I admit to being jealous of high IQ people who also have good memory recall. I could never be a chemist, like this man. I can’t remember particulars. I can measure nicely on insight tests, in my better moments. I’m jealous guys who do both, but I always suspect a trade off.

I suspect that the absent minded professor type has super powers that the highly systematizing yet never forgetting of details types have bit less. Different powers. His will get people to the moon. Mine will be funny inappropriately? Mine more inappropriate associations.

I can only do abstractions, and can’t remember details. This is, believe it or don’t, and advantage. Sometimes.

I will get the gyst. I will know when details collide, know why, know the big system of why. I don’t get bogged down in details. But at the same time, if I tried my very best, I could not recall to you why I know what I know or what the details are.

I have obvious brain injury level memory deficits. Broken wires about memory. Honestly I think this is an archetype, and makes meaningful super powers.

If you met me, just like anyone else, you’d assume I was neurotypical. But if you dated me, you’d eventually find out that I can’t remember your birthday.

Ever. Even when you told me 100 times the night before. Yet to everyone else, I play normal. This is not a lie. This is not drama.

I do believe there is a connection between lack of memory connections and insight. I think someone will win a Nobel prize one day, to notice it. Or an accolade from a hottie, at least.

I have never in my life remembered a birthday. My mother shares my birthday. I have forgotten her birthday many times. Yes, that’s funny, but it’s not told as a joke. That’s my real life. I’m very smart, but not neurotypical. At all.

I pass for neurotypical. Because I’m smart enough to do that, if I’m in the mood.

Manic episodes cause brain damage. Psychotic episodes cause brain damage. Alcohol withdrawal causes seriouis and permanent brain damage. And drug burn out is a real thing; that’s a TV trope for a reason. I’ve had plenty of all of the above (not much psychosis, only a bit from big LSD), and will never know why I lost my memory. Depression also causes brain damage. Done that too. Some people wake up after a dentist operation with serious brain damage, because of adverse reactions to anasthesia. Some get brain damage from pot. Some from LSD. Neurons and brains don’t all react similarly. A head injury can be debilitating to one person, barely noticed to another. I used to have an above average memory and could learn new languages faster than most. The clever guy with the clever memory, who didn’t need to study. Later in life it was mostly a waste of time to even try to learn a language. All I accomplished was pissing off my teachers. They could get near furious at my lack of progress.

When I explained to my Mom my memory problems, she just laughed at me and thought it was obviously a result of drugs and alcohol. “Burnout” used to be a very common word, and very commonly seen. I’ve seen it myself, far too often, and far too tragically. I was a vendor on the Grateful Dead tour, after all. Burnouts everywhere, some mere teenagers. So so tragic. So severe, in some cases. Heartbreaking.

I do believe that psychedelics increase insight in the long run for a minor percentage of people, but I also believe that for a minor percentage of people they cause permanent and noticeable brain damage. The walls didn’t stop moving for me for more than 5 years, and this is not an uncommon side effect. It’s very well documented. One day changed my life forever. Huge doses of LSD are well documented to cause massive permanent brain damage. It’s not only about triggering pre-existing conditions. It’s about brain damage that would never happen without huge doses of LSD.

My father made me consult with people with experience with taking LSD. They all said the same thing. They experienced some loss of abilities. But also gained some insight. No one seemed to regret their decisions, but also everyone I talked to grew out of it, like a phase, and seemed to think it was not sustainable to keep taking it. Everyone pretty well agreed that LSD is not a party drug, and can and will cause burnout. A very few people did not seem to experience negative side effects. I assume they are outliers with unusually robust neurons that don’t react to LSD as a toxin. Either that or they had massive G that could barely notice the hit. Or did mostly moderate doses.

Don’t use LSD in high doses. The end.