Harnessing confirmation bias so that you realize you are desired

I’m not a fan of the fake it until you me it philosophy.  And I don’t believe that all attraction boils down to confidence.  I see narcissism not as an attractive trait to develop, but as a weak point that leads to long term troubles.

And so I’d be the last person to pump myself up with feel good self affirmations.  I’d rather go the gym, build my business, and work on confidence from the outside in.  Be confident in real things, not be confident about being confident.

And so I was surprised at a big shift in attitude that I had yesterday, when I was out daygaming in Bali, handing out business cards and chatting to hot young girls.

I’ve been in Java for the last 8 months, working with great focus on my business.  I haven’t been going out or meeting new girls.  But I remember that the last time I was in Bali cruising for girls that I was conscious of this feeling of loneliness and hunger whenever I went out.  As if there were a poverty and emptiness inside myself.  This would be there even if minutes before I’d been with one of my four lovers who were with me in the city at the time.

After noticing that I blogged about it.  That made a shift.  Since writing it down that sense of poverty and hunger was not the default and only mode any more.

But yesterday was a whole new level of internal shift.

Lately I’ve been commenting over at Rollo’s blog.  I started out very confrontational, and basically said that all married men deep down want to do what I’m doing with my life, but can’t get it together to do it.

That caused a lot of backlash.  And that led me to clarify my thinking. I had to write it down.

They say that as soon as you state an opinion out loud, that you will have confirmation bias towards that opinion.  It’s not enough to think it, you have to publicly take a stance.

I took a very strong public stance saying that men undervalue their own sexual value to young women.  That we are actually much more sexually interesting to them than we are told, by society and especially by other older women.  I said that it’s perfectly normal and natural for older guys to go after younger women, and guys who thought otherwise were brainwashed and trapped inside cages of their own making.

I went on to detail how my real life is actually lived, when told that I was deluding myself and that young girls in SEA are actually only interested in my money.

I’ve had years and decades worth of excellent reference experiences.  When I’m not living with a very hot young woman that I’m in love with, I have been keeping from two to four girlfriends, for at least 12 years now.  They age from 17 to 26, and might average about 22.  I’ve been doted on hand and foot by many girls, even after they have met each other, and even when I only pay for dinners, and all their friends tell them that I’m too old and ugly and poor.

Even with all these great reference experiences, when I go out to chat up girls on the beach or in the mall or on the street, I FEEL like and old and ugly man.  I don’t FEEL attractive and wanted.  I know that a minority of girls would eventually fall for me, given a chance for me to talk away my ugly face.  But I don’t get IOIs when I go out, I’m invisible, and sometimes I’ll get a scowl.

That changed yesterday.  My reference experiences matched up with the opinion that I publicly argued.

I handed out cards like a boss.  I approached one extremely poised and attractive student who was with her mother, baby sister, and aunt on the beach.  I told her that I had to say hello because she was so beautiful.  We exchanged numbers, and later that night she sent me a goodnight text.  I approached many other girls, and although I was clumsy in my brief sets, I did introduce myself, and felt great while doing it.  That’s kind of a big deal for me.

I did not feel lonely or hungry or wanting.  I did not feel ugly and out of my league.  I felt like a perfectly natural man of value that a girl could very well be interested in, making introductions.  As if it were the fun and social and natural thing to do.

I also saw another gentleman my age working the beach yesterday.  He’d just sit down beside a girl and chat her up.  As if that kind of thing happens all the time.  I also saw some local boys doing the same.  Just showing up next to a  crowd of girls sitting down, saying hi, and sitting down, and starting up convos.

I don’t believe in fake it until you make it.  I want to be truly congruent, and not bulshitting myself.  I don’t want to deny reality in order to function at my peak within it.  Narcissism is a short term benefit and a long term disaster.

But this was not narcissism, and not faking anything.  There were some big inner shifts, and I can pinpoint when they happened, and I know why.

It’s because I wrote down and argued my opinion.  Now I have confirmation bias towards those opinions.  I created my inner reality.  Now my reference experiences and my inner feelings match up.  I not only have several girls and lots of history with girls, but I feel abundance.  I not only have reference experiences of lots of girls liking me, but I feel that random hot girls would like me too.  I not only have decades of dating much younger women as reference experiences that it’s normal, but I feel that it’s perfectly normal to approach girls thirty years younger than me.

Your free will sucks

“The reason that I don’t go after teen and twenty something girls is because I don’t want to.

“The reason that I don’t start my own business and pursue outstanding wealth is because I don’t want to.

“The reason why I choose to go along with the crowd is because that’s what I like to do.

“Who are you to tell me how to live?!  My couch and my porn and my video games and my cheetos and my nine to five may satisfy me more than the things you talk about.  I DON’T WANT THEM.  So SHUT UP!”

 

Is this the the best relationship quote you’ve ever read?

From Practical Female Psychology:

Female Stages of Manipulation

We believe that manipulation is an instinctual behavior deeply rooted within female biology. Manipulation is also a learned behavior, due to one’s need for survival. From a biological point of view there is not too much of a difference between biologically-rooted and learned behavior. In fact, from the point of view of both modem neurobiology and evolutionary psychology, behaviors repeated and learned over time become deeply rooted in the neurological patterns within the brain, to the point where the behavior becomes largely unconscious. As individuals are prone to choose behaviors which support survival, manipulation has certainly been selected as a desirable survival skill.

Manipulation can be defined as the attempt to influence another person’s mind to achieve a certain outcome. Manipulation is very often seen as a negative thing. We, however, are not judgmental about manipulation, and actually consider it a positive feature, which has been designed to keep life continuing on this planet.

In order to best manage relationships with women, the Modern Man should understand that there are various stages of manipulation that a woman will go through during the course of a relationship with a man.

On the biological level, the female of our species is programmed to:

1. Elicit a strong sexual attraction in one or more strong males.
2. Feel a strong sexual attraction for such males.
3. Become impregnated by her choice of male.
4. Have a male to provide materially for both her and her infant child.
5. Afterwards, she will subconsciously tend to operate in such a way so as to have her sexual attraction for that male decrease.
6. Wash, rinse, repeat: she will tend to have more sexual intercourse and more children with other strong males.

We call this process betaization, where the strong, alpha male is rendered beta — which means “secondary” or “subservient” — within the relationship, over a period of time. Quite often, this process occurs gradually and almost imperceptibly to both parties.

Manipulation is widely used by women to achieve:

• Safety and comfort for her and her children, with their survival being the primary purpose.

• To thereby influence the man’s mind in such a way that he will feel compelled to protect her and her children, especially before pregnancy, during the pregnancy and throughout the children’s early developmental years.

Female manipulation can be either creative or destructive, depending on the desired outcome. From the point of view of the man, female manipulation can be considered “good” when it supports life and the man’s interests and “bad” when it destroys life and/or damages the man’s interests.

Succinctly, the more manipulation is used by a woman, the more it becomes natural and unconscious to her. It is like learning to play a musical instrument: at first it is difficult and one needs to pay conscious attention to each note being played, Then, as mastery is gradually achieved, manipulation becomes more and more unconscious.

Behaviors are slow to develop and also slow to be unlearned. In the modem woman of the industrialized countries, the way instincts are expressed has changed slightly with time, due to less-demanding survival conditions. However, the influence of the female’s primal instincts on her behavior remains evident.

It is important for you to learn to recognize manipulation. In fact for a woman’s sexuality to be satisfied, it is important that her manipulation attempts against her man not be too effective. You must learn to observe female behavior and give the right responses, with the goal of making her happy on the emotional level, as opposed to responding to manipulation attempts on a logical level.

Learning to respond appropriately requires knowing the various stages of female manipulation.

A woman’s attempt to own you mentally will follow certain incremental stages, which predictably occur with mathematical precision. We will now discuss each of the following stages in detail:

• Testing the Male
• Seeking Communication
• Putting him to Work
• Evolutionary Selfishness
• Self-Determination

Depending on the woman’s self-esteem, there are big differences in the way these stages will play themselves out. If a woman has high self-esteem (HSE), she will test you and manipulate you in a totally different way than a woman who has low self-esteem (LSE).

Testing the Male

“Let me be a little bitch to him/’ A woman knows on the instinctual level — and also on the rational level — that a man can impregnate a large number of women without too many consequences. In our modem age of mandatory child support, this is not always true in practical terms, but biologically it remains the case that the female has a much higher risk and burden when it comes to pregnancy than the man does.

A woman also knows that a weak male will not be able to protect her or her children in any way. Imagine as a man how your thoughts about survival would be different if every time you made love to a woman you faced the possibility of carrying a baby in your belly for the next nine months, followed by the primary responsibility of taking care of the baby for many years to come. Imagine how you would feel if you knew that your partner could leave you at any time and impregnate other women and/or leave for war or for hunting. Get the picture? You would become much more selective in your choices of who to mate with.

