Random Xpat Rantings

Contemplative dominance for the modern man

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It’s all one game – even the heartbreak and rejections – that IS the game.

Posted by xsplat on December 10, 2014

Unbowed had some interesting discussions during a meetup with Krauser, and took away this insight:

I asked Nick about stoicism and being unemotional as that’s always bugged me in regards to inner game. He explained that while a cornerstone of game is emotional mastery, you will still feel highs and lows, it doesn’t matter if you’re a newbie or a veteran. Opening has an emotional cost. Rejection has a sting. An SDL has a euphoric feeling. And regardless of this emotional roller coaster, it does not matter. There’s no inherent meaning or grand purpose to any of this. It’s just a game. But make no mistake, you will feel the highs and lows. The minute you stop feeling means you’re out of the moment. If you’re not feeling both the flak and the bliss and everything in between, then you’re not in the game. Sure the intensity will differ depending on individual variables, but it boils down to feeling. The mastery comes where you can make a decision in spite of the emotions. I found it to be a subtle but notable distinction.

I was thinking something quite similar last night. My Beauty Queen had invited me to visit for four days, as her family will be out of town and so she can sleep over, but then the next day she begged off with some lame excuse.

At first I was philosophical about it. I’ve got other girls I’m into, and am developing a pipeline. I allowed myself the pain of acknowledging that she’s an 8 who is a screamer, and that’s going to take a wide pipeline to replace. Walking over to one of my girls places I was still thinking about her, and my heart hurt. So I just let it hurt, and emobodied it, and felt it. Not just let it wash over me, but let that be what I was doing and being – embody it in the same way you might embody a song you are really into and singing. And it occurred to me that while that’s pain, that IS the game.

That IS what dating is. That’s it. It’s these waves of pleasure and pain. If you can’t feel the pain, you can’t properly play the game. You won’t be able to effectively seduce, and you won’t be able to really feel the bliss and the joy.

All night long even in my sleep and dreams I was heartbroken, and woke up feeling down.

And I also had a great evening with my long time lover.

And I was also cranky at another lover for leaving town for a few days without permission.

And that’s it. That IS the game.

It isn’t winning a contest over your emotions. It isn’t only feeling pleasure. It’s the whole thing. That’s the game – you can’t win at dating uless you date, and you can’t date unless you feel, and you can’t feel unless you really feel – all the pleasure and all the pain.

I explain something like this to new lovers I meet. I let them know that I’ve often felt extreme heartbreak. Sometimes I’ll use the example of my dead lover; it’s very easy to empathise with such a wrenching loss for people, and there is no sidetrack into stories of who left who for what reason. I let it be known that while I feel heartbreak deeply, that it’s no excuse not to live life fully. I hate it as much as anyone else – pain is pain. But I’m not afraid of it.

I don’t let it stop me.

It’s the game. The whole game. It’s part of the whole thing.

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The battle of the sexes won’t be waged the same way ever again

Posted by xsplat on December 9, 2014

When people see how feminism has been changing culture, they then naturally try to envision the future; how will things develop. But never do I hear of future projections that take into account the wild card of technological change.

Society follows upon opportunity, and opportunity follows upon technology.

Agrarian technology ushered in dramatic social changes. The industrial revolution ushered in more. The pill and the service economy ushered in more. The internet more still.

If we could forecast that there will not be any more major socially disrupting new technologies, then we can try to peer into our horizons. But I don’t see that as likely at all.

We are going to start to see some very major technological shifts that will dramatically change culture, in ways far more profound than feminism ever has.

Genetic engineering of ourselves and offspring, surgical remolding as well as biological grafts, computer implants, and yes, even the borg.

If you are looking 60 years into the future and not even thinking about technology then you are thinking that history is cyclical.

Technology is not cyclical.

History is not cyclical.

Social changes are not cyclical.

I’m old enough to have lived pre internet and pre cell phone. Nobody imagined our current future. It was a surprise.

We will have surprises FAR more disruptive on society than feminism.

Adapt or don’t. If people think they have witnessed big cultural shifts, and are hoping for things to swing back around, they’ve got it ALL wrong.

We aint seen nothin yet.

The changes have only barely begun.

Sex robots. Resource wars that could impact our physical safety and use unfamiliar weapons, such as bio-tech, micro-drones, and autonomous robots.

Mind controlling implants and microbes. Brain upgrades.

Even in the last few years facebook and tinder have changed society. Forty years ago that was not a prediction.

Forty years from now the battle of the sexes will be held on a vastly different landscape. What having a baby even means will be vastly different; genes will no longer be a matter of paternity and maternity alone.

And the effect of native genes will be vastly different. We will be altering our own genetic makeup after being born. As well as our appearance, and organs, and senses, and even how our very brains and thought processes function.

Society will be connected up in new ways we have never imagined.

People think sexting is an issue. Brain-wifi all-senses connected international sex orgy anyone? What is your chosen avatar?

My point of injecting this pragmatic uncertainty into the dialog is to point out that in order to live strategically, our short and medium term goals must include working with the system as it is. Our long term goals should include being in the best possible position to adapt. And that for me means increasing wealth as much as possible.

Nowhere is it pragmatically useful to plan for a future in which the battle of the sexes continues to be waged in our current technological landscape.

That present is ALREADY the past. The present is history. This landscape won’t be where the battle happens.

It will be a DIFFERENT battle.

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Why it’s “rape” if the woman is drunk, but not the reverse

Posted by xsplat on December 9, 2014

Comment from Johnycomelately at Rollo’s blog

Kanazawa is the preeminent redpill researcher out there, he has been pilloried to kingdom come and kicked off every site he wrote for (most notably Psychology Today) because of his redpill research.

Here’s an exert from a response to a critic.

“When it comes to intersexual selection, the law states that the sex that invests less into the offspring is sexually more aggressive, and the sex that invests more is sexually more choosy and coy (Trivers 1972). This means that, among most mammalian species (including all primates), the female is more choosy than the male, and thus sex and mating become a female choice (Kirkpatrick 1987; Small 1993).

There is by now a significant amount of evidence to demonstrate that men lek (conspicuously display their genetic quality) and women choose from among the available men.

If sex and mating were a male choice, how is a regular copulation different from rape? Why is rape so traumatic and devastating to women if it is no different from a regular copulation (Thornhill & Thornhill 1983)? Rape is so traumatic and devastating to women precisely because that is the only time when a sexual copulation is not a female choice. All the other instances of sexual intercourse are treated and perceived differently because they are always a female choice. ”

Men lek (display) and females choose, all game is based on improving or imitating high value lekking.

Anything that violates fully informed female choice, whether by inducing self delusion, mimicking, omission, deception, contriving or guile is seen as rape by a low status male. Drunken sex is viewed as the removal of capacity to choose and therefore rape.

That is why being ‘tricked’ or ‘taken advantage of’ seems to be so prevalent in female discourse, I guess that is why game is so villified.

The hysteria isn’t about genuine rape but the innate fear of having sex with low value men, the prevalence of ‘game’ simply adds to the hysteria.

