I’ve sometimes thought it would be helpful to newbs to listen to pillow talk.
I’m starting to form the idea that a lot of newbs lean a bit autistic, and that autistic traits are growing as a cultural problem. I’m starting to think that cultural and tech reasons are making people developmentally impaired plus over reliant on their left brain narrative. Less socially aware and emotionally embodied. Less flow moments, too much analysis.
This should have been obvious to me ages ago, I suppose. Dr. Iain McGilchrist’s youtube videos about left/right brain functions made a big impression on me, and gave aha moments to large swaths of my life and social life. Including giving context to my Buddhist years.
So sometimes it occurs to me that recording the pillow talk of me and my girl might make for good social imprinting on people who don’t have such resources.
Pillow talk is the opposite of scriptable. It’s pure flow moments.
That’s what people need to learn. Whenever I hear someone use the term “spit game”, I imagine someone who has no clue about genuine male/female social interaction. Do you “spit game” during pillow talk?
A baby step of thinking that you know what to say is better than being too timid to approach and then floundering if you do. But social interaction is about flow moments. Those moments of feeling fulfilled by feeling connected. Genuine sharing and mutual inspiration and fun. Pillow talk is likely a great teaching tool.
When I was in college (and sharing rooms with roommates), I used to think the most “disgusting” thing you could ever hear was a guy doing his “love talk” with a girl. ”
“It still makes me nauseous to think of intentionally exposing myself to another man’s pillow talk. Sneaky Tom’s very terrible date product was an example of a lot of this…
This is interesting feedback to get.
When I was married in my early mid twenties, the pillow talk was mutually infantile. Back then I sidled up to being close by mirroring the woman’s interests and attitudes. I had no idea about masculine polarity.
Does that sound like the pillow talk that you have heard so far?
Part of me really misses Miss Thick. If I had audio of her and I in bed, I would be very tempted to listen to it… but I’m not sure it would be good for me.
I still have very vivid dreams of my last main near live-in GF. And we haven’t seen each other or shared one letter of txt messaging in almost two years. It’s probably a good thing that her facebook is set to private. Ya, ruminating over her would be too emotionally vivid and not helpful.
I see what you mean about having others listen in on such emotionally vivid personal banter would also be a shared intimacy.
I’m just thinking that our current culture is hyper fragmented and in places pathologically broken. Single parent families, too much social media, not enough unsupervised play, over emphasis on left brained activities, not enough mentors.
I think a main way that we learn social skills is by imprinting. Imprinting, plus social feedback. Mentors, plus play and play dates and trial relationships.
I don’t think that books or text or describing techniques can imprint. I think we need to see it.
I assume it’s similar for sports and music. You have to hear great music before you realize the possibility of it. Then you can emulate it, then you can riff off the emulation, then after that you can invent your own.
I’m sure it’s the same for any boy interested in soccer. Once he saw a top level player do amazing things, he realized new possibilities.
Which touches on the subject of flow moments versus spitting game.
I’m often conscious of using game principles within flow moments. Even with unconscious mastery, there is still awareness of technique. Even a tennis player who has decades of finely crafted muscle memory is still aware of micro-seconds of decision making happen. But the processing of the decision happens in a different part of the brain. Once you learn something and have that knowledge consolidated, you can drive the car and have a conversation and look in the eyes of the passenger at the same time.
I think a risk of theory heavy advice to newbs is that the end result is a constant nearly neurotic games playing assessment. I think it’s very difficult to get across emotions such as actually FEELING relaxed and loved. Emotions such as making another relaxed and feel love. Emotions such as joy. Values such as fun, ease and laughter.
That’s why I think we need to broaden our ways of teaching to include imprinting.
We can’t do that with bootcamps; that still is too separate; too analytical; too distinct from embodying the process. I mean yes, it’s ideal to get real life feedback, and ideal to watch someone in set, and to get a first hand view of his technique and vibe. That is the type of mentorship and imprinting I’m suggesting is crucial. The social imprinting people need. But to really see behind the curtain, I think we need the paper thin walls to listen in on the neighbors.