My last intern severed all contact with me after some drunken sms messages that I sent him, and refuses to give me his work, mostly using the messages as his “reason”. This was many months ago, and I have not pestered him about it, but only very occasionally (like less than once a month) sent him messages to gently try to re-initiate contact. I have apologized many times, and the apologies were genuine.
Prior to the sms messages all our communications had been warm and civil, and in my mind full of mutual respect and even joy.
I have often been tempted to post the messages that I sent him here on the blog, as I’d like some feedback on my sanity and social skills. Did I truly insult him? Or is he just grasping at a convenient straw to keep the work, out of some other motive?
However he did communicate to me that he considered my mention of him in another post as “outing him”, and another reason to move on to the future, meaning to continue to maintain complete radio silence with me. I had written that post also while under the influence, and I was very angry at the time. To this day I don’t see that the post was a mistake. Am I incorrect? Is my judgment faulty on that too?
So I really can’t tell if it was my drinking that ruined what had seemed to be a great friendship and collaboration.
I was deeply saddened and actually past sad and into depression for many months because of that issue.
And I may never know if it was my drinking, or not.
It is not my intention to use a public forum to cast aspersions on anyone. I really very much liked and appreciated the guy. I’m honestly questioning my own social skills and sanity, and don’t know where else to turn for feedback. I’ve recently learned that I can’t simply trust my own judgment, and that sometimes I do need feedback.
The intern was upset before that I recounted events. He didn’t mention that I had misrepresented the situation, he only communicated that he didn’t like the discussion to be public at all.
That’s not a value that I can empathize with. I simply don’t know what it means to be offended or dissappointed in telling a tale of interactions. Either I’m acurate or not – that’s the issue, isn’t it? Am I totally retarded? Do I just not get it? Am I autistic?
I’ve even offered to pay extra money for the work. He refuses to discuss it or negotiate about it. He communicates to me that he’s completely unwilling to interact at all, even for that business arrangement.
Please every person who reads this post take just a few seconds out of your life and leave a very brief comment if you think it’s a good idea or not to post screen captures of the offending messages that apparently caused total radio silence and a “reason” to withhold all work – work he had previously agreed to give to me.