As Whisky used to say, “Women hate hate hate betas.” And sex with a low value man is akin to rape.

and boomerick wrote:

Feminist Rape Culture is the female ego defensive idea that, for every woman, no matter how unappealing they might be, all men on some level desire her, to the point of her fantasizing that all men could loose control and act violently against their natural male protective instinct, societal conditioning, and legal penalty threat to “have” her (she’s THAT important). The affected woman can enter into every situation/ transaction throughout her every day assuring herself of her own desirability even though most likely she’s not even noticed or wanted (she’s truly insignificant and unimportant). It’s over compensation for basic female insecurity. The amount of solipsism pushing this “culture” is staggering.

Johnycomelately again:

The rape hysteria also has a deeper motive, equalitarianism (high taxes and social distribution) has changed the economic ecology and altered the incentives for female bonding patterns.

Several economists and anthropologists contend that society is transitioning from monogamy to serial monogamy (serial polygyny).

For serial polygyny to be facilitated women require absolutely unfettered, unrestricted, unconditional, uncommitted, unrestrained, unmoralizing, independent and completely free and unqualified safe access to sexual free choice. Unbounded by contracts, agreements, social norms, moral restraints, religious injunctions, social ties, aesthetic norms, maternal obligations, infanticide (abortion), selling progeny (adoption) and economic restrictions.

Anything that is deemed as restrictive is seen as limiting this choice, male spaces, employment obstacles, undesirable attention, unsafe neighbourhoods, male aesthetic standards, religion and of course RAPE.

What we are seeing is ‘choice hysteria’, anytime someone somewhere restricts female sexual choice it is met with unbounded fury. Even centuries long legal precedents and wrongful inprisonment must acquiesce to facilitate free choice.

Here are some quotes showing we are transitioning to serial polygyny.

Murdock’s (1967) Ethnographic Atlas categorized just 16% of 862 cultures as exclusively monogamous, with polygamy being found at some level in the rest.

A 2011 study from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control found that just 23% of women and 14.7% of men aged 25-44 had one (or zero) opposite-sex lifetime partners.

Frank Marlowe, Biological Anthropology – Cambridge
When males provide all the income but some have much more than others, richer males achieve polygyny, while ecologically imposed monogamy prevails in case of moderate inequality. When males provide an intermediate level of investment with little variation, females are not excessively dependent on males and serial monogamy may arise.

David de la Croix, Professor of Economics
In a society with few rich males and virtually no rich females, polygyny is supported by rich males, who can naturally monopolize a larger number of partners, and poor females, who prefer to be the n-th wife of a rich male rather than marrying a poor male monogamously.
Eventually, however, the number of rich males increases enough, and poor females prefer to marry monogamously.
Serial monogamy follows from a further enrichment of the society, through a rise in either the share of rich males, or the the proportion of rich females.

Monique Mulder, Anthropology
A key finding here is that while men do not benefit from multiple marriages, women do. Although the data are very variable (large standard errors), women appear to gain more from multiple mating than do men.

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Project World Domination update #1

Posted by Aaron Sollesse on December 5, 2014

A lot has happened since I last posted.

In summary team size has doubled, two new money making machines are almost complete, sales are rising, plus we have a new office, villa and we’re now building a compound in Bali to host our growing team.

Bali compound

Early draft of the new Bali compound

As a result of our last call to action four Westerners are arriving in December to Bali. There will be fun adventures, sexy girls, discussions about life and creation of businesses.

Things here on the ground are developing swiftly. Lots of training new staff and heavily developing our business infrastructure to build a sustainably scaleable company, whilst pushing forward with conversion optimisation and lots of R&D.

Things are exciting here but I want to talk about something else today that isn’t often discussed.

People all the time write about how to improve your game, wealth, health, etc. but people seem to forget the best growth accelerator – a mentor.

How to Get a Mentor

I’ve often seen content about the benefits of mentorship but very little on what it takes to actually get a mentor.

The most important fundamental factor is: Give Life-Changing Value.

And the reason why this topic is neglected so much is because fundamentally most people are too selfish – they focus way too much on what they want and too little on what other people want.

For example I could have focused only on my own desires to relax, eat good food and meet girls 24/7 whilst out here with X. But instead I’ve taken on the role of Chief Operations Officer to manage all current businesses and personnel, as well as R&D on new projects, developing our business systems plus hiring and training new staff.

I’ve been busy as hell but I’m giving life-changing value – X now has more free time and less stress since he knows that I’m on top of everything. And I’m more than happy to do this because that’s what mentorship is all about.

You’re there to learn something valuable from them and this is the experience you need to be successful. In return you give your mentor life-changing value and this completes the Value Cycle. The value you give is the value you gain.

Giving value is fundamental to getting a mentor, so how can we make sure we’re giving life-changing value?

The 3 Keys for Giving Life-Changing Value

The first key is: Find out their primary goal. Once you know exactly why a person does everything they do, it makes it much easier to then deliver life-changing value to them.

For example the subheadline ‘How to Get a Mentor’ is based on this principle, as I’m offering you value in the form of accelerated success (a primary goal). But if this had instead been titled ‘How to Be a Good Mentee’ you would have been far less interested because it doesn’t immediately appear like life-changing value to you.

Persuasive copywriters ensure they speak always in terms of benefits, particularly drilling down to the primary benefit e.g. success. Becoming a good mentee to then attract a good mentor in order to become successful is much more indirect, thus less impactful. It’s a secondary goal.

As a personal example I can say that X has more interests than I can count in various industries, hobbies, science, technology, etc. Whenever I talk about something new I learned he already researched it 20 years ago. He’s a complex man but as I know the underlying motivation behind all of his intellectual pursuits, I know what value he most responds to.

This ensures a happy and productive partnership for the long-term. There’s no real shortcut that I know which immediately uncovers this though – it took a while for me to decipher so for any mentor you want to approach, make sure that you do your research thoroughly.

The second key is: Know each other’s strengths and weaknesses

With me and X, I know that by systemising and managing the businesses (my strength) that X has more free time to do what he does best – mastermind. He’s a business genius and comes out with big money making ideas all the time.

I also know that I’m very focused and analytically-minded whilst X thinks about a million things at once and is more creatively-oriented. Only problem is, there’s too many good ideas. We need to focus to get shit done, and I help him channel his energies in that way.

Ying and yang. That’s exactly what you need to be with your mentor. You must harness their strengths and mitigate their weaknesses, whilst doing the same with your own strengths and weaknesses.

And the third key for giving life-changing value: Know the difference between what they want and what they really need.

Let’s go back the subheadline ‘How to Get a Mentor’. You readers here all want success in business, relationships, fitness etc. so I wrote the subheadline tailored to what you want.

But now you’re reading this section I’m giving you what you really need – a slap in the face reminding you to forget about what you want, and instead to focus on giving life-changing value to others.

