How meditation and chi-kung make you sexy

Ken left a great comment that makes a good standalone post.

I think getting into qigong and meditation would be vital for the 60 year old guy. He needs everything he can to build attraction and qigong and meditation really helps with the internal stuff.

Also some workshops in tantric sex is a great way to learn sensual and erotic intelligence.

Mens workshops that work with masculinity is a great way to work deeply with masculine energy.

Learning some form of martial art would help a lot.

There are good qigong resources here including stuff that works specifically on sexual energy:

https://healingtaousa.com

This exercise is great for building up sexual energy:

The standing meditation postures horse stance and San Ti she are especially good for building masculine energy.

For game/inner game I would highly recommend these two guys:

https://www.youtube.com/user/TheFearlessManTV

Sans company has some great programs:

https://www.arsamorata.com

I think their approaches jive well with Xsplats approach and I think they would be much healthier alternatives than what is often recommended to guys.

The No More Mister Nice Guy book can be very helpful. So can the Forum connected to the book:

http://www.nomoremrniceguy.com/forums/

This book is good too:

Some therapy is often very helpful in addressing psychological issues that may underpin some of the issues one has with women.

Best of luck. Never too late to start.

Once again I want to thank you for your comment. I suppose I might harp on a bit too much about the popular crowd of people looking for excuses and scapegoats for why they suffer and feel mistreated. Although 90% of absolutely everything is shit (books, movies, political movements, etc), and although most hurting men are looking for the fastest way to feel better – which is to collectively scapegoat, there really is a big movement of men who try to help each other self improve and take the serenity prayer seriously. I was looking at the red-pill reddit and was heartened to see very little whining and quite a lot of positivity and actionable content and guys posting their progress and giving tips on what to actually do to improve their lot.

So good to see. Hopefully I overestimate the negative effects of the old big three R’s. Each R once deserved to be a loud voice to a large group, but each slowly morphed and changed and either got corrupted, overstretched their abilities, stagnated, or went slightly mad. So again, so heartening to see a comment like yours which is simple sanity and goodwill with practical actionable advice.

…

Qi-gong and meditation are like lifting weights. It’s a required maintenance, and if you really get into it you get noticeably more attractive.

Actually chi-kung can be a spiritual power, in any sense that such a concept can be meaningful to you.

Lately my sex drive has been low. I’ve been living with the same lovely young girl for 10 months, and even though she is extremely easy to live with and constantly shows great interest and effort, this last week I noticed myself neglecting my manly duties in bed.

Today I put on some high powered music – the live stage show version of the War of the Worlds, and did some higher power chikung than the weak punk ass chi-kung I’ve been doing lately, then forcibly threw my girl down on the bed and licked her up before ravaging her to multiple orgasms.

It was about time. I’d gotten a bit complacent. How much power and love and mojo and sexual heat I carry in my body is a personal choice. It can be enough to maintain sex multiple times a day with the same girl, if I keep a strong practice up and the girl is compatible.

Or I can let my body and mind slide and the passion will fizzle. It’s got nothing to do with hypergamy – that’s all on me – all within my domain of control. Just like lifting weights.

In fact today is also gym day. And tomorrow I won’t be eating any food. Looking my best and having strong loving spiritually powerful sexual mojo is a choice, but it takes constant renewal and effort. It’s not just a matter of what words to say, it’s a lifestyle choice that requires constant maintenance.

Feeling chi-kung strongly requires a bit of willingly being kind of special. Personally I don’t have metaphysical beliefs that chi is a “real” thing, and consider it the kinesthetic sense, that maps onto subconscious body and emotional process as a type of synesthesia. Synesthesia is where people see colors associated with letters, or hear sounds associated with shapes, etc. Chi-kung can make conscious and under control what is usually below our threshold of perception and control, and to feel it strongly requires a kind of giving in to being something very different than a normal man. You become extra-ordinary. You can, with practice and if you want, feel great power in your sex chakra, and a huge heart of heat and love, and energy above your head, and a sea of deep rooted self below your feet. Or you can just mildly feel a ball of something between your palms and wave that around. You can go as deep and big as you like, or just mildly touch in. Obviously when you go deep you feel a great deal more during sex, and sex becomes chi-kung sex, and this effects the woman greatly. The more you feel, the more she will feel. Mirror neurons are a thing.

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Starting from nothing at 60

I hope that I’m not overstepping boundaries here, pulling a comment into a post again. But we all have our anonymity.

John said:

X, what you espouse is fine and dandy. However, I’m sure I’m not alone in this:
Almost all my life, since becoming sexually aware, every woman with whom I wanted to become romantic said to me some version of, “You’re such a great guy, you’re going to make some girl a great catch.” But never her. Whatever woman I heard that from always passed my romantic desires into the future, and on to some other fictional woman “out there.”
For forty years, as I am now 60, the same gentle yet devastating rejection. Over and over again.
Enter the internet, and Game. A day late and a dollar short. Late to the table again, I missed dinner.
At 60, I cannot make up for lost time. I am stuck with over 40 years’ worth of memories of nights sleeping in an empty bed.
So if the Three Rs don’t have the answer for younger men to the same plight that I have suffered, who does? You? If so, time’s a wasting. If a man cannot learn how to get over the first hurdle, he cannot finish the race, let alone win it.

Hi John. I understand and empathize. I used to get the same words from girls, all the time. Some even went so far as to say that they used to think that I was gay. It was bad, for many years.

Before and after I divorced, at age 24, I dated, but not as much as I needed. Before and after, older women saw me in a better light. Even my wife was 12 years older – but at 36 she was holding up perfectly fine, at first.

Things improved for me the more I dated. I did date a few young hotties, but it was easier to keep older women interested in me, and I also used to fly in an Indonesian girl to live with me off and on over three years. It was the Indo girl who taught me how to be dominant in a relationship, as she was culturally and naturally submissive, plus my employee. Since then I’ve treated every girl as my employee.

If you are 60 and want to make up for lost time, can you relocate to a country more favorable for a man of your age to date? The ex for my 21 year old Filipina, back when I was living there at age 39, was 60. And his newer replacement girl was at least as stunningly incredibly hot. Nineteen, as I recall.

If you do relocate, chances are it will take a few years of learning curve to get out of the chump zone. That’s normal.

Reading stuff on the old Roissy blog, pre 2012 might be a big help towards being dominant and playful and charming with girls. I can’t see much value on Rollos blog in terms of that, but if you can then great. Just be careful not to swallow his poisonous idea that you will stop being dominant and charming the moment you assume a provider role. That’s self defeating garbage advice used only as panacea for wounded men to feel better about not being able to turn around their social positions within their current relationships, and to prevent heartbreak in their future ones. As actual game advice it’s anti-game. Learned helplessness that keeps men down.

Roissy teaches bullshit learned helpless too – especially now, with his insane dark triad nonsense. You are what you are, and if you fake that then you are not loved, and care not. It’s difficult for most guys to tease out the wheat from the chaff.

As for Roosh, I have not read his books, but I’m not aware that he gives any dating advice at all, or that he dates. He gives seduction advice and he “busts a nut”, as he calls it. Both him and the girls he masturbates into seem completely disinterested in ever meeting again. That’s complete failure in my opinion, on so many levels. From before the beginning all the way to finishing too soon.

As for my blog, I try my best, but it’s incredibly difficult to give dating advice. Mostly I talk about my own life, which is often a bit fucked up, and of course requires my personality at the center of it. You’ll have to tease out the wheat here also. I plan to write some ground breaking and important new pieces, but frankly am a bit put off by the lack of comments here, so keep putting it off.

The key is to date date date. Blogs and advice can help, but you’ve got to date.

At your age that will be much easier in countries where the girls are poor and into dating older guys. If you put a lot of time and effort into learning charm, you will be surprised what genuine feelings young women can have for older men.

People with no experience of young women or girls from other countries have no option but to sqeeze square pegs into round holes. They’ll think that the girls are only with you for money, fake their orgasms, and won’t love you.

Ya, even the girl might think that at first. But it’s straight up biology. The poor things do fall in love, and will orgasm, and will get quite attached, if you know how to be charming as fuck, a great lay, and dominant. More than likely you’ll get marriage proposals more than you like, once you learn how to be fully social that way.

But of course the more socially skilled you are, and the higher up the value ladder you make yourself, the more options you’ll have with what types of relationships you can create and sustain. Some people put more than one girl into the same house. Some do partner swapping. Some maintain open relationships. The types of relationships people have been having are innumerable. Just never judge a book by it’s cover. It’s how your woman treats you that determines your status in her eyes. Not how keyboard jockeys put pegs into holes.

You also are a moral relativist.

Great comment Jake. I can see that it just rolled off of your fingers, even though each sentence is deeply soaked in meaning – like Tolkiens writings. It’s not quick plot twists that you can speed read and skim; you could chew on each sentence for as long as you care.

