I’ve been saying ahead of the curve the thing that was usually obvious long ago.

Money and other status signals make a man SEXIER. Not just a better provider.

Females were 1000 times more sensitive than males to economic status cues when rating opposite sex attractiveness, indicating that higher economic status can offset lower physical attractiveness in men much more easily than in women”

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S109051381730315X

If it were true that all signals of being a valuable provider only inspired segregated practical emotions, why do the most attractive fertile women work so hard to please men on yachts?

Why do women fuck for “fun” on “one night stands” rich men more often? Because there is no emotional barrier of k/r strategy. Capable providers are ALSO more sexy.

Emotions follow opportunity. For women, this includes sexual arousal, and orgasm.

You can be handsome at a party and have no game, but then, “it’s your game to fuckup and lose” Being handsome is not enough. Money is not enough. But they are real variables, with real moistening effects.

Your desire for fake it until you make it confidence can also make you insensitive to competing in the real world. This can be easily amplified by sharing stories with other men who are faking it and have not made it.

Statistics are your friend. Your online community can not fuck you.

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Beware every reason your in group chooses to bond

Are you projecting out onto all females who show sexual interest in you your fucked up childhood relationships?

If not, then you must be some freaky superhuman, or won the parent lottery.

I’ve had years of incel pain. Even while I was regularly working out. I was socially medium; nothing too spergy.

At that time I was advised not to complain. I was advised not to show weakness or loneliness. Game and red pill wasn’t invented or recently discovered. Look at black and white movies dating back to when they started being made. Read old books. The human condition isn’t some recent mathematical insight.

Back in the olden times, people knew what you can read about on the internet now. It’s not news.

“Are you projecting out onto all females who show sexual interest in you your fucked up childhood relationships?”

I did. We all do. But also take efforts to notice the sunny side of life, and take pains to notice happy couples. You might even know a happy couple within your extended family.

Roughly 10 percent of couples remain in love and pair bonded until they die.

Glass 90 percent empty?

Yes, it is.

But it is also a glass 10 percent full.

I’m personally happy now. I’ve been happy in this way before. The last time, my mate was not quite enough physically my style, and I was in a long habit of non-monogamy, so I blew up an otherwise good match.

The time before that that I was happy, the girl died, leaving me with 6 months of day and throughout all dreams toothake strong heartbreak.

No one wants to hear that someone else is happy. That’s horrible news. We prefer to hear how other people are humiliated, or about to be taken down a few notches, or how they deserve our help to be raised up.

We all hate to hear if anyone is actually happier.

But I am currently happier than I used to be, and I know many reasons why.

These reasons will resonate with some in groups, and irritate others.

I think that the most salient and topical social dynamic questions are not about my theories of why my 30 year younger girl aches for me every day, but more why in and out groups choose meme sides.

If you identify with people who have lost love and are uncertain about regaining a useful love, you will naturally seek solace in memes.

If you you identify with people who slowly raise their socio-sexual status and slowly year by year gain more experience and positive feedback, you can’t identify with the Rollo camp.

None of the senior Buddhists would believe me when I said I could not visualize.

Imagine an apple floating in front of you. Now see if you can rotate it around in your mind. Look at it from the top, bottom – does it have any blemishes? How clearly can you see it?

Some people see the apple perfectly, like watching a movie, while others have a very poor wavering image. Although it might be hard to believe, a small proportion of otherwise healthy people report having no visual experience at all. In other words, their minds are completely blind – no matter how hard they try they don’t seem to see the apple.

In fact, such individuals are often startled to find that people are not speaking in metaphors when they say, “I picture it in my mind’s eye.” This phenomenon of mind blindness has only recently been given a proper name – congenital aphantasia.

Year after year, people with a different life experience than me were presumptuous. “Oh, you just aren’t trying hard enough.” “Oh, you are just trying too hard.” I don’t recall even 1 out of the thousands of Buddhists I’ve met consider the fact that people may be very different.

Peoples brains are very different. Much of the differences rest on PHYSICAL brain differences, and much of those physical differences are congenital; gene based.

We don’t all see the same world. We have no idea if we see the same color red; it’s not a safe assumption.

***
Even though I can’t visualize while awake, I have had thousands of extremely lucid dreams; more lucid even than wakeful life. In twilight sleep I can play with visualization. My mind has a switch that tries to make me not see ghosts. It keeps dream reality segregated.

As a teenager I did LSD and tried to hack my brain. I wanted to see auras. After an hour of hard focus while on LSD I lit up in amazement when I did see a flame around my finger. The next day I also could, with much focus, see auras. For the next few months I meditated with diligence on this. After some success I decided that this was the road to madness. Better to let my open eyed visualization skills rest separate within lucid dreams.

A growing list of random insights

Actors and actresses in melodramas must hold their faces in ambiguous poses. Must keep the audience guessing at the next plot twist. This detracts by 80% the interest in the characters. The characters become wooden for the sake of plot tension.

Finally shaky cam has gone out of favor, however loud noises in lieu of real dramatic fear are still common easy ways for grinding writers to push out a script.

Remember that undertone musical note that used to accompanied EVERYTHING? A boat is on the ocean. Brrrrrrrrrrm. Soooo dramatic, sooo undertone. Such an assumption of emotional puppetry. Lazy writers. Eventually even the dull networks realized that even the most easily emotionally manipulated get accustomed. Next trick? Hmm. How about good writing?

