I’m playing around on my acoustic six string this morning, and have thoughts about improv that I think reverberate and echo widely into game and life.
When I was 16 I’d goof around haphazardly on the family stand up piano in the basement. Being of mild cluster C tentencies (anorexia, obsessive compulsive, struggling against neurotic thoughts) I liked to do a lot of tricky finger excersices. My thinking was that this would naturally lead into musical ability.
Later I wandered into the high school music classroom, during a free period, when all students could structure their own time. One guy was doing some simple chord progressions, with some non-technical melody in the right hand, using a slow tempo. It was a life changeing eye opener that I’ve never forgotten. I tell this story often. He put emotion into his music, and that was far more important than a universe of technical ability. It drew people in, drew him in, drew me in. It was an ability from another universe. I had no idea how he did that.
It would take me many decades of life and feeling and being open to emotions of every kind to be able to have something to bring to and pull out of the piano. The piano now is a completely different thing to me, because I’m a different thing.
We create our realities, within biological and physical and social constraints. But those constraints are bigger than any of us can comprehend. Music itself has been evolving over the centuries, and faster and faster. Social structures are also opening to more and more options. There is tremendous room within the facts to CREATE facts. Technology is the perfect example of this. We not only live within a bounded reality, but we use what we are given to paint and sculpt and compose and dance and sing and write and fuck our way into new worlds, that we create as we discover them.
You can make more beautiful and simply better music, using one string played emotionally, than 6 or 8 played with virtuosity. Guitar teachers, in fact any teacher, will tell you to try to avoid starting with bad habits.
Some teachers will tell you to never play even one note that doesn’t sound sweet. Focus on the sound, not the melody.
It’s similar with seduction and maintaining passionate romance. Technical game ability can get in the way of the moment – it’s not about your routine, or even quite so much about what you say. Or even do. It’s about emotion and what you are mutually creating into and out of your instrument. With seduction and charisma, your instrument is the other person. You are dancing emotions with her, feeding your emotions in and pulling her emotions out. Is the note sweet? Start with the note, and if you move on to melodies and beats, always pay attention to the note.
The guitar string can convey emotion just out of one note, depending on how you play it, and of course single string melodies can bring out more emotions. Add more strings and you can incorporate more elements of music, such as a repeating base line, or even a harmonic melodic base line. You can slide one string while plucking an open one. You can use double entendre and nuance, and convey several emotions at once; longing, sadness, joy, bitter sweet struggle, devotion.
Charisma and game is exactly like that.
You need to be able to first make one sweet note, then expand out, never losing the feel for what music fundamentally is embedded in, which is emotion.
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Ultimately music is about creating and playing our own compositions. Mussorgsky changed the nature of music in his lifetime, it has been said, BECAUSE he was unschooled. He din’t know any better than to make something new. If you learn some musical patterns, or game patterns, these can not only open up possibilities, but they will also usually limit your view of what are your options. You’ll stick to the script, stick to what you believe that the pattern is supposed to be.
But that’s not how you write music, or how you interact with another person. You are always listening to that guitar string, playing with what it is giving to you. Listening to what emotions and sounds and chord progressions and melodies are coming out of the piano.
I’ve been very extreme in my musical development and focus on improv. I’ve learned a few difficult pieces, and these have greately expanded what my improv can be, and I want to learn more and more of other peoples music, but piano or guitar, for me, always comes back to improv. I say piano instead of music, because piano is a person that I interact with – it’s not an abstraction. The guitar is a different person, and brings out very different music.
When you free form improv, either with a woman or guitar, you might use some fundamental structures, but you have to more than merely bend those structures or add a few dissonant notes. You have to be listening to the instrument. Your own moods will come out of it, and yet often surprise you. You’ll be constantly micro-adjusting, or sometimes wildly diverting, based on what you hear. Different parts of your own mind are talking to each other, through your hands, the instrument, and the sound. They could not converse without this medium.
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I’ve switched to playing my acoustic in the laptop position. It suits my interests and abilities better. My left hand is damaged and so I can’t play important bar chords used in a strumming style, and learned to prefer a single (or multiple) string finger or plectrum picking style. It’s easier for me to hammer on and off and slide and move around the fretboard with it on my lap. I also use an open tuning, so that I can also strum chords by simply holding all strings down to one fret.
I’ve seen guys use this style of playing on stage. The body language conveys a more contemplative mood, and their music is always far from the heavy metal that must only come from a different guitar posture. The body language suits the music I prefer to make.
This also has a corresponding analogue in charm. I needn’t explain it; I think if you use your imagination you’ll picture it clearer than if I give you the image.
Or maybe you’ll picture something very different than what I have in mind.
Which will prove my point. Game and charisma and music will be altered by your history, perspective, and interests.
This is not something to fight, but to lean into. You’re going to be leaning into the unknown, over and over, and often living well outside of your comfort zone. That’s what music and social interaction does; it expands what you used to think of were your options. That often comes with some emotional strain.
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As a teenager I was once invited by two of the most handsome and cool guys in the school to join their clique, and hang around with them. That was too far outside of my comfort zone at the time. I rationalized this discomfort by looking down on them a bit, in my mind. It was a missed opportunity, that I passed up because I was safe in my smaller world.
