During an altered state, an innummerable number of co-ordinated voices in my head were embodied as if in cells from my head to toe. We are perfect friends with each other, after all these close years of interaction. In fact we realize that there is no me vs them – awareness somehow or other is telepathic within my self – the many different awarenesses merge – sometimes by them bringing things into consciousness, sometimes by us all sharing the same consciousness.
So we played. I knew I could do just about anything that I wanted to with my mind. We partied, and they gave me music, with many instruments. Then they started chanting a life affirming “yes” “yes” “yes”. Thousands or hundreds of thousands of voices. Then I heard “no” “no” “no” join in, and the yes voices got muted. Both the yes and no were not voices in my head that I listened to from inside a room of my “self” narrative. No no no. As a lucid dreamer by know I’m perfectly familiar with my mind being my mind. I know and feel the voices as my very respected selves. And they respect me too. We’re good friends by now.
And therefore I said “that’s ok, chant no also”. And so the yes and the no chanted together. The no with perfect power to dampen down the rising and rising chorus of extactic music and yes. The yes and no were in perfect harmony, not fighting at all.
This is a real thing that happened just yesterday.
It’s rather incredible, and perfectly credible – this is an amazing world.
Later I realized I can at will stop the internal diologue and be present, just as I’d spent a great many years dedicatedly practicing, in Buddhist monasteries, in long solitary forest retreats (the most transformative one lasting 11 weeks, coming out only for food once every one or two weeks, a long treck over a mountain knee deep in snow), and on countless forgotten meditation cushions. And the chi-kung. It’s the same thing. Embodied shared awarenesses of colors, feelings, voices, music.
A few days ago in another altered state I directly experienced that visions don’t have to be in the form of movies; the awarenesses can be multiple and infinite and overlapping; as if 100 phantasms shared the same 3 dimensional space. That is how awareness works, yet we usually are stuck in narrative. The narrative is just one different fantasm. Not a self at all. It’s just a very small part of all of the phantasms that make me up.
Life is very good, and you can make great friends with yourself, and he/she/it/we are incredibly interesting and can be very funny and generous, and all get along in good harmony.
Random Xpat Rantings 
Being treated as a God.
In grade 9 and 10 I had the funny conceipt of giving myself the nickname God, and a few of the lower status guys were in the the joke and called me that publicly.
It was fun.
Later in high school I started a trend of hugging many of the hot girls in the hallways as we passed. This was not exactly sexual, I just really appreciated them, and it became a social norm in my high school for some of us to interact this way. I also used to sit at the girls table during lunch. Again, not exactly sexual – I just really like girls. There was not awareness yet of holding masculine polarity, so this did not lead to any sex. I just like girls.
But I was just a teenager; most everybody is stupid at that age. I stumbled through, and experimented and took things in new directions. I was also meditating and working out at the time. I was very serious about my lucid dream practice, and did my best to learn what I could from LSD, maybe 12 times, in high doses.
They say that during your formative neuro-plastic years that habitual pathways get myelin coated, and so become permanent super-highways. I started practing my own invented loving kindness meditations and self hypnosis at about age 12. It was very powerful. Also my masturbation was a loving kindness chi-kung meditation, in a way; it truly was profound self love, and that’s obviously the definition of positive. At age 16 I left hypnosis behind as I considered it setting the mind up into compartments, and I was more interested in unifying my mind, through meditation. At age 18 I did my first month long group meditation retreat, meditating at least 8 hours a day, with frequent lucid dreams at night.
After coming out of the monastery and a lifestyle of frequent meditation retreats, my path towards being a monk was interrupted by an unplanned pregnancy with a woman with BPD. We divorced two years later, and as that relationship was winding up I realized that my self started small jewelry and clothing vending business was required personal development. Sitting in a monastery where no music is allowed calms the mind, sure, but it’s not a well rounded education, and you lose your ability to be social with the common facility. So I sold my wares to college aged girls around the US, face to face from behind a table, for about 10 years. Some of that with my hot nympho Indonesian girlfriend, and we fucked in near all of our ample spare time, and sometimes on the job; kundalini sex, no male orgasms.
In my relationships for at least the last decade, maybe much longer, I’m used to being treated as an object of reverence. As a type of God.
I’m still learning that this can be a perfectly appropriate mutual reverence. It’s not necessarily an inappropriate power trip.
Some people have accused me before of abusing my magical yogic spiritual powers. You don’t have to believe in real chi or real spiritual powers to know that other people do experience them. Charismatics mesmerize, and that’s a fact. I’ve studied with and lived with and befriended some of the worlds most amazing charismatics. Paid good money to study with some of them. Hundred dollar an hour sessions maybe 20 years ago with a top chi-kung healer, and was a long apprentice. One of my several chi-kung teachers.
And I had my own spontaneous kundalini awakening at age 21 or so, at a time when I had zero context for that and no teachers and no friends who knew any teachers about that. It took until about age 27 to find some of those communities. In the interim I had quite the wild ride, as did my lovers.
Back to the theme of this post; being treated as a God.
My whole blog aches to share the possibility of what seems to me perfectly natural interpersonal male/female dynamics. The man is treated with devotion, reverence, and constant doting. This has been my normal, for ages.
I try to write about how it can be other men’s normal also. I get what seems like nothing but resistance and back talk about it. But this is my real lived life; it’s innarguable.
Your own standards and ambitions are up to you, but just at least know what is possible.