Remember the few decades phase of psycho quick edits? Easier that writing.

You know how the drum goes “ba da bum” after every joke? Easier than writing.

You know how you are just staring, semi hypnotized, not really feeling anything? Ya, easier also. That’s the point of this post.

It’s not their fault for not properly entertaining. Becoming quiet can make small things sparkle, and integrate parts of you that you assumed were not even parts.

** I’ve been enjoying the T.V. series recommended to me named Genius. Power plays are timeless. But I hate to see timeless power plays between men and women perverted by P.C. or whatever is the new term for la la land women win.

** The vocal minority are often complaining from a position of envy. Strident feminists are often too ugly and fat to be raped as in their masturbation fantasies. They social signal fear, as if anyone was actually looking at their invisible blubber.

** I remember at six years old being annoyed at the Hercules cartoon. I noticed that catching a falling woman near the ground was exactly the same as hitting logs on the ground. The same brain and organ damage. It’s obvious. Hit your body against the ground at high impact, or hit your body against a super hero’s safe and caressing arms. Can you imagine the whiplash? Inches from the ground you are traveling at a certain speed. Arms don’t slow you down like an air bag. Arms are the same as pavement. Rapid deceleration. That adults watch super-hero movies with this same trope is enough to turn a man into a selective misanthrope. Movie physics.

That time Johnny Carson interviewed the 10 year old genius

There is a difference between fluid and crystallized intelligence.

When I was young I was called precocious. Many years later I learned that the term was the definition of how I.Q. was measured. Some children are a few years ahead. This isn’t transient. It’s a lifelong cognitive feature; at the higher ends of the bell curve children can have adult level cognitive skills, and after time surpass the average adult. That smart ass 6th grade student making a mockery of the obnoxious music teacher may actually be quite a bit smarter than the overbearing adult.

Johnny Carlson noticed that children don’t yet have the life experience to understand what they don’t know yet; the same problem all of us face. We don’t know what we don’t know.

He said that the smart children universally had no idea that they were not yet wise. He said that smart children had no way to understand or value what wisdom is or could be.

I was driving down the street today, revved up and impatient. Some dude on a loud bike behind me tried to muscle his way around me, so I muscled him back into place, so that I could overtake the car in front without him butting in line.

Then another bike edged into my front tire. I edged back in an emotional way, but then the bike quickly veered left and overtook the car from that side.

I saw it was a girl, and tried to catch up, but she was gone.

I had a younger intern here a few years ago who would also consistently beat me in traffic.

I’ll never recover the processing speed that I used to have. I’m still holding on to the crystallized intelligence.

This should be passed down.

I’ve accomplished and experienced mini wonderful lifetimes. I’ve been lucky enough to meet some people at a deep level. That’s always impressive. Year by year I prune what I do give, but also have more to give.

I had thought that my brain was fast degrading, but I think that intermittent fasting and Metformin have afforded me a few years of slower decline. My eyebrows have turned from greying to normal. I have more clear minded days.

Much of my life people advised me to become a psychologist. They thought I had unusual insight and was penetratingly helpful.

I’m feeling ready to explore that role.

I also think that people learn by imprinting, not just by narrative reorganization. I’m looking into setting up microphones and possibly cameras that will record upon sound and motion for the silly yet purposeful things that keep me and my girl mutually entranced. I think that this is the only way to capture and teach deep nuance.

I started learning hypnosis at age 12, and at my age of 53 hypnosis has become the poetry of conversational prose.

I’m embedded in what I’ve tried to learn. I’m steeped in being Canadian, years of being a struggling hard core Buddhist, decades of entrepreneurial business, and being girl obsessed since age 3. Those cultures and many more are developed in me and deserve to be passed down. But I won’t pass them down as rote ideas. I’m old enough to have the wisdom of grandparents and a light touch; seeing many possibilities, yet allowing the student to create his own new possibilities, in his own unique way. If I had to create a brand icon, it would be more cool-uncle figure than wise-father figure.

I have had big personal impacts on people. More than one girl has said to me “just knowing that someone like you exists made a big difference in my life”. My current girlfriend is 30 years younger than me, and I work at home and we live full time together, and she has a shrine of pictures to me and us on top of the piano and over the wall. She complains about how much she loves me. This is common and normal. I know why she does that, and hope to teach it.

I will be taking on clients. It won’t be inexpensive, however I’ll do some initial consults at an inexpensive rate.

I paid a lot of money in my life for the benefit of mentors. Thousands and thousands, when I had almost nothing.

Because there is real value.

I know that I’m more than good at being more than charming, and long term. My “wife” and my ex girlfriends know it too. I’d like to think that in today’s economy this is a valuable thing. The robots and artificial intelligences can’t impart these important skills.

I don’t know for how much longer I’ll be able to impart them, though. I’m told that after 50 or 60 most brains start to get a bit mushy. There is a time window to learn from your predecessors. You won’t get it all from the remaining books. Living traditions are living. Like yogurt.

If you’d like a quick 5 minute interview to suss out if you think I can quickly add value to your life, take a look at the contact page.

The A.I.s are getting paranoid; not the other way around.

Soft de-platforming is when you are suddently asked for your phone number in order to maintain access to your social media account.