From this biological reality stems the deep need that a woman has to test the male for his physical and leadership qualities. In our modern society, the need to test for physical qualities and financial stability has become less important than the need for qualities such as leadership, intellectual capacity, and strength of personality; but that would be quickly reversed in the case of war.

One thing is for sure: a woman in this stage will test the male for his skill of being a hunter. This will happen whether you are skilled in hunting animals in the grassy field or company shares in the business field; you can be sure that at the first stage of manipulation a woman will test you.

A woman will always test a male who she is sexually attracted to. For a psychologically healthy woman, survival and sexual desire must always harmonize with each other. A woman who tests men only for survival benefits — such as a man’s ability to provide — is denying her sexuality. A woman who tests men only for their sexual appeal, is either planning to live her life without men, or is being self-destructive.

Seeking Communication “Open up to me, please.”

Once a woman has tested the male, and is relatively sure that he is strong enough to serve her purposes, her concern begins to revolve around making the man serve her exclusively. Many men who are relatively strong and pass the tests of the first stage, fail to understand the meaning of this second stage. This stage is extremely difficult for the average man to detect. It is instinctually and often unconsciously masked by the woman as a purely innocent attempt to “communicate” with the male.

It is a feature of the feminine psyche to appreciate communication above all else, but from an evolutionary point of view what the female of our species is really doing at this stage is using language to befuddle her partner, which will hopefully cause him to serve her and her purposes.

This stage is extremely important to the success or failure of couple relationships. Couple therapy fails so frequently because it tends to disregard the real, evolutionary meaning of this stage. A very common pitfall for couples is when the woman starts to feel that the man is displaying an inability or unwillingness to “communicate properly” with the woman. Modem couples therapy almost invariably places the blame for this supposed lack of communication squarely on the man’s shoulders.

In the first stage, the woman has screened out the weaker males; the man was specifically chosen by the woman for a relationship. In this second stage, the woman acts as if she is seeking deeper communication with the man. A strong man will start to sense that an attempt is being made to weaken him, and he will then usually react with certain predictable behavior patterns. He may get angry or he may withdraw. Arguments that seem to the man to be based on nothing logical at all will often occur at this stage.

    Putting Him to Work

“Honey, please take out the trash and wash the cat, and please hurry!” When and if a man opens himself emotionally up to a woman — in the sense of what we discussed in the preceding subsection — from that point onwards the woman effectively owns the frame of the relationship. Now, the active destruction of attraction can begin in earnest, as she starts her attempts to take over aspects of the man’s life which directly affect his material interests. For example, purchase decisions can now be made “jointly” which, in the cool light of rational analysis, really are the result of the woman’s manipulation attempts and the man’s desire to maintain some semblance of peace in the household.

    Female Evolutionary Selfishness

“I am never satisfied no matter what you do or how hard you try.” This stage begins once the woman has succeeded in having her formerly-strong male open up to her emotionally. In this stage, any communication with her male partner is only for the purpose of deriving something useful for her and her children. At this stage she will exhibit a total disregard for the man’s psychological and material interests. The man will be put under the power of a strong and constant psychological double bind, along the lines of:

“If you don’t open up to me I am not satisfied. You don’t communicate with me.”

    simultaneous with

“As soon as you open up to me I will use the information you provide in a totally selfish way for my own needs.”

Either way, the end result for the male is usually guilt, shame, or confusion, finally giving way to resentment and anger. Assuming he takes her seriously — and most men do — he will get caught into an ongoing psychological mechanism, which will make him weaker and weaker, with terribly-negative results for her sexual attraction towards him. At this stage, he is no longer the strong male she admired at the beginning.

    Female Self-Determination

“I am full grown, independent woman now.” Of course, the female in the relationship never was a “little girl.” In the self-determination stage, however, another double bind — even more powerful than the preceding — will be thrown at the male. Once he starts to seek out the emotional communication that she had been asking for all along, she will begin to express sentiments such as she is feeling oppressed, or that the man is boring, or that he is too nice, or that he doesn’t understand her, and so on. Again, the usual effect of such feminine expressions on the man is bewilderment, shame and guilt.

If at this point the man decides that he does not care at all about what she says or does, she will assert that “he is not a loving husband/boyfriend” or “I cannot live with him because he does not understand me,” or “I do not feel anything for him anymore,” or “sex without communication is a turn off”; once again inducing some very negative feelings within the man.

In the Self-Determination Stage, the female expresses her resentment and dissatisfaction with the relationship. This happens virtually without exception in the case of male partners who have become progressively psychologically weaker with time.

Men who are able to pass through these stages without a corresponding decrease in their women’s sexual attraction towards them are exceptionally-strong men. These men avoid becoming psychologically weaker through the process. We believe that such men are more the exception than the norm. It is much better for nature to first create attraction between a male and a female and soon after have it decrease. That helps to ensure both a safe upbringing of the offspring as well as more sexual interactions with other sexual partners, which in turn results in more offspring and a wider spreading of genetic materials.

This is not much different from what happens with many animal species, including species where the female kills the male after copulation. In the case of humans, this “killing” happens on the psychological level. The killing of human males by their female partners is largely symbolic, but we must also take into account those men who take this process so seriously that they start to destroy their health through the abuse of alcohol or drugs, or start to abuse their partners, or even murder their partners or commit suicide.

In other words, permanently-monogamous sexual relationships are not necessarily natural. They are partly a modern, social construct. Or, put another way, they are a social construct, the evolutionary purpose of which lasts for as long as Nature considers it useful.

Manipulation End-Game

In traditional, male-dominated societies, if the female cannot leave the relationship when her attraction evaporates through the process discussed above, the end result is often clinical depression and/or cheating. Clinical depression occurs when her sexual attraction for her mate decreases or dies out completely, and she is prevented from having sex with other males by social restraint. The woman in this case has to face a practically impossible conflict between her emotions, which demand sexual satisfaction, and her societally-restrained behavior, which prohibits sexual satisfaction.

In modem, politically-correct societies, a common end result of the manipulation process is the woman ending the relationship, or acting in such a way that the man has no other choice but to end the relationship. Infidelity is very likely to happen in either case.

Psychological counseling and family therapy usually fail to help couples in this situation because they start from the shaky assumption that exclusive committed relationships are always “healthy” and that having sex with different partners is “sick.” They also fail miserably in detecting the slow and dangerous psychological process whereby the mind of the male is confronted with schizophrenic double messages from the female, which would be considered to fit the clinical definition of Borderline Personality Disorder by most experienced clinicians on the planet.

Usually what happens in therapy and psychological counseling in the western world is that the male is made to be the scapegoat of a process which has been actively maintained by the female. There are some professionals who understand this process better than most, but they often do not have the courage to speak out about it. On a meta-level, what is happening with this social process is simply another evolutionary mechanism, one which allows for more pregnancies and for the upbringing of children in the most viable way possible.

There is certainly a strong cultural influence at work here and it behooves men to understand these forces and to work hard to make themselves strong men who do not succumb easily to female manipulation. Above all, a man with children should start from the premise that he is an equally important and vital link to a child’s psychological well being. There are countless studies which show that statistically, children do better in every social and psychological respect when they enjoy the equal influences of a healthy male and a healthy female parent.

Although the onset, intensity and order of occurrence of each of these stages in the betaization process may vary from woman to woman, in our experience this process has occurred in every long-term relationship we are familiar with: ours, our friends, and our families, and in countless case studies that we have researched. In fact, this process is exactly the means by which women turn short-term relationships into long-term relationships. However, female manipulation is not difficult to counter once a man understands the process. Let’s revisit each stage in turn.

Testing never ends. Women test unconsciously. Testing is the woman’s primary method for determining congruency and for discerning a man’s authenticity; his ability to be genuine. Testing ceases to be an issue of any significant consequence when the man is fully congruent — both internally and externally. The woman will still always test, but once a man has it together, he will pass the woman’s tests without much effort or even realizing he is being tested.

Since testing is so closely related to the mechanisms controlling sexual attraction, it is important to remember that testing never ends. Maintaining an appropriate level of attraction within any romantic relationship is very important. One way we, the authors, maintain attraction with our mates is through regular, social interaction with other attractive females. For more information on why maintaining friendships with the opposite sex is important to your relationship, please see Chapter 19, “Male Qualities Attractive to Women.”

Seeking Communication is really her signal that she is suffering from emotional ambiguity. Most men view a woman’s pronouncement of “I don’t feel we are communicating” as a logical statement addressing the exchanging of facts — or a lack of such activity — between two people. It is not. It is an emotional statement involving her confusion and emotional disconnection from the relationship.