Game is most often taught as a way to make you happy within a small world – game usually is taught in a way that keeps you safe.
But charisma won’t be what other people teach you, and it won’t be safe. You’ll be learning things that others don’t and can’t possibly know, things unique to you.
And you’ll be opening to new women and their worlds.
In order to gain positive reference experiences, it helps to be a social climber. If you are young, you’ll get good feedback from older women. As you become more worldly you may find your girlfriends and lovers getting younger and younger.
When I was 28 I had a 48 year old lover. At 50 I had a 16 year old one. Plus a 17 year old one plus a 24 year old one, plus a 23 year old one, plus a distant 17 year old one who was considering leaving her fiance for me.
People find it too much an insult to their ego to believe that I am a real guy, telling the truth about his life. It’s too much narcissistic injury. This is one reason I write so many diary type posts; to humanize my dating philosophy and ground it in real life experience, so you can see this as part of the human condition.
Many people will dissimulate like mad to claim that my personal currently lived life and my past experiences can’t possibly relate to what are their own possibilities, if they are even true at all. They don’t much care which option to choose – either it’s fake or irrelevent – all they want is a quick way out of personal responsibility to change their own world. This is a defence mechanism, and nearly always comes from people deliberately keeping their options and world narrow, because it’s far more comfortable that way to them.
Random Xpat Rantings 
In researching the biomechenics of addiction for this comment https://xsplat.wordpress.com/2017/10/05/11156/#comment-29344, I came accross information about differences in how the left and right brain process information, and how each can sometimes work as distinct characters that we inhabit.
I think you’ll notice that most of what I advocate, in terms of relationship skills and seduction, is very right brain oriented. I’d like to do a long write up about it.
I’ve spent a great many years working diligently, without being aware of it, to be able to embody my right brain – since age 12 actually – first with self-hypnosis, then mind centered then body centered meditations, intellect to see the edges of intellect through studying Buddhist philosopy, lucid dreaming, post-meditative wide spacial awareness as habit, poetry writing, and later with musical improvisation (that I usually do using the left hand, which is controlled by the right brain).
Lately when talking about seduction I mention improv often, and mindfullness and awareness and music.
Apparently bonding and social relations are handled by the right brain.
It also thinks in terms of quality, instead of quantity. It would be an EXTREMELY left brain approach to go for notches, while not being interested in the quality of the relationship and sex.
The first video is an introduction video with animation, the second is a more in depth talk, and the third repeats information in the 2nd talk but goes into more depth. You can youtube Dr. Iain McGilchrist
In this third talk McGilchrist mentions that left brain music is only involved with beat, there is no harmony and melody.
I’ve often ridiculed hip-hop as lacking in harmony and melody. Amazing. I must assume that hip-hop is both adopted by and leads to left brain oriented people. Also I assume that modern society is heavily influenced by cocaine, meth, adderall and ritalin types of drugs, instead of the pot and lsd and heroin that influenced musicians in the ’60s and ’70s.
He also mentions that culture on the whole is becoming more left brained, and children are now needing to be taught how to recognize facial expressions – a right brained activity.
For me, not drifting into left brain seeming to be the driver of conciousness requires regular habit maintenance. The habits of meditation and chi-kung – especially when combined and practiced daily – have profound changes on how my mind works. Music and improvisation also seem to be making big changes. And I have to include now, only now just realizing it, the improv that happens when talking to my girlfriends – or fucking them. The sex of course can sometimes be a profound meditative bliss experience, or it can slip into something more banal and routine. But the verbal back and forth – I did not realize until now that this is also a type of poetry writing, or left-right integration that is heavily right brained.
***
I’ve often been very critical of Rollo, and I assume that a lot of people may be confused by what I’m going on about, and why. I’ve called his worldview a cartoonish diorama, barely representative of the real world. I also have called him a keyboard jockey with little first hand knowledge who instead relies on his diorama. In a recent post I highlighted in bold and magenta that it’s crucial for life satisfaction not to live inside a diorama.
Keyboard jockey knowledge is worse than useless. It’s a diorama. Don’t live in a diorama – that will only get in the way of embodying joy.
After seeing the videos by McGilchrist I have greater clarity into what I meant by that bold statement and why it’s so incredibly fucking important.
The map is not the territory, no matter how much effort you put into detail. Don’t live inside your mental map of the territory. It’s disastrous. The map is a tool you reference – your mind and body can creatively and vividly occupy space, with the intellect helping along as an occasional reference guide. You are not your narrative.
As soon as you get stuck inside the map, you can no longer learn and grow and respond uniquely to the situation. You can’t adapt. You can’t be a better person. You can’t be that confident dominant male that women treat unbelievably well, whether he’s a provider or not.
Being a keyboard jockey is a left brained activity of referring to abstract yet fixed ideas. Forming ideas happens in the right brain, and then the become fixed in the left, where you can refer to the abstract ideas as needed. These ideas can be highly resistant to change unless one steps out of the left brain again, in order to re-organize using new fresh lived experience.
