Random Xpat Rantings

Contemplative dominance for the modern man

Is being sigma possible, or is it refusing to acknowledge the inescapable game?

Posted by xsplat on December 4, 2015

I just left this comment on Krauser’s newest post.  In it he talks about how happiness is the top priority in life, and that the best way to achieve this is through seeking medium term goals.  He also talks about not getting chained down by the responsibilities that come with being an authority over others.

Ya, being happy is the top priority. That’s always good to be aware of.

Medium term happiness might seem like a reasonable balance between taking care of your present self and your future self, but will your far future self feel short shrifted? Maybe yes, maybe no. Good memories of good times are valuable. Young people are famous for discounting the needs of their older self. The Who sang “hope I die before I get old”, and kids in my highschool at the time didn’t care if smoking killed them, because they couldn’t value their fuddy-duddy older selves.

Is a wicked hang over worth it the morning after? Depends who you ask. The night before it was worth it. The morning after it wasn’t.

Old people famously have outrageous and unforeseeable health care costs, and then their quality of life is tied in closely to their retirement income. Once you are old enough to have those costs, will it have been worth it to think about long term happiness? Again, worth it to who? No, it will not be worth it to your younger self – he cares about short and medium term happiness.

I forget who it was who first noticed that it’s impossible to opt out of the sexual marketplace. Maybe it was Roissy. Roissy noticed that although we may proclaim ourselves as grass eaters and proclaim ourselves as Free with a capital F of all the burdens of external female validation, and Free of having to chase after pussy, and therefore Free to have Free time to do other things, that there was and could never be escape from the sexual marketplace. No escape from the socio sexual hierarchy. No escape from our own internal built in human condition of desire, and no escape from how other people view our place on the totem pole.

I think it’s the same for the notion of being Sigma. I’ve been about as sigma as they come, I suppose, most of my life. I make my own rules, go my own way, at times to the extreme of neglecting to cut my hair or wear decent clothes. I was a late bloomer to even notice all the dominance plays for power that are constantly going on in most social dramas, such as Mad Men. Those social games never interested me and I thought they were for stupid people or people trapped within conventions or people trapped inside jobs that they didn’t have the wherewithal to get out of.

But now I see it the same way as the socio-sexual hierarchy. There is no escaping it. Sigma is an illusion.

We are judged by others, and pretending or willfully believing that it doesn’t matter does not lessen the advantages of being higher up on the pole.

It’s true that there are also disadvantages. If there were not then most people would not seem so eager to follow, and the world would look a lot more like Lucky Thomson’s dog eat dog world full of every man for himself gangsterish positioning. Most people take less risks, and are more docile, and many can get by barely even noticing the rat race.

I used to laud the virtue of being a slacker, and despised the notion of a suit. Free time was my most valuable possession. I was low on the financial totem pole at 40, and that hurt my prospects with women, but I still did well above average with no end in sight. By then I’d spent a few years managing a staff of 12, and a few years after that working mostly on my own, and was happy to no longer have the burden of responsibility of making payroll.

But since then I’ve regrouped and rearranged and repositioned myself. My staff are no longer a burden, any more than a hammer is a burden. They aren’t a burden because I’m not overextended. And instead of being trapped by the business monster that I created, I now enjoy work, and choose to do it. I’m no more trapped by my work than a painter is trapped by the canvas that he put in front of himself.

Last time I had a staff of 12, it had little benefit to me other than money. This time I’ve carefully chosen my businesses to work towards giving me social proof and social access to young hotties. The businesses are pipelines, as well as very enjoyable hobbies. They have brought me close friendships with many cool guys, who came out to live here as interns. The integration of personal interest, future interest, financial interest, and social interest is complete.

And in the process I’m more aware of the social hierarchy that I once thought was so utterly beside the point. It’s not beside the point once you get advantage from it. When people come to visit me at my shop-house in Java, they have to climb four flights of stairs to get to my room. It’s a 30 meter long building and the floors below are filled with cool machines and kowtowing underlings. And I built a garden on the roof and added two more floors out of bamboo just for fun, for a total of 7 floors.  This has a psychological impact on people.  The compound of bungalows under construction in Bali will be equally impressive, and the planned attractions will bring in a steady stream of impressionable wide young eyes .  This not only has a psychological impact, but is a pipeline and a growing network.

Guys who are not well positioned might start to get squirmy about this, and start to put their fingers in their ears and scream La La La La YOU DON’T NEED MONEY TO GET HOT GIRLS. Which is exactly like a go-your-own-way grass eater saying that you don’t need women to be happy. There is no escaping the fact that social hierarchy has an influence on how people treat you. When you are are relatively high up compared to those around you, through whatever the local measurements of status are, then people will treat you differently and you’ll notice the difference.

Only lately have I started to get a taste for it. It never mattered to me before, because I never knew the value of it before, because I never had the value of it before.

The back of my head is nearly all bald now, and my temples are grey.  It’s much worse than two years ago. My face gets wrinklier every year.  As do my drooping balls. But my tastes in girls are the same, and I still want and still date teenagers and young twenty somethings. I know that this is a concept that will not get past the fingers in the ears, but it’s a simple fact of life that money and status and power are sexually attractive, in more than a comfort and security way, plus also a comfort and security way. And this is a very welcome advantage for old men.

So medium term happiness is great, for you now. But there will be a different man in the future who will benefit from ample money.

And being sigma is good for you now. But you also might become a different man who becomes accustomed to being perceived of as high status, and becomes accustomed to the benefits that come with it.

Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose. Grass eaters are free from pussy. Hippies are free from corporate chains and petty concerns about material possessions. But nobody is free. We are socially enmeshed beings, and we can never be free from that without being dead. Whether we care about validation has nothing to do with the benefits and costs of our relative social positioning.  It takes money to be free, otherwise you won’t be free from hunger and deprivation, nor have the freedom to pay for a chosen lifestyle.

I’ve lived hand to mouth and been happy and enjoyed it. There is no one magic answer for what is a good life. I’m just saying that money matters more, the older we get, and as we get older we start to lose energy and focus and eventually peter out and want to retire.

If the long term is not included in notions about happiness, then you are having a generation gap with yourself, and are close to hoping that you die before you get old.

Posted in Uncategorized | 16 Comments »

Reader asks for personal development tips

Posted by xsplat on December 2, 2015

D.T. writes:

Mighty xsplat,
You are my role model for an integrated male.
While I hope to follow in your footsteps, it seems we’re not even on the same continent, figuratively.

So I want to know the best place to start my journey.
I am hoping for a list of resources. Even though I suspect the kind of personal development you attained is not the product of reading books.
Thank you for your inspiration,


Hi D,

In the past I might have listed off books that were the most influential and interesting to me, but I’m no longer confident that there can be any cookie cutter approach to personal development.

Meditation and Buddhist mind training and body centered awareness practices such as chi-kung have been very important to me, especially in my teens through thirties. Shamata Vipassana meditation no longer seems so crucial, however it is still life enhancing. Chi-kung remains life enhancing, although I go through spurts of regular practice. Eastern philosophy had been a big interest, however now no longer is and I can’t even remember why it was so important at the time.

Relationships were always important to me, and I had no access to any red pill thought until my late thirties, at which time I was well placed in Thailand to be able to discover more about masculine/feminine interactions just by dating. Girls don’t try to be men in SEA, and so some of the underlying polarities are easier to notice and more masculinity and leadership is rewarded instead of insulted. So that began a new phase and focus of development for me; sexual loving relationships from a position of dominance.

Business has been an ongoing interest since I was a young boy, and I’ve been a self supported entrepreneur since my early twenties. I’m still developing my entrepreneurial and managerial skills.

Music is a new interest, and despite my lack of talent, is another avenue of personal development that is now important to me. That started mostly in my mid to late forties. Although I wish I’d started earlier to catch a child’s developmental window of neuronal re-organization, it is not too late to learn slowly.

I never went to college, and spent most of my time hanging out with girls throughout my adult life. Only in the last few years have I had male friends around, so I’m getting a late start on developing social skills among men. Again, it’s not too late to learn slowly.

There are many lines of personal development available to us, and it’s common to delve deeply into one or a few of them throughout different periods of life. I’ve known a few men deeply focused on developing their mathematical ability.

I’ve had an interest in writing ever since I noticed a talent for it at age nine. One of the most pleasurable experiences I’ve had was taking a continuing education poetry writing class for adults. We would do assignments in class, then at home, then in the next class read our assignments and follow up with critiquing each others work. I don’t know how to explain how fulfilling and interesting that was. My style keeps changing and some of my best writing seems behind me, but I’m still learning and developing.

Sexual chi-kung has been a strong interest for decades. I’ve had far more sex than most people, if you measure it in hours. I would suspect that I’ve had more hours of sex than have the top 10 manosphere PUA artists combined. I had a year with one girl where we had a minimum of four hours of sex (sex measured only when pumping – not just hanging out on the bed) per day, and we’d spend all day Saturday and Sunday fucking, only stopping to eat, shit, and sleep. My doctor at the time told me that I had the heart rate of a professional athlete, and couldn’t believe that my only aerobic activity was a lot of sex.  I did that with a few other girls too; screamingly intense sex for as long and often as physically possible. Even this year I’d sometimes see all three girls in a day, and sometimes more than once a day. And I would wager all of my income streams and every last cent that I’ve had far better quality sex than any published PUA. But the quality is no longer at it’s peak. Crohn’s disease and age have lowered my stamina, and it takes a few hours of Chi-kung and formless meditation per day to be sublimely energetically aware and powerful. I go through phases of going more deeply into that, and sometimes just have sex that is closer to that of a mere mortal.

The lines of development that have interested me have usually not interested my peers. When I was deeply into meditating, and was described by some senior visiting Tibetan lineage holders as having a strong meditative awareness and good potential for Enlightenment, nearly no one else in the Buddhist community had any awareness of or interest in the Kundalini that was raging up my spine, on command, or of energetic practices such as Chi-Kung. And outside that community no one shared my interest and concern with Mahayana practices and philosophies of directly perceiving the nature of reality as empty of narrative, and the nature of mind as composed of compassion. Mahayana Emptiness and Love and mind training were THE most important thing in the world to me, but meant nothing to most every other person I’d interact with. Even among other Buddhists I was considered hard core, and few understood me, other than some top teachers.

But now I’m not the least interested in “regarding all dharmas as dreams”, and no longer do magic tricks with my mind where the field of vision becomes non-dual self aware mind stuff. That took intense focus and training and effort, and I could never stabilize the experience for longer than minutes, hours, or once for a few months. I’m no longer interested in 24 hour awareness and having a large percentage of dreams be lucid. It’s a life improvement, certainly; quality of life goes way up, and so does the number of cycles per second. It’s like time slows down and you see more of everything at once and so life gets unspeakably richer; you get more of life in each moment. So much more that getting back to that place seems like waking up from being a half aware half asleep zombie. But that no longer matters that much to me.

Right now I want to focus on business. I’m getting old, and do need money now for current and future life extending technologies. I’ve had lots of great sex. I’ve drank tanker loads full of vodka. I’ve danced with many hotties who were in love with me. I’ve had peak meditative experiences that match up with some of the most profound Buddhist texts ever passed down from teacher to student. That gives me some sense of peace; I’ve done what was important to me and I’ve lived a good life. But it’s not over. There is so much more potential, not just for the world as I know it, but in the cyborg and biologically enhanced world we are creating. If I want to get over the hump into the future where staying alive is an option, I need to focus now on business. I need to be carefully positioned to have options and influence and resources and power.

There may be time again to go deeply into meditative awareness. Or maybe I’ll go deeply into music next time instead. Right now I want to develop business.

And of course I want to leverage my businesses to help to meet and seduce a few debutante quality girls to become pregnant and devoted to me.

So that’s an outline of how I think of personal development. I may have missed a few lines of development, but wrote of the ones that have meant the most to me. Sex, relationships with women, writing, business, meditation and chi-kung, then music and relationship with men and managing staff.

But my interests and developments can not be prescriptive. I used to want other people to be as interested in meditation as I was, and could never understand how people could be so blind and lazy and ignorant to not be. The same for philosophy. The same for sexual chi kung. Sometimes people have asked me for tips and pointers about chi-kung and meditation, but so far only Cody followed through with a continued life changing chi-kung awakening. Other people reacted with something more like “oh, that’s so cool and amazing, I should do that too!”

I don’t know why people have the interests that they do. Maybe meditative interests are also partly innate and people either have a meditative experience module that can be developed, or they don’t. I know that in my large meditation community, maybe only 2% of people had any direct experience of what Buddhists term “prajna”. No matter how many hours, months, or years of dedicated effort of sitting on the cushion.

My dad is a gifted amateur musician, and he put a piano in our house before I was born. I would play around on it and improvise along one rudimentary chord change. I couldn’t do much, but I had a small amount of pride in my growing dexterity. Then one day I wandered into the high school music room after class hours to see my buddy on the keyboard. He didn’t perform any jazz hands or snazzy finger dances. Instead he emoted directly out of the piano. With just simple hand placements, he was music. He didn’t do what I did, which was to try to push buttons in a fancy order, instead he seemed to feel a rich tapestry of musical emotion, and gently and simply let it out.

I was awed, and knew then that my musical talent could never be anywhere near his level.

Twenty years later I’d buy an electric keyboard, and I again noodled around on it. At a Christmas re-union I drunkedly showed off a little ditty I had composed. My mom said “what else can you play?” and I said, “that’s about it”. Even though I noodled regularly, I didn’t progress much. My cousin on the other hand was a concert level virtuoso. I had no idea what he was doing with his chord changes, but my father kept saying “I see what you did there”.

Later in the evening my cousins and my dad would talk mathematics, and it was all completely over my head.

My mathematical talent is above average. I’m guessing my musical talent is somewhere near average. But some people seem to have brain modules that are at a different level entirely, for certain areas that we can develop, and my cousins and father can speak in the languages of music and math about worlds that I can not even glimpse.

Years later in Indonesia I bought another keyboard, and strangely enough I progressed better than I had as a younger man. Then I bought a Yamaha Clavinova CVP 605, and progressed more still. It surprises me why I am able to progress now, when I could not as a boy or in my early thirties. Is it the neurogenesis boost from the Rolipram that I now take? Or has a neuroplastic developmental window opened up in older age? The learning is always going to be slower than that of a prodigy, and I’ll never reach the same levels, but I can notice improvements, even between sessions.

So you can see how I can’t prescribe tips for development. We each have different brain modules for what can be developed; the bulk of people even in a serious Buddhist community can barely develop their meditative insight at all. Many people can’t sustain musical interest, and even if forced barely progress. Most people have no interest in math and geometry, and even if they tried would never get far in those studies.

And our areas that we are interested to develop can change over time.

Some people can get just a few small tips from me about chi-kung and its enough to open up their internal floodgates. Others can get a profound and deep initial instruction and it’s nothing more than a fun and fleeting wow moment.

And there must be lines of development that I have not paid attention to.

But if a person is interested in integrated development and is looking for resources, I’d suggest a good place to start is by getting an overview of what lines of development are possible, and how these lines develop through defined stages. A Brief History of Everything by Ken Wilber is the the most accessible, comprehensive and well thought out map that I’ve come across. He has a library of books, but Sex, Ecology, and Spirituality is the deeper companion novel to A Brief History. It is not as accessible, and most people find it tough going. I found it a breeze to read through, and very interesting – so again, it will depend on your brain modules. Some people are philosophically inclined and find pleasure in abstract thought and can easily see many connections at the same time, while others must use effort and struggle and barely get any reward for philosophical thinking. It would make no sense to broadly prescribe SES to everyone on the street.

I consider mind training, and body-mind awareness training to be the bedrock of all personal development. The Buddhists have the best mind training technology, in my opinion. However please be warned that if you get involved in a community, which can be very helpful, you should expect to get somewhat brainwashed. That’s the human condition. So you may wind up with some extra baggage of metaphysical beliefs, some of which can be downright harmful. Don’t buy into the “help others before yourself” egoless compassion bullshit. Don’t buy into the “you’d better get enlightened before you die” wheel of suffering fire and brimstone crap. Buddhism is very tradition oriented, and they didn’t know shit about shit hundreds and thousands of years ago. What they didn’t know, they just made up, and called it tradition. Nowadays we have cognitive and biological and dozens of other sciences to put the mind training into a realistic empirical framework. I don’t even buy Wilbers framework anymore – even his was too metaphysical, back when he wrote SES. I suggest it not because it’s perfect, but because it’s the best flawed map that I know of.

Also for development we need to see our big life plan. You will often read me being angry at this or that writer in the manosphere, and accusing him of being pernicious. I have a strong sense of brotherly concern, and people truly matter and mean something to me. Some advice is pernicious. It just is. Real poison, and horrible misdirection. One way that writers go wrong that I’ve railed against is the fake it until you make it self hypnotic narcissist attitude that confidence is what matters most. No, what matters most is ACTUALLY developing as a person, and ACTUALLY getting fucking rich as hell. Not feeling developed. Being developed. Not feeling deserving of confidence, but being deserving of confidence. Because confidence is always about something. Confidence in appearance is about confidence in how you ACTUALLY look, not in how you feel you look. Confidence in any possible area you can point a stick at is about a real measurable shared reality, not about a narcissistic self image. So remember, we will all get old, and the older you get, the more you will need money and power.

Self development is great, but the long game must include money and power. Even if you want to take a few decades off as a slacker, the value of money and power increases as the powers of your youth decrease. If you love your future self, do him the favour of taking him into consideration.

Half way through this email I started writing it not as a direct answer to you, but as a general blog post to all possible readers.


Your friend,


Posted in Uncategorized | 10 Comments »

How to find real work satisfaction, and increase everyone’s happiness

Posted by xsplat on November 30, 2015

Dialog is how we individuals think.  It’s not possible to get far along in any creative thinking about this world without discussions with others.

This is why books and periodicals, universities, tech corridors, and blogs and forums are so crucial to furthering knowledge.  A big percentage of my blog posts are replies to other peoples posts.

Wojciech Majda commented on the main insight of my last post; that mechanical pleasure is a distinct category of pleasure.

 Interesting observations xsplat. I started an online shop selling lifesaving supplements, and it’s all good, but I still want to “create” something real, not only being . In my case it’s growing high quality fruit and vegetables, not machines, but the rule stays.

Gardening and farming is likely to be not only a cultural adaptation, but also an evolved trait.

Worms fed worms that have learned certain associations also act as if they directly learned those associations. All animals are born with extremely specific hard-coded learning, and we call this instinct. Even the tiny brains of insects retain extremely complex learning that is passed down through generations, and can be programmed to skip generations, or to only activate during certain developmental windows.

We don’t know how these instincts and learned behaviours are encoded and passed on. I’d expect reward circuits to be involved. We already know that people are wired to be rewarded differently, and genes play a part in that. I’ve heard of genetic information, epigenetic information (genes that are triggered by the environment which includes actions of other genes), and RNA also encode heritable information. It is being considered that the bulk of our DNA which is termed junk DNA because we can’t see any function for it isn’t junk but has unknown functions. We know that epigenetic changes, such as hormonal reactions to food availability and environmental stress, can be passed down more than one generation. As of now we only know of some bacteria that carry the CRISPR genes, which allows for cutting and replacing parts of DNA, however I suspect that learning and epigenetic changes can lead to longer term heritable changes through changes to DNA. We certainly see a world filled with examples of animals selected for very detailed learnings. Humans for instance have been selected to throw a ball, something no other animal can do. That may have happened from random mutations being favored, but I don’t think that’s the only reasonable explanation.

