, and it was hurting my relationship with my live in. So I started a strict regimen of going to the gym every second day, and not eating a single calorie of food on non-gym days. I kept this up quite regularly for about six months, and continue the habit to this day, but with some breaks.

I’m still a relatively small guy. Somewhere around 135 pounds and 5 foot seven. So when I come back from the gym, all excited about outperforming the huge monster men at the gym, I would not expect even my own GF to believe me. Surely I must be deluded. So I took her with me a few times so she can see for herself. I’m truly stronger (for my favorite exercises) than nearly every guy there. I’m a bit famous about it by now, and guys often approach me during a set to cheer me on, or sometimes pull out a cell phone to record me. They do this, I believe, not because of the freaky high number of reps I do with weights many struggle with for 10 reps (I might do over 100 reps on wires for butterflies, and try to make dance like routines, moving my arms in unusual directions – like double opposing direction straight armed windmill, or full speed boxing punches, or behind the back pulls. While the girls are dancing their aerobic routines, I’m keeping the dance beat with big weights on the wires, for long sets. Or I might pump and pump to the music free weight curls then push over the head – over and over with one arm rising as the other is falling, as if I can never get tired. I’ve never seen any other man touch the largest weights that I use for this exercise for anything but dumbbell bench presses.

Sometimes to really show off, while doing countless rapid forearm wire pull downs with a full stack, I’ll change it up and do them with one arm. But this fucks up my elbows, so I had to stop doing that. Too bad – it’s really fun to freak people out with that trick.

I admit that I’m a bit of a dick about it. It never gets old to wait for some monster man to finish his set, then to pick up his weights or wires and triple or quintuple his reps without any noticeable effort. Then to add much more weight and carry on as if I’m completely fresh. I no longer try to do outright contests – that causes too much obvious loss of face. But I still find it hilarious to outperform huge guys – so very noticeably outperform them.

So any way, my girl knows that I’m not delusional. She sees that I’m genuinely crazy and strangely strong, freakishly so for my small size.

But she never really saw that sometimes I get eye fucked. I haven’t taken her out for a meal in ages, so last night I took her out. Sitting at the next table was a super hottie, talking to a man. We started blatantly in your face eye fucking each other. To me, that night, I thought her face was as close to a 10 as I could imagine. Super super hottie. Then the waitress was blatantly eye fucking me.

I asked my GF if it was my imagination, and she said no. I told her that I had sparkly eyes that night, and believed that I could make any girl in the whole place eye fuck me. I was just in that zone – that perfect yet elusive zone that alcoholics occasionally find, where they are perfectly disinhibited before getting sloppy or sleepy.

She saw it was true. I asked her several times, to double check that it wasn’t the alcohol making me overestimate myself in a delusional way. She completely agreed. I had sparkle eyes, and not a single girl resisted them, and many were outright blatant in sharing sparkle eye sex. Even girls with their men.

My girl suddenly developed a headache, and I was very tempted to let her go home alone so that I could stay there and collect numbers. That hottie on the table next to me gave every very strong tell that she would have fucked me last night. This morning I did feel some regret for not taking that opportunity.

I had no idea, my whole life, what a huge difference making my body as close to maximum it can be would have.

If I take even one week away from not fasting every second day, the fat quickly comes back.

I can understand why so few people maximize their bodies.

I’m very easily in the top 1% of maximized body for what I can be. And for my age of early fifties, very easily in the top .1 percent.

And damn, it makes a HUGE difference.

Even white chicks give me open body language at times.

I’ve been strong before, but haven’t had a six pack and no belly since I was a teen. It makes a very very big difference. Honestly I would never have guessed.

I’ve let the discipline slide a bit, so I’m at least three fast days away from a flat belly six pack. It’s very difficult to get and to keep that. It only takes about 1 week of normal eating to lose it, for me.

And I did come home with my girl. Probably smart. As often happens for her, she dreamt of me fucking tons of girls, right in front of her face. Highly erotic dream for her, but she also felt rejected. So she’s clearly of two minds. She loves the orgy porn, and sometimes talks of following through – yet at the same time is very bonded and could get insanely jealous and terribly deeply hurt. She still tells me she loves me dozens of times per day, and is highly sexual with me, every day. As doting as a human could possibly be. And we’ve been living together full time for 15 months.

I realize it’s a big risk to this good relationship for me to be more attractive. Opportunity changes a persons attitudes and desires. Clearly my opportunities have changed. Very, very clearly. She even said so, to another girl we were talking to. I’m not delusional.

If you’ve never maximized your own body shape, I think you would be surprised at what can happen. You might think you are close to maximum, but I used to think that too. It’s that last 10% that can make 90% of the difference. For me that requires regular full day fasts. Other people just lower their calories, or eat within a certain window every day. For me, I find most benefit and it’s the easiest routine to simply only eat every second day. It gets easier, but it’s never exactly easy. Which is why, I suppose, that guys who do it stand out. And if you stand out, you get treated very differently.

I would like to “have it all”. I’ve done that before. I’ve had multiple young and hot girfriends, many times throughout my life. I’ve had a very unusual life, a very non-conformist life. I’ve indulged in kink that would surpise men that so many women quickly agree to. Lots of public sex, for instance. My standout favorite memories. I’ve done exactly what I wanted, many times. But I don’t believe it’s really possible to have it all.

