You don’t need intellectual connection with a girl; you might just be addicted.

XBTUSD said:

I’m curious how you balance a deeper understanding of the world, with having conversations with people who have a more surface level understanding of the world without losing respect and/or interest in talking with people. Obviously one could have bullshit surface conversations which can be fun in certain contexts, but for me really feeling a connection to someone requires going a bit deeper.

I have little to add to Redquests response, but I’m in the mood to chatter.

I also can find it difficult and unsatisfying to be thwarted by a bullshit surface conversation.

Redquest points out that there are underlying and deeper motives below peoples words and philosophies. It can be difficult to let go of the surface and deal with that, or just completely ignore the surface and change the subject to another deeper thing, such as fucking the girl.

When I moved to SEA, it took at least 5 years to adapt to not trying to hold deep conversations with women.

As TRQ says, use books, or perhaps other men, for that.

It’s a difficult transition to make, but there are surprising benefits. It can be, paradoxically, more satisfying and more deep, to limit yourself to connecting as deeply as possible, WITHOUT philosophy. WITHOUT high concept. Even at the mime level, at times. It’s a strange paradox, that I haven’t really tried to put into words, and am not sure if I could.

But I intuit that it’s a flawed mindset to assume that deep connections get deeper through intellectual connection, or that intellectual connection is required for a deep connection. I think now that’s more of an addiction than a need.

***
Many of us are sapio-sexual, and get more turned on by smart girls. I think that has to do with liking large breasts. Evolution noticed that smart girls make smarter babies which in turn are more likely to make surviving grandchildren.

On the surface, we assume that we just like to connect at a deeper level. But the genes are pulling the strings, and just find that girls brain to be similar to big firm high and bouncy titties. So when evaluating how serious we want to be with the kid*, we probe and test her mind. Fair enough. Just don’t mistake agreement or education or belief system or mind-training with good enough brain-genes.

As for emotional connection, you don’t need high concept for that. In fact, if you rely on that, I’d consider that a crutch. If you can’t get out of concept, you can’t really connect well. I think it can be good for a man’s personal and social development to be forced to connect without high concept. I think, like me, that eventually you’ll be quite surprised to learn that what remains is the meatier and more interesting and more valuable portion of what relationship and connection is all about.

Very often we use concepts as shields and distractions and weapons to fight DIFFERENT battles than we think we are fighting. Most verbal battles with women are not at all about what the words say they are about. Not about ordering the cutlery in the dishwasher. Not about philosophical nuance. A woman also has underlying emotions that often drive her words; men do too. As these are usually not available to our introspection and we most often can’t see what drives us, stripping away the concepts altogether makes things much simpler so that you CAN see the fundamentals.

After dealing with mostly fundamentals, you earn a MUCH clearer and cleaner picture of what the fundamentals of relationship are, and how to deal with them in a fun and fulfilling and healthy manner.

This is also another reason I think that all humans should spend some part of their learning teen years, when their brain is still most neuroplastic, babysitting. Dealing well with children is an essential skill for dealing well with adults. It’s surprisingly NOT important what the conversation is about. It’s more important how you have that conversation, meaning, you don’t even have to have any particular one, nearly every time.

* To a guy near my age, anyone under 25 is basically still a kid. Paradoxically I think young adulthood begins in teen years, and you have to take young people seriously, and can learn from them.

If you expect her to stay with once a week sex, I suggest you examine the importance of high libido.

AuraTaxonomist said:

need to find a new way to exhort “nofap + meditation” to my bros that doesn’t sound like
a) e-book merchant who read part of Man-tak Chia’s book once

b) fake “esoteric” account that just says random shit

Try using the term “micro-expressions”, and ask them to remember a girl who exuded very strong physical sexual presence.

***
I don’t believe that the Blackdragon style of dating strategy is realistic or practical. Females have been around since we’ve been monkeys, and have evolved very strong patterns. You can’t just see a girl once a week and expect anything stable.

Midlife Moves said:

Your conditioning tells you to work towards living with a woman.
I’m here to say you don’t have to.

She can stop over once a week; twice if you really like her.

The rest of the week is for you; work, gym, hobbies, etc.

I’ve just saved you a fortune and a lifetime of misery.

You’ll need to constantly be finding new girls if that is your strategy. If the girl is satisfied with sex once or twice a week, it’s not that addicting to her, therefore low interest, therefore flight risk.

I had a tall and handsome buddy who played the sax at local clubs like a pro, and was the captain of the local soccer team. He told me his super hot girl broke with him, then said he only saw her once a week or two. I said “Duh, of course she needs more sex!” Friendship ended.

You can’t tell people what they don’t want to hear. He wanted to hear that his girl was a stupid slut. Not that there was something wrong with him for not working on his libido and sex and relationship skills.

Sure, she was one the hottest girls in the city. But you are not winning any contests only seeing her once a week! That’s as temporary as a fart in a breeze. Unless you’re paying. Or she’s married and you live next door.

Sex is never decoupled from the emotions that go along with baby making. That so called slut will fall in love with a guy different than the other 300. That virgin will act slutty just like the best porn show for that man who makes her babymaker itch.

If she isn’t so into you that she wants a baby WITH you, then she’s either already married, or she’s toying around until some other guy awakens her baby maker. An awake woman will want very very very frequent baby making.

Some girls say they’ve never really felt that. Until they DO. She’s not going to stick around for tepid, even if she’s only ever had and expects nothing more than tepid. Tepid is no glue. She’ll get happy wander feet.

Once a girl has activated her sex drive, she needs sex. If she’s gettin it on the side, that makes a “relationship” less stable.

Some girls can go long stretches without sex. But the nature of their sex drive changes once their motor is running. Then they become more like a dude, and need it when they need it. So either you have activated her sexuality and she’s often aroused and horny, and therefore a risk to seek dick more than the once per week you’ve alloted her, or you have NOT awoken her sex drive, therefore she’s likely to keep looking for someone who will.

Guys don’t talk about it much. Can be very very defensive too. But I can’t see the point about talking about meeting girls and dating without talking about stamina, staying power, and recover time also. The average fucking time is under 10 minutes. It’s a crying shame. Most girls are unfulfilled. Tragic.

There have been some studies that show that women judge men based on sexual performance; it’s a fitness signal.

A girl will say that she was really into that guy at the bar until he opened his mouth. Similar happens in bed. What you say is a test of your fuckable fitness and will score towards how much she’ll be into you. So is how you actually fuck. AFTER fucking a girl also evaluates a guy. You don’t get to put a notch into the bedpost until after you’ve fucked the girl at least 3 times. That should go without saying, but unfortunately it doesn’t.

And the really really weird thing, to me, is that it’s completely useless to clue guys in. They just get angry hearing about it. So very very strange.

Update: Midnight Moves says:

 I’m not reading that. But it’s like that other guy said: I think you’ve just written a blog post about how bad at sex you are.

The expected dissimulation and deflection and projection from Mr. Midnight. Makes a guy want to both laugh and cry. It will be impossible for Midnight to examine if his strategy has weaknesses, or if there are perhaps more fundamental personal weaknesses that are MAKING him adopt that strategy in the first place.

You can’t even lead a horse to water nowadays. They’ll accuse the school of hurting their feelings and demanding the head of the teacher. Weak ego’s can come from overprotective parents, or not enough parents, or not enough competition in general.
*******************
Chances are close to certain that your grandpa had much higher testosterone than you do. Levels have been declining non-stop and hugely for generations. People coincidentally fuck MUCH less nowadays. LTR difficulties may be largely libido related.
Yes, testosterone values rise and fall depending on social circumstances, but also environmental chemicals, such as plasticizers and soy, can be very detrimental, and are.

Big generational and cultural changes. I suspect less testosterone levels in the womb affecting development, plus soy and plastics during childhood affecting development, plus behavior in adulthood, social media phones, Aderal and stims, but also music plays big part. If you grew up with this you become this:

If you suspect you will eventually settle down, start having LTRs and MLTRs in preparation.

Long term men’s blog readers will know of the trend for manosphere bloggers to fall off the map, never to be heard from again.

Some writers make a public announcement of a change of direction. It’s usually either that they have settled down in a pair bond, or are planning to.

Some are aware of how they’ve hamstrung their own efforts at pair bonding by building up frames of reference and habits that are at odds with the venture.

These memes are superfluous and outright detrimental even to casual dating and even to pump and dump. Memes such as fake it until you make it, irrational self confidence, confidence is king, and alpha fucks and beta bucks are all detrimental to dating, and severely detrimental to mating.

I’ve been trying for years to talk not only about dominance, but dominance within a framework of emotional sensitivity. They go hand in hand. Lately I’ve also been talking more about improvisation, and right brained whole body authentic in the moment presence.

So I really don’t know how guys who have been careless with their memes are going to transition into having a live in partner.

When you practice picking up girls, you are practicing a certain skill set.

When you live with someone, the skill set is overlapping, but distinct. There is a Venn diagram of skill sets.

So if you plan to eventually mate, I’d suggest that you not only practice dating, but also practice long term relationships, and practice living together.

I’d be hard pressed to count the number of women that I’ve lived with in the past. * And as I’ve also dated multiple women concurrently, in a loving pair bonded way for most of them, I’ve had practice in the pair bonding related skill sets for decades, and a lot of it.

If you want to be good at something, it helps to practice it. There are different types of relationships, and if you are practicing one type, it does not follow that you will be good at a different type.

But my contention is and has always been that it’s stupid and insane to make a false dichotomy and distinction between being the fun guy and being the provider.

Intimacy without commitment happens always – even during long term monogamous living together. It’s always day by day, no strings attached. It’s always fun. It’s always intimate. There is never any box or separation.

You fuck her every day as if you’d just met. And role play as if you are both little sluts. And bond and laugh as if you accept each others inner little whore. And be good to each other like best friends. It’s not a bunch of different rooms, it’s all one house with many rooms in it – all doors open and unlocked.

* Counting in my head I got 8, then on paper I remembered 11 girls that I have lived with full time.  Many more girls who would visit and sleep over most nights were not counted in the 11.

Stages of mating applies only to a small percentage of a small niche of over-educated feminists.

Most of the most common red pill memes are more wrong than right. It’s become the blind leading the blind, with people parroting facile hand waving generalities that barely correspond to what they see with their own eyes.

And that have no clue of what is on the other side of the fence. No clue about a frame of reference that isn’t a beta frame of reference. No clue about that it’s a real option to be treated with passionate loving attention long term by a woman who maintains acquisitive mode, even while supporting a woman or living together.

This is a very DELIBERATE cluelessness. It’s clueless for two simple reasons.

1) Pua’s rationalize their lifestyle by turning it into superhero status. They choose to believe that women actually aren’t sexually interested in boyfriends. They only get really hot for pump and dumpers.
2) Guys who are not being treated as “Chads” are bitter and angry and want to maintain an attitude of sour grapes. They NEED to believe that the grapes are not attainable, and that the grapes don’t exist. Women are just shit, end of story.

Magnum said:

Women over 26 years old or so push for monogamy. Women in their sexual prime (18-24 or so) actually prefer to keep their options open. Even the older ones get bored of monogamy after 2-3 years and either cheat when a worthwhile opportunity comes up, or they lose sexual interest in their monogamous partner (or both).

You can offset this tendency by not living with a woman and keeping the relationship open, and avoiding legal marriage so she knows you can leave when you want.

It’s just how women are biologically wired to endure genetic diversity of their limited number of offspring. It’s not something to be upset about, but rather to accept and plan your actions around accordingly.

