Random Xpat Rantings

Contemplative dominance for the modern man

The value of being the center of religious devotion

Posted by xsplat on September 12, 2014

My companion wound up being a dud, and so by afternoon of the next day I sent an sms command to N18. “Get on the next plane to Bali today”

It takes some strong bonds to keep a girl so attentive, when she knows you are not monogamous.


Many people, men included, can’t seem to wrap their minds around why on earth a man would date a teenager 30 years younger than himself. Especially a genuine ditz.

The reason they can’t wrap their heads around it is because for such people the ability to share a detailed narrative history and have flashy reparte is part and parcel of the bonds of love, and even passion, they have for each other.

But there are also types of love and passion that have not much to do with what anyone says or even thinks. An 18 year old is capable of extreme crushes, and can be brought into a religious reverie of constant devotion towards her man. Especially if she’s given regular doses of intense sex. Intense physically, erotically, emotionally, violently, romantically, exhibitionously, and any other ly. Just intense experience in which it feels as if you share the same emotional and physical worlds. Strong bonds are formed even without words.


As we are relatively free to create any state of mind, with chi-kung we are also relatively free to create any state of energetic body. You can choose to feel love in your heart. And why not. In fact you can choose to feel strong love, and decide to map that emotion onto a visualized-created feeling of waves of warm emotion pouring out of your heart, like a sun.

Now if you do take the time to feel into that kinesthetic visualization – and it might take 30 minutes to relax and focus your mind enough to strongly feel it – then you’ll discover that this subjective sensation has social impact. You can share this love with people. And they can feel it. It helps to actually believe this in a metaphysical sense – that love is some force we can share, but it’s not necessary to have that belief. We are extremely sensitive, mostly subconsciously, to extremely subtle body and facial language cues. Feeling a forceful all encompassing love will affect how your girl reacts to you.

Buddhists have practices they do to generate strong “bodhicitta” (an untranslatable term but some have tried “compassion” for it). And it’s not a waste of time. Not only does it just feel good, but it can have positive social benefits for individuals; they can get a sort of social advantage. When people feel loved they can respond very positively to you.


My girl sucks my cock with frenzied devotion. And she rubs sunscreen on me with such devotion that the process has become a twenty minute ritual for before we go out. Even in her pussy, during the hardest thrusts, her vaginal wall contracts and presses against my cock for maximum pressure with total open devotion. I am the center of her world, and when we are together you will see her spend all her attention on trying to make me happy. I don’t dole out love constantly, but she relishes each burst of it, and patiently waits around for the next dose.

Just that devotion is a value. This is not just a matter of blow jobs on command. This is loving devoted passionate blow jobs.

That’s why an older man would date an 18 year old. Because they make excellent devoted sex slaves.

Posted in Dating Asians, Gender relations, Happiness, Meditation, Sex Chikung & Kundalini | 5 Comments »

Here Is Your Opportunity To Be Great (Guest Post by Aaron Sollesse)

Posted by xsplat on August 26, 2014

“The ladder of success is best climbed by stepping on the rungs of opportunity.” – Ayn Rand

In July I was in London living the same humdrum lifestyle. Same bars, same nights out, same familiar faces. Same stressful clients, same boring workday.

Good game, but poor logistics. Living at home with parents is great for saving money, not so much for your sex life.

Improving myself like any smart man should be, but still feeling held back from my true potential.

Thanks to Danger and Play tweeting a recent post by Xsplat however, that’s changed. In that post was an opportunity to be great – he had just lost a previous business partner and was looking to expand his team.

In the past I’d been a regular reader of Xsplat’s blog and I always thought X was an interesting character. He showed a rare blend of entrepreneurial pragmatism and Zen spirituality in his posts that I’ve yet to see elsewhere.

For that reason I seized the chance to give value and learn from an successful serial entrepreneur. We messaged back and forth for a while about his needs, businesses and my skills, until we realised the next step was just to meet to see if we clicked.

I thought to myself: I have nothing to lose and everything to gain, why not?

Our Meeting

IMG_2935So I flew out within a few days to meet him. M, one of his hot girlfriends met me at the airport and took me to his 4-story home. When I arrived X greeted me warmly and gave me the grand tour of all the rooms, workstations and business assets.

His place is a true bachelor pad – a place where your creativity can bloom, but also somewhere enticing for curious young ladies to check out. The latter was also aided by the fact that he owns a friendly and excitable Siberian Husky.

It was in a great location too – tasty food vendors, cafes, restaurants, supermarkets, a bank, gym, massage parlour and swimming pool all within two minutes walk. And getting to the mall or any club or bar costs only 1 via taxi.

There I also briefly met the previous intern Cody, whom I also felt a sense of instant camaraderie with. It is a shame we didn’t get to spend more time together, but I’m sure our paths will cross again soon.

The impression I got of X himself was almost exactly like what’d you gather from his posts. He’s ambitious, knows what he wants and gets it too.

He was very hospitable and made the trip unforgettable when we took a 5 day break to Bali.
We surfed, parasailed, jet skied, went clubbing and had a blast.

Another memorable moment for me was when we were sitting in a bar with a round of cocktails. X pulled out his laptop to fulfil orders and mentioned that just the ones received today had paid for the entire trip.

All these moments made me realise that this truly was an opportunity to be great. X has everything the manosphere aspires to and his sights are set on achieving much more, so with that I’ve decided to partner up with him.

Your Opportunity To Be Great

The plans have shifted but Project Pussy is already well on it’s way. I won’t spoil the details here but it has become far more grandiose; I’d say it has more in common with ‘world design’ than mere ‘lifestyle design’.

Live events, online communities, international offices and a pipeline of top-grade females are amongst the many plans being put into action. Creating real value, not selling hope.

And this is only possible when you’re in an environment where there are no obstacles in your way. Unlike at a 9-5 job, here you have resources, security and expert guidance at your disposal.

Only when your entire hierarchy of needs is being fulfilled including your needs for food, shelter, relationships and respect, can you then focus on the highest level: self-actualisation.

This means your creative problem-solving can explode in a place like this. But first you have to go all in and face your fear. Say no to self-sabotage and take the leap to better yourself.

We’re looking for more courageous guys to team up with. If you can be put in a fun environment where all your needs are taken care of and you can make things happen, you’ll fit right in.

Not everyone can though, as some people can only work with their back against the wall. They’re more motivated by avoiding negative situations than moving towards becoming their Best Selves.

If that’s you, you won’t fit in here. You’ll choose a life of mediocrity by putting in the bare minimum effort since life here is already comfortable. We instead want someone who sees this as an opportunity to be great, wants to become their Best Selves and deliver life-changing value.

In terms of expertise, we have roles for individuals with various skill sets but we’re especially looking for those with experience at being a project manager or editor right now. Either way we’d love for you to contact us via the Contact page.

One prospective intern is already planning to visit over New Years, where we will show him our new villa in Bali and discuss world domination. These are exciting times, and we hope to share them with all of you guys soon.