As a red pill man you can see the differences in numerous places. That 30-year old businesswoman wants to keep climbing the career ladder and riding the cock carousel but really needs to settle down before she hits the wall and becomes infertile. Mr. Beta next door wants to redo his kitchen for his beloved wifey-dearest who’s bored again but he really needs to start working out, stop taking shit and fuck his wife into oblivion. You want to read another blog post but you really need to get off your ass and take action.

Now remember that the whole point of this is to help fulfil their primary goal. So you’ll be looking at their secondary goals which conflict with their primary goals. For example the 30-year old businesswoman needs to drop the secondary goals of short-term pleasure from promotions and one night stands to fulfil her primary goal of long-term fulfilment from a monogamous relationship and babies.

These are all the methods you really need to give life-changing value, the real work is discovering them in the person. In summary the 3 keys for giving life-changing value are:

1) Find out their primary goal

2) Know each other’s strengths and weaknesses

3) Know the difference between what they want and what they really need

Be aware that these keys are needed much more for informal mentorships where you approach someone who isn’t actively looking for a mentee. They’ll make life difficult for you because they don’t want to begin the Value Cycle and mentor you (even though they would gain just as much as you in the process).

Of course, there are formal mentorships where can more easily secure a mentor because you’ll readily discuss each of these 3 keys:

Internships

Although we’re currently taking on lots of new people, we’re always on the lookout for more talented individuals.

Click here for the application form and description of the internship we’re offering. More details there but in short we’re offering 3-month trials with us in Indonesia (all living expenses paid for) and the opportunity for profit sharing past that point.

That’s all for now, looking forward to checking in with you all soon enough on further developments.

P. S. We are also thinking of doing a podcast soon. If we do, what would you like us to talk about? Leave a comment below.

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LTR game for the ugly man

Posted by xsplat on December 1, 2014

It’s easy to notice that hawt guys have more options. The other day at a restaurant the waitress asked Aaron after our meal “Would you like anything else?” I laughed and commented loudly “notice how she only asked you!” The girl laughed but didn’t even bother to make polite eye contact with me over the joke, and continued looking up with eager puppy dog eyes at Aaron.

When I see a super hot girl, every other girl around her is put into her relative place. They fade into the background or disappear altogether. And when I’m beside Aaron he gets IOS from long distances away, and girls peripheral vision finds him and tunes right in. I’m right beside him and their eyes never even land on me.

But some people think therefore that hawt guys are the only Alphas. That girls reserve genuine desire for them, and that they form an elite top 1% secret society.

That’s not quite true.

True, a hot guy can post up at a bar, and get attention. Even get unsolicited business cards handed to him. And score much more easily with a greater percentage of girls.

A hot guy with game and a well rounded lifestyle who has his shit together is the top elite. He can be a true alpha that many girls want.

But that doesn’t mean that only hot guys get to inspire devoted sexual attention from hot girls.

Alpha does not equal hot, not all hot guys are alpha, and not all alphas are hot.

I’m here in Bali with Aaron now. He has been killing it these last five days – on a liftetime peak streak, using night game. Great girls giving him great treatment.

While for myself it would be useless to use tinder, night game is not appropriate, and I struggle to get a single online date. I have to scratch and scrape for every scrap.

But once I get a girl across the cafe table, I have a very good chance to get her into my room. And once I get her in my room I have a very good chance to fuck her. The conversion rate is high. And whats more is that once I fuck a girl, most of the time she’ll want to be my girlfriend. And whats far more again is that over time she’ll come to treat me like a living god.

So while I can’t get several new girls a week, I can build up a stable of attractive young women who treat me at least as well as the hottest man on earth.

I had a date with a lovely 22 year old virgin last night. She made me laugh. She’s earned a few scholarships and has a bubbly feminine personality. I really like her. Towards the end of the date she flat out told me that I could have her virginity if I gave her some time.

But five days without sex. No masturbation. I’m used to seeing at least two girls a day, every day.

I’m not complaining about not being a hot guy. Yes, I’d prefer it. But you work with what you’ve got. And charm can go a hell of a long way.

Guys underestimate the power of charm. Charm plus being a good lay can convert the hottest of girls. Not as great a percentage of hot girls, but enough to build a stable.

Oh, an update on my beauty queen. Her sister stole her phone so that she could not contact me, and then insisted that I was too old and ugly for her. Then she broke up with me. It took a 40 minute phone call just to get her to accept me to fly up and say one last goodbuy over coffee. Needless to say we were fucking within 40 minutes of meeting again. After that she kept waffling, from being close with me to acting as if she’d never see me again. As of yesterday she asked me if I would be her boyfriend. It’s like landing a prize tuna with a lake trout fishing rod and reel. You can’t just throw your hands up in the air and say “oh, there are plenty of other fish in the sea.” Yes, there are. But there are not plenty of prize tuna on your fishing line. When you get a nibble, land the fish! Even if it takes incredible skill and persistance, land the fish! Oh, and she had originally lied about her age; it turns out she’s got a few months left of being only 17. I know many guys would see the young age as a negative, but I see it a huge positive. I met M when she was the perfectly ripe age of 21, and now she is quite noticeably past her prime at 25. In five years Beauty Queen will only be 22. Even after giving me a child she’ll still be a slim young hottie.

An update on the new 17 that Santa Claus left under the tree after returning back from my first visit to BQ: turns out she just turned 17 a week ago. So I had her for a while at the legal age of 16. The last time I saw her she was being a cock tease, laying on the bed watching loud porn on her cell phone, while preventing me from groping her. When I ignored her to do chi-kung she’d come up and rub on me, only to prevent me from undoing her bra. Then when I ignored her more and went out to the toilet she called out “no sex tonight”. I got pissed off and told her to leave. She refused so I physically threw her out my bedroom door and locked it. She stayed in my shophouse for 30 minutes begging and crying, and I had to get the live in handyman to tell her to go. Needless to say she loves me even more now.

An update on N18. N18 is 19 now. And after not seeing her for a month, I couldn’t take it anymore. I don’t have any other girl in my life who is such an attentive lover. That’s just too valuable to throw away. After one month apart her pussy tightened up considerably. She could never bring her self to believe that I had broken up with her.

An update on M25. M regularly tells me that she loves me. She is a flawed girl, but we do have some bonds. And the sex is a certain kind of food that I can’t get anywhere else. I don’t really feel nourished unless I see her occasionally, at least.

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Whirwind date with beauty queen leads to her moving in

Posted by xsplat on October 28, 2014

She’s 18 and I’m crazy about her. I think most people would be.

She’s won a few beauty contests, sings, plays guitar, dances, is a screamer, is polite, loving, romantic, cheerful and emotionally open. An attentive conversationalist who is quick to understand, she reads the subtleties of my face while parsing the words. Strong English and some Spanish. Equal digit ratio and she races motorcycles, no matter how many times she falls down. And that tight fuck-me-body! She’s like me; built for adventure and public sex. And she seems as crazy about me as I am about her.

No resistance from either of us. Just a perfect fit – hand in glove. Just perfect.

