do you have any notes about what you do to go from “physical stranger” to “spiritual sex?
I don’t do anything.
I’ve never done any state control, of any kind. It has never crossed my mind. All I did was fix my hair and makeup, and drive over. Not a single canned line. I’ve never in my life done any routine.
I’ve never paid any attention to anything about stages of seduction, when to spike attraction, when to give comfort, how to show value, how to give the illusion of scarcity etc. I’ve seen people talk about it, but it has never resonated with me. That all seems so video-gamey. A guy could easily get out of the moment, over-thinking things, trying too hard, I think. Then where is the connection? The whole reason you are there? Lost to agenda.
I wasn’t trying to accomplish or do anything, exactly. I don’t do A in order to get B result – not at all.
I’ve never intentionally made a girl fall in love with me. I’m simply very loving and loveable. Really – it’s true. I know a lot of guys can’t even visualize what that might be like, as cynicism runs so deep in our world. I truly love women – genuinely love them. And I truly am strongly capable of giving and receiving genuine love.
And of course part of being able to love is loving your own shadow side. I’m mostly an open book, and I mostly love myself, and I mostly am able to make friendly arrangements with even the dark ugly corners of the human condition. I don’t love ideals, and am not ideal – I try to make honest, real, close, loving relationships, based on reality.
Oh, and more than just being loving, I’m kinda funny, in a bitter-sweet dark chocolate kind of way. Very sexual humor. I never tell canned jokes, or deliberately try to be funny, but it’s just a habit to wring the most pleasure out of the absurdity of life, by pointing to it and laughing. I usually keep a straight face while being off-handedly witty, as if I did not just crack wise, and the humor flows seamlessly. My gf said that I have the ability to make people happy. She said that she instantly trusted me and knew that I was a good man, with a good heart.
I’d say that a major core of my seduction skill came from my father, who is a strongly monogamous family man. He’s a very loving man – the kind of guy who children instantly fall in love with and want to sit on his lap and play with him. He’s also a natural authority, and always instantly seen and respected as such. He’s never been embarrassed to be loving, and just considers it natural. My grandmother was perhaps the root of his personality core; I visited at age twelve and in two weeks absorbed her into my being. The most loving person I’ve ever met – you could go a whole lifetime without realizing it was possible for someone like her to exist. Other mentors must seep in. My best friend and mentor during my very formative years at the monastery and meditation centers, was always described by everyone as having a highly seductive personality. Very charming. And also a natural authority.
But I’m just guessing. Introspection is difficult and so is understanding what it is that works and why. I can do, but can I teach?
An example of my sense of humor would be when I was feeling vulnerable and roughly pushed her away from me, my hand shoving the center of her chest, and screamed “I don’t want to love you!”
You can see that I’ve internalized a few principles of game here, within the joke. Instead of being puppy eyed sappy and vulnerable, I turn it around and make fun of myself and use the situation as a push, and make a common – we are together in this deal because I’m recognizing how these things work, out loud , I’m sure you are feeling this too – joke out of it. I point at the absurdity of the situation, and that brings us together, and is a push pull all at once.
That was totally spur of the moment. I’ve been living with girls and dating girls for a long time, and have spent a lot of time reading and writing about it. So there is a lot of stuff that is internalized and incorporated on the spot without conscious thought or effort.
I haven’t really paid a lot of attention to it, but I think I make similar types of jokes all the time. A few girlfriends kept telling me that I was funny, and laughed a lot. If we both don’t speak the same language, I still manage to get laughs, using pantomine. Laughter was a big part of my sales technique for the many years that I was a travelling salesman.
I was talking with J yesterday about how we incorporate different accents and speech mannerisms from others. It’s unconscious, but I’m always incorporating mannerisms from my girlfriends. S16, who is now S19 shows up in my speech patterns a lot – she had some very fun little quirky speech patterns that add some extra joy to how to pronounce certain words or respond to certain situations. Very joyful and playful. It’s interesting, because on the whole her personality was rather crap – but at her best she was a joy, and some of her best is very noticeable in how I speak.
I think we are sponges, and what we sponge depends quite a bit on our attitude. I’ve sponged some core characteristics of being loving, and then worked extremely diligently to capitalize on them with Buddhist meditation practices to increase loving kindness, year after year. Little speech mannerisms here and there get soaked up. V was very kind and easy going and we had a great companionate relationship, and I learned a lot from her and sucked her up, these last three years.
Meditation and chi-kung teachers teach not only mindfullness techniques, but are great resources for vibe. You can suck up and internalize the vibes of your most respected mentors, and that makes you a more attractive person.
And most likely the strongest, number one reason that girls fall hard for me is the sex. Chi-kung sex is an absolute must, and everything that I am revolves around it.