Posted in Project World Domination | 12 Comments »

How rough sex and mate guarding relate

Posted by xsplat on August 9, 2014

Pimp hand.

It’s been said that you can’t negotiate attraction, and if I’m reading Rollo correctly, he implies that mate guarding also can’t be explicit. One is meant to just get it and be the best option and cause dread and maintain sexual tension, thereby the woman will behave.

But that strategy is not usually optimal.

Mate guarding can be just another display of dominance. And just another facet of paternal love.

Society as a whole remains agnostic as to the value of judiciously spanking recalcitrant children. We remain agnostic because at a fundamental level we realize that the parents have the right to choose. Their children are THEIR children. They literally belong to them.

Much of sexual love is an add on and re-working of mammalian Daddy/daughter love, and also mother/son love. Men who want to retain sexual tension in the long term must keep the relationship as Daddy/daughter.

You have a right to punish, if she accepts that you have the right to punish.

1) Laying ownership claims is brute force sexy. Women at a fundamental level understand that while they will always struggle to be a free agent, that when properly owned she can be an entirely different kind of person. A deeply sexually charged, constantly submissive and sexually engaged, better woman. A woman with direction.

2) Even though fancy boys may turn on your attention whore, and even though she is prone to temptation, just the very fact that you lay down the law is a big button – it can in the end work better than a pretty face.

3) Children and women need boundaries. They will test and act out to the limit of those boundaries. Some children respond well to a gentle word. Some wind up in juvie despite every best effort. Some pimps and parents reward and discipline purely psychologically, while others get physical. Some children learn and behave well under gentle conditions of subtle hints and direction, others have stubborn negative habits that require more forceful re-direction.

A woman who is owned is a very different creature from one who considers herself a strong independent woman.

An owned woman will give you her all, just for the opportunity to remain owned.

It is an error to think that if the man is in such a weak position that he must mate guard, that he has already lost. It is simply part of the job description of being a man. If you do your job properly, sooner or later you must discipline your daughter. That is not a position of weakness, it’s a position of authority.

I’m in Bali now with N18, a 32 year old ex who I met when she was 23 who is now a long term companion/worker, and a potential new intern/partner. We were out clubbing and N18 started to get jealous of the attention that the older woman was getting. We share an easy sympatico, naturally. So she started to act out a bit and attention whore on the stage and the dance floor. I’d had a lot to drink, and so by the time we got home my emotions were unrestrained. I called her out on her behaviour, and was not gentle. As usual I was awoken with blowjobs and the day was filled with constant attentive behavior. Plus. This is not a reaction out of fear, it is a pure bonding reaction.

You don’t own it if you don’t claim it.

Posted in Uncategorized | 24 Comments »

How to negotiate desire with a woman.

Posted by xsplat on July 28, 2014

Women process information differently, so a man can not be direct.

You can’t tell a woman “I need you to be supportive now so that I can be at my best to win over these clients.” Because her emotional processing will tell her that she has hand over you, and as soon as she has hand she loses primal motivation to suck up to you.

You have to make it seem like it was her idea.

You tell her the same message, but in the same way women communicate messages to each other.


You let her know that you are about to close a new business deal. Imply at first that you won’t have time for her while you do this. Let the room feel your vibe that you know that your improved status is going to put you into improved social situations.

Just as she’s feeling the dread that you are not going to need her anymore, cut her in. Assume her support, as if it’s an afterthought.

“You are going to have to pick him up at the airport.”

You’ve just communicated the exact same message, but in a way that moves emotions rhetorically.

Persuasion requires understanding the mind of the listener. It will change for every person you talk to. Sometimes you use the hard sell, sometimes you tersely tell the facts, some times you don’t sell at all, and all do is casually converse.

Women have different minds than men do, and so persuasion with women requires building years of interaction in order to build up useful theories of mind. You can’t just tell them what you want.

But it is a negotiation.

If you force a smile, you force an improved mood. If you put a woman into a red party dress and have her hold your elbow, you change her attitude towards you.

It IS a negotiation.

It’s just a set of rules that are not innately known to men.

Women operate at an initial relationship advantage, if they are hot. A hottie virgin can tool an old man, purely out of instinct. But once you learn the language, you get the advantage. Because you can apply male intellect to the game.

You have to negotiate your position such that she wants what you are selling, and thinks it’s in her best interest to buy it.

And limiting her options is also a very useful sales tactic. Tactics for that are broad, and very rarely discussed, outside of talking about social conservative rules of appropriate upright conduct. I think it’s more effective to realistically limit her options, not to pretend that some fantasy “society” exists that can limit them, if only you could inform “society” of how important it was to do so.

If you are a woman’s best option, her emotions will follow. That is a negotiation. I’m not talking about a narcissistic false front of appearance, and I’m not only talking about spinning facts into a believable slanted narrative. It’s every possible move you can make; going to the gym, conversation and sexual skills, constraining her flirting, push and pull, selling a real dream of giving her a financial future, keeping her addicted emotionally on every level you can, and whatever other tricks you have and can learn.

Sometimes you can even spell it out, and explain exactly what you are doing, and explain why other men don’t get her hot. Pulling back the curtain won’t stop the magic.

But it’s still a negotiation, and fundamentally you are in sales. You work on your product, your presentation, and your emotional connection to the buyer.

For women, that connection requires that she looks up to you, and that any neediness shown is doled out in careful calculated doses; just enough to assuage her need for security.

Posted in Uncategorized | 5 Comments »

How the fighting spirit makes a routine out of turning loss into gain

Posted by xsplat on July 20, 2014

It’s not only necessity that mothers invention. It’s also loss.

Emotions are tricky to work through. You need to acknowledge them and that leads to some down time. But it’s not only that you can’t keep a good man down. It’s that the challenges make the man. Literally.

Challenges create opportunities.

It’s the defeats and the losses and the setbacks that directly lead to the biggest long term wins. I’m not trying to talk in metaphors or inspirations. That’s how the world actually works.

I’m going through some relationship restructuring with one of my girls. Her figure compels me to fuck her and maintain her attraction for me, by all means necessary. I’ve developed some skills, so she remains addicted, and views me still as the strongest interest. For now. But it will fall apart.

Because of a cultivated fighting spirit and constantly seeking to realistically better my position, I have developed skillfull, insightful, outside the box ways to do better.

In fact my plan is to impregnate five super hot model teenage girls of my exact body preferences. And have them all be very smart. And in love with me.

I found out today that my number one main man apprentice, adopted son, best friend and business partner will be moving on to apprentice with another charismatic and wise mentor. It’s a serious and heartbreaking loss. Of course I’ll miss the guy. People are not fungible; a steak sandwich can’t replace poached salmon. An apple can’t replace an orange. There is only one of him, and that one won’t be replaced.

