You don’t need intellectual connection with a girl; you might just be addicted.

XBTUSD said:

I’m curious how you balance a deeper understanding of the world, with having conversations with people who have a more surface level understanding of the world without losing respect and/or interest in talking with people. Obviously one could have bullshit surface conversations which can be fun in certain contexts, but for me really feeling a connection to someone requires going a bit deeper.

I have little to add to Redquests response, but I’m in the mood to chatter.

I also can find it difficult and unsatisfying to be thwarted by a bullshit surface conversation.

Redquest points out that there are underlying and deeper motives below peoples words and philosophies. It can be difficult to let go of the surface and deal with that, or just completely ignore the surface and change the subject to another deeper thing, such as fucking the girl.

When I moved to SEA, it took at least 5 years to adapt to not trying to hold deep conversations with women.

As TRQ says, use books, or perhaps other men, for that.

It’s a difficult transition to make, but there are surprising benefits. It can be, paradoxically, more satisfying and more deep, to limit yourself to connecting as deeply as possible, WITHOUT philosophy. WITHOUT high concept. Even at the mime level, at times. It’s a strange paradox, that I haven’t really tried to put into words, and am not sure if I could.

But I intuit that it’s a flawed mindset to assume that deep connections get deeper through intellectual connection, or that intellectual connection is required for a deep connection. I think now that’s more of an addiction than a need.

***
Many of us are sapio-sexual, and get more turned on by smart girls. I think that has to do with liking large breasts. Evolution noticed that smart girls make smarter babies which in turn are more likely to make surviving grandchildren.

On the surface, we assume that we just like to connect at a deeper level. But the genes are pulling the strings, and just find that girls brain to be similar to big firm high and bouncy titties. So when evaluating how serious we want to be with the kid*, we probe and test her mind. Fair enough. Just don’t mistake agreement or education or belief system or mind-training with good enough brain-genes.

As for emotional connection, you don’t need high concept for that. In fact, if you rely on that, I’d consider that a crutch. If you can’t get out of concept, you can’t really connect well. I think it can be good for a man’s personal and social development to be forced to connect without high concept. I think, like me, that eventually you’ll be quite surprised to learn that what remains is the meatier and more interesting and more valuable portion of what relationship and connection is all about.

Very often we use concepts as shields and distractions and weapons to fight DIFFERENT battles than we think we are fighting. Most verbal battles with women are not at all about what the words say they are about. Not about ordering the cutlery in the dishwasher. Not about philosophical nuance. A woman also has underlying emotions that often drive her words; men do too. As these are usually not available to our introspection and we most often can’t see what drives us, stripping away the concepts altogether makes things much simpler so that you CAN see the fundamentals.

After dealing with mostly fundamentals, you earn a MUCH clearer and cleaner picture of what the fundamentals of relationship are, and how to deal with them in a fun and fulfilling and healthy manner.

This is also another reason I think that all humans should spend some part of their learning teen years, when their brain is still most neuroplastic, babysitting. Dealing well with children is an essential skill for dealing well with adults. It’s surprisingly NOT important what the conversation is about. It’s more important how you have that conversation, meaning, you don’t even have to have any particular one, nearly every time.

* To a guy near my age, anyone under 25 is basically still a kid. Paradoxically I think young adulthood begins in teen years, and you have to take young people seriously, and can learn from them.

What seduction is, and how we learn it.

Some years back Neuro Linguistic Programming became a fad when people realized they could apply that form of persuasion to seduction.

Last year Dilbert creator Scott Adams popularized the power of hypnotic 3-d persuasion, and related it to Trumps bid for the presidency.

Here is a talk by an FBI negotiator who reveals many powerful techniques of persuasion:

I was a travelling salesman, and would set up my mini-store full of wares on college campuses and at music festivals throughout the U.S. mid-west. I hung out with other sales-men, and lived the life of a sales man. My target audience was mostly college aged girls.

Sometimes I travelled with a crew of helpers, sometimes I travelled with my Indonesian girlfriend. When I was with her, I’d leave her to do the sales all day while I went back to the hotel to meditate. She was a great little sales girl.

How did she learn?

How do we learn persuasion?

What did I learn from hanging out with salespeople, and how did I learn it? What did I learn from simply putting myself behind a sales table?

In pre-historic times, the art of tool making was passed down from generation to generation, and in thousands of years the shape of the tools didn’t change. Apparently archaic human brains were less creative than modern human brains, but I still believe that we have some vestigial similarities in how we fundamentally learn. We mimic.

We are evolved with mirror neurons. We pay close attention, and we absorb, and we mimic.

As modern humans, we are not constrained to mimic exactly. We filter, and adjust to our circumstances.