I’m going to make her pregnant, and I’d have no qualms about marrying her tomorrow. I’m just crazy about her. She’s not just the prettiest girl in the room, she’s the best girl in the room.

I had to take a four hour flight just to meet her. The plan was to convert her from her evil ways and get her to fall in love. After all, that kind of thing has happened in my life before; five times girls have moved in on the first date.

I have no way to know how much was unconscious skill, and how much was just being myself in the right time in the right place. But not only was it mission accomplished, but she really blew me away. She’s so beautiful I get a little shy looking at her in the face. But she’s a great fuck so I’m getting over the shyness. But it’s not just the pretty face and the sex. She’s a baby making life changing keeper. She’s going to be my mate, companion and super-sexual love slave.

And so this Friday I’ll fly up there again and bring her back. She’s moving in.

I could see her walking around town with a big pregnant belly soon enough.

Meanwhile the virgin is still dawdling around trying to get me to meet her mother. People are different; I don’t need a safe chaste girl who never wants to step foot into a nightclub. I need the girl who is a flight risk, the girl who is difficult to keep. I’m built to catch and keep that kind of girl. A girl who can keep up and then some.

I’ve caused more pregnancies than I have fingers, but I never felt that it was the right mother to invest in. Finding a great mother is really extremely difficult! More so even than a great mate. Not only must the two of you have great chemistry that can last through years and even decades, but she needs great genes and she has to have had a solid, loving upbringing. She needs to be a debutante – an outstanding specimen with good manners and breeding, who can pass on culture as well as her superior stock.

I’ve seen on my fathers side of the family what happens when you breed well. You get a whole family of success, that perpetuates into more good breeding. All my cousins married hot debutantes and have incredible children. My own father was really a great Dad. Some of that must have rubbed off on me; I’ll make a great dad too. And I can see that this girl will be a great parent too; even and cheerful mood, attentive and all around fun. I’ve seen happy families with two solid and happy parents and laughing children. They are damn difficult to put together, but they exist. It starts with getting a top shelf girl. Damn difficult that.

And it’s like business. There are windows of opportunities. A good part of business acumen is just seeing the opportunity and jumping on it before it’s too late. Another part is making a higher probability to be in the right place at the right time. Another part is developing your situation such that you are able to act upon opportunities. Then you get a confluence that leads to a whirlwhind of what appears to be completely easy and natural.

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The high strung man

Posted by xsplat on October 19, 2014

Some people are high-energy and high strung, by nature. Some genes have been identified, and before those were found the personality component had been noticed. We don’t mellow much with age.

I broke up with N18 a few days ago, and have gone no contact. And my other squeeze is out of town. So now I have no energy release, and am way too frustrated to properly date and seduce this 21 year old virgin that I’ve been seeing. I don’t even want to see her if I can’t fuck her on the spot. I’d never be able to tone down my energy to match hers, and what with her unawakened libido and lifetime of swimming in no-sex-before-marriage conservative values, my wild horse raw power would just spook her.

It’s not just women who have a dual mating strategy; men also have strong pair bonding and paternal urges, plus want to fuck around with the best that they can get. A woman’s focus will shift depending on her cycle, and men’s focus shifts depending on circumstance. Right now I’m much less interested in setting up house and home with the virgin – I need a high energy now girl, who oozes and bubbles with bubble butt passion.

A lot of music I just don’t get, because I can’t understand what emotion it is trying to convey.

But today, this music is my internal state:

***

Some girls intuitively realize that if a man is in a high energy, positive state, he’s more attractive and more interested in hunting. And so they have a two pronged mate guarding strategy:
1) be highly sexual and work overtime to keep the man sexually satisfied
2) be as much of a downer and source of turmoil as possible, without losing the man altogether.

And that’s why I’ve had to jettison such a tight and willing love slave. She is built to work really hard to be a downer. That’s a habit she can’t break. High conflict and personality disordered people are like that as well. Great and addictive in the sack, but the addiction comes at a cost.

As painful as having too much crawling-the-walls energy can be, I know that I need that much motivation to change my just-comfortable-enough circumstance for the better.

***
A DJ knows to mix up the moods, as neuron fatigue means we can’t sustain any one mood for long. But we can still pack a lot of emotional energy into quieter and lower tempo moments:



***

Our theories of mind for other are built foremost out of our personal experience, so when we come across people with different biological underpinnings to their thought processes, it can be challenging to get any realistic grasp on what is going on with them.

High strung guys can embody a lot of physical, emotional, and sexual energy. You can’t tell them to tone-it-the-fuck down and expect anything other than a dog’s throaty bark in return. We manage our lives differently, and are not only unable to tone it down, we’d never want to. We see lower energy and affect people as walking zombies, and have a hard time understanding why they don’t tone-it-the-fuck up.



We interpret art into personal meaning. For me this next song embodies the alienation that comes from holding more energy than those around you. “I think it’s going to be a long long time, till touch down brings me round again to find, I’m not the man they think I am at home, Oh no no no! I’m a rocket man!”



In my life I’ve had a very rare few lovers with whom I regularly touched down to find out who is rocket man. That’s when I’m really fully myself, and really known for who I am.

***

At 21 it could seem that only my high powered sports bikes really understood me. Perfect outward expression of an internal state; man, twisty mountain road, and machine. Foot-peg scraping is a solitary experience, known to few.

***

Every heritable genetic trait is only conserved because it provides a reproductive benefit; at least within certain niches.

Therefore aloof bad boy game is not cookie cutter applicable. Higher strung guys need to play to our strengths – and boy do we have them. And it has NOTHING to do with being aloof.

Any man is going to have his own particular styles and strengths, and he can’t emulate someone else exactly to find out what his own style and strengths are.

***
Little Steve Marriot packed an explosive emotional punch into his voice. I suspect he couldn’t help it. Pay attention to the free flow of emotions on his face, especially the aggressive micro-expressions. For him bliss and aggression were not in opposition. And in his voice he shifts so effortlessly between sweet cooing romance with fuck her hard from behind aggressive passion and full throttle bliss that it’s hard to even notice the changes. This mans strong emotions were his instrument – expressed through his voice and music.

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Does the pine refuse to grow because of forest fires?

Posted by xsplat on October 17, 2014

Once you burn your hand on a stove, you know to avoid doing it again.

We don’t just avoid stoves altogether. We USE them.

Love has it’s seasons. When you are in the beginnings of an infatuation, your mood brightens so much that even colors get richer. Music becomes more meaningful. You are high throughout your day, and even into your sleep. You are more deeply relaxed, and excited at the same time. You are happier, and people around you become happier too.

And then it all turns to crap and you feel like you wake up in the morning to being in the dentist chair.

Does spring go on boycott because of the inevitability of winter? Does the pine hold off on sprouting because it is aware of the implications of being sprouted out of ash? No, the very ecology of the forest relies on fire. Ya, love is temporary. Ya, the forest is going to burn. The forest is on fire, long live the forest!

Do you drink coffee? Smoke? Drink occasionally? Love is a drug. It can be used to improve our quality of life. And it is hands down the BEST drug. There is nothing better. That’s a flat out fact. Love and sex are the ultimate life improvement tools.