That comes from a contemplated life.

Jakes said:

The inevitability of moral decisions, for all decisions have a moral component. Perhaps that is what moral relativists are running from?

As an example, my relationship with V.

The eternal connundrum. A pretty young sincere virginal woman who wants nothing else but to marry you, and will use every possible means of seduction to get that aim, including at first forgiving other lovers – or even perhaps allowing them.

But in the end it comes down to a conflict of interest. How can we not be empathological and give in to monogamy? Or are we being psychopathic by refusing?

It’s a conflict of interest; there is no moral solution to a conflict of interest.

It’s naive, and I’d say a naivete born from inexperience, that could posit that free will absolves the moral dimension. “just tell her the truth and let her decide”

Doesn’t work. Try it. She will STILL want monogamous marriage, and STILL feel huge pain that will STILL deeply damage her mind and her future.

Exactly as you say; there is no ultimate frame of reference. That’s the inevitable phiolosopy of science. Science itself is embedded in our biology. Our personal frame of reference is inescapable, and there is no ultimate morality – no amount of empathy gets us to an omnicient point of view that is best for everyone.

There is no best for everyone.

And yet to attract women, we need empathy.

And so to love others, while at the same time being honest to our own true nature, we must cause horrible and possibly life damaging hurt.

Moral relativists might want to run from something, but we’re all dragged eventually into the inevitability of moral relativism. It’s the exact place that humans by our nature can not abide. The very place of uncertainty; agnostacism at it’s easiest and lazy-sloppiest, multi-perspectivism once in sharper big picture focus.. Either way, morals lose a single perspective the longer you look at them. This does nothing to dull the pain of causing suffering, or of compromising to suffer oneself.

What it sounds like for emotions and intellect to agree, deeply

JakeS said:

I’ve been down the post-modernist rabbit hole. Far down. Marcuse, The Frankfurt School, Post-Formal Operations, the whole fucking nine yards. It’s a pipeline full of shit that spews out into nihilism or Advaita.
At the beginning of the day, you have to get up for a reason, and that reason is inevitably strongly informed by some pretty basic biological impulses. Try practising some post-modernist shit retention, see how long you last. The body has it’s own truth. Post-modernists (along with the rest of humanity) are largely slaves of their bodies, wishing they could abstract and satisfy their appetites in the theoretical realm. Foucault was a child with dialectical diarrhoea asking “Why why why????” Chomsky is doing the far more difficult, constructive work – the ‘how’.

Exactly that.

And still though, for me, death is the final non-answer that crazy drugs lean us to stare into. Death is post modernist.

Death is not organized at all.

It was the early 1900s when Goedell used math to stare into the abyss. Any system that can use symbollic references (any language) can’t be both true and self consistent. The nature of knowledge itself is a mind fuck, and you can’t get aroud that in any way, ever.

Life is not post modernist. Exactly as you say.

Death is truth, but as you say, so what?

For me I cant come to rest at pragmatism. I need to go all the way to the edge where we have no fucking clue. Just stare there.

And then come back and be pragmatic.

Otherwise it seems disengenuous. Like faking it.

I like to keep a small toe in the water of being dead. Possibly why ketamine has been interesting to me, and shrooms and LSD. They can get you so weirded out that start to not know where you stand. That’s the main value, as I see it. Just staring down the unknown, for a bit. It’s not really worth anything, but it’s a toe in a water.

I suspect that Jake you get my point, but a wider audience that has not gone down the Buddhist or Post-Modernist deconstructive rabit hole,LSD and intellect basically lead you to the same groundlessness, afer a while. Just go as far as you can, in any direction, and you are at the ends of the earth. The linked youtube video commenter said it well. Deconstructionism has to deconstruct that basis of it’s own argument. And so even if finally you can’t avoid deconstructionism, sooner or later you just have to give up and contruct.

*************

Update. While I admire Chomskie’s well wishes, I can’t help but to always wink at his sincerity. It’s as if he believes that his good wishes are inherently good.

And we can make very good arguments that they are – I can make those arguments, and I have. My entire blog is based, very obviously, on constructionsist philosopy. Is that a word? Constructionsist?

I just need to wink. I can’t hear the good will of Chomsky without needing some deconstruction and death at the same time. He’s so soaked in justice – as if that’s an actual thing (it arguably is, and it’s arguably not – which is the point – if you are not at once of both minds or at least agnostic about this, then you don’t get it yet). It’s kind of campy, even as much as I appreciate the truth and sincerity of the camp, and will sing along with and re-play and invent my own campy songs.

Noam Chomsky vs William Buckley

Google the debate if you care;  Buckley was a popular figure head for an umbrella philosophy that was undefendable, back in his day. Bad as his job, but much better than Mike Cernovich.
Noam Chomsky’s intellect is a force of nature. Any time someone uses the term “pseudo-intellectual”, they are indirectly referencing Chomski – the litmust test of what a true intellectual is.  You don’t want to be on the wrong side of an argument with that man.  He’ll just figure out where you are correct and agree and move on to more interesting topics, leaving you trying to tread water in the middle of an ocean – you will drown eventually – he’ll just let you flail helplessly all you like, and keep showing you that you that you are in the middle of the ocean and are going to die.

It’s always been glaringly obvious to me that he is communist in ideology, because he glaringly says so often.

This is a good write up of what has been my glare about him:

https://www.quora.com/What-did-Michel-Foucault-and-Noam-Chomsky-disagree-about.  Quoted below:

---

 

Near the end of the century, Chomsky reflected on his debates with Foucault that took place thirty years earlier:

“We [Chomsky and Foucault] were in apparent disagreement, because where I was speaking of justice, he was speaking of power. At least, that is how the difference between our points of view appeared to me.” – Noam Chomsky, On Language, 1998

This, for me, is the key to their fundamental differences. Chomsky is a modernist. Foucault was a postmodernist. The modernist believes ‘justice’ and ‘truth’ have meaning and value independent of power. Human reason, used properly, can lead us toward a more just society. The postmodernist, on the other hand, believes that the meanings of the words ‘truth’ and ‘justice’ are socially constructed largely by those with power to hold and exercise such power.

How We Got Here

Imagine a beautiful Saturday morning in the seaside city of Lisbon, Portugal, on November 1st, 1755. It is All Saints Day, and people are worshiping at the many Churches and preparing for festivities. But late in the morning, about 10:00 o’clock, an earthquake estimated to be between 8.5 and 9.0 on the Moment Magnitude Scale, rattles most of the stone buildings, including the Cathedrals, into rubble. And then, amid the fires and the dead, and the chaos and treatment of the wounded, a tsunami rushes in causing even more devastation and suffering.

The time was ripe for Europe’s intellectuals to demand that we stop putting our faith in some fickle Deity and start putting our faith in man and human reason. It was time for ‘The Enlightenment’ and the ‘Age of Reason’. America, in fact, was born of the Enlightenment.

Fast forward 200 years, to the 1960s. I wonder if those 18th century intellectuals could have even imagined the technological progress we would make in just ten generations; for example, the elimination of polio, and of satellite weather forecasting. But even in the midst of such prosperity, there were serious doubts about our alleged progress. The Holocaust tormented the West’s consciousness, as did the Vietnam War. Even more agonizing was the growing realization of the failure of Marxist Communism. Communism was the star-child of the ‘enlightenment project’ believed to be the way to a more just, egalitarian world.

The answer was not to return to a faith in God, but at the same time to deny a faith in Man. Foucault spoke of the ‘death of man’ in the same way Nietzsche spoke of the ‘death of God’. And so we have the conflict between Noam Chomsky, who still believed in human reason and the value of the pursuit of justice, with Michel Foucault, who believed that truth and justice are ultimately manifestations of power and should not be glorified as though they had meaning outside of the power structures from which their meanings arose.

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They disagree about the nature of justice. Foucault is interested in asking “Why?”, and Chomsky is interested in asking, “And then what happens?” These two divergent approaches lead to different ideas about justice. Tom Gi also has a good point here, which is that Foucault is a postmodernist and Chomsky is a modernist. Foucault keeps attacking Chomsky by repeatedly asking for a transcendental moral foundation, which he knows Chomsky doesn’t want to provide. Chomsky keeps attacking Foucault by asking, “If you have no sense of what should be done, what the hell do you plan on doing?”

I incidentally have a YouTube video examining their debate. Just sayin’…

—————————————

Listening to the first linked video, and the ones Youtube auto-plays next, there is humor in how the various arguments are so blantant and in your face abvious, and are positions I’ve many times adopted.

The first video especially. Post modernism versus morality. And then later videos of Chomsky directly addressing the issue.

I’ve taken both sides very explicitly, and here on this blog.

It’s blatant and unavoidable – unless you want to believe in an afterlife or otherwise need to sugar coat and avoid and dissimulate away from any painful thought.

It doesn’t matter at all. That’s the smallest tiniest part of yourself. Just a background huge big voice.