Because I think pair bonding is something most people want – at least 25% of people, maybe 50%, I forget, are of the secure attachment style – and we find meaning and value in pair bonds – for us, it’s an emotional requirement to contentment.

And pair bonded people universally get jealous. Sometimes we can manage it. But you never KNOW when and if you will get jealous to a degree that would collapse a pair bond. You can’t second guess even yourself, no matter what is your personal history. The brain is not under narrative control – emotions happen TO us, we don’t will them into being, or into not being. We accept and use and play with them, and can focus our attentions to a degree. But we don’t drive our emotions the way we drive a car. And to the degree that we do, we are not using off road vehicles. We have roads we are constrained to.

I know there are people, like Blackdragon, who might disagree – but I would bet real dollars that it’s ALWAYS every single time apples and oranges. He lets his girlfriend veto who he fucks, and puts severe time and emotion restrictions onto girls that aren’t his one pair-bond.

I personally have no care interest or ability to limit pair bonds. If I like a girl, I like her. I’ll want to see her again. I’m not delusional about this simple fact of my life; girls almost always very very quickly fall in love with me. That might not be you, and you might not want that – but it’s me, and I can’t help it, and I do like it. I love seeing the same girl again and again and again, and having real bonded relationships. Multiple girls. And that’s drama – always. It’s simply not sustainable.

So we’ll see what happens. Will I sabotage this relationship that I’m very happy with? Would you? Will I hurt this very loving and kind and bonded attractive young woman – who is thirty years younger than me and who constantly gets offers from all sorts of men every time she’s in public? Guys would trade limbs to get the treatment she gives me every day. Most guys, I truly believe, can not believe that my real lived life is possible for anyone, ever, at any time. Too much cognitive dissonance.

Even so called red pilled guys MUST assume that I actually pay for sex, and that I’m deluded.

It’s just too painful to imagine otherwise. Otherwise why aren’t they getting such treatment.

It’s really pretty simple, and I’ve explained it again and again. Actually love the women you fuck – actually truly really love them. And fuck them well. And treat em a bit like little fuck sluts. Have strong boundaries and expectations. Be kind and fun and funny. It’s not fucking rocket science.

Sounds simple, but I truly believe that MOST men can’t love strongly, can’t feel passion strongly, consistently day after day, for the same girl. I can and do. It makes me rather unusual.

And I’m old and have a very noticeably below average fugly face. I’m short. I need a wig to not look totally out of it unfuckable.

With all these things that should place me into the totally unfuckable zone, I’m still getting eye fucked like crazy, and have pretty well all the sex I am physically capable of. With an objective hottie. And more options.

Just because I’ve maximized what I do have.

You don’t know what your options are unless you maximize also.

What if social media is causing permanent mental retardation for those who grow up with it?

We know that there are developmental windows where neuro-development must occur for many different human developments. Motor development. Vision. Learning a language. If you aren’t subject to the stimulus that leads to language acquisition during those few years of developmental opportunity, you can never learn to understand speech. Not enough stimulus can cause severe developmental disorders in many areas, if the critical windows are missed.

What if a lack of unsupervised play causes developmental harm? What if a lack of face to face communication during our major neurological developmental open window, which lasts up until about age 21, causes permanent developmental delay – or social and mental retardation in other words?

Will we wind up with an older generation scratching their heads at the mass hysteria of a new generation of college students who can’t snap out of their collective group think identities?

As the older generations die out, will they leave the planet to a bunch of retards?

And that’s not the scary part.

I’ve been forecasting for decades about upcoming technological changes. People thought I was a raving futurist who’d read too many science fiction books. Ya, but now it’s getting in your face, isn’t it?

AI and robots are not only changing the job market, there is talk of existential threat by people as respected and famous as Elon Musk. Whatever changes Facebook and Twitter have brought us are as nothing compared to what AI and virtual realities and life extension and body modding will bring. And bring soon.

We aren’t talking about your grandchildren’s lifetimes. We are talking within my lifetime – and I’m already over 50. We are talking about your lifetime.

Society right now looks fucking insane to anyone my age. We’d never imagined this could have happened. It would never have happened to any of us who grew up with two parents in a home that had one rotary dial telephone that hung on the kitchen wall. Oh, and our Mothers and us kids only had glass bottles to drink from, meaning no BPAs to mess with our crucially important hormone levels as infants and children.

You guys are fucked. If you have kids, will you let them use a smart phone? Will you force them to go out and play, like my Mom did? Or will you let him stay inside and watch TV?

Well, for some of you, by the time you have kids, it won’t be about smart phones any more. It will be some equally unpredictable new socially disruptive technology.

The social conformist insular group think cliques and fanatical power hungry bureaucratic social justice or right wing conservative warriors are out of fucking control.

Did you guys just not go out to play enough? Didn’t see your Dad enough? Too much time on the joystick? What the hell happened to you?

