After you get very proficient with seduction and maintaining strong passionate long term bonds with women, it becomes increasingly difficult to explain what it is that you are doing. More and more you are just being yourself.
More and more the mental maps that other people offer to describe ways to optimize dating strategies seem more and more incorrect.
When you get good with women, you are getting authentic with women. And then only after the fact we offer our own personal interpretations of our real life reference experiences. It’s not keyboard jockeying. It’s not trading around secret rules.
Our job as guys with experience is to get other guys to develop their own reference experiences, authentically.
Without substituting maps for experience.
I listen to a lot of WTF Marc Maron interviews of comedians, and one way that comedians learn their craft – I suppose the foundational way – is through improv on the spot, and being thrown into situations in which they must perform.
Comedians say it takes about 10 years, on the stage, to learn the craft of being funny.
Now of course you can and should study other comedians. But you can’t copy any comedian – that would not work. That can’t and doesn’t work.
Each guy HAS to develop and find his own authentic style, through feedback. It can and does and should take a LONG time. If it doesn’t, then you are stuck in the process of learning – there is more and deeper to go.
One thing I think a lot of guys miss is that feedback can happen within LTRs and MLTRs – not just on the street, or during the initial seduction stage.
LTRs actually should always stretch a man’s ability to the limit – if not, he could either be dating a hotter girl, or more girls.
Theory helps, and I do my best to think about and theorize and create and read mental frameworks that can sort the raw data in ways that organize without conflicting or excluding data.
But improv is important not just because it teaches us the muscle memory, deeply, in our being. It’s important because it IS a way of being.
I chose to learn the piano by pure improv, for two years.
It was purely a personal preference choice, and not one I would recommend to others.
I’m of the pure improv school, means that I realize that there are other schools.
I’ve also mentioned often that I do recognize that I’ve subconsciously incorporated skill-sets into my improv.
My flow moment, to me, is my primary motivation. I spent two years being a crappy piano player, because I prefer flow moments to being able to play the piano.
It’s personal. It’s what matters, to me. I believe that improv can become a character trait, as well as a skill – a way to be more present and authentic in the now, as a leader.
Deserve” is one of the most fucked up words in human psych. There is no such thing as “deserve.” Replace “deserve” with “desire” and you are closer to the truth in BlueVs statement.
That’s an interesting perspective, because in a way you are removing mental frameworks, and therefore being more present.
A great deal of Buddhism has that at the core. We must have philosophy, and mental maps, of course, yet a strange paradox is that the more refined maps look simpler and simpler – like edited prose.
I like how you side-stepped the entire argument. Whether we deserve to date women so much younger and more attractive than ourselves is the wrong question – not even worthy of giving a yes or no to.
Nothing to do with the now moment – if you can simplify enough.
Simplifying is actually hard, long work.
On the other hand, while deserve is the wrong question, the sexual marketplace is an exchange of value. Some girls might be “tricked” into thinking that a hollow shell of a man who is a good character actor narcissist is “worth” fucking, but girls don’t stick around with narcissists. That’s part of the very definition of being a narcissist, on the books; people don’t hang around, because people aren’t stupid, and they see through you, and see no there there.
I personally feel very deserving of true love, and very deserving of giving true love. And have a very inflated idea of the level of beauty that I rate, if you would base my male value on looks alone. But you could edit that and simplify it and say that I personally receive and give love, genuinely, and that hot young girls have been into me and still are.
The attitude of not deserving is a serious character flaw, and will certainly lead to problems with long term relationships, and most likely even to a sour grapes attitude that “I didn’t really want a long term relationship with that hottie anyway”.
So sometimes we need to reverse the curl of the paper, in order to get it flat. Go from the mental map of being undeserving, to being deserving, and then finally to simply going after what you want to the best of your ability – and stretching way past what others could conceive of as possible.