Ya, I don’t witness the same stages of mating so many people seem so certain about.

I’ve dated teenagers who were trying very hard (and sometimes succeeding) to get pregnant. My live in girlfriends have usually been early twenties, and all were pushing for marriage and wanted kids.

I also don’t buy this biological 2 to 3 year clock.

I’ve witnessed long term pair bonds. Yes, sometimes people have affairs within the pair bonds, but I’ve witnessed extreme long term and sexually active pair bonding. My grandparents, for instance. Boinked daily, got along great.

And in my own life I’ve been able to maintain strong passion past the 5 year mark.

All these “red pill truth” rules… I really mistrust them. It sounds to me like the blind leading the blind.
Magnum said:

Yes but you’re in Bali and not the US, correct? Context can play a big role

Yes, I’ve been in SEA for about 15 years.

But the US and Europe also has subcultures. Just like any high school has archtypal subcultures.

And women aren’t all like that, in any culture.

And women are different depending on the man. They are like water to a glass.

It’s well known now that there is no pussy paradise; the sexual marketplace is not grossly different anywhere.

Culture (and education) affects stages of mating. Latinos in the US like to get pregnant as teens.

Women are still the same basic primates, everywhere. Culture makes minor adjustments. Stages of mating is not a biological trait. Therefore YOU can be the culture that affects the woman.

I’m sure if we look at real statistics, and at what ages babies and marriages are happening, we won’t find anything corresponding to this stages of mating idea, in any country or culture.

Update: People are marrying later and later, and it’s a dramatic trend.  But still, 29 percent of white women are married by the time they are 25 years old.  And 12% by 22.  Here is an interactive graph showing which groups are married by what age. https://flowingdata.com/2017/11/01/who-is-married-by-now/

And keep in mind education level makes a big difference.  So if we excluded college girls from the data the number would be higher.

This graph breaks it down by education level and shows 24% of people with high school or less are married by age 20.  https://flowingdata.com/2016/03/03/marrying-age/ (You have to add up all the percentages up to and including the final age you want.)  You can clearly see the peak age for marriage for this group is 21 years old.

Stages of mating?  Nope.

But I bet that a percentage of readers will go on talking about stages of mating as if it’s a feature built into women, even after seeing the facts.

I think it has to do with social signalling for some victim based in-group.  “I’m one of the boys!  I’ve been red pilled!”

And isn’t it also just a touch of gamma socialist entitlement? “Those girls are doing it wrong, waiting for their epiphany phase to hook up with a beta like me.  They should marry younger, like they did before!  And be thankful for it!  They’ll be sorry one day!”

The entitlement is off the fucking charts.  If you want a mate, be mate worthy.  I doubt top guys have trouble finding marriage partners.  Are you a top guy yet?  No?  Oh, better find a community of fail to complain and commiserate with.  That’ll make you feel MUCH better.  That’ll help.

Or maybe go after non-college educated girls?  Girls in your own country from a different background to your own?  Or in a different location?  No?  It should be delivered to you on a platter?  Still fresh and virginal?  One per customer?

Out-grouping women as the enemy and in-grouping the victim mentality socialist gamas and betas together helps the meme grow in strength.

Ya, but just look at the graph right in front of your face, and tell me again how you need that meme so bad, that you’ll just ignore your lying eyes.

Girls are girls are girls.  If there is some upper class Asian girl in the U.S. who plans to wait until after she’s finished her grad degree before marriage who comes across an unusually good match, chances are she’ll marry him, if her family is into him, even if the average age for Asians to marry is over 30.  It’s not cooked right into female nature to wait.  Girls pair bond beginning as teenagers, and want babies beginning as teenagers.  That’s biologically baked in.  Stages of mating is not.

And conversely it’s not biologically baked in for high status men to only pump and dump.  Pair bonding is biologically baked in, to men of ALL status.

I’ve read that some ideas are deliberately batshit insane, in order that to profess belief in them you are professing that you are REALLY REALLY a member of the group.  Think Mormons, or Christian Scientists.

Update from comments:

Please keep in mind that a lot of the research has not yet differentiated between high T or alpha males vs lower status males. The ones that do differentiate, are along the lines of “women orgasm more for wealthy men”, and show that women don’t have a dual mating strategy as showing up in hormonal/ovulation patterns when their partner is high status.

****

Rollo heavily curates what studies he’ll admit into evidence, based on his motivation.

His motivation is to:
1) Prevent beta suicides similar to what happened to his brother in law.
2) Rationalize his passionless marriage.
3) Maintain and grow his position as a social influencer.

He has no motivation regarding sexual marketplace class mobility. He has not seen and does not believe that there exists the possibility to be treated as a King or Alpha or Wizard within the context of marriage or a supportive LTR.

As an example of his rationalizing his passionless marriage and of not believing in class mobility, he does not believe the Dave in Hawaii story of a married man learning to be the dominant leader and turning his marriage completely around. He doesn’t believe that this is possible, and said exactly that in a comment on his own blog.

He’s also said the he does not believe that it’s “pragmatic” to be both an alpha and a provider. He continues with his idea of an extremely strict dissociation between alpha fucks and beta bucks by insisting that high value men only choose to pump and dump. Yes, he said exactly that, in the comment section. Look to comment sections to get the gut feelings of writers.

His entire worldview, which he advocates as the ONLY worldview, is coming from the place of a beta. He thinks that this is reality.

Yes, it is reality. Unless you make a different reality. And from then on that reality is completely irrelevant. Has nothing to do with you. Women behave nothing like what Rollo would teach you to expect.

From an old Saturday Night Live skit on sexual harrassment in the workplace:
Rule number 1. Be attractive.
Rule number 2. Don’t be unatractive.

Rollo isn’t attractive, doesn’t know how to be attractive, and doesn’t teach how to be attractive. He doesn’t care about it.

All he cares about is preventing beta suicides.

***

Marriages are lasting on average about 10 years, give or take a few years.  And average is not what readers of this blog aspire to be, I assume.

Divorce rates are between 40 and 55% depending on country and region.  I’m not sure how the math was done to get the 10 year average marriage length, considering that MOST people never divorce at all.

Ten years seems fine to me. But some people are still chemically and romantically in love till death do they part. About one in ten, I ‘m told. That’s not a small percentage, if you consider that many of the variables are under your own control.

Card counting is not exactly gambling.  If you are inexperience with women, you are rolling the dice on a marriage lasting forever and not being divorce raped.  If you co-habitate and safe-guard your finances, and have a long history of doing better and better and learn expert level of co-habitating with women, it’s nothing to do with gambling.  It’s called enjoying the best that life has to offer.

I’ve made claims again and again that I know how to keep passionate romantic attachment alive.

It’s a bold claim.

I’m considering recording pillow talk and setting up a patreon account.

I’ve sometimes thought it would be helpful to newbs to listen to pillow talk.

I’m starting to form the idea that a lot of newbs lean a bit autistic, and that autistic traits are growing as a cultural problem. I’m starting to think that cultural and tech reasons are making people developmentally impaired plus over reliant on their left brain narrative. Less socially aware and emotionally embodied. Less flow moments, too much analysis.

This should have been obvious to me ages ago, I suppose. Dr. Iain McGilchrist’s youtube videos about left/right brain functions made a big impression on me, and gave aha moments to large swaths of my life and social life. Including giving context to my Buddhist years.

So sometimes it occurs to me that recording the pillow talk of me and my girl might make for good social imprinting on people who don’t have such resources.

Pillow talk is the opposite of scriptable. It’s pure flow moments.

That’s what people need to learn. Whenever I hear someone use the term “spit game”, I imagine someone who has no clue about genuine male/female social interaction. Do you “spit game” during pillow talk?

A baby step of thinking that you know what to say is better than being too timid to approach and then floundering if you do. But social interaction is about flow moments. Those moments of feeling fulfilled by feeling connected. Genuine sharing and mutual inspiration and fun. Pillow talk is likely a great teaching tool.

Nash said:

When I was in college (and sharing rooms with roommates), I used to think the most “disgusting” thing you could ever hear was a guy doing his “love talk” with a girl. ”

“It still makes me nauseous to think of intentionally exposing myself to another man’s pillow talk. Sneaky Tom’s very terrible date product was an example of a lot of this…

This is interesting feedback to get.

When I was married in my early mid twenties, the pillow talk was mutually infantile. Back then I sidled up to being close by mirroring the woman’s interests and attitudes. I had no idea about masculine polarity.

Does that sound like the pillow talk that you have heard so far?

Part of me really misses Miss Thick. If I had audio of her and I in bed, I would be very tempted to listen to it… but I’m not sure it would be good for me.

I still have very vivid dreams of my last main near live-in GF. And we haven’t seen each other or shared one letter of txt messaging in almost two years. It’s probably a good thing that her facebook is set to private. Ya, ruminating over her would be too emotionally vivid and not helpful.

I see what you mean about having others listen in on such emotionally vivid personal banter would also be a shared intimacy.

I’m just thinking that our current culture is hyper fragmented and in places pathologically broken. Single parent families, too much social media, not enough unsupervised play, over emphasis on left brained activities, not enough mentors.

I think a main way that we learn social skills is by imprinting. Imprinting, plus social feedback. Mentors, plus play and play dates and trial relationships.

I don’t think that books or text or describing techniques can imprint. I think we need to see it.

I assume it’s similar for sports and music. You have to hear great music before you realize the possibility of it. Then you can emulate it, then you can riff off the emulation, then after that you can invent your own.

I’m sure it’s the same for any boy interested in soccer. Once he saw a top level player do amazing things, he realized new possibilities.

Which touches on the subject of flow moments versus spitting game.

I’m often conscious of using game principles within flow moments. Even with unconscious mastery, there is still awareness of technique. Even a tennis player who has decades of finely crafted muscle memory is still aware of micro-seconds of decision making happen. But the processing of the decision happens in a different part of the brain. Once you learn something and have that knowledge consolidated, you can drive the car and have a conversation and look in the eyes of the passenger at the same time.

I think a risk of theory heavy advice to newbs is that the end result is a constant nearly neurotic games playing assessment. I think it’s very difficult to get across emotions such as actually FEELING relaxed and loved. Emotions such as making another relaxed and feel love. Emotions such as joy. Values such as fun, ease and laughter.

That’s why I think we need to broaden our ways of teaching to include imprinting.

We can’t do that with bootcamps; that still is too separate; too analytical; too distinct from embodying the process. I mean yes, it’s ideal to get real life feedback, and ideal to watch someone in set, and to get a first hand view of his technique and vibe. That is the type of mentorship and imprinting I’m suggesting is crucial. The social imprinting people need. But to really see behind the curtain, I think we need the paper thin walls to listen in on the neighbors.

Charisma and musical development are synonymous

I’m playing around on my acoustic six string this morning, and have thoughts about improv that I think reverberate and echo widely into game and life.

When I was 16 I’d goof around haphazardly on the family stand up piano in the basement. Being of mild cluster C tentencies (anorexia, obsessive compulsive, struggling against neurotic thoughts) I liked to do a lot of tricky finger excersices. My thinking was that this would naturally lead into musical ability.

Later I wandered into the high school music classroom, during a free period, when all students could structure their own time. One guy was doing some simple chord progressions, with some non-technical melody in the right hand, using a slow tempo. It was a life changeing eye opener that I’ve never forgotten. I tell this story often. He put emotion into his music, and that was far more important than a universe of technical ability. It drew people in, drew him in, drew me in. It was an ability from another universe. I had no idea how he did that.

