Two girls squealed in uncontrollable excitement at a climax of my gym workout

I’ve been getting deliberately over the top in my gym workouts, considering them performance art. I literally dance during butterfly wire workouts, and do very long sets of unusual movements, with increasing and substantial weights during the set.

After a set, I sometimes do a little Rocky Balboa hands above the head all pumped up triumphant dance. Or if not that, I’ll expend the remaining energy on immediatly going over to a different piece of equipment for another boasting crazy set of reps. Then immediately go to a different piece of equipment. Doing weights that previously have taken several minutes for my heartrate to settle down from. It’s a near super human show, and is very showy.

Because it’s so over the top, I’ve given myself permission to just admit it, and to just do it without embarrassment or apology.

I’m no longer trying to tone it down.

I get to do that now. I’ve earned that right. I’m at a level of fitness that is elite, and I get to show off. I’m proud of it, and really enjoy it, and get a real strong body rush about it. It’s a drug, during the workout, and makes a huge difference on how I’m perceived after the workout.

So anyway, during the butterfly dance, I was doing an impressive and skilled dance with heavier and heavier weights. I’d do a crazy long set, then increase by 10 kilos, and do a different dance. And repeat. On my last increase of 10 kilos, instead of dancing, I did a burst of very rapid straight elbowed butterfly pulls. Boom boom boom – very fast.

Two teenage girls who were watching let out a sudden squeal, then covered their faces, then turned around in bouncing embarassment. The whole gym heard their squeals, and knew what it was about.

I then just walked outside to work on the heavy boxing bag.

I’ve seen that type of reaction before, in an old RSD video, and the explanation was of “spiking” the girls something or other.

My opinion at this point, from my very limited experience, is that this is not a signal of the girls being down to fuck. It’s more of a signal to the crowd as a whole that they are nearing the age of being sexually ready. They are being bouncy and sexual publicy, as a communal display of coming of age and being ready for attention.

I may change my mind on that, but that’s the feeling so far.


By the way I’m very aware of group politics. I always try to share any status increases I may be getting. The other day one guy was just starting in on his weight lifting journey but was working very hard. Harder than anyone else there. I gave him a fist bump on the way out. That means more from my very fit self than it would have from my self last year. He seemed to really appreciate it.

The girl behind the desk yesterday was new. On the way out the door, I turned around, went up to the desk, and told her that she looks pretty. She does. I have no interest in fucking her, and am not trying to fuck her. I just thought she’d appreciate the compliment – especially in front of the other girls. She took the compliment well and her smile was warm.

I’m very aware that you don’t get status merely by being strong. It’s a political thing; you have to share status to gain status.

Also people get jealous, so you can’t avoid politics. Being strong and standing out requires politics.


A girl who two years ago seemed to me to inerly smirk and laugh at my unattractive presence now will hop fast to leave the gym at the same time as me, and blushes unabashedly when I give her compliments. I have no interest in fucking her, but of course play with the idea when she’s presenting her ass during floor workouts. The sexual tension and very mild flirting isn’t about fucking her, or not fucking her. It’s just about sharing love and life, even as strangers in a room. A hidden sexual tension is fun; I see it happening with a few girls now. That didn’t happen before.


My decision to let go and just flat out be weird about being super strong seems timely and not inappropriate. It would have been socially fool-hardy before my current level of fitness. But showing off is different once your level is crazy way out there. It’s hard to argue with it.

My and my live in girlfriend went to the beach with a similar aged friend (22) of hers. We LARPed the role play game of both of them being my girfriend, and strutted around the beach, one on each arm. Then later took pictures of each other as if we were a happy threesome. It was a hoot. My girlfriend seemed to get turned on by the idea.

We even play-invited her to be the 2nd wife, and she agreed with enthusiasm that she’d be into that.

Too bad I’m not into the girl. That direction is open, in general. I’m just strangely not looking in that direction lately. Whereas before I’d insist on having more than one girl, now I’m simply not persuing it, and don’t have much of an idea why. The drama around losing V might have something to do with it, but it’s also probably because this one suits me well enough in most areas that I’m not anxious to round out unmet needs.

I’ll remind readers that I’m near mid fifties, and have an ugly face, and wear a wig over my balding scalp, and I’m short. If I were not so attentive to maximizing my personality and looks, giving a compliment to the gym clerk girl would not be appreciated. She’d see me as below her level, and feel insulted and affronted for me even trying to dance with sexual energy play.

A theme I will keep repeating is socio-sexual class mobility.

You are socially what you make yourself socially. People would be shocked at just how much class mobility is possible.

Update: You know how politicians are taught “power poses”, and how we are often reminded that alpha poses will affect our state of mind, and thereby our actions, and also how we are perceived?

Well, power poses are basically mimicking the body posture that you can’t help but have after 6 months to two years of weight training. When your lats are big, your elbows stick out. When you walk, you will be in constant “alpha” power posture, because that’s the actual shape of your body.

And since you are not consciously striking the pose, but can’t help it, because that’s just the shape of your body, it will have an affect on your state of mind, and how you perceive your social status.

I don’t believe in fake it until you make it. I believe in make it until you make it. Get real life positive feedback, and develop real life positive feedback loops.

When a good pump hypes you up into narcissist mode

I’ve been noticing a sort of alter ego, or at least a big mood change that happens early into a set at the gym.

I get pumped up. Sometimes after a set of reps I’ll barely be able to control myself from dancing up and down, Rocky style. So I actually do that. A few days ago I was so hyped up that I actually hop-skipped down the aisle towards the exit as the gym was closing.

I also get a bit competitive. I have to consciously try to reign this in. One guy handled me perfectly.

I’ll explain by remembering how I handled a few characters when I was a teenager.

Character one was a big a bit dumb bully. Eveyoneone was terrified of him, which is what he was aiming for. But everytime he tried to terrorize me I just pretented that he was just being a normal cool and chill nice guy. I acted completely unafraid and unintimidated, and respected him as a person.

So after a while the bully would only briefly test me, then laugh it off, and treat me as a peer.

Another guy was the short guy with short guy syndrome. It was a bit similar. He was full of bluster, but I saw through it and genuinely was not intimidated.

You can behave this way towards barking dogs, by the way. Or bears, from what I’ve seen on T.V. about the bear man. And I’ve heard that this is how you are supposed to deal with semi-domesticated wolves. When they snarl and get aggressive, you don’t do a dominance play on them, you just say “buh”, and look sideways, signalling that you don’t take their threat at all seriously. Yet somehow you still take them seriously. It’s a difficult juxtaposition to explain.

So anyway, this one guy at the gym had to deal with me when I was in my pumped up and competitive state. When I see very big guys near the equipment I’m using, sometimes I’ll overstep boundaries and invite them to try to do what I’m doing. I know. It’s a dick move. Call it short guy syndrome. I’m small, and want to prove myself, publicly, against the huge monster men. I’m slightly offended at their size, and want to pick a fight.

The guy handled it perfectly, with a sort of “buh”. He said sure. Was not at all psychologically intimidated by me. Laughingly moved the butterfly cable weights way down to 60 kilos, and did a simple 10 reps (against my well over 100 of variously shaped reps of a much higher weight.) Then he cheerfully waved at the equipment to let me have my turn.

That really calmed me down. I got my narcissistic supply. We were on the same level, the same footing. He wasn’t beaten down, which was even better. As he handed off the equipment to me with did an imperceptible bro-chin-nod to each other. Actually we did it with our eyes. He actually wound up putting me in my place, while at the same time humanizing me and acknowledging and accepting me. Game acknowledged – well done sir. Mini fist bump with the eyes.

This contrasts starkly with what happened yesterday. A guy with a gamma mindset berated me for using the equipment that he was just about to use. He said I should pay attention and ask people if they are finished with it. Before giving me a chance to let him use it and apologize, he briskly walked away.

Bad social move. I called out to him to get in my say, but he pretended not to hear me, so I shouted louder and louder. Hey, hey HEY! Then walked up to him, apologized in a very loud room filling voice “I’m sorry for my mistake, please forgive me!” He is Indonesian so my public apology HAD to be accepted, and has the paradoxical effect of making him look small and petty. Which he was deliberately being.

It was pretty obvious to me that he was just angry at me really because when I work out I work out many times harder than anyone else and am many times stronger. I sometimes have to breathe very loudly. It looks showy. People get bitter at show offs, especially when their girlfriend is in the room. And his girlfriend was in the room and actually is a big fan of mine.