The creative urge could be a broad stroke instinct that encompasses other urges in our Venn diagram, but the specifics of our creative urges could also be heritable.  A male bower bird has the specifically directed creative urge to gather and arrange colors around his nest, but no urge to garden.

So I think gardening could be an instinct that many humans share, that is distinct from the tool making and tool using instinct.

Some people are strongly inclined to draw. Others to write. I don’t believe that the basic creative urge itself, even when combined with differing aptitudes, fully accounts for these predilections. Especially when we consider the Darwinian advantages to having bower bird specific urges.

Some humans are known to have a strong urge to travel to new places, and we’ve pinpointed genes correlated with that urge. I’d think it quite likely that just like everywhere else in the animal kingdom, humans too have heritable pinpoint specific urges for specific actions.

Such as:

Hunting on land
Hunting from above the water
Fire making
Craft making
Musical instrument making
Tool making
Tool and weapon use
Martial arts including one on one sports like tennis
Group martial arts including team sports like lacrosse
Drumming (beat as distinct from melody)
Music making (rap is not music)
Representational art making
Peacocking through fashion
Bower birding through architecture and decorating
Mathematical pondering
Logical pondering
Arguing including legal arguing
Envisioning futures
Story telling

Some of these urges and a basic underlying creative urge can overlap, and environment will always play a part in how active and developed our base instincts can become.


It’s obviously not the case that we are a homogeneous species; as a species we have castes of personality types, much as do the social insects.

Therefore there is a key to finding job satisfaction.  It’s not as simple as finding our bliss, because most stuff we like to do doesn’t pay well, or isn’t sustainably pleasurable as a job.  But that’s got to be the core of it; finding and playing to our strengths.  To our instincts.

And that’s not obvious.  People change their university majors many times before taking a career in a different field before changing career directions.  Sometimes people take a pay cut in order to enjoy life more by enjoying their work more.  Sometimes people increase their pay by finally finding their calling and putting in real passion towards their work.

Throughout my life I’ve had some obsessive daydreams.  I’ve wanted to build house boats out of bamboo.  I’ve wanted to build a robot army.  I’ve wanted to have a synergy of businesses with broad marketing and social outreach.  And fundamentally I’ve always wanted to rule the world.  I doubt labeling that as narcissism really captures it.  Some of us feel entitled to rule the world.  Churchill used to go around saying that he always felt it was his destiny to rule England – and this was way before he actually did.  Was that sense of entitlement a delusional pathology?  Or could there be predilections towards leadership that are similar to predilections towards gardening?

Ruling the world by the way is often done behind the scenes, rather than as a charismatic front man.  Think bankers instead of Hitler, Rupert Murdoch instead of Barack Obama.  The urge to rule can be an urge to primal power, which has many faces.

A lot of people really get evolution wrong, thinking that power was always fundamentally about who is the strongest ape.  But pack leaders are not always the strongest; social alliances play a huge role in dominance hierarchies, and political skills are not the same as arm wrestling skills.  And humans have evolved socially and with job specialization for long enough that our hierarchies barely match up with physical dominance; in many fields there is scant advantage even to being tall and handsome.   To be powerful in this world, to have the status that comes from being at the top of important hierarchies and to be able to have others do what you say and laugh even when your jokes are stupid, isn’t about showing up in prison and taking down the biggest badass, and it isn’t about being telegenic and kissing babies to get votes.  There are as many ways to power as there are rivers on the planet.

You can be a Feinman.

You can be a Pete Townshend

You can be a Hugh Hefner

You can be a Warren Buffett

You can be a Dr. Seuss

So what I’m coming to realize is that the will to power should not always be approached directly.  Instead of realizing that I want and expect and must be incredibly rich, and going straight after that, I am better served by also knowing how I can best enjoy getting rich.  How I can follow my bliss, even if it means a pay cut.

Do I want to be marketer? Do I want to be an inventor?  Do I want to keep my creative hand in a thousand different piles?

The brain doesn’t hold a single personality, and as with the rest of the world, it is composed out of competing interests.  Part of me is a big slacker, part of me really only cares about fucking, and part of me loves sleeping most of all.  But as a team, are we at our peak playing football, or hanging out with the drama club?

I can see the team shifting interests over time.  People  mine the depths of interests only to surface and dig an oil well in a different county.

Our interests can shift and even evolve, but more than that it takes trial and effort to match our interests with practical advancement.  I’ve tried being a marketer.  I’ve tried having my hand in a thousand different entrepreneurial piles.  Some of it is pleasurable but not all of it is practical, and vice versa.  I doubt any school or anyone else’s advice would have been able to sort that out for me.

It’s an interesting and difficult question; what should I major in in life?  One I never thought would make any sense asking myself.  I’ve usually felt that I was doing exactly what I wanted to be doing.

Only now I feel that more than usual.  Could I have planned earlier to get into inventing and selling machines?  Mmm, probably not, because I had to build up the resources first.  I like to make machines as a manager more than as an engineer and craftsman.  And nobody would have ever hired me to do that.  Nobody except for me.

Can our instincts be consciously harnessed to match up with our careers?  If so, how on earth.  I think we are often unaware of what they are, and more often unaware of how to capitalize on them.

So the question is the answer.  How to be more aware of what we enjoy and want to be good at?  By asking ourselves how we can be more aware of what we enjoy and want to be good at.

And an equally important question is how to use other peoples strengths to shore up our own weaknesses, and how to work in a team.  Because there is no corporation of one, no mafia of one, no army of one, nothing of substantial power that is composed of one.

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

Job satisfaction is a thing

Posted by xsplat on November 28, 2015

I’ve been paying attention to all the mini biographies that show up on the Discovery channels.  People who worked on the space shuttle talk about how they felt coming to work every day. People who work in salvage talk about how they feel crushing huge air planes day after day.  People who worked on the moon landing projects can’t help but pour out their feelings about getting up every day and going to do their jobs.

They all say that they love it.  They all look forward to going to work!

Adam Savage considers himself the luckiest man alive because he loves his myth busting work.  Not just because he doesn’t dread working; because he actively loves the work that he does.

I had some glitches put one of my businesses at risk a few months ago, and so I had to scramble to come up with alternate income streams.  There is no way in hell I’m going to start back at the bottom again!  It didn’t take long to find avenues to easy money.  One way was a parasitical scam that would cause annoyance and minor financial loss to criminals.  Another was a victimless crime that would affect some decimal point on some bankers ledger.  I did the research, and enjoyed puzzling out how to beat the system.  There is a special taste to stolen watermelons, and there is a special thrill to illicit funds.

But I never did pull the trigger.

It’s fun to figure out how to hack the system, and yes there even can be some pride in accomplishment in that.  But is it the kind of job you’d wake up and be happy to do?

No, it’s the kind of thing you’d do for the money.  Not because you want to do it.


I was surprised to notice a familiar internal dialogue lately.  “God my life is good”.  This was surprising because lately I’ve backed way off from my usual sources of happiness; sex and chi-kung.  I’m extremely work focused.

So how can my life feel so good?  I rarely go out, and spend my time doing things such as researching vinyl blends and UHMWPE additive patents.  Or the relationship between spindle speeds and cutter sizes, and if it’s possible to attach a gear reducer to a wood working spindle to do high torque low rev cutting into steel.  I wake up, work until I can’t keep my eyes open anymore, sleep and repeat.  I let my girls visit, but not even every day.  I used to see minimum two per day.

A few years ago I had a serious life threatening health scare, and was directly facing my very real mortality.  I made my financial arrangements in case of my death, and then I had to decide what to do with my time.  I was surprised that I did not want to stop working.

I did not want to stop working, even facing the possibility of soon dying.

I’ve heard my grandmother and my father talk about the importance of good work for life satisfaction.  I had never understood them.  Especially as a professional do nothing stare at the wall deliberately meditator.  Work was for those who couldn’t figure out how to beat the system.  Work was for those too antsy with their own itchy brains to settle down and enjoy silence.

But now I can empathize with why Steve Jobs kept working, even though he already had more money than he could spend on himself, and even though he had terminal cancer.  He did not want to retire.  He wanted to work.

I’m really happy with the projects that I’ve started.  They give me a feeling of accomplishment.  That I am doing something, and that I’m doing something that I like to do.  I’m proud of these projects.  They will affect many peoples lives, and they are also just cool.  It’s not the moon mission, and I don’t run a gigantic coal scoop.  But in my own way I’m making a positive difference, and am inventing and making new things that have never been made before.  Some happiness will be increased.  Actually I don’t even know why there is such a thing as work satisfaction, and I don’t know what causes it.

I just that it’s a real thing.  It’s not a pipe dream.  Work satisfaction is a real thing.

Update: oscarchambers said:

I think independence and working to enrich yourself instead of someone else plays a role. Also if you are doing something that is a real net positive ( cancer research, virology, helping society) it feels like you serve a greater purpose, like religion but with real world quantifiable effect. You get what I am saying, right?

Yes, working as an entrepreneur instead for someone else’s business can be motivational.

But I’ve also seen it be demotivational. When my businesses provide me security I can back off of work to explore other things.

And most of the examples that I see where people love their work are for employees.

So that still leaves it an open question.

Is it in the person’s character? We do know that some people are innately happier than others. Do you need to be born happy as a prerequisite for being able to love your work?

Or is it a matter of finding your bliss? Finding what type of job suits your character and interests?

Helping others is a type of reward, but that’s not always a factor. Some people just love the thrill of becoming one with gigantic machines, and having a crane be an extension of their arm.

I suppose there must be a type of pleasure that is associated with mechanical integration. Many men love working with tools, and many men have mechanical hobbies. They spend their time and hard earned money on building speed boats.

When we think of mechanical pleasure the first thing to come to mind is usually muscle cars. I was never much into them, and never enjoyed greasy wrenches and broken down engines. But a lot of my pleasure now comes from “mechanical pleasure”. I’m building machines, and it’s the machinyness of the projects that holds the key to why it’s enjoyable.

There is something magical about building machines, working with machines, extending ones capabilities through the use of machines.

I suppose we are evolved to love becoming 6 million dollar cyborgs. Our chainsaws don’t have to be welded to our arms in order to be an extension of them. Our tools are detachable, but when grasped are every bit as much an extension of our kinesthetically aware nervous system as are our our forearms and hands. The swordsman can reach to snuff out a candle with a three foot length of steel as easily as with his fingertips.

We’ve been forming tools since we crushed our first nut with a rock. For long enough to be preferentially selected for loving making and using tools.

Every example that I can remember of people loving their work has to do with mechanical pleasure. Integrating with machines or engineering machines. Working either alone as a machine or working in a team to create machines or working with tools to create objects.

As a teen and tweenager I often became one with my kinetic machines – I drove my Dads sedan around town as if it were a sports car, screeching around cul-de-sacs and fish tailing through stop signs. And took sublime pleasure in scraping the foot-pegs of my high powered sports bikes. Man and machine as one is a special class of pleasure.

And now I’m enjoying the other two types of mechanical pleasure.  I’m working in a team to engineer machines and using my machines to create objects.

This is different than the pleasures of building a business through online marketing.  The pleasure is intimately tied up with machines; building them, using them to make objects, and having them be an extension of me.

Posted in Uncategorized | 5 Comments »

Conflict avoidance is not a core personality trait; it’s malleable according to circumstance

Posted by xsplat on November 15, 2015

Riv posted about the importance of dominance and leadership, and of his personality traits of preferring to avoid conflict. That gave me the opportunity to riff on the subject of personality change:

Many of the personality traits you describe are malleable. Operant conditioning can make dramatic personality changes, and people can find that they are not the same person they were five years ago. My personality routinely is dramatically different than five years ago.

Avoidance of conflict is something I can point to in myself as something that has dramatically changed since I was in my twenties, and even thirties. It changed through having conflicts. I just got used to it, plus routinely found benefit in conflict. It’s still more pleasant not to have conflict, as I don’t have the pathology of having a high conflict personality, however I’m now very quick to initiate conflict – even extreme conflict – when I feel it required. And of course that’s a huge help.

I’m mostly familiar with conflict with my girls, as I’m usually living with some girl or dating several, so I’ve had decades of hours of interaction with girls – and plenty of opportunities for conflict. But some girls I could show mostly my sweet side and there was very rarely conflict. My last Chinese V for instance. Never once raised my voice with her, never once had to discipline her in any way. She would have been marriage material if only she was smaller and cuter – incredible personality – very respectful of boundaries. Smart. She broke up with me eventually after not being able to stand the constant heartbreak of me seeing other girls. All because I forgot to clean out the used hair cream sachets from the toilet waste-bin.

Anyway, I’m still getting used to conflict with employees, as even simple constant interaction with them is something I’ve avoided. But it’s just a matter of practice.

Authority of all kinds is just a matter of practice.

If you start to manage people, your personality will adjust, and you will get better at it. Your tolerance for interpersonal conflict will with complete certainty increase. And your skill at conflict will go up. It’s possible that you will even start to see more benefit in the risk/benefit side of conflict, and become skillful and capable in initiating conflict. And not doubting yourself about not needing to initiate it.

Business can be a good way to bring out these managerial aspects of personality. Here in Indonesia it’s inexpensive to control a whole group of people, including secretaries, various staff, cooks, house cleaners, etc. Girlfriends seem to just be added on to staff, and you can start to order them around, constantly telling them what tasks to do for you.

People like it. People like to follow. People like it that a man is in charge. It gives them a feeling of security, direction, and belonging. Most people are genetically predisposed to follow, and are most comfortable following. Women especially.

And putting yourself into that situation makes you into the person who is in charge. Who expects to be in charge. Who is a leader. You’ll find a certain haughtiness in yourself even when interacting with so called authority figures, because you have so throughly taken on the role as THE authority. Some petty parking lot attendant wants to make you reposition your motorcycle to point handlebars in instead of handlebars out? You see him as a low ranking know nothing who doesn’t understand his place in the grand scheme of things and walk away. He barks at you as you walk away? You bark right back, much much louder, and keep walking. Some cop is shaking you down for money? You are unruffled, smile, and easily negotiate a fee that a local would pay. Because you FEEL like the authority. He is not the authority, just because of his badge. You OWN authority, because you ARE authority. In your bearing he sees that you are unruffled, and so he is unruffled, and you both laugh and money changes hands and you are on your way, no problems. While your intern routinely gets shaken for 700,000 rupiah, you never pay more than 100,000, and that’s when you don’t simply keep driving past the cop trying to pull you over.

Being a leader makes you into a leader.

And that means learning when to conflict, and being adept at it. Of course it’s a never ending process. It feels as if even after 5 years of having staff, I’m only starting my journey. I suppose that’s because only now am I taking a much more hands on and micro-managing approach to working with my team.

Posted in Uncategorized | 9 Comments »

The business of motivation is a pyramid scheme

Posted by xsplat on November 11, 2015

dt070721Lately I’m working about 12 productive hours a day on projects that I love.  I’ve hired a new mechanical engineer, and an experienced electrical engineer.  I’m still interviewing for another mechanical engineer, new marketing staff and replacement secretarial staff. My 3d modeler and his aid continue to do good work.

This is a major lifestyle transition for me, nearly on par with past major lifestyle changes such as joining a monastery or knocking a girl up and getting married.

Usually I work in spurts, with the biggest incentives coming when finances fall apart.  But when that happens my  mind is stressed and I can grasp around desperately for new fast money projects.  These are easy to come up with as opportunity is around endless corners, but working on new projects out of desperation doesn’t have the same follow through as working on projects out of love for the work.

But when I have security and wealth, time is best spent enjoying the biggest pleasures; sex, love, camaraderie, music, chi-kung, writing, and more sex.  Work is treated as a fun hobby that provides some challenge and daily continuity, but it isn’t my life.  Nor should it be.dontwork

But now I have chosen to make work my life. That’s not a choice I could have made before, even if I had wanted to.  Because you can’t chose what you want. You can’t choose to be motivated.

dt150807I have the perfect confluence of events that enable me to be precisely motivated; to want to do what I want to do.  I don’t have to tell myself to want something that I don’t want.  I don’t have to pump myself up with promises, or carefully dole out rewards of pats on the back and cookies for deeds that fit in with the master plan.  There are no internal wrinkles that I need to struggle to iron out.

dt030520Over the last three years I’ve had 8 interns working with me, plus three potential interns visiting.  Motivation was always the number one issue.  People were enthused about the projects.  They believed in them and wanted to contribute.  They were enthused about the team; we had great interpersonal chemistry – not just good, but great. Life was fun hanging out together and fun working together.  But the hours didn’t get put in, and the hours that were put in did not have a quality focus.

After Aaron left I had no choice but to double down.  Not only did I have to do my work, I also had to do his. I had to do more work better than the both of us had ever done.  I have a vision, god damn it, and it WILL happen.

And I am getting more good work done than I ever have.  And not just work that leads to money.  Work that I want to do; work that matters to me, work that I would pay money to be associated with.  Work that I am proud of.

My new work is as a team leader for over a dozen projects that I have come up with.  Team leader and inventor.  Inventing is actually quite easy, and I’ve already come up with some ideas that are totally obvious in hindsight, but at the same time revolutionary.

dt150804I’m elaborating on fundamental ideas that I had years ago.  I’ve wanted to do this for ages, and I’ve been trying to do this for ages. I’ve hired staff before for projects I’m taking up again.  But I took a more hands off approach.  I gave staff and interns the general ideas, and I expected them to handle the execution.  This gave me time to widen my business interests and have a lot of sex.

Now I’m in constant communication with each staff member, and manage small decisions for every step of every project.  It takes all my time and all my focus.

And I really like it.  It’s focused work, but it’s not something that I’m doing just to later earn money.  I don’t have to make myself want to want to do this.  I want to do this.


I have expected interns to feel how I do now. To be fully invested. To not just get excited about the job, not just handle the details, but integrate their lives into the work. Be personally invested to the degree that they wake up and want to work, and to not even feel a need for off time. To embody the projects such that work was life was fun.

Cody was the only intern who had a high level of enthusiasm, however when I asked him how many hours per day he was working he self reported four. Over the course of a year he completed a good project that now continues to earn me money every month. His work paid for the all the interns whose work earned me nothing.

But he still only put in four hours a day. The competition usually isn’t so sluggish, and in the tech industry there is no such time luxury. You need to get the R and D and working prototype ready before someone else surpasses you. And then you’d better be ready to produce in quantities. And to market effectively. You can’t afford to come at such work as if it’s a hobby. And even if it is a hobby, if you want to finance more projects, you need to make that hobby into a real business, and that means productivity and deadlines.


As an entrepreneur and manager, I am not able to influence other peoples genetics, nor even can I influence enough of the environment to fully motivate. I can’t even influence my own environment enough to motivate myself.

What unrepeatable environmental situations have me motivated now?

1) I have only just barely enough financial security. It’s enough to invest in the new projects and pay rent, utilities and staff, but it could fall into pieces at any time.

2) I’m old and my continued future sex life with young hotties realistically depends on increasing my wealth, social access, and status.