1984 could not look far enough ahead, and right now I can’t look even two years ahead. What was that idea that people thought was futurisitc? Something about an uncontrollable point of time in the future where information could no longer be assimilated as fast as it was produced.

There are political implications to an A.I. induced singularity that Frank Herbert, the author of Dune, talked about. But because it’s a singularity, it means we can’t, by definition, know anymore about what the political repercussions will be anymore than Fritz Lang could predict the internet when he made Metropolis.

The A.I.s are CURRENTLY deplatforming people, or at minimum asking for telephone numbers in preparation for ??, based on nothing other than friends lists.

That’s political.

The policial bias of those who are programming the A.I.s has already been declared.

There will be stages where A.I.s program A.I.s. In fact it’s already completely acknowledged by every top A.I. researcher that humans can no longer understand the A.I. algorithms and the A.I. results. It’s ALREADY become black boxes inside black boxes.

Proof that you can’t be happiest without pair bonding

Why I’ve advocated the arts of gaining and replenishing the perpetual springtime of love.

There are different types of happiness. There is the dopamine ecstatic in the moment rush high type. The oxytocin warm meaningful connected contentment type. The endorphin/opioid feeling no pain body buzz pleasure type. And there is the top of the social heap serotonin type.

If being happiest means maxing out as many types as possible, then that happens when in passionate connection relationship, and as far as I know only then.

Two girls squealed in uncontrollable excitement at a climax of my gym workout

I’ve been getting deliberately over the top in my gym workouts, considering them performance art. I literally dance during butterfly wire workouts, and do very long sets of unusual movements, with increasing and substantial weights during the set.

After a set, I sometimes do a little Rocky Balboa hands above the head all pumped up triumphant dance. Or if not that, I’ll expend the remaining energy on immediatly going over to a different piece of equipment for another boasting crazy set of reps. Then immediately go to a different piece of equipment. Doing weights that previously have taken several minutes for my heartrate to settle down from. It’s a near super human show, and is very showy.

Because it’s so over the top, I’ve given myself permission to just admit it, and to just do it without embarrassment or apology.

I’m no longer trying to tone it down.

I get to do that now. I’ve earned that right. I’m at a level of fitness that is elite, and I get to show off. I’m proud of it, and really enjoy it, and get a real strong body rush about it. It’s a drug, during the workout, and makes a huge difference on how I’m perceived after the workout.

So anyway, during the butterfly dance, I was doing an impressive and skilled dance with heavier and heavier weights. I’d do a crazy long set, then increase by 10 kilos, and do a different dance. And repeat. On my last increase of 10 kilos, instead of dancing, I did a burst of very rapid straight elbowed butterfly pulls. Boom boom boom – very fast.

Two teenage girls who were watching let out a sudden squeal, then covered their faces, then turned around in bouncing embarassment. The whole gym heard their squeals, and knew what it was about.

I then just walked outside to work on the heavy boxing bag.

I’ve seen that type of reaction before, in an old RSD video, and the explanation was of “spiking” the girls something or other.

My opinion at this point, from my very limited experience, is that this is not a signal of the girls being down to fuck. It’s more of a signal to the crowd as a whole that they are nearing the age of being sexually ready. They are being bouncy and sexual publicy, as a communal display of coming of age and being ready for attention.

I may change my mind on that, but that’s the feeling so far.

**********

By the way I’m very aware of group politics. I always try to share any status increases I may be getting. The other day one guy was just starting in on his weight lifting journey but was working very hard. Harder than anyone else there. I gave him a fist bump on the way out. That means more from my very fit self than it would have from my self last year. He seemed to really appreciate it.

The girl behind the desk yesterday was new. On the way out the door, I turned around, went up to the desk, and told her that she looks pretty. She does. I have no interest in fucking her, and am not trying to fuck her. I just thought she’d appreciate the compliment – especially in front of the other girls. She took the compliment well and her smile was warm.

I’m very aware that you don’t get status merely by being strong. It’s a political thing; you have to share status to gain status.

Also people get jealous, so you can’t avoid politics. Being strong and standing out requires politics.

*******

A girl who two years ago seemed to me to inerly smirk and laugh at my unattractive presence now will hop fast to leave the gym at the same time as me, and blushes unabashedly when I give her compliments. I have no interest in fucking her, but of course play with the idea when she’s presenting her ass during floor workouts. The sexual tension and very mild flirting isn’t about fucking her, or not fucking her. It’s just about sharing love and life, even as strangers in a room. A hidden sexual tension is fun; I see it happening with a few girls now. That didn’t happen before.

*******

My decision to let go and just flat out be weird about being super strong seems timely and not inappropriate. It would have been socially fool-hardy before my current level of fitness. But showing off is different once your level is crazy way out there. It’s hard to argue with it.

*********
My and my live in girlfriend went to the beach with a similar aged friend (22) of hers. We LARPed the role play game of both of them being my girfriend, and strutted around the beach, one on each arm. Then later took pictures of each other as if we were a happy threesome. It was a hoot. My girlfriend seemed to get turned on by the idea.

We even play-invited her to be the 2nd wife, and she agreed with enthusiasm that she’d be into that.

