Why xsplat might settle down. Marry even.

In answer to axiom verge: You are asking if I explain away doing selfish actions of breaking hearts with justifications, making the actions moral in my mind through justifications.

Yes, I do.

This subject is confusing. And very painful.

I feel really horrible for what happened with V. The woman loved me and did absolutely everything possible to be the best girlfriend for me, with the aim of being my wife and having a family with me.

I feel terrible that I wasn’t able to do it with her.

I want to know why.

So I try to examine my own motives, and ambitions, and desires, put them together with how I understand hers, and try to come up with a grand theory of mind that includes both of our strategies.

It quickly becomes obvious that we have competing strategies.

So I can’t just take sides, with hers. With the “feminine imperative”, or the female centric monogamous strategy. I have instincts and drives also that are just as foundational to my well being, even if they aren’t as culturally acceptable.

I know that I can’t sit at the round table of polite society, among other couples, as a guy with a woman in love with him who continues to seek out new girls. The playboys and playgirls can sit at that table. But I can’t, because I don’t fit into any of the accepted roles.

A guy is supposed to either settle down, or date around and never let anyone fall in love too much. My strategy is to fall in love, in parallel with more than one girl.

That doesn’t fit in, and I know it causes pain, and confusion.

I can’t justify it, but I can’t not justify it either – I mean – it is what it is – the cards that I’ve been dealt. I didn’t create the human condition. I didn’t create the fact that I can feel stifled and bored and trapped. I don’t have an off switch in my head for these instinctual hard wired evolved emotional urges to breed with the hottest women that I can attract.

These are VERY strong urges for me. My whole life, every fiber in my being, every act that I do in my life, is ALL geared towards mating with hot girls.

I’m evolved, born and bred, cultivated, in one and only one direction. So how can I stop being me?

Evolution is not about justification. It’s not about polite society.

I really wish that I was wired as a family man. Some guys are, and I truly believe that is another evolved hard wired instinctual personality type strategy.

Some guys are evolved to prefer monogomy, and this has been measured as low socio-sexual score in the psychological community. Others, like me, have an extremely high socio-sexual score, and enjoy, crave, and one might even say psychologically NEED sex with less long term commitment in our lives, with occasionally new partners.

It’s not an excuse, or justification. If we don’t follow our wiring, we can’t just suck it up. There are consequences. We become less able to be kind to our partners, act worse towards them, and things go downhill. So we try our best to work with what reality gave us. This real world, and our real urges and desires in it.

Here is a horrible, horrible example. One that’s happened to me more than once, but I’ll use this example specifically:

I once dated a 19 year old virgin. I found her face to be very attractive, and we quickly fell in love and she quickly gave me her virginity. We became bonded, and she was very much in love with me.

I was in Thailand at the time, and the culture there is much more promiscuous, and it was quite common for some guys and girls to have various forms of side lovers, one form of which is called “gik”, which means no strings attached lover. The gik is not expected to be faithful, and not expected to ask too many questions about your other lovers. Affairs also happen, which of course is more emotionally involved and complicated.

I mention the context because even though she was a virgin, she was not naive; she grew up in a millieu of some sexual refinement. You can’t be too naive in Thailand.

So while I was dating her, I had another main girlfriend, and was also actively dating and meeting new girls from time to time.

The nineteen year old, P19, loved me the most. My other girl S23, had other boyfriends and was a bit of a playgirl, but we had also formed some bonds, and had very frequent sex. S23 is the one who once looked up at me with pupply dog eyes and said “Dad, why I love you Dad? You no rich, you no handsome. Why I love you Dad?” It was a serious heartfelt question and she wanted a serious reply.

Here is the point of the story; at night I would often leave the side of P19, to go to the “internet cafe” and work, but instead of working go see S23. With P19 I could only have brief sex before I got tired or soft. With S23 I could go all night. And yet I loved P19 much more.

It was very confusing, and if you use morals to understand the world you’d go fucking crazy. There was nothing moral about it. It was biological. S23 was the hotter girl, and more my type. Smaller, for one thing. I like small girls.

Since then I’ve thought about that situation many times.

And I’m reminded of it with what happened with V.

V was more my type, physically, than P19, but a similar thing happened even when I first met her. At the same time I as I was initially dating V23, I had another lover, S17. S is extremely small. Imagine the smallest sexually mature girl you know, and that’s S. V would visit me, and have sex until I felt too tired for more. Then at midnight she’d have to go home, and S would come over, and we’d fuck all night. I NEVER got tired with S. I got tired with V after about an hour.

Same thing.

Eventually V and I grew into a stronger sexual chemistry. Which was a bit of new information to add; ok, so sexual chemistry can also grow.

But it was growing from a different base.

Most of the time that I dated V, I had other lovers, at least one. But eventually I gave them up, in order that she wouldn’t break up with me again, because I was very in love and attached to her, as my mate.

But I found it very difficult to do – too difficult.

And now my introspection can’t exactly tell me why.

Was it because fundamentally I need a plurality of girls?

Or was it because she wasn’t hot enough and my style enough to begin with?

That’s a horrible, horrible question to pose to oneself. So amoral! V and I loved each other dearly and were best friends, and had absolutely everything in place to be life long companions. Except that I really, really, REALLY wanted other lovers and not just her.

Morality has and had nothing to do with my desires; they were there regardless of what morality says should or should not happen.

Did V “deserve” a man who would not have these feelings? I don’t think deserve enters into it either. She fell for me, just as girls are famous for doing; falling in love with the bad boy who “cheats” instead of the good boy who never would. That’s so common it’s a trope.

But what if she were hotter?

Well, I’ve dated hotter girls, very hot girls, and lived with them.

Usually for the first year I’m mostly satisfied with monogamy, with little urge to look around. Not out of moral duty, but simply fascination with the one girl. She holds all my interest.

Now my situation is a bit different than my past. I’m quite old, and you could say almost aged out of the marketplace, for the hot girls I’m so used to dating. My options are dwindling fast. It’s VERY difficult for me to replace a hot girl with another hot girl now.

And I have a new hot girlfriend, who wants to live with me as my mate.

I don’t feel the need any more to date other girls, like I always did with V. That’s so horrible and painful to admit. I really really wish that were not true. It’s terrible that it’s true. V was everything a girl should be. How could I possibly want more?

