Random Xpat Rantings

Contemplative dominance for the modern man

Living in another country makes your own foreign. Why that’s good.

Posted by xsplat on March 10, 2016

I’ve posted on engineering forums before, with an offer to have people work in Indonesia for room, board, tax free salary, plus profit sharing.  It’s never been met with interest, and here is a main reason why.

inertia-catI’ve found that most people feel rather settled and are not inclined to fight inertia.  Moving to another country is a really big deal for most people – too big a change to even seriously contemplate.  Of the small percent that do contempate it, most prefer to keep it at the daydream level.

Whenever an intern has arrived I’ve always congratulated them on being part of a limited club – the club of people adventurous enough to travel as more than a tourist.  It truly is a rare sort of bravery, and one that I respect.

And travelling is not just an existing character trait that is cool.  The act of travelling builds character.  People who travel for long periods of time come back as different people.

ever-feel-stuck-in-a-rut-going-in-circles-54821It takes character to overcome inertia and step out of the rut we’ve dug between our picket fence surrounded nest and our workplace.  And then stepping outside that rut and exploring the world is what changes our character.  It is the building of character momentum, so that we can become the type of person capable of taking more steps out of more ruts we never even knew that we were in.

indiana-jonesOur characters are quickly visible through our posture and micro-expressions.  As social animals we are fine tuned to pick up character traits, and habitually stepping outside of ones comfort zone is a character trait.  Adventurers are sexy.  Women prefer a well travelled man.

In a recent email I received:

I was overseas for a good three years, and when I got back I reconnected with a lot of guys. Some of them I hadn’t seen for about ten years.

The frustration was striking. No one was bitter (yet?) but I wrote in my journal of 30 or so old friends, only ONE was even arguably successful.

At least half of these 30 are very sharp guys, and they could all do well for themselves. But even the professional road cyclist, he was bragging about his hot girl he was talking to on tinder. Fair enough but girl lives in New Zealand. Sure, he travels a lot on the circuit, but it’s not like he’s in NZ every other weekend. Other guys are languishing in crappy teaching jobs, or working in food service.

What’s the moral of the story? Maybe I just know a lot of losers. Maybe, but the larger point is that there are thousands of guys out there who could use an opportunity like what you’re providing.

You travelled, and came back to a group of friends and good guys who did not bother to travel.  Suddenly you start to see things from an outside perspective, and suddenly it’s clear to you what they can’t see at all; that they have limited their options.  And since they have not set up habits of exploration, their characters will not be willing to be able to see other options or how limited their lives are.  They have chosen comfort, and in doing so have become people who have no choice but to continue to choose comfort.  Easy choices, limited life.

leaving-the-nestThe picket fence has been used as metaphor countless times.  People naturally want to nest, and yet we have competing urges for adventure and exploration.  Too much wandering can leave a person feeling rootless, but too much nesting can leave a person feeling stuck in one long rut that leads from office back to the house.

This is why I’m trying to create nests in several cities; to fulfil both competing urges at once.

invigorated-and-awestruckThe first time you travel to a new country, the trees are different.  The air smells different.  The climate is different.  The people are different.  This difference wakes up the senses and gives a New Relationship Feeling to life.  Life itself has a new car smell.  You become invigorated, even a little awe struck, and this is rejuvenating.  During this phase people often fall in love with the new country.  It does not last of course, and the next relationship phase is disillusionment, followed either by hatred or open eyed compromise.

But by then returning to the home country is not the same option.  By the time you have lived in a different culture long enough move out of infatuation and into disillusionment, you aren’t enmeshed in your own home culture any more, and are forever doomed to see your home culture through the eyes of an outsider.  From now on you’ll also be disillusioned with your own town.

garden-bungalowMy solution is put down roots in cultivated gardens.  To create planned oases where a tribe of like minded men gather to work on exciting business projects, live a great life, and meet interested tourists and locals.

As it’s possible to create a new rut anywhere, we’ll have compounds of bungaloes set up in multiple cities.  After many months of living and working and becoming established in one location, there will be the option to travel to a new country and life will have that new car smell all over again.

All the while we’ll remain in touch with the roots we’ve created.  There will be large screen TVs in the common rooms of the compounds used for video conferencing with the tribes in  other cities.  Friends will travel together.  We’ll have compounds of bungaloes in Bali, South America, Japan, Sophia Bulgaria, and who knows where else.

Posted in Entrepreneurialism, Happiness, Project World Domination | 1 Comment »

90% of directing is casting. 90% of managing is HR

Posted by xsplat on March 9, 2016

martin-scorseseMore than 90% of directing the picture is the right casting

– Martin Scorsese

For the last three years I’ve been pouring money onto my business gardens.  But for most projects the seeds failed to sprout, the surviving seedlings got fungal infections and died, or produced stunted and spindly growths that refused to flower.

I’ve invested more money in three years than most Indonesians earn in three generations.

My problems have always been that I have not been able to find qualified staff.  At first I tried advertising in the local newspapers.  Very few responses, and those that responded were unqualified.  Later we tried posting ads online, and at local universities.  Same problem.  I’ve posted advertisements at least 40 times.

psychotic-self-beliefI’m a stubborn mule, and am not capable of visualizing failure.  You have to be somewhat psychotic to be an entrepreneur.  You have to be incapable of believing that your real chances of business success are only 10%.  You need delusional levels of self belief.  It’s a wonder that there are any entrepreneurs at all, the risk levels are so high.

But I’ve been a self employed serial entrepreneur for thirty years, so I know that one in ten odds are not a problem.  That one successful business is enough to fund 10 more start up ventures, which means it can create a 2nd successful business.  That’s a repeatable process, and by now I do have multiple profitable businesses.

finding-treasureLast year I finally got my first big business break here in Indonesia.  I finally found my first qualified engineer.  Since then I’ve learned more imaginative ways to find talent, and have hired two more qualified engineers to join the team.  I now have a full time Human Resources assistant, and I expect to be able to draw in four more qualified Engineers over the next few months.

cant-understand-youI’ve always approached my employees the same way most men approach women.  I assumed that they were essentially similar to me.  That they had similar thought processes and drives.  I did not have an accurate theory of mind for what makes them tick, and so could not properly motivate them or structure my organization.  I always assumed that if someone had some raw talent that he could learn on the job and do just about anything.

As I don’t naturally enjoy managing other people, I have not been hands on enough with overseeing my staff, and have been stupidly slow to learn how wrong I was.  I expected people to be like all entrepreneurs have no choice but to be; self starting and self educating and self motivating.

hindsightBut people are simply not like that.


It’s obvious in hindsight, but that took me many years to learn.

People prefer to specialize, and they prefer to avoid risks.  They like to limit their focus to one specialty and get very good at it, and use that focus to work in a successful organization that can compensate them at market rates with low risk.  They like to have a defined job description, and follow a career track that will have the focus that the next employer wants to see.


It turns out that this works even better than people being autodidacts with generalized talents.  Specialized education and a career track and working in teams is actually much more productive than on the job training as if all people were a blank slate who can do any task set before them.  I can’t expect the web designer to be talented at both graphic arts and php back end coding.  I can’t expect the 3D modeler to become proficient at industrial engineering.  And I can’t expect anyone to be able to work with minimal supervision, especially if not working in a team.


I’ve had Western interns out here in the past, and I’ve made the same mistakes that I did with the locals.  I assumed that they would act as all entrepreneurs have no choice but to act, and work with minimal oversight to creatively problem solve with drive and dedication until concrete progress brings in maximized profit.  This without any background training in the tasks I gave them.

At the time it didn’t seem foolish at all.  After all, that’s how I’ve been earning my daily bread for 30 years.  If I can do it, surely I can simply transfer my inspiration and skills onto others.  What could go wrong?

But now I’m finally getting the point that reality has been hinting at all this time.

Ninety percent of business success is about hiring the best specialists you can attract, and organizing them into the most efficient hierarchies of command and collaboration.

The other 10 percent has to do with securing a good work environment in a location where the talent wants to work, financing, and finally having a good business idea.

I had thought that 90% was having the good idea, and that with a little direction most any smart person could implement the idea.

3d-video-productionI have recently placed an advertisement to hire a full time top quality video producer with 3D graphics experience.  It’s difficult to find programmers in Indonesia, but I can find people with artistic talents trained in 3D animation and the video arts.  People can’t make software here, but they can use it.

All that is left is to build the marketing team.  I’ll use locals for what I can, but the copywriters will need to be imported, or work by online collaboration.  I prefer to have people physically here, as face to face collaboration provides more bandwidth; more sparks fly.

For the marketing team I will seek out trained specialists.  We will also do in house training, but will only accept those with the innate talent and drive for the specific specialized task.  We’ll need a sales and marketing staff, and especially copywriters.

I have plans for how to attract such specialists.  Within months I will have a script and copy writing staff and video production staff, and my initial prototypes will become professionally mass marketed.

The money pit is going to grow it’s first crop of bamboo.  The bamboo will be used to build the next structures.

There will be a major turnaround here in Xsplat land, and I am seeing it all come together.

And it all comes down to HR.











Posted in Entrepreneurialism, Project World Domination | 2 Comments »

Why the leader must fire team members for their personalities

Posted by xsplat on March 6, 2016


Angry Gamer commented

I have been studying Venture Capitalist funding lately and they have a lot of thoughts on teams vs solo entrepreneurship. They say 2 or 3 person teams are ideal. One individual can succeed if he hires right. But more than 3 is a disaster. As in ZERO IPOs on any founding teams more than 3. They are so adamant about this they don’t fund startups with large founding teams.

But what was interesting is the preference for 2-3 member founding teams. That was fascinating to me. So I think you are on to something with this – “Men can’t achieve greatness alone.”

That’s interesting about founder team size.

I had heard that for committees or meetings an optimum size is closer to 8.

A little digging found that optimum size is different depending on the tasks.

For programming it’s four. From dx.doi.org/10.4236/jsea.2014.712088

Results from the two experiments conducted indicate that teams of four people working collaboratively on software projects given were able to perform effectively at optimal level. This result could be attributed to the fact that collaboration with four people improves the analysis and programming skills of the participants, there-
by reducing the time spent on the task. With one of them acting as the coordinator for the team, another in charge of typing on the system; others can act as inspectors for bugs and wrong coding styles as the task progresses. Two heads are better than one, so the maxim says. But it is demonstrated in this study four good programmers will make an optimal team in computer programming tasks.

From http://themodernteam.com/whats-the-optimal-team-size-for-workplace-productivity/

When teams pool skills and resources, their decision making improves, and they can make better decisions as a group than any one of them could do alone. Researchers call this collective intelligence.

“…teams are prolific in organizations. From a managerial perspective, there is this rising recognition that teams can function to monitor individuals more effectively than managers can control them.”

So while most individuals form teams under the assumption that they’ll be able to accomplish more complex tasks thanks to the complimentary skillsets of their peers, organizations as a whole benefit from team formation by reducing the need for management.

Everyone can win from flattening organizations.

If five major skillsets are required, there doesn’t necessarily need to be five people on the team. As long as time isn’t a factor, four people covering the requirements would be preferable to five.

Teams need a clear leader though:

“We had a class on the ‘no-no’s of team building, and having vague, not clearly defined goals is a very, very clear no-no. Another no-no would be a leader who has difficulty taking the reins and structuring the process. Leadership in a group is very important.”

Keep in mind that a team can self-organize and pick what they want to work on, but the leader needs to shape how they do that, and what can be picked from.

four-group-size-ideal-for-brainstorming4.6 members is a team size sweet spot.  If the team is experienced and know each other well and doing standardized tasks, the size can grow.

