Riker Wrote: Ya, but the girls who throw themselves at fame probably aren’t worth anything besides their looks no? For ltrs or whatever.
Ya, but girls who are more attracted to wealthy men than those with average wealth are nothing but gold diggers and not worth having an LTR with.
Ya, but girls who are more attract to handsome men are shallow and won’t be able to appreciate your fine inner qualities and so are not worth having an LTR with.
Ya, but girls who are into more established older men have Daddy issues and are not LTR material.
Ya, but girls who are more attracted to douchebags who posture with tattoos and fit bodies are ditsy and not worthy of an LTR
Ya, but girls who are into you for your social status are just social climbers who might use you as a stepping stone and therefore are bad LTR material.
Ya, but girls who are attracted to ANY attractive trait other than what I personally highlight as my sexual strategy are not worthy of an LTR.
Random Xpat Rantings 
“Girls who X are no good.” It’s a way of taking oneself of the hook after he realizes that he does not appeal to girls who X: “I didn’t really want her, she’s no good anyway.”
Thing is, all chicks have some degree of desire to X. But not all of them are hot enough to do it.
Yes. It’s painful that hypergamy doesn’t always choose us, when we are so clearly superior. And we all want to make that pain go away, somehow. So the women who don’t choose us must be deeply flawed.
But like you say, it’s not just a minority of women attracted to a handsome face, good physique, wealth, power, social status, and a charismatic presentation. Hypergamy may come in flavors, but it’s a universal female nature.
Women are famous for getting extra bitchy when a man is down on his luck; kicking a dog when he’s down. I hear that money is the major cause of marital stress. As men we think they are callous and unfaithful, but they are just following their programming. They don’t love our unique inner “true self”. That’s a male romantic notion. Women love hypergamously – they need to look up to the man, and not just relative to herself, but relative to other men that she can obtain commitment from. So a man down on his luck better not show any underbelly, and better have the character that can maintain psychological hand, if he wants to maintain his womans interest and keep her from sabotaging the relationship with the pure stone cold bitch that every woman has inside her.
I’ve got to say that I’ve lived with women during periods of rat infested hand to mouth poverty – one for one year and another for over two – and they were attentive and devoted. Hypergamy comes in flavors and it’s not only about any one attribute. It’s about the gestalt of how she sees you and how that compares with her ideal. Not how she sees your inner character – how she sees you doing your whole marital duties better than other men could.
A trick men do is to command the frame, and change what his woman’s ideal is. She doesn’t even have to know why she loves you, and it’s more fun if this baffles and frustrates her. My personal style is to hit the lover buttons, and keep the girl horny and romantically aroused all the time. Build up and inflame her libido and get her addicted to me. This is the same principle that works in online dating; it’s difficult to get that first audience when your face and stats don’t measure in the top 10%, but in a personal interview you can change the frame, and get her to feel that you do excel over other men. Get her to feel both at ease and stimulated, then aroused, and then sexual. Show creative skill and sympatico. Charisma is just one among many areas where hypergamy is in action.
It’s just much easier to get a receptive interview when it’s not the only area going for you. And easier overall.
sometimes your replies are better than actual posts.
“Get her to feel both at ease and stimulated, then aroused, and then sexual. Show creative skill and sympatico. Charisma is just one among many areas where hypergamy is in action.” You’ve mentioned this before, any examples from previous conversations would be helpful. A lot of the examples given before involve your anger, the only one I remember about setting the frame was when you tell her this is our happy place.
That’s a bit difficult for me right now due to the place where I’m at in my life. I’m not in the beginning phases of a relationship and haven’t been in nearly two years, and the relationship I’m in is past the initial flush of romance stage and I’m preparing to leave it.
I had a second apartment a while back and had planned to start dating again to get some things on the side, but I have some serious health issues that limit my energy and haven’t been physically up to it. That and a change of focus recently to working on my businesses makes fresh romance less relevant to what’s going on over here just now.
I’m aiming to wrap up the severe business focus in three months. Then I’ll be off for a life rejuvenating change, and flirtation and cultivation of bonds will be an active part of my life again, which will make writing about it fresh and relevant.