Man invented controlled fire. We didn’t see a forest fire and swear it off because it’s dangerous.

My favorite form of fire is a huge face burning spark stuttering bonfire.

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You can’t stamp game knowledge into people with a cookie cutter. We vary greatly.

Posted by xsplat on October 16, 2014

I’m guilty of reading rivelino’s blog without commenting much. I know as a blog writer we sort of get paid for our efforts in the satisfaction of getting comments, so I’ve been short-changing him. He’s a thoughtful and insightful guy, and his twitter feed is cool too.

Lately he’s been thinking about his desire for an all around worthy girl – someone who isn’t a tatted up slut without any future time orientation or sexual self control and who has some brains and drive. He received some advice from Tom Torrero that his desires are founded in wrong thinking, and show a lack of truly swallowing the red pill. Tom thinks Riv suffers from a Madonna/whore complex, and should give up these silly sexual preferences, as they are just childish and stubborn holdovers from naive blue pill ways.

I made these comments on some of his posts:

Men and women both have a wide variety of socio-sexual scores. Some women DO marry as virgins and DO die only having ever had sex with their husband.

In any group of women in any country, there will be a wide variance in the desire for novelty and openness to new sexual experiences.

It’s black and white thinking based on the need to protect the ego from loss to try to correct for an error in thinking that may not be an error at all. Sure, all women should be seen of as a risk for infidelity. We never know. But it’s lying to ourselves in order to inure ourselves from the pain of heartbreak to say that all women will sooner or later fuck some other guy.

Yes, even virgins that a man marries are a risk. But risk is not equal to certainty. If it was we would use a different word.

********

You seem to clearly know what you DO feel.

And isn’t that the question you need an answer to? Or is it what you SHOULD feel, or could train yourself to feel?

It’s natural, normal, healthy and good to want a holistic experience with a woman. Why shouldn’t it be. People do it all the time.

I’m sick of my 18 year old banana brain. She gives great head unprompted, all the time, but you can’t talk to her. And that makes me sick of her.

Of course you have standards. You’re supposed to.

Fucking for fun is fun. So is chocolate. It’s fine to fuck for fun and eat some chocolate. But you want a meal. That’s not a pathology.

That’s evolution too – your forefathers wanted a smart wife, and you wound up being a smart guy. Thank the feeling you have now for your own brains.

******

I think Tom has the wrong attitude about “game” and girls. It’s too cookie cutter.

Men and women have wide variance. We don’t all feel the same things or want the same things.

I, for instance, likely have genes that make me a bit more anxious and prone to novelty seeking, and these have been correlated with an increased libido. So I fuck a few times or more per day, every day, year after year and decade after decade, even now into my late forties. I’ve also been romantically involved with girls since the age of three. Every single year of my life since age three, I’ve had a love interest. So for me oxytocin is a physical and psychological need.

I would never assume that other guys share my needs. I’m biologically and genetically built slightly differently than other people.

There is no cookie cutter approach to a man’s needs.

*******
By the way, if you read this blog by RSS, I should remind you that my writing process is to immediately publish my first drafts, and then to work them over the next few hours. So the posts on the blog and the RSS feed are very different. I would suggest you use RSS only to let you know I have a new post, and to click over to read (and comment) here.

Update: And from a related comment left on Krauser’s recent post where he denounces the natural inclination to form powerful bonds with our women as an error of judgment:

For some, perhaps most people, the oxytocin bonding and love rush are extremely pleasurable, in a long lasting way. Some sustain that feeling of improved mood for 6 months to two years, or even longer.

Oxytocin IS meaning. When people feel an emotional sense of meaning, it is very often directly connected to oxytocin.

It’s perfectly reasonable and pragmatic to go through seasons of love. Do you denounce the value of summer because there is always winter?

This idea that love is an error is itself the error.

Love can be as meaningful and joyful as can an excellent spring and summer. Far more so.

People who take impermanence as a sign of a reason to not enjoy are making a massive error in how to fully enjoy being fully alive and human. Of course love is a temporary madness. So what? Is that some sort of an unmanageable problem? No, it’s not. All the emotions of love can be handled properly, and it can be included properly into a rich, full life.

*******
and:

It is an arrogance that borders on religious zeal to make this assumption that the natural inclination to form strong bonds with our women is fundamentally an error in judgment.

It is not necessarily so. An introspective and skilled man will be able to use the winds of emotions and understand the currents and seasons, and navigate.

Some of you guys talk as if winds are nothing but uncontrollable storms, to be avoided at all costs. Have you no sense of navigation at all?

Humans are born to get MAXIMUM possible pleasure in life through the experiences relating to procreation; sex and love.

It is therefore a no brainer. If you want maximimum happiness, you have to know how to USE these emotions. To navigate.

Love is not an uncontrollable tempest at all. It is a tool.

An adult human male who can not use that tool is not living up to his full potential for happiness.

****
and:

And let’s all stop pretending that we are unaware of the variety of options that we have with women. It’s time to stop pretending that it’s a choice between divorce rape and pump and dump.

Serial and parallel monogamy are not some rare moon meteorites, heard of but never seen. The options are not stark and polar at all. It’s natural and normal and common to have strong romantic attachments that don’t lead to ruin.

Update 2: And another related comment to Riv’s new post:

And yet it is a scientifically verifiable and verified fact that all humans have a socio-sexuality that lies upon a continuum.

That goes for men, as well as women.

Yes, circumstance and even life stages will affect our openness to non-monogamy. But it is as common as morning sunshine for a girl to be relatively locked down. For a while at least.

And in my experience even a girl with a hugely slutty past can become intensely bonded to a guy.

I think some guys are taking on a philosophy that pair bonding is an error. And that philosophy is an error.

I’ve had personal experiences of lasting loving relationships where the girl was relatively locked down, for long periods. With both virgins and sluts. I never thought it was a permanent situation, nor aimed for one, but the data is obvious that for some people lifetime monogamy DOES happen.

Good girls are just bad girls who didn’t get caught? Yes, and also they are just bad girls who didn’t fuck another guy yet. That DOES indisputably happen. For some periods of time it is even to be expected with girls. They are capable of and enjoy being relatively locked down.

****
and:

And keep in mind that I’m also an advocate of mate guarding.

Let’s keep our nuance.

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Pre-rational developmentally impaired testosterone challenged haters are narcissists

Posted by xsplat on September 17, 2014

You can’t argue with manginas or feminists.

And there are very weird brain wiring reasons why arguing with them is futile.
david-futrelle-manboob

People with disorganized personalities, such as the cluster B personality disorder narcissism, quite literally CAN NOT hold any thought which is self-critical. Think about that for a moment. Their brain will not allow certain thoughts to happen.