But I do; I want a hot girl who is small. And my new girlfriend is that. Exactly my type. Great sexual chemistry. Fucking perfect fit. She’s way hotter than I “deserve” if one only considers bodies. I’m not that attractive, and I’m old, and she is noticeably well above average in attractiveness, and young.

I’m not likely to do better to pair bond with, without getting someone very mentally damaged or impaired.

And every year that goes by makes it less likely.

Opportunity affects desire. Before I was always able to make sexual opportunities, because I’m quite experienced and skilled in both seduction and keeping girls around.

But that can’t last forever, without major improvements in cosmetic surgery.

So I really hope that I can be closer to what most people consider moral. Not just because I’m tired of breaking hearts all the time. But because I want to be happy for myself.

I don’t sleep around because I feel it’s the moral and right thing to do. It’s a very deep hard wired compulsion – one that if you don’t have you’d never be able to empathize with. My entire being is driven to fuck hot girls. It’s not a side job.

So now I have a hot girl that I’m fucking. For now I’m going to do just that, and hope for the best.

Update: I’ve been updating the post related to meeting J, and getting over V, daily.

https://xsplat.wordpress.com/2018/01/22/forced-against-my-will-to-replace-my-primary-and-the-usual-fast-bonding/

Here is an extract from today that is relevant to this post.

I realize that keeping this girl for the long haul is a different task than falling in love and having our honeymoon phase. It’s a common thought that younger girls will cheat on their much older husbands. As long as I remain interested, I think that I’m up to the challenge. I like to be constantly challenged with constant seduction; long term seduction is something I’m good at and have put a lot of thought and effort into.

There has been a great deal of emotional wreckage surrounding my life. V once told me that girls spirits can ruined. One girl turned to prostitution after having a serious nervous breakdown when she finally realized that she wanted me to stop seeing my second girlfriend, who at the time was M. Another seems to have sworn off men entirely, after in our relationship I wouldn’t stop seeing other girls, and didn’t want her to keep the baby. Another woman left her husband for me, and wound up single. She was 41 years old to my 30. I had counseled her to stop fucking me or she would fall deeply and uncontrollably in mutual love, but she would not listen. M had years of torment about not keeping me faithful and not marrying her, and is still not married. I could go on.

V is a strong woman who I have a great deal of respect for as a person. Her female agenda for strict monogamy is annoying, but also includes wisdom, and I think she can do well in her future. It took a lot of strength and courage to leave me, and she’s been working hard to put her life in good order. I really respect her, and like her, and always did.

So many broken hearts in my life. And mine has been broken so often. I keep telling myself that collateral damage is inevitable, and everybody – absolutely everybody who dates – causes and receives heartbreak. It’s built into the system, and we didn’t create the system.

But I’m looking forward to not being the “cause” of that in the immediate foreseeable future.

Advertisements

Right and wrong is a social contract that means you must betray and out those that break your preferred contracts.

Is being able to lie or deceive a positive quality? One that can bring more benefits than we like to believe? Sure that it can also be dangerous and make you lose quality people if that is your character all the time. But wouldn’t it be positive at certain times?

Children must be taught that social norms and parental expectations are the equal to right and wrong.

Some people eventually begin to question rules.

It’s emotionally and psychologically difficult to question certain rules. We have the term “cognitive dissonance” to put a pin in the mental map of the shit that goes down when our brains overload from frying our circuits. Our neurons are wired up, naturally, to know and understand rules.

Right and wrong are basic rules we were reminded of, constantly, since before we could form long term memories.

Yet from other perspectives it’s quickly clear that right and wrong are strategies to power. Evolutionary psychology would predict and accurately record that monkeys and dogs will steal dinner scraps only if no one in power is looking. We lie when we expect to get away with it.

From this I will jump ahead.

There is no empirical right and wrong. There are social mores. It’s fine to kill and intern Japs if it’s WW2 and your society is wartime US. It’s totally wrong, even as a US citizen, from a different social time.

And we must take this one step further.

Right and wrong completely relies on outing people who betray social mores.

Right and wrong can not work without law, betraying confidence, and outing people who betray contracts.

There is no right and wrong. It’s a SOCIAL contract.

Only society can create and enforce it. And it only works through outing people.

(This post was written as fast as I could type it with no edits, after drinking half a big bottle of vodka. That’s an admission of weakness, not a boast.)

Further thoughts:

There is no society. We clique and shift alliances.

Even as I age out of the dating marketplace, I’m nowhere near my peak lifetime potential

One of my girls is causing drama, phoning and threatening the other two in her city.  I’ve had to next her.

A girl that I’m bonded and in love with, but for whom I have a bit less sexual chemistry, agreed to meet me, after she had broken up with me for seeing other girls, and I was away from Bali for 8 months.  She has never had sex with anyone other than me.  She’s about 26 years younger than me. I’m very emotional about her.   I’m the type of guy whose emotions can’t be hidden; my eyes tear up out of happiness, my face flushes red out of embarrassment.

On the first night she limited my groping away from her nipples.  The next day she insisted on a condom.  At first.  She has a very difficult time understanding how I can be in love with her but refuse not to stop fucking other girls.  Every time I say anything about her, she bounces it back with “that’s what you say to all the girls”.

V is so sweet.  Very emotional, very romantic.  Very bright and funny. I have some feelings for her that I don’t have for anyone else right now.

Only with her do I get to be witty.

I very occasionally go out hunting.  Most of the time I don’t even make one approach.  I rarely get any IOIs, and in fact can’t even catch a glance most of the time.  When I’m not outright invisible I get actual scowls of disdain, just for daring be taking up space.

Lately I’ve been getting messages from some girl I handed my business card to.  She’s small and my type – I only approach girls who I’d want to see on a regular basis.  At first I assumed it was the drama girl, trying to entrap me, so I ignored it.  But as of today a date has been set up for when I return to Java.  Nice timing – I can drop the drama girl without any change in the number of companions.

You may notice that within this narrative is an underlying theme, and principle.  If a man holds his frame, at all costs, things can work out far better than how women SAY they will.  And no matter what you think your sexual value, you can punch above your weight.  And up your value to punch yet higher still.  And you can do that far longer than other others will tell you.  I expect to still be dating young women when I’m 70 years old.  Some of them may be my current companions.  Even though they’ll be pushing or even past forty, a girl gets bonus points for history.

Being old does not necessarily mean you can’t still date attractive young women.