Too bad I’m not into the girl. That direction is open, in general. I’m just strangely not looking in that direction lately. Whereas before I’d insist on having more than one girl, now I’m simply not persuing it, and don’t have much of an idea why. The drama around losing V might have something to do with it, but it’s also probably because this one suits me well enough in most areas that I’m not anxious to round out unmet needs.

*******
I’ll remind readers that I’m near mid fifties, and have an ugly face, and wear a wig over my balding scalp, and I’m short. If I were not so attentive to maximizing my personality and looks, giving a compliment to the gym clerk girl would not be appreciated. She’d see me as below her level, and feel insulted and affronted for me even trying to dance with sexual energy play.

A theme I will keep repeating is socio-sexual class mobility.

You are socially what you make yourself socially. People would be shocked at just how much class mobility is possible.

Update: You know how politicians are taught “power poses”, and how we are often reminded that alpha poses will affect our state of mind, and thereby our actions, and also how we are perceived?

Well, power poses are basically mimicking the body posture that you can’t help but have after 6 months to two years of weight training. When your lats are big, your elbows stick out. When you walk, you will be in constant “alpha” power posture, because that’s the actual shape of your body.

And since you are not consciously striking the pose, but can’t help it, because that’s just the shape of your body, it will have an affect on your state of mind, and how you perceive your social status.

I don’t believe in fake it until you make it. I believe in make it until you make it. Get real life positive feedback, and develop real life positive feedback loops.

When a good pump hypes you up into narcissist mode

I’ve been noticing a sort of alter ego, or at least a big mood change that happens early into a set at the gym.

I get pumped up. Sometimes after a set of reps I’ll barely be able to control myself from dancing up and down, Rocky style. So I actually do that. A few days ago I was so hyped up that I actually hop-skipped down the aisle towards the exit as the gym was closing.

I also get a bit competitive. I have to consciously try to reign this in. One guy handled me perfectly.

I’ll explain by remembering how I handled a few characters when I was a teenager.

Character one was a big a bit dumb bully. Eveyoneone was terrified of him, which is what he was aiming for. But everytime he tried to terrorize me I just pretented that he was just being a normal cool and chill nice guy. I acted completely unafraid and unintimidated, and respected him as a person.

So after a while the bully would only briefly test me, then laugh it off, and treat me as a peer.

Another guy was the short guy with short guy syndrome. It was a bit similar. He was full of bluster, but I saw through it and genuinely was not intimidated.

You can behave this way towards barking dogs, by the way. Or bears, from what I’ve seen on T.V. about the bear man. And I’ve heard that this is how you are supposed to deal with semi-domesticated wolves. When they snarl and get aggressive, you don’t do a dominance play on them, you just say “buh”, and look sideways, signalling that you don’t take their threat at all seriously. Yet somehow you still take them seriously. It’s a difficult juxtaposition to explain.

So anyway, this one guy at the gym had to deal with me when I was in my pumped up and competitive state. When I see very big guys near the equipment I’m using, sometimes I’ll overstep boundaries and invite them to try to do what I’m doing. I know. It’s a dick move. Call it short guy syndrome. I’m small, and want to prove myself, publicly, against the huge monster men. I’m slightly offended at their size, and want to pick a fight.

The guy handled it perfectly, with a sort of “buh”. He said sure. Was not at all psychologically intimidated by me. Laughingly moved the butterfly cable weights way down to 60 kilos, and did a simple 10 reps (against my well over 100 of variously shaped reps of a much higher weight.) Then he cheerfully waved at the equipment to let me have my turn.

That really calmed me down. I got my narcissistic supply. We were on the same level, the same footing. He wasn’t beaten down, which was even better. As he handed off the equipment to me with did an imperceptible bro-chin-nod to each other. Actually we did it with our eyes. He actually wound up putting me in my place, while at the same time humanizing me and acknowledging and accepting me. Game acknowledged – well done sir. Mini fist bump with the eyes.

This contrasts starkly with what happened yesterday. A guy with a gamma mindset berated me for using the equipment that he was just about to use. He said I should pay attention and ask people if they are finished with it. Before giving me a chance to let him use it and apologize, he briskly walked away.

Bad social move. I called out to him to get in my say, but he pretended not to hear me, so I shouted louder and louder. Hey, hey HEY! Then walked up to him, apologized in a very loud room filling voice “I’m sorry for my mistake, please forgive me!” He is Indonesian so my public apology HAD to be accepted, and has the paradoxical effect of making him look small and petty. Which he was deliberately being.

It was pretty obvious to me that he was just angry at me really because when I work out I work out many times harder than anyone else and am many times stronger. I sometimes have to breathe very loudly. It looks showy. People get bitter at show offs, especially when their girlfriend is in the room. And his girlfriend was in the room and actually is a big fan of mine.

So I tried to publicly shake his hand, and patted him on the shoulder, but he snarled at me and was very reticent to touch my hand. Later I went outside to the boxing bag for 10 minutes, then came back to him standing beside his bemused girlfriend (who was trying to calmly explain to him that his social assessment was a bit off) and privately apologized again and said that I should have been more careful and attentive to who was using the equipment. Again with the snarl. He really, REALLY didn’t want to be friends.

It wasn’t about the equipment. He just thought it was. Sort of like a child who “hates” a girl, but really has a crush on her. Explain that to the child, and he’ll think you are nuts. My Dad tried to explain that to me about a girl I “hated” when I was 7 years old. He said that one day I’d understand. I thought he was nuts.