3) I have tried every other option to make my visions come true. I’ve tried delegating. I’ve tried hiring managers who can follow my direction and delegate. I have tried to get people working with me as fellow entrepreneurs for a stake in our businesses. There is no solution to getting things done that does not involve micromanaging every little detail and injecting myself into every little process with each staff member.

4) I’ve discovered the perfect dose of the perfect work motivating chemical for my system. It is a chocolate polyphenol extract called theobromine. I bought five kilos of it and start the day off with a scoop mixed into my watered down fruit juice combo and slurp through another two or three mugs before hitting maximum dose. Gives just the right amount of work oriented buzz without going so far as to detract from focus. If I were not in work-lifestyle mode and had access I’d choose marijuana instead, which leads me to focus on sex, chi-kung, and piano.

And genetically:

5) I really enjoy making machines. I’m fascinated with man toys, and being involved in the process of inventing and improving upon man toys plays up to my greatest strength, which is to creatively piece together patterns and to discover new associations. I love the creative process, and am compelled to create. At first I thought writing was my only way to let out this creative urge. Then I discovered music. And now I’m discovering inventing.


Aaron and I enjoyed each others company, but when he left to start up his own new project he left behind an unfinished project here. I had given a generous salary plus all expenses and loads of way too much free reign, and was left with nothing tangible for it. Our friendship was geared around business, and the business didn’t end well or overall meet my hopes and expectations. If I had it to do all over again I would re-create the same mistakes though. I had a lot of fun making them, and without them I would not be able to be as motivated as I am now.

You can’t create motivation. You can’t teach it. You can’t sell it. And you can’t buy it.

People who sell motivation are selling hope. Hope is a lottery ticket. Lottery tickets are only valuable in that they give temporary hope.

Men get rich selling hope. Then they point to their success as proof that they are actually selling the secrets to success. When everybody is selling each other hope that’s called Amway.

But feeling hopeful and inspired has nothing to do with motivation. Motivation is when there is no internal conflict between what you wish you wanted to do and what you actually want to do.

Posted in Uncategorized | 12 Comments »

Do we say that “all women are like that” out of cognitive dissonance to protect our character?

Posted by xsplat on October 11, 2015

A reader responded to my last post that his reference experiences in the West led him to believe that most if not close to all women in the west court for sex, and not for commitment, and that he believed that sociosexuality would be strongly envirionmentally influenced, and as such in the opulent west women would change their strategies away from low sociosexuality.

I replied:

A careful read of the wikipedia articles and the relevant links suggests strong nurture components, but also some nature components

A few interesting quotes:

Individuals who are partnered typically have lower testosterone levels than individuals who are single. However, this was found to apply solely to individuals possessing a restricted sociosexual orientation. Partnered, unrestricted men and women’s testosterone levels are more similar to the levels of single men and women.

In regions that suffer from a high prevalence of infectious diseases, both men and women report lower levels of sociosexuality, as the costs of an incautious lifestyle (i.e., being unrestricted) may outweigh the benefits

Higher masculinity[16] and eveningness[17] in women is related to unrestricted sociosexuality.

I’m going to assume that higher masculinity in women is biological but mostly epigenetic, and I will assume that eveningness could be genetic as well as epigenetic. I think epigenetic means that environmental cues trigger changes in gene functions without changing the underlying genes, for instance hormone balance during fetal development cause dramatic epigentic differences in brain and body development.

Also please note:

Individuals who are sociosexually unrestricted tend to score higher on openness to experience,[7] and be more extraverted,[8] less agreeable,[8] lower on honesty-humility,[9] more erotophilic,[10] more impulsive,[11] more likely to take risks,[11] more likely to have an avoidant attachment style,[12] less likely to have a secure attachment style,[13] and score higher on the Dark Triad traits (i.e. narcissism, Machiavellianism, psychopathy).[14][15]

Which would suggest we should expect that the pick up community should self select for people who
1) have dark triad traits
2) are more likely to have an avoidant attachment style
3) all the rest

My seduction style is very sexual, and I usually have sex on the first date. With this virgin V it took 8 dates. And with my last virgin M it took about a month. I’ve heard of many virgins putting out within hours or even minutes, so I doubt in either case that the virginity was the sole factor for the sexual reticence. The virginity was caused by an underlying factor, rather than being an underlying factor.

As for your reference experiences, yes, it will be hard for any of us to tease out how much of that is due to how we screen.

I thought the eveningness trait was interesting, in light of how some people judge the general character of all women based upon women they meet in the evening in clubs. Heartiste used to always counter the argument that club girls are different by simply saying that no, all girls go to clubs. It’s a weak argument. The proportion of girls in a club will not be representative of an average.

In what other ways are we all screening without being aware of it? Many pua systems have screening explicitly built right in. And then after careful screening we declare that “all women are like that”?

It is the case that the relative distributions of sociosexual orientations are changing, and this is reflected in the changing statistics for infidelity. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Infidelity

However the best statistics that we have for marital infidelity still show that infidelity is not the norm. Not all men or women do that. And most experienced PUAs will be clear that not all women can be seduced away from their man.

And so I think it’s a matter of how we screen, but also the stories we tell ourselves. How convenient to our collective egos is it to tell each other that “all women are like X”? How much warm brotherly camaraderie do we get to enjoy by sharing that story? Our relationship failures are communally exonerated.

People will do anything for those who encourage their dreams, justify their failures, allay their fears, confirm their suspicions and help them throw rocks at their enemies. The One Sentence Persuasion Course

I’ve been saying for years “all women are devilish whores”. And there is some truth in it – there are some underlying fundamental similarities in the potentials of most all women. Most of them have sex drives that are like a back door to hacking their system. Get a girl isolated with an attractive man and you have opportunity plus proximity – the magic recipe.

But now I’m questioning why I said that. Was it from a lack of reference experiences? Was I trying to extrapolate out from a limited data set onto what was actually an unknown? I know I feel very clever when I claim a hidden and forbidden knowledge on the nature of all women.

It’s not true that we only have our reference experiences to go on. There are also studies and statistics. Some women marry as virgins and never cheat. Most women don’t cheat, either on their boyfriend or their husband. A great many women screen for commitment before having any sex.

And a great many women don’t.

Author Ken Wilber was once asked why he didn’t go on a tour circuit, and he replied that it was because he did not trust that he was different from everybody else he had ever seen. Everybody else he had seen who had gone on a tour circuit was constantly explaining their viewpoint again and again, and so naturally became INVESTED in that viewpoint. Their character was someone who had that viewpoint. That viewpoint became not only what they believed, but who the were. Without that viewpoint they would need to re-adjust their entire character.

I see investment in viewpoints all the time in the manosphere. Heartiste and Rollo have explicitly stated that any scientific study that goes against their gut feeling will be automatically assumed by them to be false. They have blantently pledged allegience to confirmation bias.

And I’m seeing groupies of writers who have taken up clique-talk as if any manospherian term were a biblical truism.

These truisms become litmus tests for in-group loyalty. Of personal character.

Are all women like that? If you dare to question it, are you (gasp) purple pill?

Posted in Uncategorized | 7 Comments »

R selected values and lifestyle are nothing to aspire to

Posted by xsplat on October 11, 2015

Those who have read Krauser will recognize him as an unusually intelligent, talented and driven man, with a hard won and refined understanding of picking up and bedding hot women.

I left this comment on his most recent post:

I can see that the guy is ego invested in virtue being broadly virtuous. He would like to think that since virtue is a good thing, it is good across all domains, and therefore makes a category error, which you correctly point out. Being virtuous is not necessarily being sexy.

However you go too far to say that the willingness to be monogamous has no value to women, or that women don’t actively screen for that willingness. And you go too far when you say that other factors, such as wealth and listening ability are not actively screened for by women when they pair bond.

There are women with low socio sexual scores, of all ages. The community gets it wrong about that, and Rollo is partly responsible, with his idea of stages of mating. It is not true that all young hot girls screen primarily for alpha boys. There are girls of all ages who have low socio-sexual scores who put very high value on bonding and do not want sex without bonding. This is hard wired into them. No matter how hot and no matter how young.

I’m currently seeing one such girl – a 24 year old who has been obsessively in love with me for 7 months or so. She again found evidence of me seeing other girls and is again horribly heartbroken and devastated. Women do get that way, just as men do. We are seeing each other again, after she broke up with me, as being in love is a compulsion, however it’s very difficult for her to expose herself to further heartbreak. That girl was a virgin when I first met her. She is not an anomaly. There are plenty of low-socio-sexual-score women out there, who value security and commitment extremely highly, and do not want any sort of sexual relationship without it.

And it is a continuum. And there are SOME girls who ACT on a dual mating strategy. Not ALL girls ACT on a dual mating strategy. And of the ones that do, when they are interested in an LTR they certainly do usually place value on valuable things, such as money, ability to listen, and willingness to commit to monogamy.

And while it generally reasonable to make categories of attraction, such as comfort based attraction versus sexy based attraction, that model is simplistic but not correct. It is generally right, but not always right. Sometimes the categories are not so distinct, and therefore sticking to pigeon holing money into a comfort based beta-bucks category becomes a category error. Money can be used in such ways that add overall value to a man and therefore cause a sexual response in women. This has been scientifically studied and the conclusion was that women orgasm more for wealthy men. Fitness is not only about symmetry, not only about MMA ability, not only about social skills, not only about muscle size, not only about relative social positioning. Fitness is all of these and many more – it is a gestalt, measured by the community in general and by individuals who are affected by their communities. Women are highly tuned in to what other women find important, and yet still make individualized choices. Many women do value money. It is what it is and labelling such women as “gold diggers” does nothing to change their filters, and even less to change their sexual response to wealth based signifiers of power and status.

I think that many in the community get over-invested in the R selected notion of value, and I think this blinds people to how the world actually works with real women. I also have a hard time getting through videos that strike me as having an incorrect premise regarding K or R selected value. Just as you can’t make it through videos that overemphasize the K value system, I can’t make it through videos that overemphasize R selection as if it were some ideal to aspire to.

People have different temperaments and sexual strategies. It’s all too easy to get stuck inside our own characters, and simply become not only unwilling but unable to see outside of our characters point of view. In that case holding frame becomes a deficit.

A mild example of that might be not noticing that alternate strategies have alternate benefits.

An extreme example of that might be hating on all gays for their sexual orientation, for instance.

Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments »

The missed opportunities break my heart

Posted by xsplat on September 18, 2015

Three years ago I spotted an opportunity in the 3-d printer market. There were no large format hobbyist PLA extruding printers out there. So I researched all the open source projects, and found a new type of design that was ideal to making bigger prints.

At the time I had an intern who I was unable to motivate to work on his assigned project of mass marketing on blogs and forums through customizing an expensive script. So I asked him if he would be more motivated to work on making the design and getting it mass produced and starting a kickstarter project.

He agreed. One week later I went to visit his room and found a note saying that he had decided to go.

Last night I looked over all kickstarter projects for 3d printers, and now most of the projects are using the Kossel design that I had chosen. When I had chosen it there was not yet even one on Kickstarter, and only one or two people on the reprap forums had built it. Since then millions of dollars have been spent on Kickstarter for Kossels.

I have a cultivated and rare talent for discovering tremendous business opportunities.

But it’s not enough.

I can’t implement them all myself. And I’m not a good manager, my chief failing likely being that I am not a stern enough task master.

I am good at inspiring people with my visions. But I’m not good at getting people to actually do the fucking work.

People want to work 4 hour work weeks. Or 4 hour days.

I can’t fault people for that. I’m the same way. Unless my feet are to the fire I only play around. Only need motivates me.

Every time I’ve had interns here, I’ve taken away the very thing that I rely on for motivation. I pay all expenses and provide a fun and comfortable and secure environment, and give very little oversight over their time or work. A recipe for failure.

The hundreds of thousands of dollars lost by not following up on the Kossel is just one example of lost opportunities. If I could just find competent staff or interns or partners to do what I say, there are literally dozens of opportunities at least as good that I have identified. I have several projects already started, that are just on the verge of greatness, but I’m stuck for lack of talented and focused staff.

The motivation problem is funny, in a black ironic humor kind of way. One intern also left after I had given a task that required concrete results, for a project with greater profit potential than the Kossels, and the reason he gave for leaving was that he could not find the motivation to work on that project. The reason it’s funny and ironic is that I had hired him based on his chief skill as a motivation expert. I expected him to be expert in finding motivation to work on my projects and in motivating my staff. Instead he says he is only now motivated to work on his own project, which will be an app about motivation. Dark and twisted irony.

Update: In two days of research I have stumbled upon a way to revolutionize the 3D printing industry, with very high resolution full color printing in a structurally sound material. Update 2 30 seconds later: A little more research shows that my invention is already commercially sold in industrial rapid prototyping machines. However there are not yet any hobbyist 3d printers available with this tech. From my preliminary research it’s looking like it’s doable to change that. A $250,000 dollar industrial machine could be made into a $2500 hobbyist version. And eventually into a sub $1000 version.

Now to get it done. Hiring the tech people in Indonesia will be a huge challenge. I have resumes on hand for the engineers, but I’m not confident that any in Indonesia are qualified for this level of complexity. I’m already looking at incorporating in Bulgaria.

There are a few other 3d printer ideas that I’ve come up with since yesterday that I’m more likely to be able to complete here that the market is ready for. Looking over what is already out there and expanding the knowledge with google fu and holding many ideas in the creative ultra-parallel unconcious mind at once shows how various technologies and innovations can combine.

Posted in Uncategorized | 10 Comments »

100 of my comments

Posted by xsplat on August 4, 2015

Here are comments I left on therationalmale.com blog in November of last year.

Comments from therationalmale.com/2014/11/14/mental-point-of-origin:

@Biff, I also have had experience with women in their teens or early twenties seeming to be affected by the status of the man.

One 21 year old girl here had a crush on me, even though there were two other westeners living in my same building were much more young and handsome. Apparently me being their boss and the boss of the shophouse here had a big effect.

The stages of mating broad outline works well, but I don’t see it applying always and cross culturally.

A lot of women want to marry and have kids as teenagers or in their early twenties also, and some of them also are very interested in status.

That 21 year old was the live in maid, by the way. I never touched her as I didn’t find her attractive enough. But it was a lesson to me how local status can have an affect on attraction.

By the way it’s been studied that an increase in testosterone will correlate with an increase in selfishness.

Giving the woman commands regularly is a great way to show her of your self interest – and this can get her to not only view you as her leader, but also to start to view attending to you has rituals of devotion.

Hierarchy can be used to great advantage also withing the relationship with the girl.

@ Biff, I was watching a documentary last night that included stories of rich playboys in the 1800s. They would date 14 year olds, and this was considered the norm.

Their wealth apparently had a huge influence on who they could date, back in those days. There are many stories of famous or wealthy men older men getting better access to youth and beauty than the younger hot guys, throughout history.

So I don’t know how data like that fits into the schedules of mating blueprint. I do agree generally with that blueprint, but I don’t think we need to squeeze the square pegs into round holes in order to make it work.

I agree with you Biff that for some women status itself is sexually attractive, in a hindbrain way – regardless of their schedule. And also the schedule may not be the same for all women – it may turn out that some younger women have stronger maternal or other instincts, even at their younger ages. Also cultural influences will affect things a lot – in some places a girl is an old maid if not married by 21, and in those places she does not choose the bad boy to marry.

And along the same line, I think that our mental maps can be too rigid regarding the rules of what to expect from women.

If it’s true that at least some women are turned on in a hindbrain way by relative status and power, it can also be true that the power to provision is not necessarily only in the category of “beta bucks”.

Money can be a tool of power used to promote genuine desire.

That’s not to dispute the general overal concept of alpha-bucks/beta-bucks. But it is to refine the idea to include alternate uses of wealth and social power that do necessarily fit into the beta-bux category.

@Bango Tango, I wonder how much behavior alone would affect the woman’s attitude towards you.

There are many (myself included) who claim that behavior alone can get a man the same treatment that is usually reserved for the tall handsome hard-bodies – at least with some women

@Bango, I agree, women prioritize their values differently. Some girls are all about the hawtness, and there is nothing more to say about it.

And I agree that the very subtle alpha/beta or whatever cues we give can not all be known to us. I think we can learn charisma over time, and that it’s an endless process. However as we do we grow older and uglier.

For any particular girl we might not have the power to push her buttons, but I think that charisma and actions, as well as our social positioning and other aspects of our life we have power over such as fitness and style, can be effective enough in a minority of girls, such that a skilled man can get the alpha treatment. Not from as many girls, but from some.

@badpainter “It’s my understanding you can only expect them to trade up, or always be looking to, when the opportunity and desire coincide. Otherwise I have zero expectations.”

I understand that we all have some innate advantages and disadvantages in the sexual marketplace. Some of us are ugly and balding (me). Some of us are not too bright, or have a touch of the ass-burgers, and so will never come across as socially on the ball. Some people grew up with not much testosterone during fetal development, and so lack testosteronized brains, and will never be able to think like a man. Some guys don’t have enough drive to overcome their manboobed inertia.

So indeed, we may not all have the choice to use red pill truths in order to be in that top 10% and get the alpha treatment from attractive women.

But it none the less seems to me as a waste of potential for people to use red pill ideas just to classify themselves as beta losers incapable of maintaining attraction for long enough to bother.

@10×10 . Great comment. There was a time when Roissy’s voice was predominant in the manosphere, and he over-emphasized game. I disagreed and kept putting forth the same conception that you outlined above; the confluence of overlapping traits making up a total value.

It took a long time but that conception is now more dominant.

But there was still resistance in other places to including other values into what raises overall value. Values such as money. Money to women is the same as tits to men. Men will be attracted to women with small tits, and some value tits less than others, but overall men find tits to add to attraction.

Every now and then even the greatest writers will be just slightly off in one or another portion of their mental map. Usually it’s harmless, but sometimes it’s not – for instance the notion that dark triad traits are the best seduction tool is pernicious – so poisonous that it can fuck up a man’s life. The confidence is king meme can lead a man to neglect his future.

But everywhere in the world, including all message boards and blog comment sections, going against the memes of the leaders and their followers will be met with resistance.

On this blog I see just a very few slight mis-steps. One is a rigidity in women’s stages of mating. Another is a lack of inclusion of finances into overall value and thus hind-brain physical attraction. Another is a lack of personal experience with using strong lust as a tool to create lust – or escalating in the face of resistance. I wish I could remember where the studies are on that one, but it’s been scientifically studied, and we have all sorts of rapey women’s romance novels to show us how that works. And another is the difficulty in explaining mate guarding as an effective tool to spike and increase attraction, when done from the position of an attractive selfish man with hand.

Of course overall this blog is one of the best resources, and is my personal favorite, of all manosphere or red-pill related blogs. Incredibly well written and thought out, and great contributions in ideas and presentation.

Other ideas we are going to start to have to notice is how women are not homogenous in how they rate certain values in men. Some are more into looks, some more into social power, etc. And men are also very different in how much they prefer purity and fidelity. Our strategies on both sides are far from homogenous.

As women get turned on by men that other women want, it’s even cultural what traits some will value, and so what traits will get the physically wet, with genuine desire. In some places money is more valued – and that does not correlate with beta bucks.

So there is another problem with the mental map here – the alpha fucks beta bucks conception has the contrast turned way up and uses of money that arouse attraction are ignored or downplayed.