First you find a mentor or hero, then you copy his style, then slowly you develop your own style.

But you can’t develop your own style without practice, and that means repeated exposure to your learning environment. As a comic, your ethos is to get up on stage and just do it as often as you can. It’s not only about if you crush it or bomb. It’s also about just getting up on that stage.

Because we need that feedback. Our body and mind will figure out the micro-adjustments. MOST of our adjustments will be sub-conscious. We learn timing. We learn inflection. We learn the value of silent space. We learn how respond with tangential near-non-sequiturs instead of logical facts. We learn how language influences. How body language influences. How eye contact influences.

Learning is not done in a vacuum. It’s not done through books. We need to firstly mimic. Then we need to practice.

I don’t believe that there are enough resources currently for mimicking.

I think it’s become more apparent lately that understanding the sexual market place is not about something that you can learn in a book. It’s about something that you can be.

What you are completely changes how you are perceived and dealt with.

The above sentence is the KEY to understanding the sexual market place.

You can’t just talk about how women are, as if you are not in the equation. Women are very different, depending on each individual man, and on the context. How women will behave towards certain words is a null question. The real question is how a woman will behave towards YOU.

And you are a sexually class-mobile person. You can change from zero to hero, if you’d like to, and are willing to put in the time and effort.

And if you can follow the simple steps, of how we learn.

I really believe that we can’t learn about either the sexual marketplace or about how to improve our dating lives from un-masculine men.

It’s not about book learning. It’s about starting with an appropriate mentor to mimic.

The best teachers will understand what they do, and be able to put that into words. But even the best teachers will not know MOST of why what they do works. They’ll only be consciously aware of a very small part of it.

Even if you study from a wide array of teachers, and put their best insights into practice frequently, you will still miss out on the bulk of those teacher’s value. Most of communication is non-verbal and too difficult to try to squeeze into words. We need to see it and absorb it.
******
As well as being imprinted by mentors, we are also imprinted by the women that we date. That doesn’t mean you’ll become feminine, don’t worry. It’s more subtle than that. Once you learn to embody the masculine polarity as genuine and with fun ease, you can appreciate and incorporate quite a lot of fun quirks that the girls you are into have. Might be just a way that they say a certain word. Might be an appreciation for a certain type of adventure. Even fucked up people usually have a few fun aspects worth internalizing.
******
There is no rule book of how the sexual marketplace works, and of how women behave. Because: what you are completely changes how you are perceived and dealt with. This is why we can’t learn from un-masculine men. They only understand how women treat un-masculine men.
******
One man’s impression about how most mentors in the red-pill PUA and manosphere scenes are not appropriate role models:

******
Relevant: If you are using Rollo’s mental map of the marketplace and see him as a mentor you need to know this https://www.scribd.com/document/412763803/Statement-on-Removal-of-RT-From-21

How persuasion becomes a super-power

I’ve loaded up my Medi8er media player with enough torrents to entertain and educate me for years.  I haven’t bothered with my Indovision Satellite TV in two months, and when I do glance at it to see if there are any new shows I’d like to download, I’m surprised that I spent so many years putting up with the commercial interruptions.  And how did I ever watch TV without a pause and rewind function?

When I was a boy we had a black and white TV and would gather to watch I Dream of Genie reruns, Laugh In, Sonny and Cher, and the Osmonds.  We pulled in 4 or 5 channels on our rabbit ears.  By the time I was 12 we had a cable box wired to the color tv with instant push button channel changing between an amazing 35 channels.  The family would squeeze into the sofa and I was usually given command over the box due to my uncanny knack to switch over to a new channel during commercial breaks, and then back again seconds before the show resumed.

 

With TV we had to tune in at a certain time to catch a viewing of a weekly installment.  Now I can spend days watching nothing but one show.  Alfred Hitchcock Presents still stands up today.  Cheers and Frasier are worth a 2nd look.  Drunk History is a blast.  My documentaries folder has sub-folders such as History, Dinosaurs, Space, Travel, Science, BBC, Mind Control and Persuasion.  The singularity is here; new information and programming is being produced faster than it can be assimilated.

 

Last week I watched the show Shameless, from the moment I woke up until I couldn’t keep my eyes open any more, for days on end.  A lead character is a shameless alchoholic narcissist.  William Macy is brilliant in the role of Frank Gallagher and somehow manages to make his unredeemable asshole character likeable.

Frank is a self absorbed dissipative shit who would gleefully incarcerate his own grandson to win a power struggle with his daughter.  He had a blackout drunk episode that had him sobering up in Mexico 6 months later with no idea how he got there or what year it was.  He has no remorse or empathy.  And yet he has a sparkling talent and when he uses it becomes immersed in brilliant flow moments.  When he’s in his flow moments you can almost see him glow.