So I tried to publicly shake his hand, and patted him on the shoulder, but he snarled at me and was very reticent to touch my hand. Later I went outside to the boxing bag for 10 minutes, then came back to him standing beside his bemused girlfriend (who was trying to calmly explain to him that his social assessment was a bit off) and privately apologized again and said that I should have been more careful and attentive to who was using the equipment. Again with the snarl. He really, REALLY didn’t want to be friends.

It wasn’t about the equipment. He just thought it was. Sort of like a child who “hates” a girl, but really has a crush on her. Explain that to the child, and he’ll think you are nuts. My Dad tried to explain that to me about a girl I “hated” when I was 7 years old. He said that one day I’d understand. I thought he was nuts.

When you are not in touch with your emotions, things like that happen.


So I think we need to recognize that getting physically pumped up is a kind of drug; a very strong drug. It can make big emotional and psychosomatic changes in a guy, very fast. Not quite as much as confronting another man in a fight, but along the spectrum towards that. Not all guys have that happen to them, but if you suspect a guy is in that state, it’s not a good idea to pull a passive aggressive dick-move at him, as he will be fucking fierce and fearless. He owns the fucking gym. It’s a physical thing. Even as his left brain analytically tries to moderate his actions, his limbic system is primal, and he is the incredible hulk, trying to wear a business suit.

People react differently to my weird high weight high rep showboating sets. Some guys know my name and want to gain some of my assumed higher status by saying hello when they meet me. Another guy is just confused, jealous, and passive aggressive. The other day did about 60 reps of a full stack of forearm pull downs, and just as I was finishing up, he comes up with his camera phone and TELLS me to keep going so that he can record it. I stop and he TELLS me to do it again. I pantomime my heart going very fast (I don’t think he speaks English) and say no again. And he again TELLS me to do it again, so that he can record it.

The next time I came to the gym I saw him give a barely contained gamma snarl at me after I looked up from finishing a long disco-dance-and-boxing butterfly set.

Passive aggressive, and jealous, and angry, and has no idea how to think about his own emotions. Is he admiring me, when he tries to video record me? Treating me like a dancing monkey? Or trying to make me smaller than him BECAUSE I’m bigger than him. “Those stupid jocks!”


The attentive long term reader may have noticed that this post is a little bit code for dissing cluster A schizoid/paranoid personality disorder.

Personality disorders are developmental delays. They look very much like the behaviors of a child, however with the added coping mechanism of a clever adult brain. So you get savant like emotional manipulation out of gas-lighting cluster B’s.

Cluster A’s are famous for projecting out their inability to know what they are truly feeling onto others and society, and this has the strange hypnotic power of building communities of betas.

These communities of Betas might look like average dogmatic Church goers. Nietzsche criticized the church going mentality with his idea of what he calls the slave morality. Heavy on the entitlement and sneering at the powerful at every safe opportunity, while also denying their own very real and very strong will to power. Of course communist power sharing IS a power grab, an OVERT display of the exact same will to power that those they would take power from already succeeded at, through more individualized (or out group power grab) means.

Watch out for these cluster A’s. Learn what is projection and the schizoid/paranoid dismissive/avoid attachment style. These people are not able to know what they feel, and behave like children, yet because they are adults they can be charismatic children. They try to suck you into their slave morality, to form a group. Don’t fall for it.

Don’t fall for it because if you do you’ll never be able to be both dominant and sensitive, and therefore never be adored and adoring.

You need to be able to fully feel that dominant energy coursing through your body. Without apology.

AND you need to be a musician and lover and ultimately sensitive.

A schizoid can never properly do either, and can never properly lead a group. His pathology is baked into his personality and echoes and reverberates into a sick and twisted echo chamber cult-community of curated followers.

Don’t leave it up to thought leaders. The younger generation is going deadly astray. Help them to be less dangerous.

I believe that we have a social and moral duty to act as Grandfathers to guide the younger generation away from this mob-mentality mindlessness. It’s getting existentially dangerous for all of us.

To that end here is an excellent interview of Murray Gel-Mann introducing the history of public intellectuals and the decay of public discourse. I found the interviewer Richard Grannon through a therapist recommendation in Krausers very impressive talk.

Richard strikes me as highly charismatic and deeply well rounded. I’m working my way though his whole youtube channel.

The Rubin Report is another channel I would recommend to any one who finds themselves siding with any political camp. The stated goal of the “intellectual dark web” is to have open debates that allow for calm and reasoned rational discussions, where disagreements are allowed, and even respected.


A few thoughts on religion

halibetlector said:

I saw this today, and immediately remembered that you were banned from Roosh’s forums for advocating exactly what he’s enforcing now.

I suppose it’s better late than never, but he did cause a lot of damage before his recent conversion.

I still struggle to understand people. There are a few newly coined words, which are new useful memes. One is “normie”. Another is NPC, or non-player-character. Another has to do with confusing role play for real life due to social ineptness, I think… I forget the name of that one. (Update: LARP)

I’ve heard that there are biological big reasons that separate the highly creative from the normies. There seems to be classes or castes of humans, who have a very difficult time imagining what it could be like to have the others experiences.

I can’t wrap my mind around the attitude of following that is so prevalent on the RVF.

How they not only put up with the heavy moderation, but embrace it, and, here is the crazy part, how so many so easily flip flop right along in lock step with the leader.

I’ve never been any sort of follower. That sometimes doesn’t work out well in the short term, as I’m less socially agreeable, if being agreeable means accepting conventions and norms.

But the dark side of being overly agreeable seems to me a highly dangerous state of affairs. As exemplified in the group-mind think we see on college campuses.

Roosh kept banning and banning and getting more famous so he could replenish the forum users, and seems to have cultivated a group of extreme followers.  Extreme followers are like Non-Player-Characters, incapable of independent thought, willing to be programmed and reprogrammed as long as they get to claim social status and in-group expertise.  They don’t have the confidence to go against their group, because that means to them a loss of social standing.

It’s ironic that NPCs often consider themselves as social reformers, or as anti-establishment.  The bulk of people who consider themselves as anti-establishment are hyper conformist.  They merely conform to their own insular isolated clique.

As for his turn to “God” (I put it in quotes because it will be a personal subjective experience, not a turn to a “thing” that we can know what he is experiencing), I’m of mixed opinion.

As a guy with a long and deep history of contemplative study from a mostly Buddhist background, I tend to be snobby toward theistic approaches that emphasize dogma. It’s too easy, too certain, and too busybody. Also lacks the transformative tools required for great change – deconstruction and meditation for example. On the other hand, I have no idea what’s his subjective interpretation or personal path. Maybe that particular baby and bathwater is better than his last baby and bathwater. He talks about it as a type of evolutionary journey, so, that sounds positive.

And while his new approach does cut off some of the sickness, it also cuts off some of the insight.

I prefer a transcend and include attitude. Being so polar and extreme is not conducive to wisdom, in my opinion.

But for him, and how his mind works, it may be a better option.

Here’s the thing. Roosh leans cluster A paranoid schizoid. This means that he is not able to process some of his own emotions, and will deny them or project them out, sometimes as a twisted version.

So before he would deny any desire for intimacy. Then project out all sorts of reasons why he was denying his own desire for intimacy onto ills of society and women.

So his brain simply has a terribly difficult time knowing what his brain is thinking and feeling. That’s biological and hard wired, and that’s the hardware he’s working with.

What is the best software for that hardware?

He seems to think he’s found a better software.

That would not be the software optimal for how my brain works. I’m highly sensitive to my emotions and near constantly in a dance of mutual respect with aspects of my self some call the “subconscious”. I have a high tolerance for ambiguity and have learned to stare at death while still choosing to create meaning.

I’ve long had faith that in the long run, truth is the way to go. Roosh has decided that “the black pill” is too nihilistic, and he can’t psychologically handle all that despair. He is turning to a ready made constructed meaning to retreat from the truth of death.

I’ve found that you can stare death down, over and over, and that you wind up being able to create meaning still. You just choose love, because why not? Just because love is meaningless, doesn’t mean it has to be meaningless TO YOU. You can simply choose it to be meaningful. Create your own families. Contemplate and choose your own morals. They probably will wind up being very close to the common sense morals we were evolved to have, because we are evolved for those morals to make us feel the most content.

