J25 had been acting progressivly more cranky for a few weeks, and was also getting a bit less responsive in bed. As was I, I admit. So I told her that I had noticed both things, and that we could not keep going on like that – totally unacceptable, and that it was largely my fault, because I’d let my belly go to pot.
Then I went to my other location and wouldn’t see her for several days. I think I made three full days on a water diet, but it might have been two full days and an evening meal on the third. Either way I’m still doing intermittent fasting – one day to eat and hit the gym, and the next day no food at all.
It was really embarrassing how far I’d let things slide. Even after over five 24 hour periods of no food, and one chicken with rice on three food days, I’ve still got a belly I’m not happy flashing around on the beach. And my arms and chest are at the lowest they’ve been in … what … 8 years? 10?
That’s what getting complacent will do to ya. Ruin your own body, and ruin your own relationship.
Man, so easy to slide.
Needless to say the fear of Dog was put into the little girl, and when I let her see me after some days she gave me her best possible fucking effort, and a very satisfying effort it was. She’s actually a bit extra clingy now – a little annoying really – but curling the paper in reverse for a while is better than letting it harden into a tube.
In other news, I think I’ve found a new direction in life and business. I kept trying and trying to motivate myself to fix old reliable and very workable businesses, but I just. could. not. get myself to do it.
Day after day I would promise myself, this will be the day I do the work. I know exactly what to do. It’s easy. I can even very easily tell others what to do.
But I’ve got these mental blocks that refuse to allow myself even to follow up on directing others work.
Over a year of that is a serious fucking issue. It must really mean it’s time to move on from that. My hearts not in it.
So I found what my heart is in, and will build a new business based on that.
I’m pretty stocked about it. I think I’ve thought it through well enough that this can be a life’s and a retirements passion – a wave to surf right to the end.
*******
A few thoughts about dieting. I have three ex girlfriends who have put on weight and can’t or won’t get it back off again. Always nothing but talk, and aborted efforts at intermittent fad dieting.
Losing weight is really quite simple, and can be done very quickly. A very simple diet plan.
Don’t eat.
That’s it. That’s the whole book. It’s the title of the book, and what’s in between the covers. Don’t eat food.
When you know that you are not going to eat food, you don’t get hungry. Just like when you choose to not masturbate for a month, and stay away from triggers that arouse you beyond your will-power, it’s quite easy. Once you make that choice, your body knows, and doesn’t bother you about it.
It’s the exact same thing for mosquito bites. No one ever believes me about that one, but for most species of mosquito it’s true. The small asian ones that give a painful bite leave a pain that lasts minutes, but it doesn’t actually make you want to scratch it, once you simply KNOW that you are not going to. When you KNOW you are not going to scratch, your brain leaves you the fuck alone about it, and doesn’t bother to get into a big argument with you.
It’s when you are unsure if you have the willpower or not that you get these big long drawn out inner arguments about if the hand is going to move or not.
Fasting is the same thing. You don’t actually even feel hungry. Two full days no food, I was not hungry. No lie. It’s only when I start to contemplate when I’ll end the fast, that the gastric juices activate in anticipation.
Also when fasting I don’t let J eat in front of me. I don’t want anything to activate my salivary glands. No triggers, no hunger. Really, it’s that simple. Not rocket science. Want to lose weight? Don’t eat food.
I don’t have perfect or even above average willpower. I’m a god damned alcoholic who still hasn’t figured out how to handle a drink. But I do know one simple trick – if you fall down, just get back up again.
It’s not rocket science. We can all do it.
Body out of shape? Ok, fine, so you fell down. We all do. Stop eating for a while. Or eat only after 8pm every day until you like what you see in the mirror.
Just get back up again.
Drinking too much? Oh, that again. Ok, so you fucked up. You might not be able to unfuck a fuck, but you can just stop the fuckery. For a while, at least.
Even if your think that your willpower is shot, due to some addiction or another, you might discover that it’s not really – you just need to re-discover your ability to stand up again. It’s a bit of a different circuit than day to day willpower. It’s just a decision you make all at once. Then the inner argument is over. A cheat to make it easier is to make an inner bargain to not do something for x amount of time. Once you SEE that you can actually do it, then the next time you KNOW that you can actually do it. Then you KNOW that there won’t be any inner argument about it. It’s called making a decision, and it’s a different mental circuit than not reaching for a smoke when you are in the mood, or not taking an extra doughnut.
Standing back up again isn’t all that hard.
And frankly once I had my 3 times a week gym discipline set up, it was easy too. I don’t know how I let that slide. I used to be really stringent about it. That’s got to be a decision again – no back talk.
Random Xpat Rantings 
You are getting older. It gets harder (ie more work) to maintain a fit body
I’m going to toy with that insight/model of separate, multiple circuits relating to willpower, decision making, and follow through.
“…curling the paper in reverse for a while is better than letting it harden into a tube” is a great turn of phrase.
I’ve missed your writing.
It’s slow going, but steady and noticeable. I really like this one day eat as I please (focusing on high protein and some veg) on gym day, and the next day fast method.
It’s surprising how not difficult it is. A few times a day on fast days it’s slightly annoying. It’s the morning after a fast day and hand on heart I’m not feeling hunger right now. And that means about 24+8=32 hours since last eating, if I ate just before sleeping on gym day. I was productive right into the late evening last night, and had no problems sleeping. Again; not troubled by hunger.
I find drinking boulion helps on fast days; I guess the body needs the salt, and it’s strangely satiating; in a fasty kind of way. I hadn’t thought of it until day three of not eating at the initial shock-start to the fast, and wow did my body ever appreciate the salt!
