Always insightful commentor Renfrew wrote:
Lastly, there is a whole conversation to be had, X, around the sense you express at the end of this post (which you’ve expressed before, over many years), that if the girl would just give you what you want and play things cool, that’s in her interest because then she’d get the absolute best out of you. I’ve had this feeling many times myself, so I get it completely. But I have lately wondered sometimes if it’s flawed…. or partial.
My teenage virgin hyper sexual beauty queen science major playwright faithful devoted love slave of the future disagrees with you.
Sure, Unicorns aren’t real. What difference does it make? I still want a unicorn. Better yet twins. I could handle twins.
Competing interests means that relationships by nature are inherently flawed and partial. There is no conception or accurate mental map of a healthy working relationship where everyones needs are largely met in an ongoing way, because that situation does not happen to human beings.
We want from others what they can not provide out of their own free will and desire, long term. And we resent the impositions of the wants of others.
That’s the world we are incarnated into, choicelessly.
A major theme of my post is that emotional needs don’t create reality. People in love can rarely grasp the hard truth that no love has ever overcome the fact that love is, by nature, an opposition of interests – not a mutual melding of interests.
In other words, there is no such thing as compromise. Only codependent self denial and deliberate willful ignorance of same.
Reading the wikipedia page on codependence did not enlighten me much, as the concept is still ill defined and contentious. I think it could be a useful term if thought of as lack of clarity with identity and social boundary issues, and ongoing attempts at creating harmony and approval while losing track of and diminishing the importance of ones own desires.
Every married guy who explains that he actually does not want to fuck the hot teenagers is nothing but an expert lier, completely lost from any identity he ever had. Subsumed into the borg, thinking that he is, in fact, the borg.
An alpha is merely a guy who has an identity. A beta is merely a guy who thinks of fitting in and doing his duty for sake of family and society. He does not have an identity – he has a borg.
It’s neither right nor wrong to be codependant, or beta. Perhaps the social conservatives (betas each and every one) are correct when they say that society relies on them to function.
For better or worse, I have an identity, and that makes long term monogamy impossible for me.
But I’m not sure it’s fair to say that any married guy who says he doesn’t want to fuck a hot teenager is either a lier or a self-alienated beta. There may be a few more possibilities there than just those two!
Nope, it really is that simple.
Put a hot young teenager into the same bed as a guy who claims he does not want to have sex with hot young teenagers.
Either he will want to fuck her, or he has ailments.
Deep rooted guilt and a complete loss of individuality, or impotence, are the only reasons for a lack of DESIRE for what is inherently desirable.
If someone told me they don’t desire food, I’d call bullshit. It’s physically impossible.
Not wanting to fuck hot teenage girls is simply physically impossible.
I mean yes, seeing them on the street might not get a stiffy, but to extrapolate out of that they they don’t want it is going too far.
Any man on a desert island for a while with a sexy and pleasant horny teenager will not only want to fuck her, he’ll quickly develop an infatuation.
I really do think it’s that black and white.
And it’s pure fantasy with the sole purpose of walking on social eggshells for a man to think otherwise of himself. His identity is lost to himself, and he is God Fearing and deluded. A communist, basically.
People in jail too long become “institutionalized”. They get so used to jail that they can’t cope with freedom. Married guys self-identify with their own jail cells. They become institutionalized, and no longer know what freedom even means.
But desire is pre-social. It doesn’t go away, and opportunity would disclose it.
The porn industry caters to the exact men who claim to not be attracted to the girls they fap to.