If you can hold more and more facts together in a coherent way, that is the direction of truth.

Religion often decides that truth gets in the way of contentment.

But some of us have a high tolerance for ambiguity and can stare nihilism down, and AT THE SAME TIME create meaning. We don’t have to run from death first. Don’t have to invent sky fairies first.

In my thirties I visited the Denver art museum and was very dissapointed. I had a disagreement with my date as to the exibits. They were all about deconstruction. She found them insightful. I found it amazing that people still considered deconstruction so relevant. That’s old hat. Of course as a Buddhist, to me, with years of rigorous training in deconstruction, it was old hat.

Deconstruction is simply a childs (or twenty-ager’s) new trick. The interesting work comes AFTER deconstruction. It’s construction. It’s MAKING beauty and art and love and worlds.

I consider it very lazy though, to not even bother with deconstruction, and to instead simply adopt dogmatic worlds. That is not insightful, and can be very damaging and harmful when contexts change and your dogma can’t keep up.

Update:  For a cluster A personality, religion will also be used in the service of denying their own emotions.  For example a person will look around and point at all the sin in the world, instead of embracing their own lust as a natural part of their humanity.  It must be quite frustrating and challenging to be so at odds with ones varied motivations.

So the pendulum swing from being a player who denies his own intimacy needs to being a religious man aiming for monogamous marriage is only a pendulum swing on the outside.  On the inside it’s still business as usual.

It’s been said that the core of Buddhist teaching is to “unify your mind”.  Another way to put that is to simply make friends with yourself.  Another way to put that is to be the opposite of cluster A.

Update: As for Owen Benjamin’s comment.  I laud standing up for your own opinion, and putting it out there.  That’s manly, and takes balls.  No waffling.  But that comment does show a limited theory of mind about what a man is.  “A dude becomes a man when he stops trying to please women and starts trying to please a woman.”

Some renowned Buddhist teachers claimed that enlightenment was impossible without tantric sex practice and relationship devotion practice, and some proclaimed that their main practice was tantric sex and devotion.*  A main consort is usually named.  In my own life, I do use relationships as a way to amplify and embody and work with what are key Buddhist practices, including compassion, and chi-kung.

So from that perspective I like what Owen is saying.  There is a lot of personal development that happens in the context of being with a woman, and for many if not most of us can ONLY happen in that context.

I think he’s not being generous to non-monogamous guys though.  With some good reason, but it’s still slightly arrogant.  Some non-monogamous guys are also open hearted and doing good work, and are intimate.

I’m not aware of monogamy being any part of Buddhist practice.  Traditionally it’s more the opposite, where Tantric sex is concerned.  More of not an issue, actually.

* I found that info somewhere on one of David Chapmans’s sites.  Probably this one I consider him to be one of the essential intellectuals to study for a rounded education, who has made profoundly important contributions to human understanding.

Update: Psychology and psychotherapy is often an inbred self-referential and muddled discipline.  But they do some useful studies, have some useful memes, and overall progress is made.  I expect the field to integrate more with neuro-biology and other sciences.  Lots of chaffe, but also lots of wheat.  Here is an interesting quote about Schizoid personality disorder: “”Only schizoid patients”, suggests Klein, “who have worked through the abandonment depression … ultimately will believe that the capacity for relatedness and the wish for relatedness are woven into the structure of their beings, that they are truly part of who the patients are and what they contain as human beings.”  However SPD has an inherited genetic component also, so this narrative therapy may be incomplete and one sided.  Another way to look at therapy might involve strengthening the underused self-evaluative and emotional richness wiring with positive actions, instead of delving directly into a barrier of pain that prevents self evaluation.  For example chi-kung, meditation, yoga, musical improvisation, devotional relationships, etc.  Dismantling the “false self” doesn’t have to be a sudden deep dive into a dark night of the soul.  It can be a gradual process of maturation.

Replace manosphere normie beta-world-view learned helplessness with charismatic wizardry for strong passion with your best friend.

They say that as you get older you lighten up, and don’t sweat the small stuff, and thereby get happier. Self reported happiness is usually much higher over the age of fifty than below it.

The same process happens with gaining the life experience of having lived with many girls.* You learn what to let go of, what not to sweat. You learn what arguments aren’t worth it. How to be kinder.

You also of course learn what shit not to take, and what shit to walk away from.  Boundaries and expectations go hand in hand with kindness.  Rights and responsibilities.  Common sense normal human business.

This very strongly imprints on and affects your mate. You’ll both wind up being kind to each other, because YOU learned how to do this first. She’ll notice. You won’t both be playing games such as “whose fault was it” and “see, you were wrong!” and “gotcha!”.

Instead you’ll tease exactly up to the fun point, and no further. You’ll compliment just enough, but not too much. You’ll learn a comedians timing for all of it. You’ll be able to have the seemingly impossible combination of being BOTH very passionate towards each other, and best friends. And that feeling of being in love will, instead of fading, seem to deepen and grow constantly. Like a full cup that somehow manages to keep feeling fuller.

This is normal.

Unusual, and rare, but normal. Just like lightning is normal. It happens everywhere, everyday. And you can make it happen anywhere you want, if you know how and put in the effort.

So please realize that self defeating hand waving memes about “all women are like that”, and ideas about rules of how women and men behave are for the normies.

Are you a normie?

No? Then stop the self defeating self talk. Women are what you make them, and that depends on who you make yourself.

And for keyboard jockeys who’ve been burned and then discovered “the red pill” and think you are now women experts, who are ready with your book knowledge about how the new car smell phase doesn’t last, I have two things to say to  you.

  1. How the fuck would YOU know?
  2. It’s been repeatedly studied that about 1 in 10 pair bonded couples remain happily in love indefinitely.  I’ve even heard that the same physical correlates to being in love are equally measurable in such couples.  One in ten is not a random crap-shoot gamble.  There must be real reasons why some people live like this.

* In my last post I said I’d be hard pressed to remember how many girls I have lived with in my life.  Counting in my head I got 8, then on paper I remembered 11 girls that I have lived with full time. Three of those were in the U.S., before I emigrated at age 38. The many other girls who would visit and sleep over most nights were not counted  among the 11 full time live-ins.

If you suspect you will eventually settle down, start having LTRs and MLTRs in preparation.

Long term men’s blog readers will know of the trend for manosphere bloggers to fall off the map, never to be heard from again.

Some writers make a public announcement of a change of direction. It’s usually either that they have settled down in a pair bond, or are planning to.

Some are aware of how they’ve hamstrung their own efforts at pair bonding by building up frames of reference and habits that are at odds with the venture.

These memes are superfluous and outright detrimental even to casual dating and even to pump and dump. Memes such as fake it until you make it, irrational self confidence, confidence is king, and alpha fucks and beta bucks are all detrimental to dating, and severely detrimental to mating.

I’ve been trying for years to talk not only about dominance, but dominance within a framework of emotional sensitivity. They go hand in hand. Lately I’ve also been talking more about improvisation, and right brained whole body authentic in the moment presence.

So I really don’t know how guys who have been careless with their memes are going to transition into having a live in partner.

When you practice picking up girls, you are practicing a certain skill set.

When you live with someone, the skill set is overlapping, but distinct. There is a Venn diagram of skill sets.

So if you plan to eventually mate, I’d suggest that you not only practice dating, but also practice long term relationships, and practice living together.

I’d be hard pressed to count the number of women that I’ve lived with in the past. * And as I’ve also dated multiple women concurrently, in a loving pair bonded way for most of them, I’ve had practice in the pair bonding related skill sets for decades, and a lot of it.

If you want to be good at something, it helps to practice it. There are different types of relationships, and if you are practicing one type, it does not follow that you will be good at a different type.

But my contention is and has always been that it’s stupid and insane to make a false dichotomy and distinction between being the fun guy and being the provider.

Intimacy without commitment happens always – even during long term monogamous living together. It’s always day by day, no strings attached. It’s always fun. It’s always intimate. There is never any box or separation.

You fuck her every day as if you’d just met. And role play as if you are both little sluts. And bond and laugh as if you accept each others inner little whore. And be good to each other like best friends. It’s not a bunch of different rooms, it’s all one house with many rooms in it – all doors open and unlocked.

* Counting in my head I got 8, then on paper I remembered 11 girls that I have lived with full time.  Many more girls who would visit and sleep over most nights were not counted in the 11.