It would take me many decades of life and feeling and being open to emotions of every kind to be able to have something to bring to and pull out of the piano. The piano now is a completely different thing to me, because I’m a different thing.

We create our realities, within biological and physical and social constraints. But those constraints are bigger than any of us can comprehend. Music itself has been evolving over the centuries, and faster and faster. Social structures are also opening to more and more options. There is tremendous room within the facts to CREATE facts. Technology is the perfect example of this. We not only live within a bounded reality, but we use what we are given to paint and sculpt and compose and dance and sing and write and fuck our way into new worlds, that we create as we discover them.

You can make more beautiful and simply better music, using one string played emotionally, than 6 or 8 played with virtuosity. Guitar teachers, in fact any teacher, will tell you to try to avoid starting with bad habits.

Some teachers will tell you to never play even one note that doesn’t sound sweet. Focus on the sound, not the melody.

It’s similar with seduction and maintaining passionate romance. Technical game ability can get in the way of the moment – it’s not about your routine, or even quite so much about what you say. Or even do. It’s about emotion and what you are mutually creating into and out of your instrument. With seduction and charisma, your instrument is the other person. You are dancing emotions with her, feeding your emotions in and pulling her emotions out. Is the note sweet? Start with the note, and if you move on to melodies and beats, always pay attention to the note.

The guitar string can convey emotion just out of one note, depending on how you play it, and of course single string melodies can bring out more emotions. Add more strings and you can incorporate more elements of music, such as a repeating base line, or even a harmonic melodic base line. You can slide one string while plucking an open one. You can use double entendre and nuance, and convey several emotions at once; longing, sadness, joy, bitter sweet struggle, devotion.

Charisma and game is exactly like that.

You need to be able to first make one sweet note, then expand out, never losing the feel for what music fundamentally is embedded in, which is emotion.

************

Ultimately music is about creating and playing our own compositions. Mussorgsky changed the nature of music in his lifetime, it has been said, BECAUSE he was unschooled. He din’t know any better than to make something new. If you learn some musical patterns, or game patterns, these can not only open up possibilities, but they will also usually limit your view of what are your options. You’ll stick to the script, stick to what you believe that the pattern is supposed to be.

But that’s not how you write music, or how you interact with another person. You are always listening to that guitar string, playing with what it is giving to you. Listening to what emotions and sounds and chord progressions and melodies are coming out of the piano.

I’ve been very extreme in my musical development and focus on improv. I’ve learned a few difficult pieces, and these have greately expanded what my improv can be, and I want to learn more and more of other peoples music, but piano or guitar, for me, always comes back to improv. I say piano instead of music, because piano is a person that I interact with – it’s not an abstraction. The guitar is a different person, and brings out very different music.

When you free form improv, either with a woman or guitar, you might use some fundamental structures, but you have to more than merely bend those structures or add a few dissonant notes. You have to be listening to the instrument. Your own moods will come out of it, and yet often surprise you. You’ll be constantly micro-adjusting, or sometimes wildly diverting, based on what you hear. Different parts of your own mind are talking to each other, through your hands, the instrument, and the sound. They could not converse without this medium.

********************

I’ve switched to playing my acoustic in the laptop position. It suits my interests and abilities better. My left hand is damaged and so I can’t play important bar chords used in a strumming style, and learned to prefer a single (or multiple) string finger or plectrum picking style. It’s easier for me to hammer on and off and slide and move around the fretboard with it on my lap. I also use an open tuning, so that I can also strum chords by simply holding all strings down to one fret.

I’ve seen guys use this style of playing on stage. The body language conveys a more contemplative mood, and their music is always far from the heavy metal that must only come from a different guitar posture. The body language suits the music I prefer to make.

This also has a corresponding analogue in charm. I needn’t explain it; I think if you use your imagination you’ll picture it clearer than if I give you the image.

Or maybe you’ll picture something very different than what I have in mind.

Which will prove my point. Game and charisma and music will be altered by your history, perspective, and interests.

This is not something to fight, but to lean into. You’re going to be leaning into the unknown, over and over, and often living well outside of your comfort zone. That’s what music and social interaction does; it expands what you used to think of were your options. That often comes with some emotional strain.

*************

As a teenager I was once invited by two of the most handsome and cool guys in the school to join their clique, and hang around with them. That was too far outside of my comfort zone at the time. I rationalized this discomfort by looking down on them a bit, in my mind. It was a missed opportunity, that I passed up because I was safe in my smaller world.

Game is most often taught as a way to make you happy within a small world – game usually is taught in a way that keeps you safe.

But charisma won’t be what other people teach you, and it won’t be safe. You’ll be learning things that others don’t and can’t possibly know, things unique to you.

And you’ll be opening to new women and their worlds.

In order to gain positive reference experiences, it helps to be a social climber. If you are young, you’ll get good feedback from older women. As you become more worldly you may find your girlfriends and lovers getting younger and younger.

When I was 28 I had a 48 year old lover. At 50 I had a 16 year old one. Plus a 17 year old one plus a 24 year old one, plus a 23 year old one, plus a distant 17 year old one who was considering leaving her fiance for me.

People find it too much an insult to their ego to believe that I am a real guy, telling the truth about his life. It’s too much narcissistic injury. This is one reason I write so many diary type posts; to humanize my dating philosophy and ground it in real life experience, so you can see this as part of the human condition.

Many people will dissimulate like mad to claim that my personal currently lived life and my past experiences can’t possibly relate to what are their own possibilities, if they are even true at all. They don’t much care which option to choose – either it’s fake or irrelevent – all they want is a quick way out of personal responsibility to change their own world. This is a defence mechanism, and nearly always comes from people deliberately keeping their options and world narrow, because it’s far more comfortable that way to them.

How to learn music, seduction, and LTR game.

“You’ve changed everything!” * she said, looking up at me with puppy dog eyes and an amazed and laughingly annoyed to be so horribly into me smile.  Yesterday.

A few months ago I’d noticed that J21** was starting to become more irritated, and kept making snarky little emasculating comments.  The quality of sex was declining. Of course that would not do.  Thas was completely my fault, so I changed everything.

I moved to my other place for a few days, stopped eating, and then after giving in to her pleas to be with me again kept a regimen of only eating every second day, and going to the gym each food day.  It took four weeks of that regimen to get the beginnings of a six pack, and to cut a fine figure next to her in the mirror.

I kept up with learning my guitars, improved our living space, hung a heavy boxing bag on the tree, and bought a saxophone.

I told her what I was doing and exactly why.  I told her that it was my job to constantly seduce her and keep her desparately devotedly crazy in love with me.  And that it was her job to devotely suck my dick and come a lot.  You can pull back the curtain; it makes no difference.  As long as you know a woman’s attraction triggers, the point is to push them.

Yesterday she came upstairs and complained about being too in love.  “It hurts!”, she said, holding her heart.  “I’m going fucking crazy!” she said, pointing at her little head. “I’m only downstairs on the 2nd floor, and I can’t stop thinking about you or missing you.”

This is normal.  This is MY normal.  This is something I know how to do, and I do it on purpose.  I like doing it.  It’s more than a hobby, more than a specialty.  More than even a personality.  It’s like music to a musician; it’s impossible NOT to play music, and to learn more and more and get better and better.

If I were to record the simple little daily interactions that I have with J21, each sentence would be a masterclass in seduction.  It’s really that good.  We have a LOT of fun.  Every day.

If Mozart were to talk to you about his music ability, you might want to take how he describes his relative experience as bragging.  But how else can it sound?  He had an innate talent that he cultivated from a young age, and devoted himself to it because he couldn’t help it.  He was tail end of the curve great, so anything he would say about himself would compare himself favorably.

I have some innate language and writing talent that I noticed at age nine, and since then I’ve put in long time and attention to the art of writing.  I find compliments about this encouraging to keep going, and here is an unsolicited compliment I recently discovered on another blog:

He is an expert at conducting MLTRs, plus a rigorous, deep and courageous thinker (and one hell of a writer)… High quality writing from a very original thinker.

I can safely take some pride in my writing, not only because of what qualities I’ve learned to build into it, but because I get social feedback for it.  Self esteem is our interpretation of how others see us, and it’s not narcisism  or bragging to have accurate self esteem.  It would be false modesty, which is also a kind of arrogance, not to be able to accurately position your abilities relative to various crowds.

One thing that always strikes me as interesting is hearing musicians talk about their best works and performances.  Their is no false modesty.  Perhaps because musicians really must be close to the muse.  People who are affected by the muse can never take credit for it.  It doesn’t really belong to us.  We don’t know where it comes from anymore than anyone else does.  So we can’t have false pride; the muse is incredible and deserves any praise she gets.  Musicians are always enthusiastically proud of their best work, and modesty or bragging simply doesn’t enter into the picture.

Learning is also heavily involved with the muse.

I was watching a video by a famous guitarist, who developed some guitar techniques, talk about his techniques and how he discovered them.  There are two aspects about this that I noticed:

1. He was playing.

   In SEA you usually have to hire two or more workers to do the job of one person, because they don’t find work fun if working alone.  So there will be two people behind the cash register.  It seems insane, but there is some wisdom in it.  We don’t like to do things that are not fun.

   So if you want to learn something, don’t approach it as work.  Instead you need to find ways to make it fun, for you.  That will be personal.

2. He was putting meditative attention into his learning.  He was immersed in it, having constant flow moments, expanding his awareness into the moment, being as widely present and attentive as possible.  This is another antidote to boredom.  It increases the screen-refresh rate and compresses time and gets your awareness working at a higher clock speed, cramming more and more information into the present moment.  When you do that, you don’t need lots of noise to keep you entertained, because your mind already has quite a lot of information to process.

Every guitarist has a different signature sound. Although you can learn from other guitarists, you can’t be another guitarist. You will be interested in different things, learn different tricks, and specialize.

This is the same for writers. Each writer has a unique voice. Sometimes writers will copy out word for word an entire book of a writer whom they respect, in order to help learn the style, however after time they discover their own voice.

It’s the same story for comedians. Sometimes a comic will be so influenced by a mentor he’ll seem a copycat. Eventually his interests and abilities move him into a style uniquely his own.

The same is true for game and seduction. You can’t copy any PUA. You just can’t. You will have different interests and skills and will respond positively to different feedbacks that interest you more.

As an example I could not and would not emulate Krausers or Blackdragons game strategies. That would be completely impossible for me. I can’t even read Krauser’s seduction guides, as for me the R selected bad boy game is completely disinteresting, and I’ve found so much success with my very different style that I find his entire philosophy of attraction to be fundamentally false, at the root. And I get unstoppably jealous, at times, and so would not be interested in sharing the women I fuck, as BD recommends.

So if you are going to learn things about female nature and seduction from me, you’ll have to keep in mind that you will be CREATING your reality, and the reality that women respond to. You will be creating your own unique voice on the guitar, your own unique voice as a comic, your own unique seduction style. You will be creating an entire world view, and an entire world.

Believe me, you don’t want to be a keyboard jockey.  This blog might be entertaining, but if you are using it purely for entertainment, you are mis-using it.  It’s information you can incorporate into your real lived personal life.  It’s here for a purpose, and a purpose that as a reader I sincerely hope that you will learn to appreciate.

The author of that famous married man’s game post is Hawiian Libertarian.

** J21 is my 21 year old live in girlfriend of 9 months. Her first name starts with J. I’m 52. You’ll see references here to M21 up to M29, N17 up to N22, S16 up to S21, V23 up to V26, and so on.

*************

I’ll come back and write more.  Please always remember that if you get my blog on a feed, that I always update the first draft, so your RSS feed will barely resemble the final post.