If you don’t have any older friends, get them now. You need people who grew up in a different era to imprint on you. Believe me, even if you don’t know it, you need mentors. Find knowledgeable and respectable older people and be valuable to them and befriend them, before they are all dead and it’s too late for everyone.

It’s what I did when I was young. By dating older women and by befriending the wisest men and women I could find in the communities that I was interested in.

What if listening exclusively to hip hop and other non-melodic genres that lack complex harmonies is a definite sign of the developmental delay caused by not enough right brained activities, such as having emotionally bonded social interactions, playing music, body centered meditations and sports, and so on?

Only having same aged friends with similar interest is a horrible missed opportunity for young men . What if most of your similar aged friends are all fucked in the head? How could you possibly know?

***
Update: Just saw this

The two edges of being underestimated.

I’m freakishly strong for my size. It’s a medical curiosity. I’m often the strongest guy at the gym, at least in the exercises that I enjoy to specialize in.

A few days ago there was a freakishly huge guy at the gym, and I was in an unusually engaging mood. He was “fresh meat” at the gym, and had never seen some of the more eye catching sets that I do. So I asked him if he’d be willing to do some contests.

Yay! He was game.

His arms were almost as big as my legs, and my keen eye noticed the low body fat and the rare but important tells of strength; the vast network of bulges of veins.

He said that he enjoys contests, as long as he wins. I said that I can only enjoy a contest if there is the real possibility to lose.

I let him pick his weapons for the duel. I could not repeat the weight he used for his standard routine of pull downs. Next we went to the butterfly on the wires – a favorite of mine. He fully extends his arms, and did 10 sets of an unusually high weight for full extention. Never once bent his elbows for leverage. I did repeat at his weight, but conceded to him that my extention was not quite as good as his. He said “that’s not even the same thing!”

Then he seemed to get annoyed. He said “You are going to get hurt. Don’t do that!”

I’ve heard that so many times over the years. Big guys think they are experts at everyone elses body. Most don’t realize that human’s vary quite a great deal in both how we respond to excersise, as well as types of muscle and how much of the muscle fiber we use. For instance some people, during strength training, will grow in strength at roughly the same rate as others, for the first 6 weeks or so, but their muscle mass won’t grow at all – and can even shrink. Others will grow only under specific training regimens – more or less reps, more or less weight. There is not only not any one size fits all regimen, but there is no one size fits all strength to weight ratio.

So any way, sometimes big guys get annoyed when they see me lifting and pulling big numbers, and try to “help” me do it right.

It’s arrogant and annoying, and my theory of mind of why they try to “help” is not charitable. I think they are subconciously trying to regain the status they think they earned by being big.

He got so annoyed at my pulling big numbers in the butterfly that he moved the pin to less than half the weight and told me sternly and in no uncertain terms that THAT was the weight I should be training with.

Convivially I said “Oh, really?” Then I grabbed the wires, as he turned to show me the raised hackles on his back. I had to call out twice to get his attention, as he was being very deliberate in NOT seeing how well I fared at his “suggested” weight. I was whipping the weights around like small plastic childrens toys, breathing rate not raised at all, and could have gone on for twenty or more minutes. “Oh no, I think I’m hurting myself!”

Then I strolled over to the dumbells, and grabbed first a set of 18s. I grabbed his eyes across the room with mine, pointed at the number, then him, and mimed for him to also try. Then did an easy set of 10 reps of curl then press above your head, one barbell in each hand.

Then I did the same with a set of 20s. One guy starting video recording. I think I did 20 reps. Not even breathing hard. Heartrate was fine. Some big guys came over to ask me about how I was so strong, and I said:

“I wish I could be big like you. You know, some guys get big, and others just get strong. I never get big. It’s just a different type of muscle, somehow.”

The huge guy was silent. I walked over and challenged him to try the barbells. All he said was “No way man. You’re stronger than me.”

It’s a bit annoying that I’ll never look as strong as I am. Sun Tzu thinks it can be an advantage to be underestimated. I’m not sure. Maybe bluff is equally valuable.

Sometimes I wish I was big with muscles and a body type that works just for show. I’ve seen guys with greyhound shaped rib cages that don’t need any meat on them to get that perfect triangular torso. Guys with high fat content muscles that naturally fill out a shirt. I have to work really fucking hard just to get my torso into a decent triangle, and my flared ribs with sunken chest mean I have to heavily overconpensate. At my fittest, I always look better with my shirt off than on, as the lean-ness of the muscles with their striations rippling in movement is unexpected and not obvious.

After the guys who were video recording my set and cheering me on and counting each rep came over, I punctuated the conversation by strongly punching the rubber foam padded wall collumn. Once with each hand. Hard enough that would sprain most people’s wrists, bruise and possibly fracture bones. Bones also respond to resistance training, which is why some martial artists punch wooden boards.

Nobody would ever know or suspect that I don’t need gloves or taped wrists to work a boxing bag, and am working towards being able to throw a series of hard punches against a bony body part without hurting my hands.

I’ve considered before playing like a billiards pool shark – carefully ensnaring unsuspecting big guys into placing bets. But most guys I meet at the gym won’t do any contest with me.

That guy was fucking huge. A real genetic freak of nature lottery winner huge.

I’m a freak of nature small.