But because he was so valuable, there is a noticed need. And because now I am stronger and wiser and more adept and have better connections, I’m in a better place to fill the broad need.

Partly because of my number one, the income here has increased. I’ve also been working on my own projects. If I were to count chickens from eggs (and I’ve been wrong every time I’ve done that), I would count that within two months income will increase by at least 50k per month. And I have a realistic goal of making 1/2 million per month within a year, if not within six months.

So instead of cutting in interns at the ground floor, this will open up other options of enticing the best and the brightest using traditional means of mere salary. I’m going to pay locals a very good rate, and will even look to recruit the best and the brightest westerners. Using dollar figures, instead of a piece of the future.

I’m not going to detail my plans for getting the teen-up-to-21 agers in love and impregnated. But I’m not only confident I can do it, I KNOW I can do it. The hottest and smartest and most capable mothers and companions. Just getting one for an old ugly man most would consider impossible. I know how I’m going to get five. And in the process of getting them I might fuck dozens or scores.

It’s the loss that leads to this. Comfort is great, but it doesn’t drive you.

Loss is a really good friend.

Posted in Uncategorized | 15 Comments »

I’m not obligated to love you.

Posted by xsplat on July 14, 2014

I’ve fallen into the trap before of spending time with women out of obligation. Taking care of their emotional security needs out of obligation.

I don’t do that any more. Because I don’t have to.

An abundance mentality is only a catch22 if you are trying to feel and believe something that does not exist in order to have an effect. Step one then step two. Step one, maximize your position and have genuine options; have other girls and be able to develop a new pipeline. Step one might take decades of personal and business work and moving around the globe, or it might be a matter of a few small changes.

I don’t do mentalities. I don’t create and re-create narratives in my head in order to maximize my mood. I do reality. I create realities in order to maximize my position.

Men and women change their strategies according to their options. When you REALLY have options, it’s not about mentality. It’s about making choices.

And I don’t want to make the poor choices I used to, of being with women out of obligation to “the relationship”.

After a poor date with my N18 I found myself greatly irritated and snapped out these offline messages to her as she was walking back home:


It seems you can’t get over the fact that I don’t want to live with you.

Ya, you should probably one way or another adjust.

Because I’m not going to love you more just because you want me to. I will only spend time with you if I WANT to.

Not because I lived with other girls in the past.

You don’t get to spend time with me because “now it’s your turn”.

I have to actually WANT to be with you. That’s all. That’s it. Finished and end of story.

If we aren’t spending more time with each other it’s because I don’t want to.

You can’t make me want to be with you more by crying or begging or making a fuss every time I leave your apartment or ask you to go home.

Frankly a LOT of the time you are a very annoying girl.


If you were less annoying I’d WANT to be with you more.

It’s pretty simple.

I’ve tried 1000 times over and over to correct your annoying behaviour, but you don’t learn fast or try hard.

I STILL have to repeat myself many times to say anything at all to you.

You STILL mumble all the time, and I can’t hear what you are saying. That’s really annoying.

Basically it’s impossible to talk to you at all.

And you don’t act like a faithful number one, but you still want all the privileges of one. As if I owed it to you.

The only way I’ll WANT to spend time with you, is if I enjoy it.

That’s IT. Not because YOU want it.

And a lot of the time, a really big percentage of the time, you are not enjoyable to be around.

Very negative.


Always lying.

Bad temper.

Talking in a rude voice.

And just in so many ways really a very annoying human being.

If I ever loved some other girl more or treated some other girls differently you should ask yourself why.

And look to yourself.

And don’t just expect the same treatment for different behaviour.

50% of humans have a vagina.

Yours is not made of gold, and won’t automatically make me live with you.

You don’t even come at all.

Your blowjobs are great, but come on. You don’t even come.

And I’m not sure I’ve ever seen you let go into experiencing strong bliss.

So I think I give you plenty of time and attention, considering. And I”ve given you the best opportunity for a future I know how to give you.

If you are waiting to marry me then you should adjust your expectations.

It’s not going to happen.

I’ve been irritable all morning just thinking about the relationship.

I see the writings of many men who feel unlovable. On therationalmale an ugly commenter explains how ugly people have no hope with attractive women. It’s not only his personal experience, but he makes some sound arguments why it’s out of his control.

And N18 does the same bullshit about her personality. She says it’s out of her control and all the fault of her parents and circumstance.

Being loveable is a skill.

People with little experience of being loved want and perhaps even NEED to downplay that fact.

Being loveable is a skill.

Nobody deserves love. We are not newborn babies and I’m not some mothers nipple. We earn it, through our actions.

By adding value. By being happy and sharing happiness. By feeling content and sharing contentedness. By adding value in every possible way that our lover can appreciate.

You can’t ask someone to love you. You can’t expect someone to love you.

If he enjoys being around you and if you make him happy, the emotions will follow.

Guys have the same issue. People walk around with negativity as their default mode of being. They are not happy people. They are not finding girls who love them, because…

They are not loveable people!

Being loveable is a skill. It might take years to learn it. It might take enormous personal and business and location development. You don’t deserve it, and it IS under your control.

I’ve noticed before that when I spend a lot of time mulling angrily over some girls behaviour it’s mostly my fault. For not being with a better girl. And this morning I’m really irritated and cranky.

Obviously N18 isn’t all bad or I wouldn’t keep seeing her. But people get put into the place that they earned. Nobody gets to assume a monogamous relationship as the #1 girl, anymore than a mail clerk gets to assume he should be CEO.

Whatever love you are getting right now? That’s what you’ve earned. Don’t blame the bitches. Look in the mirror.

Posted in Uncategorized | 15 Comments »

Life is not a hedonic treadmill, it is a strategic war for fullfillment, happiness, bliss and contentment.

Posted by xsplat on July 9, 2014

the judge said: There are times when I feel nostalgic for a life I never lived but wanted to where I fell in love and had the high school love that frankly was impossible for my high school self and want to make the decision to attach myself to someone and affect that persons life for the sake of it but then I read testimonials like this.

This all seems..exhausting.


There are four basic categories of ways to increase happiness and avoid suffering

1) influence and change external situations
2) mind training
3) pharmaceuticals, supplements, diet and hormones
4) fitness

Within the category of mind training is a sub-category of philosophy, which includes internal narratives.

Your narrative seems to be that high reward is not worth high risk.

For the last several years I’ve been mostly pretty happy. Happy enough that it seemed noteworthy to me, and I’ve been trying to systematize how to create and maintain this happiness. For me a lot of this happiness involves relationships and sex and money. And chi-kung.

My narrative tells me that it’s not enough to just lower expectations and accept things as they are. That would be working solely on mind-training. That had not worked by itself for me – the external situations are hugely influential, no matter how much our philosophies tell us that they SHOULD not be.

Philosophy is useless in the dentist chair.

The external situations have huge effects.

I find that when things are well set up, I am learning and growing and enjoying and can not only be warm and content but have times of bliss and even extreme bliss.