Stages of mating applies only to a small percentage of a small niche of over-educated feminists.

Most of the most common red pill memes are more wrong than right. It’s become the blind leading the blind, with people parroting facile hand waving generalities that barely correspond to what they see with their own eyes.

And that have no clue of what is on the other side of the fence. No clue about a frame of reference that isn’t a beta frame of reference. No clue about that it’s a real option to be treated with passionate loving attention long term by a woman who maintains acquisitive mode, even while supporting a woman or living together.

This is a very DELIBERATE cluelessness. It’s clueless for two simple reasons.

1) Pua’s rationalize their lifestyle by turning it into superhero status. They choose to believe that women actually aren’t sexually interested in boyfriends. They only get really hot for pump and dumpers.
2) Guys who are not being treated as “Chads” are bitter and angry and want to maintain an attitude of sour grapes. They NEED to believe that the grapes are not attainable, and that the grapes don’t exist. Women are just shit, end of story.

Magnum said:

Women over 26 years old or so push for monogamy. Women in their sexual prime (18-24 or so) actually prefer to keep their options open. Even the older ones get bored of monogamy after 2-3 years and either cheat when a worthwhile opportunity comes up, or they lose sexual interest in their monogamous partner (or both).

You can offset this tendency by not living with a woman and keeping the relationship open, and avoiding legal marriage so she knows you can leave when you want.

It’s just how women are biologically wired to endure genetic diversity of their limited number of offspring. It’s not something to be upset about, but rather to accept and plan your actions around accordingly.

Ya, I don’t witness the same stages of mating so many people seem so certain about.

I’ve dated teenagers who were trying very hard (and sometimes succeeding) to get pregnant. My live in girlfriends have usually been early twenties, and all were pushing for marriage and wanted kids.

I also don’t buy this biological 2 to 3 year clock.

I’ve witnessed long term pair bonds. Yes, sometimes people have affairs within the pair bonds, but I’ve witnessed extreme long term and sexually active pair bonding. My grandparents, for instance. Boinked daily, got along great.

And in my own life I’ve been able to maintain strong passion past the 5 year mark.

All these “red pill truth” rules… I really mistrust them. It sounds to me like the blind leading the blind.
Magnum said:

Yes but you’re in Bali and not the US, correct? Context can play a big role

Yes, I’ve been in SEA for about 15 years.

But the US and Europe also has subcultures. Just like any high school has archtypal subcultures.

And women aren’t all like that, in any culture.

And women are different depending on the man. They are like water to a glass.

It’s well known now that there is no pussy paradise; the sexual marketplace is not grossly different anywhere.

Culture (and education) affects stages of mating. Latinos in the US like to get pregnant as teens.

Women are still the same basic primates, everywhere. Culture makes minor adjustments. Stages of mating is not a biological trait. Therefore YOU can be the culture that affects the woman.

I’m sure if we look at real statistics, and at what ages babies and marriages are happening, we won’t find anything corresponding to this stages of mating idea, in any country or culture.

Update: People are marrying later and later, and it’s a dramatic trend.  But still, 29 percent of white women are married by the time they are 25 years old.  And 12% by 22.  Here is an interactive graph showing which groups are married by what age.

And keep in mind education level makes a big difference.  So if we excluded college girls from the data the number would be higher.

This graph breaks it down by education level and shows 24% of people with high school or less are married by age 20. (You have to add up all the percentages up to and including the final age you want.)  You can clearly see the peak age for marriage for this group is 21 years old.

Stages of mating?  Nope.


But I bet that a percentage of readers will go on talking about stages of mating as if it’s a feature built into women, even after seeing the facts.

I think it has to do with social signalling for some victim based in-group.  “I’m one of the boys!  I’ve been red pilled!”

And isn’t it also just a touch of gamma socialist entitlement? “Those girls are doing it wrong, waiting for their epiphany phase to hook up with a beta like me.  They should marry younger, like they did before!  And be thankful for it!  They’ll be sorry one day!”

The entitlement is off the fucking charts.  If you want a mate, be mate worthy.  I doubt top guys have trouble finding marriage partners.  Are you a top guy yet?  No?  Oh, better find a community of fail to complain and commiserate with.  That’ll make you feel MUCH better.  That’ll help.

Or maybe go after non-college educated girls?  Girls in your own country from a different background to your own?  Or in a different location?  No?  It should be delivered to you on a platter?  Still fresh and virginal?  One per customer?

Out-grouping women as the enemy and in-grouping the victim mentality socialist gamas and betas together helps the meme grow in strength.

Ya, but just look at the graph right in front of your face, and tell me again how you need that meme so bad, that you’ll just ignore your lying eyes.

Girls are girls are girls.  If there is some upper class Asian girl in the U.S. who plans to wait until after she’s finished her grad degree before marriage who comes across an unusually good match, chances are she’ll marry him, if her family is into him, even if the average age for Asians to marry is over 30.  It’s not cooked right into female nature to wait.  Girls pair bond beginning as teenagers, and want babies beginning as teenagers.  That’s biologically baked in.  Stages of mating is not.

And conversely it’s not biologically baked in for high status men to only pump and dump.  Pair bonding is biologically baked in, to men of ALL status.

I’ve read that some ideas are deliberately batshit insane, in order that to profess belief in them you are professing that you are REALLY REALLY a member of the group.  Think Mormons, or Christian Scientists.

Update from comments:

Please keep in mind that a lot of the research has not yet differentiated between high T or alpha males vs lower status males. The ones that do differentiate, are along the lines of “women orgasm more for wealthy men”, and show that women don’t have a dual mating strategy as showing up in hormonal/ovulation patterns when their partner is high status.


Rollo heavily curates what studies he’ll admit into evidence, based on his motivation.

His motivation is to:
1) Prevent beta suicides similar to what happened to his brother in law.
2) Rationalize his passionless marriage.
3) Maintain and grow his position as a social influencer.

He has no motivation regarding sexual marketplace class mobility. He has not seen and does not believe that there exists the possibility to be treated as a King or Alpha or Wizard within the context of marriage or a supportive LTR.

As an example of his rationalizing his passionless marriage and of not believing in class mobility, he does not believe the Dave in Hawaii story of a married man learning to be the dominant leader and turning his marriage completely around. He doesn’t believe that this is possible, and said exactly that in a comment on his own blog.

He’s also said the he does not believe that it’s “pragmatic” to be both an alpha and a provider. He continues with his idea of an extremely strict dissociation between alpha fucks and beta bucks by insisting that high value men only choose to pump and dump. Yes, he said exactly that, in the comment section. Look to comment sections to get the gut feelings of writers.

His entire worldview, which he advocates as the ONLY worldview, is coming from the place of a beta. He thinks that this is reality.

Yes, it is reality. Unless you make a different reality. And from then on that reality is completely irrelevant. Has nothing to do with you. Women behave nothing like what Rollo would teach you to expect.

From an old Saturday Night Live skit on sexual harrassment in the workplace:
Rule number 1. Be attractive.
Rule number 2. Don’t be unatractive.

Rollo isn’t attractive, doesn’t know how to be attractive, and doesn’t teach how to be attractive. He doesn’t care about it.

All he cares about is preventing beta suicides.


Marriages are lasting on average about 10 years, give or take a few years.  And average is not what readers of this blog aspire to be, I assume.

Divorce rates are between 40 and 55% depending on country and region.  I’m not sure how the math was done to get the 10 year average marriage length, considering that MOST people never divorce at all.

Ten years seems fine to me. But some people are still chemically and romantically in love till death do they part. About one in ten, I ‘m told. That’s not a small percentage, if you consider that many of the variables are under your own control.

Card counting is not exactly gambling.  If you are inexperience with women, you are rolling the dice on a marriage lasting forever and not being divorce raped.  If you co-habitate and safe-guard your finances, and have a long history of doing better and better and learn expert level of co-habitating with women, it’s nothing to do with gambling.  It’s called enjoying the best that life has to offer.

I’ve made claims again and again that I know how to keep passionate romantic attachment alive.

It’s a bold claim.

I’m considering recording pillow talk and setting up a patreon account.

I’ve sometimes thought it would be helpful to newbs to listen to pillow talk.

I’m starting to form the idea that a lot of newbs lean a bit autistic, and that autistic traits are growing as a cultural problem. I’m starting to think that cultural and tech reasons are making people developmentally impaired plus over reliant on their left brain narrative. Less socially aware and emotionally embodied. Less flow moments, too much analysis.