It’s double edged and maybe there is no lesson to be learned – it’s just the choiceless way it is. No matter how fit I look, looks won’t reveal the potential.

Reminds me of a comment that I made decades ago to a friend, that only earned me an incredulous raised eyebrow at my self-overestimation and arrogance. I told him that it was VERY hard for me to get a pretty girl into bed, but after we fuck, it was always easy to keep them.

Some potentials are not easily displayed, or seen in others.

How being a good listener and questioner is a life changing super power

Alchemist said:

People who actually use advise are rare and difficult to make a living from.

Yes, and what’s worse is that people’s egos are usually very prickly.

You say:

I am generally happy to give someone else all the credit for being top dog as long as I can walk away with whatever stuff of value I was looking to gain from an operation.

That’s something that I’m working on. I’m not a great listener. Sometimes I have to notice that and force myself to pay more attention to pick out the wheat from the chaffe. To read comments twice. To not focus only on what I disagree with. To try to put myself into the other person’s shoes and figure out the insights from that perspective.

I noticed how bad I was at that, in part from seeing how good Nash is at it. And many other commenters here also.

But most people I think have a very difficult time with new perspectives.

Which usually makes talking about something where we are VERY emotionally invested, such as how to fuck, nearly impossible.

Theredquest says that he rarely gets positive feedback or interest when he talks about the benefits of a low sugar diet and using a bycicle for commuting as part of a fitness regimen.

Because people get prickly about their self esteem. So you can’t give advice.

And even on a blog where people go to to learn, giving advice will almost never work.

So many times, after people see me do chi-kung or meditate, they tell me “oh, I should start doing that”.

Ya. Right.

It’s like saying “Oh, I should also start a small side business”.

Like you say, it’s all talk. Nearly nobody ever actually does it.

And for talking about tantric types of sex, people actively avoid even imagining what the benefits could possibly be. Not only are most people too lazy to learn it, they are anti-lazy in even imagining what the benefits could be.

Luckily there is already a very small audience of people who have similar interests and lifestyles, and so that tiny audience of peers helps to keep me from giving up.

But as for actually influencing people?

All I can do is plant seeds, and hope for VERY long term minor social changes.

Or hope that a very few sensitive and talented men will take a small hint and run with it. That actually does happen.

Renfrew said:

Yesterday I listened to a very recent (Jan 2019) convo between Tom Torero, Troy Francis, and the now married Paul Janka.

I noticed that Torero and Francis (active players) never asked Janka (legendary retired player) any questions like “What are the wonderful things about married life?” or “Tell us about your wife” or “Do you think there’s a value in commitment to another person that you don’t get in short-term interactions?”

At times I had the sense they were less interested in Janka’s true experience of the decision to live monogamously (and the consequences thereof), and more interested in voicing (and reinforcing) their faith in their own respective mating strategies.

At any rate, because of where their heads were, I felt they missed the chance to have a real deep and revealing conversation about relationship styles, favouring instead a rather superficial and conventional discussion of “monogamy versus player.”

I don’t think any of the three men learned anything in the conversation, or were changed or influenced at all by each other. They enjoyed themselves, but there wasn’t any authentic intersubjectivity.

The marriage convo is here:

Which led me to watch this very long video of Janka, filmed when he was just at the start of the relationship with the girl he went on to marry:

I had not listened to Janka in years, and I’d completely forgotten how verbally intelligent that man is.

Great comment, and I like that Paul Janka video; I really vibe with his style.

I wish I could teach 1/5th as well as he can.

His story of playing with a girls pussy within a few minutes of meeting her, with her friends friend sitting beside her and not knowing was familiar. Because I did that too. Later that night the girl came home with me, despite the violent protestations of her cock blocking lesbian best friend. Then the 21 year old micro-mini hottie moved in on the first date and we lived together for 1 year. Must be fourteen years ago now. Long enough that I remember her, but don’t reminisce about her.

I wonder how long it took Paul Janka to be able to TEACH like that. It’s one thing to do a thing well, but teaching how to do a thing well is a very different skill set.

Some thoughts about Nick Krauser

That being said, most of Nick’s trollery actually serves to make important distinctions.
ie.
->Shoring IS distinct Sugar Daddying or being a John. Not because of morals, but because a man’s self respect is important, even if it flimsy to the point of delusion.
->’Dating’ in the west is mostly shoring anyway, but that doesn’t change ^
->Convincing an Eastern European model to bear you children and stick around and be nice to them, raise them, and be nice, respectful to you IS distinct from either of the above, and requires a similar leap in ability and character from a man.

Yes, good distinctions. But I think Nick still displays a glaring blind spot. In this guest post by Jimmy https://krauserpua.com/2018/09/03/ask-jimmy-2/ the subject is of settling down after a career of daygaming. I commented:

The options for relationships are MUCH vaster than is generally discussed. The possibilities are MUCH bigger than is usually even hinted at.

I assume because it’s an overlapping, but still distinct and separate skill set. You can’t just transition out of day game into relationship game, as if it’s all the same thing.