But I can’t have that without risk.

The rewards that I’ve been personally experiencing are profoundly important to me.

I’m getting back on track to that bliss and wellbeing even now.

The down and difficult times are simply part of the process.

Buddhists have a conceptions of “samsara”, which is the fact that situations are interdependent and cause and effect is constantly causing flux and changes. Since happiness IS relative to external situations, happiness within “samsara” changes. The Buddhist “solution” to this is to try to detach from being affected by external situations through mind training.

It doesn’t work. Mind training is so helpful that I consider it essential to the good life, however as a philosophy of happiness it doesn’t work.

You need the externals. For me I need love in my life, to be at my best. That’s a fact.

Being happy is a strategic war. It’s not a series of battles, it’s a full out strategic war. You must plan, craft, put in the work, and win. Happiness is largely due to circumstance, and affecting circumstance is a life long strategic process.

As is mind and body training.

When people talk of the “hedonic treadmill”, mostly they are just making excuses for not wanting to try hard.

The concept of a hedonic treadmill is one of those dangerous partial truths. It’s just accurate enough to be dangerously wrong. The wider territory is that we can HUGELY affect our own happiness, and that happiness can grow and grow over time, with mind training and circumstance improvement. You can deliberately create and maintain not only an ongoing feeling of contentment, but even move into times of great happiness and bliss, and even extreme blisses.

That is not done on the couch thinking about “is it worth it?”

It’s done through Pavlovian training, one small step at a time. Giving yourself rewards and learning to feel and amplify those rewards for behaviors that you have chosen to use to win your war. Feel the happiness for the dollar earned. Feel the contentment for love you generate. Feel the pride for the music you make. And so on.

Rather than deaden these feelings so as to never feel loss, you feel them, and accept that samsara is the game. Use samsara. Use the fact of interdependent cause and effect to your advantage. Don’t detach from life. Evolution gave your fore-bearers attachments just so that you could have the opportunity to use them. Pleasure and suffering are foundational tools without which we could not win. Use your attachments as tools to win the war.

Life without love is losing at life.

To win any war you have to plan for the losses. You can’t avoid battles in order win. Heartbreak in life is a sign that you are out there fighting properly.

Posted in Uncategorized | 10 Comments »

Why I’m heartbroken for a girl I don’t like

Posted by xsplat on July 6, 2014

Assortative mating is a bitch, because emotions.

My dad keeps telling me that I should date smarter women. For the last few years I’ve had a young big tittied hottie underneath and riding on top. I feel both love and gratitude to be with such a hot girl – as if she’s several points above my pay grade. Her curves and face have an effect on people. A surfer dude at a club was instantly smitten, and clutched his chest in crestfallen heartbreak when he found out she was with me. Then he enthusiastically congratulated me. I had that girl locked down for years. She was crazy in love with me.

But she’s dumb.

Things took several turn and twists for the worse between us after I moved a tight teenager into an apartment and kept her as a 2nd. In our hot tempers we did everything we could to get what we wanted; she wanted monogamy and I wanted a 2nd. I screamed at her to please get out of my life and she threatened me.

But by now we had formed some deep pair bonds, and we couldn’t quit each other.

The mental maps for seduction and relationships that most red-pill guys have are vastly insufficient. So many guys keep spouting off about how “attraction” is about some R selected aloof bad boy game. Oh, man, people could not be more deficient in their conception of sexual selection. Attraction is ALSO composed of so much more; the mating game includes powerful pair bonds, and right from the start seduction can incorporate developing those bonds.

Creating and sustaining those bonds is quite a skill, and the strength of them is blown off by people. Why? Because they have no experience? Because when those bonds break it’s painful and girls turn on men with vicious cruelty and steal everything that we have?

I’ve had many periods of my life when I had extreme heartbreak. Recently I’ve been going through some bouts of bad pain, and I can’t even count the number of times in my long past where I sobbed uncontrollably. Sometimes right in front of the women I was in love with.

And I’ve had girls sob uncontrollably in front of me, more times than I’ll ever be able to remember.

Once upon a time I was in love with a genius 10. Six weeks after we met she flew away to meet her fiance, and at the airport we both sobbed uncontrollably. We both sobbed for days and weeks after that.

The bonds that people can create can be deep beyond any reason.

A lot of guys honestly believe that the-red-pill of game knowledge is about being free from putting oneself into such vulnerable positions. Heartbreak is for beta losers and women don’t get attracted to vulnerable men.

It’s not that most manosphere thinking is wrong, it’s that it is partial. A partially correct idea is the most dangerous. I would like to shine some light to show more territory.

If you can’t feel the pain of heartbreak, you can’t feel the joys of bonding, and if you can’t love you can’t be loved. In order to get an attractive girl to fall and remain fallen in love with you, you MUST be vulnerable. That’s how bonding works.

Now you can control it, to a degree. You play push pull and front and manipulate your image and never show too much underbelly. But it’s still choice-less that to be loved you have to love, and being vulnerable is an inseparable part of that process. Genuinely vulnerable to some uncontrollable serious pain.

I’ve had times lately when I take all drugs and alcohol I can get my hands on, just to get some relief from the pain. Tramadol. Ghb. Beer. My girl of nearly 4 years has been dating around and I can’t get her to stop. The thought crossed my mind while I was in N18 today and it made me limp. I stopped and walked out of the apartment.

And yet I don’t even like M25.

These bonds we can create surprise even ourselves.

And M25 and I still can’t quit each other. All the pain goes away and I feel good again when I’m with her. After fucking her I feel like the king of the world again. I appreciate my banana head N18 more. I can approach new girls with greater joy and confidence. I’m myself again; a full, rich man.

I’m even thinking of making that stupid girl pregnant.


And yet I know I invest too much time with these girls. Therefore I’ve been building up an entire lifestyle that is meant to funnel smarter and higher status model quality girls into my life and the lives of my team members. My main man met a super bright highly sexual girl and it’s the perfect inspiration. That’s what I’ve had, that’s what I know is attainable, and that’s what I want. I love hearing them scream and moan for hours on end. Inspires me to go out and approach.

And I’ve been going out several days a week. At first I’d go out with N18 and she’d do all the talking. Then I’d run ahead and talk to girls alone. And lately I go out alone and hand out cards and explain about my modelling agency front-business to the best girls I can find.

It crossed my mind to call up 10 and invite her to get pregnant. I’m nearly 50 and it’s about time I got started on that next big project. Assortative mating is a bitch. We fall emotionally for what we think is the best we hope to get.

My Dad was a sucker for tits, ass, and a pretty face. My Mom was a hottie, and so was her sister, in their day. And my mom wasn’t too bright. Dad had three boys, and I was the only one that got his brains.

And I’m just like him. I’m the same sucker.

And just like him I’d prefer to get the hottie with the brains.

That’s an incredible challenge.