When the woman puts the blame on the man, this is normal, for two reasons. For one, women habitually blame their own emotional distress on external factors, thus absolving themselves from responsibility. When a man happens to be the most convenient “blame receptacle”, then he gets the blame. The second reason she does this is that she is actually making a request for masculine leadership. She wants her man to step up and deal with her out-of-control emotional state with mascvi-line strength, and without fear.

The only important word in any such statement coming from a woman is “feel.” It’s so important that in many cases it doesn’t matter what she feels, as long as it’s any emotion stronger than indifference. Anything with passion will do, as long as it’s followed up, in all cases, with the appropriate level of physical commitment. And always make sure that intense displays of passion are followed by intense displays of affection. Let’s be blunt: keep her well-sexed.

Being Put to Work can be stopped simply by saying “no.” Do it sometimes. Just say no! If your woman has become habituated to your instant obedience, then refusing a request is going to stop her in her tracks. She will literally not know what to do. Lots of drama could ensue, so be prepared.

Another way to handle her constant requests is in a spirit of teasing and fun. You can gently make fun of her being “bossy,” and so forth.

Yet another effective way to handle a woman’s attempts to put you to work is to negotiate with her. For example, if she demands that you take the kids shopping for clothes, you can kindly request that she prepare a special meal while you are gone. While tit for tat may seem thoroughly unromantic, by the time a man is in this situation, we believe the romance is far gone anyway. There is nothing to lose, and your self-respect to regain.

Best yet, be proactive and act like a leader: women want to feel useful and contribute to something meaningful. Spend some time to give your female counterpart meaningful work, ensuring that yon are the one who determines the direction of the family. You will find that agreeing on specific tasks becomes much easier. When you appreciate a good woman for her specific contribution, she will be delighted in her relationship, and feel she made an excellent selection in a man.

Evolutionary Selfishness is understandable when we consider that the female’s primary concern is always for her own well-being and that of her children, It is difficult — if not impossible — for most women to feel altruistic or merciful towards a grown man. Your role as the man is to be her protector, or to get out of her way. However, as a strong protector you have great value in the eyes of a healthy woman. So the key here is to assert your value and put a price tag on your leadership of her and the family. This means simply that you lead the relationship and continually give her tasks within the context of the relationship.

Putting a price to your leadership also means having your own moral standards, whereby it’s subcommunicated from the beginning and throughout the relationship that you, as a man, expect certain behaviors and certain types of treatment from the female, if she is to retain your interest in being her leader and protector. As we discussed in the chapters on Screening and Female Self-Esteem, certain women, obviously, will never he able to submit to male leadership, no matter how strong you are.

Self-Determination This stage is a very strong signal from the woman that — in her mind — the relationship has ended, or is about to end. She is effectively telling you that she no longer views the two of you as a unit. As difficult as it may seem, at this stage you may need to be prepared to let her go. Your best chance to salvage the relationship may be to start right back at the beginning; let her know that you are equally prepared to leave the relationship if you are not getting the respect and admiration that you want and deserve.

You never want to be in a position where you are chasing or begging a woman. Not only is that a pathetic position for a man to find himself in, but any shred of sexual attraction that had remained in the woman will be completely destroyed by such actions.

In reality, a man can survive just about anything, including the ending of a cherished relationship. Therefore, consider this stage as the ultimate test of how much of a man you really are. If you fail this test, the game is over with this particular woman.

*************************

That has got to be the best relationship quote I’ve ever read.

And it brings up something that’s been on my mind; how timeless and constantly rediscovered all this stuff is.

For instance this “This means simply that you lead the relationship and continually give her tasks within the context of the relationship.” is something that was my “original” insight on my blog years ago. I put it as “always be giving commands”.

Hat tip to SJF for the quote.

Women love and orgasm pragmatically – why this means beta bucks is simplistic

“Women love opportunistically” – Xsplat

The implications of this are usually ignored.

Women give value to men based on a variety of signals, as we all know. Muscular fitness is an independent signal from financial status which is independent from diamond core confidence. What messes with MOST peoples heads is the word AND. MOST people do not have the mental wiring to be able to string together independent variables with the word AND.

AND brings us a very complicated weave of overlapping and mixing and dynamically changing variables. Attraction does not reduce down from money to a core of confidence, and two equally confident men in SOME situations will not have the same attraction results, if other variables differ, such as facial attractiveness, social power, height, etc.

If you truly understand that women love opportunistically, you can’t have a black and white idea of alpha fucks and beta bucks.

Because some of what women LOVE will make them orgasm more.

There was a large study done in China that concluded that women orgasm MUCH more for wealthy men.

It did not conclude that women don’t orgasm for poor men, or that no poor men cause as many orgasms as the richest men. It concluded that wealth, on average, was correlated with an increase in women’s SEXUAL response.

So the LOVE that women have, which is towards a weighted average, is both PRAGMATIC, AND SEXUAL.

Would western college aged girls on average orgasm more for wealthy men? Maybe. Maybe not.

The context will make a difference on what is pragmatic to the girl. The girl might not be in a position where wealth from a man is much of a pragmatic advantage.

But if it were a PRAGMATIC advantage, she would not love the man FOR his money, she would love the man WITH money.

Her subconscious would perform a calculation of value, and AFTER that calculation inform her what to FEEL.

And then she’d be more likely to orgasm, because that’s the pragmatic thing to do, with more valuable men.

***

If you are inclined to disagree with the above, please read this to see if we are actually in more agreement than we thought:

It has been scientifically carefully and repeatedly studied that our confirmation bias increases as soon as we state an opinion.

I’ve met some teachers who have noticed this in their own lives, and have complained of becoming unstoppably fixed in their views and arrogant. One teacher explained to me that this was not actually his fault, because it was the human condition, and that if I was ever a teacher it would happen to me too.

I also understand that in order to persuade someone, if you come across as the adversary, they will dig in their heels and defend their point of view.

And if a guy comes across as a braggart who is out to AMOG (show off and one up and put others down), no matter what he says might simply rub people the wrong way. It’s not about about what he says any more. He’s just unlikeable, and seems disagreeable, and therefore should be disagreed with, on principle. I feel that way towards many, many people, and I discount useful views all the time, because I don’t like the personalities who hold those views.  I’m primed to disagree, and every sentence they write primes me more.

None the less, I think it’s extremely pragmatic, to take a fresh look at the alpha fucks beta bucks meme. Could it be a truth in the exact same way that an independent variable such as muscles increase attraction is a truth? A partial truth, that intersects with others, depending on context?

It doesn’t cost any money to change your mind.

There actually isn’t much social penalty, to alter ones viewpoint.

I do come across with my ideas in an adversarial way. That’s on me. You know? That’s my fault.

That has nothing to do with changing your own opinion.

And it really is the human condition that we are not wired to change our opinions.

It’s MUCH easier to formulate coherent ideas than it is to adjust them.

It’s MUCH easier to formulate blog posts, than it is to interact skilfully in the comments section in a way that listens without bias.

Why I believe that married men lie to themselves about not wanting flings

In recent comments at Rollo’s blog, some married men took offence at my declaration that deep down all men want some sexual variety, and that the only reason that married men don’t pursue young strange is because of not knowing how to.

I’ll admit right now I could be wrong about this presumption.  But I’m going to explain why I have it.

I think sour grapes is a gigantic drive in how the brain works. Why have unrealistic expectations? That can only lead to pain.  Want is a painful emotion, and there is much life satisfaction to be gained by accepting things as they are.  And yet realistic ambitions are what lead to positive improvements.  So our brain is wired to strike a balance between ambition and denying the value of ambitions we can not realistically reach.

Sour grapes is wired right into how we think.  We do not allow ourselves to value valuable things, if we think we can’t get those things.  “I didn’t want those those unreachable grapes, they were probably sour anyway”, is not just something stupid people say.  It’s the human condition.

But the thing is, women work in collusion to hypnotize men into believing that their realistic options are much smaller than they really are.  They work extremely hard to make men think that they will break up with them if they are not monogamous.  That young women will not date them if they are old.

And men internalize these female cultural messages as if they were their own thoughts.  They internalize that it is abnormal for older men to go after younger girls, and that younger girls would not be physically attracted anyway, and that there would be a high price to pay in their own marriage if they tried.  They arrange the story such that they didn’t want those grapes anyway.

Some married men have so internalized their own cage, that even imagining being in a non-fenced relationship conjures up all sorts of crazy fantasies about how fucked up and horrible that would be.