Frank is a master manipulator.   He is quick to size up anyone and figure out just what they want and just what angle to play, in order to get what he wants from them.  He is a master orator with no morals, shamelessly willing to be a chameleon to the moment.  One moment he’s collecting checks for public speaking to a crowd of gays about why he advocates cohabitation benefits for his own purported gay partnership, the next he’s collecting checks from a group that purports to cure gayness and speaking on their behalf.  All the while he’s hetero.

The Frank character is most interesting not because of the entertaining wake of wreckage that follows his ever blazing narcissism, but because of how his one skill allows him to be so adaptable.  Through the power of persuasion he is able to stumble from one moment to the next without ever having a job.  And when people around him need his help, if it’s in his best interest to do so he is supremely confident that all he has to do is show up and off the cuff he’ll be able persuade whoever needs persuading.  Because it’s true.  His speech at the principles office defending his grandsons essay supporting Hitler is hilarious.

I started this essay with the intention to laud the value of learning the art of persuasion.  My initial idea was to copy quotes from wallstreetplayboys.com .  I fear bringing in the Frank character may have sidetracked the issue, especially as he’s such a dick.  So I’ll highlight the point now that I point to his character as an example of highly developed persuasion skills.  Above a certain level of competency, skill starts to look like magic.  And it acts like magic.  Persuasion can be a super-power.

Scott (Dilbert author) Adams is a trained hypnotherapist who has been blogging about Donald Trump in his Master Persuader series.  His view is that humans are meat machines and that a few people are extraordinarily skilled at persuasion.  In his view a person can rise to the presidency through the power of persuasion alone.

A man emailed me recently, inquiring about interning out here.  I saw in his email a talent for writing.  A talent that I doubt he recognized in himself.  I’ve encouraged him to develop his potential by studying copy-writing, and starting in on a project.  I’ll help to edit his work, and we’ll also hire a professional to edit our collaboration.  It’s exciting for the both of us, and even though the initial project is one of my smaller ones, it will earn us both steady income for years to come.

Good copy-writing can be sold through freelancing to clients.  As a skill it’s similar to the saxophone, in that if you have developed it you are free to wander anywhere on the planet and people will always pay to hear your muse.

The most lucrative way to earn from copywriting is of course to use it to sell your own products on your own website.  That seems the ideal use of the talent, but I will explain why in practice this is rarely done.  It’s simply not practical.

The main roadblock to building your own business is motivation.  Very few people will have the life experience to be able to understand that.  Building your own business requires a wide jack of all trades talent set, fierce and unstoppable determination, psychotic levels of self belief, and the ability to hunker down and focus on getting a job done when there are a thousand more interesting things to do.  In theory and in our minds we can all do that; just as in theory and in our minds we are all better than average drivers.

But in practice not one in 1000 people will be self motivated enough to build his own successful business.  But that’s just the initial roadblock.  After that are the potholes, tire puncturing road stars,  meandering dirt roads and dead ends.  Entrepreneurialism by definition comes with no map.  Not only do you have to motivate yourself to make your own path, you can’t know until you get there where you are going to get to.

There is a principle called the wisdom of crowds.  If you fill a giant jar with jelly beans, the odds of anyone guessing the correct amount are stupidly slim.  But if you average all the guesses from a huge crowd the number will be shockingly accurate.

When pioneers first explored the jungles of Africa, or migrated overland to the western US, they did so in expeditionary teams.  It wasn’t just a matter of not being lonely.  It wasn’t just a matter of a community allowing for specialists such as a cook, barber-doctor, or a wheelwright.   It was also about motivation.  A group effort has the momentum of a pillow, whereas a single persons effort has the momentum of a feather.  When one person stumbles or loses his way, the crowd not only has specialists on hand to tend to the sprains and cuts, but has the resources and momentum to keep the guy safely moving along with the party.  Individuals stumble, but a team does not.

 

It’s not easy to convey decades worth of entrepreneurial experience.  I’ve started up more profitable businesses than I can easily remember, and forgotten many times more.  The singular most potent distillation of all that experience is that everything takes 10 times more time than you originally think.  Even outsourcing does not solve this problem, because managing people takes 10 times more time than you think.

Another thing that I’ve learned is that my attention is a limited resource.  I can go through stints of months of long days of focused work, but that’s not sustainable.  Those stints are invariably followed by periods of lower productivity.   And even at my best there is only so much this one man can attend to in a day.

All this is explains of why our world is dominated by corporations.  All governments I know of are run by the dominating power structure; corporations.  Real power comes in the form of corporations.

Men can’t achieve greatness alone.

