I’ve been reading up on insecure attachment styles, and again came across the statistic that only half of men and women have a secure relationship style.
People who do not are simply not mentally capable of being supportive of their partner, or of sucessfully pair bonding. The dismissive avoidant types (about 25%) often pair up with the anxious clingy types (another 25% or so). The clingy ones seem to prefer being rejected, as it is what they got used to and familiar with in their family. Clingy people actually avoid relationships with securely attached people who can give them what they overtly seek.
I haven’t seen it written down, but what I’ve noticed is that both the clingy and avoidant types deliberately sabotage relationships with manipulations and mind games. They deliberately sabotage clear communication. They just can’t be happy being happy.
A clingy person can be so oppressive in her desire for affection as to make actually receiving it for the long term impossible. And even if s/he does receive love, it’s water poured into a cup with a hole in the bottom. Impossible to retain that feeling of love throughout the day and night, and this puts an impossible burden on the mate to keep refilling the broken cup.
But it gets worse. It’s not just that only 50% of people are suitable for having LTRs with. It’s that only 50% of men are suitable to have as friends and business associates.
I’m starting to come around to the belief that men pair bond also, and that’s called having a buddy. A business associate is also a type of buddy bond; very serious long term obligations, strong trust and high levels of communication are essential to successful business relationships.
It gets worse.
I’ve come to see that the majority of people in the pick up or manosphere or red pill scenes do not fall into the 50% camp of people who had healthy relationships with their parents, or are capable of secure attachment with women as adults. The people who are most interested in pump and dump are the least interested, or able, to have long term relationships. This is not merely a lifestyle choice of seeking novelty, it’s also directly related to attachment styles.
Therefore most men in the manosphere or PU community are not suitable to partner with on business projects. Or even to have as buddies.
Which is tragic, really, because red pill awareness is heightened awareness of relationships and reality. To be able to see the world like that takes a lot of personal development, and raw cognitive horse power.
It’s tragic that it tends to be broken people who seek solutions in non-monogamy more than people who genuinely love women and love being in love and bonding with them.
We don’t see much talk of healthy loving non-monogamy, anywhere. There are a few great standouts, like Blackdragon, but most men in the scene can not even conceptualize what that could look like.
I believe, sadly, that attachment styles play a very big role in why this is so.