Some memes I’ve helped destroy:
1) everything boils down to confidence, from Heartiste
2) alpha fucks and beta bucks, from Rollo
3) stages of mating, from Rollo
4) pump and dump the bitches, from Rooshvforum
Some memes I’ve helped to create and foster
1) romantic red pill
2) your woman isn’t merely vetted and found ready to go off the shelf, she’s created through your training her
3) RooshV and many of his acolytes lean towards Cluster C paranoid/schizoid avoidant attachment style.
Some seeming insights into female nature and male/female dynamics look good on paper, and feel about right, but are too surface to be widely applicable. What happens is that people mistake the surface for the depth.
1) Without a great deal of lived personal experience, you are not going to “know” what confidence is. That will be an abstraction to you. Confidence is NOT a mindset. You can’t create it by yourself. It’s what grows organically out of genuine reference experiences, and absolutely requires real life social feedbacks.
Therefore fake it until you make it is too surface, and likely will do you no good. * The only good it can do is to get you to power through stressful and difficult social situations, until you gain the real life reference experiences in which you are getting real positive feedback, over and over until you know how you are getting that feedback and can repeat it. You might not even know consciously how to get and repeat it, but your social muscle memory will know. Just as you might not know how your golf or tennis swing improves.
Here is a tweet that I found too surface.
Inner game is important Outer game is important Leading is important Fun is important Teasing is important Good style is important Strong eye contract is important But you wanna know THE MOST IMPORTANT thing? You can’t want the sex more than she does https://web.archive.org/web/20100804011101/http://www.realassanova.com/2010/07/real-secret-to-attraction.html
And my responses:
For LTRs, a girls sexuality may be underdeveloped, in which case your higher libido will slowly act to train and wake her up. You still have hand from a position of greater libido.
But of course for big disparities the man will want other women on tap. Many cold fish women ripen within one or two years to become full out superstar addicts.
Sometimes a man’s strong desire is what ignites a womans desire. So wanting her less is a mis-read of the fundamental of not being needy. You can want her more – it’s fine. Just don’t be needy.
This is really subtle and tricky. How can you possibly maintain high passionate on fire lusty appreciation and physical desire for a little hottie, and yet not be needy?
That’s a real Zen koan right there.
You can’t resolve that within your left analytical brain, nor do you need to even try. That is ONLY resolved within real lived social experience. It’s not an aha moment. It’s not a math question you learn and repeat and get a diploma for mastering. It’s not a text message shit test from a girl that you can memorize the top five best answers for. That’s embodied physical social reality, that you have to grow. Real neurons have to get really re-wired, within social situations, until who you are changes. It’s not knowledge, it’s being.
Here is another tweet that could easily be misconstrued in a too surface way:
Women love psychopaths because extreme men are infinitely, endlessly exciting
Women live for feeling
Whether this makes “logical” sense is irrelevant
When your existence is characterized by experiential sensation and emotion, you are drawn to what makes you feel the most
Good insight; tease out the real value and discard the completely unnecessary dark triad. You can have low conflict high drama win win – lean in to artistic wild side.
Again, the surface interpretation can seem just a one degree angle away from the true path, but after 100 miles, 1 degree will lead you desparately, hopelessly astray.
We can examine each dark triad trait to see how it is suboptimal. I’ve done that in other posts so I won’t repeat that here.
There is no need to keep things at a 101 or kindergarden level forever. We want an optimal, high end, solution. We want more than to be treated as an Alpha, we want more than Mastery, we want and can have Wizardry.
I’ll explain more about Wizardry in future posts.
* If you try to fake confidence, you will immediately lose confidence. Because you are no longer comfortable being uncomfortable.
It’s perfectly fine to be very shy and nervous. I remember a first date where I was on the bed with a teenage hottie, feeling very nervous looking at her beauty-queen face from my late-forties fugly face, and I kept telling the girl over and over how nervous I was. **
Because it’s authentic.
You can just use whatever is there, on the spot, to be real, and as fuel to connect.
If I tried to fake something, who would connect with her?
It’s the connecting with each other that makes each other feel good. Feel nourished. Feel appreciated. More complete. Less alone.
As soon as you feel so uncomfortable with your inadequacies that you need to ex-communicate them, you’ve already lost the game. Dig out another quarter from your pocket, because even if it seems you are still playing, you’re not. You’re mistaking the guy on the other joystick with your self. Put the quarter in the game, and get your real authentic self on the joystick, and stick to that one joystick. It’s all you need.
** The teenager did have sex with me, after a lot of fun playful resistance, and a few days later asked if she could leave her city and move in with me. I was infatuated with her enough that I would have knocked her up and married her, but her sister told her to leave me because I was too ugly and to stay with her current fiance. If I had only had the facelift and wig before I’d met her, I may have gone down a divergent path.