I know that in speaking to betas of the overall map, it’s difficult not to be cartoonish about it and paint in stark contrasts. However if one wants to do more than just accept betatude and work on increasing overall value in order to get the alpha treatment, he will need to know how to leverage all possible tools to do so. And that includes money, it includes escalation, and it includes mate guarding.

@Rollo and “alpha is not a demographic” and “Bear in mind this ‘maxim’ (if you want to call it that) was in response to the tendency of men (and women) to self-define Alpha to better fit their own image, or an idealization of a pro-social man.”

You may want to examine if you are lately sliding into the same tendency and defining the demographic according to your personal experiences.

For instance you never felt the need to strongly escalate, and so now seem to define alpha as not needing to strongly escalate.

There are ugly men who get the alpha treatment by high SMV attractive young women.

So if you want your mental map to be inclusive of as much data as possible, you’ll include looks as well all the other overall traits that add to a mans value and induce the alpha treatment.

So far you’ve had no experience with the value that women impute onto men who escalate hard. But you don’t necessarily need personal experience of it – there are thousands of romance books along that theme.

Yes, I know you count looks. I was suggesting that lately you’ve been over-counting them, and dis-counting aggressive dominance. Because you assume that if initial physical based attraction is not high at the beginning, then a man is not alpha, and you talk about dominant escalation as a beta move.

And of course your idea seems to be that money is only attractive to women in later stages of mating, and only from a beta bucks type of attraction, not sexual attraction.

Which does not include the data of sports cars turning young women on.

Rollo said:

“Alpha dominance, and confident escalation is definitely a component to that arousal, but the necessity to oversell it to a less than compliant woman is time better spent with a new prospect, don’t you think?”

No, and I think you are not really grasping my point.

A less than compliant woman becomes a more compliant woman through the very act of seduction.

You are implying that the seduction is done before she gets on the bed. If she isn’t fully complying by that point, then there is not enough “real” arousal.

I’m explaining to you that your worldview is so partial as to be incorrect.

The seduction and showing of male value continues even while on the bed.

The very act of escalation is a show of value that arouses the woman.

And no, it is ABSOLUTELY not more worthwhile to chuck out all the girls who give resistance!

I’ve moved many girls in on the first date, and some of them were initially resistant.

Overcoming that resistance – the very fact of OVERCOMING it – creates sustainable physical attraction and genuine arousal.

“What’s bothering you is the conflict between an organic genuine desire based on a woman’s arousal and having to negotiate for a mitigated desire based on her necessities. Is it better to be desired because she hot for you, or because she’s fearful of you?”

No, you are not listening.

That is what you are forced to think if you rigidly maintain your mental map. But your mental map is wrong.

I am not correcting your worldview as an ego protection. That argument is like government official claiming that any anti-war sentiment is anti-patriot. I am correcting your view of what is beta behavior, and you come back with – “oh, you are only doing that because deep down you fear being known to be a beta”.

No. Listen more carefully please. Your conception of what constitutes beta behavior is incorrect. You should correct it, in order to better be of use and value to all the men that you influence.

Fearful?! Am I miscommunicating so poorly that that word is what comes to your mind? Fearful?!!!!

Negotiated desire?!

You just aren’t listening.

Rollos said:

“Women don’t get turned on by expensive sports cars, they get turned on by what they represent and the emotional association they get from the thrill of riding and being seen in one. Conspicuous consumption is a tingle inducement for most women.”

My point is that wealth can be used in ways that create genuine hind-brain non-negatiated desire in women who are not in later stages of mating.

My point is that the alpha-fucks/beta bucks dichotomy can be misused to give a false view of the value of money to men who want to arouse young women.

I could give example after example of how my escalation style, which includes pushing past boundaries, in alternation with backing off and letting the woman come to me, has led to forming extremely strong desire and bonding.

I have given the examples. Here and on my blog.

At this time in my life I have 5 women in my life. One of them has been very close to me for over 7 years. On the first date she was screaming at the top of her lungs while I was pulling her pants off.

There was nothing negotiated about her long term desire for me, and nothing fearful in her attitude towards me. She is deeply bonded to me, even to this day, and we don’t even fuck anymore.

Another of the girls has been with me for over four years, and I basically had to rape her (with her consent) to take her virginity. We have extremely passionate sex, even to this day. Yesterday I fucked two of my girls, and on some days I can fuck three, if I choose.

And a long distance fling was reticent on our second meeting, but due to my seduction style she again is very interested in me and now again texts me about meeting up, missing me, marriage, etc.

I have personal data after data after data. But like I keep saying, you needn’t rely on my anecdotes. Thousands of romance novels agree. It is built into the female psyche to see the very act of sexual escalation itself, and not just all the calculations of value that lead up to the final yes, as a very important display of the mans genuine worth as a mate.

Genuine, non-negotiated, sustained hind-brain desire can be invoked in women during the sexual escalation process.

Rollo said:

“Do you think your experiences with women in Southeast Asia have had an influence on your perspective of Game?

Let’s be honest, the context you consider escalation and dominance has to be colored by the necessity of the women you bed.

I’m not saying your wrong in your assessment, just that your particular conditions there may lead you to think they’re reflective of a larger picture.”

I’m not operating in a vacuum here.

Do you think all the locals have no money?

Do you think I’m the only westerner here?

In any location there is going to be intense competition for hot girls.

I’ve never found any hot girl anywhere who didn’t have richer and more handsome competition currently in contact with her.

They don’t stay with the guys who don’t sexually escalate. And again, I have story after story about it.

Other westerners who don’t boldly sexually escalate don’t initiate enough attraction nor maintain it.

I can give story after story about the competition I’ve blown out of the water. Younger, richer, taller.

I’ve read many of his posts, and he makes a lot of strong points.

It’s unbalanced though.

It’s known that a man’s looks can grow on a woman, through familiarity. So an ugly guy can grow on a woman, like a fungus.

The initial physical attraction makes a huge difference. I don’t do well at nightclubs, and would never even both with tinder. I struggle to get even a single online date.

But in person to person there are non-physical traits that can invoke genuine non negotiated pussy wetening orgasm producing desire.

A properly fucked girl will come back to the ugly man, and a girl who is bonded to a dominant man will stay bonded despite all the hard bodies at the club.

I know this from personal experience, over and over with many hot girls.

And again – it’s not a vacuum out here. What works is what works. Looks alone are not the only thing that works. An ugly man can compete, and win.

And I’m going to just keep hitting on the same point over and over. A very valuable component to showing value that arouses genuine desire is a mans seduction prowess. And a very important component of his seduction prowess is his finesse at escalating past boundaries.

And Rollo, be cautious about setting up unfalsifiable world views.

There are people who believe that everything is purely a mental construct, and therefore if you believe hard enough, you can literally fly. For them the fact that nobody is seen to be flying is therefore proof that nobody believes hard enough.

You’re setting up these systems in which you proclaim what is a beta behavior. Anybody who shows evidence otherwise is therefore a beta fighting against being known for his true beta nature.

It looks like you are lately slipping into the belief that Alphas are the alpha foremost by looks. There is ample evidence that you must be aware of that this is not necessarily the case. Often the case, yes. Usually the case, probably. Always the case? No.

If a man wants to date women two, three, four or more points above his physical attractiveness level, and receive the genuine full out alpha treatment, it is possible.

Now if you therefore believe that it MUST be negotiated desire, and MUST be caused by fear, regardless if all the outward signs match up exactly with your definition for what constitutes being treated as the genuinely desired alpha man, then your views are unfalsifiable.

So it’s been implied that anyone who escalates while their is resistance is “negotiating desire”, or ruling through “fear”. That escalation during resistance is means that the man is not even desired, and therefore during and after the escalation and sex will remain not desired. And therefore that he should just find a woman who really desires him, instead of being such a beta.

So if the the logic is that escalation in the face of resistance is beta, then I’m going to use the same logic and turn it around.

Anyone who truly believes that no means no has very a very poor understanding of women, when it comes to fucking them.

It’s been studied that women’s estimation of a man’s attraction can dramatically change after long exposure to his face.

Several of my girlfriends would initially call me ugly to my face, but after long association would later tell me that they now considered me handsome.

One girl last night, who I’ve been with for over a year, compared me to Prince Charles.

Any salesman will tell you that no interest in a product only means that the customer is not yet aware of how much interest she can have.

Having the frame of reference that desire is a pre-ordained snap judment thing, and after that it’s done, is not only flat out incorrect, it’s cock blocking yourself.

Interest can be developed.

And every hurdle you pass cements more interest. And if you can fuck worth a damn, then passing that hurdle can cement a great deal of attraction.

Your actual face will look better.

Snap judments about “genuine” desire are an invalid mental model.

A better model is that genuine hind-brain desire can be cultivated.

Sometimes people say that what works in SEA is not applicable to what works in the USA.

While there are some important differences, the foundation of dealing with women remains the same even across the races and cultures.

But where there are differences, if someones mental model can not account for them, but instead must wholesale dismiss all data from other countries, then it is THAT mental map which is not taking in the wider view.

There are vast cultural differences just within the US. Within any high school in the world there will be vast cultural differences – geeks and jocks and sluts and prudes.

The foundational truths are universal – and whenever something is not universal, if you can’t account for why it works in one place and not in another then your model is not a model of WOMEN. It is a model about what works for some people in a certain time and place.

Here in Indonesia the local girls always tell me, with such certaintainty that it’s completely impossible to argue them out of it, that
1) western men prefer dark Indonesians
2) western men prefer ugly Indonesians

I’ve never met any man in SEA who does anything even close to what I do.

The older guys tend to be with uglier, darker, older girls.

They get what they can get. They don’t shoot WAY out of their league, and they don’t make the girls fall in love. They tend to have wallet funded short term associations, or trade commitment for association.

Just because I’m here in this location, don’t assume that I’m doing the same game.

The game is not defined by the location.

When I walk in the mall with one of my hotties, it stands out as really unusual. People never see such contrasts in SMV. They just don’t – it doesn’t happen.

And so most people assume, according to their mental maps, that the girl MUST be a prostitute.

Never mind that everytime the girl comes home from shopping she’ll proclaim how much she missed me. Never mind that everytime I come home she’ll remove my shoes for me, and get insulted if I try to do it myself. Never mind if she tells me 20 times a day that she loves me.


She MUST be a prostitute.

Because it’s IMPOSSIBLE to have such SMV disparity.

Nobody does what I do out here. Over and over, year after year and decade after decade.

And while greater age disparities are more accepted out here, they are also very uncommon. The locals tend to date within about 5 years of each other, but allow a bit more for inter-cultural pairings.

But without question, every girl I’ve ever dated has had all her friends tell her, loudly and over and over, that I’m way too old and ugly for her, and that she can and should do better, and to dump me now.

You don’t just get a free pussy pass to the hottest and best. You get major pushback, from all of society and all the girls friends and usually family too.

For a guy like me It’s useless to approach groups of girls in a mall. I have to have her isolated in order for my voodoo charms to work, as the peer pressure of friends won’t allow any one girl to associate with me.

Guys who think that hot girls date any old westerner just for a financial leg up haven’t tried to date hot girls. Hot girls have options. Anywhere. In any coconut grove village the beauty queen will have local and international suitors.

Youth and beauty is a scarce commodity, and every beautiful virgin in every location on the earth instinctively knows her value.

And her value can be in millions of dollars. These girls are not so easy to get.

Rollo is correct in his “genuine desire cannot be negotiated” maxim. But what he’s saying in these comments is that if you have to compensate via excessive dominance or by material possessions, then her sexual desire isn’t genuinely based off her wanting you. It’s either based off fear (by excessive dominance) or her gaining something from you (material possessions).

See, that’s the exact problem right there.

With a strict mental map that doesn’t account for the interplay of variables, you can come up with such a profoundly wrong conclusion.

Material possessions are NOT only useful for “negotiating” a non-real desire that leads to tepid sex.

Dominance is NOT used as fear to force a tepid desireless sex.

The mental map is grossly off the mark – you feed in correct data into that mental map and you get out garbage.

I have incredibly great top notch sex with my girls, and they are extraodinarily enthusiastic. One girl routinely eats my asshole just to show her total devotion.

Dominance is sexually attractive. Say it with me, people. Dominance. is. sexually. attractive.

Status is sexually attractive. Come one everyone. Status. is. sexually. attractive.

@Softek, regarding how to escalate, I’ll try to put down a few thoughts. I expect my efforts to paint an accurate picture will be more like a child’s fingerpainting; it’s not easy to describe what is mostly unconscious embodied knowledge.

A few weeks ago I had a date with a 17 year old beauty queen. She was bold enough to put an hours attention into her makeup and dress hot, and she came straight up to my room, so it was my situation to fuck up, but there was no guarantee provided.

At first we just sat on the edge of my bed, chatting. I was openly nervous, and both of us kept commenting on it. She was so hot that it was a bit uncomfortable to look straight in her face – I think most of us have experienced the anxiety that comes from looking at a true hottie way out of our league.

But there is no shame in being nervous. It just added to the energy between us. Because I’ve been through this same ritual over and over with many women, most usually successfully, I was deep down completely at ease, even while being nervous. I was at ease with being nervous. Being nervous was not a problem that needed to be corrected; being nervous is perfectly fine.

We just took turns asking and answering questions about each other, but from the get go I initiated touch. The body is talking, the face is talking, the eyes are talking. The words are carrier tones to the deeper signals.

It’s possible to even do the entire dance if the two of you don’t speak the same language. I did that a few weeks later with another 17 year old.

So at first I just sit near her, perhaps knees touching. Quickly I put my hands on her leg, totally un-self-consciously, as if that’s completely natural and to be expected in such a situation. Because it is. She came up to my hotel room – of course I’m going to be familiar.

Either her or I initiated holding hands, I can’t recall. Then later I might informally cross my legs with mine over her. Now we’re starting to have the body language of people who accept a familiarity with each other. The bodies are creating a shared physical mood. We are sharing the same space; intertwining.

And the eyes are starting to share the same space – intertwining such that we can melt into each other.

Later I might move my hand up her legs over her ass, and she might pull them down. Her body language is saying “No! That’s off limits to you. We are not THAT familiar yet! You don’t have a pass.”

But I just put my hand right back. Immediately, as if her resistance either didn’t happen, or didn’t mean anything.

She pushes down again, and I just go back.

I sense what attraction is there, and I understand her resistance, and what her resistance means. It does not mean “I’m not attracted to you and don’t want to have sex with you.” It means “I have not yet given you the green light to have sex with me, and that is going to by my choice.”

But I know that touching her in that fashion is going to have an effect. And it does.

Not much later I undo her bra, in a surprise move. Same thing; she goes to put it back on. Shortly after I undo it again. I’m very good at quickly removing bras with one hand. I’ve done it a lot. I don’t have to struggle with it.

So this time she let’s the bra be undone. Then I complain that her shirt is evil, and has to come off.

She hesitates, looks me in the eye, finds my face to be happy and at ease, and she feels comfortable with me. She is having fun and it’s a good time. Ok, she takes her shirt off.

Shortly after that I open up her pants. And then I pull her pants off. Maybe she resists a bit. I’m also expert at taking off pants. You have to pull them off over the waist a bit first, but then pull from the heels.

After that she just dives in and goes for it.

Oh, wait, no, she was bleeding. So at first it’s – “no sex, because I’m bleeding”.

I’m like “I don’t care. Let the hotel staff clean up the mess, it’s not my problem”

So that goes on for about five minutes.

And then it turns out that I don’t have a condom.

So we go out of the hotel, and spend 1/2 hour driving around trying to find a place that’s still open to sell condoms.

And after that we go upstairs and fuck like porn stars. She even recorded some of it on her cell phone and sent it to me the next day.

Oh, and that girl claims to only have ever had one cock inside her, and claims that usually guys who get her in the same situation don’t ever get her naked.

I can’t know how much of that is true, but she did convince me that she was not an easy slut.

She never took any money or gifts from me. She seemed completely uninterested in anything financial.

Later in the week I was back in my own town in Indonesia, and she’s texting me about moving in with me. Then after that she says that her sister totally hates me and stole her phone to keep her out of touch with me and that she can never see me again.

So I took 40 minutes on the phone to convince her to have one last brief meet up at a restaurant.

She finally conceded, and I flew back up.

She was adament that it was totally over. For about 20 minutes. After which we where fucking.

There was a great deal more resistance the 2nd time. None of which meant that she didn’t want to fuck me.

I’m still in touch with the girl, and sometimes she texts me that she misses me, and bullshits around with flirty messages about wanting to marry me. We both expect to meet up again. This time I’ll try to record some of the sex properly.

Oh, and it was explained that the reason why her sister hates me is because I’m old and ugly.

Damned cock-blocking fem-borg.

If I get a girl isolated, I can do very well. Never understimate the power of charm.

Many girls have told me, many times, that I’m an unusually charming man. “You can charm the pants off of any woman”, etc, etc.

It’s true that a girl might be into your looks because you remind her of that older guy she once dated. But don’t forget – some ugly guy had to be first. Some guy got in there who reminded her of no one at all.

I’ve been that guy, and I am that guy. I don’t have to remind a hot girl of some other guy. Charm alone can be very persuasive, but add fucking skills and it’s much more so. Add finances and romance and you can compete with younger, taller, richer, more handsome men with more hair.

“Can we separate dominance from status?”

There is an interplay of variables, and that is what confounds most of the simpler mental maps.

The variables are distinct, yet additive and subtractive and holistic.

Muscles alone are attractive. And having them will ALSO increase confidence, which is a SEPARATELY attractive trait.

The system is so holistic that merely upping your status in one area will have ripple effects into others.

And the ripples will show up in tiny micromovements of your face. Getting laid by an attractive woman and having a few others on the side will affect how a man deals even with a super hot girl who he become incredibly infatuated with. And all his previous experience and all of his social and financial support systems will all display themselves subtly in his demeanor.

What we create out of our environment – our business and social and family and sex and martial arts and musical lives – all emanate out of our demeanor. It’s a holistic system. Gains and losses in any portion can affect gains and losses in others.

So yes, increased status directly affects our sense of dominance. And vice versa. And they are also distinct.

And what especially confounds the simpler mental maps is where there is crossover between different categories of attractive traits.

For instance we can make the two different broad categories of attraction that women can feel – for safe long term provisioning, or for sperm from a dominant and physically attractive man. And the we can associate provisioning with money, and therefore categorize all things to do with money with turning on only that type of attraction in a woman – the attraction for provisioning.

But there are crossovers and interplays.

Money can also be used and interpreted to signal dominance and even good genes. Successful people are often successful because they are in some respects superior; they competed in an open market and won the competition. They are the winners, and will produce winners. Money and social dominance can intertwine. Money and fun can intertwine. Money and social access can intertwine.

And so the simpler mental maps can wind up giving dramatically incorrect outputs for perfectly good inputs of data.

It’s fine to occasionally make stated allowances for various variables. But our deeper internalized assumptions come out in how we process the data into the final conclusion. For instance Heartiste can eventually and finally admit that muscles by themselves are inherently attractive, independent of confidence, but doing so won’t change how he processes data – he fundamentally still believes that everything ultimately and only boils down to confidence.