My memory is not as vivid as most peoples – it’s dim and vague when it’s there at all, and I spend very little time in nostalgic remembrance. I have other lives behind me, but I don’t think of them much. To write about the little details that go well in initial meetings is a challenge now.
However, I’ll cast my mind back and think of a specific date that led to the girl moving in that day (something that’s happened four times before). I’d contacted her on the internet, and she cut her date short with another guy in Bali and flew back to her home town of Jakarta and came straight to see me. The first thing was we were excited, but at ease. My feeling of ease must have come from the fact that I’ve done this sort of thing many times. Although an introvert and described as shy and quiet in groups, I’m comfortable one on one with women in private places. We laughed a lot. At some point I knew it was on, but I delayed getting naked – I kept telling her that there is no rush. We drank some more, and I took her out to a local mall to grab some groceries. On the way back I played the “excuse me miss” game. “Excuse me Miss? Do you speak English? I’m new in town. Are you free? Do you have time to escort me?” We pretended I was picking her up on the street, and she’d flirt right back like a pro. It was the first date but we laughed a lot and felt like we’d been romantic for ages.
We clicked as soon as I saw her walking up the stairs to my third floor walk up apartment. I could see in how she moved and on her face that she was fun and available. And not just sexually available. She was single and ready. We both just decided to click, and we did.
After a while I decided it was fucking time, and we fucked like gerbils. We kept that up for 11 months, until she died. She fell for me pretty fast, but it took about 3 months before I totally owned her. Sometimes you have to hit a girl before she gives it all up, and that was the case with her. She gave me her heart and soul, and wanted to tattoo “Daddy’s little bitch” on her ass (2nd girl to offer exactly that). Every time I came home she’d insist on taking my shoes off for me, and would feel hurt if I ever did it myself. She’d cut my toenails, and on time. Extremely attentive, and for the whole 11 months she would tell me that she loved me at least 20 times a day.
When she died the grief was indescribable. Intense pain that went all the way through to my dreams. Waking up was waking up from pain into deeper pain. Six months of intense grief, after which I felt in a place to start dating again, and quickly had a busy dating schedule.
But none of that really gives any nuts and bolts how to. I think the simpatico and comfort probably comes in large part from experience. You’re at ease because you’ve done it before. And the flirting and command of sexual escalation must come from the same place. You’ve been there many times, and you know the natural progressions and timings. This girls English was pretty good, but with other girls we had to flirt mostly in pantomime and with Google translate. I don’t run any routines. I just genuinely enjoy myself and have fun, in whatever ways I can find available. Build whatever connections are there to be built.
With the dead girl it was easy to build up very strong connections based on sex. She hadn’t come before me, but soon wound up coming within thirty seconds and then just coming and coming like a cherry-faced fountain. And she’d have spontaneous orgasms while out in public. I’d dress her up in a short skirted french maid outfit with a dog collar and we’d be the talk of the town. Blow jobs in nearly every taxi ride, and we took taxis often. I even fucked her in one once. I’d finger her in the Mcdonalds, and the security guards would see. We were a scandal, and were well loved everywhere (and well hated) because of it.
We just fell into whatever connections we could. And both being highly sexual, the connections were strong, from day one.
One of the girls I dated after her, a 19 year old, had a similar experience with me, but it only lasted 4 months, as I was seeing my current girl at the same time and the stress drove her to the mental institution. Literally.
With the 19 year old she was naked within 30 minutes of meeting her, and we literally made love. Even with my finger up her ass in the first hour of meeting, it wasn’t just a physical connection, but we just clicked from the get go and opened up to each other. There was romance in our kisses and in our fucking. She left her village that day and visited my place for a week, and within a month moved in full time.
I’m cautious with my sexuality and believe that this gives me advantages. Powers even. I prefer to only fuck girls that I’m into, so when I fuck, it’s my habit to have an engaged heart. Even when I’m slapping or choking and spitting and calling the girl a dirty little slut, my eyes are wide open and I’m totally present and there, having a flow moment where everything is so intense that time alters it’s speed. Connecting intensely. I prefer to let the energies rise up from my belly into my heart and out to my arms, and up my spine and above my head and throughout my body and into her belly and throughout her body. I like intimacy and connection and intensity and power.