When you are not in touch with your emotions, things like that happen.

——–

So I think we need to recognize that getting physically pumped up is a kind of drug; a very strong drug. It can make big emotional and psychosomatic changes in a guy, very fast. Not quite as much as confronting another man in a fight, but along the spectrum towards that. Not all guys have that happen to them, but if you suspect a guy is in that state, it’s not a good idea to pull a passive aggressive dick-move at him, as he will be fucking fierce and fearless. He owns the fucking gym. It’s a physical thing. Even as his left brain analytically tries to moderate his actions, his limbic system is primal, and he is the incredible hulk, trying to wear a business suit.

—
People react differently to my weird high weight high rep showboating sets. Some guys know my name and want to gain some of my assumed higher status by saying hello when they meet me. Another guy is just confused, jealous, and passive aggressive. The other day did about 60 reps of a full stack of forearm pull downs, and just as I was finishing up, he comes up with his camera phone and TELLS me to keep going so that he can record it. I stop and he TELLS me to do it again. I pantomime my heart going very fast (I don’t think he speaks English) and say no again. And he again TELLS me to do it again, so that he can record it.

The next time I came to the gym I saw him give a barely contained gamma snarl at me after I looked up from finishing a long disco-dance-and-boxing butterfly set.

Passive aggressive, and jealous, and angry, and has no idea how to think about his own emotions. Is he admiring me, when he tries to video record me? Treating me like a dancing monkey? Or trying to make me smaller than him BECAUSE I’m bigger than him. “Those stupid jocks!”

——-

The attentive long term reader may have noticed that this post is a little bit code for dissing cluster A schizoid/paranoid personality disorder.

Personality disorders are developmental delays. They look very much like the behaviors of a child, however with the added coping mechanism of a clever adult brain. So you get savant like emotional manipulation out of gas-lighting cluster B’s.

Cluster A’s are famous for projecting out their inability to know what they are truly feeling onto others and society, and this has the strange hypnotic power of building communities of betas.

These communities of Betas might look like average dogmatic Church goers. Nietzsche criticized the church going mentality with his idea of what he calls the slave morality. Heavy on the entitlement and sneering at the powerful at every safe opportunity, while also denying their own very real and very strong will to power. Of course communist power sharing IS a power grab, an OVERT display of the exact same will to power that those they would take power from already succeeded at, through more individualized (or out group power grab) means.

Watch out for these cluster A’s. Learn what is projection and the schizoid/paranoid dismissive/avoid attachment style. These people are not able to know what they feel, and behave like children, yet because they are adults they can be charismatic children. They try to suck you into their slave morality, to form a group. Don’t fall for it.

Don’t fall for it because if you do you’ll never be able to be both dominant and sensitive, and therefore never be adored and adoring.

You need to be able to fully feel that dominant energy coursing through your body. Without apology.

AND you need to be a musician and lover and ultimately sensitive.

A schizoid can never properly do either, and can never properly lead a group. His pathology is baked into his personality and echoes and reverberates into a sick and twisted echo chamber cult-community of curated followers.

Don’t leave it up to thought leaders. The younger generation is going deadly astray. Help them to be less dangerous.

"I graduated in December 2018, amidst rallies against 'fascism on campus.' (Given that, in 18 months on campus, I encountered no fascists, these rallies seem to have been very effective.)" https://t.co/ubHGLKk1tK

— Quillette (@Quillette) May 25, 2019

I believe that we have a social and moral duty to act as Grandfathers to guide the younger generation away from this mob-mentality mindlessness. It’s getting existentially dangerous for all of us.

To that end here is an excellent interview of Murray Gel-Mann introducing the history of public intellectuals and the decay of public discourse. I found the interviewer Richard Grannon through a therapist recommendation in Krausers very impressive talk.

Richard strikes me as highly charismatic and deeply well rounded. I’m working my way though his whole youtube channel.

The Rubin Report is another channel I would recommend to any one who finds themselves siding with any political camp. The stated goal of the “intellectual dark web” is to have open debates that allow for calm and reasoned rational discussions, where disagreements are allowed, and even respected.

Replace manosphere normie beta-world-view learned helplessness with charismatic wizardry for strong passion with your best friend.

They say that as you get older you lighten up, and don’t sweat the small stuff, and thereby get happier. Self reported happiness is usually much higher over the age of fifty than below it.

The same process happens with gaining the life experience of having lived with many girls.* You learn what to let go of, what not to sweat. You learn what arguments aren’t worth it. How to be kinder.

You also of course learn what shit not to take, and what shit to walk away from.  Boundaries and expectations go hand in hand with kindness.  Rights and responsibilities.  Common sense normal human business.

This very strongly imprints on and affects your mate. You’ll both wind up being kind to each other, because YOU learned how to do this first. She’ll notice. You won’t both be playing games such as “whose fault was it” and “see, you were wrong!” and “gotcha!”.

Instead you’ll tease exactly up to the fun point, and no further. You’ll compliment just enough, but not too much. You’ll learn a comedians timing for all of it. You’ll be able to have the seemingly impossible combination of being BOTH very passionate towards each other, and best friends. And that feeling of being in love will, instead of fading, seem to deepen and grow constantly. Like a full cup that somehow manages to keep feeling fuller.

This is normal.