“”It doesn’t matter at all. That’s the smallest tiniest part of yourself. Just a background huge big voice.”

Off the fingers and usually forgotten on the piano.  I like that little musical phrase though.

Social conservatism as a mask to hide fear of change, and as badge of belonging to the pity party of the burned.

I suspect that many people use social conservatism as a mask to hide their paralysing fear of change.

They use it as an excuse to avoid heartbreak, suffering, and joy.

“Heaven, is a place, where nothing, ever happens” David Byrne

People use real truths about differences in how men and women generally behave, to avoid any change.

And worse than that, gather into communities of the burned, compare experiences of being burned, and conclude that only burns happen. Life from the perspective of a person who has simply not yet learned the basic skills of managing deep passionate loving joyful long term relationships, is no place to talk about how women are. It’s so incredibly one sided. “Alpha fucks and beta bucks!” “All women are like that!” How the fuck would YOU know! From your few experiences of being ignored or burned? Grow some skills and see women from the OTHER side. And there IS another side!

“No use having any sort of pair bonded relationship, because I can’t know if the woman will stay locked down and good to me and faithful FOR THE REST OF MY FUCKING LIFE.”

Get out there and get your hearts broken, you fucking dweebs. Do it over and over, and learn how to heal and make yourself a stronger, better person. Be a fucking man. Slowly, over the years, learn how to maintain strong interpersonal boundaries, learn how to be charming and charismatic. YOU CAN DO IT IF YOU TRY.

You can’t do it if you don’t.

I used to be a tormented Buddhist, working so incredibly very hard for heaven – that Nirvana where nothing ever happens.

What an incredible bag of fools gold I was sold! Pure shit. Heaven, is a place, where nothing, ever happens.

Life is a place where we navigate risk and reward, win and lose, feel up and down, and do shit.

Your ideas about women are directly correlated to your social standing

It’s been said that Men Going Their Own Way and the anti-intimacy contingent of pick up artists who are obsessed with an in-group brand of red-pill philosophy are, by and large, bitter social outcasts whose deep underlying frustration stems entirely from their lack of fuckability.

I think that this is true.

I think that you can see this in the writings at the very top of the manosphere pyramid, all the way down.  There are very few genuine first person positive experience and self improvement oriented dating and lifestyle blogs for men out there.  I’ve mentioned a few in the past.  Revolutionarylifestyledesign is a great example of what a positive men’s movement can look like.

Yesterday I was contemplating writing a very negative blog post, entitled “How to spot a loser”, and to point out as many loser qualities that I could think of, with ideas of how to self-improve ones way out of them.  Many of the loser qualities I could see in my current psychology, and more of them in my past, and many of them I could see that I’ve already done quite a bit of work on and don’t drag me down quite so much.

Still of course the very fact that losers piss me off might be bit loserish.  But is it really?  Here is a quote from this article on ROK about MGTOW from 2014

The blunt truth is this: men absolutely hate seeing weakness in other men. This is not some conspiracy to “shame” men into doing something they’re not supposed to like, it’s a fact of human nature. We men have an innate awareness of how infectious weakness can be, and guess what? The MGTOW community reeks of it.

And I should quote the main point of his article and his reason for disgust towards losers;

Everything for them is a “shame” tactic. Want to be in a happy relationship with a woman? Pussy worshiper. Offering information on self-improvement? Scam to sell products. Free tips on how to live the life you want? More shaming tactics.

People who make these sort of criticisms leave no room for a possibility of a healthy relationship or life. According to the more bitter adherents of MGTOW, even if a man is in an intimate relationship with a decent woman on his terms, he is still a slave to pussy who has relinquished his freedom (but somehow dedicating time, money, and effort to gain validation from video games isn’t). This is the sort of attitude you would expect from a hater who is jealous of another man’s success, which is why many men feel repellent to MGTOW as a whole.

I’ve known and dated people with personality disorders.  Dangerous people.  People who can really fuck you over.  Sometimes you can just be in the wrong place at the wrong time and get fucked over by dangerous people.  The most dangerous trait of all, is the trait of persecution.  It’s always driven by an inner rage that can’t see it’s own source.

J. Edgar Hoover was an active homosexual who spent a good deal of his lifes efforts persecuting gays.  He caused untold damage to countless lives.

I once dated a girl with Borderline Personality Disorder who would invariably go through horrible mood swings in which she would dreadfully abuse and alienate all around her.  It was difficult to get out of her life, and I had to sacrifice a good deal of my business inventory to do so.  She then proceeded to stalk me for about a year, and contacted every girl in every chat and dating site in the new city that I moved to and slandered me.  All the while of course still wanting me back.

Hoover and the BPD girl are extreme examples of projection of negative qualities (or more accurately unincorporated shadow aspects of oneself) out onto an other and a complete inability at introspection.

“OTHER people are really bad, so bad that we could even righteously persecute them, and as a group take righteous pleasure in it.  And WE are being persecuted by OTHER people.”  Clear back assward insanity that is actively impossible to see by people who project.  Literally impossible – many in the mental health field will admit this openly – the worst BPD traits – especially projection – are completely resistant to any and all therapy.  It’s an active wiring, that you can’t talk a person out of.  It’s them damn Jews!  It’s them damn Gays!  It’s them damn Women!  It’s them damn Liberals!  It’s not me!!  It’s them.  Them people are decadent!

I think that the manosphere is horribly infected with this, and is for the most part rotten to the core.

The point of the post that I had in mind; all the ways we have social standing or lack of it; was futile to make, because those who are most lacking in social standing are the least able to admit it.  They will dissumulate like mad.  Literally like mad.  Like literally insane people.

Your social standing directly affects how women treat you.

Your social standing and social facility directly affects how your own woman will treat you.

Women can be kind, generous, honest, loving, extraordinarily sexual, faithful, doting love slaves willing to give their mind body and soul over to you.

Or they can treat you like nothing but an ugly ATM machine and act despicably in all possible ways.

There are social classes of women, just as there are social classes of men.  And women are very pliable, and in certain contexts can act at their very best.  Just like men.

If you are currently not in good physical shape, you are not in any position to comment on the socio-sexual marketplace.  If you are not currently as physically attractive as you can be you do not understand women.

That is because if you are not currently actively working at self improvement and being at near maximum personal attractiveness, you can not see the better sides of women.  It will be invisible to you.

And you are not in a position to comment about what you have no experience about.  Keyboard jockying is not passing on third hand knowledge.  It’s the blind leading the blind astray.

There are incredible, positive, life affirming, joyous opportunities with women.  Long term, short term – absolutely everything that you could imagine is possible.

Most of the red pill is defeatest, anti-intimacy garbage, spewed by losers at life looking for companions to complain with, or manipulating the frustrations of others into the personal gains of attention, status, and money.  Frustration porn earns ROK big $$.

And that’s not only tragic, it can be deadly dangerous.  There are some very fucked up personalities capable of real harm and damage in this world.  Genuine psychopaths.  Many in this very community.

And there are very positive people.

I know that I have a bad habit of spending too much mental energy on negative people.  I have an ex that has a deep personality disorder of being horribly passive aggressive, who is a huge mind fuck, and over the years I’ve allowed her to be very close to me; I even loved her at times, and would even say so.  Thankfully she got fat, which is way over the edge into total loserdome; totally unforgiveable for a woman.  Much worse than even the mental torture.  She was young and hot and attentive and usually loving and in many ways very positive for me, but it was completely impossible to reign in her passive aggression to a managable level; she just would not and could not shut up or stop being incredibly annoying at what often seemed every possible opportunity.  And it’s my fault for 1) not just ditching her and upgrading sooner 2) keeping going back to her over and over and 3) keep thinking about how incredibly annoying she is, when apart from her.

So, I don’t want to do that with other losers who deliberately choose to not upgrade and enjoy more out of their own lives.  I don’t want to focus on the people who prefer to complain about other people instead of upgrading themselves and therefore their own social circle opportunities.

I still have a long way to go until I deserve to be invited to the parties of the people I admire most.  I’m not quite respectable, yet.  But I’ve seen and been around good society before.  My last main GF, V, was very kind and respectable.  The current live in is in all ways at her very best.  My fathers side of the family is large and successful in all measures, especially in their marriages and family and social lives.  People associate based on perceived social fit; you can’t even know what society is, if you are a loser.  All you will see is other losers, and the girls who date losers.  Successful people don’t like to hang out with losers.

We’ve all read the same opinion again and again and again.  Many top mainstream manosphere blogs are toxic to the spirit.  They will bring you down.  No matter what truths they hold, after time they can become an obsession that leads to a very pessimistic, negative outlook.

I will go further and claim that this is partly deliberate, and is a crab basket mentality.  Losers who don’t want others to succeed claim that success is actually impossible, because it’s society and the nature of women  that is sick.