Everything that I am revolves around it. Chi-kung sex can be a core of a being.
It’s about communion, power, expression, naked awareness. Love as spiritual awakening to the glory of inter-subjective wonder. Seeing god in the eyes of your lover, time stretching, seeming to share the same sensations as if unbounded by bodies, while discovering a fresh strong inhabiting of a body that seems to be energy that expands out well past the skin, into her, into the air, all with so much control and finesse – making operas and symphonies and beats out of sexual energy in various places of my and her body.
Sex is a lot about vibe. Our intonations in the voice carry quite a lot of the emotional transfer – at least as much – more even – than how we move our bodies. You have to feel a lot in order to make a woman feel a lot.
Oh, I guess that’s hitting the nail on the head.
You have to feel a lot in order to make a woman feel a lot.
Firstly being a safe space where emotions can happen (love) secondly being able to arouse and feel and share strong emotions (chi-kung sex, or simply looking in her eyes).
Both of those are not techniques that you can learn, in the same way you can memorize a script, or learn stages of seduction. Those are not things to do, those are things to be. That’s about developing your self, year after year, to be able to open to your own emotions, and love yourself, and share all that you are with others, while taking delight in what they share, and making workable deals with all the shit that comes from inside and outside.
Which is why sometimes I talk about grief, and not trying too hard to avoid it entirely. Why I make fun of people who warn against “catching feelings” or use the term “one-itis”, as if they are on the inside track to true wisdom by becoming anhedonic drones.
Catching feelings is the whole fucking point of being with a woman! That’s why you showed up for the date in the first place!
Update: Another example of the little twists that I keep injecting into most every turn of the conversation, to make them more playful and fun:
She looks up at me, ready to go out, and in an insecure tone of voice and face asks:
“Don’t I look beautiful?”
I examine her face inquisitively, not letting any final judgment show up on my face yet, then pinch both of her cheeks at once firmly, and declare with a look of satisfaction:
“There! Now you are beautiful!”
A careful reader will notice the heavy use of hypnosis and NLP. Or perhaps they will read it from the viewpoint of owning the frame, or dominance. Lots of game aspects you could interpret into that little joke.
Can’t you just imagine doing that to your middle aged female child, and then the youngest would come running up shouting “Daddy, make me beautiful too!”
Then she says that even though she’ll be out, she’s installed CCTV cams everywhere, even in my body. “Hey! I never agreed to that! Did you install a CCTV cam in my body while I was sleeping?” “Yes, in your dick”. “Oh, and you have it hooked up to an app on your phone, and can see it anytime!” I then do a routine describing a day in the life of the dick cam, and close out the joke with looking at her askance and with exaggerated scepticism, shaking my index finger back and forth between pointing at her eyes and mine and I accuse, “Are you trying to fool me? I don’t think that you did really put a camera in my dick, did you!” That closes out the joke and we both break out laughing.
I paid attention today and I’m constantly making these little fun twists in the conversation, injecting a lively spirit. And it’s heavily laden with game theory, if you later examine it. But it all comes out on the spot, improvised in a flash.
Update: I like to go on youtube binges soaking up everything I can about and from people I admire. The last was David Spade. He is very off the cuff witty in interviews, and can when he wants be very humble and charming. At other times he can be impatient and not suffer fools gladly. But always extremely fast and sharp. The Marc Maron WTF podcasts are a good resource to discover new people to investigate.
It’s easy to notice that some ugly comedians have a history of doing very well with women. I’m sure the fame can play a big role, but it’s more than that. I’ve always found as a salesman that once I made someone laugh they were mine; they were sold on me and almost wanted to buy something from me just in appreciation of making them laugh. To celebrate and cement the camaraderie.
Don Knots was considered to be a charming ladies man, and did well with women and had beautiful wives.
My girlfriend (who in my head I call my wife) hosted a small party last night, and dragged me down to join the group her and three friends. We shared some drinks and soon were laughing with near every sentence, and one guy kept saying that I was funny. A bit difficult to do with the language barrier, but jokes can be kept simple, such as my girl saying “I’m need to go pee”, and I look at her tenderly and point to my mouth and say “pee in my mouth”. Simple jokes, if delivered in succession, can have the group laughing and laughing. Groups can get into a state where there are ripe to laugh.
I was impressed by how she handled herself being falling down drunk, and the quality of her friends. She kept calling me her husband, which always makes my dick hard. And the dick never lies. She seems so very proud of me, and we are already so coupled, it’s quite touching, and you could see that her friends respected our mate choices.
It’s interesting that I’ve never written about the role of humor in seduction or maintaining a relationship before. I’ve never even noticed that I’m constantly making little jokes. Points to the benefit of blogging and talking to others, I guess. I can’t believe that I missed something so important. Explaining what we do really is quite different than doing what we do.