Unusual, and rare, but normal. Just like lightning is normal. It happens everywhere, everyday. And you can make it happen anywhere you want, if you know how and put in the effort.

So please realize that self defeating hand waving memes about “all women are like that”, and ideas about rules of how women and men behave are for the normies.

Are you a normie?

No? Then stop the self defeating self talk. Women are what you make them, and that depends on who you make yourself.

And for keyboard jockeys who’ve been burned and then discovered “the red pill” and think you are now women experts, who are ready with your book knowledge about how the new car smell phase doesn’t last, I have two things to say to  you.

1. How the fuck would YOU know?
2. It’s been repeatedly studied that about 1 in 10 pair bonded couples remain happily in love indefinitely.  I’ve even heard that the same physical correlates to being in love are equally measurable in such couples.  One in ten is not a random crap-shoot gamble.  There must be real reasons why some people live like this.

* In my last post I said I’d be hard pressed to remember how many girls I have lived with in my life.  Counting in my head I got 8, then on paper I remembered 11 girls that I have lived with full time. Three of those were in the U.S., before I emigrated at age 38. The many other girls who would visit and sleep over most nights were not counted  among the 11 full time live-ins.

I’m considering recording pillow talk and setting up a patreon account.

I’ve sometimes thought it would be helpful to newbs to listen to pillow talk.

I’m starting to form the idea that a lot of newbs lean a bit autistic, and that autistic traits are growing as a cultural problem. I’m starting to think that cultural and tech reasons are making people developmentally impaired plus over reliant on their left brain narrative. Less socially aware and emotionally embodied. Less flow moments, too much analysis.

This should have been obvious to me ages ago, I suppose. Dr. Iain McGilchrist’s youtube videos about left/right brain functions made a big impression on me, and gave aha moments to large swaths of my life and social life. Including giving context to my Buddhist years.

So sometimes it occurs to me that recording the pillow talk of me and my girl might make for good social imprinting on people who don’t have such resources.

Pillow talk is the opposite of scriptable. It’s pure flow moments.

That’s what people need to learn. Whenever I hear someone use the term “spit game”, I imagine someone who has no clue about genuine male/female social interaction. Do you “spit game” during pillow talk?

A baby step of thinking that you know what to say is better than being too timid to approach and then floundering if you do. But social interaction is about flow moments. Those moments of feeling fulfilled by feeling connected. Genuine sharing and mutual inspiration and fun. Pillow talk is likely a great teaching tool.

Nash said:

When I was in college (and sharing rooms with roommates), I used to think the most “disgusting” thing you could ever hear was a guy doing his “love talk” with a girl. ”

“It still makes me nauseous to think of intentionally exposing myself to another man’s pillow talk. Sneaky Tom’s very terrible date product was an example of a lot of this…

This is interesting feedback to get.

When I was married in my early mid twenties, the pillow talk was mutually infantile. Back then I sidled up to being close by mirroring the woman’s interests and attitudes. I had no idea about masculine polarity.

Does that sound like the pillow talk that you have heard so far?

Part of me really misses Miss Thick. If I had audio of her and I in bed, I would be very tempted to listen to it… but I’m not sure it would be good for me.

I still have very vivid dreams of my last main near live-in GF. And we haven’t seen each other or shared one letter of txt messaging in almost two years. It’s probably a good thing that her facebook is set to private. Ya, ruminating over her would be too emotionally vivid and not helpful.

I see what you mean about having others listen in on such emotionally vivid personal banter would also be a shared intimacy.

I’m just thinking that our current culture is hyper fragmented and in places pathologically broken. Single parent families, too much social media, not enough unsupervised play, over emphasis on left brained activities, not enough mentors.

I think a main way that we learn social skills is by imprinting. Imprinting, plus social feedback. Mentors, plus play and play dates and trial relationships.

I don’t think that books or text or describing techniques can imprint. I think we need to see it.

I assume it’s similar for sports and music. You have to hear great music before you realize the possibility of it. Then you can emulate it, then you can riff off the emulation, then after that you can invent your own.

I’m sure it’s the same for any boy interested in soccer. Once he saw a top level player do amazing things, he realized new possibilities.

Which touches on the subject of flow moments versus spitting game.

I’m often conscious of using game principles within flow moments. Even with unconscious mastery, there is still awareness of technique. Even a tennis player who has decades of finely crafted muscle memory is still aware of micro-seconds of decision making happen. But the processing of the decision happens in a different part of the brain. Once you learn something and have that knowledge consolidated, you can drive the car and have a conversation and look in the eyes of the passenger at the same time.

I think a risk of theory heavy advice to newbs is that the end result is a constant nearly neurotic games playing assessment. I think it’s very difficult to get across emotions such as actually FEELING relaxed and loved. Emotions such as making another relaxed and feel love. Emotions such as joy. Values such as fun, ease and laughter.

That’s why I think we need to broaden our ways of teaching to include imprinting.

We can’t do that with bootcamps; that still is too separate; too analytical; too distinct from embodying the process. I mean yes, it’s ideal to get real life feedback, and ideal to watch someone in set, and to get a first hand view of his technique and vibe. That is the type of mentorship and imprinting I’m suggesting is crucial. The social imprinting people need. But to really see behind the curtain, I think we need the paper thin walls to listen in on the neighbors.