What’s a typical leader-to-doer ratio? Consider the experience of the team. Less experienced, newer teams will need to be smaller. More experienced, established teams can be larger. Tomasz Tunguz, VC at Redpoint Ventures, observed that at Google team ratios ranged from 1:2 to 1:20, with an average of 1:7.

In 1970, Hackman and Vidmar set out to get a sense for that by asking two questions to individuals from groups of 2-7: Is your group too small for the task? Is your group too big for the task? The percentage of yesses to the first question fell as the second’s rose, and the lines intersected at a team size of 4.6 members.

Of course team size is not the same as organization size.  Teams collaborate on specific tasks, and the company can have any number of tasks.

project-coordinationThis is an important finding:

Decision making in particular is improved by a higher collective intelligence. You might be surprised to hear that collective intelligence is not strongly affected by the individual intelligence of team members. Rather, it’s social sensitivity and conversational turn-taking that predict collective intelligence.

She describes social sensitivity as the degree to which people can read facial expressions and make attributions about what others are thinking and feeling.

Conversational turn-taking is how evenly distributed talking time is across group members. Groups with more evenly distributed talking times tend to have higher collective intelligence.

loud-mouth206There was a potential intern who was briefly visiting (a friend of Aarons) who tended to dominate conversations.  You’d have to tackle him to the floor to get a word in edgewise.  I found it worse than annoying, but others in the group showed no signs of being annoyed by him. To me he was a blowhard with nothing interesting to say but who wouldn’t shut the fuck up about it. He loved hearing his own voice. I quietly let it be known that he would not be invited into the group. Others laughed at his clowning but to me he just sucked all the fun out of interacting with the group. Loudmouth.

One image crystallizes how I view him.  We’d all been doing shrooms. I did more than most – maybe a double dose. The guys started to get louder as they got more awestruck. I’m a more contemplative sort, so as they got more animated I went to my room to hang out with my girl. This guy went into the bathroom and then screamed at the top of his lungs “my toothbrush is melting!1!”. Others were amused but I saw it as the ultimate drama queen act. Shut the fuck up! Attention whore.

argumentativeThere was another intern who was clever and had good contributions and was well liked enough, but I had problems with him as he tended to enjoy defending his arguments more than collaborating. He liked to bicker. I saw the whole group dynamic dramatically shift after he arrived. Before we were very civil, often complementing each other. Later insults became the preferred team sport, and “good natured” arguments arose over every tiny little fucking thing. It annoyed the hell out of me, until I just couldn’t take it anymore. An altercation arose out of this intern disagreeing and refusing to follow my directions for several days despite clearly explaining that I was in charge and had made my decision and he was to use the system I chose. That was my reason for letting him go, but while I did so I vented a tirade at him explaining that I found him disagreeable.

I think others in the room were a bit shocked and uncomfortable to see me fire and lambast him like that, on the spot. But I’m not running a social club. I’m running a business.

Which is the line that came out of me when I fired my personal assistant of two years yesterday. She was routinely incompetent, but the final reason for firing her was also for insubordination; repeatedly not following instructions on a specific issue after many warnings, the last written warning letting her know she’d be fired again if she ever disregarded it. She cried about being fired and an assistant tried to beg me to let her stay, because she’ll miss her. “I’m not running a social club here. This is a business.”

did-i-stutter-bitchActually the thing that annoyed me most about my secretary was not the incompetence, nor the insubordination. It was that she was forever asking me to repeat myself. I believe the habit was a passive aggressive act; she felt powerless and wanted more power, and so was constantly challenging my choices, in deniable ways.



passive-aggressive-nevermindI have another passive aggressive employee who causes no end of trouble, and I have to keep telling her “stop using your brain!” She is forever directly going against explicit often repeated and agreed to instructions, because “she thought”. Yesterday I told her I want to scoop out her brain so that she can no longer “but she thought”, and would just do as told. She’s worth the problems though, as she’s brought in some financing and is overseeing a property development.

I did warn her, using the fired personal assistant as an example of what eventually happens to people who can’t follow orders. In her case nothing I can do will ever change her behaviour though, as she is genuinely and diagnosably passive aggressive to the point of it being a fixed personality disorder. It’s caused a lot of problems.

She’s also doting and submissive and loyal. Seems to be part of the package. Submissive but passive aggressive. And no, it’s not due to errors in my management style; personality disorders are real and serious and can’t be corrected or managed by the people the defective person interacts with. The best that can be done is to minimize the persons power to cause harm.

I offer all these examples to illustrate the importance of choosing and firing the right personalities for collaboration.

It’s not only about skill. Personality is hugely important. And it’s the leaders role to rip out strong and healthy weeds and toss them in the trash.


On the job training

Learning-PyramidI’m considering mixing internship with sales training. We’d develop some sort of syllabus and structure and devote a few hours per day to structured classes. The rest of the work day would be devoted to practical real world application. This would be offered to fresh university graduates.

I may be able to pay the interns for converting their class notes into blog posts, which would give content to the recruitment site.

Posted in Entrepreneurialism, Project World Domination | 5 Comments »

How persuasion becomes a super-power

Posted by xsplat on March 6, 2016

I’ve loaded up my Medi8er media player with enough torrents to entertain and educate me for years.  I haven’t bothered with my Indovision Satellite TV in two months, and when I do glance at it to see if there are any new shows I’d like to download, I’m surprised that I spent so many years putting up with the commercial interruptions.  And how did I ever watch TV without a pause and rewind function?


When I was a boy we had a black and white TV and would gather to watch I Dream of Genie reruns, Laugh In, Sonny and Cher, and the Osmonds.  We pulled in 4 or 5 channels on our rabbit ears.  By the time I was 12 we had a cable box wired to the color tv with instant push button channel changing between an amazing 35 channels.  The family would squeeze into the sofa and I was usually given command over the box due to my uncanny knack to switch over to a new channel during commercial breaks, and then back again seconds before the show resumed.


Media technologies conceptWith TV we had to tune in at a certain time to catch a viewing of a weekly installment.  Now I can spend days watching nothing but one show.  Alfred Hitchcock Presents still stands up today.  Cheers and Frasier are worth a 2nd look.  Drunk History is a blast.  My documentaries folder has sub-folders such as History, Dinosaurs, Space, Travel, Science, BBC, Mind Control and Persuasion.  The singularity is here; new information and programming is being produced faster than it can be assimilated.


Last week I watched the show Shameless, from the moment I woke up until I couldn’t keep my eyes open any more, for days on end.  A lead character is a shameless alchoholic narcissist.  William Macy is brilliant in the role of Frank Gallagher and somehow manages to make his unredeemable asshole character likeable.


Frank is a self absorbed dissipative shit who would gleefully incarcerate his own grandson to win a power struggle with his daughter.  He had a blackout drunk episode that had him sobering up in Mexico 6 months later with no idea how he got there or what year it was.  He has no remorse or empathy.  And yet he has a sparkling talent and when he uses it becomes immersed in brilliant flow moments.  When he’s in his flow moments you can almost see him glow.

Frank is a master manipulator.   He is quick to size up anyone and figure out just what they want and just what angle to play, in order to get what he wants from them.  He is a master orator with no morals, shamelessly willing to be a chameleon to the moment.  One moment he’s collecting checks for public speaking to a crowd of gays about why he advocates cohabitation benefits for his own purported gay partnership, the next he’s collecting checks from a group that purports to cure gayness and speaking on their behalf.  All the while he’s hetero.

shameless-grandsonThe Frank character is most interesting not because of the entertaining wake of wreckage that follows his ever blazing narcissism, but because of how his one skill allows him to be so adaptable.  Through the power of persuasion he is able to stumble from one moment to the next without ever having a job.  And when people around him need his help, if it’s in his best interest to do so he is supremely confident that all he has to do is show up and off the cuff he’ll be able persuade whoever needs persuading.  Because it’s true.  His speech at the principles office defending his grandsons essay supporting Hitler is hilarious.

I started this essay with the intention to laud the value of learning the art of persuasion.  My initial idea was to copy quotes from wallstreetplayboys.com .  I fear bringing in the Frank character may have sidetracked the issue, especially as he’s such a dick.  So I’ll highlight the point now that I point to his character as an example of highly developed persuasion skills.  Above a certain level of competency, skill starts to look like magic.  And it acts like magic.  Persuasion can be a super-power.

Scott (Dilbert author) Adams is a trained hypnotherapist who has been blogging about Donald Trump in his Master Persuader series.  His view is that humans are meat machines and that a few people are extraordinarily skilled at persuasion.  In his view a person can rise to the presidency through the power of persuasion alone.

A man emailed me recently, inquiring about interning out here.  I saw in his email a talent for writing.  A talent that I doubt he recognized in himself.  I’ve encouraged him to develop his potential by studying copy-writing, and starting in on a project.  I’ll help to edit his work, and we’ll also hire a professional to edit our collaboration.  It’s exciting for the both of us, and even though the initial project is one of my smaller ones, it will earn us both steady income for years to come.

Good copy-writing can be sold through freelancing to clients.  As a skill it’s similar to the saxophone, in that if you have developed it you are free to wander anywhere on the planet and people will always pay to hear your muse.

The most lucrative way to earn from copywriting is of course to use it to sell your own products on your own website.  That seems the ideal use of the talent, but I will explain why in practice this is rarely done.  It’s simply not practical.


busy-avoidingThe main roadblock to building your own business is motivation.  Very few people will have the life experience to be able to understand that.  Building your own business requires a wide jack of all trades talent set, fierce and unstoppable determination, psychotic levels of self belief, and the ability to hunker down and focus on getting a job done when there are a thousand more interesting things to do.  In theory and in our minds we can all do that; just as in theory and in our minds we are all better than average drivers.

But in practice not one in 1000 people will be self motivated enough to build his own successful business.  But that’s just the initial roadblock.  After that are the potholes, tire puncturing road stars,  meandering dirt roads and dead ends.  Entrepreneurialism by definition comes with no map.  Not only do you have to motivate yourself to make your own path, you can’t know until you get there where you are going to get to.

There is a principle called the wisdom of crowds.  If you fill a giant jar with jelly beans, the odds of anyone guessing the correct amount are stupidly slim.  But if you average all the guesses from a huge crowd the number will be shockingly accurate.



When pioneers first explored the jungles of Africa, or migrated overland to the western US, they did so in expeditionary teams.  It wasn’t just a matter of not being lonely.  It wasn’t just a matter of a community allowing for specialists such as a cook, barber-doctor, or a wheelwright.   It was also about motivation.  A group effort has the momentum of a pillow, whereas a single persons effort has the momentum of a feather.  When one person stumbles or loses his way, the crowd not only has specialists on hand to tend to the sprains and cuts, but has the resources and momentum to keep the guy safely moving along with the party.  Individuals stumble, but a team does not.


1-hour-glassIt’s not easy to convey decades worth of entrepreneurial experience.  I’ve started up more profitable businesses than I can easily remember, and forgotten many times more.  The singular most potent distillation of all that experience is that everything takes 10 times more time than you originally think.  Even outsourcing does not solve this problem, because managing people takes 10 times more time than you think.

Another thing that I’ve learned is that my attention is a limited resource.  I can go through stints of months of long days of focused work, but that’s not sustainable.  Those stints are invariably followed by periods of lower productivity.   And even at my best there is only so much this one man can attend to in a day.

All this is explains of why our world is dominated by corporations.  All governments I know of are run by the dominating power structure; corporations.  Real power comes in the form of corporations.

Men can’t achieve greatness alone.

share-in-the-biggest-pizzaA copy-writer might think that owning 100% of his own profit from his own copy is his best possible outcome, but in the real world that is not how 99% of copywriters earn their income.  And that’s not because 99% of them are stupid.  It’s because men profit more in teams, and a small share of a larger profit is larger and more secure than big share of a smaller profit.