No, society is not too sick for you succeed with women.  Women are not hypergamous hypergamous hypergamous alpha fucks beta bucks feminism divorce rape false rape allegations blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.  Jeesus.  They can be everything you’ve ever hoped for, and much more.

Succeeding in every possible way you can imagine is totally possible.  It’s all up to you.

We live in a world of easy quick pleasures and very difficult attainment of satisfaction.  This is two sides of the same coin, because it’s the easy pleasures that directly cause dissatisfaction.

• Video games
• Social media
• Porn and masturbation
• Poor diet and excercise
• Lack of meditative disciplines
• Lack of musical disciplines
• Lack of group face to face socializing
• Pump and dump sexual lifestyle and lack of pair bonding
• Easy access to addictive drugs and alcohol

Our technology makes becoming a loser the easy way out, and the standard mode of being.

That’s actually good news because all you have to do is to become in the top 10% of attractiveness in enough areas to be attractive to women.  That is the start of being in the position to become a dominant leader who women respect and treat well.  Because loserdome is so common, you can easily enough rise to become the cream.

***

Don’t forget to comment

Room on the ground floor for the right people – maybe

I’m starting a new business that will produce enough money to go around.

I’ve had good and bad experiences with interns and potential partners who came to Indonesia to collaborate with me.  The worst experiences have me quite wary to bring people in again.  But the best experiences made it so that I’m not a misanthrope yet.  Good chemistry and timely opportunities can make for explosive life improvement win win situations.

My current plan is to build a prototype new product, and use the income from that to hire Indonesian staff.  I’ve learned from previous mistakes and will not try to run businesses that the local talent pool is not skilled at.  My new direction can be handled very well in this country, which has a high reputation in the field.  So local staff can be paid relatively low salaries and quickly expland the product range, and continuously update products.

So I don’t really need interns and Westerners like I did before, when I tried to get several high tech endeavors going.

We got REALLY really really close with those businesses, but tech savy staffing was simply too difficult in this country, making progress too slow and expensive.

But the new business will be in a basically bottomless marketplace, and we’ll have near bottomless new product options.

I exel at creative invention.  It’s my strongest point, mentally.  For whatever brain power I have, it’s tuned mostly towards creativity.  My memory is quite poor, and my math aptitude is merely above average.  I’m also bottomlessly and widely curious, so I know a little bit about a lot, and this wide range of inputs into the multi-parallel creative process means that I never have a lack of business options.

I took one and a half years off of work, despite hundreds of solid new business options, and completely neglected a few working businesses that would have only required (and still only require) a slight amount of effort to tweak into exponentially more profit.

But, as was mentioned in Pirsigs Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, sometimes people are going sideways, when it seems like there are merely not going forward.  Aimless drifting is not nescessarily without direction or purpose, even if the direction and purpose could only be pieced together in hindsight.

It took me 1.5 years just to realize I had to go into a new direction, and to discover it.

The very fundamental and most important part of any business is what you are doing.  You can make money doing so many things, and can be successful at nearly anything, if you do it well.  But one good idea is lightbulb-invention-priceless.

And in entrepreneurship, a main, rock bottom fundamental issue, is motivation.

You can live or die based on motivation.  You need a strong synergy between motivation and profit.  Personally, I have that sync up now.  I’m interested in the new business, and expect to remain so until I die – even if I die centuries from now.

It’s difficult to get to the point about what I’m offering, as I’m still tentative due to being burned in the past.  I dont really want to risk paying for someones business schooling for little return.  Interns traditionally had been expected to work at the company for several years, as compensation for the value received in training.  I don’t want to again put myself in serious jeapordy by exposing business ideas to competition.  Things can go pear shaped fast, and horribly, all on my dime.

But I could be open to someone who can fund himself to work with me, and get in on the ground floor for profit sharing.  Maybe I can give room and board, if required.

It would be required that the applicant(s) are a good fit for the business, and interpersonally, and that he is willing to relocate to Indonesia.  The location will be good, socially and environmentally and logistically, but it’s not really a nightlife town.

I’m not really expecting much from this post, and unlike in the past am not really trying to build up a crew.  I just figured I should at least throw the idea out there.  I’ll be very picky about any replies, and please do not email me out of curiosity.  I’m sure you already know if you are truly willing to relocate to Indonesia.  Don’t try to get me to sell you on the idea.  You already know.  So let’s not waste each others time.  IF that is not a barrier, we can talk.  But don’t pump me for info out of curiosity.

Any fat fuck* can look decent within two months, and be cool on an instrument within 5 years.

It’s slow going, but steady and noticeable. I really like this one day eat as I please on gym day (focusing on high protein and some veg),  and the next day water-fast body resculpting method.

It’s surprising how not difficult it is. A few times a day on fast days it’s slightly annoying. It’s the morning after a fast day and hand on heart I’m not feeling hunger right now. And that means about 24+8=32 hours since last eating, if I ate just before sleeping on gym day. I was productive right into the late evening last night, and had no problems sleeping. Again; not troubled by hunger.

I find drinking boulion helps on fast days; I guess the body needs the salt, and it’s strangely satiating; in a fasty kind of way. I hadn’t thought of it until day three of not eating at the initial shock-start to the fast, and wow did my body ever appreciate the salt!

There is a noticeable difference between how much fat I could grab, slouched over on the can yesterday morning, than how much I could grab today. The belly is within normalish range now, and it’s not going to take much longer at this rate until any hint of a protrusion is dialed to within exactly any spec of my choice.

Really easy, really efficient way to diet. I’m lovin the method, and the results.

For me I  had  results inside of decent range for both the belly and my muscles attainable within two weeks from starting shlub point.  Decent meaning nothing to be embarrassed about, and bordering on attractive.

I’d guess that pretty well most any fat fuck could get himself looking decent within two months.

So,

I guess that means no excuses then.

It’s really not hard. No, really – I’m not just saying that. It’s totally doable. And what a difference it makes!

I feel SO much more sexy in bed now, and feel so much more deserving. It’s not easy to keep an attractive girl in her prime, especially at my age, height, and facial symmetry. I’ve no choice but to maximize my body, as well as anything else I can. And that, plus the everything else part, is making a huge difference to how the girl is treating me. She’s taken up a new hobby, and is very eager, focused, and attentive at praticing it. It’s getting in the way of my work, but I don’t want to get in the way of her hobby. She’s into giving head now. I guess we all need a hobby.

I’ve got a new hobby too. I’ve got a new 7 string hollow body jazz guitar, and have it hooked up via usb to the computer for software effects, and from there it goes to the stereo amp. It sounds great, and it’s really quite amazing to me just how much faster I’m learning to play music on it than I could since about 5 years ago when I last used to dick around on a guitar. It’s because of the piano playing. The fingers have a new intelligence now. It’s almost shocking. I had no idea that the musical ability in the fingers could transfer over like that.

I’ve got a tenor sax on the way.

So that will be piano, guitar, and tenor sax. Later I’ll add few more instruments, such as chromatic mouth harp, tenor flute, and a large bass cello. But the trio of guitar, piano, and sax is fucking awesome to get and keep a girls attention.

Again; really easy. All I did was dick around on the piano, at my own pace, with no lessons, no structured learning. Never played when I didn’t want to. Never pushed myself. Year after year after year, pure improv plus learning a few songs that caught my attention led to some actual musical ability. And that makes a huge difference in overall attractiveness, which is fucking important if I like blowjobs and sex. Which I do.

Best money I ever spent was the 4 grand on a Yamaha Clavinova electric piano. When it comes to musical instruments, get value for money, but get value. Get a good one. You’ll play more because you’ll sound way better. I bought two cheap ass guitars – one electric and one acoustic – before importing my 7 string jazz from China. The $100 guitars are kids toys compared to the $500 import. It’s a very different experience between playing them, and as you can imagine I’m much more inspired to play the good instrument.

And the $700 yamaha keyboard I had before springing for the Clavinova is also like a kids toy in comparison. I suppose the difference might be between fucking a fat fugly vs fucking a hottie? Both can seem good enough in the moment, but you’re going to want to fuck that hottie more often, and overall get a hell of a lot more pleasure from her. Especially for public performances.

A good instrument feels like an entity – like a living entity. You entwine with it, talk to it it, breath with it and discover with it. It’s a being. It makes a really big deal and difference to get a good being.

* Caveat; any fat fuck who is merely fat, and not obese.

What xplat looks like, and how his game is fundamentally different than what red pill and pua says is possible

K said:

Roughly how old are you? 50’s? 60’s?
And would you be able to provide a photo of someone who looks similar to you? Like a celebrity that people have said they remind you of or something?
I’d be very interested to get a sense of exactly what you mean when you say you’re old and ugly, and very interested to get a sense of how long it would take before I too might be aged out of the sexual marketplace

Early fifties.

