From this thread:

Yes, if you read my post carefully, you’ll see that I took pains, many times, to say that fucking other girls lowers grief and speeds up the grieving process.

So ya, you seem to want to make this black and white and then argue against a straw man.

However there are still areas in which we disagree, and I thought I was clear about them in the post. I don’t think you can sidestep the disagreements with semantics.

Your semantic argument is that on the continuum of amplitudes of grief, the lower levels are so qualitatively different as to merit a different mental category, and therefore different word.

You then take that as the jumping off point to leap to saying that low level grief is unimportant of any consideration.

So with semantics (deciding what words mean what) you hand-wave away the fundamental issue that I’m addressing, which is:

Grief is relative to
1) the strength of the relationship bond
2) how unique the girl is to your life

You are arguing that no girl can be unique to your life.

I made quite the bold prediction. I said

Also, if you have not yet experienced grief with a girl, or not yet while you also are fucking other girls, don’t get too cocky. You will. Sooner or later, you will.

Strangely enough you replied

No you are wrong. I experienced grief.

Which again shows that you are not reading for comprehension. Must be an emotional issue for you.

I never said you have never experienced grief.

I’m not sure how many re-reads it would take to understand what I said. I won’t bother to copy the same sentence over and over, but will trust you can this time read for comprehension.

Now that we know that you have experienced grief before, it gives me more confidence in my prediction. Sooner or later you will experience grief over losing a girl, even though you are still fucking (or can easily find and fuck) other girls.

The reason I can state this with some confidence is because:
Grief is relative to
1) the strength of the relationship bond
2) how unique the girl is to your life

Sooner or later you’ll date a girl who is hotter and funnier and younger and more into you than other girls. You’ll have stronger emotions for her. If you fuck her quite often, you’ll be more bonded to her than other girls.

You’ll quickly realize that your emotions are not broadcast homogeneously onto all females, but that you have unique relationships with individuals. You’ll feel loss for a specific girl, even though you still have other girls. Because they aren’t the same girl, and they are not the same relationship.

How long have you been spinning plates, and how often do you fuck the girls that you date?

I suspect it’s only been a few years, and that there is no girl that you fuck all that often in the time that you’ve been dating around. Or that if there was, you weren’t really all that into her.

There is a reason I’m taking pains to make this point. Your life will go better for you if you accept the reality of who you are and how your mind and emotions work.

If you truly don’t want grief, then you’ll need to do more to avoid it than simply having many women in your life. You’ll need to avoid:
1) growing strong relationship bonds
2) girls who are unique to your life

The mind and emotions have some broad cause and effect rules. Drop a ball and it falls, every time. Lose a unique bond to a loved one, and you’ll feel (some level) of grief, every time.

The other reason that your life will go better if you realize this inevitable cause and effect nature of how your mind was evolved to work, is that your relationship to emotions will have a subtle seismic shift, and you’ll approach your own emotions at a different angle.

You’ll come to see emotions not as something to dominate, but as something to co-operate with.

You seem to want to have so much control over your life that you can avoid grief altogether.

That’s almost nonsensical. The mind just doesn’t work like that. We EXPERIENCE emotions, much more than we create them. We are in partnership with the part of mind that emotes, and there is no meditative or life crafting technology that enables ANYONE to CONTROL emotions.

That’s actually quite important to not only realize, but to incorporate into your personal relationship with your self.

If you begin to learn how to make friends with your many subconscious processes, you’ll empower those processes to speak to you directly and in a friendly fashion. There is incredible power in your mind, and it is a beautiful lifetimes work to integrate the mind to allow these powers out. The parts of your mind that have vivid creative dreams can speak to you and surprise you while you are awake.

But if you continue to take this adversarial stance against these parts of your mind, and continue to enthrone the seat of your “self” in a fixed position in a very tiny little corner of your mind, which is your conscious narrative, then you’ll not begin to unlock your full creative, insightful, massively multi-parallel processing systems.

If you want to CONTROL your emotions, you want to shut up and turn off and segment amazing and useful parts of your self.

It’s much more pragmatic to make friends with them. Consider your mind as if it were a group of people, each with specific talents. As with any group, there must be a fine balance between co-ordination and free-flowing contribution. You can’t maximize group progress with a heavy handed dictatorial relationship. It falls apart and does not work.

All of us have experienced being overwhelmed by emotions. A sign of a kindergarten rank-beginner level of driving ones own mind is being so fearful of wallowing that a fight or flight level reaction of shutting down happens. Repression.

You don’t have to gas your inner Kurds, and you don’t have to run a strong man government.

You can mature and let emotions happen, even strongly, without risk of wallowing or being unduly incapacitated. It’s a matter of developing circuits of amplification, repression, and feeding the circuits into many different parts of the mind, including the neocortex. Emotional regulation has actually been studied at the level of seeing neuronal circuits, and there is a physical feedback loop between the amygdala and frontal cortex.

Those circuits will forever remain at kindergarten level until you go through the painful process of building them, and you start by feeling into what is there.

Minor grief is one among endless opportunities to shift the seat of self away from the frontal cortex and into the connections between the different mind modules.

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