Being non-monogamous does not necessarily mean that women will not remain deeply romantically and sexually attached to you.

A man can hold his frame.  It would amaze most people how much weight holds up under a strong frame.

Women will threaten every possible thing they can to keep a man monogamous.  Some will resort to threats of theft, police, and physical violence, against you or the women in your life.  Most will threaten abandonment.  And yet if a woman is bonded and attracted to you, she will feel compelled to keep seeing you, even if it causes her frequent tears.

It’s very difficult for me to get dates.  I plan to order a wig today, as there is not much hair left.  Sometime this year I may get something done about the heavy wrinkles in my face.

But even without the wig and surgery, and even being short and ugly and bald and old, and even with already having four lovers who fight over me, I’m nowhere near close to my sexual marketplace potential.  Even without further building up my businesses and pipeline – but just now with what I have, I am only scratching the surface.

Some percentage of cool and interesting attractive young women would continue to fall for me, as I am, and put up with and even join in on my sexual shenanigans.

I’m going to need to slot in some time for handing out more cards.

 

Rollo Tomassi thinks all old men must pay for young ass

In response to my re-posting this post  (excerpt from post)

Either you are fucking multiple attractive young women who are in love with you, or you do not understand and do not have the skill sets involved.

There is no such thing as a man who could do that but chooses not to.  A fox sees grapes he can’t reach, and then tells himself those grapes were sour anyway.

And then he tell himself that all other foxes are deluded if they think they are getting high grapes.   “Your girlfriends are not really having orgasms you idiot!  Even though I have never met you or your girls, I know that!  God, how dumb can you be to think you are actually getting high grapes!”

on Rollo’s blog, and tweeting a link to it on my years old twitter account, Rollo replied:

[TL;DR Rollo is full of shit because he’s married. YaReally is too because he isn’t married yet. Read me instead because.

You aren’t full of shit. And the shit you are full of is not because you are married.

Read for comprehension.

You confuse some of your shit with the rest of your insights because you are not seducing and fucking young ass.

Or because you are too whipped to admit you are fucking young ass.

Take your choice.

Hehe,..I guess I should feel honored you’d start a Twitter account just to tell me all of that X.

From what I remember though, you’ve been ‘buying’ young ass in SEA for some time now. I’m not sure how that constitutes ‘seducing’ young ass, but hey, if you feel that what I write should be disregarded as ‘bad teaching’ because I’ve been married for 20 years, you can always look to Roosh for inspiration on how to live a rewarding life.

I still love you X. Yours has always been one of my earliest blog reads and I still pop over from time to time.

I agree with you that not censoring is the best method, because it shows the nature of the beast.

You have in your comment proved my point.

You believe that even though you have not met me or my girls, that I am lying about my personal experience. You HAVE to believe that.

Because YOU are not fucking young ass, it means I am paying for it.

That is exactly my point. You do not have a clue how to fuck young ass. And therefore you have no choice but to assume that I’m paying for it.

Discussion with commentors continues from here.  It’s surprising to me how much resistance many guys have even to the very idea of being with much younger women.  It must be about an identity crisis!  It must be about hormonal imbalance!  It must be about way out of whack priorities!  It must be this or that or that or this – but not about how great and life improving it is to be naked with young women.

People absolutely can’t stand having ambitions that seem out of reach, and will go so far as to deny other people the possibility that others have and are reaching good ambitions that they dare not have.

The “problem” of feelings

BiggNastee Wrote: I don’t get it tho. How the fuck do you detach from your emotions? I am almost 100% sure this girl is fucking around and there are other reasons I should be “spinning plates” but I have feelings for this bitch still. Its my fault, I just wanna know how to avoid it on the next one. I did everything I could think to not catch any feelings.

Ya, not having any feelings is a way some guys choose to go. Doesn’t seem to work for everyone. And some of us prefer to enjoy our feelings. It feels good to have positive feelings, and to have those we do require a supportive environment.

We all know that the old fashioned way was to to try to create a relationship that supported nurture and romance along with fun and adventure. Tough. But that was the old goal.

I still like that old goal, and still pursue it, and believe it’s perfectly workable.

I think it’s a horrible idea to deaden feelings to the point where the man no longer even bonds. I mean sure, having fuck buddies and flings is fun, but it’s just human nature (for most of us) to feel a unique satisfaction out of bonding with someone who cares for us. That’s normal, and it’s healthy. I support it in my own life, and I’d support others who tried to do the same.

So rather than try to avoid catching feelings, a question might be how to manage your boundaries such that you either:
a) control the woman better, or
b) eject yourself from a painful situation earlier
or
c) learn to handle more painful feelings without being overwhelmed – like riding a wave without drowning. Careful on this one though, as you can wind up making yourself a doormat and losing respect for your own boundaries.

Screening, controlling the woman, and managing your level of commitment and personal boundaries work together in a gestalt. A fugue. You can’t just focus on one particular element. I advise that you particularly are not the type of person who will fare better in life by not having feelings. Rather you’ll need to integrate them and own them and accept them and work your life and your feelings together.

Personal boundaries are very challenging to learn about, work with, and enforce. On the one hand we want intimacy, on the other we need to avoid abuse and pain, and on the left foot we need a little freedom to have our own fun. Luckily having strong boundaries is attractive – even though women will NEVER admit it, and will cry and scream if you show a backbone. But that leads us to:

Controlling the woman. If you watch a few episodes of The Dog Whisperer you’ll quickly notice that there are two types of dog. The ferile dog who doesn’t submit to a higher authority, and the tamed dog who obeys it’s pack leader. During each show the dog transforms from one type to the other, and it’s as though it’s a whole new dog. Women are exactly like that. There are two types of women, and it is up to the man to create the 2nd type out of his girl. This is a very deep subject that can’t be summarized in one blog post, but there are many tips and tricks about leading your woman to submission on this blog.

Ejecting yourself from painful relationships: This is boundary control again. If she can’t be tamed, bring things to brinkmanship, and mean it. Meaning you eject. And that might be the end of it; it sometimes is. This takes self discipline; the same discipline it takes to not eat one more bite of chocolate cake, or to not pick up the coke spoon again. Just let it go. The easiest way to manage this is by side-tracking your focus with other girls and activities, and when things get really rough, then travel.