Also comment a lot.

How to give and receive love with a pretty young woman, habitually.

I’ve been very critical against some manosphere memes and those who spread them.  The reason is because I believe that these memes can directly cause tremendous personal and social harm, by stunting personalities and lives.

It’s my belief that deep down humans are wired to seek out pair bonding and love.

It’s my belief that much relationship advice directly prevents succeeding at these immutable and innate hard wired deep human drives.

The pre 2012 writings of Heartiste directly and openly admitted to the tremendous and inescapable value of love – and how love is the greatest possible pleasure.  Later he de-emphasised this, then seemed to completely forget it, then seemed to completely negate it.  Eventually he kept harping over and over on a clear falsehood – that confidence is the root of all real attraction.  To him all atractive traits can be reduced to and replaced by confidence.  Pure bullshit that will directly prevent you from finding and maintaining loving relationships.

Rollo says that it’s impossible to be in a loving long term relationship.  You can either pump and dump, or be a doormat who is not respected.

Roosh is just schizoid, and all but insane.  He’s deeply anti intimacy, and yet somehow thinks that intimacy could be possible, if only he could find a woman good enough.  Nothing is about him – it’s all about culture and women’s beliefs and habits.  He bans and prevents comments outside of his incredibly narrow and harsh belief system.

I’ve talked in greater detail many times about my disagreements with the philosophies and teachings of these dangerous and harmful men.  Please don’t underestimate their power over your mind, and their ability to personally harm you and your life.

I need to keep getting back to that, over and over, because some habits of mind directly will block your ability to give and receive love.

In order to give and receive love, you need to:

1) Believe that this is possible, attainable, and good, for you personally

2) Believe that you can realistically meet and date and spend a great deal of time with a woman worth of loving

It will be quick and obvious to see that many popular relationship experts can’t accept the most basic fundamental premises required for love, which is REQUIRED for human happiness.

So they are really trying to fuck up your life.

You might notice the next time that you are into a girl, that you are wary of leaning in too far into emotionality, because you’ve been heart broken in the past, and you don’t want to fall into a vulnerable position again.

It’s a wise instinct.  I have to admit it; love and heartbreak are two sides of the same coin.  Usually one leads to the other.

But it’s still worth it.

Which leads us to a 3rd and 4th requirement to be able to give and receive love;

3) Being able to maintain strong interpersonal boundaries (so as not to lose one’s self)

4) Being able to constantly repair ones boundaries and well being, through lifestyle and meditative and body centered meditative disciplines.  You can afford cuts scrapes and bruises if you can heal.  The greater regenerative capacity you grow, the greater your ability to risk injury.  Love requires a strong heart – and a strong heart is both vulnerable-and-sensitive-and-open, and well defined with clear boundaries of acceptable situations to be in and behavious to accept.  And a strong heart heals strongly – it’s our biological and emotional fact of life; life is about constant regeneration.  So is love.

Character and wisdom demonstrably come directly through sorrow, and this has been statistically studied. This blog is too low traffic for it to be worth my time to dig up links, but I’ve posted on it before. I know, there are over 900 blog posts here, so if you want to follow up on that thought, it’s still a matter of your own interest and Google-fu. But we all share that same intuition; who doesn’t prefer the company of wizened battle hardened happy folks?

Rough ideas that I may edit:

• Love is somewhat dependent on physical lust – in both directions.  You need to both be proud of how she looks, and be into her type physically, and get off just from seeing her, smelling her, contemplating her, and also you need to have a self respect and eroticism.  You need to be proud of how you look, and get off on your own sexual response, and know that she is proud of your physicality and eroticism and how she can get you sexually high.
• A very quick way to mutually share love is through role play.  We have intrinsic evolved responses that go back millions of years into the history of how our emotional systems work.  These responses are archetypal.  The most basic, fundamental, old, powerful, archetypal emotions relating to love all spring from our most basic, oldest, emotional responses of all – those of parents to children, and of children to parents.
  • You can very quickly fall into workable habits of mutual love, simply by role playing Daddy Daughter.  Girls fall into it near immediately – usually with just the barest of hints that you are into that.  Very occasionally some girls will be reticent about that game, but it’s too deep to really avoid – the intellect evolved much later, and the emotions are stronger and more base – it really doesn’t matter if the intellect disapproves at all.  The intellect might disapprove of a certain man or woman, but you’ll still get wet or hard.  Daddy Daughter goes too deep to be affected by approval or disapproval.
  • Daddy Daughter is also a good archetype to use in general, outside of the bed.  You’ll allow yourself more patience, and personal authority.  She’ll allow herself more abandon and respect.
• A major issue that I don’t think has been addressed at all, on any relationship forum, is the incredible importance of relationship practice.  People are not innately good at being in relationships.  They fail often not just because women suck.  Sure, compatibility is important, but relationship is a skill – a difficult skill.  At least as difficult as piano.  It takes practice practice practice and you learn more and more and more.  You can’t learn it from a book, you can’t learn it all at once, and you can’t know what it is yet that you need to learn.  No one can tell you.  You only learn piano in steps – only by practice.  Relationship skill is a skill.
• Daygame skills barely overlap with relationship skills.  You can be the top pickup artist in the world, and still be completely inept at giving and receiving love with an attractive young woman, and maintaining passion day after day for the longer term.  If you are interested in relationships, you need to very clearly see and know this. Getting a girl into bed is barely related to keeping her in passionate obsessive devoted love with you.

---

Feeling love is similar to feeling joy.  I assume most of us tend to avoid feeling happy, at some deep fundamental level.  We carry around with us like a childs comfort blanket this constant burden of feeling alienated and wanting.

Even in the middle of the most rapturous sex, this bad habit of mind can intrude, making it impossible to really feel loved, and to truly give over to that joyous celebration of mutual lusty devotion.

The easiest way around these neurotic mind habits are through the meditative disciplines.  Perhaps augmented by very rare psychedellic drug use.  Body centered meditations, and especially chi-kung get you into being being, and out of thinking about and watching being.  With body centered being, you can be love – just embody and feel and control and use your emotions, just like you sometimes do when you are totally into some song and riffing along with it in voice.  You join in with that song, and are at your full creative potential in your flow moment, embodying your emotions and body all together without need for separation.

You need to respect your own psychological need to do this, and respect that this is natural and default for women; they love to be in love.  They want and need it, just like naive teenagers.  You don’t need an excessive self regard to feel loveable.  People just like to love; it’s perfectly natural, and you can be a good enough receptacle for that attention.  Especially with care and practice.

* Being with someone is about re-enforcing habits. Habits of your own behaviour and moods and attitudes, and habits of your companion.

I suppose a definition of being charismatic is exactly that; the ability to re-enforce in others a habitual sense of joy for being around you.

I hear people often complain that they could not imagine being happy spending a lot of time with a woman, especially living with one full time, and working from home.

I think it’s not only a matter of personality style. I think it’s also a matter of relationship habits. And of course sexual habits.

I’ve written quite a bit about sex, and it’s my belief that lust is a huge help to maintain interest, and therefore the habits that increase lust, such as not having frequent orgasms if these tire you or lead you to disinterest, and doing chi-kung and lifestyle improvements that increase libido. Who hasn’t heard the joke of losing all feelings of love and interst after having a male orgasm? Male orgasm, because some women can actually get chatty and needy after coming. The reverse is also true; keeping your libido increases your interest in the woman. You’ll learn to prefer having that interest, and so will she. It’s better for the both of you if you are interested in each other.

Along with regular passionate sex, there are many other big and small ways that spending a great deal of time with a companion can become easy and fun.

You need to be able to enforce your quiet time boundaries; usually people simply don’t talk to each other. This is difficult for women, at first. But they get used to it, and it’s completely going to be your job to make that so. You will get annoyed if there is unwanted chatter all the time. Eventually the both of you will learn to appreciate silent company, as if you can feel each other in the space, and like that feeling. A feeling you both feed – a feeling of contentment and humor and appreciation. Maybe you had that with your Grandma as a young child. Being together is not equal to being burdened; we can learn the joys of shared silence. And be fed by the shared silence, and feed into it.
——————
Just as it takes you time to learn, it will take your woman. You are both flawed characters, but at your best you’ll be trying to make each other happy – lately I’ve had girlfriends who do this as habit. Before I’ve had girlfriends who would often do the reverse, and deliberately cause angst. It’s quite common for women to be troublesome deliberately, and difficult to avoid, but it is avoidable. It’s not their fault entirely. Eighty percent is up to your own actions, 20 percent is up to your mate choices; and of course mate choices means being able to attract as well as being able to choose.

Some women are great to go sexually quickly, but others can take one or even two or even more years to slowly grow into their ability.

It’s also quite a bit your own responsibility that this happens. Again, Daddy Daughter is a decent mental framework. Younger guys obviously can’t be in a position to mentor, and so I recommend young guys spend time with older women, who are very appreciative mentors. Some older women do very well in the role of mentor, and have more to teach than you can know; elders always do. Later you can switch up the roles, with younger and younger and younger mates.

Strangely enough, you’ll learn a lot about being an authentic masculine authority in young women’s lives by as a young man dating much older women who mentor you. The dynamic is different in ways, and similar in others. The regalness and mutual respect from different positions remains.

———-
If I drink, I’ll eventually ask you to tell me a story. When I’m out on the town with my 21 year old little girl, sometimes it gets to the point that I ask her to tell me a story. Inevitably she recounts our first date.

It was really that good. I’ve documented it here. It’s etched in her mind, and fresh. Our love is at least as strong as fresh young infatuation. Love can last longer than the average 6 months to max 2 years. In a minority of people the measured blood hormones associated with passionate love remain indefinately.

She still tells me that she loves me many times a day, just like she did from day one. She came this morning many times, and I was quite full of bonded attachment and love for that small child like woman.

It’s a skill.

If you want it.

I had to believe, on that first date, that all that actually did happen between us could happen between us. To me it was simply inevitable and obvious.

I wrote this as a poem once: “Cynycism is the dust on angels eyelashes”. Or something like that. Cynicism is just dust on our eyelashes – it’s not our vision, not our heart or understanding or soul. It’s just dust.

———
Relationship isn’t a skill in the same way that learning the facts of history is a skill.

You can’t memorize being competent at interpersonal skills.

Can you find a book that will teach musical improvisational skills?

You think there is some guy who can teach you to day game?

No. Well, not quite.

I’ll prove it quickly.

When the Beatles first came on the scene, most all bands that they knew only played cover tunes. Playing cover tunes is a level of competence, sure, but no one gives the same respect to others or ourself for mimicry.

Later they thought they should create their own tunes.

There is a lot of music created by different people, and it’s all quite distinct, even as we usually can recognize what comes from each distinct artist.

When you create music, you’re on your own.

Being good at relationships is like being good at music. It’s going to be your own creation, and it’s going to be extremely different at different times in your life, and with different women.

There is no book about this.

You can’t learn improv, exactly, yet you can learn improv, and it does help to hang around and improv with others. Seeing others do it makes you see that it’s an option, and you might try it, on the spot.

It’s really up to you to forge and discover your way.

—————————-

Improv as the foundation of game

After you get very proficient with seduction and maintaining strong passionate long term bonds with women, it becomes increasingly difficult to explain what it is that you are doing.  More and more you are just being yourself.

More and more the mental maps that other people offer to describe ways to optimize dating strategies seem more and more incorrect.