This should have been obvious to me ages ago, I suppose. Dr. Iain McGilchrist’s youtube videos about left/right brain functions made a big impression on me, and gave aha moments to large swaths of my life and social life. Including giving context to my Buddhist years.

So sometimes it occurs to me that recording the pillow talk of me and my girl might make for good social imprinting on people who don’t have such resources.

Pillow talk is the opposite of scriptable. It’s pure flow moments.

That’s what people need to learn. Whenever I hear someone use the term “spit game”, I imagine someone who has no clue about genuine male/female social interaction. Do you “spit game” during pillow talk?

A baby step of thinking that you know what to say is better than being too timid to approach and then floundering if you do. But social interaction is about flow moments. Those moments of feeling fulfilled by feeling connected. Genuine sharing and mutual inspiration and fun. Pillow talk is likely a great teaching tool.

Nash said:

When I was in college (and sharing rooms with roommates), I used to think the most “disgusting” thing you could ever hear was a guy doing his “love talk” with a girl. ”

“It still makes me nauseous to think of intentionally exposing myself to another man’s pillow talk. Sneaky Tom’s very terrible date product was an example of a lot of this…

This is interesting feedback to get.

When I was married in my early mid twenties, the pillow talk was mutually infantile. Back then I sidled up to being close by mirroring the woman’s interests and attitudes. I had no idea about masculine polarity.

Does that sound like the pillow talk that you have heard so far?

Part of me really misses Miss Thick. If I had audio of her and I in bed, I would be very tempted to listen to it… but I’m not sure it would be good for me.

I still have very vivid dreams of my last main near live-in GF. And we haven’t seen each other or shared one letter of txt messaging in almost two years. It’s probably a good thing that her facebook is set to private. Ya, ruminating over her would be too emotionally vivid and not helpful.

I see what you mean about having others listen in on such emotionally vivid personal banter would also be a shared intimacy.

I’m just thinking that our current culture is hyper fragmented and in places pathologically broken. Single parent families, too much social media, not enough unsupervised play, over emphasis on left brained activities, not enough mentors.

I think a main way that we learn social skills is by imprinting. Imprinting, plus social feedback. Mentors, plus play and play dates and trial relationships.

I don’t think that books or text or describing techniques can imprint. I think we need to see it.

I assume it’s similar for sports and music. You have to hear great music before you realize the possibility of it. Then you can emulate it, then you can riff off the emulation, then after that you can invent your own.

I’m sure it’s the same for any boy interested in soccer. Once he saw a top level player do amazing things, he realized new possibilities.

Which touches on the subject of flow moments versus spitting game.

I’m often conscious of using game principles within flow moments. Even with unconscious mastery, there is still awareness of technique. Even a tennis player who has decades of finely crafted muscle memory is still aware of micro-seconds of decision making happen. But the processing of the decision happens in a different part of the brain. Once you learn something and have that knowledge consolidated, you can drive the car and have a conversation and look in the eyes of the passenger at the same time.

I think a risk of theory heavy advice to newbs is that the end result is a constant nearly neurotic games playing assessment. I think it’s very difficult to get across emotions such as actually FEELING relaxed and loved. Emotions such as making another relaxed and feel love. Emotions such as joy. Values such as fun, ease and laughter.

That’s why I think we need to broaden our ways of teaching to include imprinting.

We can’t do that with bootcamps; that still is too separate; too analytical; too distinct from embodying the process. I mean yes, it’s ideal to get real life feedback, and ideal to watch someone in set, and to get a first hand view of his technique and vibe. That is the type of mentorship and imprinting I’m suggesting is crucial. The social imprinting people need. But to really see behind the curtain, I think we need the paper thin walls to listen in on the neighbors.

Live and let live is not compatible with justice and protection

Johnny Caustic said:

This ties back to the fact that I found the seduction community back when everyone was big on aloofness, and how that b.s. held me back for years. I didn’t have the courage to face the “no”s, and the nonsense about faking disinterest gave me an excuse to be cowardly.

“the seduction community back when everyone was big on aloofness, and how that b.s. held me back for years. ”

That used to piss me off so hard. At the time I wrote what seemed like dozens of posts against the idea. If felt as if I was the only voice, stating the obvious, as loud as I could. It felt as if no one was listening. So incredibly frustrating. Yes, exactly. I knew how damaging that idea was. I fought my best against it, swimming against the tide, getting nothing but flack at the time.

Really fucking stupid idea. Heartiste is a good writer, but his promotion of narcissism and the dark triad by definition makes him not a good person.

I did a google search for xsplat aloof and there are many cranky posts. But this is the anti Heartiste meme post that really riled me up at the time.

Aloofness as ultimate game is stupid and toxic enough, but the fake-it-until-you-make-it confidence-is-king meme. Man. Eye rolling is not argument, so I wrote against that as best as I could at the time also.

Swimming against the stream. Never thanked. Barely noticed, or at least not much publicly agreed with at the time. But things did change. Heartiste’s ideas are no longer mainstream – the stream is now in my direction.

The Red Quest said:

Getting angry at people online seems like a waste of emotion. Reality offers useful feedback to those who believe incorrect ideas.

Having incorrect ideas is just human nature.

But sometimes people do what seems not much different than preaching for others to use crack cocaine, and try to build up a church of crack cocaine.

In such cases, it’s also human nature to have social concern, and to try to prevent a crack cocaine epidemic.

We are evolved to have social concern. It’s an emotion people don’t talk about much, but it’s very common. It’s similar to a sense of justice. We simply don’t like to see people causing harm.

And the commentor above mentioned that the incorrect ideas had a negative impact on his life.

It’s one thing to use crack, and be open and honest about it.

It’s another thing to preach using crack.

I’m a libertine and lean towards letting everyone do their own thing. But doing your own thing is not the same as setting up a Charles Manson church.

Some influencers, such as Roosh and Heartiste, rigorously police the conversations such that alternate viewpoints can not be expressed on their platforms.

Heartiste is well known to go so far as to actually edit peoples comments, such that the comments say different things than the commentor was trying to say.

He did this to my comments several times. This could not be apparent to the other readers, and he would not allow comments on his blog that called him out on this.

I’ve heard the same thing from many other people.

So this goes beyond having opionions and speaking your mind. It becomes much closer to brainwashing people. And this can cause real harm. It’s not theoretical.

Charles Manson didn’t actually do any murders, yet wound up in jail, merely for being influential.

It’s not just a game. It’s not just all live and let live, laissez fair. It’s very real cause and very real effect.

@theredquest, you’ve mentioned before that many of the people attracted to redpill and manosphere forums are there because of social deficits.

They are, in some ways, weak and vulnerable.

They can’t know what they don’t know. They are not in a position to judge for themselves, to pick and choose the wheat from the chaffe. They simply lack the life experience to be able to do so.

A persuasive writer can be analogous to a bully picking on a retard, if he is persuasive for personal gain.

You may have heard of a once popular character called Christian Mcqueen. It’s been said by some that he is in fact parasitical.

The weak in society need ombudsmen. There are predators everywhere, and the manosphere/redpill sphere is full of them.

It can take years and years for them to be caught out. By then so much real damage is done.

Why arranged marriages have less divorces

My current relationship is very companionate. We are both very deliberate in trying to make each other happy. The last was the same in that way.

This is in contrast to other relationships, some recent, in which there was inevitable and routine drama and stress. High conflict personalities don’t merely give shit tests that you can pass; they stir up shit until you get pissed off, and won’t stop until there is either drama or abandonment. There are personality disorders that are “resistant” to treatment, meaning they are permanent developmental delays. Not all women are passive aggressive by nature, so don’t mistake a personality disorder for the nature of women and “shit testing”.

I’ve written before about the current remarkably low level of relationship conflict. My opinion is that there is a lot that goes into this, one main thing being keeping passion alive, every day. Some couples seem to be companionate and low sex drive, but that goes against my experience; in my experience high passion calms everyone down, and acts as the main glue of mutual benefit; the main reason to always be nice to each other.

But I think there is also another element. Let’s call it the “default setting”.

Some people have a default setting of being cheerful. Some don’t.

Some people have a default setting of being romantic. Some don’t.

Some people have a default setting of being sensual and touchy feely and touching, stroking, kissing, and fucking a lot . Some don’t.