Colin Mochrie, from Whose Line is it Anyway

Brian Johnson from AC/DC

Steve Buscemi

I’ve already had a face-lift and surgery to remove bags under my eyes. I plan to do fat transfer from my belly to my face. I use make-up and a wig. On good days the wig looks real. I workout and am wiry strong, but never get big. I’m short at about 5’7″

I could always get new girlfriends, but the question is hot and young girlfriends. The cultural landscape has been changing in SEA, and girls are less and less interested in older men – at least the hottest girls with the most options are.

If you look at these photos, and then read how my most recent date, as usual, turned into an instant full blown love affair from day one
https://xsplat.wordpress.com/2018/01/22/forced-against-my-will-to-replace-my-primary-and-the-usual-fast-bonding/
you’ll get some glimpse into how MOST of red pill knowledge is cartoonishly over simplified and more accurately called wrong than right.

This latest turn of events is so common for me, that I’ve been repeating how it happens over and over, throughout the years, and then it just keeps happening and happening. In fact just a few days before meeting this girl I described how dates usually turn into love at first sight dates. I have some posts about love at first site game, and how to do it.

I’m the ONLY person who writes about this, and apparently even the only one who knows that it’s possible.

Look at my pics again, read my post, and re-evaluate what is the real dating market and how it really works, and what “game” really can be.

Most people have absolutely no clue and are no where even in the right ball park of a clue.

I also have posted pics of some of my girlfriends on my blog, and visitors who have come out and met some of them have described them as from very attractive to fucking hot. My newest girlfriend is a slim yet curvy, just turned 25  21, 7 point something on the attractiveness scale* , who has a rare inner beauty that moves her out of the pretty category and into the beautiful category. Every part of her, individually, is beautiful, even her little shapely feet. It’s day 7, and she can’t stop saying I love you or asking to fuck again.

* – No one would call her a six. Maybe a few men might say 8. When she’s smiling she can be an 8. I don’t give 8s out easily – a crowded beach might have one on it within strolling distance, and often doesn’t. Eights get love at first sight reactions from men, and there is extremely strong competition for them, from the rare men who even dare to consider an 8 as possibly within his league.

Why even the best pump and dump artist is considered relatively low sexual market value

My comments over at Rivsdiary, where Riv questions why Krauserpua didn’t correct the interviewer for saying that women who hold out for sex sometimes do it because they view the man as being of higher value – Riv posits this is wrong, and that the holding out is only for “providers” who all by definition are of lower value.

…

Riv, are you operating under the mental map that alpha strategy and provider strategy are distinct? Always Either/Or? Never AND?

There has never been, nor could there ever be, an alpha provider who pair bonds? And there has never been and could never be a woman who seeks out such a man, and makes him wait as her strategy?

…

Daysofgame said:

We should escalate… we should lead… we should be a sexual threat… but I think for “most sex,” we’ll fuck more if we go 2+ dates… and then sex… and then drop her into rotation.

I’m not sure that there is any rule of thumb about number of dates and the likelyhood of a girl sticking around.

I think it has more to do with vibe, and sexual connection. The type of vibe and sexual connection – does it include love and comfort – no matter how rough or S and M style it is.

It’s hard to really know what it is that works when things work, but I think girls can bond fast – on the first date, and during first date sex. And of course more sex gets better each time, and more bonding.

But the idea of alpha non-bonding R selected sex – even having that mental map at all in your head, could likely be sending a vibe that could scare girls away.

Vibe over technique.

…

I’m going to assume Riv that you viewed my question as rhetorical, but it still would be useful to clarify to get a reply.

I asked Rollo this years ago, and he replied that it was only possible in theory, but pretty well never in practice.

I consider it psychologically impossibility for the long married Rollo to both consider being an Alpha Provider an impossibility, and to consider himself to be one.  In other words, he doesn’t consider himself alpha in his relationship, and blames it on his provider status, and proclaims that therefore no other provider could be alpha either.

I talk from first hand experience a lot, and that doesn’t always go over very well, so I’m not really sure whose reference experiences I’m supposed to use in that case.

But from my experience, I can be a really lousy lover sometimes who hardly gets into sex, and can’t provoke much feeling out of my lover, and then on a different day or later the same day, after some chi-kung, or maybe smoking a little pot, or simply paying more attention, I can feel a great deal more energy and emotion and power in my own body, and arouse a hell of a lot more out of my lover.

So I know from my own body that there are gigantic differences in what sex can feel like. And what sex can be aroused out of me by sympatico lovers, and what my part in that dance is.

I honestly think that you have it completely reversed as to who the high level men are.

Your version of Alpha bad boy is the low level man; the man who can’t arouse the full sexual potential, and therefore fully love-enslave and get the full Alpha treatment out of a woman.

It’s only the romantic bad boy, the romantic libertine, who can get the best out of a woman.

The pure love em and leave em bad boy won’t be able to even begin to get the beginnings of half way decent sex out of MOST girls, who actually need to be at least somewhat in love first, before fully opening up their best sex.

…

Or look at it another way. The women who can’t pair bond, do you view them as superior, because they are so hot that they simply don’t have to?

No, you view them as fundamentally broken.

Dark triad traits are traits of people who are fucked up. Not normal. Broken people.

Those are not the highest level men, by any stretch.

People who can’t pair bond are fucked up and broken – not the highest level, and they won’t ever get 1/1000th of the treatment that a woman will give to a man who has ALL of the attractive traits going on, which absolutely include love and pair bonding.

It’s such incredible bullshit to keep repeating over and over and over that women give up their assholes for the R selected pump and dump thug, but only give tepid sex to boyfriends.

So so so incredibly WRONG.

When are people going to learn?!!

How many more years will it take?

…

In other words, much of the theory that is red pill was created by men who started out as sexual underdogs, and then took a video-game approach to getting sex – which will NEVER arouse the best sex out a woman.

Sex isn’t about technique.

It’s all vibe. And personal power – or mojo – or chi-kung.

The idea that “provider-betas” get shitty sex was created by betas that get shitty sex.

It wasn’t created by men who have their shit together and have extra-ordinarily devoted love slaves who they in turn love and care for. The guys in great relationships never bothered to get into the conversation.

Or when they did, they were shouted down by the know-it-all know nothings, who wave in their fists at blasphemers their copy of the Rollo certified sexual marketplace map, and have spent years debating the finer points of the map, and know all the rules of it, inside and out. And who have never had a good relationship, and so blame it on women for viewing providers as betas.

The map, the diorama, is more wrong than right, and so I think it is much better to simply flat out call it

WRRROOOONNNNGGGG

…

Regarding always using the strategy of opening with the bad boy and letting her tame you, again, I don’t think we find any one size fits all answers.

Sometimes the girl will quickly be very, very, very into the guy, and the sex can quickly become the best of her life, by orders of magnitude.

That makes her feel incredibly vulnerable – panicky even. It can really throw her off balance – she’ll not only obsess over the guy, but will get paranoid thoughts about if he’ll leave her, and for girls that means jealous fits.

So the rule of thumb to not appear clingy and supplicating is correct, but at a kindergarden level, the same way 2 plus 2 will always be 4, even in high school.

It’s very simple, but there is much more to math then that.

A better rule of thumb is “say I love you about 1/3 as much as she does”, and then take that attitude and stretch it out.

But she will need reassurances, the more she’s into you. And if the seduction is going well, that could be very quickly.

So again, taking the idea of that bad boys are the higher value guys to emulate is completely ass backwards.

Girls will literally go to jail for their men. Sacrifice everything. You can own a woman’s heart, mind, body, and soul.

But what will a pump and dump guy own?

Actions speak louder than red pill memes. The actions of girls to betas who have no skill in bed or in life or in domination are nothing to base a philosophy of love on.

…

Provider =/ Beta.
Alpha =/ pump and dump expert

So, when are we going to stop saying and thinking provider-beta?
When are we going to stop saying and thinking that the one night stands go to the high value men?

I had a model handsome intern out here, who was a dating coach, and considered himself very well versed and practiced in game.

Girls would approach HIM at the bar.

But he couldn’t get a girlfriend if he wanted one. He was always singing the refrain “these ho’s ain’t loyal”. Because no matter his game and looks, he could never inspire loyalty out of a girl.

And I never saw him with a single girl who was as attractive as he was.

What about shooting way out of your league and getting fidelity and devotion in all actions, and 100 times better sex? Would not the man who did that be, by the woman’s own actions, MUCH higher value?

Bad boy R selected game is pretty well a waste of time, when compared to getting the most out of women. It’s fast food – a few times a month. Instead of top level feasts 5 times a day. Guys who rely on pump and dump for sex barely get laid at all, and they have shitty sex, relative to chi-kung sex with a woman in devoted full blown love.

Forced, against my will, to replace my primary, and the usual fast bonding.

Wow, the sleeping dragon awakes! That was fast, and didn’t take much.

“Wow, you fuck me so good. I’ve never felt like that before.”, she said, touching her hand to her lower belly, with a slightly puzzled and inquisitive look, mixed with delight, wonder, and appreciation on her face.