As an example of how abstract left brain knowledge is, a person with right hemisphere brain damage will be able to recognize the abstract category of a bird, and recognize if they see a bird, but will no longer be able to tell any species from any other. Both the wider picture of multiple interacting contexts plus the uniqueness of qualities of character will be missing. Along with much so very much else. “All birds are like that”
Being embodied in the world is completely different than living inside a diorama of left brain narrative. It’s big picture and women are not “fungible” and “all like that”. Each situation and woman is unique, and handled uniquely, on the spot.
It’s left vs right brain.
The left brain ABSOLUTELY CAN NOT handle relationships. DON’T take advice from a predominantly left brained keyboard jockey theorist! It is out of touch. You absolutely need to live the life you write about, and constantly update it. If you aren’t constantly changing your opinion and viewpoint, you are just stuck in left brained book worm knowledge, and I hate to tell you the bad news, but that knowledge is already out of date, and by nature irrelevent to your personal current situation, which is organic and something that you must not only KNOW, but instead GROW.
——–
I wish I could find the transcripts of Ian McGilchrists talks. He has some real gems in his talks. I don’t mind listening to his same basic talk to different audiences; it’s like a piece of music; I always hear something new in it with each listening.
Another very important researcher who started out as a highly passionate fringe researcher is Susan Blackmore. I’d say that both Susan’s and Ian’s work are foundational to any education, and any life. Really important, basic stuff. Susan for her initial debunking of out of body experiences and esp, but then her work on the nature of consciousness, and memetics. Ian and Susan changed what reality means by showing us what it is; they CREATED a new reality for us. It will never be the same.
I’ll use this comment space for the first draft of the post.
You might be interested in this MA thesis. She investigates links beteen split-brain research and Buddhism, among other things:
https://books.google.com.my/books?id=aRK-CQAAQBAJ&pg=PP1&lpg=PP1&dq=louise+bolton+king+beyond+ego&source=bl&ots=xiYXJ9MEaT&sig=jvCw-RNsh8Y5kfzNSd0Lu0TvlTw&hl=en&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwj6orT2xqDeAhUHYo8KHUQSBRwQ6AEwCHoECBEQAQ#v=onepage&q=louise%20bolton%20king%20beyond%20ego&f=false
Thanks for that. How and when did you come across that? That’s extremely relevant.
I stumbled upon it sometime in the 1980s. I was very interested in Taoism back then, so I made a (hard) copy.
Amazing.
Such interests are rare, and I love coming across them shared in others.
I used to think that I was spreading interest in Chi-Kung, and so when I heard that Yohami also practices it, I asked him how he heard about it, and he happened to chance upon it himself, I think also decades ago. So although he never speaks about it, it’s certain to inform the world that he’s built and what he sees. He’ll be a very different person and have a very different world and be describing a very different elephant than someone who has not done body centered meditations regularly. And this will very much alter how he deals with women, although he may not know how or why, and would have to put a lot of left brained effort to try to tease out the many ways that happens.
I’m only coming across the left/right brain knowledge in such detail now – just these last few days. It really puts things in context in a very helpful way.
I bet there is also practical application for addiction recovery in the field of left/right brain attention and habit forming somewhere – or at least some initial avenues of exploration.
Yohami made some great comments overy at daysofgame.com, and I’ve been meaning for some time to sift through them and copy them here, and to add commentary.
These are healthier and more productive tools and memes than what is usually circulated.
I can get quite upset about bad memes. I consider them to be akin to addictive drugs or toxic food. They can grow exponentially in popularity yet have horrible negative repurcussions.
So I’m happy to not only refute inadequate and harmful memes (dark triad, beta-bucks, cluster C paroinia and attachment aversion as in-group badges of belonging, etc), but to introduce some of my own, and now here repeat some good ones.
This is Yohami at his best writing that I’ve seen. I disagree with some of his ideas and emphasis at other times, but here he’s really talking from personal experience and explaining it well, in what seems to be a unique and highly insightful way:
From https://daysofgame.com/theory/daygamers-best-social-scientists/
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On a different topic, perhaps for another post, I’m often struck by how low conflict my last two main relationships have beein; the current with J and the last with V. Some other girls seem to rarely be able to calm down for long, and enjoy causing conflict. I guess they are called “high conflict personalities”. I suppose my Mom must have been one, and I’ve had a WAY above average percentage of them as mates and lovers. I’m really enjoying the difference, and am learning a lot about two people just making each other happy, and trying hard not to bother or upset each other. I now know it’s possible, because I did it for 3 years steady with V, and about 10 months so far with J21. Never any arguments, very positive energy all the time. It’s just sharing happiness and warmth and love and passion, with no bothers at all. Such a huge difference. It’s a shame that some of the other girls were really irredeemable; I tried and tried and tried in so many different ways to get them to see the light and moderate and modulate their behaviour, but no, they were simply addicted to conflict, deep down, in a horrible twisted and permanent core of their being way.
Again, I’ll be using this comment as an editing space.
More place holder ideas, and quotes from Yohami. He made a lot of very good comments at Daysofgame.com at around the Jan 2018 month area.
https://daysofgame.com/theory/paul-janka-escalation-lmr-free-ebook-download/
Robinhood says:
01/15/2018 at 3:05 pm
Yohami the kind of Top guy you describe here, what i have noticed is girls will try to lock him down instead of using such high caliber just for sex..