When you get good with women, you are getting authentic with women.  And then only after the fact we offer our own personal interpretations of our real life reference experiences.  It’s not keyboard jockeying.  It’s not trading around secret rules.

Our job as guys with experience is to get other guys to develop their own reference experiences, authentically.

Without substituting maps for experience.

I listen to a lot of WTF Marc Maron interviews of comedians, and one way that comedians learn their craft – I suppose the foundational way – is through improv on the spot, and being thrown into situations in which they must perform.

Comedians say it takes about 10 years, on the stage, to learn the craft of being funny.

Now of course you can and should study other comedians. But you can’t copy any comedian – that would not work. That can’t and doesn’t work.

Each guy HAS to develop and find his own authentic style, through feedback. It can and does and should take a LONG time. If it doesn’t, then you are stuck in the process of learning – there is more and deeper to go.

One thing I think a lot of guys miss is that feedback can happen within LTRs and MLTRs – not just on the street, or during the initial seduction stage.

LTRs actually should always stretch a man’s ability to the limit – if not, he could either be dating a hotter girl, or more girls.

Theory helps, and I do my best to think about and theorize and create and read mental frameworks that can sort the raw data in ways that organize without conflicting or excluding data.

But improv is important not just because it teaches us the muscle memory, deeply, in our being.  It’s important because it IS a way of being.

I chose to learn the piano by pure improv, for two years.

It was purely a personal preference choice, and not one I would recommend to others.

I’m of the pure improv school, means that I realize that there are other schools.

I’ve also mentioned often that I do recognize that I’ve subconsciously incorporated skill-sets into my improv.

My flow moment, to me, is my primary motivation. I spent two years being a crappy piano player, because I prefer flow moments to being able to play the piano.

It’s personal. It’s what matters, to me.  I believe that improv can become a character trait, as well as a skill – a way to be more present and authentic in the now, as a leader.

***

Daysofgame.com said:

Deserve” is one of the most fucked up words in human psych. There is no such thing as “deserve.” Replace “deserve” with “desire” and you are closer to the truth in BlueVs statement.

That’s an interesting perspective, because in a way you are removing mental frameworks, and therefore being more present.

A great deal of Buddhism has that at the core. We must have philosophy, and mental maps, of course, yet a strange paradox is that the more refined maps look simpler and simpler – like edited prose.

I like how you side-stepped the entire argument. Whether we deserve to date women so much younger and more attractive than ourselves is the wrong question – not even worthy of giving a yes or no to.

Nothing to do with the now moment – if you can simplify enough.

Simplifying is actually hard, long work.

On the other hand, while deserve is the wrong question, the sexual marketplace is an exchange of value. Some girls might be “tricked” into thinking that a hollow shell of a man who is a good character actor narcissist is “worth” fucking, but girls don’t stick around with narcissists. That’s part of the very definition of being a narcissist, on the books; people don’t hang around, because people aren’t stupid, and they see through you, and see no there there.

I personally feel very deserving of true love, and very deserving of giving true love.  And have a very inflated idea of the level of beauty that I rate, if you would base my male value on looks alone.  But you could edit that and simplify it and say that I personally receive and give love, genuinely, and that hot young girls have been into me and still are.

The attitude of not deserving is a serious character flaw, and will certainly lead to problems with long term relationships, and most likely even to a sour grapes attitude that “I didn’t really want a long term relationship with that hottie anyway”.

So sometimes we need to reverse the curl of the paper, in order to get it flat. Go from the mental map of being undeserving, to being deserving, and then finally to simply going after what you want to the best of your ability – and stretching way past what others could conceive of as possible.

Forced, against my will, to replace my primary, and the usual fast bonding.

Wow, the sleeping dragon awakes! That was fast, and didn’t take much.

“Wow, you fuck me so good. I’ve never felt like that before.”, she said, touching her hand to her lower belly, with a slightly puzzled and inquisitive look, mixed with delight, wonder, and appreciation on her face.

I know, I know, maybe she says that to all the guys, right? Well, in our first session she was surprised that I was not “finishing”, and kinda wanted me to hurry up. Her last boyfriend would just pump away for 10 minutes and done.

I didn’t know her yet, and so the first time we met yesterday fucked her like a more experienced girl who was used to G-spot sex. My error.

The next day I gave her more attentive treatment, with a modest amount of foreplay, and clit and nipple attention throughout most of the fucking. And a few hours of listening to her and stroking and bonding with her before hand. That was all it took to light some fire. Then in the middle of the night she initiated the second round, being a squirmy wormy, grinding on me. Based on previous performances I mis-judged her stamina, and came before she was ready – a gigantic Daddy Loves You explosion that took every last drop of moisture out of my mojo, and she still kept grinding and grinding greedily on my still hard and rammed as deep as possible but unmoving dick.

She nearly begged for more, but I was fucking spent.

It seems that if there is going to be a stamina problem in this relationship, it might more likely be on my end rather than hers. We’ll see. I always enjoy a good sexual contest.

And I’m quickly falling in love with her, and her me. That was mate-bonding love sex. The kind where the girl starts to cry a bit – you know, that bitter sweet intense pleasure that is so soulful that it makes you cry. Slightly similar to crying during touching parts within a movie. Too bad we don’t have more refined words for the different types of crying.

Oh, and my kundalini seems to be waking up. It’s been years since that was on fire. I’m not sure how I feel about that. Maybe it’s just a one night thing. Or maybe my body is really, really into this girl.

Which for the first time ever makes me feel like it’s sex that would be detrimental to the bonds with V. Of course it’s a silly obsession to still think of her – she broke up with me and blocked contact. But V was hugely in love with me, and it still feels terrible to replace that pair bond. It was never my intention to have sex with others replace our primary bond. A nuance that she is not capable of understanding or caring about. But one that is kind of a big deal to me.

Which again reminds me of a way V is incompatible – her stubborn BPD insistance that in matters of her jealousy feelings, my feelings and intentions don’t exist or count; “I could not possibly really love her, if I also get close to other girls” is her exact stated thought. It’s still quite sad to me, and I still see her face sharply in my mind, very often.

Anyway, looks like this new girl and me will pair bond.  That thought includes sadness of moving on from the last pair bond.

Update:  Attentive long time readers may notice the hidden theme of this post.  The Easter Egg.

It is BECAUSE I’m the kind of guy who does grieve so long and hard for V that this new girl fucked me on the first date, wanted to move in on the first date, and had pair bonding tearful best in her life sex on her second date.

Well, that and that I’m quite experienced.

Once again, Alpha Fucks and Beta Bucks is so cartoonishly simplistic as to be more wrong than right.

Update: She outlasted me again this morning.  Later we snuggled in my recliner just hanging, and she recounted how useless her sexual past was.  I’ve heard this story so many times.  There are girls out there who’ve had plenty of sex who are still basically virgins.  She had been confused why all her friends said that sex was so great, when for her it was nothing.  Finally she meets a guy who knows how to fuck, and it’s a totally new dimension of reality opens up for her.  It’s not so much that I’m so great in bed, technically lately I can be rather lazy, but that most guys (and girls, frankly) can’t fuck.  It’s really a tragedy.  Can’t we teach sex ed properly in high school?

I also think that sex is quite a lot to do with very subtle emotional feedback.  We can tell when our lover gets aroused, and when we play that arousal in simpatico, and sustain it, you can create sexual music – each time different.

I have a VERY hard time getting dates.  Pretty well my whole life it’s been like this.  Almost impossible even just to get one date, with a girl I believe is a match that I deserve.  Two months of online dating just to finally get one date, even though I was willing to fly anywhere in the whole country. But once I’m alone in a room with someone, the date usually goes very well.  And after that we bond.  Girls quickly feel as if they’ve met their soul mate, or as if we’ve known each other for a long time, and been together as lovers already for a long time.  That’s just routine for me; first date, have better sex than she’s used to, bond, then I own her, and we take care of each other and become entwined in each others lives.

You can’t really capture character in a photo, and character can make beautiful faces ugly, and ugly faces beautiful. In person an unphotegenic man, or even woman, can be much more appealing. Or less.

So a lot about attraction is emotional.  Emotional openness.  Energetic fluency.  Emotional fluency.  I have a strong congruence of character of being loving and able to receive love.  It’s not a game or a magic seduction trick, it really is “just be yourself” game, only the self that I have been very careful to cultivate is a musical instrument that I know how to play.

Chi-kung, meditation, long history of many loving deep long term relationships.  My history is an open book in my character, and I’ve been as careful as I can be to keep that character positive, open, loving, sensual, and fun.  And who wouldn’t want that?  So first dates usually go quite well.

Update: Holy shit.  That was amazing.  No wonder my kundalini turned itself on, in anticipation of this chick.  On day three we had near kundalini level sex!  Holy fuck.  And I pressed and I believe her confirmation, this is all totally new to her.  Incredible how much was just lurking below the surface.

My experience is that MOST girls need to be at least a bit in love before they can open and start to give their best sex.  So for me, fast seduction and fast love go hand in hand, and I have absolutely zero interest in one night stands or prostitutes.  Good sex is simply completely different than mutual masturbation – an entirely different category – you can’t even call both things sex.

Update Jan 25: Wow. This is going better than I had even hoped. I had forgotten what it was even like to have kundalini sex, and that used to be my life, for decades. Unfortunately, I’m falling in love. I hate that! And I told her that I hate it. I told her to fall in love first, and that I’d just wait, and lover her only a little bit, until she’s crazy in love. Because I hate being in love! It’s fucking scary. I told her to hurry up and get pregnant so that she won’t run away. I told her that I don’t want her to know that I’m falling in love, because it’s a secret. I pushed her away physically and screamed “I don’t want to love you!” God damn it. It’s too vulnerable.

But I think she’s fucking georgous. From so many views. God, from behind, her vagina is like an extra add on thing – not just a space between her legs. A mound. Fucking georgeous pussy. And the waist to hip is out of this world, which is amazing because she has very small hips. So super slim waist.

I could go on and on.

And as often has been the case, it’s a shocking contrast in the mirror when we are side by side. She’s way the fuck out of my league. But also, she’s a definite type, that not all guys would be into. Skinny small. I’m thankful not all guys would see her the way I do. I think she’s fucking hot and amazing and gorgeous. I like just staring at her face. Or her lips. Or pretty well any part of her.

And we often make each other break out in belly laughs. I’ll laugh to tears with her, which is rare for me.

It’s kind of an amazing connection, pretty fast. Especially sexually; I told her that sexually it’s a good match for us both, because I’m waking her up and catching her on her upward curve, and she’s waking me up and catching me on my downward curve. I used to be a fucking sexual superstar; probably one of the top on the planet, honestly, in terms of number of hours of sex per day and extreme chi-kung kundalini energetic feeling and power. Now I’m less than 1/10th of what I used to be, but it’s still not bad, and a fair match for a girl on her way up, just starting. She’s doing great.

She has a pretty face, and that can be a bit intimidating, but she also is vulnerable and afraid, just like I am. And also fiery – hot fiery, passionate, humorous, penetrating eyes. I’ve seen her angry too. So she’s very attractive, but also vulnerable and attached, just like I am. I guess we might get married. At the least we are already a couple, and going more in that direction.

Looking at her pretty face and hot body reminded me of how many very beautiful girls I’ve dated over my life. M is a real hottie. I think N is too. I don’t even know the numbers, but there are well over 10 super stand out girls, out of about 80 that I’ve been involved with, and most of the rest I found quite attractive. And I still love some of the girls. All so different, beautiful in very different ways. Uniquely beautiful. The sex styles and connections unique to each. Our various ways we connect all unique. Some of whom I only had flings with, some who I bonded very deeply with.