But the default setting that I think helps Indian’s in arranged marriages be happier than people who marry out of love is this:

Some people have the default setting of trying to make each other happy. To make things work out. To be on the same team. To turn conflicts into patience, understanding, humor, and a mutual exercise of “feeding the baby” of romantic attachment.

I’m guessing that arranged marriages have this default setting as the assumption. Perhaps a lack of choice in the matter actually helps to relax into this default. If you can’t beat em, join em. If you can’t fight and bitch your way out of a difference in opinion, work at resolution, and assume resolution as the default setting.

Random bonus spare thoughts:

Quote from Mindhunter season 1 episode 2

Losers are drawn to authority
Nobody wants to admit it but users are useful
Why they’re nosy
They tend to know what everybody else is up to
and they’re resentful, a lot of them.
They always got raw deal

That type of character fits in well with the shitposter trolls on redpill type forums, blogs, video channels, etc.

But realize that there are gamma women as well. Even physically attractive women can be social gammas, with permanent social developmental delays.

The whole point of assortative mating is to social climb. For guys this looks like trying to get the unicorn; an attractive woman who is not crazy.

It tends to be the guys who are on the lower social rungs, the gammas and guys on the autistic spectrum, who have the most need for training in how to get girls. These are also the people who tend to be the most resistant to self development.

The guys who succeed in using red-pill and pua technology to improve their sex lives eventually all come to the same conclusion. Getting better with women is MOSTLY about self improvement. Very little to do with routines or scripts. It’s about becoming both authentic and at the same time charismatic – not choosing charisma over honesty.

And then, through much dating and interaction with women, we realize that women are also all on a social scale. Not just an attractiveness scale. It becomes apparent how common sense became common; common sense distinctions of class are accurate. There are trashy loser disorganized women, and there are trashy loser disorganized socially inept men. The dating market is about assortative mating, such that you actually have to be a decent match; you can’t get a hot and kind and smart girl with scripts.

So most guys don’t bother trying, and instead become internet trolls, proclaiming that even trying at all is a losers game. Instead of growing into becoming anti-nihilists, they try to build a community of the pity-party, and adopt a stance of safety in indifference.

And so lower socio-sexual class men en mass seek answers, and wind up joining a community of those uncertain if they should bother to self improve and leverage class mobility into sex, or whether to lower their expectations and to call that “red pill knowledge”. Not being in a position to judge how women treat men they view as high value, the group assumptions are for the worst treatment that women reserve for those they don’t want to fuck.

Redpill is a very vague collection of conflicting memes. It isn’t a coherent strategy, and means 10 different things to 10 different people. Jargon word catchphrase losing more meaning every time it’s used.

A third stage of workout; a different approach to the gym

I’ve had no period in my life before where I was this consistent and disciplined with my gym and diet.

Usually I get to the point of looking and feeling strong, then routinely miss a few days or a week, and have to catch up again.

What I’m learning is that at a certain muscle building level, the game changes.

Your muscles get so strong that you are at the risk of literally tearing your own body apart. Sports injuries from weight lifting are common. Damage to knees and elbows, tendons, the spine, tears inside muscles, and even ripping muscles right off from where they attach to bone all happen.

I had a day in agony just last week, from damage to my right shoulder. Last month I had left elbow pain. This month my right elbow was making popping noises every time I moved it, and was painful. Two months ago I tweaked my back doing twists on the ab twisty machine.

So I’ve come up with a third stage of weight lifting.

Stage 1: Get big and strong. Find a routine of sets and reps, and stick to your routine. Just show up the chosen number of times per week, and finish your work.

Stage 2: Be more creative and flexible with your routine. You realize that you have strong days and weak days. Days where you have to adjust for injuries. Days where you have recovered faster or slower. Listen to your body and adjust the day to that, plus take on new types of challenges; start playing with more and less reps, and different types of movement.

Stage 3: Artistic yogic dance.

On the butterfly wires, more and more I’m leaning into a type of chi-kung dance. I might start by using the wires to stretch out my shoulders, and slowly warm up my muscles with easier but unusual pulls. I’ll challenge my balance by leaning as far forward as I can, and butterfly one arm at a time. I’ll squat and lean backwards as far as I can, and butterfly behind my back. I’ll bend my knees and lean far right, pulling and loosening the wires in co-ordinated but different angles, then shift to the left and repeat. I’ll pull one wire behind my back and one to the front, for an added an ab twist workout. Instead of just trying to grunt out 10 or 20 reps of a full stack, I’ll use a half stack for a 10 minute set. It’s starting to resemble a tai-chi routine.

I make it about awareness. Feel my body as if I were doing yoga postures. Make new postures. Experiment.

It’s starting to look rather interesting, and impressive.

And I’m doing it a weight that last year I was using for a mere 10 reps of straight armed butterflies. At a weight most guys at the gym use for bent elbowed butterflies. After I walk away from that piece of equipment, there is a long cooling off period for it, as no one wants to be compared against what I just did.

I’m getting more flexible and creative on other equipment as well. Even with dumbbells; instead of just working through 10 reps of one in each arm set of 12s, then 14s, then 16s, then 18s, then 20 kilos of curl and press above the head, I might do some sort of mindfulness body centered meditation using just the 12s. for a while. I try to be more creative in discovering how to move the weights around; move them in different directions and at different speeds, feeling my body carefully the whole time. Then just see where my body is at for further challenges of that exercise; I may or not pick up the 20s on any given day.

Even with the pull downs, instead of working to max out the weight for 10 reps, I might stretch out the shoulders, do some slowly, pull one arm down at a time (our gym has a machine with handles and weights for each arm, not just a wire on a stack), and build up to doing aerobic bursts of many reps, then back off again to a slow mindful pace. Even such a simple exercise can be turned into a stage 3 exercise.

I was eye fucked like crazy last night.

Last August I was a bit out of shape, and it was hurting my relationship with my live in. So I started a strict regimen of going to the gym every second day, and not eating a single calorie of food on non-gym days. I kept this up quite regularly for about six months, and continue the habit to this day, but with some breaks.

I’m still a relatively small guy. Somewhere around 135 pounds and 5 foot seven. So when I come back from the gym, all excited about outperforming the huge monster men at the gym, I would not expect even my own GF to believe me. Surely I must be deluded. So I took her with me a few times so she can see for herself. I’m truly stronger (for my favorite exercises) than nearly every guy there. I’m a bit famous about it by now, and guys often approach me during a set to cheer me on, or sometimes pull out a cell phone to record me. They do this, I believe, not because of the freaky high number of reps I do with weights many struggle with for 10 reps (I might do over 100 reps on wires for butterflies, and try to make dance like routines, moving my arms in unusual directions – like double opposing direction straight armed windmill, or full speed boxing punches, or behind the back pulls. While the girls are dancing their aerobic routines, I’m keeping the dance beat with big weights on the wires, for long sets. Or I might pump and pump to the music free weight curls then push over the head – over and over with one arm rising as the other is falling, as if I can never get tired. I’ve never seen any other man touch the largest weights that I use for this exercise for anything but dumbbell bench presses.

Sometimes to really show off, while doing countless rapid forearm wire pull downs with a full stack, I’ll change it up and do them with one arm. But this fucks up my elbows, so I had to stop doing that. Too bad – it’s really fun to freak people out with that trick.

I admit that I’m a bit of a dick about it. It never gets old to wait for some monster man to finish his set, then to pick up his weights or wires and triple or quintuple his reps without any noticeable effort. Then to add much more weight and carry on as if I’m completely fresh. I no longer try to do outright contests – that causes too much obvious loss of face. But I still find it hilarious to outperform huge guys – so very noticeably outperform them.

So any way, my girl knows that I’m not delusional. She sees that I’m genuinely crazy and strangely strong, freakishly so for my small size.

But she never really saw that sometimes I get eye fucked. I haven’t taken her out for a meal in ages, so last night I took her out. Sitting at the next table was a super hottie, talking to a man. We started blatantly in your face eye fucking each other. To me, that night, I thought her face was as close to a 10 as I could imagine. Super super hottie. Then the waitress was blatantly eye fucking me.

I asked my GF if it was my imagination, and she said no. I told her that I had sparkly eyes that night, and believed that I could make any girl in the whole place eye fuck me. I was just in that zone – that perfect yet elusive zone that alcoholics occasionally find, where they are perfectly disinhibited before getting sloppy or sleepy.