YOHAMI says:
01/15/2018 at 3:44 pm
Robin – yes they try very quickly. Sometimes after the first one night stand even. I got love letters after one night stands. Which is ridiculous. Kind of heart breaking if you look at it from the beta frame.
Yohami “It’s like you have a picture of the world where there are only betas and PUAS,…”
…
“When I agreed with you that the girls want the top-guy for a relationship I didn’t know you were talking about women trying to snatch a provider.
I was talking about the normal cycle when you’re having sex for a while and after a period of time ‘her feelings change’ and now she wants to have the talk, starts being jealous about other girls, starts nesting, leaving stuff at your home, becomes more possessive and starts with the power plays.
That’s a gradual process and in a normal situation takes from a few weeks to a few months.
When I hit “top guy” it started taking days or hours.
So it’s very dishearting to see “real love” on the eyes of a girl who doesn’t even know you, but she knows ‘you’re the one’ and it’s like she’s going to die and will never be able to find another man like you after you just banged her once or twice.
It’s sad because it stomps on all your beta illusions about love if you still have some, like I had.
Then it became a joke. “how long before ‘she’s in love’ and wants to nest”
In some cases right after banging a girl she revealed she already had written a love letter.
Women are psychos.
Has nothing to do with women making beta wait. This is in the polar opposite spectrum.”
YOHAMI says:
01/16/2018 at 6:53 pm
Robin,
“you manage to get success on top of your manly aggressive persona, will you be pussified?Yes. Since it makes you a provider guy, not fast sex guy.”
No.
“Thats why its better to hide success even if you are succesful.”
You’re 180 degrees wrong. Even a very superficial screening of the world will tell you so: look outside.
YOHAMI says:
01/16/2018 at 6:56 pm
Chulo,
Krauser is basically bad at this. I don’t mean to dis the guy as I learned from him, we talked a few times. The guy is a leader, showing his face and building his power pyramid.
But he’s wrong. He’s so wrong his own actions negate whatever you’re trying to argue here.
“So Top Guy = slow sex.”
Drop the text book and check the reality. This is an idiotic point.
…”“you’re not competing with a stronger alpha”
But the fear of competing with a stronger alpha IS the feminized part. So yeah, there’s discomfort and fear and pain etc but that is PRECISELY why that is the path to take.
How else do you become a man? it has to be faced frontally, it’s not something that will just ‘happen’ to you.”
Xsplat: I’m very competitive at the gym, and have to work to tone that down. (One way I try to tone it down is by reminding my heart to feel love and stretch that love out into care and joy for each everyone around me) I try to find the strongest people, people that I could lose contests against, and challenge them. It’s MORE fun if I have a chance to lose. It’s embarassing to me if I challenge guys who appear weaker than me. It’s still fun if the guy LOOKS stronger than me, but it’s obvious ONLY TO ME, that he’s not as strong.
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YOHAMI says:
01/19/2018 at 8:58 am
Well the point is that calibrating an alpha and calibrating a beta re different things. When you calibrate as an alpha is about how to be ‘better’ in charge, how to lead ‘more’, how to get ‘what you want’, how to be a ‘stronger rock’.
So it’s not about bending back and being submissive and scared and bendy and pushovery and catering to her desires with the hope that as a result she’ll reward you with sex and attention.
It’s about leading, paying attention on what opportunities open sou you can advance more, press her buttons better, and properly dominate the her and the situation.
from https://daysofgame.com/street_game/a-close-call-with-a-married-woman/#comment-4782
YOHAMI says:
05/19/2018 at 9:58 am
So, here’s a fucking manifesto
The stuff happening in the Blue’s texting game matches a lot of what I saw in Cobrantula’s texting, as well as Robinhood. Is there a reason for that? maybe you’re all following a ‘daygame’ rulebook or something. Lucretius texts had a flavor of this as well.
What am I talking about?
Disjointed. Random. Neggy. Obtuse. Non flirty. Chasing. Going for rapport. Etc. There’s a pattern here. I will call it:
BUTTON MASHING GAME
The good news is that because it’s all the same crap all over again, the remedy is the same. The solution is the same. Here’s it:
========================================================
You need to learn to be an attractive man.
So this is not just about ‘what phrases can you say’. You’re going to dance a courtship routine with a girl. So you can’t just memorize a few moves and then do them on your own at random times. That’s now what the dance is about.
What is the dance about you say?
She will screen you and compare you against all the other men she can also have, see how you measure against them, she’ll offer you her fertility but ‘puzzled’ in between walls and obstacles and you have to do the right combination.
This is why you can’t ‘button mash’ your way into her. You do the wrong sequence at the wrong moment and it’s over. And she will explicitly set you up in situations where you either do the right sequence or it’s over, and she will do that over and over and over again till forever.
Do you understand?
You need to LOOK at her and understand what is going on. You need to KNOW what you are doing. You can’t button mash.
At the end of every interaction with a girl you need to KNOW what went right and what went wrong. You need to know what she responded positively to, and negatively too, you need to have a map, at the end, of where are the doors and what are the walls. Even if you failed, you need to know why. And if you ‘succeed’ and bang her, you also need to know why.
If you don’t know what is going on, then you’re not doing Game.
But I said you have to learn to be an attractive man.
How do you do that?
1) You need to learn to be a sociable human first.