Most businesses require a sales and marketing division.  I worked in one company where the engineers were all resentful of the commissions offered to the salesmen.  They applied their rare IQ and education to inventing the damn product, yet the salesmen were earning many times their salary!  Fairness didn’t enter into it; the salesman brought in the sale.  From an accountants point of view, the salesmen created the money.

Marketing of course involves more than copy-writing.  Not even the best time management skills will allow a single man to maximize marketing.  A marketing team will include specialists in:

  •  managing banner ad and pay per click campaigns
  • contacting blog and website owners to get the to write up product reviews
  • researching and gathering sales leads
  • cold calling prospects on the phone
  • video production and editing
  • managing print media ads

I have several current and new businesses for which I need more staff, and that will be the case until I die.  I will always have new startup businesses, and new ideas waiting to be turned into businesses.  Creative marketing will always be a core requirement for my businesses and lifestyle.

I’ve long had a general interest in persuasion.  At 12 I studied and practised hypnosis.  In high school my favorite activity was writing stories for creative writing assignments.  In my early twenties I took a few poetry writing classes.  I’ve been discussing and debating on forums since usenet.  I was a travelling salesman for a decade.  This blog has entries going back almost 13 years, and most posts focus on persuasion within relationships.  During all that time of developing my persuasion skills, I rarely stopped to consider the art of persuasion directly.  Kind of like a kid on the baseball field never stops to analyse the details of his throw; he just gets better through practice.

But now I’m discovering that the arts of persuasion have been scientifically studied.  Robert Cialdini’s demonstrates his findings in highly entertaining videos.  I plan to follow my advice to the new intern and study the art of advertising directly.

And the reason that I’m now finally ready to put in that effort to study instead of just learn by doing is because I will be collaborating.  I’ll be borrowing from and contributing to the momentum of the group.  I’m not just relying on my own motivation.  That point can’t be overstressed.  We work so much better in teams, that without teams most work would not even begin.

Here are some quotes from wallstreetplayboys:

Here is a list of 10 items that offer a tremendous payback:

1) Sales: We’ve beaten this one to death in a separate post but it needs to be mentioned again. Sales will be used every single day in your life so you better learn how to do it today.

3) Writing: While our entertainment writing is mediocre at best (just look at the blog!) you’re going to need solid writing skills for putting together contracts. At *minimum* everyone needs to understand the basics. In addition, you’re going to be forced to communicate with people (a lot!) assigning tasks via email etc.

Copywriting: In the case your main skill is writing and you have a solid understanding of sales… Learn to copywrite. If you become good enough… you can then charge a fee based on performance rather than an hourly rate. Even if your “dream” was playing in the NFL, you can go ancillary and sell NFL related items for a large margin. (notice you’re combining many of the 10 skills here)

I could mine their excellent blog for more pro-persuasion comments, but I think you get the idea.  Persuasion is a skill that can be developed and has value in life and business that can’t be overestimated.  Copy-writing is one form of persuasion that can offer large and lasting rewards.

I am building a tribe of men who will work together on business projects.  There will be a marketing team, and within that a copy-writing team.  We will study books privately and watch videos as a group.  After watching instructional videos we’ll compare notes on how to apply the lessons to our copy writing assignments.  We’ll write privately and in a group, and critique each others copy as private notes and orally as a group, similar to the structure of my old poetry writing classes.  Learning writing as a team is much more effective than trying to learn it alone.  And much more fun.  The quality goes up faster and farther than possible working alone.

Most TV shows you see were scripted by teams, as portrayed in the Dick Van Dyke show and 30 Rock.  Most books you read are a collaboration of a writer and an editor.




Since teams outperform individuals, teams out-compete individuals.  The business world is dominated by men collaborating, because together we have more and better quality output.  Not to mention that it’s more fun.






  1. Learn persuasion.  For business you can specialize in copy-writing.
  2. To most effectively apply yourself, work in a team.

Posted in persuasion, Project World Domination, Uncategorized | 14 Comments »

The Made-Men business model, 3 years later

Posted by xsplat on March 1, 2016

Two interns and myself published made.men.com back in 2013. The archives of it can be seen on the wayback machine here.

Since that period I’ve had 6 other interns and 3 lookyloos living the dream here in Indonesia.

I’m going to repost my last post from made-men.com, but first I’ll detail some ways that my thinking has been evolving.

  • I still want to set up a lifestyle/business oriented community.  I’d like to build a brand around it, and that means that at least some of the people who come out are going to need to be able to boast of the great income that they are earning.  Everyone should have opportunities to boast about the lifestyle and environment.  We’ll set up a website where we can share videos and pictures of the life and money we create.
  • I will want to set up compounds of bungalows in several different cities in different countries.  The first compound of 5 luxury bungalows is in Bali, and we’ll make a 2nd larger compound here.  Other cities to be considered could be Chiang Mai or Ko Chang in Thailand; Somewhere in the Philippines (preferably on the beach with good diving); Saigon Vietnam, Sophia in Bulgaria, Some place in Morocco, at least one place in Central or South America; and possibly locations in Japan and China.  In common gathering areas we’ll have large screen TVs and cameras so that the common areas in each city can video conference.
  • The interns will have the opportunity to travel and spend time living in the different cities.  Some will choose to rotate between the cities, perhaps every five months.  Travel makes the environment weird and fresh, which is a lifestyle improvement.  I think it also will contribute to creative thinking and neurogenesis.
  • It is possible for me to take any smart man off the street and guide him to creating a lucrative location independent business.  I started off as a solo entrepreneur, so it was natural to think in terms of expanding on my original approach by having more of me doing more of similar things as I had been doing.  But now I’ve changed my thinking and want to do much more than that.  I want to set up lucrative organizations, and for that we need specialists.  The bigger money is in organizations.  There are no multi million dollar corporations with a staff of one.
  • I’m going to have staff focused on outreach and marketing to attract men with education and experience in fields that we require help with.  We will advertise to universities, on job boards,  and possibly on entrepreneurial forums.  This is a big change from the past where I would accept anyone who showed smarts who was willing to work.  I’ll follow the corporate model more closely, and have positions to fill, such as video producer, copywriter, telephone sales marketer, lawyer, engineer, programmer, and so forth.  There will still be some flexibility to allow talented men to learn a skill on the job if enough potential and drive is demonstrated.
  • The work schedule and expectations will be in line with what “real” businesses have.  The emphasis will shift from having a party while doing some work sometimes to working while having a party sometimes.  See the first bullet point “some of the people who come out are going to need to be able to boast of the great income they are earning.”  If the group culture is not one of taking the work seriously and bringing in the profit, the brand will have no value.


Here is my post from July 2013:

There are two fundamental ways to approach life satisfaction;

1) Lower your expectations, limit your desires, and be satisfied with the present moment.

2) Harness your ambition and work towards goals to realize pleasures that are currently unattainable.

People generally emphasize one approach or the other, and will associate with like minded fellows. In Japan the growing number of men who have opted to forgo ambition are called “grass eaters”. They will content themselves with making the minimum amount of money necessary, and many stay home and play video games, making no attempt to better their position or attract women. The status game is not one they want to compete in, and they take their pleasures from the low hanging, most easily attainable fruit. There are similar movements and crowds in the west.

Foregoing status and living the easy life can be good way to go – at least for a time, but bands of men who opt out can be seen to have a pity party mentality, and complain of not receiving as much respect and social perks as those who deliberately seek the respect that status brings.


It can feel good to have a community of peers who care about you and support you, when most of the worlds attitude to those who don’t impress is this:


But commiseration is only of minor use. Made-Men seek compatriots who add even further value to our lives. Sometimes that value is even in the form of criticism. We choose companions that add value to the team.


If guys who forgo the game required to build status, wealth and access to women are at one extreme, the other extreme would be guys who play the status game with tunnel vision, and are heavily motivated by getting gold stars on their life report cards for all to see.

We at Made Men see that there are many ways that we find fulfilment and happiness. Some of those ways are not the low hanging fruit. So we’ve decided to make a fun game out of the process of having as much of the good fruits of life accessible as possible.

It’s not just about the goal, it’s also about the process. We’ve designed a holistic system to make life as good as possible, in all possible ways. To that end we work and apply ourselves, apart and in a team. And we play and socialize in private and together. It’s fun and inspiring, and we get to watch our seeds and talents and resources and social connections grow and enrich our lives.

And we’re not afraid of being awesome. It’s true that being awesome arouses jealousy and contempt, and haters are going to hate. But we’ll take that risk and stand out. We’re about self development, and are mindful of the value of tactful displays of our hard earned skills and resources.



And furthermore we play to our strengths, maximizing our advantages and minimizing our weaknesses.


But happiness comes from many directions and has many flavors, so we’re careful to avoid tunnel vision. It’s not all about one goal, and the ends don’t justify the means. We have to enjoy our work, and be satisfied broadly.

So we don’t just aim for a distant financial freedom.


Alongside our work efforts we try to structure in group trips. Our last was a 5 week trip to Bali. The jungles of Borneo will be next, and on the agenda is China and Eastern Europe.

We’d like a varied, stimulating life. Some days will include being in places like these:




But broad goals are not what we are about. We are about realizing broad goals. To that end we must learn new skills, and apply them. Recently we’ve been learning about marketing.

We’re going to try our hand at viral marketing too


And we are always on the lookout for untapped markets.


Happiness also comes in the flavor of that warm fuzzy feeling you get when you help others. It’s therefore built into our system of thoughts and actions that our work should be of broad benefit. This will make us happy, to do good work. We put up a glass wall between ourselves and unethical ways to fulfill our desires.


But while we want to feel good through helping, we want to choose how we help by ourselves. We therefore take steps to avoid oversight of our private matters.



And while we recognize that a reality based view is the most pragmatic, we also see how our attitudes and perspectives can shift the direction of things.


It is for this reason we screen for positive, ambitious, cheerful and forward looking men. The best and the brightest. We are exclusive.

Being backed by a tribe is big all around plus. A tribe with shared interests a bigger plus. A tribe of guys who also self improve as a lifestyle choice helps each individual reach potentials he didn’t know he had. And these small changes in one area of self improvement that we pick up from our mates can bleed over into other areas.


They say “you are the average of your 5 closest friends”. But social life is only part of what makes up our influences. The environment we create for ourselves can have a big effect.


But making big changes to our environment is not a matter of just dreaming about it, or making good intentioned motions.


So we aren’t satisfied with “faking it until we make it”. We are not about creating an illusion around our selves and waiting for that to become something solid.


And it’s not enough just to have a dream and go for it. It’s important to have a mature, considered, realistic dream with broad all around long term benefits.


One of the benefits of working for a dream is the pleasure in doing so. The thrill of puzzling things out. The child-like enjoyment of playful creativity. Entrepreneurial-ism is a fun creative art.


We get to create cool things, and then share them for profit.


In becoming an effective entrepreneur one must harness a world of elements. Through small tasks we embrace big things.


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Keeping drama at arms length

Posted by xsplat on February 28, 2016

A girl I’m dating is a teenager with a rough past.  Her head is as undersized as her body.  It’s common for people with troubled childhoods to have personality development problems. Developmental impairment is similar to being permanently childish, except that not all aspects of the brain don’t develop, and so you can get deep cunning mixed with a childs sense of boundaries and morality.  Cluster B.

I’ve dated a lot of Cluster B’s.  For many years I would get deeply intimate with them, and work hard to communicate on a deep level and effect some sort of positive long term psychological change.

The more functional Borderlines will be able to hold engaging discussions and convince you of their desire to change.  But they can’t and won’t; all the discussions are a total waste of time.  An annoying waste.  It’s worse than taking your time and flushing it down the toilet, you are exchanging good times for shit.