Posted in Uncategorized | 12 Comments »

Why Johnny Depp is charismatic

Posted by xsplat on June 30, 2014

It’s not his upper lip, with that huge cupids bow.

Straight males explain their orientation, but make an exception for Depp.

The Pareto Principle explicates that we can’t know what we don’t know. It’s above our pay grade to know certain state secrets. We are too ignorant and stupid to know what it is about each of Depps characters that is still so magnetizing and hypnotic.

Tonight I’m all dressed up. I’ve got my best shoes. The good pants. My body and my hormones are all lined up. I’ve stayed away from the banana head for a few day to up the sexual frustration.

But I’m still at home, looking in the mirror.

I think that’s the beginning of how Depp began his learning process.

A few years ago I took up the piano. I just left it to play; boys learn by play. Just play around, and the natural feedback mechanism will adjust the outcomes. I’ve learned a lot through play, and that continues every day. I get instant feedback. I can hear it.

The mirror.

The mirror tells me surprising things, as the piano. There is a surprising amount of influence over my own internal state, and it’s a surprise how even I’m influenced by the mirror. I change, I see, and then I change.

The fluidity and control, can be, through a feedback loop, increased.

Depp is a dazzling exmample of learned charisma. Genius, talent. And learning.

I’ve got some tapped and apparently plenty of untapped genius. Wiring can wire up. It’s a matter of using Pavlovs principles to movitave, and feedback.

I hit someone, years ago. I used the left hand in a cross jab to the chin, and the left followed up with more. It happened so fast.

My left eye connects to the part of my brain that gives me visions when I sleep. There is amazing magic there.

A stroke deprived my retinal neurons of oxygen long enough to cause temporary blindness, and the left eye never recovered. But the hemispheres connect well enough that my left eye can use the right. Have you heard of Mesmer? It’s remarkable what an eye can do. My left face is as amazing as my dreams.

I think people learn things. These talents, even the greatest talents. We can approach them.

I won’t rival Bach. I won’t rival Depp. But I can start to approach them.

Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments »

How much does it cost to sponsor a SEA beauty?

Posted by xsplat on June 25, 2014

Jim Jones said: What does sponsorship cost in Indonesia where you live? I’ve heard it cost $1000 a month to maintain a good looking girl in Thailand now. I look at it like marriage but not being married.

The sexual bargain is haggled out individually. In my late thirties in Thailand I only paid for dinner and drinks for my multiple girlfriends. Now if I have a live in I also give a very small monthly allowance, on top of paying all expenses such as clothing, and I actually prefer to financially support, feed, and house other girls I’m dating.

An allowance is often an expectation, and a girl likes to brag about how much she is worth. I thought badly of the whole process and refused it for the longest time.

But every sexual bargain is that – girls make their subconscious calculations.

You know how they say that if you have oneitis you need to find and fuck 20 other girls? Because if we perceive options, our emotions will follow suit and we won’t be so bonded.

That is what emotions are for and what they do. They are the felt outputs of subconscious calculations.

If you are in important ways a girls best option, you’ll receive emotional outputs for that. I realize many will have a unique and incredible insight that money alone is a chumps game and won’t buy love, and to those geniuses I’ll point out that a propeller alone won’t make an airplane fly. Money is an important component of a sexual bargain – you don’t have to have it, but what you do have affects what you are and what you can offer. And therefore what you can receive, and from who.

The bonding emotions merely overlap with fling emotions; there are different valuable rewards for the different types of relationships. However those most skilled with LTRs should be able to mix up both and have high intensity kinky fun as well as lots of hugely addictive oxytocin and warm bonding with their bottom-bitch-love-slave. I suspect guys who are not in love and don’t miss it are simply unaware of what they are not missing.

Anything worthwhile will have different worths and costs. We can plan for genuine heartbreak and pain and stress and constant positioning, but a skilled relationship/life tactician will also be well rewarded in ways other men may not even have the reference points to imagine. Divorced men often assume they know all about the rewards and faults of LTRs. And divorced men will have learned much.

But relationships are like music. You don’t just learn music.

People say, “Oh, I swallowed the red pill, and now I know game”. Nobody did that. That’s like saying, “Oh, I studied music and now I know music.” Nobody knows music. Music is endless, within finity. What you can do with relationships is like music. Nobody just knows music – each composition can be quite different than another, and each will depend upon inward and outward circumstances.

A person can become a better musician. But a person can never know music. Just like game or LTR game. You never know it, and you are always learning it – and it’s always surprising and revealing.

So the salary depends on how valuable you are in other areas, as well as what you can afford. I paid less than $200/month to my M when living together. I pay various expenses for N18 now, including her apartment and anything else she needs.

I think people vastly over estimate the long term staying powers of what it is the young bring to the sexual bargain.

Strategically we must plan. And planning is for the future. And in all our futures we are old.

Old men need more money for their sexual bargains.

More money means more sexual bargaining power – and that translates to more testosterone, higher libido, more confidence, more options, and on and on. Money is a big part of a mans sexual currency in his old age.

I know younger guys will not only be unable to hear this, but will scoff. Scoff away. We all get old. Better to be old and rich. And well connected and powerful.

That’s a HUGE component of long term game.

And that’s what life is. A long term game.

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments »

How to maintain loving passionate Multiple-LTRs.

Posted by xsplat on June 4, 2014

I’m faithful to all my girls.

I won’t leave one for the other. I fuck them enough, spend enough quality time with them, and take care of their physical and financial needs. They know that as long as we are happy together that they have a future with me. That’s this man’s version of faithful.

I demand faithfulness in return. Females get pregnant and tend more towards emotional serial monogamy, and so female faithfulness means no other cock.

I’m not a playboy. I don’t philander and I don’t pump and dump. I have serious, passionate, interdependent soul and life entwining love relationships with all of my women.

But being able to do so is very similar to being able to be a writer. Or being able to be an entrepreneur. Or from what I’m told it could be similar to being able to be a balet dancer, or a comedian. You don’t do it because you want to do it. You do it because you have no other choice.

In order to get good at something difficult, something has to keep bringing you through the impossibly difficult times. Something has to drive you again and again through tensions and irritations. It has to be worth it.

For most people having more than one love interest would never be realistically worth it. So they would never gain the level of experience that is required to pull it off.

Sure, if an aspiring comedian could push a button and gain the comedy skills of a Steve Martin, he’d push it and enjoy being a comedian. But if he had to actually go through the arduous and uncertain years and decades to gain that skill and fruition? No. Nobody would do that. Nearly nobody would find it worth it.

You have to have no choice.

Writing is like that. You write because you have no other choice. Your brain is simply wired up to give you certain types of rewards for certain behaviours. You like to systematize thoughts and gain a pleasure in some polemic, whereas others prefer light chit chat and comforting ideas such as the belief that size doesn’t matter. People veer towards agreeableness and group-mind-delusion, or towards truth seeking and independence. Writers write alone, and gain a type of pleasure that haters label as “pseudo-intellectual”. The intellectual life is a stimulation that is pleasing, and the writing is mind sport. Invigorating like a well played tennis match.