There is a noticeable difference between how much fat I could grab, slouched over on the can yesterday morning, than how much I could grab today. The belly is within normalish range now, and it’s not going to take much longer at this rate until any hint of a protrusion is dialed to within exactly any spec of my choice.
Really easy, really efficient way to diet. I’m lovin the method, and the results.
For me I had results within decent range for both the belly and my muscles of two weeks.
I’d guess that pretty well most any fat fuck could get himself looking decent within two months.
So,
I guess that means no excuses then.
It’s really not hard. No, really – I’m not just saying that. It’s totally doable. And what a difference it makes!
I feel SO much more sexy in bed now, and feel so much more deserving. It’s not easy to keep an attractive girl in her prime, especially at my age, height, and facial symmetry. I’ve no choice but to maximize my body, as well as anything else I can. And that, plus the everything else part, is making a huge difference to how the girl is treating me. She’s taken up a new hobby, and is very eager, focused, and attentive at praticing it. It’s getting in the way of my work, but I don’t want to get in the way of her hobby. She’s into giving head now. I guess we all need a hobby.
I’ve got a new hobby too. I’ve got a new 7 string hollow body jass guitar, and have it hooked up via usb to the computer for software effects, and from there it goes to the stereo amp. It sounds great, and it’s really quite amazing to me just how much faster I’m learning to play music on it than I could since about 5 years ago when I last used to dick around on a guitar. It’s because of the piano playing. The fingers have a new intelligence now. It’s almost shocking. I had no idea that the musical ability in the fingers could transfer over like that.
I’ve got a tenor sax on the way.
So that will be piano, guitar, and tenor sax. Later I’ll add few more instruments, such as chromatic mouth harp, tenor flute, and a large bass cello. But the trio of guitar, piano, and sax is fucking awesome to get and keep a girls attention.
Again; really easy. All I did was dick around on the piano, at my own pace, with no lessons, no structured learning. Never played when I didn’t want to. Never pushed myself. Year after year after year, pure improv plus learning a few songs that caught my attention led to some actual musical ability. And that makes a huge difference in overall attractiveness, which is fucking important if I like blowjobs and sex. Which I do.
Best money I ever spent was the 4 grand on a Yamaha Clavinova electric piano. When it comes to musical instruments, get value for money, but get value. Get a good one. You’ll play more because you’ll sound way better. I bought two cheap ass guitars – one electric and one acoustic – before importing my 7 string jazz from China. The $100 guitars are kids toys compared to the $500 import. It’s a very different experience between playing them, and as you can imagine I’m much more inspired to play the good instrument.
And the $700 yamaha keyboard I had before springing for the clavinova is also like a kids toy in comparison. I suppose the difference might be between fucking a fat fugly vs fucking a hottie? Both can seem good enough in the moment, but you’re going to want to fuck that hottie more often, and overall get a hell of a lot more pleasure from her. Especially for public performances.
A good instrument feels like an entity – like a living entity. You entwine with it, talk to it it, breath with it and discover with it. It’s a being. It makes a really big deal and difference to get a good being.
I’m also meditating and doing chi-kung in the sunshine every morning. I’d gotten in the crazy habit of frequently orgasming, as well as getting very fat and out of shape and drinking too much.
It was an incredible slide, and now it’s zero to hero time.
I feel so much better! Fasting is having a very positive effect on my chronic stomach inflamation. I wake up in the morning with no stomach pain. Amazing. Haven’t felt this good in ages.
Another benefit of fasting is simply knowing that I can. And knowing that I can easily, with very little inconvenience.
I don’t want to be that guy who is too soft to go in the swimming pool because it’s cold at first. I want to be that guy who can handle a little bit of inconvenience from time to time. I’m not so much into being tough that I take cold showers though; I do when there is no hot water heater, which is common in low rent places locals use, and I can go a year without a hot water heater, but if it’s there, personally I use it for the intended purpose. Fine – I’m soft that way. That’s where I’m at in that balance. Comfort is good, but avoiding discomfort when it’s required is kinda pussy, and I don’t want to be on that side of the pussy curve.
Meditating at first is a bit uncomfortable. So is fasting, chi-kung, not coming, working out, not drinking. After it becomes routine it not only gets easier, but pleasure is found in it. And the rewards are slow and cumulative. Baseline wellness after the mildly annoying habits are routine and have been practiced for several months is far above baseline happiness when eating and drinking and doing whatever you like.
I can’t much even feel the chi-kung unless I do it dayly for a good few weeks, and if I don’t deepen the chi-kung with alternating with shamata vipassana, for one or three hours a day, I rarely feel it VERY strongly.
It’s the same for the sitting quietly. It can take a few weeks before I really quiet down. I don’t push myself or struggle about it; I’m not in a huge hurry to have a quiet mind. I don’t really try to meditate; not much. But after a few weeks, I’m meditating. It makes quite a difference to the morning, and eventually bleeds into dreams. Everything gets more colorful and panoramic.
And the chi-kung makes it so that I don’t have to come if I don’t want to. So I haven’t in two weeks. And not coming of course makes me not only have more stamina, but in the long run, combined with chi-kung and shamata-vipassana meditation, also means the base level of contentment, joy, and love increases.
J and I always role play – every day. Very often she’s a random neighbor from next door who wants to fuck me, as long as my wife isn’t too close by. We don’t risk any bed death. I had really really fucked up, listening to her “I love you so much, marry me, never leave me” over and over day after day. I got soft.
You can’t do that. It’s got to be seducing the girl from day one, every day.
I’ve got to actually be worth it. Not just because we’re already together and inertia. I’ve got to be worth it compared to the next guy, if she were choosing for the first time.