She’s on the bed trying to get my attention now. I’m being called to do my manly duties.

Update: Stamina is definitely not a problem with this girl. Nor is the level of sexual intensity that she can rise to. This girl can take a LOT of voltage.

During one peak, as I was choking her, I said “say I love you!”
She answered with a stutter “I love..it.” Then 1/10th of a second later “I love, you” “I love you, I love you, I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you!”

The electricity and joy that shot through me was too much, for me, at this point in our relationship. I could only handle maybe 10 seconds of it.

“This is a good time to stop”

What joyful nourishment. That woman is making a man out of me. Finally! I’m literally a new man now.

Hot girlfriend who loves me and is properly owned. Who I have powerful kundalini S&M loving bonding sex with, where we thrill and trill to new places each time, and become more bonded each time. Fuck ya. Every where I go I’m a new person – not a single guy, but a guy who has a (hot) woman making a man out of him.

I told her that now I have a reason to put more attention into getting healthy. She can handle everything I give. Strong woman. In fact, she keeps staring at me, so happy and loving, and teasing for more.

I plan to move her into a less expensive apartment, but in the mean time will move her in with me. Starting tomorrow.

We’ve both been carrying around with us a constant bitter sweet sorrow. I’m noticing that we both are becoming more at ease with shared pure joy.

.. Ok, and just now we shared tears of joy. She thanked God she met me, and with a huge smile, let out the water works. Lots of staring each other in the face, with big smiles. Makes me shy to be looked at like that, but damn.

This is day 4.

Ya, I probably am going to marry this one. I’m quite good at getting and seducing new girls. The long and routine history is of getting girls WAY out of my league. But I’m 52. I think the timing is right. She’s got what I’ve been looking for.

Which is a bit weird, when you consider that no long ago, after a ketamine trip seemed to show me the depth of my true being, I declared that I was not a family man, and could not marry, to my then mate.

I was totally honest then.

And I’m honest now.

I’m just a different person with the different girl. Which in it’s own way is a fucking horror show, because I really really loved and still do love V. Deeply. I’d keep them both as wives and give them both babies if I could.

But I can’t. So I’ll keep the one.

… I just told her that we will probably get married. She was surprised – “shocked”, she said, but agreed. Then asked if we’d have a baby. I said maybe.

This is the 2nd time this has happened to me in this phase of my life – falling for someone hot and quickly wanting to marry them and even talk of kids. Divine madness. Probably at some time later I’ll feel constrained and panicked again, I suppose. One day at a time then. If things don’t work out, then so be it. Fuck it. You only live once. These seem like the right waters to dive head first into.

Update Jan 26: Of course I’d wait a few years before marriage, if at all. Just found out that she has a history and family history of not doing well handling jealousy. And I know my history. So apparently I’m playing with fire with this one. I’m still way into her, but a betting man would bet on trouble down the line, as I don’t expect either of us to fundamentally change our natures.

I still think of V, but not on waking up.

The Kundalini sex is changing how I hold my body. It’s slowly coming back to me, fucking with a total lack of any urge to come, and instead just getting higher and higher. I love fucking this chick, and am turning on her sex drive enough to handle the frequency and duration, and to be able to quick start and use insertion as foreplay. Starting to be able to look her in they eyes during sex. She says that she would burst out laughing at the faces that I make, but can’t because she’s too high at the time, and besides her eyes are usually rolled up in her head, as are mine. Of course it’s always difficult to maintain eye contact when your eyes keep rolling up into the back of your head.

I’m of the opinion that it’s impossible for man or woman to have great sex without falling in love and bonding. That doesn’t equal monogamy, necessarily. But it usually does equal some very strong jealousies – uncontrollable emotions.

Which I routinely discount, in women. I have my agendas, and so ignore the incredible pain and inability to stop feeling what they feel, when jealous. I know what it’s like, I just don’t want to know it, or think about it, and so hand wave it away.

I fall in love on purpose, and get girls to fall in love on purpose, and then go right ahead, knowing full well the consequences, to make them insanely jealous.

And if I do that with this one, she has a good chance of being dangerous.

V too had a good chance of being dangerous; I kinda got out in the best possible way; her saying she was leaving because I would not have a baby. If it went down another way, she very well may have turned on me.

I have no urge for other girls right now (which is heartbreaking for N, who misses me and wants my time). I’m way infatuated with this one. I think she’s the most beautiful when her face is all flush and fuck-exhausted. Absolutely gorgeous. I’m less anxious that she’ll leave me and feel less urge to knock her up to lock her down, as she’s full blown in love now, and we are already hooked on each other, and coupled. It’s going to be a fuck fest for the foreseeable future, and I’m more than happy to give her my all; she captivates me. She also wakes up at night to fuck me, the little bitch. Third world problems.

She left at 10 am, after another round of sex, and will be out all day. I just woke up at 1 pm, and am horny, but can’t jerk off, as I’m back to the lifestyle mode of not coming, and recently my habits were to jerk off and come when too horny. I remember this lifestyle now, it’s all coming back. It wasn’t so long ago that M and I used to fuck at least 5 times a day. And then after that I had the 3 or 4 girls keeping me very busy. And of course all the years in the Phillipines, and Thailand, which I never talk about anymore – that was non-stop sexual arousal. And a girl I’ve never talked about on this blog – R – a girl I had for a few years starting at age 29 – we would also fuck as much as humanly possible – leaving only time to eat, sleep, and shit. Screaming at the top of my lungs kundalini sex with her, for years. Lots of public sex too.

I’m so very tired and sick all of the time now, because of my stomach, but the old ways are coming back, and even though I’m so tired, my body says that I need to fuck my lover now. I’m really into her; can’t get enough of her.

With M I never once had boring sex, and was always so in love with her, when fucking – year after year, 5 times a day, always great. If I was mining for gold in her pussy, I always found it, and never got tired of finding it.

So now this girl and I are finding our mutual addiction.

I wonder what the neighbors think of the sounds coming out of my apartment now? She sings pretty loud, and I’m starting to scream at the top of my lungs, into the pillow, more commonly instead of just in brief bursts.

They are used to some screaming. Girls are wired to want to make loud noises when they consider themselves to be fucked by the high level alpha monkey in the troup; “Listen to me! I’VE got HIM! I have high status, because I’ve got him and he’s mine!” So V wasn’t shy or quiet here, and neither now is J – but I think I’m starting to get louder, and there is more screaming in general. Ya, and J is getting noisier than I’ve had here.

.. N has been asking why I’ve been avoiding her, and I told her that I’ve been busy with a new girlfriend. She’s heartbroken, and doesn’t want to see my face now. I told her that I’m here for her in any way that she needs.

M viewed N as a home wrecker, and hates her with a fury. V also views N as the reason that we broke up, I’m sure. I can’t keep my hands off of N, even though very often we are so very incompatible. Great chemistry with her, and I love her body, and sometimes we still really love each other. Year after year. Even at the risk of losing other girls. Quite a mess sometimes. God what a body on N. I never get enough of it, ever. Never old. Hard to imagine not seeing her. We often still have very fresh romance. I’m really into her too – year after year. I like being bonded year after year, even as other loves come and go, and she has her flings and love affairs also. I like that stability. Chaotic stability.

I’m sure N feels the same way, and would see me again. An addiction like that to each other runs deep. I suggested that she get a new boyfriend as I’ll be pretty busy with my new girl. She knows how to have an open relationship, secretly.

Update Jan 28: Last night she tearfully sobbed and sobbed, during a very long extended sexual peak “I love you! Don’t ever leave me! I love you! Don’t ever leave me! I love you!” over and over and over for timeless many long minutes. It was literally the most beautiful event I’ve ever witnessed. Later I laughed and laughed wondering what the big family of neighbors were thinking; we can almost hear each other talk through the thin walls.

She could not get enough sex yesterday. I did my best to keep up, even taking an hour off for chi-kung to re-charge, and taking stints on the bottom, but eventually her outside pussy skin wore out, despite careful generous use of lube. I also laughed quite a bit about that – something similar to her kundalini is waking up, and the girl is now sexually supercharged.

I told her that she is a beautiful person. It’s not just her face, it’s her spirit. I really like her, and can do my best chi-kung and good piano improvising around her; we are great for each others spirit. I’m very happy. I told her “I’m happy with you”, and I have not said that since Kiki, and Kiki was the only other person in my life that I’ve ever said that to. Kiki used to tell me 20 times a day that she loved me, and I very often told her that I’m happy with her. It was the happiest year of my life, with her, before she died. I’m not happy alone, but I can be very happy with the right person, and such a connection has been very rare in my life, despite usually being in love, or at least lust. So we are both feeling lucky and grateful, and content. Happy to tears.

She remarked yesterday that she has more energy, and that her face looks more beautiful. It does. We’ve both been carrying a heavy load, and are replacing it with something we forgot was possible.

She’s really shining, and has that special rare look of a woman in love. I can’t think of anything more beautiful.

Sometimes a song related to loss will run through my head and remind me of the painful aching wound in my heart for the still fresh loss of V, and if in bed playing with J that will make my dick soft. Emotions can be symphonic fugues – it’s possible to feel love and loss at the same time. Bitter sweet.

N is feeling very heartbroken lately, because I’m serious with the new girl. We aren’t being sexual anymore. She was never able to stay faithful with me either, even during times when I didn’t have other girls, or were living together, and a few times abandoned me for others and would not see me, so I owe her no fidelity favors or even the honor of never leaving her if I get a new girl; which was often my rule in my non-monogamous life. I bear her no grudges or ill will for her sexual choices. She’s asked me to marry her countless times, and I know has born a torch for me through all our ups and downs. We were mostly good to each other, sexually. I wanted to always keep her in my life, sexually. But that could really fuck things up, and I’m not only tired of the drama and heartache all around, I want to maximize my chances with this girl.

I realize that keeping this girl for the long haul is a different task than falling in love and having our honeymoon phase. It’s a common thought that younger girls will cheat on their much older husbands. As long as I remain interested, I think that I’m up to the challenge. I like to be constantly challenged with constant seduction; long term seduction is something I’m good at and have put a lot of thought and effort into.

There has been a great deal of emotional wreckage surrounding my life. V once told me that girls spirits can ruined. One girl turned to prostitution after having a serious nervous breakdown when she finally realized that she wanted me to stop seeing my second girlfriend, who at the time was M. Another seems to have sworn off men entirely, after in our relationship I wouldn’t stop seeing other girls, and didn’t want her to keep the baby. Another woman left her husband for me, and wound up single. She was 41 years old to my 30. I had counseled her to stop fucking me or she would fall deeply and uncontrollably in mutual love, but she would not listen. M had years of torment about not keeping me faithful and not marrying her, and is still not married. I could go on. V is a strong woman who I have a great deal of respect for as a person. Her female agenda for strict monogamy is annoying, but also includes wisdom, and I think she can do well in her future. It took a lot of strength and courage to leave me, and she’s been working hard to put her life in good order. I really respect her, and like her, and always did.

So many broken hearts in my life. And mine has been broken so often. I keep telling myself that collateral damage is inevitable, and everybody – absolutely everybody who dates – causes and receives heartbreak. It’s built into the system, and we didn’t create the system.

But I’m looking forward to not being the “cause” of that in the immediate foreseeable future.