And so it is with maintaining the passionate love of more than one woman, long term. If your brain is wired to give you the rewards for both love and non-monogamy, you will have a drive that most don’t and this can force you towards a skill that most never think to even contemplate.

I’ve been seeing both of my current girls for about 9 months now, fucking each from one to five times a day, most days. M25 has been with me for 3.6 years, with an early 4 months of that while I lived with another girl, and about 2.5 living together full time. N18 has been my doting bitch since we met 9 months ago. The passion with both of them is screamingly off the charts; peak experiences every day, after day, and a love bubble the rest of the time. I’m rarely alone, and why would I be.

Girls will do absolutely everything in their power to make a man monogamous. And they will never stop. Ever. Non-monogamy with any level of sexual and romantic intensity is unstable. You will get vicious threats. You will see girl fights. Every possible thing a girl can do to regain monogamy she will do. To maintain stability in such a situation a man needs to be more than just psychologically experienced. It helps to have hand in all areas.

Generally we are all specialists. Some men specialize in the one night stand, and don’t offer much emotionally other than thrills. Others are comfort and security and stability experts. I specialize in both areas – dopamine and oxytocin. I can give a woman ongoing high quality sexual heat and top notch sex, and make her feel like she is constantly in the midst of a passionate romance. And I can make her feel like she is part of a family that cares for her that she wants to care for; even if it’s just our family of the two of us, she belongs and we are the tribe. Lately I’m able to offer inclusion into a bigger tribe. And yet still I’m a specialist. My speciality is passion. I know how to quickly develop strong passion with a girl, and I know how to maintain and grow it day by day. Week by month and year after year. This is a very rare skill, and if you say that you want to have this skill, do you?

Do you want to be an entrepreneur?

Do you want to be a writer?

Do you want to be a comedian?

Do you want to be a master guitar player?

Do you want to put in your 10,000 hours?

Unfortunately, I don’t think it is a matter of want.

MUST you put in your 10,000 hours? Do you have no other choice in life?

If you want to grow a compulsion, pay attention to the rewards you feel.

I deliberately focus on feeling the rewards of love. Often. And sex. These rewards are crucial to me, and so I keep the top spinning.

These compulsions are a deliberate choice. Sex, chi-kung, entrepreneurship, raising my value in every possible way, building a joyful and rich community, even thinking and writing – all of these are a deliberate system to raise overall joy and maintain the best possible momentum of this spinning top. I know exactly what I’m doing and why, and I know how. And I’m old enough to have other histories in my life to give context to my current choice-less choice. I’ve fully explored other important compulsions, such as living as a monk, a meditative hermit, in meditation centers, and a family-man yogi. The current compulsions are carefully chosen, and properly cultivated. I know what I’m doing and why, and I know how to do it.

In order to succeed, you need to have no other choice. But you can choose to have no other choice. By deliberately focusing on the rewards. Not the rewards you hope to get, but each reward you do feel as you get it. You can train yourself the way Pavlov trained his dogs, and feel compelled by the rewards.

Learning to generate and feel love in your heart while alone is an excellent way to appreciate and sensitise to the rewards of interpersonal love. You’ll learn a language of feeling that will make the two of you glow among the zombies. Learning to appreciate beauty will allow your eyes to heat up a woman with your lust until her knees get weak. Learning to let go into finely orchestrated screaming ecstasies will sympatheticaly arouse a girls A game.

The rewards are there, and you can learn that you don’t want to ever again be without them. And why would you?

Posted in How to..., LTR Game | 13 Comments »

Anger is not incontinence

Posted by xsplat on April 26, 2014

When you toilet train a puppy, you have to be cautious not to reprimand the act of defecation. If you do that he’ll consider the act shameful and hide if from you in offerings behind the couch and won’t want to shit in front of you when appropriate outside.

An ex has been a hanger on in my life since we split 6 years ago, and is often a useful ally. But she has intractable and stubborn flaws, that are not amenable to any form of persuasion or coercion, be it tender or violent. She is managing the 6 live in shop-house renovators, and refuses to stop being queen-bee and giving them unapproved projects. Today she went against direct orders to not varnish some cabinets on the exterior, as I prefer a beeswax/oil finish.

Anger is not incontinence. It is nothing to be ashamed of showing in front of others. I loudly reprimanded her, and I have a booming voice that easily fills all four floors, then loudly got her to assemble the full crew and translate to them to never do anything she says unless I’m there. To tell them that I’m the boss, not her. The high gloss varnish is currently being removed.

If you believe that anger is “losing your shit”, then you have been improperly trained. If you maintain this ignorant habit then day by day you are complicit in your own castration.

Conflict avoidance is a serious problem, for a great many men.

Sometimes one-on-one displays of anger won’t correct a problem and public shaming is the only next step.

Improper training of boys in the arts of conflict also leads to instincts that are misaligned with reality. Open anger does not lead to resentment or a fouling of group cohesion. It is the opposite – groups are maintained by effective leadership, and discipline is the dirty job of the leader. The disciplinarian job commands respect, and is given respect due.

We have a new girl here cooking and cleaning. A tight little 20 year old. So there are four girls who regularly cook for me now. I’ve been told that she openly mentioned that she’d date me if she spoke English, even though my ex is here all the time. My position here must be a big influence. My position here is not only about paying the salary. My job description is more than being the ideas man.

You can’t hold this position in this house and be “nice”. Being nice is not nice, because it is not effective.

Chogyam Trungpa once recounted a story to a large audience of how one of his main teachers used to convey anger that could dominate the entire monastery with an imposing ever present vibe. He did not imply this to be some sort of incontinence. He told that story as illustration of effective leadership.

This principle is true in all interpersonal situations. Your emotions are not diarrhoea, to be TONED THE FUCK DOWN. If you are an adult then your bowels are there to be properly and effectively used, without shame. You have them for a reason. Shitting is not losing control – you shit with accuracy and effectiveness.

Anyone who uses the term “losing your shit” when seeing emotional tone or open conflict has been improperly emotionally toilet trained.

Posted in Uncategorized | 16 Comments »

UCB’s insights into girl-speak and intimacy avoidance

Posted by xsplat on April 9, 2014

I was waiting for a reader to chime in with better advice than I was giving to the reader who has been stymied by girls afraid of intimacy with him, and UCB delivered:

Interesting parallel here: A few years ago I was going through almost the exact same thing… I stumbled upon X’s blog, and he became the first anonymous blogger I’ve ever written to with a question.

My experience mirrors Xsplat’s, but I wanted to add some other things for consideration:

One of the most important things you can take away from what X has written here is that you can’t necessarily trust what girls say. These girls are trying to articulate a certain emotion. This is something we all struggle with; even when we’ve experienced those emotions many times before. It’s exceedingly difficult to do when we’re experiencing something that’s new and uncomfortable to us, and what’s worse, it may be impossible for us to dig deep enough to root out the source of that emotion.