Krauser appears to have bought into and built upon this very weird idea of alpha only fucks and only betas provide for a live in mate. His crew dress alike in costumes that highlight the bad-boy archetype, and we never hear him talk about him having any long term relationships with any of his conquests.

So he’s deliberately created this reality that deliberately excludes developing or even valuing long term relationship skills.

So it will be invisble to him the very concept of giving and receiving love, and MAINTAINING strong passionate long term love affairs.

So the skill sets required to have a live in and raise kids are completely outside of his radar.

Which directly relates to your comment:

The skills needed for shoring, for pickup, and for raising the next generation of men to be more than damaged goods, these skills are learned skills.

Pickup skills can be learned, and somewhat taught.

LTR skills are what my blog is mostly about. I write about them because I believe that they can also be somewhat taught.

They are overlapping but distinct. LTR skills include developing your self in ways that are not important for pick up.

Deliberate blind spot.

And they only pay attention to you after they see the way other people behave toward you. In theory cold approach can short cut past social proof and wealth and AMOGing and all the rest, but in reality all of the guys, myself included, [B]appear [/B]to only be able to approach girls with real success AFTER we earn the respect of our peers in some way.

People do fight for serotonin. But sometimes that fight can get not only a bit ugly, but a bit pathological. Not only not win/win, but more towards lose/lose.

An anti-Krauser website has a few people saying that Krauser can be prickly in person with other guys, and AMOG his own wings, or just generally bring down his friends state with arrogance. *(Update – see Krauser’s comment about that website.) Someone did contact me before with a 1st hand story that jibes with that, of Krauser seeming to value his pick up skills so much that he gives off the vibe of dick measuring about it in what would otherwise be pleasant company.


We all rationalize our choices of what is the best mating strategy based on exactly what we are doing. Krauser does it, and I do it. But I think in the back of Krauser’s mind, he realizes that his mating strategy is bodering on pathological and doesn’t really measure up against mating strategies where people actually love and take care of each other, and want to see each other again. So I think he projects out his insecurities, with an offensive psychological defence.


I’d love to make this comment a post, because I believe that Krausers overall attitude towards women could lead spergy men towards only developing a spergy approach to women; never learning to open their hearts and lean into their artistic sides. I’m of two minds – with one mind not wanting to be too dickish. I suppose I could re-write it in the abstract, but where is the fun in that?


Although Nick disparages guys who talk about women for not being as good or interested in daygame style pick up, he also said in 2012 that daygame tends to fuck up your life and turn you into an narcissist who can only attract fucked up people. https://krauserpua.com/2012/03/03/narcissism-and-codependency-in-the-puahb-dynamic/

More recently Nick has been thinking about converting to Christianity, and said:

If I do make a conversion to Christianity, I’ll be withdrawing my key pick-up products from the market, so if you want *******, 2019 is the time to buy them.

So he clearly is of two minds of the value of the lifestyle that he’s devoted so many years to, and of the value of that lifestyle to others.

Which makes it all the more weird that he is so arrogant about it. Not weird, actually. It’s just a common divided brain. Not integrated personality.

I keep talking over and over about unifying the mind through practices designed to do exactly that.

I think we can see a good argument here for why that’s fucking god damned important, exactly and especially regarding dealing with the women in our lives.

If you want girls to come back for more, you need a broad self improvement regimen that includes emotional and sexual and musical fluency.

I think the reader can put together the connections between these ideas. I may update with more thoughts later.

Quoting theredquest:

2. Most people want a “system” to follow. Religion used to provide this. Today, religion is mostly dead, and so guys find politics instead. Once a typical person buys into a political party or system, they stay with that system, even when it is bad, or has bad outcomes.

3. Keep in mind that TRP and seduction probably selects for guys who have been unsuccessful with or hurt by women. Probably guys with bad childhoods too. Guys who are getting what they want from dating, women, etc. are probably not spending a lot of time debating pickup tactics online.

Quoting Delacroix’s Desk: https://delacroixsdesk.wordpress.com/2019/02/15/truths-about-the-red-pill-seduction-and-why-rp-may-actually-be-hurting-your-success-with-women/

While RP wisdom tells you to ignore emotions and that “feelings” are for girls. You have to realize, as an artist your ability to experience emotion and express it is one of your greatest strengths EVEN if it’s not inherently masculine.

Quoting BlueValenting: https://krauserpua.com/2019/02/21/blackdragon-is-a-pathetic-delusional-cuck/#comment-122894

Honestly, I always viewed Xsplat as a keyboard jockey totally disconnected from the reality of seducing women and the grind of game because he doesn’t approach much.

He’s always struck me as lost in a world of mental masturbation without much relevance to reality.

The only thing that gives him some “cred” is how long he’s been blogging about love and that esoteric nonsense, which is 2003. But as you can see in his first post ever, the dude was living in la la land for over 15 years now:

Quoting TheRealist https://krauserpua.com/2019/02/21/blackdragon-is-a-pathetic-delusional-cuck/#comment-122887

I’ve read your blog while ago and found some resemblance from RedPill perspective.
Give some refreshment by having the balls to diss Rollo CS.
Also at least, a good writer, I think(at that time).

After read that post I just realized you.. $%@!$@!%$@%!%%^&^!@

RIGHT BRAIN? Chi-Kung? internal energy.? chakras?