A copy-writer might think that owning 100% of his own profit from his own copy is his best possible outcome, but in the real world that is not how 99% of copywriters earn their income.  And that’s not because 99% of them are stupid.  It’s because men profit more in teams, and a small share of a larger profit is larger and more secure than big share of a smaller profit.

Most businesses require a sales and marketing division.  I worked in one company where the engineers were all resentful of the commissions offered to the salesmen.  They applied their rare IQ and education to inventing the damn product, yet the salesmen were earning many times their salary!  Fairness didn’t enter into it; the salesman brought in the sale.  From an accountants point of view, the salesmen created the money.

Marketing of course involves more than copy-writing.  Not even the best time management skills will allow a single man to maximize marketing.  A marketing team will include specialists in:

•  managing banner ad and pay per click campaigns
• contacting blog and website owners to get the to write up product reviews
• researching and gathering sales leads
• cold calling prospects on the phone
• video production and editing
• managing print media ads

I have several current and new businesses for which I need more staff, and that will be the case until I die.  I will always have new startup businesses, and new ideas waiting to be turned into businesses.  Creative marketing will always be a core requirement for my businesses and lifestyle.

I’ve long had a general interest in persuasion.  At 12 I studied and practised hypnosis.  In high school my favorite activity was writing stories for creative writing assignments.  In my early twenties I took a few poetry writing classes.  I’ve been discussing and debating on forums since usenet.  I was a travelling salesman for a decade.  This blog has entries going back almost 13 years, and most posts focus on persuasion within relationships.  During all that time of developing my persuasion skills, I rarely stopped to consider the art of persuasion directly.  Kind of like a kid on the baseball field never stops to analyse the details of his throw; he just gets better through practice.

But now I’m discovering that the arts of persuasion have been scientifically studied.  Robert Cialdini’s demonstrates his findings in highly entertaining videos.  I plan to follow my advice to the new intern and study the art of advertising directly.

And the reason that I’m now finally ready to put in that effort to study instead of just learn by doing is because I will be collaborating.  I’ll be borrowing from and contributing to the momentum of the group.  I’m not just relying on my own motivation.  That point can’t be overstressed.  We work so much better in teams, that without teams most work would not even begin.

Here are some quotes from wallstreetplayboys:

Here is a list of 10 items that offer a tremendous payback:

1) Sales: We’ve beaten this one to death in a separate post but it needs to be mentioned again. Sales will be used every single day in your life so you better learn how to do it today.

3) Writing: While our entertainment writing is mediocre at best (just look at the blog!) you’re going to need solid writing skills for putting together contracts. At *minimum* everyone needs to understand the basics. In addition, you’re going to be forced to communicate with people (a lot!) assigning tasks via email etc.

Copywriting: In the case your main skill is writing and you have a solid understanding of sales… Learn to copywrite. If you become good enough… you can then charge a fee based on performance rather than an hourly rate. Even if your “dream” was playing in the NFL, you can go ancillary and sell NFL related items for a large margin. (notice you’re combining many of the 10 skills here)

I could mine their excellent blog for more pro-persuasion comments, but I think you get the idea.  Persuasion is a skill that can be developed and has value in life and business that can’t be overestimated.  Copy-writing is one form of persuasion that can offer large and lasting rewards.

I am building a tribe of men who will work together on business projects.  There will be a marketing team, and within that a copy-writing team.  We will study books privately and watch videos as a group.  After watching instructional videos we’ll compare notes on how to apply the lessons to our copy writing assignments.  We’ll write privately and in a group, and critique each others copy as private notes and orally as a group, similar to the structure of my old poetry writing classes.  Learning writing as a team is much more effective than trying to learn it alone.  And much more fun.  The quality goes up faster and farther than possible working alone.

Most TV shows you see were scripted by teams, as portrayed in the Dick Van Dyke show and 30 Rock.  Most books you read are a collaboration of a writer and an editor.

 

Since teams outperform individuals, teams out-compete individuals.  The business world is dominated by men collaborating, because together we have more and better quality output.  Not to mention that it’s more fun.

 

 

 

 

Summary:

1. Learn persuasion.  For business you can specialize in copy-writing.
2. To most effectively apply yourself, work in a team.

Whisper in her left ear.

Your commands will be more persuasive if you lean in to your right and speak into her left ear.

From wikipedia on persuasion:

One way therefore to increase persuasion would seem to be to selectively activate the right prefrontal cortex. This is easily done by monaural stimulation to the contralateral ear. The effect apparently depends on selective attention rather than merely the source of stimulation. This manipulation had the expected outcome: more persuasion for messages coming from the left.[8]

You may consider sleeping to her left as well.