It’s difficult to have true knowledge of something without true personal experience of it. Can a man who has never sexually escalated in the face of resistance be able to properly interpret data about such events? Or will he fall back to his gut feeling interpretation, no matter what allowances he is forced to concede on the matter in regards to the fact that yes, a great many people do and have talked about no not meaning no and the value of sexual escalation for hundreds if not thousands of years.

And the interplay of the variables is also difficult for some people to grok, because they may simply have never needed to. A handsome guy in a rock band has absolutely no need to understand how finances can up his game.

We can come to the wrong – completely backwards – conclusions, using our gut feelings.

Truly understanding how all the variable fit and work together requires actually dating girls, consistently, in many different situations and from many different advantages and losses.

Date them as a poor man. Date them as a skinny man. Date them as a rich man. Date them as a buff man. Date them in this country. Date them in that country.

It’s not really possible to be an armchair philosopher, and still have the gut process the information accurately. That requires experience.

I think its why people meet me and say I’m really attractive, yet a picture never captures it and people say I “came out bad”. Nope, thats really me- very much a 5 or less. But I have spirit and energy that attracts.

@Hobbes, yes.

The girls I’m with will take photos of us together. They will be all enthused because when they are with me they feel a lot of attraction.

But when they see the picture they complain that “I ruined it”. The camera never captures what the girl sees.

Tindermaster said: Men do not do this to women (as often). When a man fucks, he fucks and really lets loose on his chick no holds barred. But women are not the same in this regard. She is selective with who she unleashes her primal desire with and that’s what guys are getting at here. Do you honestly think a chick fucks a beta with the same tenacity as an alpha?
I’m talking about a man she views as a genuine alpha here. Whether a guy fucks a cute girl or hot girl ( if his test levels are normal), his genuine desire for both is still there. You can’t say the same for girls. Banging chicks with boyfriends made me realize that most girls simply tolerate most men until something better comes along.

Hobbes said:
“Do you honestly think a chick fucks a beta with the same tenacity as an alpha?”
actually, yes. I’ve had women dripping and letting loose thorughout my life. Are you so hung up on your looks you think only betas, or uglier men are cheated on? lol or get a woman really hot and bothered?
I understand what you’re trying to say, I am telling you, as a 5, that you are wrong. Simple. Plain. My experiences disprove your statements. I don’t know how else to say it.
Notice I do not deny the role of looks, nor does anything I say discount your experiences.. but what you are trying pass off as truth, is disproved by several posters experiences.. and if you chose to look around, you’d see it everywhere as well. I can count several guys in my lifetime who were average looks and drove girls crazy.
Crap, I’ve even competed on several occasions with much much hotter guys than me and got the girl- and these guys were going for them too, not just laying back.
To buy what you’re saying I have to discount all of that. Xsplat is right when he says that you are allowing your experiences, what you live to become the Law of the Land.. it’s filtering your perceptions.
Again I do not deny that more women throw themselves at alphas, I do not deny that women desire them the way we desire models. Bu yo are trying to deny my lived experiences.
It’s actually quite egotistical- which I’m sure ups your success rate- women love that confident arrogance.. but you are kidding yourself if you think only good looking guys get women wet and horny and wild and get great sex. So, so kidding yourself.

@ Tinder Master. You’ll have to give a more specific question as I can’t see which part was unclear.

But I’m disagreeing with “if you have to compensate via excessive dominance or by material possessions, ”

We play to our strengths. Is having a handsome face compensating for a small dick? Dominance is attractive – compensation doesn’t come into it. It is, in and of itself, attractive.

If dominance raises the overall value of the man enough such that invokes genuine desire, then perfect. Strength played to.

And the same for material possessions. Wealth can be attractive and increase the overall value of the man past the threshold onto which he receives genuine sexual desire from the woman. Is that a compensation? Is working out at the gym a compensation? Is getting a good haircut a compensation? Is learning social skills a compensation?

It’s an additive factor, that can help to ameliorate deficits in other areas, yes.

But it is NOT a sign of transactional sex.

I wonder if a properly fucked girl is inclined to cry regret-rape.

I’ve never had any experience of regret sex. Ever. I have no idea what people are talking about.

After sex girls want more sex. Always.

@D-man, I plan on some cosmetic facial surgery this year, and one of my girlfriends keeps objecting. I poked fun at her that it was because she knows I’ll become more attractive to the competition, and she at first denied it. But now she’s open about it and wails “I don’t want you attractive to young girls!”

And she is only 25 – she means she doesn’t want me to keep up my habit of dating teenagers and early twenty somethings. My newest girl is over thirty years younger than me.

By the way if I am to keep up this lifestyle it’s going to require very creative ways to get social access. Online dating isn’t doing it anymore. And to that end I’m developing entire businesses that give me social access in the best possible situations with a large and continuous pipeline of young model quality girls.

A lot of guys think that the solution is to give up. I don’t think that’s the best solution at all. There are solutions that require more effort and more time that can work.

@Softek, I used to suffer from manic depression, OCD, anorexia, and social anxiety. I also learned about hypnosis, starting at about age 12. At age 16 I discovered meditation and noticed some important differences between the two mind training techniques.

While hypnosis is very useful for dealing with beliefs, meditation can deal with mindfully re-training ones direct momentary experience.

It was at 16 that I also discovered body the body centered meditation including hatha yoga. Also some of the self-hypnotic routines I did were body centered meditations; especially feeling love physically in areas of the body.

Later in life I learned chi-kung, which is another body-centered meditation, which I found to be very powerful and important, and practice to this day.

For self improvement and getting over old habits, you may want to look into these other approaches. Beliefs are important, but there are other approaches that will help a great deal in other ways.

Oh, I also used to have runaway thoughts, and would sometimes crave peace from them. At times they even were close to voices in my head. The neurosis was so painful as to be a living hell and I’d think of suicide occasionally. And I had another condition, and I forget the name, where the russling of paper would give me the chills.

It was the meditation that had the strongest effect on all of that, and all of that, including the worst of the social anxiety, went away by about the age of 21, after many long meditation retreats.

While other people were out at college getting their career in order, I was out in a Buddhist monastery and in distant isolated forest hunters shacks or in a tent in an isolated sea-shore field or in big meditation centers, working to get my head in order.

As an investment in my future, the meditation was far superior to working on a career.

Later I worked on building up my own businesses, and that took decades to get off the ground. But the foundations for me were really worth the investment – taking the time out to just focus on meditation. I did that for several years.

Softek said: “I’ve pretty much struggled with suicidal thoughts almost daily since I was 12 or 13,”

Ya, I was mostly normal, except for very minor OCD, up until puberty as well.

You mentioned studying Buddhist material. Did you also regularly practice a meditation, such as sitting still and following the breath, or mantra, or similar? My gains in wellbeing took an extra-ordinary and long term effort. I’ve met very few people who have put in similar hours. Doing that was also of course not without risks and side effects. At one point I was seeing the guru pictures in 3-d and thought they were embodied by the presence of real gurus. He he. And I was very hard core about not caring about worldly things. I took it all quite seriously, and really did my very best.

And some of the most extra-ordinary gains were temporary or came back in fits and spurts.

And it took years just to even begin to get a real vipassana style formless meditation of just resting the mind.

And much of the meditation was truly arduous.

But none-the-less, some dramatic personality and wellbeing changes did happen. I am nothing today like the troubled teen I was. Nowadays my inner voice spontaneously proclaims “I’m so happy”. That’s what I just said to myself not 5 minutes ago. And I wasn’t trying to tell myself some self improvement story. I really am so happy that those words just naturally burst out of my mind.

So ya, neuroplasticity is real, and great and lasting long term changes are possible. It can be a long grueling process that requires intense willpower though.

Oh, and I had a nervous breakdown too – even after most of my heavier meditation. That was due to the stresses of living with a BPD wife. The nervous breakdown is what got me out of there; I realized I had the option of staying with her and go crazy, or leave.

It took about a year for my nervous system to recover.

And I’ve had periods of needing anti-anxiety medicine. Moving to SEA fixed that – the pace here is easier, and you can get by on less, so there is less stress of what happens if things fall apart financially. Oh, and the regular sex with young women helps more than I can explain. For everything. That’s huge.

And comments on the next post http://therationalmale.com/2014/11/17/boundaries/

@WaterUnderTheFridge , deciding which acts are despicable or not doesn’t actually carry any influence.

We tend to think that it does, but that’s an error.

People don’t really care what we think about them. They care about the consequences of our actions.

And women are not integral or integrated. They are segmented, like an orange. Their ego is one thing among certain peers, and another thing in different circumstances. They barely have an ego, as men understand it. So don’t expect integrity from them; it’s impossible. They don’t have it.

Our emotional reactions to other people actually carry very little weight. Social pressure carries very little weight.

What matters is consequences.

@watercannon: “Then she told them she doesn’t know why he would get mad, it’s not like she’s ever going to meet him.”

It’s a shit test, of sorts. His anger is mismanaged, as you said. He’d do better like you said, to do tit for tat and tease her in turn.

Actually, you do it in stages
1) ignore
2) tell her to stop doing that particular shit test, because it is rude. She can do that in private if she has to (contacting guys on her phone in front of you, looking at online dating sites in front of you, etc)
3) call other girls in front of her in return
4) get physical – hang up her phone, give her a hard spank, etc
5) scream
5) threaten to abandon
6) abandon

And in all stages humor and misdirection can be used to diffuse the situation.

But shit tests can escalate into emotional abuse, and so the man really must get emotionally and even physically violent to prevent being treated like a shit stained doormat.

And the notion that we can just casually next any girl if she messes up really isn’t in line with reality.

1) girls are not all of the same value to us – some girls are hotter, have better personalities, have a valuable history with us, are trained up according to our desires, have a superior sexual chemistry with us, etc. Girls are not equal and replacable like gears for a gear box – they are all different sizes and shapes and don’t match our needs in the same way
2) Not all relationships are fuck buddy relationships. You are not an alpha by virtue of only having fuck buddy relationships. Some relationships have deep personal bonds value and meaning to the man.
3) It is unrealistic to assume that even the most alpha and desired of men is going to constantly maintain a full pipeline of girls of the same quality as the girls the guy is currently in relationship with
4) maintaining a relationship will certainly have moments of drama, and is certainly an ongoing investment in time. However as a cost of hours and emotional and financial outlay per sex act and other benefits, it’s far more cost effective than getting new girls.

Yes, maintaining and increasing attraction is worth it, and far superior to nexting, in most circumstances. If you are actually into the girl.

There are also a great many stories online of guys who were once treated as betas by their wives, who successfully turned things around.

So for them it was certainly not better to just dump a girl who wasn’t really into him and spend his efforts on getting a new girl. They were able to CULTIVATE attraction.

Attraction is not just a given thing, set in stone and done, at the first glance. You are not an Alpha or Not-an-Alpha.

They cultivated genuine sexual desire. Over time. And it was worth the investment.

We can decrease the risks of cheating. Decrease the risks of having our property stolen. But we can’t eliminate them, as far as I know.

Risk management and reward management.

I’ve been able to learn of some of the more extreme rewards that women can provide, and I find such a vast life improvement, that I’ve found it important to be able to stay in the game and minimize as much risk as possible while still getting as much reward as possible.

But there is always risk. I fully expect losses as built right into the very fabric of the game.

@jf12 , I have no first hand knowledge of what happened with the guys who claim to have increased the frequency and quality of sex and lessened the strife with their wives. But I know that in my life the act of laying down boundaries and expectations does not all happen on the first date. So the framework of a cultivated sexual response to a cultivated alpha persona is in line with my personal experience.

Now of course by now I lay a lot down immediately – in fact that’s a big part of my fast seduction style – to act from very early on as if we are already familiar. People very quickly fall into familiarity. Sexual familiarity, as well as couple-dynamic familiarity. In the first fucking session people can make love, as well as grunt fuck. It doesn’t take long habituation.

But still, some things take time, and some dynamics are cultivated.

And some of those cultivated dynamics lead to the woman treating the man with all the signature alpha-sucking-up-to tells, such as sucking his dick in public.

Treat em mean to keep em keen.

Ya, but 80 or 90% of the time they have to feel warm and comfortable with you.

Yes, you can’t be honey all the time, and even vinegar is not always harsh enough.

bbb said:
Assault, battery, sexual assault, sexual battery, and statutory rape are against the law. Sure, definitions can be parsed by jurisdiction, but the fact remains that NOBODY should behave in a manner that could be construed (even if factually innocent) as any of these things.

Man, you are such a fan of hyperbole and exaggeration.

I mention a spank and unhooking bras and sex with a 17 year old and you bring up all these completely unrelated things, such as sex with a minor, sexual assault, sexual battery, etc.

We don’t have to tip toe around so cautiously. Stop making shit up.

In my country the legal age of consent is 16, by the way.

The girl told me she was nineteen, and will be eighteen in a few months. I have nothing against her being 17. Not a damned thing.

If I date a 21 year old for five years, in five years she’ll be 26. Have you ever compared a 26 year old ass against a 21 year old ass?

In 5 years the 17 year old will be 22.

It’s no wonder that people in the US, Europe, and every fucking where else on the whole planet used to marry women of the age of fourteen not that long ago historicically and since for ever.

Regarding Charles Bukowski game, that short temper can be a byproduct of long heavy drinking.

It’s been about five years since I was a regular drinker – I drink less than once a month now – but I’m very familiar with the drinkers short fuse. I look at that clip and just smirk. Most guys would not be able to intuit the response to expect to such actions. A fiery temper is base and crass. Cave man. That not holding back instant expression of primal emotions tends to elicit some primal responses. I’m not sure if 1 in 100 guys can intuit what those responses are. You pretty well have to live through that lifestyle to know it.

But from previously being a heavy drinker who didn’t work hard to moderate his emotions, I did learn that that style was personally valuable, and so have for the most part kept that style – although now as a sober man.

Cave man emotions. It just works.

Here is an example of my Charles Bukowski style game. (I’ve never read his books and that’s the only clip of him I’ve ever seen).

Two nights ago my new 17 year old came over late. She had been clubbing and had a few drinks, and fucked me like a wild animal possessed by the spirit of another wild animal. In the morning she was unresponsive and distant.

That pissed me off.

So after five minutes of gently trying to get some action started, I just got up, pulled my shorts over my lubed dick, and started walking out.

She clung to my t-shirt and physically tried to prevent me from going. She kept pulling at me, following me down the stairs naked, from the 4th floor of the building that I rent all the way down to the 2nd floor. I gave her a nice wave goodbuy before I left and walked over to fuck my 18 year old.

She visited again last night, and asked me where I went. “Out.”

“You were with a girl, weren’t you!”

“I was just out.”

The next morning she was again a bit cold and distant, but I just lay on the bed, and let her come to me. She casually started arousing me, and then I locked the door and manhandled her into a long and rough and later mutually intense fuck. After that she cuddled with me as I slept for a few hours.

That’s the kind of thing that I mean about developing actual real desire through dominance. Ya, in a way it’s treating the girl like shit. But it’s not though. It’s treating her in a way that she knows she no choice but to respect you and treat you well.

And that makes her happier. She will be happier treating a man well. Even if she is being treated a bit like shit, some of the time.

And events like that also give me much more leeway to be sweet and romantic. As long as you have balance you don’t have to worry so much about being overly beta, some of the time. And then the more romantic stuff is really appreciated. Wow! He sent me an SMS! He really cares!

Oh, and a few days ago I had left her asleep in my bed to go visit a different girl, and came back with a heart and “I love you” drawn in pen on my belly. I forgot to wipe it off and she discovered it while I was naked with my belly near her face.

I turned around and quickly rubbed it off and claimed first “oh, it’s just dirt”, and then “oh, I drew it on myself”.

Both excuses were transparently lame. But I didn’t care how lame they were. I wasn’t trying to pretend they weren’t lame.

And I didn’t really see her seeing that as much of a problem, really.

thedeti said: The man and/or the relationship has to be high enough value to her such that worsening the relationship or losing it altogether is a less appealing choice than working to preserve it.

Yes, and this is another way in which the alpha bux/beta fuck dichotomy can break down.

A woman loves pragmatically. She will subconsciously calculate the mans value to her, as an overall picture. And this calculation will affect how much she fucks him and wants to suck his cock. And the calculation can include how much she needs his money.

Necessity is the mother of good blowjobs.

Now that might sound like manipulation, or it might sound like some economic exchange. But if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then isn’t it a duck? If the woman feels love and wants to suck cock, then who is to argue that her wanting the man’s financial support is some sort of cheating negotiation? Her hindbrain made the calculations, and her genuine pussy juice flowed egged on by those calculations.

I’m not denying the alpha fux beta bucks dichotomy. I’m just saying that there are overlaps and feedback loops that intersect between the two categories.

The man can become and feel and behave more dominant as part of his increased income. He can use the money in sexually attractive ways, such as by throwing parties where he is top social dog, having greater free time and better social positioning, and on and on.

So it’s not just that wealth can increase status and confidence, but the increased lifestyle can cause subconscious calculations that feed into the hypocampus and whisper “release the pussy juice”.

@Hobbes “The only security is no commitment. Thats it.”

Isn’t that similar to saying that the only way to insure your bank account against loss is to have no funds in it to begin with?

Comments from http://therationalmale.com/2014/12/05/teach-your-children-well/

@BC re Briffaults Law, from https://xsplat.wordpress.com/2013/05/28/how-to-keep-a-woman-in-aquisitive-mode/

People have positive emotions to you in relation to the value that you add to their life. So with a girl her emotions will be swayed in a positive direction the more you add value in any domain, such as;
1) Financial – if she is financially dependent on you that hand over her quality of life will translate into her loving you more
2) Social – if you and your social circle are a main part of her social life that hand over her quality of life will translate into her loving you more.
3) Sexual – if you fuck her the way no man ever has and likely no man ever will ever again, bringing her to emotional and sexual depths and heights beyond compare regularly, then that hand over her quality of life will translate into her loving you more
4) Your status – if your status is well above all her other suitors, because you exhibit many status markers, such as wealth, fitness, social circle leadership, business leadership, community connections, and so on, then you will have hand over her future quality of life, because if she lost you she would lose her close connection and even self-identity with your status position.
5) Romantic – if you manipulate the moods in your shared space, injecting some dramas but keeping the general tone warm, positive and sexual, then she will associate all positive emotions with you. This will give you hand over her, as she will fear losing you, the focus of her good life.

Heyjey said: If we imply that 20% of the male population be alpha by default and you can’t change anything about it, women have to make sure all other men are thirsty beta providers awaiting to fulfill their part i.e. provisioning.

yes, women conspire to create the beta class of men.

It biologically hard wired into women to band together as a hive mind borg and create and maintain a caste system. This is not any artifact of modernity, or western modernity in particular.

It is instinctual and timeless and hard wired.

I wrote about that in 2012 “Women willfully create the beta class of men, and willfully keep them in the dark about there even being another class, and work hard to deny class mobility. By willful I don’t mean consciously – I mean willfully; they make a co-ordinated concerted effort to do so, and strongly oppose any countermeasures. “

@ Magnifque, I’m not following what you are saying. Are you saying that dealing with women can be a pain in the ass, that they cause needless drama, are financially and emotionally dangerous, and that sooner or later will leave you, taking whatever they can grab? And therefore that men can seek higher goals, and not waddle in the muck of feminine slime?