On the blog comments I heard from older married men that  in order to remain interested in dating several young women, an older man would need to be:
1) hormonally imbalanced
2) experiencing an identity crisis
3) have fucked up life priorities
4) have impractical hopes and expectations
5) obsessed and addicted
6) be into that for the purpose of bragging

You don’t hear most men say the rational and realistic thing: “Yes, that would actually be pretty cool to have flings with young women who turn me on and are into me, but I choose not to after weighing up the balances of pros and cons. That would come at too high a cost to me personally, even though I could see it would be enjoyable.”

Instead you see people who have internalized their own cage fighting to protect that cage.

Now it may actually be the case that some men truly have no desire to have sex with young attractive women.

I personally don’t believe it’s true.  I’ve heard many men claim this is true for them, and I deny that they are accurately self reporting their own emotions.  I could be wrong, but I’ve explained my reasons for this belief.

I’m also going to amend my original claim.  The reason married men don’t persue young women is because they don’t know how to without too much damage to the rest of their life.  So there are two separate and overlapping reasons; 1) they may see young women as out of reach, and 2) they don’t have the multiple long term relationship skills to be able to manage more than one relationship, especially with their current wife.  It can be one, the other, or both.

Even as I age out of the dating marketplace, I’m nowhere near my peak lifetime potential

One of my girls is causing drama, phoning and threatening the other two in her city.  I’ve had to next her.

A girl that I’m bonded and in love with, but for whom I have a bit less sexual chemistry, agreed to meet me, after she had broken up with me for seeing other girls, and I was away from Bali for 8 months.  She has never had sex with anyone other than me.  She’s about 26 years younger than me. I’m very emotional about her.   I’m the type of guy whose emotions can’t be hidden; my eyes tear up out of happiness, my face flushes red out of embarrassment.

On the first night she limited my groping away from her nipples.  The next day she insisted on a condom.  At first.  She has a very difficult time understanding how I can be in love with her but refuse not to stop fucking other girls.  Every time I say anything about her, she bounces it back with “that’s what you say to all the girls”.

V is so sweet.  Very emotional, very romantic.  Very bright and funny. I have some feelings for her that I don’t have for anyone else right now.

Only with her do I get to be witty.

I very occasionally go out hunting.  Most of the time I don’t even make one approach.  I rarely get any IOIs, and in fact can’t even catch a glance most of the time.  When I’m not outright invisible I get actual scowls of disdain, just for daring be taking up space.

Lately I’ve been getting messages from some girl I handed my business card to.  She’s small and my type – I only approach girls who I’d want to see on a regular basis.  At first I assumed it was the drama girl, trying to entrap me, so I ignored it.  But as of today a date has been set up for when I return to Java.  Nice timing – I can drop the drama girl without any change in the number of companions.

You may notice that within this narrative is an underlying theme, and principle.  If a man holds his frame, at all costs, things can work out far better than how women SAY they will.  And no matter what you think your sexual value, you can punch above your weight.  And up your value to punch yet higher still.  And you can do that far longer than other others will tell you.  I expect to still be dating young women when I’m 70 years old.  Some of them may be my current companions.  Even though they’ll be pushing or even past forty, a girl gets bonus points for history.

Being old does not necessarily mean you can’t still date attractive young women.

Being non-monogamous does not necessarily mean that women will not remain deeply romantically and sexually attached to you.

A man can hold his frame.  It would amaze most people how much weight holds up under a strong frame.

Women will threaten every possible thing they can to keep a man monogamous.  Some will resort to threats of theft, police, and physical violence, against you or the women in your life.  Most will threaten abandonment.  And yet if a woman is bonded and attracted to you, she will feel compelled to keep seeing you, even if it causes her frequent tears.

It’s very difficult for me to get dates.  I plan to order a wig today, as there is not much hair left.  Sometime this year I may get something done about the heavy wrinkles in my face.

But even without the wig and surgery, and even being short and ugly and bald and old, and even with already having four lovers who fight over me, I’m nowhere near close to my sexual marketplace potential.  Even without further building up my businesses and pipeline – but just now with what I have, I am only scratching the surface.

Some percentage of cool and interesting attractive young women would continue to fall for me, as I am, and put up with and even join in on my sexual shenanigans.

I’m going to need to slot in some time for handing out more cards.

 

Rollo Tomassi thinks all old men must pay for young ass

In response to my re-posting this post  (excerpt from post)

Either you are fucking multiple attractive young women who are in love with you, or you do not understand and do not have the skill sets involved.

There is no such thing as a man who could do that but chooses not to.  A fox sees grapes he can’t reach, and then tells himself those grapes were sour anyway.

And then he tell himself that all other foxes are deluded if they think they are getting high grapes.   “Your girlfriends are not really having orgasms you idiot!  Even though I have never met you or your girls, I know that!  God, how dumb can you be to think you are actually getting high grapes!”

on Rollo’s blog, and tweeting a link to it on my years old twitter account, Rollo replied:

[TL;DR Rollo is full of shit because he’s married. YaReally is too because he isn’t married yet. Read me instead because.

You aren’t full of shit. And the shit you are full of is not because you are married.

Read for comprehension.

You confuse some of your shit with the rest of your insights because you are not seducing and fucking young ass.

Or because you are too whipped to admit you are fucking young ass.

Take your choice.

Hehe,..I guess I should feel honored you’d start a Twitter account just to tell me all of that X.

From what I remember though, you’ve been ‘buying’ young ass in SEA for some time now. I’m not sure how that constitutes ‘seducing’ young ass, but hey, if you feel that what I write should be disregarded as ‘bad teaching’ because I’ve been married for 20 years, you can always look to Roosh for inspiration on how to live a rewarding life.

I still love you X. Yours has always been one of my earliest blog reads and I still pop over from time to time.

I agree with you that not censoring is the best method, because it shows the nature of the beast.

You have in your comment proved my point.

You believe that even though you have not met me or my girls, that I am lying about my personal experience. You HAVE to believe that.

Because YOU are not fucking young ass, it means I am paying for it.

That is exactly my point. You do not have a clue how to fuck young ass. And therefore you have no choice but to assume that I’m paying for it.

Discussion with commentors continues from here.  It’s surprising to me how much resistance many guys have even to the very idea of being with much younger women.  It must be about an identity crisis!  It must be about hormonal imbalance!  It must be about way out of whack priorities!  It must be this or that or that or this – but not about how great and life improving it is to be naked with young women.

People absolutely can’t stand having ambitions that seem out of reach, and will go so far as to deny other people the possibility that others have and are reaching good ambitions that they dare not have.

Why I don’t hire teachers. And why you should not study from teachers.

I’m bootstrapping a small startup, and so interview for new hires every few days.  Every day I spend an hour or two going through applications.

I sometimes come across people who don’t know how to be career oriented.  They might stay too long in a job that does not advance their skills, or jump around between unrelated fields, or work at jobs that don’t match their potential.  They work at places because they need a job, not in order to advance their career.

I used to be the same way.  In Canada you needed to graduate from grade 13 high school in order to go on to university.  Grade 12 counted as a High School diploma, and that’s all I got.  After that I lounged around the house for most of a year, before getting a series of temp manual labor jobs.  I had zero career ambitions.  My ambition was to move to a Buddhist mountain retreat or monastery.

But as an employer, I have gained a different perspective.  It’s required of me to be able to understand career ambition.  I need ambitious employees who want to work near the peak of their potential, and who can grow and learn and develop along with my company, constantly refining their skills to stay relevant and cutting edge in a competitive cut throat marketplace.

Sometimes I’ll look at a resume and see that the person went straight from school into teaching.  Or they dabbled in working in their field, before moving into teaching.

Teachers are not useful to me.

You’d think that a teacher of PHP programming would be a great hire if I needed a PHP programmer.  It doesn’t work that way.  In class, you are teaching the same thing, over and over.  You are stuck at the beginners level, by design.

Only in industry are you forced to face novel situations, and only in industry is it adapt now or die.  In academia your students can’t easily evaluate the value of your teaching, and unless you have a large faculty specializing in teaching PHP programming, neither will your peers.  Even if they cared to.

I once had some specialty chemistry commissioned from a university lab.  They were affronted that I demanded a budget, and said that in Academia it doesn’t work like that.  They not only resisted, but acted insulted.  They explained that they were used to an open ended unlimited budget.  It costs what it costs and takes as long as it takes.  When I explained that I had to know the costs first before deciding if I wanted to start the project, they acted as if I was insane, and refused to even calculate the cost of materials.

I interviewed a business major and professor recently.  He agreed that he had no practical experience at all – all his experience was theoretical and only within the classroom.

Can you learn how to fuck by reading Penthouse and watching porn?  Can you learn advanced PHP programming by teaching PHP classes?