So you have to look at what these women are doing: and what they are doing is RESISTING you. Regardless of what they say, this is the only thing that matters. You have to figure out what’s causing that resistance and how to get around it.

Some possibilities:

– It could be that you are simply better than the girls you’re attempting to seduce. They may see you as being “out of their league” and afraid that they won’t be able to keep you around. The easiest ways of combatting this are disqualification (downplaying your positive qualities while elevating hers) and future-projecting (relating to her on qualities you find interesting in her and making future plans based around those qualities)

– It sounds like you could be leaning too far in emotionally before you’ve given a chance for the physical side of the relationship to catch up. You gotta remember that ‘girls just wanna have fun.” Girls don’t generally like being hooked too hard emotionally. They’re afraid of exposing parts of themselves they may not necessarily want exposed and/or losing control of the pace of the relationship. You can get away with this kind of stuff once you’re in a relationship, since that’s the way things are supposed to work according to the traditional relationship model. But many girls feel out of place being too emotionally invested in a guy they’re not having sex with. Tone down the serious emotional vibe and turn up the fun sexy vibe.

– You also have to ask yourself if there is some part of the relationship that YOU are resisting. For example, if you just want sex without the emotional connection or vice versa, girls will pick up on that. If you’re holding back emotionally in some way because of something you’re afraid of exposing to girls, they will pick up on it. Most of the more esoteric activities that seduction “gurus” prescribe (meditation, yoga, journaling, heavy lifting, etc.) are largely about identifying and overcoming this internal resistance.

– Finally, if you’re still in any way involved in the “seduction community” now would be a great time to get out. If you’re consistently getting these types of reactions from the women you interact with, you’re well past the point where 99% of what’s out there would be in any way helpful to you, and a good bit of it would be counter-productive. You’re approaching a sort of no-man’s land where you have to start trusting your intuition more and trying to figure out how to move things forward more quickly on your own. Trusting too heavily in PUA tactics and techniques actually takes you out of the present moment with these girls and creates more of the type of resistance you’re trying to avoid.

UCB brought up what sounds like “beware of habits that take you out of the flow moment”.

Writing also can be a flow moment for some, and I think that’s why for some people writing is not a choice, but a compulsion. Flow moments are puppy treats for the brain – they are rewards for doing it right, and we go back for more.

For me sex is always a flow moment. Music often. Dance often.

On the great BBC documentary “Child of our Times” they experiment with kids to see how many can easily get into flow moments in a set up involving music, and I think it was only something like 1 out of 7. So when I mention that a rant with a certain tone would not be written without that tone, it must be that most people will not share the experience of the flow moment of writing carrying it’s own way. Writing might be similar to letting out a musical piece. You improvise and work with it, but you are in it and FEELING it. You can’t take out the feeling and still be in it. The composition would simply stop. And the emotions in a written rant are there for a reason – some people are harming my impressionable brethren with horrible, sick twisted and evil advice. Emotion is the appropriate response. Emotion IS the response! We are socially conscious and involved people – it is not a flatland of “it’s all good live and let live”. We care about each other, and I care, and damn right emotion is part of the message and compels and drives and is co-created with the message.

Being with girls for me is often an endless stream of flow moments. And UCB is saying that this flow can be disrupted by getting out of the feeling, if I’m hearing him correctly.

I’d agree and would add further notes of caution. Many individuals and groups advocate what seems to me to be to completely lose touch with feelings altogether, and to “pump and dump the bitches”. Which would not lead to any flow moments that I prefer.

You can’t win at life without oxytocin and vagal tone. Buddhism is hugely about discovering and awakening the “precious heart of bodhicitta”, or increasing vagal tone and feeling that delicious well of wellbeing and sweet warmth in the heart. Interacting with women can be a great and practical catalyst to keeping that love in the heart happening and active, and life feeling like it is being well lived. It’s one reason people buy puppies. To increase the love. Because life without love is fail.

From Wikipedia:

Flow is the mental state of operation in which a person performing an activity is fully immersed in a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and enjoyment in the process of the activity. In essence, flow is characterized by complete absorption in what one does. Proposed by Mihály Csíkszentmihályi, this positive psychology concept has been widely referenced across a variety of fields.[1]

According to Csikszentmihalyi, flow is completely focused motivation. It is a single-minded immersion and represents perhaps the ultimate experience in harnessing the emotions in the service of performing and learning.

Posted in Uncategorized | 8 Comments »

Reader asks for advice on girls being afraid of intimacy

Posted by xsplat on April 8, 2014

A reader emails:

I’ve got a bit an issue that I’m hoping you could give me some input on. The subject is something you seem to be very familiar with; women and emotional intimacy.

Basically, girls who become attracted to me also become emotionally afraid of me. The problem isn’t a lack intimacy, but rather the other way around.

A bit about myself:

I know myself. I am unusual in many respects. I consider myself open, honest, and fairly uninhibited, and I’ve been described as such many many times as well, by both men and women.
Just the other day, a female friend said as much, and added that I “can be quite scary like that, because very few are like that to anywhere near the same degree”.

I’m a man of contrasts. I can be raw, crude, and I do have a little bit of a temper, but I am also sensual, playful, and loving.

In poetic terms, I am fire, and I am water. I can heat people up, and burn them if I so desire, but I can just as easily cool them and calm them.
I am also earth and wind; my feet are firmly grounded, but my emotions roam freely if I allow them to do so.

I’m very confident and secure in myself, but I know my shortcomings and weaknesses, and I strive to improve.

I am strong willed, and submission is NOT something I do. The attempts of others to control me invariably fail unless I allow them, such as in work situations.

I’m not afraid of conflict. I’m also not afraid of closeness and intimacy; in fact, I relish it.
I’m also comfortable with revealing my vulnerabilities. Few are the things that I fear in life.

I have an uncanny ability to get people to open up and to tell me their secrets. I don’t even try. It comes naturally. I form connections very easily as well. Today, a girl I’ve known for barely a few weeks, and whom I’ve interacted with for a total of just a few hours, told me she felt as if “we’ve known each other our entire lives”.

The issue:

Many women are attracted to me, both physically and emotionally, but they’re afraid of me, to the degree that very few even dare to show more than polite friendly interest.
Even though many girls want badly to be close with me, they dare not. It’s like they’re preemptively afraid of me leaving them, or that they’re afraid of losing themselves in me. Afraid that things would get too close. I’ve been told things to that effect.

One time in particular, a girl nearly broke down after an intimate moment. She said “I’ve been afraid of you since we met, and now I fear you more than ever”.

I often get insane amounts of last minute resistance. They literally become emotionally distressed, and I’ve been told “I want you so badly but I’m so scared!” several times. One girl in particular, despite my best efforts at calming and comforting her, tensed up so badly that I could barely fit a finger in her. Despite several tries, we never had normal sex. I simply couldn’t fit my penis into her, and it’s not like she was a virgin or had something physically wrong with her vagina.

