I’ve always prided myself on being able to hold my booze. When younger I thought it was difficult to even tell if I’d been drinking. Last night I got drunk in the company of my girlfriend in Bali. The next day I was angry at her for getting upset at my behavior, when obviously I’d been acting perfectly normal! I accused her of gaslighting me.
Thankfully she had recorded much of the evening, on video and voice. Actually she had been very patient and kind with me. It turns out I was being a total dick.
I had a major case of the Duning Kruger effect last night – too stupid to come close to understanding how stupid I was. I was belligerent, easily offended, repetitive, and annoying.
It makes me wonder if I’m going senile. I’m sure I used to be able to function at a much higher level when drunk before.
It’s very humbling and very embarrassing. I’m nowhere anywhere near as smart as I thought I was – at least when drunk. Scary. I’m so grateful for those videos!
Random Xpat Rantings 
So you’ve been stupid while drunk. Who cares. What’s embarassing about it. Fuck those who don’t like it.
I was unkind. And shocking unaware of how unkind I was being.
It’s truly frightening, and I honestly suspect the beginnings of brain degeneration.
Robin Williams committed suicide because he had Lewi Bodies Dementia. Possibly brought on by long term coke use.
Many in the sphere put it down to his exes financial demands, but he was having hallucinations and severe depression, because of advanced dementia.
I might be going there. Really. That’s a real thing, and I’m at much higher than average risk for it, and I have signs I may explain later.
Nobodies perfect but once again I must commend V for her efforts at patience, understanding, and support. She was in tears by the end of the night. I thought she was psycho to be in tears, but the story is far sadder than that.
That’s fucking weird man. Life is. I myself am going through a phase where I sometimes feel like losing my mind and I am ending up abandoning the most basic and, as many would think, ‘sane’ beliefs I hold.
Have you considered trying to do some experiments, like drinking, filming yourself and trying to stay very aware and then comparing your impression with the video later on? That’s something I would feel like doing. Just surrendering my own judgment to someone else – that’s a terrible thought.
If you find you’re holding your alcohol less with the years, you can always try monitoring congene levels. There’s a reason that in the past people drank wine with meals, brandy was the drunk uncle drink and the sophisticated man drank G&Ts and other white spirits. Some congenes can make the symptoms of alcohol, including hangovers, worse, especially in bodies under stress.
Thanks for the tip. I’ll look into it.
I don’t know why but I rarely get actual hangovers anymore. I used to get them something fierce as a teenager.
My chronic gastritis, or Chron’s disease, can flare up after drinking, but not always.
Depends what part of you is hit. My father had a genuine problem, but he never got hangovers so he never checked his intake. Then his pancreas, which had been taking the load off his liver, gave out. His liver might be the only part of him that still works. It’s as much a complicated, integrated process as any other bodily function.
You as a man should be the one giving tips
@afewgoodmen, have you never met a wise woman or a chick who sometimes had something useful to say?
To lose a little control when drunk is fine. To have metacognition, self criticism and to point out Duning Kruger in yourself is exceptional. It’s five-sigma.
If only more people were like you.
That’s very generous of you, thank you. But the videos were very embarrassing to me – really unexpected and I don’t think run of the mill just being blotto.
I plan to look into the state of the art tech about avoiding or reversing senility. There have been some very encouraging advances lately, although nothing’s past the FDA yet.
My Chinese girl continues to impress me. I told her that I’d trust her judgment over mine in the future if she warned me of acting silly. I’ve never said anything like that to anyone ever. It had never occurred to me to trust anyone elses judgment over mine.
I thought you quit drinking
The unfortunate thing is that drinking usually provides a quite substantial mood lift, lately.
Perhaps I’ll quit again. I’ve had a troubled on again off again love affair with alcohol, and like many people, don’t always do what’s ultimately best for me.
If its a struggle like that for you, I feel you should get clean and be what I call “as close to being straight edge without actually being straight edge:” only partake casually and not judge others who like substances.
I know myself too well to not get caught up in any substances. Booze makes me fat and kills my sex performance, cigarettes age me, make me smell like a homeless person, and costs too much money, hash destroys my motivation and makes me stay in bed for days not caring about anything, and pills…hooboy. I almost threw away a 20+ year friendship because of sleeping pills and nearly tossed out a 15 year friendship because of antidepressants. Pills = Mood swings for me, and I’m the type where if I have one bad mood swing, it could be my last.
But don’t get me wrong I’m not anti-drug. I’m not in the belligerent straight edge camp that condemns any and all substance use, I know their value and although I don’t get anything from them, doesn’t mean someone else doesn’t. If its around and will make me look better in a social setting I’ll smoke some of a joint or have a drink or two and might do like a third to a half of a line, but that’s about it. Since 2009 when I had a sleeping pill induced mood swing so bad that I threatened to stab a childhood friend, I have spent nearly 300 days a year on average stone cold sober. Best decision I have ever made. I now have more energy than I did in high school.
Good luck to you dude.
Great comment and thank you for the helpful good intentioned advice.
My last intern severed all contact with me after some drunken sms messages that I sent him, and refuses to give me his work, mostly using the messages as his “reason”.
I have often been tempted to post the messages that I sent him here on the blog, as I’d like some feedback on my sanity and social skills. Did I truly insult him? Or is he just grasping at a convenient straw to keep the work, out of some other motive?
However he did communicate to me that he considered my mention of him in another post as “outing him”, and another reason to move on to the future, meaning to continue to maintain complete radio silence with me.
So I really can’t tell if it was my drinking that ruined what had seemed to be a great friendship and collaboration.
I was deeply saddened and actually past sad and into depression for many months because of that issue.
And I may never know if it was my drinking, or not.
Another thing I needed to add regarding cigarettes/tobacco, they lower my lung capacity to the point where I’m a near asthmatic.
Not even going to say anything. Besides .. anything.
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