Live and let live is not compatible with justice and protection

Johnny Caustic said:

This ties back to the fact that I found the seduction community back when everyone was big on aloofness, and how that b.s. held me back for years. I didn’t have the courage to face the “no”s, and the nonsense about faking disinterest gave me an excuse to be cowardly.

“the seduction community back when everyone was big on aloofness, and how that b.s. held me back for years. ”

That used to piss me off so hard. At the time I wrote what seemed like dozens of posts against the idea. If felt as if I was the only voice, stating the obvious, as loud as I could. It felt as if no one was listening. So incredibly frustrating. Yes, exactly. I knew how damaging that idea was. I fought my best against it, swimming against the tide, getting nothing but flack at the time.

Really fucking stupid idea. Heartiste is a good writer, but his promotion of narcissism and the dark triad by definition makes him not a good person.

I did a google search for xsplat aloof and there are many cranky posts. But this is the anti Heartiste meme post that really riled me up at the time.

https://xsplat.wordpress.com/2013/08/08/why-irrational-self-confidence-will-fuck-up-your-life/

Aloofness as ultimate game is stupid and toxic enough, but the fake-it-until-you-make-it confidence-is-king meme. Man. Eye rolling is not argument, so I wrote against that as best as I could at the time also.

Swimming against the stream. Never thanked. Barely noticed, or at least not much publicly agreed with at the time. But things did change. Heartiste’s ideas are no longer mainstream – the stream is now in my direction.

The Red Quest said:

Getting angry at people online seems like a waste of emotion. Reality offers useful feedback to those who believe incorrect ideas.

Having incorrect ideas is just human nature.

But sometimes people do what seems not much different than preaching for others to use crack cocaine, and try to build up a church of crack cocaine.

In such cases, it’s also human nature to have social concern, and to try to prevent a crack cocaine epidemic.

We are evolved to have social concern. It’s an emotion people don’t talk about much, but it’s very common. It’s similar to a sense of justice. We simply don’t like to see people causing harm.

And the commentor above mentioned that the incorrect ideas had a negative impact on his life.

It’s one thing to use crack, and be open and honest about it.

It’s another thing to preach using crack.

I’m a libertine and lean towards letting everyone do their own thing. But doing your own thing is not the same as setting up a Charles Manson church.

Some influencers, such as Roosh and Heartiste, rigorously police the conversations such that alternate viewpoints can not be expressed on their platforms.

Heartiste is well known to go so far as to actually edit peoples comments, such that the comments say different things than the commentor was trying to say.

He did this to my comments several times. This could not be apparent to the other readers, and he would not allow comments on his blog that called him out on this.

I’ve heard the same thing from many other people.

So this goes beyond having opionions and speaking your mind. It becomes much closer to brainwashing people. And this can cause real harm. It’s not theoretical.

Charles Manson didn’t actually do any murders, yet wound up in jail, merely for being influential.

It’s not just a game. It’s not just all live and let live, laissez fair. It’s very real cause and very real effect.

@theredquest, you’ve mentioned before that many of the people attracted to redpill and manosphere forums are there because of social deficits.

They are, in some ways, weak and vulnerable.

They can’t know what they don’t know. They are not in a position to judge for themselves, to pick and choose the wheat from the chaffe. They simply lack the life experience to be able to do so.

A persuasive writer can be analogous to a bully picking on a retard, if he is persuasive for personal gain.

You may have heard of a once popular character called Christian Mcqueen. It’s been said by some that he is in fact parasitical. https://www.rooshvforum.com/thread-45406.html

The weak in society need ombudsmen. There are predators everywhere, and the manosphere/redpill sphere is full of them.

It can take years and years for them to be caught out. By then so much real damage is done.

Why arranged marriages have less divorces

My current relationship is very companionate. We are both very deliberate in trying to make each other happy. The last was the same in that way.

This is in contrast to other relationships, some recent, in which there was inevitable and routine drama and stress. High conflict personalities don’t merely give shit tests that you can pass; they stir up shit until you get pissed off, and won’t stop until there is either drama or abandonment. There are personality disorders that are “resistant” to treatment, meaning they are permanent developmental delays. Not all women are passive aggressive by nature, so don’t mistake a personality disorder for the nature of women and “shit testing”.

I’ve written before about the current remarkably low level of relationship conflict. My opinion is that there is a lot that goes into this, one main thing being keeping passion alive, every day. Some couples seem to be companionate and low sex drive, but that goes against my experience; in my experience high passion calms everyone down, and acts as the main glue of mutual benefit; the main reason to always be nice to each other.

But I think there is also another element. Let’s call it the “default setting”.

Some people have a default setting of being cheerful. Some don’t.

Some people have a default setting of being romantic. Some don’t.

Some people have a default setting of being sensual and touchy feely and touching, stroking, kissing, and fucking a lot . Some don’t.

But the default setting that I think helps Indian’s in arranged marriages be happier than people who marry out of love is this:

Some people have the default setting of trying to make each other happy. To make things work out. To be on the same team. To turn conflicts into patience, understanding, humor, and a mutual exercise of “feeding the baby” of romantic attachment.

I’m guessing that arranged marriages have this default setting as the assumption. Perhaps a lack of choice in the matter actually helps to relax into this default. If you can’t beat em, join em. If you can’t fight and bitch your way out of a difference in opinion, work at resolution, and assume resolution as the default setting.