Are you TNL member?

Ok, I’ve written before how I think that the idea of being a leather jacket Alpha Fucks as OPPOSED to provider type of man is a crazy and stupid self limiting false dichotomy.

Here is a great example of why.

If you think that love and chakras and chi-kung are “unrealistic”, divorced from reality, and la-la land, then ask yourself what reality you are trying to create for yourself.

In my reality that I create, I fall in mutual love with young women that I’m very sexually attracted to, and they become extremely devoted and see me as often as I will allow them to.

In the reality that BlueValentine prefers, he focuses on meeting new girls.

What about retention?

What about retention?

What about retention?

Why not see the girl more than once?

Are you not interested? Or is it that you HAVE to keep approaching new girls, because the girls are not interested in seeing you again?

Chi-kung is EXTREMELY down to earth and practical.

It’s the technology that makes girls fall in love and come back to ride and suck on your cock.

****************

Relevant, from this comment:

In researching the biomechenics of addiction for this comment https://xsplat.wordpress.com/2017/10/05/11156/#comment-29344, I came accross information about differences in how the left and right brain process information, and how each can sometimes work as distinct characters that we inhabit.

I think you’ll notice that most of what I advocate, in terms of relationship skills and seduction, is very right brain oriented. I’d like to do a long write up about it.

I’ve spent a great many years working diligently, without being aware of it, to be able to embody my right brain – since age 12 actually – first with self-hypnosis, then mind centered then body centered meditations, intellect to see the edges of intellect through studying Buddhist philosopy, lucid dreaming, post-meditative wide spacial awareness as habit, poetry writing, and later with musical improvisation (that I usually do using the left hand, which is controlled by the right brain).

Lately when talking about seduction I mention improv often, and mindfullness and awareness and music.

Apparently bonding and social relations are handled by the right brain.

It also thinks in terms of quality, instead of quantity. It would be an EXTREMELY left brain approach to go for notches, while not being interested in the quality of the relationship and sex.

The first video is an introduction video with animation, the second is a more in depth talk, and the third repeats information in the 2nd talk but goes into more depth. You can youtube Dr. Iain McGilchrist

In this third talk McGilchrist mentions that left brain music is only involved with beat, there is no harmony and melody.

I’ve often ridiculed hip-hop as lacking in harmony and melody. Amazing. I must assume that hip-hop is both adopted by and leads to left brain oriented people. Also I assume that modern society is heavily influenced by cocaine, meth, adderall and ritalin types of drugs, instead of the pot and lsd and heroin that influenced musicians in the ’60s and ’70s.

He also mentions that culture on the whole is becoming more left brained, and children are now needing to be taught how to recognize facial expressions – a right brained activity.

For me, not drifting into left brain seeming to be the driver of conciousness requires regular habit maintenance. The habits of meditation and chi-kung – especially when combined and practiced daily – have profound changes on how my mind works. Music and improvisation also seem to be making big changes. And I have to include now, only now just realizing it, the improv that happens when talking to my girlfriends – or fucking them. The sex of course can sometimes be a profound meditative bliss experience, or it can slip into something more banal and routine. But the verbal back and forth – I did not realize until now that this is also a type of poetry writing, or left-right integration that is heavily right brained.

Related: Thoughts about Krauser’s deliberately limited (and spergy) view towards women and relationship.

Why Qi-Gong is as important as the gym

A few thoughts about Chi-Kung/Qi-gong:

Chi-kung is a broad umbrella word that holds within it many different types of body centered meditations. It’s a thing the way “martial arts” are a thing.

I learned many styles, both moving and not moving. Not moving includes standing chi-kung, where you take a pose as if holding a tree, with your legs slightly bent, and also includes many sitting down types, such as the inner smile, or moving energy up your spine, over the top of your head, and back down the front into you lower belly area, then back around.

There are forms of chi-kung that look more like tai-chi, with some ritualized movements, however with chi-kung your focus is less on the dance like body movements, and more on internal energy.

To highlight the energy aspect, one type is where you hold your palms near each other, and feel a ball of energy there. From there you can wave your arms around in some different ritualized ways, and feel energy inside other parts of your body and even outside of your body – especially above your head and below your feet.

So with repeated practice, your mental map of your body image gets augmented, and you create phantom limbs, that are felt quite strongly, just as amputated limbs can be felt quite strongly. You learn to feel your chakras, and move energy around very consciously at any time; while watching a movie, or having a conversation, or while having sex.

This type of activity is a great example of the satisfactions that can only come from delayed gratification. While it is pleasurable, it’s also a discipline that is additive. Very similar to practicing a musical instrument, it requires maintenance and continued learning. If you don’t practice for even a few days, the sensations drop off. Regular daily practice will bring the sensations even into your sleep state.

Meditation is a great way to get out of the habit of being inside the left brained analytical ego-centric narrative. Just focus on anything other than your internal dialogue, and that’s meditation. Well, anything that isn’t also story-line based – so that rules out most entertainments. Focusing on the sound of a fan will expand you out of your narrative. Some people use the breath. I’m fond of the visual field as a relatively form-less meditation; just sit and be aware of the environment.