Developmental psychology is an established field with decades of solid scientific research behind it, that shows us that humans naturally develop through stages of mental maturation. Piaget was one of the first researchers to propose the broad outlines of developmental theory. Research has shown that a large percentage of the population remains throughout adulthood as developmentally impaired; that is they remain pre-rational. Rationality is not an organ of perception that exists to them. They “think” with emotional biases and rationalizations.

mangina

When you combine narcissism and pre-rational thinking, you get argument-by-assertion. This is where reality is considered as nothing more than a social construct, that can be altered by a group gathering together and agreeing what is real or not. For instance to an emotional thinker, a man does not have a real physical object between his legs that is his penis. His penis is entirely created out of nothing more substantial than gossip. “Oh, you drive a red convertible sports car? Then you MUST have a small penis! Ha ha!”

For such people, certain realities literally CAN NOT exist. Their brain will refuse to hold the thoughts. You can try over and over in a thousand different ways to get their brain to visualize a thought, but your best possible reward will be narcissistic rage. More likely will be avoidance through complete retreat. Their brain wiring will NEVER allow certain thoughts to be even briefly visualized.

Argument-by-eye-rolling is the go-to tactic for a hive of narcissists. This is because truth seeking through argument is not considered the point. The point is consensus, so if everybody mutually eye rolls, then the job is done. If you do not automatically join in the eye rolling, then everything you say MUST be wrong. It is pure in-group vs out-group mental construction. There are good people and bad people, good thoughts and bad thoughts. There is no truth that causes feel bads – if there are feel bads then it’s not true. Emotional “logic”. Another go-to emotional “argument” is to slander through associations. It makes NO difference to this type of thinking if such associations have any basis in reality. Remember, the penis is not a measurable object to such people. It is ALL social construct. And so if a guy dates 18 year olds, automatically you will immediately hear about paedophilia. Regardless of what he says and does, it’s time to associate him with paedophilia. Because that works, for these disordered and developmentally impaired brains. That is how they logic.

As examples here are some comments on my last post from the manboobs blog:

“I am going to doubt that any 18 year old girl is really into him. His money might be another story. “

“He’s joking. It’s a fucking satire blog for gods sake. “

I won’t bother mining the rest of the comments for idiocy. It is difficult to find any exception to the rule that manboobs are incapable of imagining ego-threatening ideas, such that an 18 year old girl can maintain a passionate affair with an old man who is consciously skilled in maintaining a sexually charged romantic relationship where he remains dominant and has hand.

I’ve notices that groups of men-going-their-own way are also skewed towards the fat, ugly, and retarded. As are feminists.

It is a type of sexual strategy to discount the competition, and is evolved. Sexual socialism through peer pressure.

But it will never occur to such people that their attempts are impotent. Does the cheerleader care what feminists think about her dating the “misogynist” quarterback? No, real power is not about group consensus. Real power is about real influence. Who is fucking who is as measurable as dick size. And manboobs are not the ones getting the choice action. Man boobs, MGTOW boobs, and feminists are often the socio-sexual discards of this world, and they are discarded for good reason.

I was having a fireside discussion with two Netherlandic women, one aged 46 and fat and ugly, and the other 22 and cute. They were both outraged by the fact that when I choose the age ranges of women I’m searching for on dating sites, I type in from 18-24. The younger one lacked any semblance of emotional or intellectual control, and her outrage brought her into a euphoric ecstasy of hysterical slander. Her first tactic was to reduce the minimum age of who I was looking for, first to 16, and then twelve. My first response to her was to repeat over and over, in a tone at once bored and irritated “why should I care what you think?” When she insinuated that no young women would want me, I mentioned that my two long-term girlfriends are 18 and 25. She assumed that her look of incredulity and outrage was an argument, in and of itself. Whereas once again “why should I care?” In retrospect I should have just given her N18s phone number and told her to talk it out with her. Because my experience is that ALWAYS such women are 100% completely impotent with their rage. I’m sure by now hundreds of women have counselled my various girls to leave me. And all my girls do is to tell me about it, and we both share a chortle.

By the way it was the older woman who had the maturity and insightful introspection to notice that the real reason my choice of women bothered her is because it made her feel insecure about maintaining a companionate relationship. She didn’t want men to be able to have any other options but to stick with their women as they let themselves slide into becoming fat and asexual. The notion of doting hotties to her was deeply disturbing, as was lust based relationships. But for all her insight, she was not capable to make the mental leap of putting herself in a man’s shoes, and imagining that what might work best for him is not in her best interest.

The young girl finally backed off when I mentioned that I had recently broken up with N18, but relented to her begging me to stay. “SHE begged YOU?!”, she incredulated. After a pause, she softened for the first time. “Oh, you must be great in bed”.

“How did you know?”

“It’s the only reason I’d stay with a man like you”. After that she kept mentioning how my alternate lifestyle was “interesting”. Even my sleeping schedule was noted to her to be “interesting”.

When peoples sexual strategies are threatened, in their strong emotion they are prone to thought patterns that are pre-rational and solipsistic. And many people are in a default state of pre-rational narcissism. Such people often get a big kick out of the emotion of outrage, and want a group pity party or group slander. Men and women both do this, on any side of any fence; feminists and MGTOW manboobs, and social conservatives, and social justice warriors.

And this is a reason I very often mention that habits of mind are important to be cautious about. Narcissism is NOT your friend, not even as a seduction aid.

Related from 2003: Not all homo sapiens are human

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How rough sex and mate guarding relate

Posted by xsplat on August 9, 2014

Pimp hand.

It’s been said that you can’t negotiate attraction, and if I’m reading Rollo correctly, he implies that mate guarding also can’t be explicit. One is meant to just get it and be the best option and cause dread and maintain sexual tension, thereby the woman will behave.

But that strategy is not usually optimal.

Mate guarding can be just another display of dominance. And just another facet of paternal love.

Society as a whole remains agnostic as to the value of judiciously spanking recalcitrant children. We remain agnostic because at a fundamental level we realize that the parents have the right to choose. Their children are THEIR children. They literally belong to them.

Much of sexual love is an add on and re-working of mammalian Daddy/daughter love, and also mother/son love. Men who want to retain sexual tension in the long term must keep the relationship as Daddy/daughter.

You have a right to punish, if she accepts that you have the right to punish.

1) Laying ownership claims is brute force sexy. Women at a fundamental level understand that while they will always struggle to be a free agent, that when properly owned she can be an entirely different kind of person. A deeply sexually charged, constantly submissive and sexually engaged, better woman. A woman with direction.

2) Even though fancy boys may turn on your attention whore, and even though she is prone to temptation, just the very fact that you lay down the law is a big button – it can in the end work better than a pretty face.

3) Children and women need boundaries. They will test and act out to the limit of those boundaries. Some children respond well to a gentle word. Some wind up in juvie despite every best effort. Some pimps and parents reward and discipline purely psychologically, while others get physical. Some children learn and behave well under gentle conditions of subtle hints and direction, others have stubborn negative habits that require more forceful re-direction.

A woman who is owned is a very different creature from one who considers herself a strong independent woman.

An owned woman will give you her all, just for the opportunity to remain owned.

