XBTUSD said:

I’m curious how you balance a deeper understanding of the world, with having conversations with people who have a more surface level understanding of the world without losing respect and/or interest in talking with people. Obviously one could have bullshit surface conversations which can be fun in certain contexts, but for me really feeling a connection to someone requires going a bit deeper.

I have little to add to Redquests response, but I’m in the mood to chatter.

I also can find it difficult and unsatisfying to be thwarted by a bullshit surface conversation.

Redquest points out that there are underlying and deeper motives below peoples words and philosophies. It can be difficult to let go of the surface and deal with that, or just completely ignore the surface and change the subject to another deeper thing, such as fucking the girl.

When I moved to SEA, it took at least 5 years to adapt to not trying to hold deep conversations with women.

As TRQ says, use books, or perhaps other men, for that.

It’s a difficult transition to make, but there are surprising benefits. It can be, paradoxically, more satisfying and more deep, to limit yourself to connecting as deeply as possible, WITHOUT philosophy. WITHOUT high concept. Even at the mime level, at times. It’s a strange paradox, that I haven’t really tried to put into words, and am not sure if I could.

But I intuit that it’s a flawed mindset to assume that deep connections get deeper through intellectual connection, or that intellectual connection is required for a deep connection. I think now that’s more of an addiction than a need.

Many of us are sapio-sexual, and get more turned on by smart girls. I think that has to do with liking large breasts. Evolution noticed that smart girls make smarter babies which in turn are more likely to make surviving grandchildren.

On the surface, we assume that we just like to connect at a deeper level. But the genes are pulling the strings, and just find that girls brain to be similar to big firm high and bouncy titties. So when evaluating how serious we want to be with the kid*, we probe and test her mind. Fair enough. Just don’t mistake agreement or education or belief system or mind-training with good enough brain-genes.

As for emotional connection, you don’t need high concept for that. In fact, if you rely on that, I’d consider that a crutch. If you can’t get out of concept, you can’t really connect well. I think it can be good for a man’s personal and social development to be forced to connect without high concept. I think, like me, that eventually you’ll be quite surprised to learn that what remains is the meatier and more interesting and more valuable portion of what relationship and connection is all about.

Very often we use concepts as shields and distractions and weapons to fight DIFFERENT battles than we think we are fighting. Most verbal battles with women are not at all about what the words say they are about. Not about ordering the cutlery in the dishwasher. Not about philosophical nuance. A woman also has underlying emotions that often drive her words; men do too. As these are usually not available to our introspection and we most often can’t see what drives us, stripping away the concepts altogether makes things much simpler so that you CAN see the fundamentals.

After dealing with mostly fundamentals, you earn a MUCH clearer and cleaner picture of what the fundamentals of relationship are, and how to deal with them in a fun and fulfilling and healthy manner.

This is also another reason I think that all humans should spend some part of their learning teen years, when their brain is still most neuroplastic, babysitting. Dealing well with children is an essential skill for dealing well with adults. It’s surprisingly NOT important what the conversation is about. It’s more important how you have that conversation, meaning, you don’t even have to have any particular one, nearly every time.

* To a guy near my age, anyone under 25 is basically still a kid. Paradoxically I think young adulthood begins in teen years, and you have to take young people seriously, and can learn from them.