2) Then you need to learn to be a dominant human who is at the top of the human hierarchy and it’s associated behaviors.
3) Then you need to learn to express sexually from that position.
4) Then you need skill and experience
I can succint the ‘bottom mash game pattern’ like this:
You are acting like a non-fully human being, doing socially inept interactions, acting as someone who’s at the bottom pole of the hierarchy and needs to please and kiss butt, unable to express sexual interest in a way that is not ‘pushing against rejection’ or ‘incorporating defeat in your own intent’, plus unskilled at it
Do you see it? This is why you can’t just do ‘1000 more approaches’ and get good. It’s like going to the gym for 1000 days but doing the wrong stuff and eating pizza. This won’t work.
You need to FOCUS and do it right. Like you’re playing and instrument. You need to do the RIGHT THING again and again and again and again until it becomes muscle memory and it becomes an integral part of who you are.
You won’t hit that with button mashing quick fix parrot game. And you wont have success with girls either. 1 in 200 means you’re disposable and you’re just being used by a random girl who couldn’t ABSOLUTELY do any better. Don’t be a fucking trashcan.
So how do you fix it.
Drop Game for a wile. Fix the stuff from the ground up.
YOU NEED TO BE A SOCIABLE HUMAN
Become good at dealing with people, reacting on your feet to social interactions, being comfortable with being the center of attention, and being a supportive character, learn to chit chat, deep chat, make jokes, etc. How? meet more people, put yourself in uncomfortable situations, etc.
Doing pickup is useless here and doesn’t count, because in pickup you’re interacting with a predetermined formula and a predetermined goal. Pickup means you’re trying to do the same thing again and again and again to get better at it.
What I recommend is taking an ‘improv’ or improvisation theatre course and hit it hard. To supplement that join as many social groups as you can and do as weird shit as you possibly can.
What you need to get from this is to channel what it is to be human, how humans respond, etc, need to be able to read human interactions. This is the basic cure for the ‘randomness’ of the button mashing game.
YOU NEED TO LEARN TO BE A DOMINANT HUMAN WHO IS AT THE TOP OF THE HUMAN HIERARCHY AND IT’S ASSOCIATED BEHAVIORS
Besides social interactions being ‘easy’, they need to be easy for you when you’re in power. The tricky part here is that as soon as a human gets in power they become an asshole. People are not used to have power and become the worst part of themselves when get get a taste of it and become abusive and hideous.
Then some people don’t want to touch having power, I hear the ‘I don’t want to be alpha’ all the time, or “I am not top guy” which is fucking nonsense.
If you want to be good at Game then you need to be an attractive man which means you must become a ‘self reassured, dominant, confident man who takes shit from no one’ and there’s one, and only one, way to get that done which is to become the guy who is at the top of the pyramid.
And you must go there in behavior and socially.
How?
Stop being a fucking victim.
Take fucking full control of your life and your circumstances.
Focus on who you want to be. Find out what your boundaries are. Enforce your boundaries. Kick out the people out of your life who wont respect your boundaries.
Put yourself in life situations where you are the one in charge, and where choices and decisions have repercussions and you’re the one to blame and to point at when things go right and when they go wrong.
Organize events. Be the boss of the hobby club. Be the master of the ‘dungeons and dragons’ party. Make parties. Be the one volunteering to the ‘improv’ sessions so all the eyes are on you. Be the lead singer on a band. Be the guy with the photography project that everyone is going to look at. Be the center.
Then find the way to be at EASE there.
Learn to expect that your voice is heard, that your commands are obeyed, that your desires matter, learn to grow appreciation for when people are in compliance, learn how to reward people for wanting to play along with you. Learn to be GOOD at being on top.
But how to speed things up?
In my case I made a list of all the behaviors that were ‘bottom guy’ and I just stopped doing these.
The social rules are hardcoded and if you’re acting like bottom guy, then you get slotted as a bottom guy and get the associated rewards. So, try stopping all bottom guy behavior.
You’ll have a lot of ‘free time’ and anxiety. That’s fine.
You’ll fill that vacuum with more top guy and leadership activities, more social groups, more high-life type of stuff. But first you have to drop the bad framing you set for yourself. Yes, you’re the one framing you there. It’s you. The rest of the world is just playing along with you. You told them who you were, now they play along.
What are the behaviors attached to top guy / dominant male / top of the hierarchy?
Entitlement, dominance, sense of humor, playfulness, asertiveness, confidence, swagger. Then breaking rapport, non-chase, self-sustained, boundary pushing, boundary asserting, attention seeking (and mastery) and so on.
YOU NEED TO LEARN TO EXPRESS YOURSELF SEXUALLY AS A DESIRABLE MAN
When bottom guy expresses sexual interest it’s always as if you’re doing them a favor. Or, you’re paying them back for some effort or sacrifice they made. Or they are expressing their pain that they can’t get what they want in hopes that someone will throw them a bone. Or it comes as a ‘trick’ like it’s a con-job, how to fool a girl or how to find the flaw in a girl or how to make her weak so bottom guy can get away with a quasi rape.
What all this comes from is from being an undesirable male.
All this is an undesirable male trying to have sex.
There’s no amount of Game that will fix it.
So how does the desirable man express his sexuality?