People can open to that very quickly. It doesn’t take 10 years of marriage.
But not everyone opens easily or at all. Some girls are powerful savants, some are hypolibidinous, repressed and timid.
Oh… I like the “excuse me” role-play. Hehe… I’m forwarding this to my boyfriend and see if he’s up to it.
OMG, I just read more of your post and she passed away. I’m sorry, Xsplat.
came across your comment on heartiste http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2010/05/14/great-scenes-of-game-in-the-movies-6/:
“I know that in a meat market like a bar, I have poor prospects. Hooking up is done assortively by looks.
But I also know that once a woman is isolated away from all cock blocks and other opportunities, and if other factors are in place, a guy can intrigue a girl even if he’s well below her attractiveness level.
It’s certainly harder to get your foot in the door. It’s harder to maintain the relationship. And it’s harder to keep her from listening to all her cock block friends. But even a very attractive woman can become under your sway, once you get under her skin deep enough.
To get the foot in the door can be any number of hooks, but I suppose truly having one or two areas that you stand out in as your field of pussy magnetism expertise can work. It might be philosophy. Doug1 seems to have a magnetism revolving around his knowledge of history. It might be a mood you emanate. Massage skills. Fucking skills. Maybe you just constantly make the girls crack up”
That last part, what would you say your hook or hooks are. you mentioned before that its the sex, but what about before that, the part before she is yours. and what about when it becomes and ltr and its no longer new and exciting, how do you keep it new and exciting.
If you had asked me that three of four months ago perhaps I’d have a helpful answer. At this point I’m not even trying. I’m just preparing my exit.
damn you were right about your memory being bad. doesn’t seem very normal. Do you why or how you started becoming more forgetful? Do you think it may have something to do with the meditation and buddhist teachings of being so present, maybe that you lose more touch with the past. A lot of times its a good thing, but I am a bit concerned, it should all still be there but the ability to extract it is perhaps diminished.
My memory has been bad for as long as I can remember.
It causes trouble sometimes, because people have a hard time believing that someone who seems smart and high functioning can have such a memory problem.
I can spend a full day with someone and the next day not be able to recognize them. If a girl reminds me every day for a week that her birthday is coming up, and reminds me twenty times that tomorrow is her birthday, the next day I’ll be unlikely to remember.
Learning a new language for me goes very, very slowly. That’s why I’ve been in SE Asia for over 10 years and still don’t speak any local language.
Yet while I can’t remember specific things, my memory works in other ways. I piece every bit of information into a coherent whole, and I’m able to see that big picture, and from there reference items. If a person is important to me, I’ll be able to recognize their face. It might take 100 meetings for them to become important, or twenty seconds.
It is indeed unusual, but because I’m smart and high functioning I rarely notice it, nor do other people, until I forget something that they can’t believe I would forget. Like their face after meeting them socially twenty times.
But it’s been an advantage as well. As a teenager I could wait a few months and re-read old comic books and they’d be fresh and new to me. I can even re-read my own posts after a while and be surprised. For instance I had no recollection of the post you quoted, so it was an entertaining read.
And I don’t wallow in nostalgia. Because I can’t.
But if I ever get together with old friends, they will reminisce about all the good times we’ve all had, and I’ll have no idea what they are talking about. That would happen even as a teenager, so whatever the problem it’s more than age related dementia.
I wrote a post a few years back wondering if these memory deficits have led to some positive cognitive compensations. https://xsplat.wordpress.com/2008/02/19/my-savant-advantage/
But imagine if truth wasn’t so important to me, and I didn’t take every new piece of data as it comes in and see how it fits in with the big picture whole I’ve constructed of relationships between ideas. If I didn’t have such an allegiance to truth, I’d be totally lost. Blind with no GPS.
Truth is my GPS, so even when I can’t see behind me and can’t always recognize the things in front of me, I know where I stand in relation to things. I can not afford to use emotional thinking to make my mental maps, or I truly would be lost.
Why should women be defined by what characteristics attract them in people? My expat boyfriend is 9 years older than me, and I don’t have “daddy issues”. I’ve always been a happy only child with loving parents.