This is all lifted from the tuckermax message board from this thread. All questions are by men, all answers are by women:
Originally Posted by SkiGuy
Why is it that women have seemingly so much more trouble separating a professional/business mentality and a personal/friendly mentality?
There are women I work with, and who I have played sports with, who cannot take criticism of their work (TPS report, back-hand shot, etc.) because they personalize the comments. If something is wrong with the end product and it is pointed out, it isn’t taken as a professional critique, it becomes internalized as a transgression against their character to the female. The transgression is even worse when it comes from someone who is supposed to be a “friend,” or is someone they highly respect. |
I think it’s because from a very early age, our only identity comes from our success. We are pushed so hard to be pretty, smart, and perfect. When we fall short in one area, it’s difficult to separate that blemish from the rest of our existence.
I think it’s good that we are such integrated people with high standards for ourselves. At the same time, it is an exhausting life to lead. Taking every criticism as a mortal wound isn’t easy. I don’t think this is likely to change until society’s expectations for us, and then our expectations for ourselves, change completely. Right now, women are expected to fill so many roles from tough guy sales exec to gentle housewife that there is no way to survive other than to intermingle all of those different personalities. As a result, the weaknesses of one will be present in another.
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That’s an excellent question, and something I suffer from in spades. I think there are a lot of women (if you’re not one of them, kudos to you) who have a hard time taking criticism for what it is: criticism. Just because you point out an error in judgement does not mean I look fat that day.
I think emotions and self-doubt are part of the problem, as is the desire to be viewed as good – or better – than our male counterparts. And while I understand that acting batshit crazy is achieving the opposite effect, I get upset when we think I’ve failed or performed sub-par. It’s hard to rationalize, but everytime I’m told that “you could have done this differently”, I hear “You fucked up”. I’ve gotten better at it, but there have been some Oscar-worthy breakdowns as a result, and I’m not proud of that at all.
As a general rule, we also want to be liked, and when it’s your job to play boss, sometimes it’s hard to play friend as well. So we tend to perceive critisisms as negative against US, versus negative (or even non-impacting) against our effort put forth on the job.
Originally Posted by MasterOfNone
Why can’t you accept what I tell you at face value? Why must you assume that everything I say has hidden meaning to it and layers of subtlety? Why can’t you understand that it is possible for me to sit there and not be thinking about anything?
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Personally, I have a hard time with this. In my mind, if you’re just sitting there, something has to be going on.
Maybe it’s because my mind is always going a hundred miles a minute, envisioning every possible senario, replaying what we’ve talked about. It’s hard for me to understand that you’re really thinking about nothing.
Plus, we’re always told that guys don’t like to talk about their feelings, so maybe it’s just that you need to be encouraged to tell me what’s really on your mind.
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Simply, because that’s how we are. We drop hints. We imply things rather than being straightforward. When we sit in silence, even our silence has meaning, so we, by nature, project that onto you and assume (wrongly) that you operate the same way. Obviously I can’t speak for ALL women, but I’d say this is the case more often than not.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Frisco Kid
Why would you rather ignore a problem and pretend it doesn’t exist, ala “what’s wrong” “nothing”, rather than doing the healthy thing and discussing it right away in a healthy dialog? It’s like pulling teeth to get at these things with you girls. You say how much conversation is important in a good relationship, but that’s only when YOU want to converse. Most of you are smart enough to realize that doing this only makes the problem grow out of hand. Please explain.
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Probably waiting for a better time. If you’re in front of people, you don’t want to get into a potential screaming match or cry-fest. Or, if you’re about to go somewhere and need composure, right then is not the time to talk something through that may be emotional. It’s all dependant on timing and circumstances.
Also, it could be something inconsequential that just bothers us for a few days that isn’t worth the possible arguement. Something like natural female crazy, such as, you flirted with a mutual friend and though we know it meant nothing, it’s crawling on the skin for a day or two. Why go nuts on you about being a cheater and an asshole when in 48 hours we could get over it? Girls are a big old can of crazy and need to regulate it.
Originally Posted by MasterOfNone
Why can’t you accept what I tell you at face value? Why must you assume that everything I say has hidden meaning to it and layers of subtlety? Why can’t you understand that it is possible for me to sit there and not be thinking about anything?
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Because it’s better for our self-esteem. Ex. A guy says, “You look good in white.” A girl might automatically think, “Wow, he said I look good in white… maybe he’s imagining what I look like in a wedding dress… I could so marry this guy, oh my God, we’d have like, the perfect life, et cetera…” See what I mean? Not all girls do this, but we do all try to read into facial expressions and between the lines because we’re so used to trying to pick up on this stuff from our girlfriends.
Originally Posted by DietCokehead
Why do you insist on asking us what we think of ________ and then get upset no matter what the answer is?
If you don’t want us to answer a question, why do you insist on asking it? |
Because we want to hear you say what we want you to say, not what you really think. (That was a confusing sentence…)
Why can’t you accept what I tell you at face value? Why must you assume that everything I say has hidden meaning to it and layers of subtlety? Why can’t you understand that it is possible for me to sit there and not be thinking about anything? |
Quote:
Why are you so uncomfortable with long periods of silence? |
These two go together. We have to look for hidden meaning because that is the way that WE communicate. Everything must be delved into so that we don’t miss an innuendo or shading that we would have to look back on later and say….”So, that’s when the son-of-a-bitch was probably doing this or that.”
And please…we know that when you are sitting there not saying anything that you are probably thinking of sex. We just want to make sure that we are the ones that are featured in your fantasies, not the girl that just walked by or the actress on TV.
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we like your company and want to know what you think as long as it agrees. That one lady was right. women are a bit crazy, but mainly because we desire to understand you. Once we accept that there is nothing going on in that head but food and beer, sex, and sports, with an occasional song or movie, then we will stop doing that.
We over think. Guys arent plotting… they are thinking “what a shame there is no football on..” While u are thinking this, women are thinking “I wonder if he still finds me metally stimulating?” the truth is, he probably never did.
How can you not slit your own throat when you have the following conversation with your female friends about your boyfriend? |
This is another time that we are looking for positive reinforcement from someone. We want to hear about how we are too good for the guy and how dare he treat us so awful.
Originally Posted by CaptCapital
Why do you read Cosmo?
Women’s magazines, all of them, are fucking stupid. They are writen for stupid people. They make you dumber for reading them. Why do you do it? |
Fashion, hair and makeup ideas.
We don’t read those magazines. We look at the pictures.
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As someone said, fashion. Plus, sometimes there are fun sex tips.
Plus, it’s just mindless entertainment. It’s light, and fun, like watching cartoons or something.
[3.] And since we’re talking about your friends getting guys, you girls do realize how easy it is to get a guy, right? So what’s the big deal? |
There is no big deal. We make it one. We’re women.
Dear Idiot Women,
I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that the reason this thread exists is to get real, thoughtful answers to legitimate and semi-legitimate questions about the fairer sex. Responses like “we’re women” or “that’s just what we do” are the reason men call you vapid whores, I’m calling you idiots, and the world thinks you are unfit to lead. Now snap the fuck out of it and use your heads for something other than a placeholder for my penis.
Originally Posted by Nanashi
Do you ACTUALLY feel fat or is it a general sense of insecurity, or is it something else altogether?
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I think it’s mostly just validation. We may be feeling fat that particular day (favorite jeans don’t fit right or something), pms-ing, just desperate for attention, whatever.
Most of the time, the girl doesn’t really even care what you think. She just wants to feel loved and accepted by you.
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