School is a preparation for learning how to work hard and consistently against deadlines.  It teaches some thinking skills, and some practical knowledge.  It is PREPRATORY.  After school comes the real training, which occurs on the job.

Companies that hire fresh graduates consciously do so in order to find that one in 10 hire who is the blockbuster of productivity.  He won’t know his value, and can be paid much less than the man who spent 10 years carefully honing his skills on a well planned career track.  These blockbuster hires make it worth the expense of hiring and training (and usually eventually firing) the other nine.

Fresh graduates are useful if they are extremely talented.  Otherwise it usually takes years of focused development before they are good at their job.  And this gets reflected in their salary, and in their job title.  A Senior PHP developer can earn more than twice as much as a fresh graduate.

Most companies can’t afford to gamble on blockbusters or wait years for their staff to to grow into their potential, and so hire the most experienced and proven staff that they can afford.  No amount of university training counts as experience, whether it’s being trained or training others.

I’m writing this post because it’s the perfect metaphor for the act of teaching about relationships between men and women.

If a man is not currently actively dating, and yet is teaching about relationship dynamics, then he is an academic.

Academics do not know that they do not know.  Instead they think they know more!  Academia is insular and self referential, and this has been an open joke ever since there was academia.  Academia and industry are like Penthouse vs Sex.

There are good, and even great academics.  And yet we have the saying “Those that can, do.  Those that can’t, teach.”  If someone is ONLY an academic, even a great academic, then he can’t do.  He can’t even know.  It’s not possible to be good at any field and ONLY teach about it.

If someone is married, and is trying to explain about relationship dynamics, he is an academic.

I don’t hire academics, because they have chosen the career path of being deliberately stuck.  Academics are treading water.  They think they have a broader perpsective, by virtue of thinking about things, but are just stuck in a very narrow and limited world.  The more they teach the same thing over and over, the more they mistake the map for the territory.  Their maps over time become loaded with sign posts that are jargon words that mean so very much to their students and to other academics, but so much less to those in industry.  “Stages of mating”.  “Hypergamy”.  “Alpha fucks and beta bucks”.

So that’s my warning.  Learn relationships from those that have the types of relationships that you strive for.

Would you like to have multiple attractive women in their most peak years in love and devoted to you?

Then don’t study about relationships from a married man .  Especially if his wife is of a similar age!

My god, I can’t imagine how a man with a similar aged WIFE expects to be and is taken seriously, when talking about how to relate with women.  Jesus what a waste of potential!  A guy would need to be blind not to notice young ass, and incompetent not to tap it.  On the regular. Or whipped or low libido.  Which are both much worse than being blind or incompetent.

And unless you want a similar lifestyle, don’t take on as a mentor a PUA.  From what I see all PUAs have a paltry sex life, and none have a bottom bitch, let alone several women who pray devotedly from their hearts and other warm spots at the alter of his lingam.  A top PUA might in one of the best months of his career score 10 girls and have sex maybe 15 times. And he’ll have to work very hard for it, using up a lot of his limited time and energy.  Whereas a guy with a harem of devoted women may have sex several times a day with different women.  And most of it will be much better quality sex.  Just by inviting his girls over, or doing a circuit between their apartments.  And he’ll never have to cook or clean.

The PUA lifestyle is in industry.  It’s practical and hands on.  The married lifestyle is a communist industry – no competition at all, and you can be wasteful and inefficient and incompetent and clueless and still think things are fine and dandy.

I strongly believe that PUA and being married are both extremes.  To be functioning at peak potential by definition means that one is neither monogamous for more than a few years nor a full time playboy.

A man needs BOTH variety, and deep and stable intimacy.  That really should be fucking obvious.

PUAs can’t know about intimacy, and married men can’t know about dating.  Both positions are too extreme.  There is not the overlap that people at the extreme ends assume.  Most of the skills for LTRs are vastly different than PUA skills.  And PUA skills are also highly specialized, and not learned through LTRs.

And multiple long term relationship skills are again a different skill set.  No PUA or married man is going to have more than a sniff of a clue about MLTR skills.  But most will assume they are experts anyway.  And won’t be shy to teach you what they don’t know.

Academics.

Either you are fucking multiple attractive young women who are in love with you, or you do not understand and do not have the skill sets involved.

There is no such thing as a man who could do that but chooses not to.  A fox sees grapes he can’t reach, and then tells himself those grapes were sour anyway.

And then he tell himself that all other foxes are deluded if they think they are getting high grapes.   Your girlfriends are not really having orgasms you idiot!  Even though I have never met you or your girls, I know that!  God, how dumb can you be to think you are actually getting high grapes!

Either you are dating now, or you do not understand dating now.

Having dabbled in dating long ago and retired means you are not industry relevant now.  No matter how many people you talk to who are in industry.  Having specialized industry skill in one area is not transferable to another.  And deep down, we all want to be neither a PUA nor monogamous forever to the same woman.  I firmly believe that.

And anyone who says that he is an MGTOW guy who does not want or need women is a liar and a loser.

MGTOW guys are like born again Christians.  They must devote a lot of time to proselytizing, because deep down they can’t believe their own bullshit, and the only way to maintain the faith is by splainin and splainin and communing and communing.

Nope.  All men want what is the most valuable asset that has ever been.  Young attractive women.  And we all want these precious assets to adore and be owned by us.

And ONLY men who consistently maintain what we all truly want are in the industry, and worthy of hiring by you, to be your teacher.

Related: Why Rollo’s therationalmale.com is an MGTOW site that is trying to keep you down

Humble-brag. I suck at interviews because I keep blabbing inspiration

I’m really into my businesses.  I have vision, and am articulate, and am passionate.

I interview a few people each day for new positions, and instead of probing their personalities and talents, I go on and on about my business.

It hypnotizes people.  I may as well admit that I have a talent for sucking people into my world.  I have a vast and detailed visualization about what my world is, and what it could be.  It’s seductive.  It’s a great world.  I want to be a part of it.  You would want to be a part of it.  Everybody wants to be a part of it.  Give me a few moments, and you will ask for more moments, until we will be dreaming about our certain future.

I can convince you, because I am convinced.  My dreams are crystal solid.  You will love my dreams.  Around me you will start to smell and touch my dreams. You will want to be a part of making them happen.

This isn’t a talent I tried to develop.  It’s an offshoot of optimism and belief in my own projects.  I’m not manipulative.  It’s totally genuine.  But back off a bit, and it’s way manipulative.  I’m really, really good at inspiring people.

It’s got to be unconscious skill.  When I interview applicants, they wind up wired and inspired.  Geared up and pumped up.  They want to work here, and they want to work for me.  Over the next few months they want my feedback.  They want performance reviews.  They want interviews.  I’m the big pappa, and they want my time.

Surely I’m doing the inteviews all wrong.  I’m not asking enough questions.  I’m not filtering well.

I am so personally inspired, I can’t stop myself from talking about how inspired I am.  In every little detail.  It rubs off. I could go on for hours, but it’s really interesting stuff, and people don’t get bored.  They get more and more interested.

This is an obvious humble-brag.  It’s a good talent.  But I wind up having to fire people that were not properly screened.

As my team grows, it gives me momentum and credibility and resources.  A business is a chicken and new hires are an egg; you can’t hire good talent without an established business chicken.   And you can’t afford to pay salaries without a chicken.  And if you are growing from cash flow, all business chickens are carefully grown from eggs.

So I have to hire crappy people to attract mediocre people to attract good people, all the while earning an overall profit while dragging around dead weight.

My idea at this point is to have my current mediocre talent help me screen the new hires.   I can’t help but blab on and on inspirational messages to the interiewees I mesh with.  They get all pumped up and therefore I attract talent out of my league.  My staff may be able to then screen on the second and third interviews, before the 3 month trial.  After which I’ll be happy to fire.

What drugs you should do, what life stage you should be at.

In case you have not noticed, I have a common weakness. When I see some thing inside myself that could be developed or aggrandized, I write a post as if I’m an expert on the subject.

I have some habits in writing. I embody a persona when I write. Forgetting all about other personas.

Have you ever done any drug?

The creative types are famous to be into heroin. It increases creativity. Check out what percentage of jazz musicians shoot up. It not merely cultural.

What about copy-writers? Pot. And booze. Is it a culture of drunk writers, or does drinking make your first draft wider?

I am this person. Until I am in that context. Until I’m on 50 micrograms of LSD. Or until I’m infatuated with a fresh teenageer. Until I’ll be introduced to the CEO of Plastics Incorporated.