She saw it was true. I asked her several times, to double check that it wasn’t the alcohol making me overestimate myself in a delusional way. She completely agreed. I had sparkle eyes, and not a single girl resisted them, and many were outright blatant in sharing sparkle eye sex. Even girls with their men.

My girl suddenly developed a headache, and I was very tempted to let her go home alone so that I could stay there and collect numbers. That hottie on the table next to me gave every very strong tell that she would have fucked me last night. This morning I did feel some regret for not taking that opportunity.

I had no idea, my whole life, what a huge difference making my body as close to maximum it can be would have.

If I take even one week away from not fasting every second day, the fat quickly comes back.

I can understand why so few people maximize their bodies.

I’m very easily in the top 1% of maximized body for what I can be. And for my age of early fifties, very easily in the top .1 percent.

And damn, it makes a HUGE difference.

Even white chicks give me open body language at times.

I’ve been strong before, but haven’t had a six pack and no belly since I was a teen. It makes a very very big difference. Honestly I would never have guessed.

I’ve let the discipline slide a bit, so I’m at least three fast days away from a flat belly six pack. It’s very difficult to get and to keep that. It only takes about 1 week of normal eating to lose it, for me.

And I did come home with my girl. Probably smart. As often happens for her, she dreamt of me fucking tons of girls, right in front of her face. Highly erotic dream for her, but she also felt rejected. So she’s clearly of two minds. She loves the orgy porn, and sometimes talks of following through – yet at the same time is very bonded and could get insanely jealous and terribly deeply hurt. She still tells me she loves me dozens of times per day, and is highly sexual with me, every day. As doting as a human could possibly be. And we’ve been living together full time for 15 months.

I realize it’s a big risk to this good relationship for me to be more attractive. Opportunity changes a persons attitudes and desires. Clearly my opportunities have changed. Very, very clearly. She even said so, to another girl we were talking to. I’m not delusional.

If you’ve never maximized your own body shape, I think you would be surprised at what can happen. You might think you are close to maximum, but I used to think that too. It’s that last 10% that can make 90% of the difference. For me that requires regular full day fasts. Other people just lower their calories, or eat within a certain window every day. For me, I find most benefit and it’s the easiest routine to simply only eat every second day. It gets easier, but it’s never exactly easy. Which is why, I suppose, that guys who do it stand out. And if you stand out, you get treated very differently.

I would like to “have it all”. I’ve done that before. I’ve had multiple young and hot girfriends, many times throughout my life. I’ve had a very unusual life, a very non-conformist life. I’ve indulged in kink that would surpise men that so many women quickly agree to. Lots of public sex, for instance. My standout favorite memories. I’ve done exactly what I wanted, many times. But I don’t believe it’s really possible to have it all.

Because I think pair bonding is something most people want – at least 25% of people, maybe 50%, I forget, are of the secure attachment style – and we find meaning and value in pair bonds – for us, it’s an emotional requirement to contentment.

And pair bonded people universally get jealous. Sometimes we can manage it. But you never KNOW when and if you will get jealous to a degree that would collapse a pair bond. You can’t second guess even yourself, no matter what is your personal history. The brain is not under narrative control – emotions happen TO us, we don’t will them into being, or into not being. We accept and use and play with them, and can focus our attentions to a degree. But we don’t drive our emotions the way we drive a car. And to the degree that we do, we are not using off road vehicles. We have roads we are constrained to.

I know there are people, like Blackdragon, who might disagree – but I would bet real dollars that it’s ALWAYS every single time apples and oranges. He lets his girlfriend veto who he fucks, and puts severe time and emotion restrictions onto girls that aren’t his one pair-bond.

I personally have no care interest or ability to limit pair bonds. If I like a girl, I like her. I’ll want to see her again. I’m not delusional about this simple fact of my life; girls almost always very very quickly fall in love with me. That might not be you, and you might not want that – but it’s me, and I can’t help it, and I do like it. I love seeing the same girl again and again and again, and having real bonded relationships. Multiple girls. And that’s drama – always. It’s simply not sustainable.

So we’ll see what happens. Will I sabotage this relationship that I’m very happy with? Would you? Will I hurt this very loving and kind and bonded attractive young woman – who is thirty years younger than me and who constantly gets offers from all sorts of men every time she’s in public? Guys would trade limbs to get the treatment she gives me every day. Most guys, I truly believe, can not believe that my real lived life is possible for anyone, ever, at any time. Too much cognitive dissonance.

Even so called red pilled guys MUST assume that I actually pay for sex, and that I’m deluded.

It’s just too painful to imagine otherwise. Otherwise why aren’t they getting such treatment.

It’s really pretty simple, and I’ve explained it again and again. Actually love the women you fuck – actually truly really love them. And fuck them well. And treat em a bit like little fuck sluts. Have strong boundaries and expectations. Be kind and fun and funny. It’s not fucking rocket science.

Sounds simple, but I truly believe that MOST men can’t love strongly, can’t feel passion strongly, consistently day after day, for the same girl. I can and do. It makes me rather unusual.

And I’m old and have a very noticeably below average fugly face. I’m short. I need a wig to not look totally out of it unfuckable.

With all these things that should place me into the totally unfuckable zone, I’m still getting eye fucked like crazy, and have pretty well all the sex I am physically capable of. With an objective hottie. And more options.

Just because I’ve maximized what I do have.

You don’t know what your options are unless you maximize also.

What if social media is causing permanent mental retardation for those who grow up with it?

We know that there are developmental windows where neuro-development must occur for many different human developments. Motor development. Vision. Learning a language. If you aren’t subject to the stimulus that leads to language acquisition during those few years of developmental opportunity, you can never learn to understand speech. Not enough stimulus can cause severe developmental disorders in many areas, if the critical windows are missed.

What if a lack of unsupervised play causes developmental harm? What if a lack of face to face communication during our major neurological developmental open window, which lasts up until about age 21, causes permanent developmental delay – or social and mental retardation in other words?

Will we wind up with an older generation scratching their heads at the mass hysteria of a new generation of college students who can’t snap out of their collective group think identities?

As the older generations die out, will they leave the planet to a bunch of retards?

And that’s not the scary part.

I’ve been forecasting for decades about upcoming technological changes. People thought I was a raving futurist who’d read too many science fiction books. Ya, but now it’s getting in your face, isn’t it?

AI and robots are not only changing the job market, there is talk of existential threat by people as respected and famous as Elon Musk. Whatever changes Facebook and Twitter have brought us are as nothing compared to what AI and virtual realities and life extension and body modding will bring. And bring soon.

We aren’t talking about your grandchildren’s lifetimes. We are talking within my lifetime – and I’m already over 50. We are talking about your lifetime.

Society right now looks fucking insane to anyone my age. We’d never imagined this could have happened. It would never have happened to any of us who grew up with two parents in a home that had one rotary dial telephone that hung on the kitchen wall. Oh, and our Mothers and us kids only had glass bottles to drink from, meaning no BPAs to mess with our crucially important hormone levels as infants and children.

You guys are fucked. If you have kids, will you let them use a smart phone? Will you force them to go out and play, like my Mom did? Or will you let him stay inside and watch TV?

Well, for some of you, by the time you have kids, it won’t be about smart phones any more. It will be some equally unpredictable new socially disruptive technology.

The social conformist insular group think cliques and fanatical power hungry bureaucratic social justice or right wing conservative warriors are out of fucking control.

Did you guys just not go out to play enough? Didn’t see your Dad enough? Too much time on the joystick? What the hell happened to you?

If you don’t have any older friends, get them now. You need people who grew up in a different era to imprint on you. Believe me, even if you don’t know it, you need mentors. Find knowledgeable and respectable older people and be valuable to them and befriend them, before they are all dead and it’s too late for everyone.

It’s what I did when I was young. By dating older women and by befriending the wisest men and women I could find in the communities that I was interested in.

What if listening exclusively to hip hop and other non-melodic genres that lack complex harmonies is a definite sign of the developmental delay caused by not enough right brained activities, such as having emotionally bonded social interactions, playing music, body centered meditations and sports, and so on?

Only having same aged friends with similar interest is a horrible missed opportunity for young men . What if most of your similar aged friends are all fucked in the head? How could you possibly know?

Update: Just saw this


The two edges of being underestimated.