The less functional cluster Bs are too narcissistic to be able to let any glimpse into awareness that they ever did or could do anything wrong.  Their brains are wired to actively patrol for any thought with any negative self image connotation, and aggressively disallow the thought.  They use techniques such as dissimulation and projection, and when those fail resort to narcissistic rage.

Cluter B’s are also called “high conflict personalities”.  They require occasional conflict in order to feel inner peace.  It is through conflict that they unbalance those around them, and only when those around them are psychologically weaker can they feel any sense of power.  They need that power to feel at ease.  And so paradoxically, in order to feel at ease, they use tactics of hysteria and deliberately pushing other peoples buttons and annoying them.  They try to provoke rage out of others.

It can be a catch 22, because you can’t be a doormat.  You have to fight back from being abused.  You have to hurt them more than they hurt you to make them stop.  But as cluster Bs have a high tolerance for drama, either you out drama them, or you abandon them.  Abandoning is far more threatening to them than drama.  Drama tells them that you care.  Drama means they have power over your emotions.  Abandoning means… death.

A month or so ago my little fluff was causing drama, so I kicked her out and didn’t answer any text messages for several days.  When I did resume contact, it was through a third party who told her that I would not talk to her until she apologized.  As she is a narcissist that was constitutionally impossible for her.  It’s not possible for neuro-normals to empathize with how that works, and since we can’t wrap our minds around it we tend to dismiss the possibility of people being that unredeemable.  But it literally was not possible.  She was not just being stubborn.  She was constitutionally incapable of giving a genuine heartfelt apology.  Narcissists are not capable of either remorse nor negative introspection.

I knew this, but saw it as a power play.  I was not trying to correct her psychology so that she would grow up and act like an adult and so not want to give drama, I was trying to have hand over her so that she would not give drama. I treated all attempts at dissimulation and projection with no response.  I did not accept her apology forced concession to my rules until she worded it stating precisely what she was apologizing for.  “I’m sorry for whatever made you angry” doesn’t count.

A few days later I happened across the blackdragon blog, on a recommendation from another blog I read.  It was a good recommendation; it’s a very good blog.  In one article he linked to his glossary , in which he has this entry:

Soft Next – When a man removes a woman from his life for a short period of time, usually three to seven days, during which he completely ignores all communication from her, because of drama she gave him. At the end of the soft next, the relationship resumes as normal. Soft nexting is one of the most effective tools in a man’s relationship arsenal. Soft nexting is impossible to use on a woman you live with. Women can also soft next men, but it’s executed very differently.

So what I did with The Fluff was a thing.

It worked, and I got a month of drama free affection.  Until yesterday morning, when she woke up after only a few hours of sleep.  She can be a bit weird, and prone to demanding attention through look-at-me antics, hysterical laughing fits or teasing by being contrary when she lacks sleep.   I’d been very ill the last few days, and sleeping a lot, so she was also starving for attention.

When any girl is starving for attention long enough they will act out to receive negative attention.  It’s better than nothing.  But Fluff was as over the top deliberately annoying as she could possibly be; she would not stop until I was infuriated.  Pushing every and any possible button, as blatantly as possible, worse than any terrible two’s toddler throwing spagetti on the wall to get a reaction.  She just went on and on.

So I yelled at her once, told her to go home, and took my laptop to the adjoining atrium.  As she was in her “I won’t do anything you tell me to do no matter what it is” phase, she didn’t immediately leave.  So I had my live in assistant remind her to go now.

There is no negotiating with terrorists.  Cluster Bs will win all negotiatons, simply by drawing you into them in the first place.  The best option is to disengage.  And to disengage you have to personally start from a place where YOU are not very engaged.

Which removes the foundation of mutually caring relationships; intimacy.  People can and do get very intimate with cluster B’s, but doing so is always a cluster fuck.

The three girls remaining in my life now are all a bit developmentally impaired.  In Bali I also had my V, who I really liked, but she left me because she found out twice that I would not stop fucking other girls.  She knew that no matter how strong her attachment to me that the heartbreak was unhealthy for her.

So even while I now have the skills and emotional detachment to manage girls of poor psych development, it comes at a personal cost.  It’s like eating junk food every day.

The junk food was fine and great when I had the nourishment of V, had other girls on the hook, and was active in hunting.  But lately I’m just focused on work, internet dating does not work in my location for me, and daygame leads to one weak IOI every three trips from girls below my threshold.  Combined with having no buddies around, this has led to a build up of angst.

And that’s a good thing; a really important sign.  Thank goodness I don’t feel good!

Some quick fixes to angst are drugs and entertainment.  Meditations can help to rebalance.  But the root causes can only be fixed by life crafting, and for that a guy has to get creative.  Sometimes the solutions are only long term, and he has to plug and slog away, day by day, towards a distant reward.

Luckily I’ve created my own luck and have built up some stored kinetic energy.  I have momentum in the form of my businesses and knowledge and connections, and can redirect that momentum for life crafting.

I’m going on a trip soon, and will have several dates lined up.

Upon returning my Bali bungalows will be ready to live in.  I’ll have fresh scenery and slightly better dating options.

Shortly after several interns will come out.  Good guys on my level who I like.

In the medium term one of my businesses will start to act as a pipeline.

There are solutions to small problems, such as how to manage a cluster B girl.  But sometimes there is no small solution to a big problem.  Life-crafting often requires very big solutions.

And big solutions require momentum.

Another reason I suggest wealth to be built into a man’s lifestyle.  Money gives important options.

Money is a circle in the Venn diagram, that while overlapping other circles, is a distinct category with distinct powers.

Money is long term game that must be woven into lifestyle.  When the other guy is up against the wall with no options, the guy with money has bribes, helicopters, lawyers guns and money.  He isn’t a pawn on a chessboard, he has greater mobility plus the command of other pieces.

No amount of charisma, daygame, nightgame, social circle skill, meditative insight, or personal development, can substitute for money.

And by money I don’t mean being chained to a career and mortgage in return for numbers sequestered in savings and retirement accounts.  I mean real power and real options born from having your own stake in your own businesses.

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Why pure selfishness is a recipe for failing at life

Posted by xsplat on February 24, 2016

Krauser recently published an extremely well written overview of the philosophy of selfishness, which suggests a mirror in PUA philosophy.  If your mind is suited to philosophy, it is a well organized and clear headed read.

I left these comments:

You mentioned that altruism has at it’s root a search for personal happiness.

If you flip that truth around, all the nihilism disappears, because you realize that in order maximize happiness, we MUST do as our biological programming demands of us, and recognize and contribute to and receive positive feedback from those around us.

We are not only individuals, but are individuals that come pre-programmed to act as social insects. An ant is more than an ant when he is in a group. And human individuals are more than human individuals when in groups. Neither ant nor human is fully ant or fully human alone; we are built as social animals.

Our individual happiness is not individual after all.

Krauser replied:

I agree, but it’s a rather odd state of fairs. Doing something altruistic for selfish reasons. The problem with it is it’s not a very strong bulwark against the temptations of nihilism K.

Buddhism holds that karma holds within it no morality at all. Buddhists try to do good deeds for selfish reasons. Do good and good things happen to you, or a more nuanced version, do good and you’ll generally feel better.

Most people feel first, and their inner press secretary later explains why they feel that way. People feel that they don’t want to get cheated, and so explain that cheating is therefore wrong. Or they feel that they would be served by cheating, and therefore explain that the self is the only arbiter of right and wrong, and that what is right for the self is all the right that is required. There actually isn’t any contradiction between these two viewpoints, if you pull back the focus and notice that everyone who is not a full blown sociopath has no option but to swim and soak in the fact that we are socially plugged in and can never unplug. It is therefore simply both true that there is no ultimate right or wrong, no matter how much we FEEL bad when other cheat us, or FEEL good when we cheat others, plus it’s also true that doing good to others overall improves our social standing and feelings of well being, and that causing harm overall brings our feelings and social standing down.

The Buddhist notion of karma can be understood in a highly nuanced way, or for those who require more black and white barriers to action, it can misconstrued as a superstition such that “do good things and good things will happen to you”, and imaginary Karma Gods who control fate are dreamed up.

Some people can handle and understand the nuance, and work perfectly well with nuance, others can’t and so default to Karma Gods. Either way, once we realize the inevitable fact that we feel better when we are helpful, there is no falling back to delusions that being purely selfish is somehow a philosophy of life or a way towards happiness.

When you realize that our evolved psychological nature is built to reward you for sharing rewards with others, you’ll want to consciously craft your life such that you give and receive recognition for giving.  It’s just another hedonistic pursuit that is required to maximize life’s potential.  Avoiding that aspect of life would be a blind spot so large that it would not be possible to steer life towards contentment.

And so it is with all relationships.  Anyone who advocates “pumping and dumping the bitches” is deeply ignorant as to what causes happiness.

You don’t need Karma Gods or morality to acknowledge simple evo-psych facts.  Our emotional rewards were evolved within the context of being social, and therefore it is natural that overall we get rewarded for doing social good.  The idea of morality is completely unnecessary to come to the conclusion that having mutually beneficial relationships (including with women) is more satisfying than trying to get one over on anyone.

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Lifestyle crafting via the tribe

Posted by xsplat on February 24, 2016

We’ve had some amazing brainstorming sessions over the years here in Indonesia.

It’s unfortunate that we don’t have any surviving recordings.  The videos and voice recordings would have conveyed our excitement in our progress and developing potential and displayed the joy that comes from amplifying creative insight by bouncing it off each other.

There were times when we discussed team building.

The vision is of men collaborating on lifestyle and happiness, through a focus on business.  I came up with a logo, and we talked about how each aspect of the logo could stand for important aspects of lifestyle development.

The branding was meant to appeal on many levels.  I can’t access my memory or notes, but we had subdivided up human fulfilment into categories.

I will be using my home made CNC router and smelter and other machines designed and built in house to create the logo as pendants and signet rings.  Different metals for different hierarchies of achievement in the growing group.  Doors with the emblem can also be CNC carved out of tropical trees sliced by the portable bandsaw mill that I had made.

I’ll start fresh and brainstorm alone on things that lead to happiness, joy, contentment, fun, fulfilment, moments of ecstacy, hope, and a sense of a life lived well enough to be not feel gyped out of life by the time death comes knocking.

  • Ongoing adventure.  Adventure doesn’t count as much if we can’t share it, either after or during the act.  Before uploading Gopro videos of the team mountain climbing adventure, our forefathers sang tales of heroic hunts.   Adventures are a type of legacy; experiences so vivid that they spawn little memory-children.  And more than just comforting nostalgia and subjects to reminisce over, they are the training grounds for our next adventures.
  • A feeling of belonging.  As adults we don’t just suck nipple milk to belong, we contribute.  Helping others is one of the joys of life, and to maximize life satisfaction, helping others must be designed right in to the lifestyle.  We help ourselves through personal improvement and banking coin, help our closest group, help those we network with, help those we will never meet, and help those not yet born.  Helping others and being recognized for it increases the oxytocin warm fuzzies that make falling asleep and waking up so much more pleasant.  It’s also tied in with a sense of purpose, that ineffable and ever-changing goal humans are designed to require.
  • Goals.  People stuck in dead end jobs imagine that if they won the lottery that they could finally spend their time lazing on the beach, skiing, hosting big parties and fucking hotties all day.  Strangely enough all wealthy people will tell you that’s not a satisfying life.  The super rich know very well that to give that lifestyle to their children would be cruel.  People need work.  We need to challenge ourselves, grow, and apply ourselves in the service of  projects that affect other people.  Partying and sex and unstructured free time are like sleep is to being awake.  We need that time, but we can’t only have that time.
  • Contemplative mindful quiet.  This aspect of satisfaction usually takes some discipline to be able to develop, but once a person has worked to get a taste for it, he finds it a major source of life enhancement, as each moment of the day becomes deepened with greater clarity and awareness.  Dreams become more vivid.  Dreamless sleep becomes accessible imbued with consciousness.
  • Great sex.  This can be consciously developed through body awareness meditations.  Like hatha yoga, chi-kung meditations can be practiced alone or co-ordinated as group practice.
  • Group sports.  Whether it’s tossing a football on the beach or organized team soccer, there is no substitute for feeling embodied and actively alive as a living object among strategic objects.  Primal physical being.  Sporty like hunters.
  • Friendly chat.  No matter how insightful and creative and smart any one person is, everything he comes up with is also a product of every one he interacted with.  The very building blocks of our thoughts, our words, were taught to us.  We are enmeshed, and can’t think clearly without interaction.  We need chat not only to think, but for mental health.  Ready access to guys who share our interests and are at our mental level is an enormous life improvement.  It can’t be over stated.
  • Hope.  This is an aspect of goals.  We have attainable goals that we work towards, and even if we can’t yet see what is beyond our immediate goals, we see past them to see hope.  Our life is on track and is aimed towards hope.