I believe that sustainable, if ultimately temporary, mutual benefit is possible with women.

It’s difficult to wring more reward out of women than pain. It’s difficult to seduce and maintain sexual tension and a love-slave relationship with attractive women. Sometimes it’s impossible. Wanting something impossible is more painful than not wanting something impossible.

But wanting something difficult is called motivation.

but what about your OWN individual positive emotions that are inner-generated? What happens when external beings no longer perceive you as “value-add” to their life? What then?

It’s not an either or thing.

I was in Bali last week, away from my lovers. Although I did score one date that went well, at the end of the week I was suffering from severe sex and love withdrawal. Very anxious, could not focus.

I also did a lot of meditation and chi-kung that week, and the contemplative practices enriched my life.

We are mutually entwined and engaged, and no amount of forest meditation will ever cure a human of the fundamental disease of being interconnected with other people.

Our happiness, even while alone in our room, depends upon and is contingent upon our social happiness.

We are never alone. Everything that we are is enmeshed.

The trick is to be a nexus of value such that the enmeshing is mutually enriching.

What happens when the only thing remaining in your domain is *you*? What then? . . . . . . it happens, c’est la vie. . . . . . to the best of us.

You mean if we are broke? I was flat broke for the two years that I was in Thailand, and for many of my years in Indonesia. I was often late in paying my rent. I sometimes had to use coin money for the days ration of booze. I frequently cut my own hair.

One girl looked up at me in wonder and said “Daddy, why I love you? You no rich. You no handsome. Why I love you Daddy?”

Money is only one thing a guy can give that is valuable. Emotional and sexual value is huge.

4) Teach them to love but not respect women…

A date was probing about a girl I’d recently dated, and I told of how the girl was a prudish virgin who wanted me to meet her mom before we’d even made out.

“You have to respect girls!” she said, as if that was the obvious solution to the disparate needs of the virgin for security and me for testing for sexual compatibility.

I looked at her like she’d sprouted a second head, twisted up my eyebrows into a look of incredulity, and then exclaimed “No I don’t!”

It took her a pause, and then she laughed.

We have to respect girls?! Wtf. No thanks. That’s not my job at all. My job is to love them up. Respect has nothing to do with it.

Do you “respect” your children? What does that even mean? It usually means whatever the speaker wants it to mean, which is “hand over your authority and decision making power”.

badpainter said: The only question now is striking a balance where we determine acceptable amounts of rape, regret rape, prostitution, and diminished male economic activity that are the price of open hypergamy.

Sounds like you are at the bargaining phase of the Kubler Ross five stages grief.

There is not going to be any collective or individual decision making going on. What’s going to happen is what’s going to happen, and neither you nor anyone here will have any meaningful influence upon it, outside of keeping his own women in his personal sphere of life interested and (temporarily) in control.

It’s really a male-socialist fantasy, all this talk about society “collapsing” and reinventing itself in a new glory day of men controlling the finances and therefore the pussy once again.

Up to you if you ever want to get to the acceptance stage. But we men have no collectivist bargaining position here. We are each on our own.

In addition as we can see by some examples above, women are somewhat flawed in selection, such as:

“Me and my 6’4″ inside-linebacker built friend simply bookended him wherever we went. Our muted dark jackets and naturally stern faces played perfectly into our assumed role as his personal ‘security’.”

Notice the 6’4 linebacker is ignored.

This is another example of how the idea that physically attractive+socially dominant=alpha, all else=beta is so simplistic as to be wrong. Wrong and defeatist.

A guy can play to his strengths, and build up and strengthen his weaknesses. A guy does NOT have to be attractive to successfully lek (display), and get genuine mate choice and receive equal or greater sexual attentions from attractive young women.

There are many ways to hack the system. Relative status and social positioning being the most obvious.

@Sun Wukong, your projections don’t take into account the wild card of technological change.

Society follows upon opportunity, and opportunity follows upon technology.

Agrarian technology ushered in dramatic social changes. The industrial revolution ushered in more. The pill and the service economy ushered in more.

If we could forecast that there will not be any more major socially disrupting new technologies, then we can try to see our horizons. But I personally don’t see that as likely at all.

We are going to start to see some very major technological shifts that will dramatically change culture, in ways far more profound than feminism ever has.

Genetic engineering of ourselves and offspring, surgical remolding as well as biological grafts, computer implants, and yes, even the borg.

If you are looking 60 years into the future and not even thinking about technology then you are thinking that history is cyclical.

Technology is not cyclical.

History is not cyclical.

Social changes are not cyclical.

I’m old enough to have lived pre internet and pre cell phone. Nobody imagined our current future. It was a surprise.

We will have surprises FAR more disruptive on society than feminism.

In other words, adapt or don’t. If people think they have witnessed big cultural shifts, and are hoping for things to swing back around, they’ve got it ALL wrong.

We aint seen nothin yet.

The changes have only barely begun.

Sex robots. Resource wars that could impact our physical safety and use unfamiliar weapons, such as bio-tech, micro-drones, and autonomous robots.

Mind controlling implants. Brain upgrades.

Even in the last few years facebook and tinder have changed society. Forty years ago that was not a prediction.

Forty years from now the battle of the sexes will be held on a vastly different landscape. What having a baby even means will be vastly different; genes will no longer be a matter of paternity and maternity alone.

And the effect of native genes will be vastly different. We will be altering our own genetic makeup after being born. As well as our appearance, and organs, and senses, and even how our very brains and thought processes function.

Society will be connected up in new ways we have never imagined.

People think sexting is an issue. Brain-wifi all-senses connected international sex orgy anyone? What is your chosen avatar?

My point of injecting this pragmatic uncertainty into the dialogue is to point out that in order to live strategically, our short and medium term goals must include working with the system as it is. Our long term goals should include being in the best possible position to adapt. And that for me means increasing wealth as much as possible.

Nowhere is it pragmatically useful to plan for a future in which the battle of the sexes continues to be waged in our current techlogical landscape.

That present is ALREADY the past. The present is history. This landscape won’t be where the battle happens.

It will be a DIFFERENT battle.

Coments from http://therationalmale.com/2014/12/17/estrus/comment-page-3/#comments

wanderer said: Unless a man were to knock a woman unconscious, have an EXTREME size advantage, or drug her, I don’t understand how a man could force a woman to have sex with her.

I had to rape away a virginity, and I can assure you that rape is physically impossible.

That is not hyperbole. It is physically impossible for ANY man, regardless of size, to fuck a woman against her will if she is struggling against it.

All she has to do is put her legs close together. Have you ever forcefully tried to pry open a girls legs? I have. It takes two hands. And once you use your hands for that her hands are free to cover up her vagina. And then if you use your two hands to pin down her hands, she can squeeze her legs together again.

You can try to pry open the legs and then use your legs to keep the legs open while holding down the hands, but I know from experience that doesn’t work.

It is IMPOSSIBLE to rape a struggling woman.

The only way it is at all possible to rape a struggling woman is to bind her arms, at least.

And by the way my virgin girl gave me consent to take her virginity, but could not stop herself from struggling. Her mouth over and over was giving consent, but her body would not stop struggling. I am still dating her to this day, over four years later.

The only way I was able to take her virginity that night was she eventually allowed for her struggle to die down.

It’s IMPOSSIBLE to penetrate a womans vagina who is struggling against it and who is not bound.

Glenn said: And the phrase that would fall out of my mouth, after she’d spent an hour or more dragging it out of me, was ‘I feel like I’m falling in love with you – I know that sounds crazy, but it’s true. Do you feel it too?” Lol, yes they did, each time. But this is no beginner gambit.

I call it love at first sight game and have done that a lot. Although for me I do it with girls that I’m genuinely into, and allow for some genuine emotions.

People have a difficult time believing that it can work, as they have no experience with anything remotely similar. But I’ve done it so many times I know it’s a powerful and viable strategy.

But tell me the truth, X, it was always game, right? I mean, it was technique – you don’t actually tell yourself you are falling in love with these women, do you? Are you one of those guys who tells yourself you do love them all? I get the sense you play many high stakes games yourself, if you want to share more of your exploits here I know I would enjoy hearing them.

I don’t consider that I tell myself anything or play any games.

I have an internal narrative, as we all do, but I also feel genuine emotions. I can somewhat regulate my emotions, but my emotions are honest.

I’m honestly into the girls that I have honest emotions for.

I’m not a segmented orange, with this part of myself battling that part. I don’t have warring narratives nor warring emotions. I’m at peace with feeling infatuation, and I’m at peace with feeling nervous. I’m at peace with strong libido and passion, and I’m at peace with finding a beautiful body to be a thrill to see. I really am into the girls that I’m into, and I don’t have to lie to myself or think her shit doesn’t stink in order to remain into her. I know all about shit and stink, and I know all about girls. More than any other man that I know. And I really do love them. I still fall in love, to this day. And I expect I always will.

Sounds like your mental map matches up closely with The Planet Of the Apes.

My mental map looks nothing like yours. In my mental map those who are successful with women are at least as likely to be intelligent and well bred.

@JJ, you are making a mountain out of a mole hill.

Yes, some women can be attracted to some guys in jail. That does not mean that all women are attracted to all guys in jail.

Yes, you have to treat em mean to keep em keen. That doesn’t mean that you can’t be forward thinking in order to be attractive.

Yes, handsome guys get more female attention. That doesn’t mean that only handsome guys are “alpha”.

You’ve made yourself a completely black and white view of the world.

If you go to a football stadium and prime yourself to notice everyone in the stadium who is wearing a red shirt, instantly you will see all the red shirts. They will stand out to you. Those are real red shirts, and they are really there.

But while you are doing that excersise, you will NOT notice any of the blue shirts.

All you are seeing is red shirts. This is not The Planet of the Apes, this is not High School, and it isn’t only the bad boy thugs who women fuck.

This alpha fucks beta bucks idea is so fucking completely overblown as to be a fucking comic book charicature.

Jeesus. There is a real measurable world out there. Not ALL women have BPD, you know. And we can see with our own eyes who they are fucking. It isn’t just criminals and stupid thugs.

Where do you live, anyway? In some getto? How old are you and how old are your friends? Do you really get out and see people, or is this all some fantasy in your head?

As for bad boy behavior, you don’t have to be a stupid thug or criminal. All it takes is not being a blue pill do gooder beta boy. It’s not so starkly black and white.

For instance a few weeks ago a new lover was acting out by sexually teasing me. She was watching loud porn on her cell phone, and refused to let me grope her or undo her bra. So I ignored her and did some chi-kung, then she’d walk up to me and rub all against me, again refusing me to take off her bra. So I ignored her more and walked off to the toilet, and then she called out “no sex tonight”. So I told her to go home. When she protested, I physically threw her out of my room. She kept fighting and fighting, trying to get back into my room and I had to fling her far from the door just to get a chance to lock it. She stayed outside my room crying and begging to come back in for 1/2 hour and I had to get my live-in handyman and maid to tell her leave.

She sent me a few texts telling me what a horrible man I was, and I just fucking ripped into her on text, badmouthing her hard.

Needless to say all of this not only turned her bad behavior around, but made her start to fall for me. I knew it would.

A few weeks later she told me her period was starting, so I came in her a few times that night. The next morning I notice there is no blood anywhere, and ask her when her period was. I had to press and press her for an answer, and it turns out it was two weeks ago. So I had one of my secretaries rush out to get birth control pills that she can take many of to equal the dose of the morning after pill. She wouldn’t eat them and I had to grab her by the hair and push the pills into her mouth. She still would not swallow them, so I had to explain to her that if she became pregnant she was on her own, and that she’d be a single mom. I told her how many girls have tried to trap me before, and many have been pregnant by me before, but that I will never change and I will still remain single and that there is nothing the girls can do. In Indonesia a girl has NO legal recourse, in ANY way if she gets pregnant out of wedlock, and I told her as much.

Needless to say the kiss goodbuy that morning was sweet and tender, and I got the puppy dog eyed treatment.

Am I a thug with no future time orientation? Do I have a low IQ?

No. Nothing of the sort.

Women mate assortively, and are evolved to seek out fitness. As do men. When I choose women, I do so mostly by looking for youth and beauty, but if I can swing it, I also want brains. Brains is down on the list, but I ALSO want it.

Women want looks, and social power, and they ALSO want every other possible marker of fitness, including at least enough smarts to do better than the other guy.

And the statistics bear it out. The wealthy and the beautiful marry the wealthy and the beautiful, and on average wealth is correlated with beauty and correlated with IQ. People mate assortively, and the most fit get to choose the most fit.

Your view of all girls going after bikers is so over the top black and white as to be outright false.

The world does not work like that.

This alpha fux beta bucks notion has been WAYYYYYYY overblown.

It’s true. There are red shirts in the stadium. But not everybody is wearing red shirts, and some of the shirts only have some red in them.

Turn down the contrast people!

@badpainter, it’s not true that a man is EITHER a provider, OR a cad. It’s not true that women ONLY have a dual sexual strategy.

We’ve heard it mentioned over and over that during the fertile period women are more apt to stray, and with a certain type of man, right?

However that’s NOT right.

ONLY women who are not with a high value man show any difference at all.

Women can and do get both their strategies met by the SAME man.

All the time.

It’s not some rare dolphin unicorn.

Yes, women have a dual sexual nature.

But there are not only TWO inputs into the system. There a variety of variables, all interacting.

For instance people in this very thread associated driving a valuable sports car with being an alpha. See? The variable inter-twine. Having financial ability can and does bleed into being seen as a high value male – it’s not ONLY about one side of the alpha fucks beta bucks equation.

Now yes, a man can be trained up blue pill and can fall into blue pill ways. Yes, women work in collusion to train men up that way. They fight against all red-pill knowledge. Yes, women prefer men who “just get it”.

But are we all so fucking simple minded that we can’t hold more variables in our head at the same time? It is not planet of the apes here! Girls are in real life absolutely NOT fucking only stupid handsome criminals. Just look around you and see what real life hot young girls do.

In real life in any city and in any time throughout any age a percentage of women will be lower sexual score, and mostly go after serial monogamy, and a percentage will be higher sexual score and decouple commitment from sex. In real life young girls are not all tossing around their pussy to the most handsome bad boy and then extracting resources from a guy she has no interest in fucking.

That’s not what actually happens in the real world.

That’s ONE thing that happens in the real world. The real world is not a fucking comic book of good and evil and stark contrasts.

I call it the Peter Parker underwear hero syndrome.

Guys feel under-appreciated by women. In order to not walk around in a funk all day they downplay the competition. “Oh, those guys are just the stupid jocks. Or, oh those guys are just the bad boy criminals. They’re dumb and girls are dumb to want to fuck them.”

It’s just enough truth to convince a desperate ego that it’s not really our own fault for for not being attractive.

It’s an underwear hero syndrome because we tell ourselves that if only girls took the time and were smart enough to see beneath the surface, they’d realize that actually WE are the real superheros after all.

And it’s often the same underwear heros who harbor fantasies of the apocalypse, when the meek shall inherit the earth.

That story has been around so long that it’s possibly genetically influenced.

Ya, right, the apocalypse is right around the corner guys. Ya, you meek and downtrodden are finally going to get what’s coming to you, and all the guys on top now are going to be up against the wall.


Enjoy that fantasy as if hope actually mattered.

Me, I’m taking real life actions and having real life consequences.

Some guys really do think that their value to “society” IS heroic, especially as exemplified in their willingness to marry and provide stable familes and work hard. Da-da-DAA! It’s Family Man!

The metaphor is that women *ought* to want anything at all other than what they want. It’s a metaphor. I’m not suggesting that people literally are heros. I’m suggesting that people think women *ought* to want them.

You seem to be hung up on the hero part, for some reason. There is SOME quality or other that people assume women are too stupid to see. Call it whatever you want. What you call that quality is not my point at all.

Any man who feels undervalued by women is in a way a Peter-Parker-Underwear-Hero, not by virtue of his having any superpowers, but merely by virtue of his considering himself undervalued.

@Rollo, we don’t disagree that alpha fucks/beta bucks is a real dynamic that really happens.

And I don’t think we even disagree that it’s not the ONLY thing that happens. You’ve said yourself before that women strive for an alpha provider, and I’m sure every now and then you’ve admitted that such men exist and do get into long term relationships.

So fundamentally we agree on what colors are in the landscape. What we disagree on is the level of contrast and the distribution of colors.

I’m suggesting that your painting is cartoonish – a dramatically reduced color pallate and exagerated contrasts.

It’s NOT an either or thing. There are way more men who get the alpha treatment who are ALSO into long term relationships than you lately seem to let on. And I don’t hear you mention much that there are no differences in womens attitude towards their mates throughout the entire range of the ovulatory cycle when she perceives her man as high value.

And again – making a sharp division between provisioning and being sexually appealing is way to sharp a distinction – so much contrast that it becomes more wrong than right. It’s not that black and white. Yes, in broad strokes there is that contrast. But it’s not that stark, and variables bleed into each other.

A pretty straightforward example of why alpha fucks/beta bucks is WAYY overblown; most all rock stars and top level male celebrities marry or otherwise pair bond.

It’s not either/or.

There is a really powerful word in the English language. It’s called “and”.

Heartiste has his pet theory that EVERYTHING boils down in the end to confidence. No matter how clearly or in how many different ways you point out to him this amazing word “and”, he literally can not hear it. Confidence AND looks? No! Looks increase confidence, and it’s therefore ONLY confidence. So now he just censors anything that goes against his pet view. He’s that attached to it.

Alpha fucks beta bucks is true. But it’s not ALL that is true. There is also apha bucks.

It’s not true that:
1) Only handsome men are treated by women as Alpha (and it’s women who decide, by their actions, what category men are in, individually. If a woman is giving a man the full alpha treatment, then to her, he is an alpha.)
2) All alphas only want short term relationships or flings.

The extreme view that’s being assumed here relies on both of the above falshoods, and it leads to:
1) men assuming that they are not class mobile, and
2) men not seeing the value of learning to increase charisma, and improve relationships
3) men having no concept of healthy mutually satisfying long term relationships where the man is treated like a fucking king.

So we start with a partial truth, and turn it into a cartoon charicature of how the world actually works, and in so doing harm individual men’s will to progress.

Glenn said: This is an argument that should be put in proper context. The most brilliant evolutionary biologists (and other scientists who study human sexuality) on the planet haven’t figured all this out yet. If you keep track of the field, you see that there are major disagreements about many basic issues.

The ideas presented here are best thought of as heuristics. Sure, we have evidence and some theories that seem promising, but that’s about it. AF/BB is a good perspective, but more than that? If you think Rollo’s got scientific certainty here, wake up. This isn’t a lab or a university research center, it’s a fucking blog site. It lags the science – it doesn’t lead it. And the science is still up in the air. That’s a plain fact.

The point isn’t whether rock stars get divorced, and the point isn’t what percentage of the population are rock stars.

I would have thought the point as obvious as the morning sun. How can you not see the morning sun? How can you not see my point?

I’ll repeat. It’s not just alpha-fucks and beta bucks.

It’s ALSO alpha-BUCKS.


Unstop your ears.


All men, alphas and betas, tend to pair bond. NOT just betas.

ALL men, alphas and betas, tend to pair bond. NOT just betas.