The advantage to chi-kung as a form of meditation includes of course expanding out from your narrative, which frees up a lot of attention to enable you to enjoy more of the present moment. But then it has other advantages that I respect so much that I very often mention it.

The most obvious and perhaps profound advantage is that it increases both sexual intensity plus sexual control. You can feel more energy in more of your body, and are even a great deal more sensitive to the cues and energies and emotions and vibes of your lover. You get much more embodied and present, but in a way that is not so much of just having feelings happen to you, in an out of control way, but also of participating in the feelings; you can move the energies around, in a great many ways; very much like playing music.

I don’t know what percentage of the population is able to strongly feel the kinesthetic sense and create and work with these phantom limbs. In the classes that I took, people naive to the idea very quickly felt chi between their hands and the practices made a lot of common body centered sense to them.

My life has been so incredibly enhanced by it, and it’s so integral to my life and personality and being, that of course I can’t imagine dealing with women as effectively without a very strong grounding in chi-kung. It’s very much a gigantic portion of how to communicate. How to connect. How to share love and space.

I have many interests in my life and am constantly studying about some newly discovered interest, be it about biology or science or music or history or whatever. But usually I limit the blog topics to be about increasing relationship skills.

Chi-kung is not exactly about relationship skills, yet, just like maximizing your body shape with diet and excercise, if you don’t take it seriously, you are not operating at your peak potential.

I’ve been fit for decades, and have consistently maintained a gym regimen, however these last 6 months or so have been more consistent, and fast regularly. So my body is looking a bit better. It doesn’t seem like a huge change to me, but I’m getting noticeably better treatment from strangers when I go out. I’m no longer sexual invisible, and in fact often blatantly not invisible. Indicators of Interest for a 52 year old guy don’t just happen from your location.

And indicators of interest also happen because of vibe, and vibe is of course influenced by your real lived day to day life and how happy and socio-sexually content you are.

So chi-kung is not only great for maintaining strong passionate love affairs, it’s also crucial to simply having a strong and positive stage presence.

Related: How meditation and chi-kung make you sexy

Update: One of my chi-kung teachers hypothesized that an increase in kundalini awakenings that started in the late 60s was influenced by the music of the day.

Listen to this:

Notice the high above your head feelings that are in harmony with the beats below your feet.

That is the essence of chi-kung; co-ordinating the whole body all at once. Feeling refinements that take deep concentration, then feeling other deeply refined bass lines. And more. Music and chi-kung are analogous and even intertwined.

These types of personal development of course bleed into interpersonal development.

Shorthand: if you do not talk about giving and receiving love, then you aren’t doing that. We talk about what is relevant to our lives. If you you are reading someone who rarely mentions love, no matter how much he mentions notches, love isn’t that relevant to his life. If that’s the case, he is not able to feel and give love.

True?

Comment.

 

Feeling your heart in someone else, and rolling down the road being the periphery

Jim said:

The Grandfather stage is where things begin to come together. Your insights become life changing. You now have the opportunity to live the command “Love others as yourself”. This is a very practical approach. As you are not “needy” your ego is not so much “in play”.

For myself with incurable cancer, I am finding this next step to be accepting the challenge of “Death is on the table”. Past that is the actual experience of dying.

Staring into the face of death is indeed transformative, and this has been somewhat studied and documented. Near death experiences and drugs that give analogous experiences increase the psychological trait of openness to new experiences.

And vice versa. Taking shrooms or ketamine or ibogaine can reduce the fear of death. I expect hospice caretakers to start to use psychedelics as routine quality of life enhancement.

For better or worse, I’ve stared down death more than a few times. And even now seem to stare it down every day as I’m of the opinion that I have early onset Alzheimer’s. Hoping new meds don’t get stuck in development and get FDA approved before it’s too late.

If I do get too demented in an irreversible way, some portion of me may be able to survive by restarting the neuroplastic phase of the brain*, but that would be like starting out as a stroke recovery victim, yet with much of the potential for learning of a newborn.

About grandpa love, and “being at your own funeral”, and how it’s an uneasy and slightly dissatisfying type of love, while at the same time very fulfilling and natural and the way it should be Shambala Awakened Society type of love:

When someone says hi to you on the street, that’s a serotonin boost of social visibility and importance. If you are famous more people will give you spontaneous attention and accolades, and up goes the serotonin.

But when you are swimming in a shared love space, that accolade doesn’t belong to you anymore.

It’s simply mutual celebration.

Does that make embodied sense to people? Is that your experience sometimes also?

For instance yesterday I was out in public again, doing two types of post-meditation.

1) Spatial awareness meditation. You know how sometimes when you are driving down a country rode, you let your mind relax and the scenery becomes vivid, and the periphery of the visual field becomes vivid as it passes by? You are totally IN the scenery. You aren’t daydreaming, you are visually embodied, in panoramic detail. So while walking in nature yesterday I kept trying to remind myself to let go of the daydreaming so that my limited attention could broaden into the visual field.