I’m going to take a break and come back to this later.

I’d love it if lurkers jotted down a few coat-hanger ideas that we can drape something more onto.  If you were involved in an open-source-happiness-project, what would be your code contribution?


I’ll drop a few coat-hangers here:

  • Nature
  • Continuing education
  • Networking
  • Family
  • Lover(s)
  • Travel
  • Unusually large wealth



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Reader is isolated and going nowhere, asks for advice

Posted by xsplat on February 21, 2016

A reader emailed me:

That is the first time in years i acknowledge that i have major problems.

This will be the first time i will talk about my problems with ANYONE.  Im 21, almost 22.

I scored the highest in my class on iq. I had fantastic scores on my high school diploma. Im not a ‘nerd’. Yet im friendless. I have ZERO friends.  None. I have NO ONE to talk to.

My father is virtually exactly the man that the ‘manosphere’ is talking about.  COMPLETELY weak and depressed. My mother is exactly the WOMAN that they are talking about. she hurt me in ways that i cannot, at this time, explain to you.

I dropped out of college a few times already because i just couldn’t make friends. So i only have my high school diploma. im still a virgin.

i have no job and no money. the ONLY thing i do is sit behind my laptop reading blogs, books and watching movies/tv shows. Reading blogs and books are the only things i have done right. I KNOW a lot more then my peers now. But it is useless because im not doing anything with it. The only physical excercise i have is almost 2 hours of biking that i do virtually everyday.

Im completely lost and confused. I dont think im depressed. Or im so depressed that i dont even notice it. I dont do anything fun in my life.  Everyday im tearing myself apart with the knowledge that i already wasted so much time .

Im so scared of the time that im wasting, but i just dont know what i should do.

you are the only person that i think can help me with advice. Please, dont be afraid to be harsh with me. I really need some advice from someone i respect. I dont have someone like that in my real life, so i come to you. The things you’re doing with your life, gives me the one thing i really needed. Hope. Hope that it isn’t over yet. That i still have a chance. Thanks so much for having read this. you have a fantastic blog and i know you will make a REAL difference in so many peoples life.

Good luck with your life and dreams!

My long rambling and unorganized reply:

I’ve been in a very similar position before.

I used to live in the States and there were a few periods where I had no friends or girlfriends. It was physically painful and life was very uncomfortable. The loneliness and stress eventually caused my amygdala or hippocampus to shrink due to the excess cortisol, and so I started the cycle of stress and depression. I had to seek out anti anxiety meds from my Dr.

What I did at the time was to load up my social calendar with as many continuing education classes that I could find that interested me. Some of those classes were Buddhist or Chi-kung or poetry writing related. I hoped to meet girls in the classes, but even though that usually didn’t happen, I forced myself to follow the calendar to get out and get the stimulation.

That helped somewhat.

But for me the big breakthrough and cure for the depression and anxiety only came after moving to SEA.

I understand that you said that you are not suffering from depression and you didn’t mention anxiety. But I think the root cause of my depression and anxiety was social isolation (plus financial stress), so our situations might be similar in that way.

I lived in Bali, Thailand, the Philippines, and again in Indonesia. I found it easier to date girls here, and as the cost of living is so much lower, was able to get by even when my income was very little.

But I was still isolated from hanging with male friends, for the most part, in SEA. That really only changed for me after getting guys to work together on business projects.

I’m not in the habit of giving advice, and have doubts about giving advice. But I can share my own experiences and mental map, and you can see if it relates to you and see if some of my solutions might work for you.

I like to try to focus my free time efforts onto things that I enjoy that could have the possibility to improve my life. For a few years I spent a lot of free time reading and posting on manosphere type blogs, and I think that can be quite helpful. There is a lot to learn that way, and for me it was substitute for face to face social interaction, intellectual stimulation, and creative output, and I needed that and it helped. But after a point it’s a bit of a time suck that gives diminishing returns.

So I tried to pick hobbies more carefully such that they had the possibility to improve my current and future situation. I took up a musical instrument, and that has been fulfilling. The hope is that the skill will be as impressive as I hear that musical ability often is, and so be seductive. My father is retired and plays music with other people all over the world wherever he travels in spontaneous get togethers or organized group meets. I saw him and his friends get together to jam through much of my boyhood. So I can see music has potential to gather male friends and to seduce women. Plus for me it’s something that I enjoy in solitude. I’m a slow learner, but that doesn’t bother me because I figure any progress is progress. As long as I enjoy it, I’ll keep doing it, and in five, ten, or twenty years, I’ll be pretty good at it.

For the last two months I’ve been working on Ellie Gouldings “Love Me Like You Do“, and I’ve pretty well got it down now. It’s a complicated piece that demands a lot from the left hand. For a few years before I mostly just improvised, and didn’t even try to learn any set musical pieces. I figured that the most important thing was to enjoy myself, and at first I didn’t enjoy trying to learn set musical pieces. After my fingers got accustomed to what they taught themselves through improv, they now do enjoy learning set pieces. So for me the most important thing was that it was fun, that way I never had to force myself to practice; I always enjoyed playing as something I wanted to do.

I’ve heard that fitness reduces stress, boosts the immune system, and of course a good physique increases sexual status. So I’ve made it a habit to regularly go to the gym. Like with most habits, once you set them up they are not difficult to maintain. It’s just something that you do. More so after many years.

Your regular cycling seems great. You might consider weight lifting also, for the different benefits, especially physique.

If you are going to spend a lot of time in front of the laptop, you may as well shift your focus towards something that can earn a scaleable income. I can’t give any suggestions about what online businesses could work. I have many business ideas, but I plan to profit off of those myself. If you wanted to work on those it would have to be in the context of being an intern out here.

I’ve always found that meditation and chi-kung are life and mood improving, however for me they can’t overcome the requirement for social interaction. Meditation and social interaction can be combined because people gather to take classes and meditate together, and then later socialize together. The social part didn’t always work that well for me, but I did make some friends and girlfriends that way.

When I was about your age others considered me a bit shy and awkward, and on my part I felt I’d like to improve my ability to chat with people, and that played a part in my decision to take up sales. I bought jewelry and clothing and sold it first at the flea market and local university in the student center, and then later in music shows and special events and on long road trips to universities in other states. Through this every day I was chatting up girls. Sometimes I would travel with a girlfriend, or on Dead tour I’d have a group of people helping, but for the most part the road trips were done solo, so after a while I again felt a bit isolated when on the road. I did make some vendor friends and friends in other states.

Travelling sales was lucrative at first, but eventually most vendors were struggling. I can’t recommend it as an option for you, but brought it up as a generally orienting principal of trying to have ones profession work to augment ones own personal deficits. Many people mentioned to me that I was the most unlikely person to be in sales as my personality seemed so aloof and quiet and even shy. Yes, but that’s WHY I was in sales. And my own style actually worked just fine – I was an above average salesperson. I found my own authentic way to engage with people. I had to or I would have burned out. If you have to force yourself to do something it isn’t sustainable. I had to find my own way that worked for me.

Even so eventually it was time to move on into a new entreprenurial profession. I was in travelling sales for about 7 years. My vendor peers congratulated me on being able to “get out”, as the economy was no longer supporting most of us in the style we were accustomed to, yet people were trapped by their investment in inventory and their own momentum.

You are asking for advice and I’m rambling on about my past. Not sure if that comes close to counting as advice. I’m just thinking that you are going to have to come up with your own solutions, as only you know your problems and interests and opportunities intimately. I’m just giving examples of how my challenges led to my own choices, in the hopes that you can look to your own challenges and find your own solutions.

I’d like to think that my offer of internship could be an instant one size fits all fix for social and financial fulfillment. It might be for some. That could be something for you to consider.

Otherwise I’d consider looking into lifting, taking up an instrument, finding some job that is social, finding some continuing ed or other group gatherings that interest you that can put you next to people who share your interests, starting your own business, limiting the time you spend on persuits that don’t improve your future, and taking up meditation and chi-kung.

You asked me to not hold back on being harsh.  I expect that your situation is very common.  Westerners are lucky to have all the blessings that come from valuing individuality, but there are downsides that are built into that system.  Many of us are terribly isolated.  The harshest thing I have to say at the moment is that you should be more cautious with your punctuation.  i find that people are, like, too casual with their speech and writing and stuff.  If you are going to do something – anything at all – you may as well do it well.  It is not only how you present yourself to the world, but is an exercise in mindfulness and awareness and craft, which improves both mood and social standing.

Best regards,

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Rebuilding the tribe – read this and tell your friends

Posted by xsplat on February 16, 2016

Men need a tribe.

In this age of easy travel and high speed internet in every pocket we still manage to have an atomized and disconnected culture.

People feel best when they feel connected to a group, and contribute.  It’s not just about shooting the shit over poker chips and beer every Friday.  Our ancient ancestors lived in literal tribes, and those that survived thrived best within a tribal social setup.  We are at our best when we rely on each other and help each other.

We also need hope.  Hope for a better future.  Working together on a common cause can be more than the kind of hope that you scratch at the lottery ticket counter.  Guys can pay their dues through long hours of diligent effort, and over years purchase their own freedom from this system of slavery that everyone assumes is inescapable.

Being an entrepreneur on your own is dangerous and difficult and risky.  I didn’t go to college and just could not bring myself to get a career.  For me working for a company, no matter what the salary, did not offer enough hope.  I don’t want to just work the system well, I want to conquer it and have financial freedom.  More than freedom, I want real power.   Some periods I profited over $1000 per day, other periods I lived hand to mouth.  During long lean periods I never wavered in my dedication to entrepreneurialship, because I new that I had a shot at greatness.

I’m 50 now, and have earned my food through my own self employed efforts all my life.  Actually I’ve had little businesses since age 9.  I didn’t go to business school, and there is a lot about running businesses that I have yet to learn.  Some things I try fail, other things work.  But by now I’ve built up some experience and momentum, and know how to be an entrepreneur.

I have two solid income streams that earn me enough to keep a staff of 3 engineers, two secretaries, one web developer, one 3d modeller, and two manufacturers.  I also pay for a four story shophouse that acts as an office, R&D and fabrication lab.  We are starting to smelt our own aluminum to use for making parts on the CNC router table that we manufactured.  The staff is mostly working on a new startup that has not made one sale yet, but my profitable businesses earn more than enough to fund the new startups.

The shop house is in Java.  The town doesn’t have much going for it, but I’ve made my 4th floor very comfortable, with a piano conservatory in an atrium beside my room, and a second atrium abuts the other side of my large room, so I like staying here.  I have three girlfriends and another ex girlfriend is a personal assistant.

But I can’t be happy just with my businesses and the girls.  Men need a tribe, and I need a tribe.