When I was 17 me and a friend “went sane” on LSD. Our realization was that if we only had the opportunity to at will change places with a tree or a hedgehog or a sales executive, we could have realized that reality had an underlying principle. A principle that awareness has a nakedness to it; that even neurotic thoughts had a basis that was not neurotic. That awareness itself had a quality.

As this insight slipped away over the coming days, I felt the need to know and embody more of what I had touched on.

Through study of meditative philosophies and the deepest possible meditative practice that I could embody, I developed beliefs. That I no longer hold. I’m less interested now to know and understand the ultimate question and the ultimate answer. I feel a bit silly now that I had expectations to know.

But you can’t know what you don’t know anymore than you can know what you are unlikely to ever know. I had to try. For a while it seemed I was involved in deep natures.

On stimulants you’ll understand better than your other selves about focus, drive, and future orientation. To the extend that you still identify with who you used to be, you’ll feel naive and  mildly embarrassed for ever being so distracted.

On pot you’ll be here and now and feel stupid for ever being anything else. You’ll appreciate a massage as if every micro-moment is the incarnation of incarnation.

If you tend to being wrapped up in yourself, drinking will unfold your petals and you’ll be proud that your essence enhances the smell of the party.  Now you can dance.  Now you are among the among.

The brain holds unlimited personas and potentials, as we see in our dreams. But dreams often hide inside forgoten spaces. Drugs force dream variety into wakefulness.

I’m sitting down at a streetside cafe. The menu is presented. Do I want to be a successful entreprenuer? Do I want to be a living in the world enlightened Yogi? Do I want to be a Chi-Kung Sexual Savant? Do I want to be a free as a bird traveling lover of yum?

When I was 17 and did that LSD trip with my friend, I did go sane. I did realize Buddha nature. There is an underlying priciple, and monkeys and men are all trapped within context. Awareness itself is something. We are too distracted to see it.

At the same time, you can have had orgies, you can have developed businesses, you can have lived under a bridge, all in the same lifetime. You can have developed deep meditative awareness and lost it. Over time we switch between contexts. Just like I wished we could, and just like I imagined would lead to a profound insight.

I doubt that the hoped for insight could have been more than an ephemeral shock outside of context. This post is about the value of shifting context. The fact that we are many personas. The fact that drugs help us to shift.

* Post written drunk. The first time in six months.  The sobering up personas edited.  It was a collaboration.

Alfred Hitchcock Presents deserves to be taught in history and sociology classes.

I’ve been watching Alfred Hitchcock Presents over these last few days. What an eye opener. All these new-fangled game techniques and social insights are old hat. I’ve been impressed by classic movies before, but was surprised at the consistency of quality Hitchcock manages to get, using different writers and actors over so many episodes.  The level of sophistication in understanding the human condition is superb.

Hitchcock made a point of having a macabre humor, and the series is laced with the bitter sweet ugliness of the human condition. Cheating husbands and wives, greed and murder. With occasional love and redemption. The series holds up perfectly well in this modern world.

I suppose one must develop a macabre sense of humor if one is to be clear eyed.

The 30 minute episodes change actors, writers, and directors, and yet each are infused with a grandfathers depth of wisdom.  He doesn’t pander to pretty social expectations, and instead expects a lot from his audience.  I have to conclude that people were more socially savy back in the day. Stuff it takes top notch manosphere bloggers to come up with as original insights used to simply be common knowledge that everyone took for granted.

It’s a useful education to get some context to our age. The more that changes, the more that stays the same.


Hitchcock makes young social conservatives come across as hopelessly naive. Cluelessly and stridently pining for a world that never was. Having endless fainting spells over the human condition. Acting as if the world has changed, or as if some new insight has been articulated.

It’s easy to get tunnel vision and focus on divorce stats, or be alarmed at graphs that chart single motherhood. But step back to get some context, and you’ll see that “society” changes very little, because human nature is barely influenced by culture or setting. Opportunities change, and people follow changing opportunities, but people are as predictable now as they ever were.

People talk about infidelity as if it’s some new trend.

People talk about “the sexual revolution”, as if there were only one. There have been hundreds, if not thousands of them. The roaring twenties. Bohemian Paris. Medieval peasant ritual orgies. Roman orgies.

We have the same major themes now as we ever did. Falling in and out of love and lust. The desire for fidelity from mates while at the same time having the desire to not always be faithful. Greed at the expense of others. There was no golden age or location where these were not foundational motives for action. The idea of a “society” is such a silly and naive construct, that good literature and movies pierce. Over and over movies tear apart the illusion that we have a society. And yet people continue to fiercely cling to the belief and fiercely advocate that others follow their morals.

Society is only the behaviour that we wish other people would adopt. Nothing more. Individuals act selfishly. Because of this, old movies will always show our current world.

Digital nomads aiming for $2000/month keep trying to buy a clue

I’ve been a serial entrepreneur since I was a boy, and have supported myself since my early twenties.

I hear people mentioning a digital nomad income goal of 1, 2, or 3 thousand dollars per month.

That goal will ensure failure. Most businesses are cyclical, and a low income means you have nothing to invest into R&D, talented help, and diversifying. Mediocrity is death.

Your goal needs to be at least $1000 per day.

And the reason to have THAT goal, is so that you can continue to reinvest and diversify, so that you can earn 1 million per month.

A low goal means you can not think clearly about how to make money. You ensure that your efforts are wasted. And as other commenters mentioned, any specific actionable entrepreneurial advice that you come across is bad advice.

The only useful advice is broad.
1) work hard every waking hour
2) hire or work for the most talented and hard working people you can attract
3) take risks

It’s correct that a business is about filling a need. I agree that products or services are the way to go. Some people make money with ebooks and blogs and online content, but it’s rarely more money than a plumber can make. There is money to be made in teaching people how to make money, but that’s exactly the same as selling lottery tickets. It’s willfully selling stupidity tax. It’s a pure pyramid scheme. Amway. Lot’s of money in that, but it’s not adding value.

Sustainable businesses are about adding value, and so are sustainable lifestyles. Hope and entertainment are valuable to some, and are big businesses. But the big money in hope and entertainment comes at the top of the pyramid. It’s easier to break into product and service industries.

The easiest thing about being an entrepreneur is having ideas about what businesses to get into. Great ideas are cheap and endless. I have a long list of very good business ideas, and it continues to grow.

The longer you are an entrepreneur, the better you will become at spotting and creating great opportunities.

The difficult part is the action. That often requires momentum from previous action, especially if you are growing from your own cash flow.

A person has to start somewhere, and it’s usually with low or no investment beginnings. None the less, edit your entrepreneurial ideas and limit your actions to businesses that can realistically earn at least $1000 per day.

And just because some other blog or forum or social media software became big, does not mean those are realistic businesses. There are too many uncontrollable variables involved in the popularity of user content generated social media. Unless you have a huge advertising budget. And just as in the publishing industry, author generated content on average pays poorly. Do you want to bet on your own horse? The best risk/reward for writing comes from copywriting for selling goods or services.

And as for tropical MBA, his business plan is to sell hope lottery tickets. It’s a lucrative business.

It’s easy for the uneducated to be unable to differentiate between valuable and distracting education.

I myself lost years of time and investment to an open source education site, called blackhatworld.

NOBODY CAN SELL YOU USEFUL BUSINESS INFORMATION.

There is no such thing as open source information capitalism. That does not change by having limited memberships.

If an idea is scalable, then it is scalable. If it is not, then you sell the idea. Therefore any idea you purchase is not scalable, or has already passed it’s usefulness.

ALL entrepreneurial information is entrepreneurial ONLY to the man who is charging money for it.

If you want to be an entrepreneur, don’t expect to be spoonfed. The only way to truly learn from others is to be a protege, and that will require working long and hard hours for a mentor, earning him money. There is no online club or secret society that can help you. That will only distract you and cost you time.

What you can learn from others will be broad enough to apply across many industries. You can learn the art of persuasion. You can learn about business management. You can’t learn about what business to do or the steps involved in doing them. Those who retain hope for that are subject to naivete tax.

This post is from a comment I left on the NN forum

Being an entrepreneur is being a full time professional gambler

Risk isn’t risk unless it’s risk.

When entrepreneurs advocate risk, it means something. They aren’t just being edgy.

Yes, keeping a nest egg is important. And yes, a nest egg can take many forms; at a certain level it is ones fame for being able to make money.

I have my own money that I don’t touch. I have redundancy. I won’t starve if some of my businesses fail. I have solid business plans that I’m confident about. But I’m still going all in, in that all my resources (not including an emergency nest egg) are directed towards business growth, and I have next to no cash flow buffer.

