Every existing human race and every territory is the result of conquest and brutal wars. Often genocides. My life has been full of incredibly deep to the point of traumatic heartbreak, and I’ve caused a great deal of pain. Animals survive off of eating the living flesh of other animals.
If I had not caused so much pain, I would never be attractive or capable enough to cause more pain, or feel more love.
If I were the kind of guy who would let a woman I live with slide, and as appreciation for her past efforts of putting out children just let her get fat and retire from regular blow jobs and fucking, I would not be the kind of man she’d be so into and passionate about in the first place. She’d never have fallen in love on the first date, nor become tamed, nor have asked me today to get marriage pictures to show her parents, as a 30 year younger hottie with a perfect bod.
For me, a relationship is not about points earned in the past. It is a day to day thing. I have no interest in living with a girl who I have no sexual interest in. I know perfectly well what it’s like to have side dishes, but I don’t see that as a substitute. For me, a relationship is not a relationship without physical lust and sex. I can get friendships on the side.
I’d see it as dishonorable and disgusting to live a life of quiet desperation. A fat wife with no sex drive would be like waking up to farts in my face and nagging. Visual flat out disrespect and dishonor.
I’m not a nice guy. Not at all. Many of my actions are near psychopathic. I have extremely high expectations, and strong boundaries. Every single day, I demand serious tribute in terms of love, devotion, joy, sex. Our house is full of kindness and love and sex. Every day.
That came at a terrible, horrible cost.
Bitter sweet.
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You wouldn’t want to stay with a girl who put up with too much shit. You’d never be able to respect her. No girl wants to stay with a man who would put up with living with a fat unattractive wife who does not give regular blowjobs. That man has low standards and low ability.
So if you put up with it, it’s a self fulfilling prophesy. Sometimes you have to move on, and if you can’t, you deserve a fat nag.
Paradoxically, a girl will have a lot more pride in herself, for being with a man who has very high expectations for HER behavior. Give her too much slack, and she’ll feel worse not only about YOU, but about herself. She’ll subconsciously think “what kind of woman would put up with a man who puts up with my shit?” What you don’t put up with and what you demand from her is as good as she can be, so give her the option for some pride in her man and her life. Or move on. Love is never enough, by itself. You need some base core compatibilities. And if either of you is fat that means those compatibilities are not there. If you were way into her, you’d work damn hard to keep her way into you. If you aren’t working hard, you aren’t way into her.
I don’t buy it that relationships get stale and the passion fades. People get fat and lazy and stop doing their fucking job. It’s not the same thing. Do your job, and be with a girl who will do her job. My personal lived real life experience is that passion can be kept strong and alive, and many times a day sex and a very warm loving heart for the girl can be maintained year after year after year. I’ve done that before, and I’m doing it now. It’s normal. You should expect it, and demand nothing less for your life. And out of her.
Most people lately are obese. Only 1 in 10 marriages stay together because the couple is still in love.
That doesn’t mean that being fat is normal. That doesn’t mean that the 1 in 10 are the abnormal exception.
It’s NORMAL to remain in passionate love. It’s YOUR normal. Normal for YOU. Because that’s what you learned how to do, and YOU accept nothing else. YOU are fit, and work damn hard to maintain peak sexual yogic fitness, and to be as attractive as you possibly can be. For YOU it’s normal to endlessly learn how to be socially skillful, and relationship wizard level skillful. For YOU it’s an endless never ending life long journey, and it’s damned fucking important. More important than anything else.
There are no extenuating circumstances, no exceptions to the rule. YOU create the extenuating circumstances, and YOU are the exception to the rule. I’m telling you, men do this, men have always done this. Exceptional men who decided to live exceptional lives, because for them nothing else could possibly be normal.
No one gets to retire from relationship duties. You don’t get to store up a bank account and live off of the returns. Every day you have to put in fresh work. Because every day is a fresh new day.
Some people stay together for the children. I don’t agree with that, although I do agree that children need both parents. But if the parents don’t get along, children will be imprinted very badly. Monkey see, monkey do. Don’t let them see a crappy relationship. They’ll think that shit is normal. It will affect them either for the rest of their life, or if they are lucky, for only a great many poor and painful relationships.
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Your girl should be in some ways out of your league. Keeping her should inspire you to be the best possible man that you can be. You’ll HAVE to be. Or else.
The same goes for her. If she isn’t working damn hard to keep you, then that’s sheer disrespect to the both of you, and you both deserve better. Maybe she’ll work harder for a different guy. Otherwise, not your problem.
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Girls will somehow read your past history and your expectations nearly immediately. Within the first 15 minutes of the first date, she might bring up the subject of babies, and within 30 minutes you might both realize that you are going to move in together.
The absurdity is, the bitter sweetness is, the dark humor is, that girls go for bad boys, and bad boys only.
I don’t mean what you think I mean.
You have to have very high standards and expectations, and a history of having those standards and expectations met. You need strong boundaries. You can’t be “nice”. You have to have cracked eggs, perhaps many eggs, because only “nice” guys never crack eggs. Having boundaries and expectations sometimes means breaking hearts, and having your own heart broken.
That’s the absurdity of it. You can’t get what you want until you can be very clear that it’s over if she get’s fat. She’d never even be into you if she even sniffed for one moment that you’d put up with that kind of shit.
Random Xpat Rantings 
It can be very frustrating to have no influence over what appears to me as a very detrimental food addiction.
