Being treated as a God.
In grade 9 and 10 I had the funny conceipt of giving myself the nickname God, and a few of the lower status guys were in on the the joke and called me that publicly.
It was fun.
Later in high school I started a trend of hugging many of the hot girls in the hallways as we passed. This was not exactly sexual, I just really appreciated them, and it became a social norm in my high school for some of us to interact this way. I also used to sit at the girls table during lunch. Again, not exactly sexual – I just really like girls. There was not awareness yet of holding masculine polarity, so this did not lead to any sex. I just like girls.
But I was just a teenager; most everybody is stupid at that age. I stumbled through, and experimented and took things in new directions. I was also meditating and working out at the time. I was very serious about my lucid dream practice, and did my best to learn what I could from LSD, maybe 12 times, in high doses.
They say that during your formative neuro-plastic years that habitual pathways get myelin coated, and so become permanent super-highways. I started practing my own invented loving kindness meditations and self hypnosis at about age 12. It was very powerful. Also my masturbation was a loving kindness chi-kung meditation, in a way; it truly was profound self love, and that’s obviously the definition of positive. At age 16 I left hypnosis behind as I considered it setting the mind up into compartments, and I was more interested in unifying my mind, through meditation. At age 18 I did my first month long group meditation retreat, meditating at least 8 hours a day, with frequent lucid dreams at night.
After coming out of the monastery and a lifestyle of frequent meditation retreats, my path towards being a monk was interrupted by an unplanned pregnancy with a woman with BPD. We divorced two years later, and as that relationship was winding up I realized that my self started small jewelry and clothing vending business was required personal development. Sitting in a monastery where no music is allowed calms the mind, sure, but it’s not a well rounded education, and you lose your ability to be social with the common facility. So I sold my wares to college aged girls around the US, face to face from behind a table, for about 10 years. Some of that with my hot nympho Indonesian girlfriend, and we fucked in near all of our ample spare time, and sometimes on the job; kundalini sex, no male orgasms.
In my relationships for at least the last decade, maybe much longer, I’m used to being treated as an object of reverence. As a type of God.
I’m still learning that this can be a perfectly appropriate mutual reverence. It’s not necessarily an inappropriate power trip.
Some people have accused me before of abusing my magical yogic spiritual powers. You don’t have to believe in real chi or real spiritual powers to know that other people do experience them. Charismatics mesmerize, and that’s a fact. I’ve studied with and lived with and befriended some of the worlds most amazing charismatics. Paid good money to study with some of them. Hundred dollar an hour sessions maybe 20 years ago with a top chi-kung healer, and was a long apprentice. One of my several chi-kung teachers.
And I had my own spontaneous kundalini awakening at age 21 or so, at a time when I had zero context for that and no teachers and no friends who knew any teachers about that. It took until about age 27 to find some of those communities. In the interim I had quite the wild ride, as did my lovers.
Back to the theme of this post; being treated as a God.
My whole blog aches to share the possibility of what seems to me perfectly natural interpersonal male/female dynamics. The man is treated with devotion, reverence, and constant doting. This has been my normal, for ages.
I try to write about how it can be other men’s normal also. I get what seems like nothing but resistance and back talk about it. But this is my real lived life; it’s innarguable.
Your own standards and ambitions are up to you, but just at least know what is possible.