Where bottom guy is always interacting with rejection, top guy is always interacting with desire.
But how?
Fucking laser focus.
When you interact with the girl, you ping her desire, instead of pinging her rejection.
But how?
You flirt. Aka, you express nuanced sexual interest. When she reacts positively, you invest more.
That thing that sounds so simple ‘when she reacts positively, you invest more’ is the whole thing.
1) You ping. You tease. You flirt. You initiate. You display. You propose. You invite her to dance.
2) She reciprocates. She opens. She complies. She follows. She responds with ‘arousal’
3) You double down on her YES, which makes it bigger. You TAKE ACTION and escalate.
4) Iterate
Without this in place, or what bottom guy would do goes like this
1) You go against her wall trying to climb it or smash it or punish her for having a wall, you go too far, or don’t go at all, try to make the ho say no, or are scared of the ho saying no
2) She sets a wall because what is she supposed to do with this crap?
3) Iterate
Do you see it?
YOU NEED SKILL AND EXPERIENCE
You need to be repeating the whole thing, all at once. Being sociable, being in power, and being sexual. Being sociable, being in power, and being sexual. Being social, being in power, and sexual. Power, social, sexual.
You need to hammer the right archetype and hammer and hammer and hammer and hammer and hammer and hammer and hammer and repeat and repeat and repeat and repeat.
And with every iteration, like when you’re gaining any other skill, new things come clearer to you.
And you can’t do this with ‘daygame’ or ‘pickup’ it’s not enough.
You need to be on this train from the moment you open your eyes in the morning, to the moment you close your eyes. It needs to be all-life encompassing.
Because this isn’t about ‘banging girls’ this is about WHO YOU ARE.
You need to be social, in power, and sexual. Always.
Enter a social interaction? be social. Make it interesting. Make them laugh. Learn something new. Touch people
Enter a social interaction? be in power. Make it work. Enforce boundaries. Test boundaries. Inject humor. Draw attention. Make everyone like pleasing you.
Enter a social interaction? are they cute girls? Flirt. Make sexual remarks. Arouse them. When they switch to ‘yes’ even a little, and they ALWAYS DO, then double down, raise the temperature, then let them go, then iterate.
Watch every fucking single guy who is good with women.
SOCIAL.
IN POWER.
SEXUAL.
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And now the most painful thing I’ve read in a month. Blue’s texting paradigm.
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She was difficult. She told me she is difficult.
That’s her problem, not yours.
And I set boundaries with her and contradicted her.
This is frame clash, aka you going against her walls and putting walls to her walls. Do this only when you are going to arouse her with it. So, are you trying to arouse her, or are you just naturally attracted to a girl’s defenses? are you trying to arouse her, or are you trying to bring her defenses down?
Even when getting her number, she gave me the number without the last digit, so I had to try all numbers from 1-9 to find her lol She’s used to being a boss of men.
Did she tell you that the number was missing a digit? was in in purpose?
Is this how she would treat Leonardo Dicaprio? if not, what does that say about how she looks at you?
Guys get confused here “but I am not Dicaprio”. The point is that your BEHAVIOR has to be in match with top guy, or your behavior will be unattractive. Capisce?
So she may not treat you like Dicaprio, but you have to reply as if you are, which makes her align with you and treat you like you are. This is just about aligning her behavior with who you really are, and you have to be THE FUCKING MAN.
Her: Here’s my number, without the last digit
Me: Well I can’t call you like that can I
Her: Try the numbers 1-9 and you’ll find me
Me: What’s in it for me?
Her: .. that you will talk to me?
Me: Im talking to you now. You’re silly (pass her the phone)
Me: Put your whole number or forget about it.
Be the fucking man.
Me: Hello girl that is so nice and easy with me
Me: I found you 😉
Your impression with her was pathetic enough she set a wall to her fucking phone number.
Now you’re showing her you’ll go the extra mile and jump through the hoops.
And you even ‘flirt’ with that emoticon to that. You’re flirting to the wall. You’re rewarding bad behavior. You are telling her ‘do more of this, I like it’. Like a submissive dog. This shit is infuriating for me, and repulsive to the bone for women, which means
Me: I found your number, where’s my blowjob?
Her: Hahahaha
You’re dealing with an EVIL motherfucker. Is this the 1 in 200 you can bang?
This is the kind of motherfucker evil bitch you have to stay away from.
Me: This is you
Me: [Photo of a cartoon girl that looks like her]
This is free validation. But it shows you put the extra effort in finding a cartoon so you’re putting her forward up on a pedestal. Like doing the pickup, dealing with a bad phone number is not enough, then putting the work like a good dog and getting a machiavellian ‘hahaha’ is not enough, you want to sweeten the deal even more and put extra fucking work and put her on a pedestal even more.
If anything the reverse would have worked. Neg the shit out of her with an ugly picture. This would have been ‘better’ but we’re dealing with a bitch in a broken frame. This is not a situation where you should be ‘gaming’
Me: (picture of a fat woman in bed)
Me: Remember to exercise or you’re become like this
Her: Yes, that is me
Her: Very beautiful
She takes the free validation and gives nothing in return
Me: Eh sorry, I meant this one (pic of something outrageous)
It’s not that negging is the only way to deal with girls: We’re dealing with a girl who is pushing down and needs to be brought down. This is a simple dominance contest. She’s pushing down, you push her down.