Out of three girls, one got it under control. For her I told her that I had no choice but to break up with her until she got slim. She told me that she could never do it alone, and would just get fatter.
She used some stimulants for a while to help her. She slimmed up quickly and kept it off.
The other two there was nothing I could say or do.
Sad. It’s very destructive to a relationship to get fat. Destructive all around.
I was living with that girl at the time, and we’d been living together for maybe 4 months. I was way into her. Kiki. We lived together until she died, and would never have broken up, as far as I can see.
Great girl. But I don’t want a fat girlfriend. So, ultimatum was the only option.
The other two we were no longer living together by the time they got fat. One I stopped seeing BECAUSE she was fat. The other never got quite that fat, but we stopped seeing each other for other reasons.
When I’m into a girl, we spend a lot of time together. Even if I have 3 or up to 5 girlfriends, it seems as if we sort of live together. Living together is a common arrangement for me, and often happens from the first date. My current girl moved in basically the first date, as did many others.
Some might visit and sleep over near every night. Amounts to basically living together.
So even when not monogamous, it’s rarely anything close to casual dating. Pretty well always girls who want marriage and babies.
I know it might sound absurd. One example, from about 5 years ago. A newer girl would visit every night, but had to leave at her curfew, which was midnight. Then I’d pick up a 2nd girl who would sleep with me. I had two other girls that I kept in two other apartments in the same city, who I would visit as often as I could, which was sometimes daily.
I know it sounds ridiculous.
I also had a few new dates around that time.
The one who was leaving at midnight caught me with other girls a few times, but we would up living together full time and were together about 2.5 years. She left me after I refused to get married.
Nowadays I just see the 1 I Iive with, but she has nearly nightly nightmares of me fucking around. I must be exuding my past out of my pores, I guess.
Fatness is easier to combat once you know that omega-6 seed oils (mainly linoleic acid) are the primary cause of fatness, as they make the fat cells insulin-sensitive.
My latest monomania is getting the word out on this, as the science has come together only recently, and few people seem to be aware of it yet. If you do a search for “seed oils” and “obesity”, you’ll find a lot of recent blog posts and podcasts about it. On the flip side, saturated fats help make the fat cells insulin-resistant, which means they’re less able to take in fat and more likely to release fat so it can be burned by the body. Your priority should be getting your girls to get all seed oils out of their diets and replace it with dairy, coconut oil, etc.
Of course, low-carb diets (especially avoiding sugars and corn syrup) can help a lot too, but knowing that seed oils are culprit number one makes a big difference, especially for prevention. I don’t know about Southeast Asia, but here in America seed oils are now 20% of total calorie intake! Hardly anybody was fat in the 1930’s; now we know why.
You make a great point that women want to be with a man who demands the best in her, even if most of them don’t know it. (I think Pat Stedman has also been making this point a lot lately, albeit worded differently.) I like the way you say it. More men should know this.
Do you think you might decide to have children some day, or have you ruled that out?
Thanks for the comment.
About kids, I’m likely shooting blanks at this point. We don’t use protection and she doesn’t use the pill. A previous girl was the same and she never got pregnant with me, but she is with a new guy. I’m ambivalent about having kids. On some days I want them. No plans to any in-vitro.
Oh ya, on the first date I came in her. Then later again that night, just to drive the point home. I was that into her. Wanted to knock her up right away. Never stopped. It’s still a kind of joke; she’s sort of addicted to making me come. For years and with all the other girls I mostly did not come. That changed with her. My body really trying to knock her up. Probably too late though…
It’s funny how people can just meet, and be fucking within two hours, with no protection, and both be quite aware of what and why thery are doing. It was the 2nd time I came in her with no protection that really drove that point home, and we laughed about it. The connection was that strong, and that fast. For her, our first date is a mythological story that she retells and retells, over and over. We were so way into each other.
Still are, of course.
People here use palm oil mostly. In the house I replace that with olive oil. My girl naturally stays slim, but an ex from 15 years or so ago also lives here in my compound, and she is fat now. So sad. I found her cute in her day, but she’s invisible now. That’s girl #4 who got fat, but she did that well after we stopped dating. She sees me fasting and pretends to try to diet, but I’ve had to give up with any sort of comments or advice. I find it heartbreaking and disgusting, and consider the effects on quality of life gigantic.
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I just read an old post of mine about my last live in girl. I was really into her, and serious, but I didn’t really want to make her pregnant. Her body shape would be very attractive to most guys; tight and fit with a perfect ass and tits, but I have a very particular style preference. I like small girls. Really do.
Really amazing to me how differently I react to my new girl. The old one was better in a lot of ways. Of course. That’s always the case; everyone has their strong points. But the physical chemistry, for me, made, as usual, a YUUGE difference. Coming inside her after two hours of just meeting vs holding back for several years.
I’m glad they still use a lot of palm oil there. On my one trip to Bali, I didn’t see many fat Indonesians. So sad that some can still get fat, though. Clearly not what nature or God intended.
Now that you’ve reminded me of the baby thing, I told her that if she’s not pregnant by the time that she’s 29, I’ll do the in-vitro thing with her.
That gives us 5 years.
Maybe by then the docs will know how to make it twins, or tweak a few brain related genes.
Ya, I really want to see her tiny little body get all round and stuffed with baby.
Pro comment. Everyone in the USA is stuffing their faces with soybean oil or canola oil. My wife and me eat a lot of saturated fats. Keeps us thin.