My current relationship is very companionate. We are both very deliberate in trying to make each other happy. The last was the same in that way.
This is in contrast to other relationships, some recent, in which there was inevitable and routine drama and stress. High conflict personalities don’t merely give shit tests that you can pass; they stir up shit until you get pissed off, and won’t stop until there is either drama or abandonment. There are personality disorders that are “resistant” to treatment, meaning they are permanent developmental delays. Not all women are passive aggressive by nature, so don’t mistake a personality disorder for the nature of women and “shit testing”.
I’ve written before about the current remarkably low level of relationship conflict. My opinion is that there is a lot that goes into this, one main thing being keeping passion alive, every day. Some couples seem to be companionate and low sex drive, but that goes against my experience; in my experience high passion calms everyone down, and acts as the main glue of mutual benefit; the main reason to always be nice to each other.
But I think there is also another element. Let’s call it the “default setting”.
Some people have a default setting of being cheerful. Some don’t.
Some people have a default setting of being romantic. Some don’t.
Some people have a default setting of being sensual and touchy feely and touching, stroking, kissing, and fucking a lot . Some don’t.
But the default setting that I think helps Indian’s in arranged marriages be happier than people who marry out of love is this:
Some people have the default setting of trying to make each other happy. To make things work out. To be on the same team. To turn conflicts into patience, understanding, humor, and a mutual exercise of “feeding the baby” of romantic attachment.
I’m guessing that arranged marriages have this default setting as the assumption. Perhaps a lack of choice in the matter actually helps to relax into this default. If you can’t beat em, join em. If you can’t fight and bitch your way out of a difference in opinion, work at resolution, and assume resolution as the default setting.
Random bonus spare thoughts:
Quote from Mindhunter season 1 episode 2
Losers are drawn to authority
Nobody wants to admit it but users are useful
Why they’re nosy
They tend to know what everybody else is up to
and they’re resentful, a lot of them.
They always got raw deal
That type of character fits in well with the shitposter trolls on redpill type forums, blogs, video channels, etc.
But realize that there are gamma women as well. Even physically attractive women can be social gammas, with permanent social developmental delays.
The whole point of assortative mating is to social climb. For guys this looks like trying to get the unicorn; an attractive woman who is not crazy.
It tends to be the guys who are on the lower social rungs, the gammas and guys on the autistic spectrum, who have the most need for training in how to get girls. These are also the people who tend to be the most resistant to self development.
The guys who succeed in using red-pill and pua technology to improve their sex lives eventually all come to the same conclusion. Getting better with women is MOSTLY about self improvement. Very little to do with routines or scripts. It’s about becoming both authentic and at the same time charismatic – not choosing charisma over honesty.
And then, through much dating and interaction with women, we realize that women are also all on a social scale. Not just an attractiveness scale. It becomes apparent how common sense became common; common sense distinctions of class are accurate. There are trashy loser disorganized women, and there are trashy loser disorganized socially inept men. The dating market is about assortative mating, such that you actually have to be a decent match; you can’t get a hot and kind and smart girl with scripts.
So most guys don’t bother trying, and instead become internet trolls, proclaiming that even trying at all is a losers game. Instead of growing into becoming anti-nihilists, they try to build a community of the pity-party, and adopt a stance of safety in indifference.
And so lower socio-sexual class men en mass seek answers, and wind up joining a community of those uncertain if they should bother to self improve and leverage class mobility into sex, or whether to lower their expectations and to call that “red pill knowledge”. Not being in a position to judge how women treat men they view as high value, the group assumptions are for the worst treatment that women reserve for those they don’t want to fuck.
Redpill is a very vague collection of conflicting memes. It isn’t a coherent strategy, and means 10 different things to 10 different people. Jargon word catchphrase losing more meaning every time it’s used.