What you’re doing, Blue, is rolling on the floor with your belly up.
Me: I like parks. I like books. And I like ice cream. But not chocolate ice cream.
WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK IS THIS.
I read that this is you ‘swinging your dick’. Nope. ‘Swinging’ is about expressing your ‘social, sexual, in power’ vibe with some story telling, teasing, messing with her, crossing boundaries, bossing her around, flirting, negging, etc, all the small but fun stuff that happens in social / sexual interactions when you’re not having sex but are going to have it (you need exposure to that world if you don’t know what Im talking about, go where players fuck the bitches and look at them in action, please).
Your line is random asexual statements. There’s nothing she can do with them. Maybe you’re expecting that she says “oooohh I love parks, parks are the best!!!” ? should she orgasm with the ice cream line? are you setting a boundary by saying no to chocolate? what the fuck is going on?
Her: Good boy
She’s a savage. There you go, pushing down just for the sake of it. Good dog.
Me: tell me something that makes me smile… let’s see if you have magical powers
Random jump. This is a feminine line by the way. You are the one arousing her, she’s the one evaluating you. Your job is also to find if she’s receptive, and you find that out by ‘swinging dick’ (not talking about parks and icecream) and seeing what she responds to. The only thing she’s been responsive so far is to push you down, while you greatly help her do so.
Her: I have but not willing to use 😉
And she does it again. Down you go. More walls for you. The wink is an invitation for you to try again, so she pushes down again. Great game you’re playing here man. Nope.
Me: You know, if I get drunk, you’re really cute.
Me: But I never get that drunk 😉
Random jump again. Your first line is FREE VALIDATION. The second line tries to rob the validation away from her. Are you expecting that she will jump “nooo please don’t take away the free validation…. please get drunk so I can look cute for you”???
Because the line is free validation with a hint of neg on it, you can use it to FLIRT in a different setup (not here). If you’re in some other place with some other girl in a semi formal environment you could perfectly say this
Me: You know, with a couple beers on me you’d be damn cute 😉
She’d smile and think you’re such a badass and drip wet a little.
Not here.
Her: This is not a problem, because we will never meet again 🙂 🙂 🙂
She actually ESCALATES your wall, see? you tried to do a neg, now she increases the gap, so now you’d have to jump HARDER. She adds THREE emoticons now which is your invitation to keep filling that gap hader. How desperate can she make you?
This stuff is like the completely opposite of what actual seduction looks like.
To bang the girl you ping her interest, she gives you an opening, you escalate, so the opening gets bigger.
With this psycho bitch paired to your bottom castrated puppy mindset, you ping her wall, she increases the WALL and then you keep dancing and escalating on rejection. LOL!
And this is fantastic to illustrate the point further:
Me: You like girls?!
Random. Here you’re looking for ANOTHER WALL that is not even there, or, you’re looking for ADDITIONAL CRITERIA she may be rejecting you on.
Where a top guy / top frame / social power sexual guy would be looking for ADDITIONAL OPENINGS or more arousal spots or more things she’d say yes to etc, you keep finding more rejection points, and trying to bring more walls to the table.
What the fuck!
Her: No 😀
She loves. Burn the witch.
Me: i thought you’re lesbian. That’s why you don’t wear make up 😛
Now try to turn the wall into a flirt / neg.
Her: You can think anything you want 🙂 Not my problem 😉
She’s getting bored. You need to get more creative on different ways she can reject you. Try harder.
Me: Thank you. Yes, I am a smart thinker. Such a cool man 😉
You’re trying to validate yourself to contrast how much she’s putting you down. This is a sane instinct. Use this instinct to not let yourself involved in games like the one you’re playing here
Me: Do you know how to cook, sick girl? [She’s in bed sick these days because of a leg injury]
Random. The ‘sick girl’ means ‘you remember and you care’
Her: Yes
Me: Come cook Pasta Bolognese for me
Me: I like it
Nobody gives a fuck. I wonder if all the back and forth so far makes you think she’s ‘invested’ and will play along with your call to action. The call to action in itself is fine, but it’s random / misplaced / socially inept placed here considering what’s going on.
You’re playing a game where she gives you a hoop to jump and you jump it, just so she can push you down and give you another hoop. She doesn’t give a fuck about what you want, desire, etc. Any subject is just a way that she’ll use to reject you again, and she expects you to be happy about it.
Her: I have no possibility and no desire
Trapped in a loop
Me: That’s the real secret. I only talk with you because I miss homemade Pasta Bolognese. It is delicious, [Girl Name]. So delicious I talk to you just to eat it.
Me: [Angel Emoji]
“I only talk to you” again you’re trying to take away the free validation by making it conditional. Is that how you seduce girls? give them a lot of free candy till they are fat, then you threaten to take the candy away?
Is that true to your core mechanics? did someone raise you like that? are you open to maybe ditching this whole approach to life?
Her: A smart man understands that a human being with a leg in pain cannot go anywhere
You notice this? the ONLY thing you’ve asserted yourself on was that you’re a smart guy. And now a few moments later she is using it to neg you.
Can you see what type of person she is?