It is an error to think that if the man is in such a weak position that he must mate guard, that he has already lost. It is simply part of the job description of being a man. If you do your job properly, sooner or later you must discipline your daughter. That is not a position of weakness, it’s a position of authority.

I’m in Bali now with N18, a 32 year old ex who I met when she was 23 who is now a long term companion/worker, and a potential new intern/partner. We were out clubbing and N18 started to get jealous of the attention that the older woman was getting. We share an easy sympatico, naturally. So she started to act out a bit and attention whore on the stage and the dance floor. I’d had a lot to drink, and so by the time we got home my emotions were unrestrained. I called her out on her behaviour, and was not gentle. As usual I was awoken with blowjobs and the day was filled with constant attentive behavior. Plus. This is not a reaction out of fear, it is a pure bonding reaction.

You don’t own it if you don’t claim it.

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How to negotiate desire with a woman.

Posted by xsplat on July 28, 2014

Women process information differently, so a man can not be direct.

You can’t tell a woman “I need you to be supportive now so that I can be at my best to win over these clients.” Because her emotional processing will tell her that she has hand over you, and as soon as she has hand she loses primal motivation to suck up to you.

You have to make it seem like it was her idea.

You tell her the same message, but in the same way women communicate messages to each other.

Indirectly.

You let her know that you are about to close a new business deal. Imply at first that you won’t have time for her while you do this. Let the room feel your vibe that you know that your improved status is going to put you into improved social situations.

Just as she’s feeling the dread that you are not going to need her anymore, cut her in. Assume her support, as if it’s an afterthought.

“You are going to have to pick him up at the airport.”

You’ve just communicated the exact same message, but in a way that moves emotions rhetorically.

Persuasion requires understanding the mind of the listener. It will change for every person you talk to. Sometimes you use the hard sell, sometimes you tersely tell the facts, some times you don’t sell at all, and all do is casually converse.

Women have different minds than men do, and so persuasion with women requires building years of interaction in order to build up useful theories of mind. You can’t just tell them what you want.

But it is a negotiation.

If you force a smile, you force an improved mood. If you put a woman into a red party dress and have her hold your elbow, you change her attitude towards you.

It IS a negotiation.

It’s just a set of rules that are not innately known to men.

Women operate at an initial relationship advantage, if they are hot. A hottie virgin can tool an old man, purely out of instinct. But once you learn the language, you get the advantage. Because you can apply male intellect to the game.

You have to negotiate your position such that she wants what you are selling, and thinks it’s in her best interest to buy it.

And limiting her options is also a very useful sales tactic. Tactics for that are broad, and very rarely discussed, outside of talking about social conservative rules of appropriate upright conduct. I think it’s more effective to realistically limit her options, not to pretend that some fantasy “society” exists that can limit them, if only you could inform “society” of how important it was to do so.

If you are a woman’s best option, her emotions will follow. That is a negotiation. I’m not talking about a narcissistic false front of appearance, and I’m not only talking about spinning facts into a believable slanted narrative. It’s every possible move you can make; going to the gym, conversation and sexual skills, constraining her flirting, push and pull, selling a real dream of giving her a financial future, keeping her addicted emotionally on every level you can, and whatever other tricks you have and can learn.

Sometimes you can even spell it out, and explain exactly what you are doing, and explain why other men don’t get her hot. Pulling back the curtain won’t stop the magic.

But it’s still a negotiation, and fundamentally you are in sales. You work on your product, your presentation, and your emotional connection to the buyer.

For women, that connection requires that she looks up to you, and that any neediness shown is doled out in careful calculated doses; just enough to assuage her need for security.

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How the fighting spirit makes a routine out of turning loss into gain

Posted by xsplat on July 20, 2014

It’s not only necessity that mothers invention. It’s also loss.

Emotions are tricky to work through. You need to acknowledge them and that leads to some down time. But it’s not only that you can’t keep a good man down. It’s that the challenges make the man. Literally.

Challenges create opportunities.

It’s the defeats and the losses and the setbacks that directly lead to the biggest long term wins. I’m not trying to talk in metaphors or inspirations. That’s how the world actually works.

I’m going through some relationship restructuring with one of my girls. Her figure compels me to fuck her and maintain her attraction for me, by all means necessary. I’ve developed some skills, so she remains addicted, and views me still as the strongest interest. For now. But it will fall apart.

Because of a cultivated fighting spirit and constantly seeking to realistically better my position, I have developed skillfull, insightful, outside the box ways to do better.

In fact my plan is to impregnate five super hot model teenage girls of my exact body preferences. And have them all be very smart. And in love with me.

I found out today that my number one main man apprentice, adopted son, best friend and business partner will be moving on to apprentice with another charismatic and wise mentor. It’s a serious and heartbreaking loss. Of course I’ll miss the guy. People are not fungible; a steak sandwich can’t replace poached salmon. An apple can’t replace an orange. There is only one of him, and that one won’t be replaced.

But because he was so valuable, there is a noticed need. And because now I am stronger and wiser and more adept and have better connections, I’m in a better place to fill the broad need.

Partly because of my number one, the income here has increased. I’ve also been working on my own projects. If I were to count chickens from eggs (and I’ve been wrong every time I’ve done that), I would count that within two months income will increase by at least 50k per month. And I have a realistic goal of making 1/2 million per month within a year, if not within six months.

So instead of cutting in interns at the ground floor, this will open up other options of enticing the best and the brightest using traditional means of mere salary. I’m going to pay locals a very good rate, and will even look to recruit the best and the brightest westerners. Using dollar figures, instead of a piece of the future.

I’m not going to detail my plans for getting the teen-up-to-21 agers in love and impregnated. But I’m not only confident I can do it, I KNOW I can do it. The hottest and smartest and most capable mothers and companions. Just getting one for an old ugly man most would consider impossible. I know how I’m going to get five. And in the process of getting them I might fuck dozens or scores.

It’s the loss that leads to this. Comfort is great, but it doesn’t drive you.

Loss is a really good friend.

Posted in Uncategorized | 15 Comments »

I’m not obligated to love you.

Posted by xsplat on July 14, 2014

I’ve fallen into the trap before of spending time with women out of obligation. Taking care of their emotional security needs out of obligation.

I don’t do that any more. Because I don’t have to.

An abundance mentality is only a catch22 if you are trying to feel and believe something that does not exist in order to have an effect. Step one then step two. Step one, maximize your position and have genuine options; have other girls and be able to develop a new pipeline. Step one might take decades of personal and business work and moving around the globe, or it might be a matter of a few small changes.

I don’t do mentalities. I don’t create and re-create narratives in my head in order to maximize my mood. I do reality. I create realities in order to maximize my position.

Men and women change their strategies according to their options. When you REALLY have options, it’s not about mentality. It’s about making choices.

And I don’t want to make the poor choices I used to, of being with women out of obligation to “the relationship”.

After a poor date with my N18 I found myself greatly irritated and snapped out these offline messages to her as she was walking back home:

Hi­

It seems you can’t get over the fact that I don’t want to live with you.