I know, I know, maybe she says that to all the guys, right? Well, in our first session she was surprised that I was not “finishing”, and kinda wanted me to hurry up. Her last boyfriend would just pump away for 10 minutes and done.

I didn’t know her yet, and so the first time we met yesterday fucked her like a more experienced girl who was used to G-spot sex. My error.

The next day I gave her more attentive treatment, with a modest amount of foreplay, and clit and nipple attention throughout most of the fucking. And a few hours of listening to her and stroking and bonding with her before hand. That was all it took to light some fire. Then in the middle of the night she initiated the second round, being a squirmy wormy, grinding on me. Based on previous performances I mis-judged her stamina, and came before she was ready – a gigantic Daddy Loves You explosion that took every last drop of moisture out of my mojo, and she still kept grinding and grinding greedily on my still hard and rammed as deep as possible but unmoving dick.

She nearly begged for more, but I was fucking spent.

It seems that if there is going to be a stamina problem in this relationship, it might more likely be on my end rather than hers. We’ll see. I always enjoy a good sexual contest.

And I’m quickly falling in love with her, and her me. That was mate-bonding love sex. The kind where the girl starts to cry a bit – you know, that bitter sweet intense pleasure that is so soulful that it makes you cry. Slightly similar to crying during touching parts within a movie. Too bad we don’t have more refined words for the different types of crying.

Oh, and my kundalini seems to be waking up. It’s been years since that was on fire. I’m not sure how I feel about that. Maybe it’s just a one night thing. Or maybe my body is really, really into this girl.

Which for the first time ever makes me feel like it’s sex that would be detrimental to the bonds with V. Of course it’s a silly obsession to still think of her – she broke up with me and blocked contact. But V was hugely in love with me, and it still feels terrible to replace that pair bond. It was never my intention to have sex with others replace our primary bond. A nuance that she is not capable of understanding or caring about. But one that is kind of a big deal to me.

Which again reminds me of a way V is incompatible – her stubborn BPD insistance that in matters of her jealousy feelings, my feelings and intentions don’t exist or count; “I could not possibly really love her, if I also get close to other girls” is her exact stated thought. It’s still quite sad to me, and I still see her face sharply in my mind, very often.

Anyway, looks like this new girl and me will pair bond.  That thought includes sadness of moving on from the last pair bond.

Update:  Attentive long time readers may notice the hidden theme of this post.  The Easter Egg.

It is BECAUSE I’m the kind of guy who does grieve so long and hard for V that this new girl fucked me on the first date, wanted to move in on the first date, and had pair bonding tearful best in her life sex on her second date.

Well, that and that I’m quite experienced.

Once again, Alpha Fucks and Beta Bucks is so cartoonishly simplistic as to be more wrong than right.

Update: She outlasted me again this morning.  Later we snuggled in my recliner just hanging, and she recounted how useless her sexual past was.  I’ve heard this story so many times.  There are girls out there who’ve had plenty of sex who are still basically virgins.  She had been confused why all her friends said that sex was so great, when for her it was nothing.  Finally she meets a guy who knows how to fuck, and it’s a totally new dimension of reality opens up for her.  It’s not so much that I’m so great in bed, technically lately I can be rather lazy, but that most guys (and girls, frankly) can’t fuck.  It’s really a tragedy.  Can’t we teach sex ed properly in high school?

I also think that sex is quite a lot to do with very subtle emotional feedback.  We can tell when our lover gets aroused, and when we play that arousal in simpatico, and sustain it, you can create sexual music – each time different.

I have a VERY hard time getting dates.  Pretty well my whole life it’s been like this.  Almost impossible even just to get one date, with a girl I believe is a match that I deserve.  Two months of online dating just to finally get one date, even though I was willing to fly anywhere in the whole country. But once I’m alone in a room with someone, the date usually goes very well.  And after that we bond.  Girls quickly feel as if they’ve met their soul mate, or as if we’ve known each other for a long time, and been together as lovers already for a long time.  That’s just routine for me; first date, have better sex than she’s used to, bond, then I own her, and we take care of each other and become entwined in each others lives.

You can’t really capture character in a photo, and character can make beautiful faces ugly, and ugly faces beautiful. In person an unphotegenic man, or even woman, can be much more appealing. Or less.

So a lot about attraction is emotional.  Emotional openness.  Energetic fluency.  Emotional fluency.  I have a strong congruence of character of being loving and able to receive love.  It’s not a game or a magic seduction trick, it really is “just be yourself” game, only the self that I have been very careful to cultivate is a musical instrument that I know how to play.

Chi-kung, meditation, long history of many loving deep long term relationships.  My history is an open book in my character, and I’ve been as careful as I can be to keep that character positive, open, loving, sensual, and fun.  And who wouldn’t want that?  So first dates usually go quite well.

Update: Holy shit.  That was amazing.  No wonder my kundalini turned itself on, in anticipation of this chick.  On day three we had near kundalini level sex!  Holy fuck.  And I pressed and I believe her confirmation, this is all totally new to her.  Incredible how much was just lurking below the surface.

My experience is that MOST girls need to be at least a bit in love before they can open and start to give their best sex.  So for me, fast seduction and fast love go hand in hand, and I have absolutely zero interest in one night stands or prostitutes.  Good sex is simply completely different than mutual masturbation – an entirely different category – you can’t even call both things sex.

Update Jan 25: Wow. This is going better than I had even hoped. I had forgotten what it was even like to have kundalini sex, and that used to be my life, for decades. Unfortunately, I’m falling in love. I hate that! And I told her that I hate it. I told her to fall in love first, and that I’d just wait, and lover her only a little bit, until she’s crazy in love. Because I hate being in love! It’s fucking scary. I told her to hurry up and get pregnant so that she won’t run away. I told her that I don’t want her to know that I’m falling in love, because it’s a secret. I pushed her away physically and screamed “I don’t want to love you!” God damn it. It’s too vulnerable.

But I think she’s fucking georgous. From so many views. God, from behind, her vagina is like an extra add on thing – not just a space between her legs. A mound. Fucking georgeous pussy. And the waist to hip is out of this world, which is amazing because she has very small hips. So super slim waist.

I could go on and on.

And as often has been the case, it’s a shocking contrast in the mirror when we are side by side. She’s way the fuck out of my league. But also, she’s a definite type, that not all guys would be into. Skinny small. I’m thankful not all guys would see her the way I do. I think she’s fucking hot and amazing and gorgeous. I like just staring at her face. Or her lips. Or pretty well any part of her.

And we often make each other break out in belly laughs. I’ll laugh to tears with her, which is rare for me.

It’s kind of an amazing connection, pretty fast. Especially sexually; I told her that sexually it’s a good match for us both, because I’m waking her up and catching her on her upward curve, and she’s waking me up and catching me on my downward curve. I used to be a fucking sexual superstar; probably one of the top on the planet, honestly, in terms of number of hours of sex per day and extreme chi-kung kundalini energetic feeling and power. Now I’m less than 1/10th of what I used to be, but it’s still not bad, and a fair match for a girl on her way up, just starting. She’s doing great.

She has a pretty face, and that can be a bit intimidating, but she also is vulnerable and afraid, just like I am. And also fiery – hot fiery, passionate, humorous, penetrating eyes. I’ve seen her angry too. So she’s very attractive, but also vulnerable and attached, just like I am. I guess we might get married. At the least we are already a couple, and going more in that direction.

Looking at her pretty face and hot body reminded me of how many very beautiful girls I’ve dated over my life. M is a real hottie. I think N is too. I don’t even know the numbers, but there are well over 10 super stand out girls, out of about 80 that I’ve been involved with, and most of the rest I found quite attractive. And I still love some of the girls. All so different, beautiful in very different ways. Uniquely beautiful. The sex styles and connections unique to each. Our various ways we connect all unique. Some of whom I only had flings with, some who I bonded very deeply with.

She’s on the bed trying to get my attention now. I’m being called to do my manly duties.

Update: Stamina is definitely not a problem with this girl. Nor is the level of sexual intensity that she can rise to. This girl can take a LOT of voltage.

During one peak, as I was choking her, I said “say I love you!”
She answered with a stutter “I love..it.” Then 1/10th of a second later “I love, you” “I love you, I love you, I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you!”

The electricity and joy that shot through me was too much, for me, at this point in our relationship. I could only handle maybe 10 seconds of it.

“This is a good time to stop”

What joyful nourishment. That woman is making a man out of me. Finally! I’m literally a new man now.

Hot girlfriend who loves me and is properly owned. Who I have powerful kundalini S&M loving bonding sex with, where we thrill and trill to new places each time, and become more bonded each time. Fuck ya. Every where I go I’m a new person – not a single guy, but a guy who has a (hot) woman making a man out of him.