I have a ten year lease on a plot of land in a great area in Seminyak, Bali.  The first bungalow is nearing completion.  I will build three bungalows that have two stories, and two that have three stories.  The land will be well landscaped with gardens and a good sized swimming pool.

I can use this land to house my tribe, but my plan is to sell off leases to some of the buildings, and get into the real estate development business.  This means that I’ll be renting other plots of land and repeating the process.

I will also be building a factory in Bali.  If all goes according to plan then construction will start before 2017 comes around.  I’ll open a retail outlet in Bali too, that will attract tourists and locals.  I also have a new startup business in the modelling industry, so there should be a steady stream of attractive women that need our attention.

I have plans to open up retail and engineering offices in other parts of the world.  Bulgaria is one option, but I may also consider tourist towns in South America, Japan, and who knows where else.

When I was a teenager I wasn’t satisfied with my group of friends, and so I looked through the yearbook and thought about every guy in it, and chose a new friend.  He didn’t live in my neighbourhood, but the travel was worth the effort.  We quickly became good buddies, and it was great to finally hang with someone on the same wave length.  We only hung out for a year, as he started doing too many drugs and hanging out with a bad crowd, so I gave up on him.  He dropped out of school and committed suicide one year later.  But that’s not the point.  The point is I deliberately chose to create my own tribe, and it worked for a while.  We had some of the best sympatico I’ve experienced in my life, and that’s a genuine treasure.

Or maybe it is the point.  If he had not surrounded himself with a bad crowd, his life would not have led to suicide.  Our friends are the biggest influence to our happiness, and we can choose them.

I’ve had guys out here before helping with my businesses and exploring the lifestyle that Bali and Java have to offer.  I’ve had very positive feedback from most of them, while here and after they left, and no negative feedback from anyone.  There were periods when not a day would go by that we didn’t each one of us give spontaneous thanks and gratitude for the lifestyle we were able to create.  A big part of what made us happy was just each other.  It’s really very good to have a tribe of men.  A huge life improvement.

Sometimes there was just one guy out here, sometimes two or three.  The max we had was eight.

I remember talking to Aaron about getting us all to work harder.  I told him that if he was unable to help to motivate the guys to put in more hours then people would think that I was nothing but a guy with great ideas, but that I could not get things done and make real money.   I know he heard me and that made solid sense to him, but we never did buckle down as a group.  Aaron knew I pulled in ample money, and I don’t think he ever felt the same urgency to generate new profit that I did.  I was offering everyone a good lifestyle of good food, booze, places to stay, and access SEA chicks and tourists.  We were interested in entrepreneurial growth, but I failed to get people to put in 8 hours of productive work each week day.  And that’s a small ask.  Most entrepreneurs put in much more, and in many careers the expectations for work hours are enormous.

So when people didn’t work, they didn’t grow the businesses, which means that they only got a great lifestyle on my dime, which is not enough for people.  People want to bank coin also.

To be an entrepreneur and grow your own businesses you have to pay your dues.  Just like in any other way that you want to make money.  Lawers put in HUGE hours in schooling and office work to get to the point where they succeed, and even then not all do succeed.  Doctors are sleep deprived for years before they earn their high income lifestyle.  Entrepreneurialism can bring in big money, but it doesn’t come easily.  It doesn’t always come on the first try.  It takes a lot of work.

I’m going to get a team together again, only this time we will work.  At least 8 hours of productive work per day.  I want men who are ambitious.  I want men who will motivate each other, and not slide into habits of drinking and partying and surfing and fucking and schmoozing too much.  We have a future to build.  Not just a solid future, but a top 1% future.  Maybe one in 10 guys who will join us will have the skill and diligence to make partnership, I don’t know.  I’m only offering opportunity, it’s up to each guy to make something of it.  I know that most people don’t have what it takes to put in hard work when they have the option not too.  I personally have a hard time with motivation sometimes.  Last week was a rough one for me, and I just couldn’t seem to motivate myself.  It happens.

But one of the reasons I was unmotivated was because I lack social stimulation from a tribe.

Having a tribe is fucking great.  If you haven’t had that, you’ve got to try it, at least once.  We were built for that.

So I’m going to be working to build that up again.  This site will go to a new domain, and someone will redesign it.  I might have people start to post on some entrepreneurial forums.  I might put ads in job boards.

What I have offered before is free room and board until the intern earned enough profit to pay me back everything I had invested in him.  After that he could keep 20% of profits that he earned.

That 20% is difficult to keep track of, unless the intern is the only person working on a single project, and that’s not likely to happen.  So we’ll have to come up with some way to get more clear about that.

Now some people might think 20% isn’t enough.  Twenty percent is a great offer, and if you don’t think so go start your own businesses or build your career.

I’m also not going to give away 20% of businesses that I have already developed.  The % is for new businesses that the interns develop.

I take all the financial risks.  Nobody has to buy a franchise and risk losing his investment.  The worst someone could lose is time away from developing their career.  The best they can get is happiness and a great lifestyle and eventually vast wealth and global social connections.

As an entrepreneur I’ve had some really tough times.  I’ve been too broke to pay my rent or even to cut my own hair.  Entrepreneurialism is about risk versus reward, and you’ve all heard the statistics about what the risks are.  Something like 90% of all startup businesses fail within the first few years.

But very few careers can give the big financial rewards that can come from having a stake in your own business.  My father told me that nobody is going to make you wealthy working for their business.  The system doesn’t work like that.  Employees get compensation, but not a percent of profits.  If you want to be wealthy you need your own business.

But one man businesses very rarely earn big wealth either.  The corporate structure is thereby a necessity; men must work as a team in order to compete and bring in the big dollars.

You can get a good position in a good corporation.  I’m not offering that.  I’m offering starting corporations, from the ground up.  I take all the risk for the entrepreneurship, I provide all the capital, and you get to earn a % of the company.

If five guys are working on a new company, they can’t all get 20% of the profits and leave me with nothing of course.  And we will want to re-invest our profits into new ventures.  So we’ll have to work out how company shares are distributed.  Startups have done that in the past, so we can look to precedent.   I also like the idea of a pool of resources only available while working in the corp, such as company cars, company villas, company yachts, and expense accounts.  That way people will be better off staying then just building an income and leaving.  And not everyone is going to make partner just by showing up either.  People have to pay their dues here, just like anywhere else.

If anyone is interested in joining one of the first things I’ll have you do is work on recruitment from where you are now.  Later you’ll need to relocate out to Indonesia.  Later we’ll have travel and relocation options to our other offices.

I’ve built a good reputation here with my guys.  People who have left have gone on to tell other guys that I’m a good mentor and that they had very positive experiences here.  I think for some guys they will look back on the times here as some of the happiest in their life.

What is offered:

  • A tribe of guys to collaborate at business and life with
  • Access to tourist and SEA women
  • Good accomodations in a good location in world holiday destination
  • Good food
  • Internship in real world hands on entrepreurialism from a successful entrepreneur with three decades of experience in many different fields.
  • A possibility to get shares in the companies you help to build

What is expected of you; you have to be valuable to the group.  That means:

  • At least eight hours of productive focused work per day
  • You have to be willing to follow orders, even if you disagree with those orders.  Just because we are working as a group does not mean that there is no chain of command.
  • You can’t have any mental or mood disorders, and you need to be able to be pleasant and even fun to be around.
  • You have to have ambition for your life.  The bigger the ambition the better.
  • You need to be able to share the wealth.  If deep down you want to own 100% of your own business one day, then don’t apply.  This isn’t a school of entrepreneurialship or a summer camp.  This isn’t a dress rehearsal for something else.  This is start up businesses that you become a part of.  I’ve had guys leave or not join because they wanted to work on their own modest effort, such as freelance web design.  They preferred to keep 100% of something small rather than 20% of something big.  If that’s how you think, you are not ready to contribute to this team.
  • You have to be willing to go through periods of missing your home.  It’s common to get home sick, but this isn’t summer camp where you call your Mommy to come get you because you are home sick.  No matter how great the environment that I provide you with, it will not be your familiar home.  You have to be able to deal with that.
  • You will need to give notice if you choose to quit.  I’ve had guys tell me one day that they are really happy to be here, and a few days later tell me that they bought tickets to leave tomorrow.  What the fuck man.  Grow up.  When you invest yourself out here, take it as seriously as you would any job.  It’s not only an opportunity, it’s also a responsibility.  Give proper notice if you choose to leave.  And that doesn’t mean “I’ll be in Bali for  a few weeks on holiday before I fly out.”  It means wrapping up your work and training up people to take over.

I’m expecting that we’ll again have a high turnover rate.  Living in another country is not for everyone, and you’ll never know if it’s for you until you try it.  And some guys will not be invited to stay on after their 3 month probation period.  What we are building is a team of the best and the brightest PRODUCTIVE men.  We will work in all possible ways to be as happy and fulfilled as possible.  The business and the money is only one part of that.  But it’s the best excuse to work together on the happiness project that I can think of.  Those that succeed here will know a level of life success 90 percent of the world has never even considered possible.  People already tell me that when they get to my age they want to have what I have, and I’m only getting started.  You ain’t seen nothin’ yet.

Lurkers, now is the time to get out of lurk mode and leave productive comments.  Tell your friends.  Suggest how I can make this vision reality.







The application form linked in one of the above posts is not working properly right now.  If you are interested email from the email address on the contact page and tell me about yourself.  Please don’t waste my time with idle curiosity.  If you are not emotionally capable and ready to live in Indonesia then don’t apply.

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Do all smart kids internalize shame for being smart?

Posted by xsplat on February 14, 2016

It also goes without saying that I did as all smart kids in high school do, and was careful to dumb down my vocabulary. This wasn’t just so that people weren’t confused with unfamiliar words.

It’s simply not cool to be different. All smart people learn that. You can’t take any pride in being smart, except in a hidden way. You learn to feel superior, but that’s not pride.

A football hero can feel pride. A smart kid can’t. A smart kid can only feel a hidden arrogance. An arrogance he must conceal.

Any possibility of pride gets contorted into social shame. You feel arrogance and it burns in you and you can’t get rid of it, no matter how much you want to.

Being measurably better becomes a source of being measurably worse. Nobody wants to be around people that KNOW they are better, and you can’t stop accurate self assessment. So who are are has to be hidden, and your own self assessment has to be kept secret, and you internalize shame for knowing who you are. You are arrogant, and can’t stop.

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Telling you why I’m forever alone will further alienate me

Posted by xsplat on February 12, 2016

Every few years I’ll try to explain to people how lonely it is being on the right end of the bell curve while constantly creatively interested in ideas.

Whenever I do it just furthers the loneliness and alienation, because instead of getting any sort of sympathy or understanding, that just comes across as unjustified arrogance and seriously pisses people off.  “Oh, so you think you’re better than me!”

My life: A never ending quest to find someone who’ll talk about interesting stuff with me.

–  Unknown


Robin Hanson’s work is often quoted in journals.  His blog Overcoming Bias often talks about how we think with bias; how confirmation bias and political alliance is built right into to our evolved hard wiring for how to think.  I don’t think via political alliance, and many people see this as a flaw; instead of telling it as I see it I’m supposed to maintain solidarity and group think along with everyone else and fit in like a good boy.


People can’t understand that it’s not possible for me to think creatively while at the same time not being contentious


I see that I think with less bias than average, and I can link up facts into wide coherent arrays better than just about anyone I’ve ever met.  This is not arrogance, it’s an accurate self assessment.  My mind does not work “normally”.  I suspect that my evolved firmware is of a different caste than other firmwares; my genetics lead me to think differently.

I received this email today:

Hey X,


Finally got hooked on your blog this week and spent hours going through your back log.  I’ve actually come across your site at least half a dozen times but never stuck around because it’s quite difficult to navigate.  (I’m sure you know this already, but a ‘Start Here’ or ‘Best Of’ page would be extremely helpful.)