Me: It is ok. Your can jump on other leg. It is sexy) I am a man, I tell you what is sexy in a girl.
Me: I am the boss of sexy
Now you’re trying to switch to a dominant position. It’s a weak attempt but follow the trajectory. We started filling random numbers on a bad phone lead, then sending cartoons and giving free shit, to finding new excuses on how to reject you, to trying to assert your own value, to now being domineering. That’s a clear path. So – you set a trap with candy, then try to be a kids abuser or something.
You could bring it up a notch and buy a pedo-van.
Her: Seriously?
Her: [Troll face sticker]
She’s not happy you’re changing the game
Me: Wow, such romantic stickers…
You’re back to pushover mode. She sets a wall, now you’re rewarding her for the wall. You think walls are ladders. VERY interesting stuff.
Girl gives wall to guy.
Guy tries to make love to the wall.
It’s like when a dog tries to fuck someone’s leg.
Me: It makes me imagine you’re a vampire girl
Me: And you drink blood to recover your leg 🙂
Me: Hahahah
Calling her a vampire is fitting.
When Julian says ‘laugh of your own jokes’ – go find the charisma on command videos and find the types of humor. When you are saying a joke you have to find it funny yourself, so when you’re saying it the smile is building in your face. And your laugh, if you laugh, can be contagious and set the mood.
That’s not what’s happening here though. The ‘hahaha’ comes across as you trying to fill her spot in the dance. She’s not playing along so you’re trying to be the girl
Her: [Angry face sticker]
Wall.
Me: I like it when you’re angry. It makes you look younger.
Me: hahaha
Iterating on all fronts.
“like when you’re angry” is rewarding the wall.
“makes you look younger” is trying to neg to take the free validation away
“hahaha” is you trying to fill in the gap because laughing is what she should be doing, if she was aroused at all
Her: If 24 is too old, I’m beyond saving!
Me: yes, your best years are behind you
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Blue, man, get out of this fucking trap.
If you do 1000 interactions of this kind you’ll only get WORSE. And that’s on you.
Focus on doing it right. Repeat the dance as it’s supposed to dance. This is not it. Do better.
Cheers man.
This would be clearer if the guy has used to any form of being in charge. But if he’s a beta he has only used his ‘listening skills’ to be a pushover, so he thinks that to be a leader you have to stop listening. It’s the opposite:
To be a leader you have to listen MORE.
Because when you’re a bottom guy all you do is follow orders and being pushed around.
When you’re top guy you are the one taking all the decisions, all the chances, setting the pace, progressing. How do you know what decisions are good and what are bad?
This is the difference of being an employee and being an entrepreneur.
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So
1) Lead, command, entertain, set the mood, run the stories, roleplay, ping, poke, touch, move, play.
2) Some things will arouse her more, some things will make her open more, some things will produce a particular light on her eyes, some things will make her wet, become ‘hungrier’, go in trace. Do more of these, escalate on these. Some other things will turn her off, will make her dry, will take away the light from her eyes, will make her hard, do less of these. But:
2.1) Because you’re in leadership position, the above is all in context to where you want to you. You don’t change destinations because she’s offering resistance: you change the pace, the angle, the intensity, you work around the resistance. Or if she’s say, mishaving or shittesting, you set boundaries, you push her away, you call her silly, you punish. You reward and punish, but your direction is set. STILL, some of these things will cause her to open, and some will cause her to close. Because YOU want to get to where she is open, then you do more of the things that make her open.
See how this is not beta stuff at all.
When you’re opening as coconut you find the weak spot and hit there. That’s not beta.
When you want to make a crowd laught you tune to their sense of humor and crack a joke. Not beta.
When you want to make a girl come you rub on her clitoris / G point, as opposed to say, her elbow. Her elbow “she doesn’t respond to” her clit “she very much responds to” so you rub “where it works”
And the “what she wants” line:
She’s hungry for alpha men / top guy. She doesn’t want the beta guy, and the proof is that when you do beta, she pushes you away. She may take you for a servant but she wont take you. So we’re talking about what she wants in a man to be fucked by, you can’t fight her wants, you can satiate her wants instead. Satiating her wants is not beta: beta can’t satiate her wants.
I understand that the beta frame gets in the middle all the time. That’s why I insist on pushing it away FIRST. It really fucks up the whole process and learning.
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xsplat: Yohami seems to be advocating and alpha top social position lifestyle, along with a mindset that to me seems more than merely dominant, but is closer to what I call wizardry (social sophistication). Steve Jabba eschews all social positioning and talks about Sigma game (although I suspect he’d not use the term game).
Where the ideas of these two intersect should be interesting.
Both Steve and Yohami think that there are betas and gamas and omegas who are being disserviced by game, and would do better to first of all get their house in order. Forget all that game crap, be common sense, grow your real lived social experiences.
The way some gammas talk on message boards, you’d think they’d not yet even read Dale Carnegies book. They seem to think that social interaction on a message board is distinct from social interaction with women. They don’t realize that it’s not only about what you say, it’s about WHO YOU ARE. Why are you saying that? From what frame of reference are you saying that? From what need, from what social position?
Change your need, change your frame of reference, change your social position. THEN approach game and women.
You can’t get there from here. Be some place else first.