I told her that now I have a reason to put more attention into getting healthy. She can handle everything I give. Strong woman. In fact, she keeps staring at me, so happy and loving, and teasing for more.

I plan to move her into a less expensive apartment, but in the mean time will move her in with me. Starting tomorrow.

We’ve both been carrying around with us a constant bitter sweet sorrow. I’m noticing that we both are becoming more at ease with shared pure joy.

.. Ok, and just now we shared tears of joy. She thanked God she met me, and with a huge smile, let out the water works. Lots of staring each other in the face, with big smiles. Makes me shy to be looked at like that, but damn.

This is day 4.

Ya, I probably am going to marry this one. I’m quite good at getting and seducing new girls. The long and routine history is of getting girls WAY out of my league. But I’m 52. I think the timing is right. She’s got what I’ve been looking for.

Which is a bit weird, when you consider that no long ago, after a ketamine trip seemed to show me the depth of my true being, I declared that I was not a family man, and could not marry, to my then mate.

I was totally honest then.

And I’m honest now.

I’m just a different person with the different girl. Which in it’s own way is a fucking horror show, because I really really loved and still do love V. Deeply. I’d keep them both as wives and give them both babies if I could.

But I can’t. So I’ll keep the one.

… I just told her that we will probably get married. She was surprised – “shocked”, she said, but agreed. Then asked if we’d have a baby. I said maybe.

This is the 2nd time this has happened to me in this phase of my life – falling for someone hot and quickly wanting to marry them and even talk of kids. Divine madness. Probably at some time later I’ll feel constrained and panicked again, I suppose. One day at a time then. If things don’t work out, then so be it. Fuck it. You only live once. These seem like the right waters to dive head first into.

Update Jan 26: Of course I’d wait a few years before marriage, if at all. Just found out that she has a history and family history of not doing well handling jealousy. And I know my history. So apparently I’m playing with fire with this one. I’m still way into her, but a betting man would bet on trouble down the line, as I don’t expect either of us to fundamentally change our natures.

I still think of V, but not on waking up.

The Kundalini sex is changing how I hold my body. It’s slowly coming back to me, fucking with a total lack of any urge to come, and instead just getting higher and higher. I love fucking this chick, and am turning on her sex drive enough to handle the frequency and duration, and to be able to quick start and use insertion as foreplay. Starting to be able to look her in they eyes during sex. She says that she would burst out laughing at the faces that I make, but can’t because she’s too high at the time, and besides her eyes are usually rolled up in her head, as are mine. Of course it’s always difficult to maintain eye contact when your eyes keep rolling up into the back of your head.

I’m of the opinion that it’s impossible for man or woman to have great sex without falling in love and bonding. That doesn’t equal monogamy, necessarily. But it usually does equal some very strong jealousies – uncontrollable emotions.

Which I routinely discount, in women. I have my agendas, and so ignore the incredible pain and inability to stop feeling what they feel, when jealous. I know what it’s like, I just don’t want to know it, or think about it, and so hand wave it away.

I fall in love on purpose, and get girls to fall in love on purpose, and then go right ahead, knowing full well the consequences, to make them insanely jealous.

And if I do that with this one, she has a good chance of being dangerous.

V too had a good chance of being dangerous; I kinda got out in the best possible way; her saying she was leaving because I would not have a baby. If it went down another way, she very well may have turned on me.

I have no urge for other girls right now (which is heartbreaking for N, who misses me and wants my time). I’m way infatuated with this one. I think she’s the most beautiful when her face is all flush and fuck-exhausted. Absolutely gorgeous. I’m less anxious that she’ll leave me and feel less urge to knock her up to lock her down, as she’s full blown in love now, and we are already hooked on each other, and coupled. It’s going to be a fuck fest for the foreseeable future, and I’m more than happy to give her my all; she captivates me. She also wakes up at night to fuck me, the little bitch. Third world problems.

She left at 10 am, after another round of sex, and will be out all day. I just woke up at 1 pm, and am horny, but can’t jerk off, as I’m back to the lifestyle mode of not coming, and recently my habits were to jerk off and come when too horny. I remember this lifestyle now, it’s all coming back. It wasn’t so long ago that M and I used to fuck at least 5 times a day. And then after that I had the 3 or 4 girls keeping me very busy. And of course all the years in the Phillipines, and Thailand, which I never talk about anymore – that was non-stop sexual arousal. And a girl I’ve never talked about on this blog – R – a girl I had for a few years starting at age 29 – we would also fuck as much as humanly possible – leaving only time to eat, sleep, and shit. Screaming at the top of my lungs kundalini sex with her, for years. Lots of public sex too.

I’m so very tired and sick all of the time now, because of my stomach, but the old ways are coming back, and even though I’m so tired, my body says that I need to fuck my lover now. I’m really into her; can’t get enough of her.

With M I never once had boring sex, and was always so in love with her, when fucking – year after year, 5 times a day, always great. If I was mining for gold in her pussy, I always found it, and never got tired of finding it.

So now this girl and I are finding our mutual addiction.

I wonder what the neighbors think of the sounds coming out of my apartment now? She sings pretty loud, and I’m starting to scream at the top of my lungs, into the pillow, more commonly instead of just in brief bursts.

They are used to some screaming. Girls are wired to want to make loud noises when they consider themselves to be fucked by the high level alpha monkey in the troup; “Listen to me! I’VE got HIM! I have high status, because I’ve got him and he’s mine!” So V wasn’t shy or quiet here, and neither now is J – but I think I’m starting to get louder, and there is more screaming in general. Ya, and J is getting noisier than I’ve had here.

.. N has been asking why I’ve been avoiding her, and I told her that I’ve been busy with a new girlfriend. She’s heartbroken, and doesn’t want to see my face now. I told her that I’m here for her in any way that she needs.

M viewed N as a home wrecker, and hates her with a fury. V also views N as the reason that we broke up, I’m sure. I can’t keep my hands off of N, even though very often we are so very incompatible. Great chemistry with her, and I love her body, and sometimes we still really love each other. Year after year. Even at the risk of losing other girls. Quite a mess sometimes. God what a body on N. I never get enough of it, ever. Never old. Hard to imagine not seeing her. We often still have very fresh romance. I’m really into her too – year after year. I like being bonded year after year, even as other loves come and go, and she has her flings and love affairs also. I like that stability. Chaotic stability.

I’m sure N feels the same way, and would see me again. An addiction like that to each other runs deep. I suggested that she get a new boyfriend as I’ll be pretty busy with my new girl. She knows how to have an open relationship, secretly.

Update Jan 28: Last night she tearfully sobbed and sobbed, during a very long extended sexual peak “I love you! Don’t ever leave me! I love you! Don’t ever leave me! I love you!” over and over and over for timeless many long minutes. It was literally the most beautiful event I’ve ever witnessed. Later I laughed and laughed wondering what the big family of neighbors were thinking; we can almost hear each other talk through the thin walls.

She could not get enough sex yesterday. I did my best to keep up, even taking an hour off for chi-kung to re-charge, and taking stints on the bottom, but eventually her outside pussy skin wore out, despite careful generous use of lube. I also laughed quite a bit about that – something similar to her kundalini is waking up, and the girl is now sexually supercharged.

I told her that she is a beautiful person. It’s not just her face, it’s her spirit. I really like her, and can do my best chi-kung and good piano improvising around her; we are great for each others spirit. I’m very happy. I told her “I’m happy with you”, and I have not said that since Kiki, and Kiki was the only other person in my life that I’ve ever said that to. Kiki used to tell me 20 times a day that she loved me, and I very often told her that I’m happy with her. It was the happiest year of my life, with her, before she died. I’m not happy alone, but I can be very happy with the right person, and such a connection has been very rare in my life, despite usually being in love, or at least lust. So we are both feeling lucky and grateful, and content. Happy to tears.

She remarked yesterday that she has more energy, and that her face looks more beautiful. It does. We’ve both been carrying a heavy load, and are replacing it with something we forgot was possible.

She’s really shining, and has that special rare look of a woman in love. I can’t think of anything more beautiful.

Sometimes a song related to loss will run through my head and remind me of the painful aching wound in my heart for the still fresh loss of V, and if in bed playing with J that will make my dick soft. Emotions can be symphonic fugues – it’s possible to feel love and loss at the same time. Bitter sweet.

N is feeling very heartbroken lately, because I’m serious with the new girl. We aren’t being sexual anymore. She was never able to stay faithful with me either, even during times when I didn’t have other girls, or were living together, and a few times abandoned me for others and would not see me, so I owe her no fidelity favors or even the honor of never leaving her if I get a new girl; which was often my rule in my non-monogamous life. I bear her no grudges or ill will for her sexual choices. She’s asked me to marry her countless times, and I know has born a torch for me through all our ups and downs. We were mostly good to each other, sexually. I wanted to always keep her in my life, sexually. But that could really fuck things up, and I’m not only tired of the drama and heartache all around, I want to maximize my chances with this girl.