Unless I’m reading Rollo wrong, lately he’s been leaning in his essays and comments to a different view than he seemed to start with. Lately he seems to be making more of a drastic K and R selection distinction, and implying that if you are what he terms an alpha then by definition you have no interest in pair bonding, simply because you don’t need to.

Tedd, I’m not missing any point at all. In fact you’re thinking that I am is likely just another example of the very black and white thinking that I’m talking about.

10,000 times yes, I agree with the alpha fucks beta bucks distinction.

Get it? Or should I agree 10,000 times more?

But that’s not ALL that’s going on.

There is nuance, and also OTHER options.

It’s not JUST those two things.

That is MY point.

The other point was long ago agreed with.

You seem to assume that if I’m not with em I’m against em. It’s not that black and white.

And look, men make very grave relationship errors when they assume that finances can not be an aid to maintaining genuine lust and aquisitive mode and alpha treatment. Define what behaviours women show that prove she is treating her man like an alpha, and use that empirical evidence as the real test. It’s not what she says, it’s what she does.

A big reason men have a difficult time maintaining aquisitive mode is that they lose hand. Financial hand.

It’s an ALPHA tool to maintain hand. A tool that causes orgasms and blow jobs, and empirical outward signs that are not in any way distinguishable from outward signs caused by facial symmetry.

Men really struggle with understanding that, because we are simply not wired that way. A womans wallet does not make our dick hard. But a man’s wallet CAN have a sexual effect on a woman, depending on circumstances and how he uses it. I’m not just saying a wealthy sperg is going to get women wet, it’s not that black and white. I’m saying that the careful use of finances to gain and maintain hand is a valuable psychological ploy to maintain hand, which directly relates to how sexual she FEELS towards you.

Does she like your six figure income? Hell yeah! But you don’t want her to choose you based on it alone. Right?

Women are hypergamous and go for the best they can get. So she’s going to choose me for SOMETHING. Somethings.

I’m fine if money is a variable in why the girl chooses me. The money is a major reflection on my character. It took brains and ambition and perseverance and social skills to earn my wealth.

A hottie was once asked why she married the old man. Her answer shut everybody up. “Because he’s rich and hung like a horse.”

I doubt the man felt slighted or underapreciated.

We bring everything we can to the table. There is no shame in bringing money. It CAN help. Poor people get upity and jealous, because they can’t take any pride in something that they don’t have. I’ve heard again and again from guys who’ve had periods of both wealth and poverty – money CAN make a very, very big difference.

And I’m also tired of having to tell the same stories over and over. I’ve only been relatively wealthy for 4 years or so, and have a long history of doing well with attractive young women being flat broke – so broke I regularly had to cut my own hair. So I don’t rely on money at all.


And. That magical word. AND.

Not either or.


And money helps.

Using money to aid attraction does not CAUSE the beta bucks side of the equation.

The opposite. It helps to cause the women to give all the measurable signs of treating the man as the alpha, and to engender real lust and real passion and real devotion.


It can be used in ways that don’t cause attraction.


See how that works?

My apprentice/business partner is in the top 1 percent of attractive males. He is one definition of alpha, in that he neither needs nor wants pair bonding and can get laid with multiple women every week.

But if that is the definition of alpha, then spell it out and let it be known.

Because it’s rather useless definition.

Like you said, every man is only alpha because one or more women perceives him to be. He may be perceived that way by 50 women in a room, or by 1 in a city. It may have been instant attraction or built up over days or even months. Is he getting treated like an alpha by a woman? Then to THAT woman, that’s what he is to her.

Men CAN and DO learn to get that treatment. We don’t have to be born in the top 1% of looks. We can STILL get that exact same treatment. Better even. Far better.

Very very few men really know the depths of the alpha treatment – just how far a woman will go. Most men have never even dreamed of it. Not just regular devotionals such as taking off your shoes every time you come home, blow jobs every morning and regular ass-hole licking, not just blow jobs in taxi-cabs, but risking life and limb for the man. Giving over her heart and soul. I’ve seen it, and with more than one woman. And I’m short, bald, and ugly.

Alpha is as what alpha receives from women. It doesn’t have to be from a huge percentage of women. It just has to be from women – preferably hot and young.

And of course a guy can even learn to have multiple women treat him like this, all knowing of and even knowing each other. Year after year.

Alpha is not a demographic of guys who limit themselves to one night stands.

In fact I hereby propose a new definition of what makes a man alpha:

It is how he is treated.

We can measure how he is treated in two ways:
1) By what percentage of women would fuck him with little resistance
2) By what behaviors of total devotion any particular woman regularly does show him. Behaviors such as
a) cooking and cleaning, including regularly asking the man what he wants to eat, and cleaning with joy, as if the duty is a devotional
b) initiating sex and blowjobs
c) public displays of how proud she is of her man
d) regularly telling the man that she loves him
e) Initiating little greeting and parting rituals that are meant to convey love.
f) Risking her wellbeing for the man
g) Putting up with infidelities even when they deeply pain her
h) Going against the advice of all friends and family regarding leaving the man

and so on.

I posit that the 2nd definition is the only really valuable definition, because it’s something men can learn. We can alter ourselves and our environment to get the best possible alpha treatment – treatment better than kings and rock stars receive. From genuine hotties of very high sexual market value.

@Tedd, ya, people don’t seem to easily grasp the fact that money can increase lust.

No matter how many different ways it’s stated, men seem completely unable to grasp it. For them it MUST be negotiated desire, and CAN’T be possible for wealth to increase actual lust. It is as if their very ego structure depended on the bedrock or that assumption. Lacking an accurate theory of mind for women and being unable to imagine that a wallet is tits merely enables their root emotions of jealousy and comparative financial insecurity. All thought stops and woman CAN’T be sexually turned on relative to finances.


@Tedd “Much better that she find out I’m stinking rich AFTER the hook is set so to speak.”

Ya, most of us feel that way. And regardless of before or after, money only can provide a boost, but is not sufficient in and of itself to create or maintain lust.

In the context of alpha fucks beta bucks it should be obvious why I brought up the scientific study that shows that women orgasm more for wealthy men. It’s because it shows directly that bucks are not only about the beta comfort and provisioning side of the equation.

The variables bleed into each other. Sometimes and in some ways for some people money is an ALPHA trait.

That’s what the science says.

So any theory of behavior for women has to account for
1) women orgasm more for wealthy men
2) even men with the most options with women – the men for whom the largest percentage of hot young women would fuck with the least resistance, routinely pair bond and even marry.

How does alpha-fucks beta bucks incorporate that data?

AF/BB is not wrong, it’s just incomplete. AF/BB AND.

1) Money can have effects on both sides of the AF/BB equation – it can increase comfort and be a type of negotiated desire, but it can ALSO increase and maintain lust in women.
2) AF/BB and AB

Also of course any theory for women’s behavior has to account for
1) how women of all social classes and backgrounds and cultures and countries behave towards pimps. Even old ugly pimps. There are some books put out by pimps and some documentaries that are very instructive. Women behave very submissively, to say the least.

2) The difference between the guy that more women would more easily fuck for one night stands, and the guy who inspires incredible submission and devotion and sexual attention and orgasmic lust. These are not the same thing, as even a guy that most women find outright unattractive can inspire the full out alpha treatment from some women.

We can’t just continue to define alpha as an innefable essence, and explain it a gut feeling of “I know it when I see it”, or use Cory Worthington as an example.

We can be behaviorist about it. We can look the behaviors. If a woman is treating a man as an alpha, then boom. In that context and for that woman he is.

If Justin Beaber is getting pussy thrown at him in the context of his fame, then in that context he’s an alpha to the women who would easily fuck him.

If his old ugly promoter is getting getting rim jobs by 3 teenagers who write him love poems every day, then to those 3 teenagers he’s an alpha.

It would be interesting to find out how cross cultural these findings that women orgasm more for richer men are https://drive.google.com/viewerng/viewer?a=v&pid=sites&srcid=ZGVmYXVsdGRvbWFpbnx0aG9tYXN2cG9sbGV0fGd4OjcyYzQ5MWY4ZDM0MTk0Zjc

Some screen captures of graphs from that study and a copy of the sunday times article on the study https://xsplat.wordpress.com/2011/11/09/women-orgasm-more-for-wealthy-men/

A few comments with links and images about a study done using data from China about how women orgasm more for wealthier men.

It would be interesting to know if this is a cross cultural phenomena. From the study:

Thornhill et al. (1995) found that young women reported
copulatory orgasm more frequently if their partners were
more symmetrical. Shackelford et al. (2000) found that
women paired with more attractive males were more likely to
report orgasm at their last intercourse than women paired
with less attractive males. These studies are interesting but
rely on modest samples (n=86 and 388) of student
volunteers, which means that the ranges of ages and male
qualities may be quite limited. They also found effects only
if symmetry and physical attractiveness as proxies of male
quality. In a larger population cross-section, other qualities
such as income and height may prove to be important.

Their study used a larger set of data from China, and found a strong correlation between the mans wealth and the women’s frequency of orgasm.

Not exactly an alpha fucks/ beta bucks finding.

Rollo said: One thing I’ve learned from Aunt Giggles is that there’s a “study” to confirm or refute damn near any premise you like or hate, but what it really comes down to is seeing things in a meta-perspective.

I can just as easily present a case that women fake orgasms more for Beta men so as to preserve the provisioning those men believe is the source of their self-definition of their Alphaness.

Rollo, your attitude is the very definition of confirmation bias. Now you have explicitly stated that you will disregard all scientific studies that go against your premise.

You have an unfalsifiable world view.

Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments »

Women arouse jealousy to test for love, hate plain talk, and hate that they love an independant man.

Posted by xsplat on June 8, 2015

superslaviswife said:

On jealousy: something Jon and I have noticed is that a little bit of jealousy and possessiveness is always present in lasting and happy relationships. It’s when it becomes a temperamental, paranoid jealousy that things fall apart and people become unhappy.

That tiny bit of jealousy and possessiveness seems to say “I value and want you, I am putting you ahead of many people, so repay my service”. And people like feeling wanted and valued, like they’re worth a bit of effort. And this makes them more likely to repay those efforts, to show that they appreciate the affection. But when that jealousy steps into paranoia and manipulation it says “I need you, one hundred percent of you, to function as a human being and I will destroy anything that takes even one percent of your attention from me”. Which makes people scared, confused and disgusted and drives them away.

Ya. Women are known to test for jealousy and assume the man isn’t ensnared enough if she can not arouse it. Some even go so far as to provoke a man until he hits her, and then take that as sign of care. One girl told me that among her peers it was agreed that if a man doesn’t hit it means that he doesn’t love.

I’ve never heard of men doing the same. We communicate more directly, and would tend to outright ask a woman how she feels instead of test her to find out.

Personally I feel loved if a woman loves me enough to give me freedom. Even though it hurts her to do so. Because she thinks of me first and wants me to be happy. It sounds like a fantasy but I actually had that twice, and I’ve heard stories of other guys whose girls would hunt for women to please their men with.

I do feel jealousy also. Strong jealousy. And I mate guard the best that I can. I believe that my girls feel a very similar emotion to what I do, and yet I want them to be faithful while I am not. It’s not fair. Nor is it wrong. It’s just what it is, and the woman can take it or leave it. Generally after some time women leave it.

It’s said that hormone and brain activity that correlates with being in love is usually only measured for from 6 months to 2 years. Non-monogamy tends to destabilize that already unstable period further. Some very primal and overwhelmingly intense emotions come up when we are pair bonded and in a non-monogamous situation.

It’s difficult to be both non monogamous and a woman’s best option. And I think it’s fair enough to say that engendering monogamous love is equal to being someone’s best option.

superslaviswife said:

“I’ve never heard of men doing the same. We communicate more directly, and would tend to outright ask a woman how she feels instead of test her to find out.”

And then, sadly, most men believe most women the first time around, which results in her, again, worrying he doesn’t care enough, because he isn’t prying. Weird cycle.

“It’s difficult to be both non monogamous and a woman’s best option. And I think it’s fair enough to say that engendering monogamous love is equal to being someone’s best option.”

I’d say it’s impossible to be non-monogamous and a woman’s best option, at least in modern society where every person on the planet is an internet connection or a plane ticket away. For every drop-dead-gorgeous, 100% Alpha millionaire who wants an open relationship with a harem of young women, there is at least a high Beta who is equally as attractive and wealthy and willing to take himself off the market for a few years, or a Sigma who is happy to settle down short or long term for the sake of a low drama woman. Women seek monogamy, short or long term. And the monogamous man is always the better option, as she gets more attention and resources to herself for however long they remain monogamous.

When a woman pair bonds to you, her body is telling her to absorb all your attention, to keep you from dating besides her, to get you to reproduce with her and feed your child until it is three, five or seven years old. And it hurts her that her pair-bonding didn’t work, like clinging onto barbed wire. But you can’t go through life without hurting anyone, either. You’d break hearts if you chose monogamy just as much as you do by choosing non-monogamy. There are as many men who are hurt when they hear I am off the market as men who are hurt by a single cheating or polygamous woman. Making everyone happy is a pursuit that’s bound to fail.

I agree that women do feel as if they need 100% of a man’s available attention and resources. (Never let yourself be seen as giving gifts unequally to your girls unless you enjoy thermonuclear explosions.)

However in reality a self employed man with ample resources can spend more time and resources per each of his three women than a man who has a regular office or blue collar job.

Women’s emotions will never see it that way though.

My emotions would also never see it that way if a girl I’m in love with stepped out. When I’m pair bonded I also can have very powerful emotions.

That’s why nowadays I try to manage the situation by lying more. As much as possible I refuse to give any information about what I do with my free time, but now go so far as to deny being with other girls. Because what they do know will hurt them, and what they don’t know wont.

If Sally hadn’t kept going through my phone, she’d never have been hurt. I spend ample time with her – it’s not an issue of how much time I spend. The issue is that she wants ALL of it. That’s just greedy, when you think of it.

And yes, being non-monogamous does lower a man’s value in the woman’s eye, which is why it’s so difficult to still be her best option, as the man must be so much more valuable in all other areas. It destabilizes the situation.

But infatuation is a very powerful, compelling drug. An infatuated man or woman will put up with a lot. Until they don’t.

And when some women snap they can get vindictive, and dangerous.

Being non-monogamous is dangerous.

And men know it. It takes a certain type of character to not be intimidated by terrorists – and that’s what women fundamentally are, when it comes to monogamy. They use emotional blackmail and threats of harm to coerce monogamy. Cars get keyed, false domestic abuse charges get laid, dicks get cut off. The kind of man who would deliberately enter such dangerous territory and stand up and say “bring on your best, I won’t stand for your terrorism, I will act in my best interest as I deem appropriate” is a very different man than the man who says “Yes dear. Whatever you want dear”.

That type of bravery and individuality is at once as respected by women as it is loathed. They are strangely attracted to that type of character. The “bad boy” character.

It’s not just that women are attracted to men who could cheat, in that other women would fuck him. They are attracted to men who could cheat, in that the man has the character that would allow him to actually go through with it and fuck other women. Bad boy is not the same as pretty boy.

It’s a conflicting desire that women have. For security as well as for the bad boy.

So the man both gains and loses value by being non-monogamous. Being discreet about it and not inflaming jealousy is the tactical move for the man who wants to love more than one woman.


There are plenty of guys on the internet who talk about how to be an R selected bad boy. They understand well the appeal. But what is never understood by these men is that the internalized characteristics of being that bad boy are not in any way in conflict to our paternal and bonding characteristics. Alpha-provider is not an oxymoron.

All of us with secure attachment styles crave intimacy and pair bonding. That’s the very definition of healthy. Craving more than one woman does not suddenly turn a man into a different type of creature who does not want pair bonding and intimacy.

And women who crave pair bonding and intimacy do not suddenly not also crave bad boy characteristics. They ideally want it all from the same man.

The problem is that for one man to pull it off is fucking difficult. Not everyone can do it, not everyone wants to even put in the effort to try. It is such a rare accomplishment that even the knowledge for how to do it is rare to come across.

Posted in Uncategorized | 13 Comments »

When mate guarding goes wrong

Posted by xsplat on June 7, 2015

When a baby cries, it gets what it wants. That’s the main tool it has. It can’t use force or intellectual persuasion, nor earn money to pay for assistance. So it cries. Toddlers throw tantrums and pout, and a parent who gives in to this emotional blackmail is said to have spoiled his child.

Adult women are hard wired with similar instincts to those of a baby. They will nag and harangue and pout and make the home a miserable place in order to get what they want.

And most men nowadays are ill equipped with the mental tools required to not spoil their mate.

As culture tends to be defined and controlled by those who rely on controlling it the most – women – you can read on public consensus (read female perspective dominated) sites such as wikipedia that Tampo, or pouting, is best seen as a plea for nurturing and is best dealt with by appeasing the woman. It is a minority of expats who see through the acrid bullshit smoke and pinpoint the problem of their bratty mate trying to make a dominance power play, and stopping the game by not playing it. On some expat in the Filipine forums, all the guys are chumps. In others, many of the men know the score.

Pouting, like mate guarding, can work with even sophisticated dominant men, if done with finesse. If overdone it’s brinksmanship, and will just make the guy want to leave.

I lived with M for over 3 years, and every few weeks she’d have some sort of jealousy related emotional meltdown, in which she tried to make my life as emotionally uncomfortable as possible. Emotional blackmail; if you don’t make me feel 100% secure and pampered right now and cut off all ties with any other female in existence, I will cause you continual grief.

I’d calmly explain. I would scream. I’d walk out and rent a hotel for a few days. Over time she tended to get a bit better, but the problem was too fundamental to repair. She has BPD traits that come out under stress, and can be like a wild animal with no control over her self and no ability to see consequences.

It was her jealousy more than anything that made me dissatisfied with the relationship. I was happy with the sex and how she attended to me, and we remained in love, but her mate guarding had no perspective that included seeing me as an autonomous self directed individual. To a borderline, other people can never be viewed as autonomous. That’s the “borderline” portion of the name; they are incapable of distinguishing boundaries between self and other. Other is just a tool to be used to satisfy one’s own needs. Much like to a baby, a tit does not belong to a separate self directed individual; all you need to do is cry and scream and make a fuss and it behaves like a proper slave tit should.

So when I started to see a 2nd girl, M naturally did everything in her power to stop me. From nagging to threatening me physically and legally to anything else she could imagine. I took not one bit of it. As I had two girls in two apartments, if one wanted to be unpleasant, it was a simple matter of going to see the other.

I had to de-fang her, and take away her tools of coercion. And I had to most of all make her understand that she had no tools of coercion, other than making me prefer to be with her over the other woman. And even then, I’d still be a free agent.

This threw her into a deep depression. Eventually she started an affair of her own, plus started dating around. We stopped living with each other, but despite some extremely dramatic ups and downs, we still see each other to this day.

The other night, while A21 was in my bed I went to vist M25, and she shared a story. I’d noticed that she had a new phone, and remarked that it meant she had a new sponsor. She denied that with “somebody gave it to me, so I took it”. This primed her to relate how a guy had gone through the messages on her phone, and found her messages with me, and freaked out and told her to stop, and how this made her lose interest for the guy.

It’s common knowledge among those who have experience with dating, that you can’t lay ownership claims on someone before they also feel as if the two of you are a couple. It’s a socially retarded faux pas. If one person wants a casual fling or is just testing the waters, you don’t try to pressure them into something else.