When planes were coming back from battle with bullet holes in certain parts, engineers first thought that those were the parts that needed reinforcing, because they could see that they were most vulnerable to and got hit with the most bullets.  Later they realized that it was the bullet holes NOT in the places they saw that crashed the planes.  This is called survivorship bias.  What survives does not directly point to what is failing.

But in business, we do study the commonalities of the successful.  Survivorship is exactly what a person needs to study, IF HE IS WILLING TO LOSE. It is not survivorship bias, if you are completely aware of and willing to accept real loss as part of the process of success

Risk is real. The fundamental value of risk is a common thread in the narrative of nearly every entrepreneur.

Real risk, by definition, means that many times the entrepreneur fails. Statistics show that failure can be expected 90% of the time.

As I’ve explained before, 90% is an acceptable failure rate. An entrepreneur can function and even thrive, EXPECTING that failure rate.

Survivorship is not about entrepreneurs who succeeded, vs those that failed and then went on to live ordinary lives, working for some other company, or scraping by in a modestly successful new venture. Survirvorship is about getting back on the horse.

A great many entrepreneurs went from rags to riches to rags to riches to rags to riches. It’s just part of the game. There is no failure in entrepreneurship. There is no survivor vs non survivor. There is only trying again. And again. And again.

I’ve seen the archetype of the rags to riches to rags entrepreneur on sit coms many times. Sometimes he is portrayed as fundamentally a loser. A loser because he is at heart a gambler. A genius gambler.

Well, yes. That’s what entrepreneurialism is. It’s being a genius full time professional gambler. You know the odds, and you expect to lose, but you know that often enough you’ll win. It’s a discipline of risk.

Taking risks means being willing to lose 90% of the time, and to keep trying again. And again.

And then AFTER succeeding, to risk again. Rinse and repeat.

entrepreurialism

This image is not complete.  There is no final win.  After the win comes the next series of fails, then another win, and so on.

Transcript of this 10 second clip with Elon Musk:

My proceeds from Paypal after tax were about 180 million dollars. One hundred of that went into SpaceX, 70 went into Tesla, and 10 into went into Solar City. And I literaly had to borrow money for my rent.



Eventually there are multiple businesses, with many failing, and the ones that succeed acting as venture capital for new ventures.

Venture capitalists also expect failure from most of their investments.  As do movie studios.  As do publishing houses.  As do drug companies.

It’s the blockbusters that fund the “failures”.  Failure is not failure.  It is just the cost of doing business.  It is factored right in to the model of success.

No producer ever expects any particular movie to lose money.  And yet the movie business model is that most movies will lose money.  No editor expects any one book to lose money,  but they all expect most books to lose money.  Entrepreneurs are always confident that each attempt will be a success.  And yet it’s not a contradiction that he knows that overall, most investments will not be successful.

You can call the blockbusters luck, but it’s not like stumbling on money in the street.  It’s luck in the same way an oil company striking oil is luck.  Eighty percent of the time, even after careful surveys, they strike nothing.  An actor or  musician might become an overnight sensation, after decades of grinding away at honing their talent, and constantly exposing themselves to lucky breaks.  If you read Steve Martins autobiography, you can’t call his grind and rise to the top luck.  He kept honing his craft, while creating chance after chance for himself.  Roll the dice often enough and you’ll roll four sixes.  Was the big roll lucky?

Most stories told by the very successful are stories of long hours and big risks.  But it’s not black and white.

My cousin adheres to the rule that he must take 3 months holiday every year. He insists that it increases his productivity.  He is a multi millionaire with tens of thousands of staff earning him money.

There have been many productivity studies that show that after a certain number of hours worked, productivity does not increase.

And yet the bulk of success stories are from men who don’t fit into the middle ground of the productivity bell curve. The most successful are either innately able to work more productive hours than other people, or they learn how to.

Entrepreneurs hone their skills while increasing their financial momentum, and are always poised to seize the moment.  There are plenty of lucky moments to seize.  Being an entrepreneur is being in the business of spotting luck – of spotting opportunity.  Opportunity is an unlimited resource.  I have noticed more opportunities than I could ever develop.

Spotting great opportunities is a skill that can be learned, and so is executing them.  As the skills grows, so too does the financial momentum that allows action.

Nothing stands still in business.  Innovate or die.  Recreate yourself or die.  Diversify or die.

And no amount of money is ever enough.  There is no such thing as a financial goal.  Even owning all of time and space would not do it, because there would still be inventions to discover and create within that time and space.  There is no such thing as retirement, just as there is no such thing as not being turned on by young women.  As long as a man is breathing, he wants to fuck hot girls, and earn more money.  Procreate, gain power, and make a mark.

As failing or going out of style is the expected outcome of most entrepreneurial activity, the most useful skill a budding entrepreneur can have is to limit expenses.  If you can live on next to nothing, you can more easily survive while you continue to fail.

If an entrepreneur puts in the hours, and can live cheaply when the chips are down, and continues to work full time on his businesses, success is only a matter of time.  That time might be measured in decades.  It does not matter.  An entrepreneur KNOWS that success is only a matter of time.  He is not guessing.  He is not hopeful.  He KNOWS it.

He can be penniless at 40 and KNOW that his decades of entrepreneurial efforts are worth more than a lifetime of scrupulous retirement savings.  What is 1/2 million in savings, compared to the certainty of an eventual larger annual income?

And why settle for mediocrity?

“Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm.” – Sir Winston Churchill

Elon Musk’s tips. 1) Work hard every waking hour

Elong Musks tips:

  1. Work hard every waking hour
  2. Do everything you can to attract great people.  Either join a group you respect or gather great people.
  3. Focus on making the product better.  R&D over advertising.
  4. Don’t reason by analogy, instead reason from fundamental principles

Bonus tip:

  • Now is the time to take risks.

When you have a hammer, everything looks like a nail.  Now that I’m working harder, I’m seeing that the type of drive it takes to have great financial success is extreme, obsessive, and excludes many options from life.  Autobiographies and biographies again and again explain the incredible focus, determination and sheer number of hours put in.  I watched a 30 Rock re-run last night, and Jack and his type A personality girlfriend broke up their torrid affair due to it conflicting with their work schedules.  They were already married to their jobs.

That’s a common theme in the push for success.  There are only so many hours in a day, and you can’t build a flying all terrain supertanker.  If you want to make a machine do one thing better than all other machines, that machine is going to specialize.  If you want great business success then you must specialize your whole life towards that.

If you want to start a company, and have it be great, Elon Musk says that you need to “Work hard, every waking hour”.  He used the example of dedicating every single available resource to the task at hand.  He then built on the original idea of working hard, and explained that to succeed it’s essential to find other people who can also work hard.  He again developed from the original idea of working, hard, and talked about the aspect of hard work that is focus;  dedicate every available resource to the primary focus, which is the product.  He then moved on to explain HOW to think when working hard.  Be original, don’t follow the herd, don’t think by analogy, reason from first principles.  And then again, restating how to work hard; take risks.  Taking a risk means putting up more than you want to lose, in a non-certain gamble.  Going all in.

Put every available resource towards the single minded vision.  And then gather great people.  And keep doing the same.

The super wealthy are known to have gone all in many times.  Risking everything.  Elon has done that, and had uncertain times where his investments were at serious risk.  Rupert Murdoch, and many other big names have done that.  Success is not a certainty, and great success comes from a series of great risks.  I’ve heard wealthy men explain that they realize this, and so consciously opt out of the push for great success.

Great success comes from rinse and repeat.  1. Focus and work hard.  2. Build an organization.  3. Dedicate every available resource to greatness and growth.  4.  Repeat.

Elon could have retired with the 22 million dollar check he received for selling Zip2 when he was 24.  He could have retired again at 31 with the $165 million he received for his share of Paypal.  Instead he rinsed and repeated.  And again.  At 44 he’s worth 13.5 billion, and is not slowing down.  He doesn’t want to be holding a fishing pole as a lifestyle.  He wants to be working.  On SpaceX and Tesla and Solar City and OpenAI and his plans for a vacuum tube transport system between major cities in California.  Sometimes he talks about Mars.

I was reading the wallstreetplayboys.com site a few weeks back.  When I first read them a few years ago it did not resonate with me.  They seemed too extreme.  They seemed to only speak towards the already wealthy, or those who had made it into or graduated from top Ivy League colleges.  But this time around I was struck by how their value system was unshakabely solid.  They want wealth, and are pragmatic about it.  They detail exactly what it takes to get real wealth.  They have very practical recipes.  And their methods are extreme.  They explain that every 15 minutes counts.  Productivity and focus.  They are hard core about it, suggesting limiting reading of blogs to something like 15 minutes per week.  Explaining how to squeeze out an extra fifteen minutes of productivity at the office.  They have many tips, and also explain in detail how to leverage money to having success with top shelf women, but what is most striking about their vision of a life well lived is how intensely focused it is.