I realize that keeping this girl for the long haul is a different task than falling in love and having our honeymoon phase. It’s a common thought that younger girls will cheat on their much older husbands. As long as I remain interested, I think that I’m up to the challenge. I like to be constantly challenged with constant seduction; long term seduction is something I’m good at and have put a lot of thought and effort into.

There has been a great deal of emotional wreckage surrounding my life. V once told me that girls spirits can ruined. One girl turned to prostitution after having a serious nervous breakdown when she finally realized that she wanted me to stop seeing my second girlfriend, who at the time was M. Another seems to have sworn off men entirely, after in our relationship I wouldn’t stop seeing other girls, and didn’t want her to keep the baby. Another woman left her husband for me, and wound up single. She was 41 years old to my 30. I had counseled her to stop fucking me or she would fall deeply and uncontrollably in mutual love, but she would not listen. M had years of torment about not keeping me faithful and not marrying her, and is still not married. I could go on. V is a strong woman who I have a great deal of respect for as a person. Her female agenda for strict monogamy is annoying, but also includes wisdom, and I think she can do well in her future. It took a lot of strength and courage to leave me, and she’s been working hard to put her life in good order. I really respect her, and like her, and always did.

So many broken hearts in my life. And mine has been broken so often. I keep telling myself that collateral damage is inevitable, and everybody – absolutely everybody who dates – causes and receives heartbreak. It’s built into the system, and we didn’t create the system.

But I’m looking forward to not being the “cause” of that in the immediate foreseeable future.

Update Jan 30:

My girlfriend (who in my head I call my wife) hosted a small party last night, and dragged me down to join the group her and three friends.  We shared some drinks and soon were laughing with near every sentence, and one guy kept saying that I was funny.  A bit difficult to do with the language barrier, but jokes can be kept simple, such as my girl saying “I’m need to go pee”, and I look at her tenderly and point to my mouth and say “pee in my mouth”.  Simple jokes, if delivered in quick succession, can have the group laughing and laughing.

I was impressed by how she handled herself being falling down drunk, and the quality of her friends.  She kept calling me her husband, which always makes my dick hard.  And the dick never lies.  She seems so very proud of me, and we are already so coupled, it’s quite touching, and you could see that her friends respected our mate choices.

Last night we were out grocery shopping, and after coming home I relayed to her my experience there.  I’d carefully examined the hottest girl I could find there, wondering what it was about her that made her seem so attractive to me.  “Ok, her ass in that skirt.  My girl has the same shape and size ass.  That’s cool.  Well, she’s a little too tall for my tastes, let’s see the face.  My girl has a cuter face.  I win the contest again!”  My girl really liked this story, even if checking out other girls made her a little squirmy.  I have a long habit of whenever I go out with a hot girlfriend to check around to see if she is the hottest in the restaurant, and if so declare to her loudly “I win the contest!”  Not she wins by being the hottest.  I win, by having the hottest girlfriend.

She was screeming at the top of her lungs during sex last night, in the same tonalities that I use when I’m feeling kundalini rise.  And she’s constantly sexually aroused now, wanting to fuck.  That means to me that her kundalini type energy has awoken.  When that happened to me as a young man I was horny all the time for decades.  It’s pretty difficult to keep up with her now, in fact I’ll admit it that it’s pretty well impossible.  Hard to get my work done too.  But fuck, I love hearing her scream.  Very romantic screaming too.  I need to record it, it’s something to be proud of.

Update February 14: She told me of a dream two nights ago, in which I was hugging her and she felt that she’d met her soul mate and was very happy.  Something like that.  I had one of those mixed up metaphorical dreams this morning.  She was in the dream, in a weird way – my computer bios was happy, and it was because of her.  The metaphor being that her effect was at a core and persistent level.

We fucked on a balcony a few nights ago.  We also sometimes joke about topics of jealousy.  Big contrast to V; V can be experimental in bed, but is too prudent to want to do public sex.  And topics of jealousy are no laughing matter to her.  Lots of belly laughs with this one.  We spend all of our time together, and very easily and happily.  It’s great.  I haven’t felt much urge to see other girls, but there are still options that have a long history of keeping me interested.  But I’m pretty happy with this girl; I suppose it should be interesting that people can get close very fast, but that’s common to a lot of peoples experience.

Today she called me her best friend.  That was touching.  We are really just very happy.  Really good fit.  I also of course like being adored, and she isn’t shy to gush and give puppy dog eyes and say “I love you” a lot.  Sometimes if a girl is just a bit uglier than I think I rate, that could actually bother me.  But this one is at a level of attratciveness I’m quite comfortable with.  I do want to own her, and love it that she loves me – makes it easier to actually be in love, which can kind of hurt.  Maybe it’s the terror part of being in love that can be physically painful, even when all is going well.  So the mutual being in love, with her giving all indications of at least matching my feelings, makes it less terrifying.

Arrogant women get furious for getting exactly what they demand

Jealous girls, and guys, can have their entire brain circuitry hijacked, to the degree that they can only hold ONE thought, ONE emotion. EVERYTHING else becomes eclipsed.

I’ve heard guys say that the most important attribute for a woman is that she is a virgin before marriage, and never cheats. They’d accept pretty well any other attribute, as long as they get fidelity.

And for girls it gets crazier.

I have had girls who put up gigantic walls and barriers to their virginity, that ONLY an experienced seducer could surpass. They screen out anyone except for a romantic bad boy.

There is no virgin who is a good lover. It takes years to become a good lover. So I’ve trained up some virgins, who eventually came into their own, and discovered a sexuality that few other men on earth would have been able to give her.

And then, when jealous, they get incredibly arrogant and incredibly emotionally labile and incredibly puffed up and full of themselves, and declare;

“How DARE you look at other girls on the beach?!!”

“How DARE you still be interested in spending time with other girls, discreetly, when I’m not around?”

To be fair, a few girls did take pains to thank me, over and over, for awakening their sexuality. They understood what an incredible gift I gave them. Seriously, without me, they would have gone their whole life without properly developing their sexuality.

And yet because of instincts and FEELINGS, girls want a flying supertanker.

A beta bad boy.

ONLY a romantic bad boy in love can make a girl squirt and squirt and squirt and bring her to emotional tears during sex. A good boy can’t, never will, never did.

And you can’t put a bad boys balls in a purse. Otherwise he was never a bad boy, and never would have made you squirt. It’s simply impossible to tame a bad boy; he’ll grow so resentful at the attempt that he’ll start to get cranky and ignore you, and you’ll become bewildered at what changed. You did; you changed him. You wouldn’t let him be a man, and so he stopped acting like a man TOWARDS YOU!

Arrogant women. Will destroy a man’s life, for being a man. Because FEELINGS. “Oh, I’m jealous, therefore you are WRONG and BAD! I’m too good for the exact type of man I screened for! Now I only want the kind of man I kept rejecting, year after year, before I finally opened up my full sexual potential with the romantic bad boy.”

“And any feeling that the man has doesn’t exist and doesn’t count, because I have feelings, and I’m jealous, and that is paramount and erases absolutely everything else, and he can go to hell.”

There is a reason that romantic bad boy types say that 80% of girls who leave them eventually come back.

Because sexual chemistry is fucking important.

And you can’t get it with guys who will be polite with their eyes at the beach. You can’t get it with guys who are not an infidelity risk. You just can’t. Sexual chemistry with good boys DOES NOT EXIST.

No good boy ever opened up a womans sexual potential.

God, what I had to do to seduce the virgin M when she was 21. I swear no other man on the planet would have been able to do it. I literally had to wrestle her – it looked quite like rape. What good boy would be capable of it? And what good boy would have turned her from a lousy lay to an absolutely incredible orgasm machine? None. When she would keep coming back to me she’d say “Oh, you always make me come”, and occasionally admit that such a thing was rare with other guys, unless on a tongue. It took a full two years to open up her sexuality. And it was most fully open when she was doing pussy wars against N17; the jealousy brought out her absolute best. And now today without me she’s all closed down again.

And what good boy could have brought so much out of the virgin V?

No good boy.

She went from zero to hero. And that also took more than two years. No good boy would have ever awoken her. Ever. She’d have lived her entire life without knowing her potential.

The exact thing that women want is the exact thing they get furious for getting.

It’s not difficult to pair bond and have children and a life with an experienced man. It’s really quite simple and easy, and women do it all the time.

All you have to do is swallow your fucking pride and stop looking at his phone. Simple. Then you’ll be relatively happy. As happy as you can be. THAT is as good as it gets.  If you want passion and spark and romance in your relationship.

You can’t be passion happy with a beta good boy. You can’t. You’ll be secure, yes, but not mate-happy.

Update: I was still angry when I wrote this post.  I’m not so angry now, and feel more remorseful at what could not be than cranky.

Protected: Never listen to girls explaining cultural differences and religion.

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