2) Loving kindness meditation. Love is an umbrella term that if you put a finger on melts away into a different meaning. But if we have an organ of perception for love, it’s in the heart chakra area. Sometimes that space feels quivery and quavery, a bit melancholic bitter sweet sad. Sometimes horrendously mournful. Sometimes it feels longing. Sometimes loving care. Sometimes shared warmth as communion. Sometimes shared happy sexual warmth. Even some ecstasy fits into the heart (though ecstacy is too energetic to remain bound in any one place). But that perceptual organ need not only be felt in the heart – you can feel it in your palm chakra, and if you like, between your palms in an energetic ball. Or even in your feet-palm chakras, and between those. And you can also imagine feeling it outside of your body, in the bodies of others. So you can feel/imagine (kinesthetically visualize – such that you genuinely FEEL as in feel as in really feel) that you have love between your palms and are touching love in the hearts of others as they pass by.

After doing this, some random guy who was not seeking monetary gain helped me out of my parking space by pulling the back of my motorcycle.

Coincidence? Sort of. My body language certainly must have been very socially open. If I were cranky and pissed off, doubtless he’d not have been so inspired to help.

But the social effect on me wasn’t of raising my rank. He reached out to help me, not because I was more of a King than him, but because I saw the King inside of him, and he therefore shared that knowledge with a wink and a helpful hand.

Awakened Shambala society.

It’s bitter sweet. Not really about building a legacy. Not really about seducing anyone to be under my spell. There is no social advantage in it. Not exactly.

There is the phrase “Zen mind, beginners mind”. It means that education is a lifestyle, not a life stage. It means that when you play the piano, you notice that there are dozens of different brain systems that work in concert, and you can focus the attention on any one of them. There is spacial awareness of seeing the hands and keys. There is muscle memory of learning static and moving patterns. There is the kinesthetic sense of being able to jump around the keyboard with your eyes closed. There is a weird and magical type of musical listening that is constantly wonders and is amazed that notes create meaning – and is forever interested in discovering new phrases and languages out of the notes and rhythms.

That last part of the mind is very close to the attitude of “Zen Mind, Beginners Mind”. It’s a two year old, sitting down for the first time at the piano. Until he’s 75 he’s still that two year old – still having no clue why any of it is there at all or why it means something, still marveling at discovering new languages and phrases.

I’m trying to get back to that again. I was a full time professional Buddhist in my early twenties. Lately I’ve been working to again make the post-meditation experience into meditation.

That’s what led to flipping the switch those few times. It wasn’t just time on the cushion. It was time as a tree planter. I did the “relax into the moving scenery” trick, while tree planting, and eventually the scenery became so vivid that it occluded the silly idea that I was looking at it. It was looking at me. Awareness became self aware. The silly idea of a bottleneck to directed attention called the ego was obviously no longer an accurate description. Things were far too vivid for that. And sometimes awareness would expand greatly – especially in twilight sleep, during times when the ego relaxed more.

Some people get similar experiences for brief peak experiences from psychedelics. But such peak experiences happen for many other spontaneous reasons too.

Formative year experiences get myelin coated, that’s why we always prefer the music we heard as teenagers. Lucky for me at that time I was very consciously working on the heart chakra. So that helps me to become an expert in love, as I’ve tried very hard to have a sensitive love perceiving organ.

And then in my early twenties, at the very edge of my developmental window, I was sometimes in full time “scenery” mode.

So sometimes I can snap back into scenery mode.

And now I think, for many reasons, I’m in a better position to grow into grandpa love mode.

Again, I’m not terribly happy about it. It feels like admitting that I’m no longer in the fight. That I’m on the sidelines.

But it also feels as if it’s a world that’s been waiting for me all along, wondering what took me so long.

* Perhaps a bit more complicated a feat to accomplish without causing insanity than learning how to enable the body to regrow limbs – but in theory it’s possible. Artificial Intelligence and quantum computing most likely will make it possible, through massively parallel multi-variable modelling. And if we can restart brain development, in theory there is no reason why we can’t add an acrylic dome to our scalp for room to grow, and for some new fangled off the shelf biological brainware modules.

A new life stage? Grandpa love

A friend recently asked me if I do any compassion related meditation exercises. I mentioned how a few days ago while at the gym I tried to feel love in my heart and connect to everyone in the gym. That wasn’t what he meant.

But I did something similar while in public yesterday. I felt chi and love between my palms resting on my crossed legs, and felt love connected to people as they walked by. Later as I strode home a few people spontaneously said hello to me. Later as I walked into the gym a girl beside her girlfriend said hi, as she was walking out. Strangers.

That never happens to me.

Unfortunately for my energy to be conducive to this, I go into a grandpa love type of place.

Totally non needy.

They say that you can’t be at your own funeral. It’s like that. To get that high serotonin, it’s not from a place where I really need that serotonin. I’m giving love, but not in a “I want to fuck you and need to be fucked” way.

Grandpa love. Probably a new life stage for me. I’m not totally happy about it.

But I kept up the practice throughout my gym workout. Later gave a girl who I used to think was snooty towards me a compliment on the way out the door, and she melted into a grateful smile.

Post-meditation meditation can be a real form of meditation. It doesn’t all have to be quiet and focused. And this type of loving kindness meditation can work well in crowds and public.