J25 had been acting progressivly more cranky for a few weeks, and was also getting a bit less responsive in bed. As was I, I admit. So I told her that I had noticed both things, and that we could not keep going on like that – totally unacceptable, and that it was largely my fault, because I’d let my belly go to pot.

Then I went to my other location and wouldn’t see her for several days. I think I made three full days on a water diet, but it might have been two full days and an evening meal on the third. Either way I’m still doing intermittent fasting – one day to eat and hit the gym, and the next day no food at all.

It was really embarrassing how far I’d let things slide. Even after over five 24 hour periods of no food, and one chicken with rice on three food days, I’ve still got a belly I’m not happy flashing around on the beach. And my arms and chest are at the lowest they’ve been in … what … 8 years? 10?

That’s what getting complacent will do to ya. Ruin your own body, and ruin your own relationship.

Man, so easy to slide.

Needless to say the fear of Dog was put into the little girl, and when I let her see me after some days she gave me her best possible fucking effort, and a very satisfying effort it was. She’s actually a bit extra clingy now – a little annoying really – but curling the paper in reverse for a while is better than letting it harden into a tube.

In other news, I think I’ve found a new direction in life and business. I kept trying and trying to motivate myself to fix old reliable and very workable businesses, but I just. could. not. get myself to do it.

Day after day I would promise myself, this will be the day I do the work. I know exactly what to do. It’s easy. I can even very easily tell others what to do.

But I’ve got these mental blocks that refuse to allow myself even to follow up on directing others work.

Over a year of that is a serious fucking issue. It must really mean it’s time to move on from that. My hearts not in it.

So I found what my heart is in, and will build a new business based on that.

I’m pretty stocked about it. I think I’ve thought it through well enough that this can be a life’s and a retirements passion – a wave to surf right to the end.

*******

A few thoughts about dieting.  I have three ex girlfriends who have put on weight and can’t or won’t get it back off again.  Always nothing but talk, and aborted efforts at intermittent fad dieting.

Losing weight is really quite simple, and can be done very quickly.  A very simple diet plan.

Don’t eat.

That’s it.  That’s the whole book.  It’s the title of the book, and what’s in between the covers.  Don’t eat food.

When you know that you are not going to eat food, you don’t get hungry.  Just like when you choose to not masturbate for a month, and stay away from triggers that arouse you beyond your will-power, it’s quite easy.  Once you make that choice, your body knows, and doesn’t bother you about it.

It’s the exact same thing for mosquito bites.  No one ever believes me about that one, but for most species of mosquito it’s true.  The small asian ones that give a painful bite leave a pain that lasts minutes, but it doesn’t actually make you want to scratch it, once you simply KNOW that you are not going to.  When you KNOW you are not going to scratch, your brain leaves you the fuck alone about it, and doesn’t bother to get into a big argument with you.

It’s when you are unsure if you have the willpower or not that you get these big long drawn out inner arguments about if the hand is going to move or not.

Fasting is the same thing.  You don’t actually even feel hungry.  Two full days no food, I was not hungry.  No lie.  It’s only when I start to contemplate when I’ll end the fast, that the gastric juices activate in anticipation.

Also when fasting I don’t let J eat in front of me.  I don’t want anything to activate my salivary glands.  No triggers, no hunger.  Really, it’s that simple.  Not rocket science.  Want to lose weight?  Don’t eat food.

I don’t have perfect or even above average willpower.  I’m a god damned alcoholic who still hasn’t figured out how to handle a drink.  But I do know one simple trick – if you fall down, just get back up again.

It’s not rocket science.  We can all do it.

Body out of shape?  Ok, fine, so you fell down.  We all do.  Stop eating for a while.  Or eat only after 8pm every day until you like what you see in the mirror.

Just get back up again.

Drinking too much?  Oh, that again.  Ok, so you fucked up.  You might not be able to unfuck a fuck, but you can just stop the fuckery.  For a while, at least.

Even if your think that your willpower is shot, due to some addiction or another, you might discover that it’s not really – you just need to re-discover your ability to stand up again.  It’s a bit of a different circuit than day to day willpower.  It’s just a decision you make all at once.  Then the inner argument is over.  A cheat to make it easier is to make an inner bargain to not do something for x amount of time.  Once you SEE that you can actually do it, then the next time you KNOW that you can actually do it.  Then you KNOW that there won’t be any inner argument about it.  It’s called making a decision, and it’s a different mental circuit than not reaching for a smoke when you are in the mood, or not taking an extra doughnut.

Standing back up again isn’t all that hard.

And frankly once I had my 3 times a week gym discipline set up, it was easy too.  I don’t know how I let that slide.  I used to be really stringent about it.  That’s got to be a decision again – no back talk.

Advertisements