The ironic thing is that when I do my best to calm girls and comfort them, it seems to make things worse. It’s like they love me while they at the same time don’t dare to.

I’ve been called “heart breaker” by girls who’ve never dared show their interest in me. Even girls I barely know have called me such.

Just recently, I found out that not less than three girls at my old workplace were in love with me. I had flirted with two of them, but they only returned friendly interest.

At one point, there was a temporary consultant that I flirted with, and she reciprocated (though the issues I’ve described above ensued with this girl as well). I went for her, and in the process I broke the hearts of the other three girls. They didn’t dare show that to me, but I’ve been reliably informed that at least one of them was “completely heart broken and very sad”.

There is nothing wrong with any of the girls I set my sights on. They’re normal and healthy. They’re not emotionally damaged or psychologically defective, and yet they react so very strongly to me.

It is frustrating. I feel like an emotional terrorist. I need to change something, but what? I’m missing some important detail.

Do you have any thoughts or ideas?

In my early thirties I mentioned to my buddy that once again a girl I was into told me that she was afraid of intimacy, and this time he took off the gloves and let me have it with “you always say that”. Implying that perhaps it wasn’t that the girls didn’t want intimacy, but that they didn’t want it with ME.

He’d also tell me to be less clingy or into the girl or passionate, and that girls liked it if the man showed an ability to take it or leave it.

And yet I’ve also experienced and it’s been well documented and scientifically researched that a rapey agressive cave man go for it vibe also gets a girls engine running; she’ll get off on feeling unstoppably wanted.

So I think it’s a very tricky balance to internalize. Aloof and intimate and caveman and alpha leader and intimate partner mate provider.

At 32 one girl told me “You’re perfect, and that’s why I’m afraid of you. Normally I’m more casual, but with you I sense it would open to more, and there is no reason for it not to, and that’s why I’m afraid.”

But that’s just her girl words, it’s not the best mental map for us as men to use to describe how her emotions fit together into a cohesive narrative. For men we’re better interpreting the situation as that:

1) We haven’t given her enough pull so the she feels she has to chase, we’re too accessable and so she can’t feel that we are above her in value.

2) The tone isn’t playful enough. It’s too earnest and leaves no wiggle room to back off and claim the whole thing was just out of fun. It’s too consequence loaded.

Both 1 and 2 can be extremely subtle. With M, a girl who was a 21 year old hottie virgin, when we met we fell into a love at first sight type of dance, and I played up on that storyline with her in texts and in person. However somehow or other there were also other required undercurrents. Although I was instantly genuinely infatuated and stiff, and we played a push pull rapey couch dance of “No, stop!” (back off for 10 seconds and then grab again) “No stop!” (lean way back until she comes into my space for a kiss) and so forth, somehow or other there was still a sense of humor in it.

Jeez, how the hell am I going to hang words on this one.

In my early thirties I wanted a girlfriend, and was playful. In mid forties I wanted a girlfriend and was playful. During both periods I was prone to quick infatuations. Throughout the whole time I remained as I still remain; open to love, bonding, infatuation, and all sorts and types of intimacy dances.

But something was different.

Maybe it’s just that in the interim I’d seen more girl tricks, and been heartbroken more and broken more hearts. As time went on I was willing to love, but knew more of loves illusory nature. Yes, love is still a compulsion; no one can claim to both feel infatuation and control it. And it still wasn’t a game; real feelings have real consequences. And yet some of the earnestness got punctured with humor, and love was also a game. The real pain of consequences was also pierced with bitter-sweet humor and accepted in the way we accept death – as something unacceptable that we deal with anyway without letting it overwhelm our living life; a funny irony to beauty; that it disappears.

Something was different. I’d danced the dance more times. I’d twirled with more partners. Some of the earnestness had drained and the consequences could never be felt to me as so earnest and real as they once had.

I also learned some crucial tricks about carefully doling out intimacy. A girl has to earn it. And even here it’s so subtle, because on a first date fuck I might still scream out “Daddy loves you”. None the less, in the wider gestalt that includes all the expansion and contraction and breathing of the pushes and pulls, the overall impression is that intimacy was being slowly doled out. The dance was being done with a sense of humor. A wink and a nod to the game of seduction and passion being played.

Oh, and I’d over time gained a better sense of command. And better boundaries.

When a girl says she’s afraid, then it means you can pull and make her chase more. That can be done with a subtle vibe. Maybe a playboy vibe, maybe an aloof vibe, maybe time constraints, maybe teasing her, maybe by seeing other girls. There isn’t a one size fits all way, although some people think believe and claim that there is this magical formula called “aloof” that can be sprinkled like pixie dust onto anything. Some how or other your vibe needs to get less earnest. It might happen internally in the most subtle of ways that even you will barely be able to detect. Or it might be through crafty timings of texts and careful word choices. The girl needs see your value, in all areas, including the abilty to bond, but she also needs to feel consequence free.

It’s a one day at a time instant fling. It’s a passionate love affair. It’s not a union of lives. She can walk away or be kicked out, despite the heartbreak. You ease into things as a dance, and on the journey over time you’ll naturally pass mile stones informing the both of you of new bonds. But those milestones are not assumed from the beginning. And that’s not an action, that’s an internalized attitude. She is not allowed to jump into the deep pool of being fully bonded. She has to pass the milestones. In the meantime she gets to explore some rough and deep waters – but she can’t live there and isn’t invited to stay there all at once.

That’s my best attempt for now. Let’s see what the readers say.

Posted in Uncategorized | 28 Comments »

A beta suck up explains to do as told and TONE IT DOWN

Posted by xsplat on April 7, 2014

On this post The private messages to Roosh that got me permabanned from RVF a nail that doesn’t want to stick out and be hammered down said:

Cobra said:If someone says tone it down, TONE it the FUCK DOWN. There’s probably another way to express yourself and get the same message out there.


And no, there isn’t.

Tone is not only part of the message, it’s part of the flow of what inspires creating the message in the first place. You can’t remove the tone and still have the message. As I already carefully explained.

And if someone says tone it down then tone it down? Uhh, WTF? That’s a really weird attitude.

Where did you learn to behave like such a good boy? Sounds like terrible training that you’ll want to unlearn.

But you won’t be able to unlearn it on the RVF. The RVF is a place for men to learn how to be attractive to women while being constrained against acting like the type of men who would be attractive to women.

And you have been misled or are not paying attention if you believe that the only issue was about tone. Look closer, and you’ll see people far more abrasive on that site. It’s about power and control and agreement and in-group clique versus all others who have to walk on eggshells and suck up to the in-group clique.

A man can not express himself as other than a beta suck up on that forum, which seems to agree perfectly well with your suck up tone it down when told attitude.

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