Update Jan 30:

My girlfriend (who in my head I call my wife) hosted a small party last night, and dragged me down to join the group her and three friends.  We shared some drinks and soon were laughing with near every sentence, and one guy kept saying that I was funny.  A bit difficult to do with the language barrier, but jokes can be kept simple, such as my girl saying “I’m need to go pee”, and I look at her tenderly and point to my mouth and say “pee in my mouth”.  Simple jokes, if delivered in quick succession, can have the group laughing and laughing.

I was impressed by how she handled herself being falling down drunk, and the quality of her friends.  She kept calling me her husband, which always makes my dick hard.  And the dick never lies.  She seems so very proud of me, and we are already so coupled, it’s quite touching, and you could see that her friends respected our mate choices.

Last night we were out grocery shopping, and after coming home I relayed to her my experience there.  I’d carefully examined the hottest girl I could find there, wondering what it was about her that made her seem so attractive to me.  “Ok, her ass in that skirt.  My girl has the same shape and size ass.  That’s cool.  Well, she’s a little too tall for my tastes, let’s see the face.  My girl has a cuter face.  I win the contest again!”  My girl really liked this story, even if checking out other girls made her a little squirmy.  I have a long habit of whenever I go out with a hot girlfriend to check around to see if she is the hottest in the restaurant, and if so declare to her loudly “I win the contest!”  Not she wins by being the hottest.  I win, by having the hottest girlfriend.

She was screeming at the top of her lungs during sex last night, in the same tonalities that I use when I’m feeling kundalini rise.  And she’s constantly sexually aroused now, wanting to fuck.  That means to me that her kundalini type energy has awoken.  When that happened to me as a young man I was horny all the time for decades.  It’s pretty difficult to keep up with her now, in fact I’ll admit it that it’s pretty well impossible.  Hard to get my work done too.  But fuck, I love hearing her scream.  Very romantic screaming too.  I need to record it, it’s something to be proud of.

Update February 14: She told me of a dream two nights ago, in which I was hugging her and she felt that she’d met her soul mate and was very happy.  Something like that.  I had one of those mixed up metaphorical dreams this morning.  She was in the dream, in a weird way – my computer bios was happy, and it was because of her.  The metaphor being that her effect was at a core and persistent level.

We fucked on a balcony a few nights ago.  We also sometimes joke about topics of jealousy.  Big contrast to V; V can be experimental in bed, but is too prudent to want to do public sex.  And topics of jealousy are no laughing matter to her.  Lots of belly laughs with this one.  We spend all of our time together, and very easily and happily.  It’s great.  I haven’t felt much urge to see other girls, but there are still options that have a long history of keeping me interested.  But I’m pretty happy with this girl; I suppose it should be interesting that people can get close very fast, but that’s common to a lot of peoples experience.

Today she called me her best friend.  That was touching.  We are really just very happy.  Really good fit.  I also of course like being adored, and she isn’t shy to gush and give puppy dog eyes and say “I love you” a lot.  Sometimes if a girl is just a bit uglier than I think I rate, that could actually bother me.  But this one is at a level of attratciveness I’m quite comfortable with.  I do want to own her, and love it that she loves me – makes it easier to actually be in love, which can kind of hurt.  Maybe it’s the terror part of being in love that can be physically painful, even when all is going well.  So the mutual being in love, with her giving all indications of at least matching my feelings, makes it less terrifying.

Rollo Tomassi thinks all old men must pay for young ass

In response to my re-posting this post  (excerpt from post)

Either you are fucking multiple attractive young women who are in love with you, or you do not understand and do not have the skill sets involved.

There is no such thing as a man who could do that but chooses not to.  A fox sees grapes he can’t reach, and then tells himself those grapes were sour anyway.

And then he tell himself that all other foxes are deluded if they think they are getting high grapes.   “Your girlfriends are not really having orgasms you idiot!  Even though I have never met you or your girls, I know that!  God, how dumb can you be to think you are actually getting high grapes!”

on Rollo’s blog, and tweeting a link to it on my years old twitter account, Rollo replied:

[TL;DR Rollo is full of shit because he’s married. YaReally is too because he isn’t married yet. Read me instead because.

You aren’t full of shit. And the shit you are full of is not because you are married.

Read for comprehension.

You confuse some of your shit with the rest of your insights because you are not seducing and fucking young ass.

Or because you are too whipped to admit you are fucking young ass.

Take your choice.

Hehe,..I guess I should feel honored you’d start a Twitter account just to tell me all of that X.

From what I remember though, you’ve been ‘buying’ young ass in SEA for some time now. I’m not sure how that constitutes ‘seducing’ young ass, but hey, if you feel that what I write should be disregarded as ‘bad teaching’ because I’ve been married for 20 years, you can always look to Roosh for inspiration on how to live a rewarding life.

I still love you X. Yours has always been one of my earliest blog reads and I still pop over from time to time.

I agree with you that not censoring is the best method, because it shows the nature of the beast.

You have in your comment proved my point.

You believe that even though you have not met me or my girls, that I am lying about my personal experience. You HAVE to believe that.

Because YOU are not fucking young ass, it means I am paying for it.

That is exactly my point. You do not have a clue how to fuck young ass. And therefore you have no choice but to assume that I’m paying for it.

Discussion with commentors continues from here.  It’s surprising to me how much resistance many guys have even to the very idea of being with much younger women.  It must be about an identity crisis!  It must be about hormonal imbalance!  It must be about way out of whack priorities!  It must be this or that or that or this – but not about how great and life improving it is to be naked with young women.

People absolutely can’t stand having ambitions that seem out of reach, and will go so far as to deny other people the possibility that others have and are reaching good ambitions that they dare not have.

Making love requires high level cognitive development

So many things can go wrong for a developing brain.

And in order to maximize brain development, so many aspects of what it can do need to be trained up in concert.

Women have evolved to be able to quickly spot signs of physical and mental fitness. Now a lot of guys think that women don’t chose well; they are attracted to stupid brutes, and their choices can harm society.

And while it’s true that women don’t chose who to fuck based on math ability, it’s not right that the evolved instinctual preferences are stupid.

Let’s list again a few of the neuro-developmental problems that women quickly pick up on and quickly find unattractive:

• Autism spectrum disorders
• Atypical empathic responses as social deficits (sociopaths can be charming and display above average empathic ability)
• Cluster A personality disorders, including
  • Paranoid personality disorder:  irrational suspicion and mistrust of others, interpreting motivations as malevolent.
  • Schizoid personality disorder: lack of interest and detachment from social relationships, apathy, and restricted emotional expression.  Schizoid personality disorder is sometimes called Dismissive–avoidant attachment style, and refers to people who don’t want to emotionally bond with a mate.
  • Schizotypal personality disorder: extreme discomfort interacting socially, and distorted cognitions and perceptions.
• Cluster B dramatic, emotional or erratic disorders such as Antisocial personality disorder: disregard for and violation of the rights of others, lack of empathy, bloated self-image, manipulative and impulsive behavior.
  • Borderline personality disorder: instability in relationships, self-image, identity, behavior and affects often leading to self-harm and impulsivity.
  • Histrionic personality disorder: attention-seeking behavior and excessive emotions.
  • Narcissistic personality disorder: a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and a lack of empathy. Sometimes narcissists get an initial edge in the dating market when compared to dweebs, but after their masks are seen through, they get a major disadvantage over people with more sophisticated neuro-development; girls break up with narcissists. Narcissism is less of a disadvantage for pump and dump, but is a death blow to long term relationships. And even for pump and dump it’s less effective than a well rounded confident developed persona.
• Cluster C anxious or fearful disorders, such as
  • avoidant personality disorder: pervasive feelings of social inhibition and inadequacy, extreme sensitivity to negative evaluation.
  • Dependent personality disorder: pervasive psychological need to be cared for by other people.
  • Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (not the same as obsessive-compulsive disorder): characterized by rigid conformity to rules, perfectionism, and control to the point of satisfaction and exclusion of leisurely activities and friendships.

Skills that women find attractive that point to high communication between various functions of the brain:

• Dancing.  Dancing coordinates body and mind and emotions, plus requires being in simpatico with your dance partners. The best dancing requires being able to experience flow moments.
• Playing music, especially in a band.  Again coordinates body and mind and emotions, and the best music always involves flow moments.  Being in a band requires simpatico and coordination with others.
• Sports.  Body mind and strategy coordination, and team sports requires extra social ability to read and respond to your groups signals.
• Leadership.  Being socially comfortable at all is a high level skill that requires a well developed brain, however actually being seen of as a leader, and being effective at it is a display of many high level skills functioning effectively, over time.

And finally:

• Love.  I’ve heard so many stories of people meeting impressive people, and instantly being captivated by the force of their open love.  In my own life I’ve chosen mentors based in large part on this amazing ability.  My Grandmother was an incredible force of love, and my Father was a powerful man too.  Love is a very high level skill, that requires tremendous neuro-development.  Buddhists train for decades and decades in order to be able to open in love.  And it really shows.  It not only has a dramatic effect on personal happiness and well being, but provides a  social edge – people are immediately affected by the force of interpersonal openness.

I remember the first few times that I had sex, I was stuck in the narrative in my head.  I was not embodied.  There was what I considered as “me”, this storyline, running along in my head who thought that it controlled my body like strings control a puppet.

I was not integrated.  I was divided up into pieces.  If there were emotions, I’d often struggle with them.  It wasn’t that I was happy or sad or angry or horny, it was that emotions were impinging upon me.  It got so extreme at times that it was closer to the truth to say that I was hearing voices in my head than that I was having thoughts.  My self was disjointed.  I was not embodying emotions, and was forever separate even from the contents of my own mind and body.

So of course I could not meld into my lover.  I could not even meld into myself!

Nowadays when I have sex, it might start out as mechanical, but quickly becomes genuinely spiritual.  I am finely tuned in to my own bodies sensations, in a non-dual way – I embody them, while at the same time having control over them.  Just like being into and singing a song – you can control the mood and tempo of the music, but you are IN the music.  I may be subtly squeezing and releasing my perineum, while feeling energy in a ball below that and through my legs and below my feet, while simultaneously feeling a big pond of hot sex lava in my belly, while simultaneously having a heart so full of love that it fills my whole chest and spills down my arms to warm up my palms, while at the same time having energy up my spine and into my third eye, while at the same time breathing energies in and out of the top of my head, while at the same time screaming my head off in high pitched squeals, or low forceful grunts, or soft repetitive cooings.

And the whole time I am so finely tuned into my lovers signals, that if she approaches orgasm I don’t notice it at all; instead I FEEL it.  In my own body I FEEL her approaching orgasm, and my own pleasure increases dramatically.  In fact if I’m not warmed up it will be difficult not to come myself.  But if I’m in my full flow moment, her sex feeling and mine combine, and we both know it and both feel it, and the power and energy rises and rises, and is mixed with erotic force and love.

Making love is a high level orchestration of mind and body, and requires great neuro-development.  It’s an ongoing development – there is no end to the sophistication possible.

How to maintain loving passionate Multiple-LTRs.

I’m faithful to all my girls.

I won’t leave one for the other. I fuck them enough, spend enough quality time with them, and take care of their physical and financial needs. They know that as long as we are happy together that they have a future with me. That’s this man’s version of faithful.

I demand faithfulness in return. Females get pregnant and tend more towards emotional serial monogamy, and so female faithfulness means no other cock.

I’m not a playboy. I don’t philander and I don’t pump and dump. I have serious, passionate, interdependent soul and life entwining love relationships with all of my women.

But being able to do so is very similar to being able to be a writer. Or being able to be an entrepreneur. Or from what I’m told it could be similar to being able to be a balet dancer, or a comedian. You don’t do it because you want to do it. You do it because you have no other choice.