Learn to handle more painful feelings without being overwhelmed: Some people deliberately practice polyamory. They’ll have a few girlfriends, and some of their girls might have other lovers. This has the obvious pros and cons. The pain and trouble of jealousy is offset by the joys of having variety; no one girl has to be perfect, as they complement each other, and your life is more rich and full. You will get jealous, as will the girls. There are tricks to manage this. Some people set up certain rules. You might have to know who the third and fourth and fifth parties are. Or your rule might be don’t ask don’t tell. You might have a calendar scheduled. It’s up to you to find something that works, and that might change over time, and you might have to abort the whole thing eventually. The notion here is that rather than try to completely avoid jealousy, you find out how much of it you are willing to handle, and accept that much, and only that much. You can also learn to handle painful feelings without any sort of polyamory. In both cases I don’t actually know how it’s done. All the how to advice I’ve heard really boils down to “just do it”, but I think the way it works is that over time you get used to the feelings – you just have to let them flow through you – the pain of them and all – and learn to not get fixated. Also distraction can help, for when we do get fixated. As can spinning plates – the ultimate distraction.

WestCoast says: The advice I would give is… 1) Use her to practice your bedroom skills or 2) tell her “your actions are unacceptable, goodbye” never responding to any message phone call email or text.

1) the benefit is obvious, you’ll improve sex moves, stamina, gain more confidence
2) benefit is less obvious, you are training yourself to have discipline, if you have some gripping feelings with her KNOWING she is a bad catch you should train yourself to stand ground. Goodbye means… Goodbye. Period. There is no make up.

Now lets assume you got burned. The solution is easier. GET TO WORK!! You’ re a human being, so use those bad pussy emotions into good ones. Lift, run,take classes. The worst thing to do is sit there and “think about the interactions”.

Causation or correlation: women with higher partner counts divorce and cheat more

There have been many posts, articles, and forum discussion about the mathematical link between how many previous partners a woman has had and the likelyhood that a marriage will end in divorce within 5 years. There are also graphs that show her likelyhood to cheat.

The correlation is stark – virgins are less likely to divorce or cheat, and the higher the partner count, the greater the risk for both.

The automatic conclusion for most men is therefore that for life satisfaction in an LTR, get a faithful woman. And to get a faithful woman, get a woman with the lowest partner count possible.

The thing that men who value lifetime commitment and purity will never be able to empathize with, is that some men don’t hold lifetime monogamy in as much esteem, and do hold sexual heat in a relationship in relatively higher esteem. The trade-off is worth it to them.

Those who value lifetime bonds also have a very difficult time with the fact that people have innate predispositions. Girls with lower libido are less likely to have many partners. Girls born and built with higher libido are more likely to have more partners. And girls with higher risk taking and novelty seeking propensities are more fun than their timid sisters.

I would choose a fun high infidelity risk hottie with overpowering sexual heat over a tepid hottie who would never possibly cheat every time.

And when we split up, I’d get another.

I’d much rather look back at a lifetime of 10 passionate and supercharged romances over a period of 20 years than one long easy low maintenance very secure tepid bland relationship of 20 years.

Adventurous women with high libidos have a higher infidelity risk. That suits me fine.

Rollo wrote an article about such statistics and I have to agree with his main point; how strongly a man registers to a woman changes how much she bonds with him.

It does happen that a girl can have fucked hundreds of guys and never even had an orgasm. Then she’ll meet some guy who she has incredible chemistry with, and becomes a never ending Niagra Falls of cum. To her that will be the first lover she ever had. She’ll say I love you 50 times a day and talk of how if you die she’ll never fuck another person.

That happened to me a few years ago, but the girl died on me. But I’ve had other experiences that were in the same category, with a girl being with other guys after me but still routinely letting me know that for her there is no other man in the world except for me. Years after breaking up, and years after her being with many guys.

As Rollo says, all numbers are not equal. Girls don’t just hop from this penis to that penis. They hop from one level of intensity to the other. The greatest intensity and connection is not equal to the others. Men are not equal.

Women are not equal, and men are not equal. We are not all just another digit. Some men count more.

And here is what I believe is natures evil little twist: the men who are most likely to want secure lifetime commitment are the same men that are least likely to be that guy who eclipses all other experiences before or after.

This is why the security men place such a high value on fidelity. Because they do not want to compete in the sexual marketplace.

They want to compete in a marketplace of fidelity.

I don’t think a lot of fidelity fears are so much marketplace insecurity, as they are not wanting to be stuck as provider for another man’s spawn.

There are many practical issues. Divorce rape, cuckolding, the emotional pain of being cheated on, the emotional comfort that comes from the idea of a secure shared future, the easing of anxiety about not having to worry about sexual competitors.

There are many great reasons to prefer a non-adventurous, risk averse, novelty averse, low libido woman for a mate.

However for some men these great reasons are outweighed by the benefits that come with the girl being fun (novelty seeking and risk taking) and having a very powerful libido.

It will always be a trade off. You can’t have an amphibious high speed supertanker airplane-boat. You don’t get 21 year old virgins who aren’t hung up home schooled religious wackos unless they innately are not much interested in fucking.

Or they want to raise a family, and be there as a father.

You have a point there. For men who want to live with their children until maturity, being with a woman holds an entirely different dimension of purpose.

However I argue that these men often conflate relationship with parenting, and will even compete against the bad boys for girlfriends on the basis of their fidelity.

Women vote with their feet, and even though their mouths complain, in their prime they are not valuing fidelity over edge. They prefer to cry for that bad boy than settle with the good boy.

The way of the walrus is more attractive than the way of the penguin.

Penguins confuse raising kids with having a relationship based on attraction.

Nowadays relationships and even marriage are not about the kids. They are about attraction.

Virginity is not a guarantee of fidelity, but it is very highly correlated”

It’s also quite rare to marry as a virgin, isn’t it?

Those women who wait are a self selected group who already have innate predispositions.

If you just take any random virgin, there is no correlation between starting an ltr with her and her propensity to go on and fuck a small village of other boys.

We’re talking about marrying when you are a virgin. Or marrying at a very low partner count. Who does that? Virgins are scarce by the time they are marrying age, and of those, few wait for marriage.

It’s a rare group of lower than average libido and risk taking women who in this culture and economic environment bother to not fuck when they can, and instead wait for something as extreme as marriage. Marriage, for fucks sake! Or should I say for the sake of the children.