They aren’t fucking around.  They exclude from their circle of friends anyone who isn’t either a protege, a mentor, or already wealthy.

When normal people look at the successful, we see something so different that it strikes us immediately as not normal.  It’s so odd that it seems sick.  How can these people who are already rich keep focusing on making more money?  Isn’t that just greedy?  Why can’t they see the wisdom of the fable of the Mexican fisherman?  The goal of life is to be idle in a tropical location with a fishing pole in hand.

The wallstreetplayboys warn against becoming too type A, and to devote time to a social life.  Their prescription is well rounded.  And yet it’s still intensely focused.  Even social time is a type of focus; it’s time spent for a purpose.

I’ve been a workaholic entrepreneur for decades, and have occasionally been successful for a small operation, earning over $1000 per day working with no employees.  Or over $500/day with just one secretary who did all the real work.  I’ve also had long periods of poverty.   I’ve lived semi-retired, and I’ve lived doing nothing but work.  I’ve had a staff of 11 before, and had modest success before folding the company after a major client didn’t pay his bills.  I’ve had periods of having 1 or 3 or 5 or 8 staff.  But I’ve never really built an organization before.  Having employees is nothing like having an organization.

When most netrepreneurs talk about hiring staff, they talk about creating standard operating procedures and outsourcing work to low cost workers, hiring and firing ruthlessly, promoting the best grunts to managers.  That is not an organization, and it is not a vision that can lead to greatness.

It can lead to a balanced, fun, life well lived, with more than enough money.  But not to greatness.

Every wealthy business owner has always said that they are good at attracting and managing top talent.  Top talent works in a corporate structure, using tried and tested business management methods.

Hard work, and human resources.  Sacrifice.  Broad peripheral awareness while maintaining tunnel vision focus.  Making every fifteen minutes count.  Taking big risks.

That’s the story that most people who achieve greatness tell.  They explain this as a recipe.

To most people it will not sound like a recipe.  It will sound like an interesting narrative.  A piece of entertainment to passively watch, like a youtube video.  It might produce a brief emotional fix of inspiration, which most people can’t help but mistake for something actually valuable.

These stories are not shared as entertaining narratives.  They are not shared as inspiration.  They are recipes.  Do this, and then this can happen.

 

I’m up to 18 full time staff now

And have more in the wings to hire.

The first floor office is having walls torn down to open up the office space.  It’s thirty meters deep, so we’re keeping the front showroom, and back kitchen, but the middle will be an open floorplan office.

I’ve hired a second 3d animator.  Impressive portfolio, and solid work experience.  We’ll be installing a motion capture studio on the 3rd floor.  The animators are just to help to make cool product promotion videos for now, but I have plans to expand on their numbers and talents into other industries.  It all has to be done with cash flow, so each expansion will be incremental, with new revenue streams with each growth spurt.

I also have a new video production manager. His portfolio seems adequate, to get us started.  He’ll hire freelance cameramen and lighting technicians and whatnot.  He says he got help on his previous projects from student interns who worked for free.  It was a no-brainer to hire these three, instead of flying in Western talent.  I had a few quotes in the neighbourhood of 10k to make one short product promotion video, for one or two people and eight days of work.  With that money I can pay all three for many months.  Almost a year, if you don’t count the bonuses and raises I plan to give them.

After the first successful product promotion video, I should be able to re-invest some of the profits to grow the video production team.  I’m told that a quality 2 minute short 3-d animation takes a team of from 5 to 10 people two to three weeks to produce.  Somehow or other I need to do top quality video advertising work from this country, and that is going to take some fine HR work.  I’ll need to get great people, and lots of them.  And then manage them.  As I manage teams of engineers.  And marketers.  My God, I’m the Center of the borg.

A big shipment of machine parts and raw materials arrived from China by sea-cargo a few days ago, and the trucking company is delivering them tomorrow.  About 12 grand worth of cool.  My three welder/fabricators will be making some awesome man-toys, under the direction of one of my engineers.  But I need to design and build a smaller machine for making some smaller precision parts, so that will delay the big project.  A second sea shipment is being put together now.

I’m having my secretary research finding the parts we’ll need to build this:

What happens when you RAID 24 SSD Hard Disks !!!!!

We need it to for 3d video and image processing.

As the staff won’t work 15 hour days like I do, progress still crawls along.  I’m still desperately understaffed.  I’m expecting the new hires for the marketing team to increase income enough to expand the staff.  Plus we’ll have some new income streams in the medium term.  If we make our deadlines, then by late November I should be able to at least double the staff.

When things don’t go according to plan is often when luck is beaming out from new cracks in your world.

For a year I had a bright young Westerner out here on a generous tax free salary, plus room and board, with options for profit sharing.  His job was to help manage my staff, so that I could have more time to be visionary.  We also invited and worked with Western interns, and had as many as four interns working at once, with four more visiting to see about working.  The optimism was through the roof, and life was at its best.

One guy I let go, another left to go take care of debts, another got homesick and decided to go on a 6 month to a year long mountain treck with his brother, and then finally the last left to work with a friend on his own startup.

Socially it was a loss, but that loss was the best opportunity I’ve had in my life that I can remember ever having.

I was forced to take over Aarons job of managing my own staff.  I got serious.  People stopped downloading and watching movies while we partied in Bali, and now are micromanaged and put in full productive days.  I’ve figured out how to hire qualified, smart, educated and talented Indonesian staff.  I’m learning how to effectively manage staff.

If I was not in the water, I would never learn how to swim.

Losing my manager was the best possible thing that could have happened to my business.

Shit is getting real over here.  The buck doesn’t stop at my subordinate anymore – I’m the one with the finger in every pie, I’m the eyes over every shoulder.  Although there is a hierarchy of command, and I get teams to self manage, and I’m working on profit sharing incentives (yes even for locals), I’m still Big Brother.  I’m the picture on the wall.  I’m all seeing, all authority.

The attitude has totally changed.  It’s not a lax laissez faire environment anymore.   I no longer have inept and stupid secretaries arriving late to work and going home early after doing nothing profitable.  Not a single stupid employee remains.  Now I have secretaries with cum-laude masters degrees, and physics, and engineering and business double major degrees.   People are all way into their work.  It excites them.  They are thrilled about the company, and take pride and pleasure in watching it grow.

I’m no longer afraid to fire people.  My personal assistant is devastated that I fired her.  She had to go home early today as she was too sad to focus on her work, training up her replacement.  She considered this place her family and her home, but I’m not running a social club.  This place is now much more like Glengarry Ross than a loose and haphazard clan of people stumbling their drunken way up and down searching for laziness.  It’s perform, and perform well, or be fired.

At first firing people was difficult.  Then it became easier.  Now I’m starting to actually like it.  I can still empathise with the staffs pain, but I get pleasure from making my business engine perform to a higher standard.  First it was 5 horsepower, then 20, like an old model T.  I don’t mind throwing away old parts. I’m not in love with nostalgia.  I’m after performance.  I’m not about restoring some classic car.  I’m not about creating a lovey dovey family.  Out with the engine block.  Out with the engine.  Out with the chassis and body and body plan.  Only one of my current staff was here two years ago.  Actually, by next week only one will have been here 1 year ago.  I’ve had my office buildings in this area for over six years.

I’m not using model T parts anymore.  Now I’m getting genuine modern parts, and even some performance aftermarket parts.  I’m not hands off anymore.  Now I’m working 15 hour days, learning how to properly manage a serious business.  I’m not joking around, and no jokers are allowed to be around me.  This is business, and business is serious business.

Oh, and the first bungalow is looking great.  The water, electricity, septic, toilet and shower are installed, real stone tile on the first floor, sandstone tile in the bathroom walls, huge fridge moved in.  It’s two story, and they have started work on the next one, which is 3 story.  I haven’t seen it in person yet, but should be able to sleep there within a week or two.  The plan is to lease out the first one on a long term lease to pay for construction for the other 4 that are on that parcel of land.  Then lease and rent all those out so that I can copy the same architecture on a larger plot of land, with more bungalows.

I’ll either sink or swim.  I’m not in a boat, and I’m a long, long way from shore.  Nothing left over at the end of the month.  Hiring people on planned income.  This is way better than playing the stock market.  Very risky, all in, but I’m learning how to play this game.  I’m starting to really like this game.  I think I can win at this game.

Or I’ll lose everything, like I have in the past.  I’ll have to fire everyone, like I have had to in the past.  Then I’ll start all over again.  As I’ve done many times.

But I just. might. make it.  This just. might. work.  Really work.  Work big.

 

 

 

 

 

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