In order to get good at something difficult, something has to keep bringing you through the impossibly difficult times. Something has to drive you again and again through tensions and irritations. It has to be worth it.

For most people having more than one love interest would never be realistically worth it. So they would never gain the level of experience that is required to pull it off.

Sure, if an aspiring comedian could push a button and gain the comedy skills of a Steve Martin, he’d push it and enjoy being a comedian. But if he had to actually go through the arduous and uncertain years and decades to gain that skill and fruition? No. Nobody would do that. Nearly nobody would find it worth it.

You have to have no choice.

Writing is like that. You write because you have no other choice. Your brain is simply wired up to give you certain types of rewards for certain behaviours. You like to systematize thoughts and gain a pleasure in some polemic, whereas others prefer light chit chat and comforting ideas such as the belief that size doesn’t matter. People veer towards agreeableness and group-mind-delusion, or towards truth seeking and independence. Writers write alone, and gain a type of pleasure that haters label as “pseudo-intellectual”. The intellectual life is a stimulation that is pleasing, and the writing is mind sport. Invigorating like a well played tennis match.

And so it is with maintaining the passionate love of more than one woman, long term. If your brain is wired to give you the rewards for both love and non-monogamy, you will have a drive that most don’t and this can force you towards a skill that most never think to even contemplate.

I’ve been seeing both of my current girls for about 9 months now, fucking each from one to five times a day, most days. M25 has been with me for 3.6 years, with an early 4 months of that while I lived with another girl, and about 2.5 living together full time. N18 has been my doting bitch since we met 9 months ago. The passion with both of them is screamingly off the charts; peak experiences every day, after day, and a love bubble the rest of the time. I’m rarely alone, and why would I be.

Girls will do absolutely everything in their power to make a man monogamous. And they will never stop. Ever. Non-monogamy with any level of sexual and romantic intensity is unstable. You will get vicious threats. You will see girl fights. Every possible thing a girl can do to regain monogamy she will do. To maintain stability in such a situation a man needs to be more than just psychologically experienced. It helps to have hand in all areas.

Generally we are all specialists. Some men specialize in the one night stand, and don’t offer much emotionally other than thrills. Others are comfort and security and stability experts. I specialize in both areas – dopamine and oxytocin. I can give a woman ongoing high quality sexual heat and top notch sex, and make her feel like she is constantly in the midst of a passionate romance. And I can make her feel like she is part of a family that cares for her that she wants to care for; even if it’s just our family of the two of us, she belongs and we are the tribe. Lately I’m able to offer inclusion into a bigger tribe. And yet still I’m a specialist. My speciality is passion. I know how to quickly develop strong passion with a girl, and I know how to maintain and grow it day by day. Week by month and year after year. This is a very rare skill, and if you say that you want to have this skill, do you?

Do you want to be an entrepreneur?

Do you want to be a writer?

Do you want to be a comedian?

Do you want to be a master guitar player?

Do you want to put in your 10,000 hours?

Unfortunately, I don’t think it is a matter of want.

MUST you put in your 10,000 hours? Do you have no other choice in life?

If you want to grow a compulsion, pay attention to the rewards you feel.

I deliberately focus on feeling the rewards of love. Often. And sex. These rewards are crucial to me, and so I keep the top spinning.

These compulsions are a deliberate choice. Sex, chi-kung, entrepreneurship, raising my value in every possible way, building a joyful and rich community, even thinking and writing – all of these are a deliberate system to raise overall joy and maintain the best possible momentum of this spinning top. I know exactly what I’m doing and why, and I know how. And I’m old enough to have other histories in my life to give context to my current choice-less choice. I’ve fully explored other important compulsions, such as living as a monk, a meditative hermit, in meditation centers, and a family-man yogi. The current compulsions are carefully chosen, and properly cultivated. I know what I’m doing and why, and I know how to do it.

In order to succeed, you need to have no other choice. But you can choose to have no other choice. By deliberately focusing on the rewards. Not the rewards you hope to get, but each reward you do feel as you get it. You can train yourself the way Pavlov trained his dogs, and feel compelled by the rewards.

Learning to generate and feel love in your heart while alone is an excellent way to appreciate and sensitise to the rewards of interpersonal love. You’ll learn a language of feeling that will make the two of you glow among the zombies. Learning to appreciate beauty will allow your eyes to heat up a woman with your lust until her knees get weak. Learning to let go into finely orchestrated screaming ecstasies will sympatheticaly arouse a girls A game.

The rewards are there, and you can learn that you don’t want to ever again be without them. And why would you?

Young men misatribute the problem

Women behave badly. Women are difficult to deal with. The current culture is a culture of shitty women.

But the current culture is also one where men don’t know how to handle women. In fact just talking about how to handle your woman is taboo, and labeled misogyny.

Young men, if I may, let me offer some advice. Spend your life learning to become an alpha male who can handle women. Keep your heart able to be romantic – don’t fuck around TOO much, or you’ll lose your ability to bond and de-emphasize much needed long term relationship skills. But keep dating. Keep your dating social skills sharp and growing throughout your life.

Eventually you’ll find that women are manageable. What you thought was a problem with women, you’ll eventually find was a problem of not being able to manage women.

Yes, you will need Jedi level skills. Does that intimidate you? You can do it, if you put in the effort.

Modern times have given us men different managerial challenges. Women earn their own money, can fuck without getting pregnant, and there is a welfare state – so sex is divorced from being taken care of. And girls natter to each other advice to leave their good mates. These challenges can be met. You can arrange your life such that your job is portable, and you can cut out and leave a girl stranded. You can out earn your girl and get her to cut back on her hours or leave work to focus on attending to you. You can work with the architecture that works against you. You can set up a financial and lifestyle structure that gives you hand, and you can set up your household so that you are the man in charge who has options and she is afraid to lose you.

The principle skill you will need is being in charge. You’ll have to accustom your woman to taking orders.

So I’ll make a list, and put that at number one, and update it as other ideas occur.
1) Always be giving her commands. Commands to serve your needs, such as “make me breakfast” and commands to serve her needs. If she says “I’m tired”, and starts to lie down to rest, affectionately say “take a sleep”. Spin her decision into your command.
2) Tell her what to wear, both around the house and when she accompanies you out.
3) Don’t believe her brinkmanship gambits.
4) Believe your own brinkmanship gambits.
5) Undercut her hand by removing her ability to carry out threats. Keep your finances separate and untouchable, always have escape routes, have some videos of you having consensual sex.
6) Be decisive and lead. Out of the blue say “We’re going out. Wear your white dress”.
7) Manhandle her a lot. During sex, and outside of sex.
8. When out with her, have her hold the correct posture – holding your upper forearm.
9) Use guilt to keep her doing enough work
10) Use dread to keep her feeling other girls would work harder for you.
11) Keep yourself attractive, so that could realistically pull a new replacement girl at any time.
12) Have the power in the relationship. Whoever needs the other person less has the power.
13) Say “I love you” no more than 1/4 as much as she does.
14) Fuck a lot. Know how to extend your fucking time as long as you want. Don’t come every time.
15) Be commanding when you fuck. Tell her things to say.
16) Do role playing, in and out of sex.
17) Occasionally make her jealous.
18) Know what is a shit test, know how to pass it, and never fail any shit test at the risk of everything. This will require you to be a stubborn bastard who would rather face extreme risks and lose than to give an inch. This works together with #5.
19) Don’t be afraid of being a person that she is afraid of. She should be afraid of you.
20) To the degree that you can show anger and indifference you can allow yourself to show love and care and concern. Don’t be afraid of extremes – the key is balance.
21) If she is asking for negative attention, give gentle feedback to stop it, then be patient several times, while giving more explicit feedback. If she persists, snap without warning and give her 100 times worse negative attention than she was asking for. It helps if this publicly humiliates her. Snapping without warning is a strategy to get her to watch her step because you are unpredictable and she doesn’t want to cross your line. Her making you pissed off only makes you lose if she isn’t afraid of it happening again. Cause her some sort of pain and loss that she didn’t want. Afterwords make it clear that if she treats you well, you’ll treat her well, and that if she treats you bad, you’ll treat her 100 times worse.
22) Ignore and don’t respond to most of what she says. If she tries to talk girl stuff with you, tell her “talk to your girlfriends about that”. Occasionally tell her to stop talking, or just hold a finger up to your lips. If she does not comply escalate to pinching her lips. If she still doesn’t comply, escalate again, up to physically throwing her out of your door. Girls need attention, but they don’t need attention on demand. It’s essential that she shuts the fuck up when you tell her to. “What are you thinking about?” needs no reply, and once properly conditioned to silence as a reply, she won’t press it. You talk when you want to talk; you aren’t some dancing puppet activated by a give-me-attention switch.
23) Generally hold a good and loving mood. If done right she will miss you even while shopping for groceries.
24) Punctuate your times of simple pleasures with extreme pleasures and adventures that lay down strong memories.
25) Keep an eye on her emotions. If she’s getting bored and listless despite your alternating the moods in your house, take her out.
26) Never promise monogamy.
27) Give frequent positive feedback, for even slight things she does that makes you happy. Praise every good meal and mean it. Say “good girl” when she is being a good girl. Make her feel valued and enjoy the feeling that you get from valuing her. Keep this as your default mood, expressed even by silence.
28) Watch the phrasing of your sentences. Every thing you say conveys a mood – each word bring up associations. Manage the moods through your words. You can take this to any level of subtlety. It’s worth it to know the principles of NLP and hypnotic suggestion.
29) Make positive suggestions, such as a cheefully exclaimed “we are happy people”, or “back home to our happy apartment”. These suggestions if said with force of genuine emotion become real. If you have good timing and voice control, you can even tell her that she loves you. Voice control means your voice needs to believe it. Timing means saying it was natural to the conversation or silence.
30) Regularly call her “woman”, as in “What the hell are you talking about, woman?”
31) Say unexpected things and make her laugh
32) Have a few catchphrases and stylistic quirks. Even the sound you make when you wake up in the morning or are tired can be a quirky noise that is an in-joke that reminds her of your uniqueness. Give her hooks to use to remember you with. Like any memorable TV personality, be a personality that has quirks and habits that are unique and celebrated.
33) Feed her hope that you will give her a bright future
34) Make mellifluous and sonorous low grunts of agreement.
35) Mate guard her and don’t give her opportunities to be tempted. She’s not some buddy you hang out with and expect good behavior from otherwise she’s “bad”. Like a child, her behavior is a reflection on what you inspire and what you allow. Keep an eye on the woman and never trust her. That’s your job as a man.
36) Do various subtle push pull maneuvers. Tell her “Go away, stop making me horny. Go take your pill. Go!” while your feet kick her off the edge of the bed.
37) Bring out the occasional sense of foreboding and loss. It could be by mentioning you going away, or death, or anything. Create images in her head and moods. It’s not safe to just be cuddly lovey all the time – you must alternate that with contrasting moods, such as loss, dread, and jealousy. If you are painting appreciation for you, realize that there is no light without contrasting darkness. But just use little dollops of pure black here and there. Your full canvas will be busy with other colors and shades.
38) Never say “I told you so”, and when you are proven wrong in a dispute, don’t point attention to it; just let it drop without apology. If you win a petty battle and conclude it with a gotcha, you’ve lost the war. She is under you, under your command. The second you say “I told you so” you frame it that she was not under you, but that she was your adversary. Being gracious displays your confident authority, and is an expression of how you hold the mood of your household. Youre woman won’t play I told you so games at you if you are a respectable authority.