I’m freakishly strong for my size. It’s a medical curiosity. I’m often the strongest guy at the gym, at least in the exercises that I enjoy to specialize in.

A few days ago there was a freakishly huge guy at the gym, and I was in an unusually engaging mood. He was “fresh meat” at the gym, and had never seen some of the more eye catching sets that I do. So I asked him if he’d be willing to do some contests.

Yay! He was game.

His arms were almost as big as my legs, and my keen eye noticed the low body fat and the rare but important tells of strength; the vast network of bulges of veins.

He said that he enjoys contests, as long as he wins. I said that I can only enjoy a contest if there is the real possibility to lose.

I let him pick his weapons for the duel. I could not repeat the weight he used for his standard routine of pull downs. Next we went to the butterfly on the wires – a favorite of mine. He fully extends his arms, and did 10 sets of an unusually high weight for full extention. Never once bent his elbows for leverage. I did repeat at his weight, but conceded to him that my extention was not quite as good as his. He said “that’s not even the same thing!”

Then he seemed to get annoyed. He said “You are going to get hurt. Don’t do that!”

I’ve heard that so many times over the years. Big guys think they are experts at everyone elses body. Most don’t realize that human’s vary quite a great deal in both how we respond to excersise, as well as types of muscle and how much of the muscle fiber we use. For instance some people, during strength training, will grow in strength at roughly the same rate as others, for the first 6 weeks or so, but their muscle mass won’t grow at all – and can even shrink. Others will grow only under specific training regimens – more or less reps, more or less weight. There is not only not any one size fits all regimen, but there is no one size fits all strength to weight ratio.

So any way, sometimes big guys get annoyed when they see me lifting and pulling big numbers, and try to “help” me do it right.

It’s arrogant and annoying, and my theory of mind of why they try to “help” is not charitable. I think they are subconciously trying to regain the status they think they earned by being big.

He got so annoyed at my pulling big numbers in the butterfly that he moved the pin to less than half the weight and told me sternly and in no uncertain terms that THAT was the weight I should be training with.

Convivially I said “Oh, really?” Then I grabbed the wires, as he turned to show me the raised hackles on his back. I had to call out twice to get his attention, as he was being very deliberate in NOT seeing how well I fared at his “suggested” weight. I was whipping the weights around like small plastic childrens toys, breathing rate not raised at all, and could have gone on for twenty or more minutes. “Oh no, I think I’m hurting myself!”

Then I strolled over to the dumbells, and grabbed first a set of 18s. I grabbed his eyes across the room with mine, pointed at the number, then him, and mimed for him to also try. Then did an easy set of 10 reps of curl then press above your head, one barbell in each hand.

Then I did the same with a set of 20s. One guy starting video recording. I think I did 20 reps. Not even breathing hard. Heartrate was fine. Some big guys came over to ask me about how I was so strong, and I said:

“I wish I could be big like you. You know, some guys get big, and others just get strong. I never get big. It’s just a different type of muscle, somehow.”

The huge guy was silent. I walked over and challenged him to try the barbells. All he said was “No way man. You’re stronger than me.”

It’s a bit annoying that I’ll never look as strong as I am. Sun Tzu thinks it can be an advantage to be underestimated. I’m not sure. Maybe bluff is equally valuable.

Sometimes I wish I was big with muscles and a body type that works just for show. I’ve seen guys with greyhound shaped rib cages that don’t need any meat on them to get that perfect triangular torso. Guys with high fat content muscles that naturally fill out a shirt. I have to work really fucking hard just to get my torso into a decent triangle, and my flared ribs with sunken chest mean I have to heavily overconpensate. At my fittest, I always look better with my shirt off than on, as the lean-ness of the muscles with their striations rippling in movement is unexpected and not obvious.

After the guys who were video recording my set and cheering me on and counting each rep came over, I punctuated the conversation by strongly punching the rubber foam padded wall collumn. Once with each hand. Hard enough that would sprain most people’s wrists, bruise and possibly fracture bones. Bones also respond to resistance training, which is why some martial artists punch wooden boards.

Nobody would ever know or suspect that I don’t need gloves or taped wrists to work a boxing bag, and am working towards being able to throw a series of hard punches against a bony body part without hurting my hands.

I’ve considered before playing like a billiards pool shark – carefully ensnaring unsuspecting big guys into placing bets. But most guys I meet at the gym won’t do any contest with me.

That guy was fucking huge. A real genetic freak of nature lottery winner huge.

I’m a freak of nature small.

It’s double edged and maybe there is no lesson to be learned – it’s just the choiceless way it is. No matter how fit I look, looks won’t reveal the potential.

Reminds me of a comment that I made decades ago to a friend, that only earned me an incredulous raised eyebrow at my self-overestimation and arrogance. I told him that it was VERY hard for me to get a pretty girl into bed, but after we fuck, it was always easy to keep them.

Some potentials are not easily displayed, or seen in others.

How being a good listener and questioner is a life changing super power

Alchemist said:

People who actually use advise are rare and difficult to make a living from.

Yes, and what’s worse is that people’s egos are usually very prickly.

You say:

I am generally happy to give someone else all the credit for being top dog as long as I can walk away with whatever stuff of value I was looking to gain from an operation.

That’s something that I’m working on. I’m not a great listener. Sometimes I have to notice that and force myself to pay more attention to pick out the wheat from the chaffe. To read comments twice. To not focus only on what I disagree with. To try to put myself into the other person’s shoes and figure out the insights from that perspective.

I noticed how bad I was at that, in part from seeing how good Nash is at it. And many other commenters here also.

But most people I think have a very difficult time with new perspectives.

Which usually makes talking about something where we are VERY emotionally invested, such as how to fuck, nearly impossible.

Theredquest says that he rarely gets positive feedback or interest when he talks about the benefits of a low sugar diet and using a bycicle for commuting as part of a fitness regimen.

Because people get prickly about their self esteem. So you can’t give advice.

And even on a blog where people go to to learn, giving advice will almost never work.

So many times, after people see me do chi-kung or meditate, they tell me “oh, I should start doing that”.

Ya. Right.

It’s like saying “Oh, I should also start a small side business”.

Like you say, it’s all talk. Nearly nobody ever actually does it.

And for talking about tantric types of sex, people actively avoid even imagining what the benefits could possibly be. Not only are most people too lazy to learn it, they are anti-lazy in even imagining what the benefits could be.

Luckily there is already a very small audience of people who have similar interests and lifestyles, and so that tiny audience of peers helps to keep me from giving up.

But as for actually influencing people?

All I can do is plant seeds, and hope for VERY long term minor social changes.

Or hope that a very few sensitive and talented men will take a small hint and run with it. That actually does happen.

Renfrew said:

Yesterday I listened to a very recent (Jan 2019) convo between Tom Torero, Troy Francis, and the now married Paul Janka.

I noticed that Torero and Francis (active players) never asked Janka (legendary retired player) any questions like “What are the wonderful things about married life?” or “Tell us about your wife” or “Do you think there’s a value in commitment to another person that you don’t get in short-term interactions?”

At times I had the sense they were less interested in Janka’s true experience of the decision to live monogamously (and the consequences thereof), and more interested in voicing (and reinforcing) their faith in their own respective mating strategies.

At any rate, because of where their heads were, I felt they missed the chance to have a real deep and revealing conversation about relationship styles, favouring instead a rather superficial and conventional discussion of “monogamy versus player.”

I don’t think any of the three men learned anything in the conversation, or were changed or influenced at all by each other. They enjoyed themselves, but there wasn’t any authentic intersubjectivity.

The marriage convo is here:

Which led me to watch this very long video of Janka, filmed when he was just at the start of the relationship with the girl he went on to marry:

I had not listened to Janka in years, and I’d completely forgotten how verbally intelligent that man is.

Great comment, and I like that Paul Janka video; I really vibe with his style.

I wish I could teach 1/5th as well as he can.

His story of playing with a girls pussy within a few minutes of meeting her, with her friends friend sitting beside her and not knowing was familiar. Because I did that too. Later that night the girl came home with me, despite the violent protestations of her cock blocking lesbian best friend. Then the 21 year old micro-mini hottie moved in on the first date and we lived together for 1 year. Must be fourteen years ago now. Long enough that I remember her, but don’t reminisce about her.

I wonder how long it took Paul Janka to be able to TEACH like that. It’s one thing to do a thing well, but teaching how to do a thing well is a very different skill set.