The type of girl who does that is secure because she’s boring and will stop fucking you after the first baby is born.

In the same way you wouldn´t try to fix your pc components with a wrench, you wouldn´t want a self-confessed whore to birth your children

Yes, there was a time when children were a prime consideration in marriage for women in their prime. Women in their prime also married for financial or political reasons, either their own or of their parents.

Nowadays it is men in their prime who would like to trade their fidelity for sex and lifetime commitment, but not women. Attractive women in their prime largely marry out of attraction. It’s more likely to be the uglier or older girls that would consider practical concerns, such as lifetime provisioning or a lifetime father around for the children.

Contrary from what you’d expect from the low partner count stats, young newlyweds divorce at a higher rate than those who marry when older. This is because low partner count women of marrying age are a minority of women who are either ugly with few options or timid hyposexual freaks. Their numbers are too small to even balance out the stability of marriage that comes with age.

I hear you that for marriage purposes, there are many advantages to choosing a risk averse, non-novelty seeking, low libido woman, because if you don’t, you will be getting involved with a woman who is a high infidelity risk.

A low socio-sexual score man would be wise to choose a timid girl with below average interest in fucking.

But a high libido man who wants a partner in crime to do all sorts of fun and wild stuff will never be able to find his flying supertanker. He’ll have to do his best to alpha up and keep the woman through maintaining attraction. He won’t be able to keep her “for the kids”, like he might a lower socio-sexual predispositioned woman.

Key concepts: 1)predispositions of the woman 2) choosing which traits you want to give up in order to have the flip side valuable ones 3) betas often have a lower socio-sexual score (interest in variety) than does the average women, and are very easily fooled by womens words 4) in todays economy, women don’t need a lifetime partner for the children. A higher libido woman AND a woman in her prime is likely to stay only for the reason of attraction – not for the kids.

And the final concept to take away from this long post: most men stop having much or even any sex with their wives after the first kid is born. That is less likely to happen if you choose a high libido, and therefore higher infidelity risk woman.

Update: Below is the updated chart that shows likelihood of marriage failure for newlyweds based on number of partners. In the discussion of the stats it is mentioned that there is a greater chance for failure if the couple had sex before marriage, implying that it is religious reasons for waiting for sex that is a stabilizing factor in many virgin marriages, not a factor of ability to bond. Note also the U shape of this updated graph – marrying a young hottie who has had few partners can be greater risk than marrying a more experienced woman. This is likely because as women get older, they get more partners, and older women are less likely to divorce, as they have fewer options in the marriage market to turn to.

I’d like to see graphs for partner counts related to other factors, such as ugliness, libido, and religiosity. And we need a graph that shows the average number of times per week the couple is having sex at years 1,2,3,4 and 5. If we had that information I think we’ll find that women with lower partner counts have serious deficits as marriage material.

From socialpathology.blogspot.com.au/2012/03/promiscuity-data-guest-post.html

Women who work aren’t feminine

Being feminine is an occupation. Women know that feminity is exactly what attracts men and maintains attraction. The reason women are feminine is so that they can be supported by a man, or in order to fuck a man.

A women who spends all her time earning income has no reason to be feminine. Her job of support is already accomplished.

So women working has a downside.

And this is again why I consider the best arrangement is for your woman not to have any job. Forget about whatever income she can bring in. That is insignificant in comparison for the value of her doting on you, and relying on you.

How to make a girl fall head over heels and hard?

This is a free association musing in reply to a question that is too broad to answer. It’s not really a post – the thoughts are barely formed. But I don’t think they will congeal into a clear image until I get them out there for viewing and comment and testing.

Theophilus

“She’s already in love. That was the easy part.”

I know you have touched on this before, but a focused post elaborating on the process to achieve this would be appreciated.

I’m going to have to free associate just to get some material to start with. You’ve asked a question that may be too large to answer.

I woke up from a dream an hour ago. I was playing with a group of children, and they were charmed and laughing and we were having fun. On waking up I noticed a similarity to managing the minds and moods of children to managing the minds and moods of women. In my early teens the local neighbors learned I was able to keep their kids pleasantly entertained and disciplined, and so I was regularly called to babysit. One families children were completely unmanageable terrors – to anyone but me. I did tame them, in time, and we learned to enjoy ourselves. As usual, the kids eventually fell in love with me – as it should be. Which of us didn’t love some grade school teachers – both male and female. There can be a type of affection reserved for authority figures in certain positions that stays with us fondly for years.

(One kid even took the time to research where I lived, years later after he’d grown up into a teen, and dropped by just to say hi and thanks and that he’d appreciated his time spent with me. Another group of kids also saw me, years later, and looked up reverentially at me as if I were some minor god.)

Following along from babysitting, I’ve had other life experiences that indirectly served as training for dealing with women. One was being self employed as a salesman of jewelry and dresses and other feminine things, vending primarily to college age girls. My approach was to never try to sell anything. I rarely even talked about the products. I didn’t have much passion for the products – I was interested in the people. My job was to make them laugh. If I created a positive vibe in my kiosk, the money would be thrown at me from the crowd. Make em laugh, and they will be appreciative, and show it.

Other relevant trainings? I’ve put in many hours on the meditation cushion, and practicing chi-kung. So I can be strongly present and engaged, and carry a vibe that conveys ease. I’m comfortable with the dark corners in myself, and can use that to advantage to love others more completely. I can look into someone without needing to see rainbows and butterflies in there – and I can also see rainbows and butterflies in there.

I’ve dated vixens. I’ve been knocked and knocked again by the school of hard knocks. I know what its like to get played, and I’ve learned how to play a player. I know a girls tricks, and can use them against her. By now I know female psychology.

So how is it that I have a history of girlfriends falling deeply in love with me – sometimes in a very short time? How to do it?

Hmmm. More free association.

I’ve introduced a game to my girl that we play when we go out to a restaurant. “Who wins the contest?” I’ll ask. She looks around the room, and compares all the men and the quality of their dates and wives and company. “You do!” “Yes, I do! I win the contest!” My girl has so far always been the most attractive – plus our relative attraction difference is starkly in my favor. She’s way hotter. But about love, the contest is also about sexual chemistry and romantic charge. There can be young handsome bucks in the prime of their vibrant energetic youth, perfectly dressed and coiffed, with good posture, who are still schlubs. No charisma, no confidence, no sense of engagement, of controlling the mood of the table, of engaging the mood of the girl.