Roping someone into monogamy is a chess game. You have to win the person over bit by bit. Not only get them to fall in love with you, not only addicted to your cock or pussy, but get them to prefer being monogamous with you. Only after it comes from their inside can you start to enforce any rules and boundaries. You merely amplify what is already inside them.

If you try to fence a person in before they want to be fenced, it just leads to everything falling apart. Or worse. Worse is that the woman will gain an emasculated man, or that the man will gain a passionless woman.

A21 is a single mother with an attractive face. But she’s a bit fat, her English is poor, and her girl game is weak. When she got a text message from Sally17 telling her to back off from her man as she was pregnant, the only tool she could dig out of her emotional toolbox was to pout. I don’t respond well to emotional blackmail, so that got her nowhere and I told her to go home. Later as we were watching TV I put my hand over her pussy and she took it off and said no.

And that’s a separate issue of A21’s dating retarditude. She’s only familiar with being chased. She thinks that saying no to sex will somehow make me chase her more, and give her the upper hand, as if SHE is the one with this great resource of sexual pleasure.

I’ve come to view that I’M the one with the great resource of sexual pleasure.

I get girls addicted to ME. Not the other way around.

I usually have several girls I’m fucking, and I don’t let any one girl control access to sex in my life.

So of course what occurs to me at the moment she moves my hand is, “What the fuck are you doing in my room then? I have better things to do and other women to see.”

A seems to enjoy herself fine when we fuck. I see her habit of saying no or acting standoffish as mostly a power and dominance play. It’s similar to the tactic of pouting; she expects to receive more attention by being negative than she would by being positive. She expects more wooing and comforting and foreplay and seduction by merely saying no.

But it is socially retarded because it has no workable theory of mind of what goes through the head of a dominant man who has options.

The moment she moved my hand away, I was sexually rejected and insulted. Her power play became toxic, and I flipped a switch to off. I was no longer in “let’s play” mode. Now I was in “what are you doing here?” mode.

Later she kept asking about Sally, and I told her that she doesn’t have to worry about her, and not to keep asking about her as I was not going to talk about her.

Her being irritating set the tone for noticing negative things about her. When hugging her I noticed an acrid sour milk smell. I like my women to hypnotise me into a swoon with their seductive essence, but this girls smell put me off. It’s the smell that comes from excess sweat due to being fat.

There is a theory that much of our success comes not from actions directed at success, but from actions that put us into a position of being prepared for opportunity when it comes.

I have put in decades of work generally putting myself in a position to win. Studying meditation and philosophy. Maximizing my physique. Learning piano. Building successful businesses and social relationships. Renting, renovating and building office and living spaces. I am obviously in many ways a rare and high value catch.

This woman is fat and a poor conversationalist. She has not done her groundwork to prepare for being able to grab opportunity when it comes. And is expecting of me, right away and only by virtue of her existing at all, for me to immediately be monogamous and for her to dictate when we can or can’t have sex.

She is a part time model, and COULD be a hottie. But her extra kilos mean that she is not a hottie, so she doesn’t get the same leaway a hottie would. She can’t afford to be annoying to a man who knows his value. She can’t afford to play push pull with much push. She needs to be all about making me happy.

I’ve been with girls who knew that very clearly, and who did every possible thing in their power to make me happy. One girl even would suggest I go fuck my other girl when she was on her period. She was jealous, yes, but she acted strategically. She knew the power of honey, and she knew the impotence of vinegar.

I had expected A to visit for the night, but she told her mom she was on a 5 day business trip, and showed up with a suitcase. After the 2nd night I told her to go home, and she pleaded to just stay just one more night and she’d leave in the morning. The next day I had to tell her again to go, stand up, and carry her suitcase downstairs. On the way to the taxi my phone was receiving text after text. An angry and jealous A accused “that’s messages from your girlfriend!” and slammed the taxi door closed.

As she drove off I felt nothing but relief.

Later she sent me some negative texts, whining about how I hadn’t made her happy on her birthday, and I responded by just ripping into her. First I reminded her that I was going to take her out shopping, but that her bad mood made me lose interest in shopping with her. Then she complained of going home too early so I admonished her for not informing me of how many days she had planned to stay. She was unapologetic, and so I finally lost the last bit of interest in her, and ripped into her for her habit of saying no to sexual touch. One of her last messages to me was “Maybe you think I’m a stupid girl and I’m only bothering you?”

I did not reply. Nor did I reply this morning after she said she was crying and didn’t want to lose me.

People have a fundamental need to feel autonomous and free. And yet we crave intimacy and belonging. One way women and children especially feel care and community is through being given and following boundaries. Just like children feel loved properly by being given rules in which they know they will remain in good graces and be accepted if they follow. The duality between freedom and belonging is the fundamental conflict of pair bonding.

There is an art to getting a man or woman attached, and bound and following our rules.

And there is an art to not following the rules that our mate tries to give us.

It is a dance of negotiation, and in order to win the negotiation, you must have hand.

You must be the most valuable one with the least to lose. No matter how much you love her, she must need you more than you need her, if you are to be the one who makes the rules. I have many posts on how to be valuable to the woman, but two of the most obvious ways to maintain hand are by having options and by controlling the resources.

So mate guarding is possible, but if either the man or woman cries like a baby too much, that’s a brinksmanship move. That’s saying “I will make your life unbearable unless you do what I say”. And if the other person does not want to do what the other person says, it is only pointing to the door to exit an unbearable situation.

Jealousy therefore breaks relationships at least as often as it maintains them.

It is the weak man without options who is corralled into monogamy against his will.

And in today’s society not many women can be mate guarded unless they overall choose to be.

Dating is a competition against the competition. You can’t win a footrace by excluding all other racers from the track; no one would agree that you won. And even if we don’t want to admit it, there is competition for our mates. We only win with them if we actually are their best option. Mate guarding is a useful tool in the same way a hammer is useful. It’s applicable in certain instances. AFTER you already have a working watch, you can stamp some letters onto the backing with a hammer. You can’t build or repair a watch with a hammer.

In short, you can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar.


The whole incident made me appreciate my V even more. That girl has top notch girl game. When she found out I had another girl, she was heartbroken but not angry or vindictive. When we talked about it she listened and processed what I had to say, and communicated her emotions accurately and with respect. And she chose to remain in love with me. That’s a human being I can respect and admire. Plato considered that love should be about admiration of the best qualities in another. I’ll agree that it does feel very good to admire your lover.

Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments »

1978 BBC Anti-feminism report could never air today

Posted by xsplat on June 6, 2015

Watch this video in full and then consider which ideas that are credited as “red-pill” actually pre-date the internet.

There is very little that is a new insight regarding male/female relations. We’ve had brilliant writing going on about the human condition for not just decades, but centuries.

The human condition is far more basic than most people could possibly know, because you can’t begin to know what behaviours are cross cultural until you have lived in a multitude of cultures, and time frames within those cultures.

I keep getting older and the club hotties keep staying the same age. No matter how much things change, things stay the same.

Human nature doesn’t change, but what does change is opportunity, and that is affected by technology. The service economy, birth control and abortions, and anonymous urban living coupled with easy internet based hookups have given much more opportunity to women to fuck any type of man she should want to select for, with minimum consequences. This is the basis of feminism. All feminism boils down to a power play for independence of consequence for sexual action, even and especially for the fuglies, and for that men must be as a group as financially enslaved as possible and women as financially independent as possible, both through career and state assistance.

And all the core concepts of male female relations were not disclosed by anyone alive today – they were disclosed by attentive men before your grandfather was born.

Just look at old movies from the 40s. You’ll see again and again the wittiest and slyest understanding of “red-pill” truths.

Don’t let yourself be bamboozled into believing that there is a father of the manosphere.

* credit to Steve Jabba for linking to the video

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

Sally contacted the girl in my bed, telling her she is pregant and my girlfriend

Posted by xsplat on June 4, 2015

A21 slept over last night, and awoke as A22 as it’s her birthday today. Then this morning I’m awoken with the news that S16 had contacted her by Whatsapp.

The whatsapp message merely asked if she knew me, and included my Whatsapp profile picture. I grabbed her phone and got her to block it, then I deleted the message. I explained that some crazy girl had gone through my phone and was contacting everyone on my contact list.

She was distressed and moping, but I fucked her a bit, then went out to spend a little time with S16. I didn’t let on that I knew she’d contacted A22, as A hadn’t replied. I just told her that I really like her, and that it would be sad if she started acting crazy jealous again, otherwise I’d have to dump her.

I get back home to messages from S16 that she loves me, and A22 is in a deep dark funk. I make a few overtures to get her out of her shell, but she’s throwing a “tampo”, meaning she’s completely uncommunicative. I long ago learned how to deal with tampo. There is NO “oh, honey, what’s wrong” from me. If she wants to sulk that has NOTHING to do with my mood. Let her sulk. I did not get sucked in one millimetre.

I did some business, pulling out 14 thick wads of red rupiah from the safe for a transaction, played piano, made business calls and talked to my secretaries, then took a nap, all while she was sulking. After the nap she hadn’t given up and was determined as ever to foul the air with her mood, so I told her to go home. Repeatedly. “I’m serious, if you are in a bad mood, just go home. I’ll see you some other time.”

Finally she opened up and told me that S16 had sent her a text message, asking why she blocked her on Whatsapp, and telling her that she was two weeks pregnant.



S16 just won’t fucking quit! Nothing I can do can get that girl to back off.

Furthermore A22 invited S16 to come over to my place to meet up.

I know that S16 is at least too afraid of me to do that. She knows I’d physically throw her out of the building if she could get in it, and I’ve told her before that if she ever comes over here again uninvited I’ll never see her again.

So I’m pissed. I’m not apologetic at all. There is no “oh honey, you’ve got to understand, that girl means nothing to me, please forgive me” nonsense. This is full on Just Be Yourself and myself is pissed. Well, with some heavy spin.

I tell her that the girl is lying about being pregnant, and that she had told the same thing to everyone on my contact list months ago. And that it makes me extremely angry that the girl is trying to ruin my life and A’s day. I’m nice to her and for that she tries to treat me like property. I tell her that I’d rather die than let any girl try to own me and bully me into living a life I don’t want to live, and that if I’m ever going to be a couple with someone and be faithful that has to come from inside me, not out of some threat or force. All of which is completely true. I would rather die.

In my irritation I tell her that fuck it I should just dump the both of them. And I’m so irritated that’s what I’m seriously considering. These two jealous young girls, one 1/3rd my age and one less than half, have the nerve to think they can own me and tell me what to do, as if they are my mother and I’m a child. Fuck that noise no more.

So I’m going on and on about how angry I am and all the reasons why, and how no girl will ever own me, when A finally changes her whole demeanour. Suddenly she’s hugging me and kissing me. Suddenly she opens up and tells me that she’s been so angry and frustrated all day because it’s her birthday and she got these horrible messages. Suddenly she’s laughing and we are some sort of couple again.

I ask her to change her phone number so S can’t contact her any more, but she doesn’t want to, so I have her help me to try to block the number, but she deleted the messages and even the phone log. So I do whatever I can to inoculate her from further messages.

“That girl is crazy and is going to contact you every day and will never give up. She will say anything possible to get you stop seeing me”. She responds that she’ll block her as soon as she gets a new message.

Earlier this morning after the first Whatsapp message, A was sad, but not yet sulking. I spent some time holding my hand on her heart, looking in her eyes and at her hot little mouth, gently reassuring her by giving her compliments of all the things I like about her. It was such a delight to see the range of emotions play across her face and shine out her eyes. Tender grief, fierce anger, empty depression, hopeful longing. I told her so. She shed a few small tears, and didn’t say a word, while her face flashed high bandwidth signals. It was touching, and I was impressed by her emotional range, and her vulnerability.

So I don’t know what I’m going to do with S now. I’m thinking to factory reset her phone again. My phone is now fully password protected and locked down, with encrypted OS, SD card, and locked sim card. I don’t even know how she did the hack last time, but I’m guessing she took my sim card out and installed my Whatsapp onto her own phone using that number. Top level spy shit.

Oh, and S had already contacted N19 and M25 a few months ago, also telling them that she’s two weeks pregnant. It didn’t stop either of them from continuing to fuck me.

And it didn’t stop the next two girls.

And it doesn’t stop S.

S16 will become S17 tomorrow. I have no mood to treat her well. In the past I have not contacted her for days after she tries to fuck up my relations to my other girls. What a little fuckable nutjob. I like that she’s attached to me, and even though her BPD style mate guarding strategies are a huge turn off, I don’t see her as actually dangerous. Yet.

The strange thing is that nothing S has done so far has caused any real harm. If anything my value with the girls went up a bit, and they got to see more of the real me.

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments »

People claim that it’s impossible to have women love them in the West. Or the East. Sour grapes

Posted by xsplat on June 3, 2015

I honestly believe that the reason many men poo poo the idea of having a dominant LTR, where they treat their women with love and care and get subservient loving devotion in return, is sour grapes.

In an old fable by Aesop, a hungry fox noticed a bunch of juicy grapes hanging from a vine. After several failed attempts to reach the grapes, the fox gave up and insisted that he didn’t want them anyway because they were probably sour.

I honestly believe that the number one main reason most men think that such a situation is not possible in the West, and that I’m deluding myself to believe that I am currently experiencing it in the east, is sour grapes.

The very same men who think Western women swim in a culture too toxic to allow them to be properly tamed into being subservient and devoted love slaves, also believe that South East Asians are really only ever acting that way just for money.

Sour grapes.

Men do not have any personal lived experience of being loved, long term, within the context of a Long Term Relationship or Multiple LTR.

So sour grapes. The ego protection goes exactly like this. “That is not possible for ME, therefore that is not possible.”

“Not only didn’t I want that incredibly good thing anyway, but it was never even possible to get and doesn’t even exist. And not only that, but it’s the guys who think it exists who are the true fools! Oh, I pity those guys who claim to be having regular sex with multiple young attractive women who regularly give all inward and outward signs of obsessive loving devotion!”

But for the guys who claim that the only reason I can do what I do is because I’m in SEA, they still just stop their thought processes right there. Sour grapes. If it is actually true that it is only possible to have such a situation in SEA, that is not the end of the issue; that’s just the very beginning of the issues facing any man.

Does a man want that for himself? Can he even begin to conceptualize the life enhancement that comes from having one or many young attractive lovers who are in love and devoted to him and attend to his needs? And if the answer to those questions are yes, then how can he get it for himself?

If it truly is a huge life enhancement, and truly is only available in SEA, isn’t the next question what sacrifice would it be worth to get out to SEA in order to get such an incredibly huge life enhancement boost? If love and passion are not available where you are, then why are you staying where you are?

But if anyone thinks coming to SEA will get them devoted attractive women, they are wrong. Men from this culture and men who visit this culture rarely get that.

It takes a very well developed skill set to get that. You don’t get free coupons for hot devoted love slaves on arrival at the airport.

And so people use the fact that I’m in SEA to stop all further thought about maintaining loving passionate intimate relations.

It is so terribly convenient.

Why? Because they don’t want to think about it.

And why don’t they want to think about it?

Sour grapes. It’s too painful to feel a want for something unatainable. Much easier a mental short cut to pretend that they 1) don’t want it, and 2) the thing they don’t want doesn’t even exist in the first place.

I also find that the men who can’t conceptualize being loved also come across as being incapable of giving love.

And so you get these romantically inept guys going on and on about the ONLY possible relationship to hot young women is one that is an exchange of R selected sex, and that the ONLY way to be appreciated as a sexual being is if they cut themselves off from their own humanity by developing dark triad traits and taking on pure R selected sexual strategies, thereby refusing any depth of connection with the “lizards” and “bitches”.

It’s harsh, but it’s frankly irritating to have what amounts to the romantically under-developed (retarded) try to expound on how romance works.

And no, it’s not the case that there is such a vast difference between the West and the East. I’ve lived in both places. Throughout all of history and in all cultures over the globe, there are now and have always been some very fundamental constants to human, male, and female nature. They don’t change generationally, and they don’t change culturally, and they don’t change regionally. There are cross cultural constants that are due to our innate human condition.

As regards being an alpha provider, it is in no way an oxymoron, and yes, to be one is extremely rare. It’s rare because the skill sets required, and even the man’s supporting resources required is rare to attain. The skill development is similar to musical development – no matter how good you are, you can be much better, and there are people who are much better still.

So we have people who can play chopsticks on the piano, extrapolating that out onto theories of music. Well, it doesn’t work like that. You can’t know what you don’t know until you know it. You can’t even begin to guess at the relationship skills you don’t yet have.

Real, passionate, loving relationships with hotties is an advanced music. That men CAN do. IF they care to develop themselves to be master musicians.

And to be a master musician, you can’t just play with the left hand of R selected bass and rhythm notes. Nor just with the right hand of emotional melody. You absolutely MUST use both hands, to be at the maximum of your potential.

Anyone who still thinks that alpha fucks and beta bucks is nowhere near even beginning to understand his own potential.

Update: Ondrej said:

So you think that people who push R do so because they’re unable to max out both R and K so they convince themselves that K doesn’t add a layer of devotion from the girl while not diminishing your R attractiveness? Because they always say how it’s confusing for the girl and K is like a dominant alele to R – if you have both, you’re “Kr” and she’ll make you wait for sex.
Because maxing out R really comes down to simple fashion and physique changes, good mindset, balls and reference experiences. 1 year, 2 years? Easy, as long as you’re motivated.
Maxing out K takes decades. Possibly with no results.

Yes, Ondrej, but there’s much more to it than just that. To get a girl emotionally invested requires being emotionally invested. It’s a different skill set than just getting her horny.

It includes, but is greater than, getting her horny.

Thats the melody portion of a song. Nowadays people like music that has no melody – rap and hip hop and other shit. The lyrics often reflect the lack of emotional connection, such as “these hoes ain’t loyal”.

Melody is all about moving emotions. No matter how evocative are the lyrics, you can’t move the emotions in the same way without melody.

This dark triad R selected attitude being peddled is just a musical fad – music without melody. Relationships without melody – without emotional connection.

Yes, you can get a whole club full of people all excited grooving to hip hop.

But hip hop is still shit.

Ya, sometimes we can like just a drum beat to groove to. But a life without melody? On purpose? As a chosen lifestyle?

And then you get hip hop experts claiming that western women nowadays are no longer moved by balads.

Ya, right.

WOMEN are moved by ballads. Always have been, always will be. In any country, in any time.

So I think we get men who become experts in a very narrow slice of male female relations. A slice that has no melody, no richness, no emotional depth.

It’s not just because they don’t have enough money or social status to pull off connecting with women from a position she’ll respect. It’s also because they don’t have the emotional and technical skill set.

The types of strategies that are usually considered K strategies, such as loving and caring are babies that are just thrown out with the bathwater.

“Oh, I can’t be loving and caring, or I won’t get laid and the woman will just leave me!”

Sour grapes.

A man CAN be loving and caring. AND dominant.

It is not either or. Not K or R. Not alpha or beta.

A man can be dominant AND passionately bonded. Beat plus melody is far greater than either alone. And furthermore the art of music can become endlessly rich, until you can coordinate a full orchestra of instruments to improvise along a variety of musical styles.

Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments »


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 154 other followers