If you’re curious, the posts that grabbed my attention were your critiques of Roosh and Rollo.  They echoed many of my own thoughts and gave me some hope that at least one red pill writer knows what the fuck he’s talking about.  Your point about people distorting true concepts (e.g. Alpha Fucks Beta Bucks) until they are cartoonishly simple was spot on.  Very insightful.


Anyways, I’m not writing this just to ride your dick.  Your posts on Guardians and Myers-Briggs touched on an area that I’ve explored a lot in the past couple of years. Like many people, I thought MBTI was mostly bullshit and not particularly useful.  However, it’s become a meaningful tool for me and I thought I’d share some of my insights with you.




You mentioned that you had strong artisan traits but tested as an INTJ.  I completely understand, because for years I tested as an INTJ myself.  I think anyone who values rationality and logic highly will tend to test as an INTJ.  (One of many flaws in the available tests.)


Over time, I began to question the INTJ label – although I wasn’t great at handling strong emotions, I felt like the cold, Spock-ish description of most INTJs didn’t describe me well.  I started testing as an INFJ instead.  But again, I felt like the description was right for parts of me and very wrong in others.


Eventually, I found my type by accident.  It had never once occurred to me that I would fall on the extrovert side of the spectrum.  I’ve always been a loner. Handful of very close friends, everyone else held at arm’s length.  I also have a strong need for ‘me time.’  I used to go crazy when I lived in a barracks because I could never get away to think.


And yet, I found that ENTP (known as the ‘most introverted extrovert’)  fit me like a glove, and after reading your stuff I have a strong suspicion you might be an ENTP as well.




I think it’s clear from your writing that you are an NT (a Rational).  Of course, every personality type is capable of thinking rationally, but I think you’ll agree that very few people do it naturally.  If I had to describe the difference, I’d say that other types can use logic and rationality if they stop and think carefully, whereas NTs live in rational mode.  We can’t not see logical flaws and questionable assertions.  It’s just how our brains work.


So your writing puts you squarely in the NTs, but what makes me think ENTP specifically?  To understand that, you have to get how the Cognitive Functions operate.  (Obligatory disclaimer: this is pseudo-science, obviously.  MBTI is ultimately just a useful heuristic, not necessarily a factual model for how our minds work.)  That being said, the idea of Cognitive Functions adds a lot of depth to MBTI and does an excellent job of explaining exactly how and why personality types are different.  I won’t bog down this email with a description, but here’s a link if you’re interested.


The primary cognitive function of an ENTP is Extraverted Intuition (Ne).  Ne is difficult to describe accurately – it’s much easier to describe actions that are characteristic of it.  Extraverted Intuition constantly scans the environment for possibilities.  It feeds off of ideas and connections and possibilities and always wants more.  People who use Ne are usually avid readers and debaters.  They are curious about anything and everything and absolutely live for that moment when they make a new connection or have an epiphany.


You inadvertently gave an excellent description of how Ne works in your post on how to think creatively.  That process you describe is basically systematic Extraverted Intuition.  Comparing things to connect them in interesting ways, or looking at a situation and instantly seeing what isn’t there – and what could be there, if someone were to make it happen.


So, why do I think you lead with Ne?  For starters, there are the hundreds and hundreds of comments you’ve left on forums and blogs in the manosphere.  Ne users need to ‘feed’ their Ne by consuming content and discussing it with others.  Personally, I love – and need – to talk through my thoughts with other people (even if the ‘conversation’ only consists of reading a blog post and formulating a response). I read stuff from people I disagree with regularly – Jezebel and Ta-Nahisi Coates, for example.  The act of reading and thinking through their writing forces me to sharpen my own position and tease apart the truth from the falsehoods.


Another tell-tale sign of Ne – you consistently use analogies to make your points.  The way that you tie music into all sorts of seemingly unrelated topics is an excellent marker of Extraverted Intuition.


Entrepreneurship is another indicator.  You see problems or areas of potential improvement and are motivated to bring those thoughts into reality.


You have broad interests – music, dancing, writing, business, game.  Ne again.




That explains the E, N, and T.  What about the P?  Well, the difference between P and J is another source of confusion, but the simplest explanation is that P’s prefer to keep their options open, whereas J’s prefer to have things settled as soon as possible.


So, why P?  It’s obvious, to me anyways.  You prefer to have a series of multiple LTRs instead of picking one girl and sticking with her forever.  You prefer to be a serial entrepreneur who is continually starting new ventures and seeking new challenges instead of settling into a single business or career.  Strong indicators of P over J.




I’ll conclude this rather long email with some descriptions and thoughts about ENTPs.  You are a grown ass man who seems fairly well rounded and developed, so some of these characterizations (particularly the flaws and insecurities) might describe your younger self better than your current personality.  Still, this is the most insightful description of an ENTP I’ve found.  Other great reads on the topic:  a fun one, a brief one, and a thorough one.


Anyways, I hope you find this useful, even if it only helps you clarify why you’re NOT an ENTP and are actually something else.  I’d love to hear back from you, and keep up the writing – it’s the best thinking I’ve come across in quite a while.



Years will pass between meeting new people that I can easily and quickly share ideas with.  They feel like long lost brothers when I meet them; as if we’ve always been friends, but only just now met up.  A long time can pass between meeting or talking, and it’s the same feeling.  We might pick up a conversation thread we left off in mid sentence months later.

I get a feeling of connection and belonging and intimacy and union through sharing ideas.  It’s very important to me, and very rare.  Loneliness seems built right in to me, because my thinking styles and abilities are very rare.  Most people I meet are not interested in or capable of mind sex with me.

That is not arrogance, nor some fault of my attitude.  It is exactly what it is.


Most people feel camaraderie through shared ideals.  People bond over being into the same sports team!  I’m the exact opposite; talk of sports just makes me feel more alienated, because I could not possibly begin to pretend to give a fuck which side won what point for moving the ball.  If it were not ignorance than it would be insulting that anyone would think that I would care, and playing make believe about it only alienates me from others; the exact opposite of what it does for other people.

People use their biases to form cliques and therefore fit in and feel a sense of belonging.  For me biases only increase alienation.


This teacher feels frustrated, alone, and alienated

There was a bright intern that I didn’t feel was a good addition to the group because he enjoyed bickering.  He used ideas as a constant game of one-upsmanship.  The other guys quickly started to enjoy his games, and would have fun fighting over who was right.  This guy was famous for never changing his mind.  That would be antithetical to the whole purpose of his game!




The group dynamic shifted away from co-operation, but I don’t think that’s the only reason he got on my nerves.  He didn’t seem to get on other peoples nerves.  I think it’s because my thinking style takes it’s pride and essence as being towards including new ideas into a big picture whole.  While his seemed to be about how to craft a carefully defended viewpoint.


The ENTP’s life can and will be frustrating for a significant part.

– O2


Most of us prefer the comfort of the known, and work to protect our ego. Extreme versions of this are knows as the personality developmental disorder Narcissism. A narcissist will lash out in rage when his self conception is threatened. But we are all a bit narcissist.

Those who’se minds constantly seek to fit in NEW information into an ever evolving NEW conception of the world work fundamentally differently. Truth is more important than feeling good about yourself – in fact we derive feeling good about ourselves from our ability to adapt to new truths.


For us we are not trying stay home and be protected and warm.

We will expat and start up our own new businesses. Comfort of the known is not as important as the potential of the unknown.

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Our emotions can not process statements that include IF, AND or AND/OR.

Posted by xsplat on February 12, 2016

I noticed years ago that many Asian females seemed unable to process statements that included the word IF.  When I tried to articulate this and share my insight with others, it seemed ludicrous to everyone.

And yet whenever I would say to some Face-enculturated SEA chick something like “IF you keep nagging me then it makes me not like you”, or “IF you won’t stop chatting with Facebook boys then I can’t trust you”, they come back with “Oh, so you don’t like me!”  or “Oh, so you are saying that you don’t trust me!”  The IF portion of the statement is ignored, and all they can focus on is what comes after the if.  As if they have no agency or ability to choose my reaction to them.

I don’t think this is merely a manipulative strategy.  I think it’s a cognitive error.  Some people genuinely have difficulty processing IF statements, especially when they are about very emotional issues, such as how their FACE is perceived.

It is well known that some very influential modules of our brain are not able to process logical statements.

If you’ve ever studied hypnosis, you’ll know that you can’t use negatives or if statements when you make suggestions. The subconscious simply can’t understand them. You can’t hypnotise someone to NOT want sex. You could instead hypnotize someone to associate sex with something else. Negatives just don’t register.

Politicians are also coached to not deny any wrong doing, but to instead distract and reframe, because the denial can’t be processed.  “I didn’t have sex with that woman” is emotionally processed as “I am being accused of having sex with that woman”.  The negative simply does not register.  We don’t think like our language suggests to us that we think.

Once you realize this it sheds some light on why many people struggle with AND statements.

It might seem preposterous that such a simple word as AND is difficult to understand.  It’s one of the simplest words that the youngest children quickly grasp.  And yet most adults can’t understand AND statements.

Afox commented on my last post AND is the most difficult word in the English language

The problem with Fudge’s line of thinking here is that there aren’t two types of sex.

This is an observation I was talking about in my last comment here about the map and the territory.

Do women have sex for validation and transactionally? Yes. That creates the map of “Validation sex” and “transactional sex.”

The minute you use that map to place a woman into either one, the map is no longer the territory – it’s a hyper0reality or abstraction where women fit into one of two camps.

Ultimately, you can’t have both a river and a cloud represented on a 2-D map accurately, because they both occupy the same space. It’s the same with people.

All of us are made up of competing ideologies at all times. It’s not like sometimes you’ll have sex with a girl “just for validation” or “just to impress your friends” because ultimately your dick wouldn’t get hard. But undoubtedly validation does play a role in pursuing girls sometimes.

Girls are exactly the same. It’s not like girls consciously say “oh yeah I want to get validation from that guy because he has bright blue eyes” or “I really want to have sex with him because he’s seven feet tall.” They are attracted at a certain level to physical characteristics, and at a different level to other things – personality, charisma, wealth.

As for wealth itself, it is clearly a means of getting “valuation sex.” (Whatever that means.) Girl sees strong, muscular guy – imagines what her life will be like in the future when she’s having sex with this beautiful stranger, hanging off his arm, getting him to bring her groceries in from the car.

Girl sees uber-rich guy – imagines what her life will be like with all those things that money buys – getting sexed on a comfortable mattress, getting taken to Paris, being treated like a princess.

Those are both examples of romantic fantasies with no difference between them. It’s always transactional. It’s always validational.

Thinking in terms of “does she like you” or “is she in it for something else” is exactly what Xsplat talked about in his Rollo criticism; you’re either “alpha” where she wants you just because, or “beta” in which case you might as well MGTOW and buy whores.

It’s a false dichotomy, an overly simplified map, and the quicker you expand your mental models to incorporate a more nuanced thinking about human ambition the happier you’ll be.

Dichotomies are even more dangerous when they are not false.

I seriously believe that the word AND is not a word that many people can understand, and it really may be a word that most people can’t.

I’ve heard that our attention has a limit of how many objects it can track at once, and our short term memory has a limit on how many objects it can hold at once. I’ve heard it it said that famous investor Warren Buffet is unusually good at his job precisely because he is able to hold an unusual number of variables in mind at once. Multi-variable thinking seems simply beyond the capacity of most people. Mechanically – the brain either can’t do it, or actively struggles AGAINST allowing it to be done.

It seems a silly and stupid thing to say that most people can’t understand what the word AND means, but it’s actually very accurate. We know what IF, AND, and AND/OR mean, but most people can’t use IF, AND, and AND/OR statements at the same time as being emotional, or when going with their strongest gut feeling.

