In reply to Nash’s post about marriage
All she does is devotion… then ‘fuck you!’… then devotion… then ‘fuck you!’ That’s the feminine.”
— David Deida
You have to build a relationship with a women to even create that state of devotion. And even then… that “fuck you” hiss of the chaotic feminine will be there to find you when you are not bringing your best game.
This might seem nit-picky, but I think Deida’s idea here is true, but only from the frames of reference of a top beta or an alpha. There is a level above alpha. You are talking about that level a lot in your post.
I’ve been writing for years about how women are trained, not found, and over time I continue to get better at it. Recently I mentioned how I’m finding it easier for there to be less conflict, down to a sublimely low level of conflict. Three years with V with little to zero arguments, despite some serious relationship stress such as other girls. I’ve mentioned before that her gracious and warm character imprinted on me a bit, helping me to have a lower conflict relationship with my current live in, J.
So my experience now does not match the Deida quote at all.
I don’t get any fuck you’s. As close to zero fuck you’s as imaginable. Even on her period.
You hit the nail on the head a few times in your blog post. The guy can be an environmental influence, as well as an in the moment manager, or “wrangler”. When shit tests happen, they look very different, and the level of sophistication in managing them can be sublime and simply funny. Shit tests can be just fun banter, instantly defused.
The reason I make this “nit-pick”, is because I don’t think we can keep saying over and over “Yea, but most guys aren’t at that level yet. Let’s just talk about the level people can understand and relate to, so that it’s not confusing.” We can’t keep things at a 101 level forever.
Even if you are studying high school algebra, it helps to have some idea about what advanced maths are out there and what they can do. You need to know what can lie ahead, if you keep at it. You’ll never get anywhere if you think that maths end at algebra.
I suppose we need a name for the level above alpha, where the man’s environmental influence already profoundly calms the woman down, and shit tests are handled so deftly that they change the very character of the shit test from anything resembling “fuck you” to opportunities for mutual fun play.
There is definitely a level above what we mean by alpha.
Wizard could work.
I have over 950 posts on this blog, and it’s not possible to summarize in any one blog post how to achieve very low conflict. It’s a gestalt of many things. To mention a few:
- frequent sex – the more frequent the better. And the higher quality the better, which can be a never ending life-long deepening, especially if you learn chi-kung sex.
- looking physically attractive – to her, and to others
- the girl has to be physically your style and you have to be really into her; so into her that just looking at her is a type of pleasurable sex. If not, move on or move plural.
- maintaining boundaries not only of what behavior you won’t accept, but of what behavior you expect out of her in devotion to you.
- her frequently doting on you and following orders, as a habit that you’ve trained her to do in a way that she finds pleasurable and fulfilling
- a constant sense of playfulness and humor and mutual fun
- a constant sense of mutual warmth and love and bondedness
- growing into unifying your mind and forgiving your own and her hidden corners and moving into your artistic right brained ways of holistic empathetic improvisational playing.
- attracting a girl who isn’t fubar or personality disordered, and not letting others suck up your attention from social climbing your way into the company of such girls.
And much more. As I said, over 950 posts, and tangentially most touch on what’s required for low conflict.
It’s great to hear some of these ideas that were first seen on this blog many years before anyone else was saying them, now are common and popular on other peoples twitter feeds.
Either six degrees of separation influence is happening, or I’ve subconsciously learned some memes from a forgotten meme pool, or timeless truths are being rediscovered by guys who have never been influenced by shared memes, or Sheldrake’s Morphogentic Fields of a shared learning subconscious is happening.
Oh, also, the flip side to low conflict is high passion and high giving of value from the woman and to each other.
That’s the same coin.
You don’t get low conflict combined with low passion and low value unless you live in different houses and rarely see each other. Actually, I have no idea what low passion would look like. You probably need to not see each other at all, if you want a combination of low conflict and low passion and low constant mutual doting (with the man doting from his ritualistic and improvised masculine frame methods).
There is a flip side to shit tests that you rarely hear about. It’s being treated as more than a king. More than a leader. It’s being treated with religious sexual devotion. How many times a day does my mate say “I love you so much”? I’d need a clicker to count, and we’ve been living together for over a year, and she moved in with me on the first date. And her actions speak volumes more than her words. Yesterday I drifted out of sleep to realize my cock was being sucked by this 22 year old devoted hottie. She is out shopping for groceries now, and refuses to let the maid shop, because she wants to be inspired by the produce to make something new and delicious for me. On and on she ACTS out her love – constantly. She misses me even if I just step out to go the the gym, and tells me so. And she’s no outlier.
This type of behavior is common and usual for me – so common that I was talking about love at first sight and girls moving in on the first date just a few days before meeting J. And not just with random nobodies, but with girls less than half my age (sometimes closer to 1/3rd) and many points above me in looks that are my style and that I’m really into. And I’ve been talking for ages about being treated with constant reverence and doting devotion. At least since Kiki (another love at first sight move in on the first date girl), which was the year of 2009. The beginnings of being treated with devotion for me go back over 22 years, but the beginnings of mastery and knowledge and words for how to do it probably started around 2007.
And it’s not a skill set that you learn and graduate from with a diploma; it’s a never ending continuing education.
A continuing education that you can’t exactly pass on, in book or any other form. Because we all have to embody our truths uniquely and create and build our best relational selves.
Related, from 2013
LTR game can be so refined that it becomes fast seduction. Your LTR game becomes love at first sight game. Girls fall right into your orbit and can not escape.
Update: Nash and his commenters made many insightful and detailed analyses about handling shit tests and frame, which are in the essense of maintaining low conflict.
That type of deftness leads to wizardry, and a different lived experience of “handling shit tests”. It becomes second nature fun banter, and not a drama puzzle drudgery annoyance that you are forced against your will to deal with.
Same concept of “shit test”, but totally different animal.