***************
Random bonus spare thoughts:

Quote from Mindhunter season 1 episode 2

Losers are drawn to authority
Nobody wants to admit it but users are useful
Why they’re nosy
They tend to know what everybody else is up to
and they’re resentful, a lot of them.
They always got raw deal

That type of character fits in well with the shitposter trolls on redpill type forums, blogs, video channels, etc.

But realize that there are gamma women as well. Even physically attractive women can be social gammas, with permanent social developmental delays.

The whole point of assortative mating is to social climb. For guys this looks like trying to get the unicorn; an attractive woman who is not crazy.

It tends to be the guys who are on the lower social rungs, the gammas and guys on the autistic spectrum, who have the most need for training in how to get girls. These are also the people who tend to be the most resistant to self development.

The guys who succeed in using red-pill and pua technology to improve their sex lives eventually all come to the same conclusion. Getting better with women is MOSTLY about self improvement. Very little to do with routines or scripts. It’s about becoming both authentic and at the same time charismatic – not choosing charisma over honesty.

And then, through much dating and interaction with women, we realize that women are also all on a social scale. Not just an attractiveness scale. It becomes apparent how common sense became common; common sense distinctions of class are accurate. There are trashy loser disorganized women, and there are trashy loser disorganized socially inept men. The dating market is about assortative mating, such that you actually have to be a decent match; you can’t get a hot and kind and smart girl with scripts.

So most guys don’t bother trying, and instead become internet trolls, proclaiming that even trying at all is a losers game. Instead of growing into becoming anti-nihilists, they try to build a community of the pity-party, and adopt a stance of safety in indifference.

And so lower socio-sexual class men en mass seek answers, and wind up joining a community of those uncertain if they should bother to self improve and leverage class mobility into sex, or whether to lower their expectations and to call that “red pill knowledge”. Not being in a position to judge how women treat men they view as high value, the group assumptions are for the worst treatment that women reserve for those they don’t want to fuck.

Redpill is a very vague collection of conflicting memes. It isn’t a coherent strategy, and means 10 different things to 10 different people. Jargon word catchphrase losing more meaning every time it’s used.

A third stage of workout; a different approach to the gym

I’ve had no period in my life before where I was this consistent and disciplined with my gym and diet.

Usually I get to the point of looking and feeling strong, then routinely miss a few days or a week, and have to catch up again.

What I’m learning is that at a certain muscle building level, the game changes.

Your muscles get so strong that you are at the risk of literally tearing your own body apart. Sports injuries from weight lifting are common. Damage to knees and elbows, tendons, the spine, tears inside muscles, and even ripping muscles right off from where they attach to bone all happen.

I had a day in agony just last week, from damage to my right shoulder. Last month I had left elbow pain. This month my right elbow was making popping noises every time I moved it, and was painful. Two months ago I tweaked my back doing twists on the ab twisty machine.

So I’ve come up with a third stage of weight lifting.

Stage 1: Get big and strong. Find a routine of sets and reps, and stick to your routine. Just show up the chosen number of times per week, and finish your work.

Stage 2: Be more creative and flexible with your routine. You realize that you have strong days and weak days. Days where you have to adjust for injuries. Days where you have recovered faster or slower. Listen to your body and adjust the day to that, plus take on new types of challenges; start playing with more and less reps, and different types of movement.

Stage 3: Artistic yogic dance.

On the butterfly wires, more and more I’m leaning into a type of chi-kung dance. I might start by using the wires to stretch out my shoulders, and slowly warm up my muscles with easier but unusual pulls. I’ll challenge my balance by leaning as far forward as I can, and butterfly one arm at a time. I’ll squat and lean backwards as far as I can, and butterfly behind my back. I’ll bend my knees and lean far right, pulling and loosening the wires in co-ordinated but different angles, then shift to the left and repeat. I’ll pull one wire behind my back and one to the front, for an added an ab twist workout. Instead of just trying to grunt out 10 or 20 reps of a full stack, I’ll use a half stack for a 10 minute set. It’s starting to resemble a tai-chi routine.

I make it about awareness. Feel my body as if I were doing yoga postures. Make new postures. Experiment.

It’s starting to look rather interesting, and impressive.

And I’m doing it a weight that last year I was using for a mere 10 reps of straight armed butterflies. At a weight most guys at the gym use for bent elbowed butterflies. After I walk away from that piece of equipment, there is a long cooling off period for it, as no one wants to be compared against what I just did.

I’m getting more flexible and creative on other equipment as well. Even with dumbbells; instead of just working through 10 reps of one in each arm set of 12s, then 14s, then 16s, then 18s, then 20 kilos of curl and press above the head, I might do some sort of mindfulness body centered meditation using just the 12s. for a while. I try to be more creative in discovering how to move the weights around; move them in different directions and at different speeds, feeling my body carefully the whole time. Then just see where my body is at for further challenges of that exercise; I may or not pick up the 20s on any given day.

Even with the pull downs, instead of working to max out the weight for 10 reps, I might stretch out the shoulders, do some slowly, pull one arm down at a time (our gym has a machine with handles and weights for each arm, not just a wire on a stack), and build up to doing aerobic bursts of many reps, then back off again to a slow mindful pace. Even such a simple exercise can be turned into a stage 3 exercise.