Ya, you should probably one way or another adjust.

Because I’m not going to love you more just because you want me to. I will only spend time with you if I WANT to.

Not because I lived with other girls in the past.

You don’t get to spend time with me because “now it’s your turn”.

I have to actually WANT to be with you. That’s all. That’s it. Finished and end of story.

If we aren’t spending more time with each other it’s because I don’t want to.

You can’t make me want to be with you more by crying or begging or making a fuss every time I leave your apartment or ask you to go home.

Frankly a LOT of the time you are a very annoying girl.

Really.

If you were less annoying I’d WANT to be with you more.

It’s pretty simple.

I’ve tried 1000 times over and over to correct your annoying behaviour, but you don’t learn fast or try hard.

I STILL have to repeat myself many times to say anything at all to you.

You STILL mumble all the time, and I can’t hear what you are saying. That’s really annoying.

Basically it’s impossible to talk to you at all.

And you don’t act like a faithful number one, but you still want all the privileges of one. As if I owed it to you.

The only way I’ll WANT to spend time with you, is if I enjoy it.

That’s IT. Not because YOU want it.

And a lot of the time, a really big percentage of the time, you are not enjoyable to be around.

Very negative.

Uncommunicative.

Always lying.

Bad temper.

Talking in a rude voice.

And just in so many ways really a very annoying human being.

If I ever loved some other girl more or treated some other girls differently you should ask yourself why.

And look to yourself.

And don’t just expect the same treatment for different behaviour.

50% of humans have a vagina.

Yours is not made of gold, and won’t automatically make me live with you.

You don’t even come at all.

Your blowjobs are great, but come on. You don’t even come.

And I’m not sure I’ve ever seen you let go into experiencing strong bliss.

So I think I give you plenty of time and attention, considering. And I”ve given you the best opportunity for a future I know how to give you.

If you are waiting to marry me then you should adjust your expectations.

It’s not going to happen.

I’ve been irritable all morning just thinking about the relationship.

I see the writings of many men who feel unlovable. On therationalmale an ugly commenter explains how ugly people have no hope with attractive women. It’s not only his personal experience, but he makes some sound arguments why it’s out of his control.

And N18 does the same bullshit about her personality. She says it’s out of her control and all the fault of her parents and circumstance.

Being loveable is a skill.

People with little experience of being loved want and perhaps even NEED to downplay that fact.

Being loveable is a skill.

Nobody deserves love. We are not newborn babies and I’m not some mothers nipple. We earn it, through our actions.

By adding value. By being happy and sharing happiness. By feeling content and sharing contentedness. By adding value in every possible way that our lover can appreciate.

You can’t ask someone to love you. You can’t expect someone to love you.

If he enjoys being around you and if you make him happy, the emotions will follow.

Guys have the same issue. People walk around with negativity as their default mode of being. They are not happy people. They are not finding girls who love them, because…

They are not loveable people!

Being loveable is a skill. It might take years to learn it. It might take enormous personal and business and location development. You don’t deserve it, and it IS under your control.

I’ve noticed before that when I spend a lot of time mulling angrily over some girls behaviour it’s mostly my fault. For not being with a better girl. And this morning I’m really irritated and cranky.

Obviously N18 isn’t all bad or I wouldn’t keep seeing her. But people get put into the place that they earned. Nobody gets to assume a monogamous relationship as the #1 girl, anymore than a mail clerk gets to assume he should be CEO.

Whatever love you are getting right now? That’s what you’ve earned. Don’t blame the bitches. Look in the mirror.

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Life is not a hedonic treadmill, it is a strategic war for fullfillment, happiness, bliss and contentment.

Posted by xsplat on July 9, 2014

the judge said: There are times when I feel nostalgic for a life I never lived but wanted to where I fell in love and had the high school love that frankly was impossible for my high school self and want to make the decision to attach myself to someone and affect that persons life for the sake of it but then I read testimonials like this.

This all seems..exhausting.

Risk/reward.

There are four basic categories of ways to increase happiness and avoid suffering

1) influence and change external situations
2) mind training
3) pharmaceuticals, supplements, diet and hormones
4) fitness

Within the category of mind training is a sub-category of philosophy, which includes internal narratives.

Your narrative seems to be that high reward is not worth high risk.

For the last several years I’ve been mostly pretty happy. Happy enough that it seemed noteworthy to me, and I’ve been trying to systematize how to create and maintain this happiness. For me a lot of this happiness involves relationships and sex and money. And chi-kung.

My narrative tells me that it’s not enough to just lower expectations and accept things as they are. That would be working solely on mind-training. That had not worked by itself for me – the external situations are hugely influential, no matter how much our philosophies tell us that they SHOULD not be.

Philosophy is useless in the dentist chair.

The external situations have huge effects.

I find that when things are well set up, I am learning and growing and enjoying and can not only be warm and content but have times of bliss and even extreme bliss.

But I can’t have that without risk.

The rewards that I’ve been personally experiencing are profoundly important to me.

I’m getting back on track to that bliss and wellbeing even now.

The down and difficult times are simply part of the process.

Buddhists have a conceptions of “samsara”, which is the fact that situations are interdependent and cause and effect is constantly causing flux and changes. Since happiness IS relative to external situations, happiness within “samsara” changes. The Buddhist “solution” to this is to try to detach from being affected by external situations through mind training.

It doesn’t work. Mind training is so helpful that I consider it essential to the good life, however as a philosophy of happiness it doesn’t work.

You need the externals. For me I need love in my life, to be at my best. That’s a fact.

Being happy is a strategic war. It’s not a series of battles, it’s a full out strategic war. You must plan, craft, put in the work, and win. Happiness is largely due to circumstance, and affecting circumstance is a life long strategic process.

As is mind and body training.

When people talk of the “hedonic treadmill”, mostly they are just making excuses for not wanting to try hard.

The concept of a hedonic treadmill is one of those dangerous partial truths. It’s just accurate enough to be dangerously wrong. The wider territory is that we can HUGELY affect our own happiness, and that happiness can grow and grow over time, with mind training and circumstance improvement. You can deliberately create and maintain not only an ongoing feeling of contentment, but even move into times of great happiness and bliss, and even extreme blisses.

That is not done on the couch thinking about “is it worth it?”

It’s done through Pavlovian training, one small step at a time. Giving yourself rewards and learning to feel and amplify those rewards for behaviors that you have chosen to use to win your war. Feel the happiness for the dollar earned. Feel the contentment for love you generate. Feel the pride for the music you make. And so on.

Rather than deaden these feelings so as to never feel loss, you feel them, and accept that samsara is the game. Use samsara. Use the fact of interdependent cause and effect to your advantage. Don’t detach from life. Evolution gave your fore-bearers attachments just so that you could have the opportunity to use them. Pleasure and suffering are foundational tools without which we could not win. Use your attachments as tools to win the war.

Life without love is losing at life.

To win any war you have to plan for the losses. You can’t avoid battles in order win. Heartbreak in life is a sign that you are out there fighting properly.

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