These guys at the restaurant tables can’t compete – with me! I win the contest – over them! No matter how handsome and well built, you’d never get my girl to leave the table to go check them out. And they are with fat or ugly or old or boring girls, and you very rarely see anything that reminds you of electricity.

People are passionless and dull, and have no sense of flair and charisma.

I used to think the reason girls fell fast and hard for me was the great sex. But the girl I’m with now was asexual for the first month or two, and I took her heart quickly – on the first date. Her virginity fell to me, and even though our sexual chemistry was poor, at first, she still bonded. So whatever happened that time wasn’t a sex addiction. I used all the skills that I have to hypnotize her into a mood – to get her to fall into the fantasy that she was born to play out – that she was falling in love. I decided I wanted her, and chose the mood. I used every opportunity to foster that mood. But fostering a mood can only be done the same way a dramatist or D.J. or musician does it – you can’t just play the same tune over and over – you have to mix up your sets. Your overall mood of your drama may be a comedy, or a thriller, but even inside a comedy you need thrills, and inside a thriller you need comedy. Your mix tape may lean to romantic ballads, but you still need at least one strong dance tune in there. Push and pull.

To have a woman fall in love with you, you need to be the director of moods. You need to feel in your body the whole piece, that includes yesterday, this morning, and projects into tonight, and tomorrow. You are the social director of a cruise ship, the events planner at a wedding. You are responsible for alternating the moods, and must have a sense for how moods develop.

A kid wants to be tucked into bed with a bed-time story, and if he doesn’t get it, he’ll wander down to the TV room later to ask for a glass of water. A girl wants to fall asleep in your warm love. A kid loves best to wake up to a happy birthday. A girl loves best to wake up to a cheerful “good morning!”. There are ritual moods you use throughout the day. Each morning that you say “good morning!” adds on more depth of cheer to the last, until the simple words contain a history of happiness.

Sometimes instead of good morning I’ll say happy birthday, or merry Christmas.

You can embody celbebration, love, and dominance. She’ll want to give up her body mind and soul to be of your world. The more she gives up, the more demands you make on her. Children also want demands placed on them – it makes them feel like valued and important family members. If you are carrying groceries, you must give one small bag to even the smallest child. No matter he says he doesn’t want it. He needs his job to do to be important. Same for the girl – you must give her duties and expectations in order for her to feel she is necessary to your tribe.

She will start to feel that the two of you share a project – share the project of a happy life.

Women don’t reason, they rationalize. And it’s usually about sexual competition.

Diomondeyes

It all boils down to the fact that females loathe sexual competition and the anxiety it produces, and will use any nefarious means at their disposal to squash competition and monopolize a man’s sexuality.

Pretty much any commentary any woman has about relationship and most of everything else boils down to this.

Is having a harem worth the stress?

Gorbachev

Re: Harems

On a side note, they’re not that cool. It sounds great until you do it. Unless you’re a political animal and love drama, just not worth it.

You can have sex without the angst and neediness and endless… conversations. Dancing like a chicken on an electric wire for what?

Ack.

I’ll agree that you need a high tolerance for drama. Thankfully such tolerance builds up through exposure.

And I’d like to think such managerial skills and tolerance for tension are useful skill-sets to build into a personality.

The stress and tension has rewards. It’s not a bad lifestyle at all. I’d say that non-monogamy and serial monogamy are about on par for overall life satisfaction. One leans more towards romance and comfort – at the risk of boredom. The other more towards fun and excitement and sexual variety and adventure – at the risk of stress.

What I like to do is have alternate long bouts of serial monogamy with non-monogamy. But I’m not a player and never do PUA style pump and dump. Even the one nighters are all about intimacy – and I prefer if the one nighters become just one new member of the family.

And I’ll add that for some personality types, you really haven’t lived until you’ve had concurrent girlfriends.

After my mate died, I told my ex exactly what my plan was. I was going to wait about 6 months before dating again, then I was going to get several girlfriends. I allowed the ex to live with me those 6 months as platonic company, and the week after finally getting her dragging ass out the door I was dating. Within two weeks I had a few girls who’d visited and were interested, and within a few months I had a live in lover, a serious 2nd lover who wanted to marry me, and a ping pong sleepover buddy. They all knew about each other.

For those who’ve never lost a serious mate to death, I suggest you don’t. But if you do, the soul cure outlined above seems a good one.

The Specimen

Shooting strange on the side. When you’re doing it right, it’s almost impossible not to have a main chick.

I’ve had several main girls before. Or no main girl, if you want to put it that way. But I agree it’s natural that one girl will eventually take the lead and become the number one. Either situation is unstable. The only stability you can keep in MLTRs is a stable rotation of who is considered your family.

And if you are doing it right, the girls will consider you their family.

Good Luck Chuck

These kinds of arrangements always have a shelf life which is determined by the TRUE long term mating value of the man involved.

It’s a catch 22. If she doesnt’ fall in love with you deeply, it can last longer. If her infatuation is too shallow, she’ll be boning other boys.

As soon as she really swoons and is hopelessly physically yours, body mind and soul, you have trouble. Crazy serious trouble.

Multiple long term relationships are unstable. From three to six months is to be expected, but rarely you’ll break past a year.

Nipsales

I have successfully pulled off MLTR’s lasting more than a year. I do not have any special powers. I simply meet a LOT of women, take them on dates, turn them into fuckbuddy and then end up in a relationship with them where we both care about each other, provide mutual support and they ask me to be exclusive (or don’t bring it up) At which point I decline, and just continue to see them. If i recive an ultimatum, i tell them its my way or the highway.

That means you’re keeping it light and casual.

I left two girls that I had a year going with, so I could have extended past that. But one was fucking around, and the other was in the dark the whole time.

But if you work on getting the girls properly ensnared, sooner if not later the girls are going to fall in love, and that changes everything.

I like to ensare girls as deeply as possible. Own them and their mitochondria too. When you are the girls life, there is no casual easy going happy go lucky free for all anymore. Sooner or later, she WILL crack. And you might not see it coming. Like an earthquake, the invisible fault line will traumatically rupture.

The male enforcers of lifetime monogamy allow Matrons to forbid sexy stewardesses. White knight beta chumps.