I haven’t heard of it being studied before, but it seems that philosophically MOST people simply are not capable of cognizing multi-variable views of the world.

And then you get people who can do it, but always revert back to simpler gut feelings.

I suggest that on some level AND statements simply do not register. People choose one image, OR they choose another image, but they CAN NOT see both at the same time.  EITHER alpha fucks, OR beta bucks.

I see it ALL the time in the manosphere.  Very few people want to see sexual marketplace value as a gestalt of multiple variables.  The last time I read Heartiste he kept insisting that fundamentally all attraction boils down to confidence.  I still come across many people who choose to believe and proselytise this.

Heartiste is a very intelligent man, and yet he has great difficulty with AND statements.

Rollo also refuses all evidence that suggests that money can inspire comfort AND sexual lust responses.  Rollo is one of the smartest manosphere writers out there, and is on the far right end of the bell curve for pattern recognition.  And yet even he has difficulties with AND statements.

Parts of our mind can do well with IF, AND, AND/OR statements, and some people can code up virtual realities using the four statements of IF, AND, OR, and AND/OR.

But I suggest that it is not those modules of the mind that we use when we choose what is real.  I suggest that other modules in our mind are not capable of using those statements, and those are very often, if not MOST often the modules that we use when we decide what is true.

As children we can not process multivariable personalities.  This is why cartoons are so popular with children.  You have the good guys, and the bad guys.  You don’t have good guys who sometimes do bad things, because children are not capable of processing AND.  They only know how to process OR.

AND statements don’t give us immediate emotional certainty and immediately show us our relationship to things.  It is not soothing to have AND statements.  It is soothing to have OR statements.

That is why you will never hear any politician trying to engage an audience in a way that is different than how cartoons engage children.

Beware high contrast, cartoonish world views.  Beware all mental maps of the socio-sexual marketplace that are not held together in a web of AND statements.


Relevant: http://human-stupidity.com/science/evolution-psychology-darwin/to-justify-our-moral-judgments-we-invent-victims-even-if-there-are-none

I have vivid memories of my Kindergarden teacher “Madamoiselle” drawing Venn diagrams on the blackboard to explain the logic of shapes. Round objects, blue objects, triangular objects, red objects.

I always assumed that since that was a kindergaren lesson that all adults naturally organized their categories in terms of Venn diagrams, as I can’t help but do. It takes concentrated effort to realize that people not only don’t naturally think in Venn diagrams, but that teaching Venn diagrams doesn’t automatically transform HOW they think.  For me that Kindergaren lesson was like seeing Two Girls One Cup. It was something that could never be unseen.  It wasn’t a revelation, as it was just showing what was already too obvious to bother pointing out, but the circles made a nice graphical representation that can’t help but permanently imprint a person’s thought processes.  Can it?

Here is a quote from a discussion of how high IQ people tend to have different thought processes:

I have noticed my intuitive thinking patterns seem to involve a kind of rapidfire simultaneous Venn diagramming and very abstract analogizing.

Another quote from the same discussion:

I wonder if it is a return to a dogmatic extreme not seen since the dark ages after the collapse of the Roman empire; people are seeking to grasp at any solidity when the world they live in is changing in either physical, governmental, or informational ways. Those with IQ’s less than 145 may simply be wired to need relief from uncertainty.

A Venn diagram allows for “vision-logic”, which is holding a multitude of variables coherently in mind at once. It bypasses the limits of our restricted attention to allow parallel thought processes.

I suspect that while a very small minority of people can’t stop themselves from thinking this way, a larger minority can think this way with effort when not ego challenged, a larger minority will think this way during peak experiences, and most people ACTIVELY fight AGAINST ever thinking this way.

Polititians will NEVER speak to peole who can think multi-variably. The job of the polititian is to give you a simple worldview that you believe is within reach, if only you would vote for him.

Simple world views are ALWAYS wrong. ALWAYS more wrong than right. Always a cartoon. Always a mistake to choose to believe. Always a lazy cognitive error, that you are evolved to have for simple fight or flight analysis, that can also be co-opted (especially by those who want power over you) into group cohesion tribal signifiers of group identity politics. Yes, we all believe in the same God and sports team! Go Chicago!


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AND is the most difficult word in the English language

Posted by xsplat on February 11, 2016

Fudge said:

A general theme I’ve been noticing on your blog over the past year is “money can make up for age”.

Sure, with enough money anything is possible BUT one thing you seem to always leave out and forget is the two types of sex women have…

Validation sex: when women fuck you because they just like you for you. Could be your swagger, could be your looks. Scientifically speaking she wants your genes. This type of sex is not transactional and people wouldn’t deem the women’s actions as ‘fake’. You could be dirt poor and a wanted criminal with no status in society – didn’t matter. This is the kind of sex every guy seeks.

Transactional Sex: this is the kind of sex that happens when women need to fuck to survive or move up a rung or two in status. They arnt after the guys genes, they are after his provisioning powers. As a man , unless you have the IQ of a stone , you can usually sense the degree to which the sex is transactional. It’s not as good as validation sex and you don’t feel like a ‘stud’ after.

I live in Thailand so I see the extremes of both ends. Young girls living with old guys but not really liking him… And these same girls cheating on said old guy provisioner with young steroid using bodybuilders who are almost broke.

There was a large scale rigorous scientific study done, in China, that concluded that women orgasm more for wealthy men.


Read that and let me know if your opinion remains the same.

Just because one dynamic happens, does not mean that ONLY one dynamic happens.

Money-power-status CAN and very often DOES add to SEXUAL attraction.

Over and over I see that AND is the most difficult word in the human language to comprehend.

Rich guys can be unattractive, AND broke guys can be attractive, AND money can make men more attractive.

Simple thought experiment. Compare apples to apples. Take any apple and add money – you get a SEXUALLY more attractive apple. Stop comparing fat old rich men to handsome young broke dudes. Compare any broke man with that SAME man with money.

Any man who has lived through both periods in a short time will tell of his personal experience of gaining several attractiveness points.

You can even show the same picture of a man to a woman, and how much money you’ve primed her to expect him to have will influence her vaginal moisture.  Who wants to date a millionaire is not ONLY about who wants to be financially taken care of.  It’s also about who wants to orgasm more for a wealthy man.



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Monsters inside me

Posted by xsplat on February 11, 2016

There was a time in my life where I was being persecuted. The background level of anxiety was slowly cooking me; I couldn’t radiate away the tension as fast as it came in. At the time every single morning I would wake up with a burning undirectable generalized anger. Every single morning, during the morning’s twilight sleep where I’m not awake enough to want to get up but not asleep enough to believe in the reality of a vivid hallucination, I would visualize shooting arrows into the sky.

The generalized anger is back, and so is the anxiety. Only now I wake up daydreaming about drastic eugenics and eugenically minded population control measures.

It’s an indulgence that I sometimes regret, but at the time it’s too difficult to change the channel and try to do tonglen; breathing into my heart chakra and finely feeling negative emotions and breathing out peace, ease, and contentment. I just go with the flow and try to fix my internal suffering by in my imagination controlling all that is wrong with the world.

This morning I had fantasies about creating a volcano sized satellite launcher that could launch many powerful and dangerous satellites per minute so that I could have ultimate power to coerce.

I’ve been having recurring nightmares of being back in my old business. I used to be a travelling salesman, and would need to carefully schedule and prepay for road trips around the US to vend jewelry and clothing at music festivals and special events. For years the business went well but in the end earnings could be dangerously low, such that it could be difficult to restock with fresh inventory or prepay for the best upcoming events. In my dreams I’ve neglected to schedule and pay for or can’t afford to or can’t find good venues. Or I just came back from a tour and sales were desperate, putting future touring at risk. Yesterday morning on top of that my motorcycle was stolen, and I came back to see that my Buddhist community had disbanded. I saw an empty carnival tent with a dirt floor, and when I asked two remanining Buddhist community members where everybody relocated to, they answered that everyone would be back later that night. It was April first, and they thought it a funny April fools joke to tool me about where everybody went, and didn’t care enough about me to let me into the inside of the inside joke. In the dream I was in debt and lost my business and transportation and friends and was surrounded by literal desolation.

The night before I’d been with a long time lover, and had been drinking. Dates with her don’t go well when I drink, because alcohol is like a truth serum to me, and she has some strong narcissistic traits. If you are familiar with the cluster b personality disorders, you’ll know it means that she her brain neurons are not capable of firing in a pattern which leads to thoughts that put her at any blame. This leads to tremendous communication frustration, because she can never admit to any wrongdoing, and so you can never communicate why you are unhappy with her. Only this time I wasn’t frustrated. I know her, and I know what to expect. I’m not crazy enough to expect her to change. BPD people are literally crazy making, and can be not only frustrating, but dangerous. Shrink4men is a good resource to learn more about cluster B people, and chances are that you have some in your life too.

Life is a lot easier and better if the people in our life are mentally mature.  The personality disorders can be seen of as developmental delays, and most professional psychologists and chiatrists consider them either completely intractable to treatment or barely treatable.  You can treat BPD about as much as you can treat mental retardation, and it amounts to about the same thing; parts of the brain will never work properly.

But we can love dogs and pets.  And so people with mental deficits should be able to be at least as loveable and useful as pets.  It’s very common for girls with Borderline Personality Disorder to be idiot savants; idiots and developmentally underderdeveloped emotionally, yet master manipulators and sexual savants.  They are often sexy as fuck.

And yet the consensus is that despite their gifts and physical charms they are to be avoided.

The cluster b disorders are a spectrum, and you could say that most people are at least a bit sometimes BPD.  Some are a lot BPD most of the time.  My girl is a bit cluster B sometimes, especially under stress.  Cluster B is always a problem; in fact one term for it is “disordered personalities”, and another is “high conflict personalities”.  The thoughts are just jumbled up and don’t make sense, and nothing you or anyone else can do will unjumble and order them.  The conflict is built right into the person, and can’t be avoided without avoiding the person, and even then that can just escalate the conflict.

Some people theorize that you have to be fucked up yourself to magnetize cluster Bs into your life.  I’d rather be more generous about it and see it as a pragmatic trade off.  I let in some fucked up personalities into my life because I can’t yet attract girls who are the combination of 1) young and sexy 2) smart and 3) mentally stable.  I can get one or two out of three, but all three is hard for me, and so I compromise to get at least one girl at all times who arouses strong physical lust.

I’m working the best I can to change that.  I think it’s really important.

And it’s important to be emotionally healthy not just so that I can magnetize debutant quality young models.  Not just so that I can maximize some self improvement project.  I don’t want to externalize onto an outside world all my own demons.  Do I really need to kill and control much of humanity to be content in the world?  Or do I have some things I could do inside myself first that are important to address, before I become a Bond villain.

Instead of indulging in my anxiety driven fantasies, lately I’ve been meditating on the root of them, and having insights during twilight sleep.  Some of my problems are:

  1. A feeling of being disconnected.  I crave companionship with people that I understand and who can understand me.  High level comraderie.  Not just stupid people talking at and past each other, but real connection.
  2. I’m not in love and crave that communion that comes from mutual love.  I find that to be a source of belonging and ease and peace.
  3. Financial stress is frog boiling me.  There are no outward signs of lack of money, but the financial stress Geiger counter is clicking away in the background.
  4. I’m disconnected from my own emotions.  I let anxiety and social isolation rip me apart, instead of feeling into and connecting up with myself.  One way the disconnection shows up is in being arrogant and projecting out onto other people faults that are also in myself.

I’ve been feeling much better since these insights started to form.  I’m trying to make it a habit to do body centered meditations that make me feel into my heart more, and setting those chi-kung energetic habits up consciously in the day bleeds over into the night and the morning, and I’m less of an anxiety automaton.

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