There exists a sexual strategy for males that is to be in alliance with the sexual strategies of females, and especially of matrons. This is the lifetime monogamy strategy, which seeks to enforce lifetime monogamy as a social regulation. Such people need to stick their nose into others peoples business just to regulate their own supply. They need to create and enforce a social contract. Because if not everyone has lifetime monogamy, women gravitate to the most attractive men, and a large swath of men get no pussy at all. So the lifetime monogamy men push for an evened out distribution of one lifetime partner per man.

That contract includes growing old with your mate. It includes keeping a tight reign on your lust towards strangers and new youthful fresh pussy as you grow older. It values pair bonds and family over new conquests.

Any youth injected into any old mans life is dangerous to the endevour, as other old men will get jealous and consider the advantages of such forbidden fruit.

Matrons weild huge political power to make it a thought crime to even consider youth and beauty. It’s all about family, children, and ongoing support for the aging wife.

I should add that men who take this strategy are often unaware that women have a dual mating strategy.

The reason women push for socialism is that they consider alpha seed to be superior. Regardless of how the nerdy engineers and underwear heroes view themselves as compared to “alpha thugs”, girls consider alpha seed superior. Women know that alphas make unreliable providers, and so require socialism to raise alpha kids securely.

At the SAME time, they will push men with an opposite agenda – to not fuck youth and beauty, and to commit to marriage.

The beta matron supporters never see the divorce coming. They get hit upside the head and all they can say is “huh?”.

Update: I just came across this similarly themed but more thourough and thought out post that with a parallel synchronicity of invention was posted on the same day: http://human-stupidity.com/science/evolution-psychology-darwin/to-justify-our-moral-judgments-we-invent-victims-even-if-there-are-none/comment-page-1#comment-55471

The rogue cad wins when the dating market is anarchy.

If you read this book http://home.cc.umanitoba.ca/~altemey/ and also read up on the genetic basis for morality, you’ll come to the conclusion that humans have genetic social castes.

The conservatives are the betas.

You may have noticed that a lot of game is mimicking “alpha” behaviors, which for the purposes of this blog means behaviors which appeal to the hypergamous impulses of women. A big chunk of the behaviors is mimicking the behaviors of the cad. The guy with more than one girl, who is beholden to no one, is a risk taker and a rule breaker.

There is a genetic basis to such a guy.

The opposite of the rogue cad is the person who innately respects social rules. The guy who views society as more important than himself – the guy who trusts societies rules more than he trusts his own. Bob Altmeyer’s authoritarians are the born beta class. The policemen, the soldiers, the petty bureaucrats, all those who uphold the social contract.

It’s a sexual hindrance in the modern age where marriage is a raw deal and the social contract has fallen apart, to be born with the genetic programming of relying on social structures to do your mate guarding. Nowadays the cad has the advantage, because his strategy that is built into his emotional preferences from day one is to pursue higher risk shorter term mating and pair bonding. He’s more likely to either be better at this, or to become better at it, because his innate preferences do not shun impure girls for bonding, and so he’ll get more practice at bonding with various available girls.

This is the age of the Cad. The authoritarians are now left mimicking the cad, in order to regain advantage.

More on using dominance to win the heart and soul of your mate.

…blah blah blah… Daddy syndrome … blah bhah blah

There is no such thing as a Daddy Syndrome.

The only women who don’t have what you would call a Daddy Syndrome are women who have never been tamed and come to respect the authority of the man. Once you dominate your woman, she will treat you the same way a child treats her father.

It’s not a syndrome. It’s a universal sexual dynamic. The only reason this isn’t recognized is because most men die without knowing what it feels like to be treated as the dominant rightful authority of the household.

And the reason most men consider such doe eyed subservience as some sort of failing and a lack of mature autonomy on the part of the girl, is that most men have been indoctrinated to not seek power over their women first off, and secondly, most men haven’t the wherewithal to inspire feelings of paternal devotion from their mates. It’s a skill, a difficult skill, that takes training and practice. It’s an art form. An art form that needs to be taught.

So I’m trying to help with that.

Here’s a question though: what if, after all the banter and flirting has settled down a bit, she starts talking about her “problems”? The deeper issues in her life; for example, various family issues.

Given that she’s emotionally healthy, what’s the best way to deal with that? Blow her off? Change the topic? Tell her you’re not good at that kind of thing? Or actually listen?

Being a psychiatrist for a girl is tingle-destroying, for sure.

Most of women’s self initiated talk therapy is just girl talk. It’s a way of communicating that girls do. Most men – at least older men – hear it as “blah blah blah me me, and the she said, and so I said, and I can’t believe she said, blah blah, and don’t you agree, and you do, don’t you?”

I suppose it should be kind to consider deeper family issues in a different category. Something that talk therapy can help with.

Usually, not, no.

Talk isn’t that important. There isn’t really anything to discuss. Unless it’s for fun. Does she need to re-arrange her mental maps such that she can approach the world in a more effective way? Does she need to reprogram her thought processes to allow herself to be happier? If so, don’t count on being helpful – people are sadly inflexible, and if an adult needs therapy, they well be broken, rather than warped.

The trick is to choose a girlfriend who is usually cheerful. It may be impossible to avoid a woman with moods, but most can be so dominated that they stop throwing moods at you. If you are intolerant of moods and she wants to be with you, for the woman capable of restraint, you can conquer that last bastion of female style of household dominance.

If the girl is basically cheerful, and happy, forget about talk therapy. The therapy is laughing and smiling and joking around and enjoying yourself and loving and fucking hard and going out on the town and thrilling each other and being quiet and shutting the fuck up.

That’s therapy.

So as to what you actually do? Do whatever you are actually inclined to. If you are inclined to lose patience, then simply lose it. Just say you’re done talking for now.

There is far less need to be “sensitive” than most men know. If she doesn’t know that you love her already, that’s her problem. You don’t have to tip toe around each and everyone of her feelings to constantly prove it. If you would rather not spend an hour pouring over her emotional narratives, just get your point across in whatever way you selfishly want. In a humorous way, an oblique way, a blunt way, it doesn’t really matter. What matters is that you take charge and lead the direction of the discussion, and if she persists and insists on talking when you’ve finished talking, then be more forceful. Even to the point of saying “stop talking”, if need be.

In fact your woman should be very used to you saying “stop talking”, and you should have conditioned her to not take any offence at it. And to actually stop talking.

Oh, and as to useful therapy, I’ve found that my most influential mentors taught me the most non-verbally. It’s not what they said, it’s how they said it. Their style. Their panache. Mental training is learned not just be reading, contemplating, and meditating, it’s learned by mimicking.

If your woman admires you, and you are able to control the mood of your household, she’ll eventually take on that mood, and your household itself will be therapeutic.

You set the tone, you set the frame. You are the master of moods of aromas and music and you control the TV remote.

The verbal talk therapy is interspersed into that with anectodes, and very rarely do you ever talk about “her issues”, if at all.

A lot of women use the “we need to talk out some issues” theme as emotional blackmail to drain the man’s time and attention and to subtly get hand in the relationship. She is controlling his attention, rather than letting his attention be self directed.

Beware.

DON’T be kind about this.

This is a shit test. This is only a test. This test is brought to you by the emergency shit testing system. Had this been a real test, she would be telling you she has her own ideas or has taken on another advisor. Her asking for input into how to babysit and micromanage her mind is a test of your “shut the fuck up” system.

Seriously, a lot of women deliberately want to wear you down emotionally, so that your step loses it’s spring. You are constantly thinking about relationship “issues”.

This makes you unattractive, and she knows it.

It’s a game of dominance she is playing over you.

Now you know how to regain your hand.

Pinch her lips. Escalate up to WHATEVER you have to do to shut her up, even if it is physically carrying her out the door and locking it on her. Leaving YOUR house is not the way. She leaves YOUR house.

So – my attractive, Scandinavian, blonde girlfriend who plays innocent, but with lurking slutty streak has fucked up.

I, because I am sneaky, hacked into email and FB as soon as I suspected something (I found disturbing photos of her on her digital from a concert where she and this dude have got the way wrong body-language). Now – confronting her head on, she cooly said I had nothing to worry about.

3 months later I hack into her FB, and she is chatting with an ex-fling – convo is mostly harmless flirting, but flirting none-the-less. I also discover photos of her ex in planner.

Btw – we fuck every day.

Besides the fact that I am going to now channel my anger into a massive rage-fuck of the first available female, do I dump this girl’s ass without explanation, or do I explain to her exactly how she fucked up?

Care to hear a tale of how I handled a similar situation?

I logged into her yahoo chat history log, and found out she was flirting heavily enough that she was being open to make plans to meet an out of town stranger.

When she came home I was furious, and gave her a very viscious and angry fuck, and slapped her face hard, several times. She was afraid and had never seen me this way. Usually I just play rape, but this time I was serious.

Explanation? None. I just told her to watch her step.

Whenever the subject came up and she asked me what that was all about, I just told her to watch her step, because if she ever took a mis-step I’d dump her ass and kick her out the door and never talk to her again.

It was several weeks until I told her why.

I could have confronted her and told her I had dirt on her, but why bother?

I FULLY expressed ALL my emotions. And she was afraid.

It changed things, and step by step she became more tamed, and more resigned.

This was six months into living together, by the way.

Yes, I mate with sluts, but I never, never trust them. And I can tame them. A wild horse can be the best horse.

A solid power base requires diversification of interests.

A lot of what is said on game forums gets past our P.C. think self-tarding blinkers and puts things in a harsh and useful perspective.

Thinking in terms of power dynamics is one such perspective.

The man must wage war, fight, and earn social domination. Relationship is NOT about compromise. It’s about power.

Having options is one key to power in a relationship.

After a lifetime of painting oneself into a corner, a man looks around in shock and says “This is not my beautiful house! This is not my beautiful wife!”

The problem isn’t that he didn’t treat the marriage with the appropriate level of game, inspiring attraction in his mate. The problem isn’t that his wife turned on him. It’s that he spent his entire life painting himself into a corner.

Options, options, options. Passport. Portable forms of income. Options with other girls or the ability to get them.

And why not apply that life philosophy to children? Is the nuclear family the only, or even the best way to love kids? Even granting that it could be the best, a strategic approach would be to live a life that is the enactment of planning options. The kids should have an extended network of support, such that if you leave, they can prosper.

Never have a life with only one road in front of you. If you do, it’s your fault to be stuck in boring go nowhere traffic congestion, not the fault of the other people on the road.

When married my wife would complain “You know marriage takes work. You have to take me out on dates. Keep things fresh.”

I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I didn’t want to keep things fresh.

It took me a while to learn that you can’t tell yourself what to want. If you don’t want it, that’s that. Emotions are not a decision.

People who say that love is a choice and marriage is hard work have a very different notion of relationship than I do.

I follow my passions, I don’t enforce a lifestyle in the hope that passions will follow. Passions don’t follow.

People who plan for an elderly mate to wipe their ass in old age are not following passions. They compromise in the name of a commitment to security, and wind up with a passionless life. While risk takers live a life of passion. And loss. And renewal. And passion. We get springtimes of love, over and over. And summers and autumns and winters. Renewal.

Why indeed work to save a marriage? Work hard for something you don’t even want.

Let it die.

Protecting a marriage is like protecting an alpine forest from fire. It’s ecologically unsound, and you wind up with a raging uncontrollable inferno from all the built up deadwood anyway.

Marriage is like global cooling. At first the winters get longer, then approaches the glacier. How to cope? Build igloos? Roam across the tundra with wife and reindeer? Why cope at all when you can migrate to the places where the brown skinned girls are.

Protecting a marriage is like defending a snow fort. It seems important at the time, but you grow out of it.

Training in compassion makes you think with less bias.

Compassion is like butter.  It greases bumpy spaces to ease frictions, and flavors many small pieces to make a stew.

Training in compassion therefore makes your thought processes more inclusive, less biased, and more creative.

This study on why we love to hate indicts us all, and at the same time gives us cause to laugh at ourselves, and be a big crazy group.

Humans are passionate creatures. Our passions drive us, gives us a sense of belonging, and unite us as few other things can. Still, there are only a couple of passions that have been constants down the ages, passions that people from every place and culture can agree on. Love is one, but another is that “those no-good bastards over there are trouble.” Of course, we quibble endlessly over the exact definition of “those” — every culture, pretty much, has had a different group in mind. But the singular fact of prejudice per se was as recognizable in Ancient Greece, Rome, and Samaria as it is now in modern Greece, Rome, and Arkansas.

Beware hate.  It is a sign of projection and self loathing at worst, or of a lack of imagination at best.