Last night I watched the biography of Heath Ledger.
Heath apparently was a very talented and smart guy who generally navigated towards a successful and happy life. One standout part of his life was how he magnetized and fostered strong and lifelong friendships with a vast number of people. The people seemed high quality, open hearted, good people.
My Dad was a great influence on my personality, and I suppose the number two influence was my mentor in my early twenties. Both are very social, cheerful, positive and open hearted people. I’m far more introverted, and envy their social circles. My social talents usually focus on one-to-one relationships with the women in my life. However the style is similar to my Dad and mentor; I like to make people feel good, and can at times be seductive and magnetic and fun.
However I’ve recently come to realize that I’m more fragile than I knew. In this world we have narcissists, sociopaths, people with BPD and other personality disorders. Narcissists are not healthy to be around. When insecure or triggered they prefer if those around them are miserable, and so can’t relax until they provoke negative expressions and even outbursts of rage.
Sociopaths can put on a face and all the time be plotting to steal from you and ruin you completely.
Some of us have an artistic temperament, and have emotions integrated strongly with our lives; we can feel deeply, and prefer to. These types of people are easier prey for emotional vampires, because we have emotions that can be manipulated. Our empathy and desire for communion can be weaponized against us.
Some months ago I was victimized horribly by some sociopaths. One of them is truly insane, and continues to try to persecute me. A former employee. Three of my last four main squeezes are fundamentally fucked up people. I don’t want to wine; largely I think I had managed to craft a decent and joyful life with them around, and they had a lot to offer and did give a lot.
But I could never have a Heath Ledger lifestyle with them; communication was deeply flawed.
I had a several months long depression not long ago influenced by sociopaths, and was going out of my mind when limited to hanging with two female nut-jobs.
There are some EXTREMELY hazardous memes being accepted by impressionable men of all ages in the manosphere, and one of them is that attraction is a given, and that if you don’t immediately have it then move on to someone who is attracted to you.
That’s not my experience at all, and I can state with authority that this is a defeatist meme.
With M our chemistry was initially quite poor. It took about two years for our sexual chemistry to reach potential. At our peak it was extremely good.
I’ve been dating my V for a few years now, and I’ve always liked her. Which is a relief and a great change. I actually like her. I’ve written here many times that our chemistry wasn’t as strong as with other girls. Some of that might be because her body type doesn’t match some of my fetishes.
But that’s changed.
Chemistry, SEXUAL chemistry, can grow, for both men and women.
I haven’t had a girl I had chemistry with who I actually liked since my dead Kiki. Six or seven years ago. And before that it was a six week fling four years previous.
Of course I always knew it was a problem, and wanted to improve things. I figured much of what was going on was a simple trade off of youth and beauty for brains and personality. I liked the bargain, overall.
But now I see a big contrast. V and I are simply kind to each other. Both cheerful, by constitution. Even when irritable, both of us slow down and choose kind words. Not once has she ever put me into the role of being her enemy. Not even when broken hearted. In my experience, unfortunately, that’s quite rare. It’s the way it should be.
Just simple, easy going, kindness and appreciation. And a slowly growing sexual chemistry.
Two years ago I had some interns out here, and we also had quality chemistry. Really fun guys to be around. Mutual respect was a simple given. One of the interns invited out three of his friends from the UK, with the idea to test the waters of a mutual interest to work together. I was quite impressed – almost shocked – at the bro-bonds those guys shared. They grew up together, and it was amazing to see how well they got along. They were almost like lovers. Maybe that’s not a good analogy as so many relationships are fraught with drama and dissatisfaction. They really liked each other, and clearly loved each other too.
The broken people in my life were not 100% broken. It’s troubling and sad that they were and are permanently deficient. They can’t have strong healthy relationships with their girlfriends, or me, or anyone.
Some people seem to be able to just drop associations and get new ones. I wish I had the endless social connections to be so choosy. Other people seem to meet people all the time and easily form friendships. I’m glad that through my business I at least got a taste for some healthy bro bonds, and I’m very appreciative to again have a healthy relationship with someone that I respect.
My mental health is much improved.
I like being open around open cheerful people who have each others backs. In Canada I think we take that kind of thing for granted – we’re a laid back people, and put a strong emphasis on trustworthiness and self awareness.
I’m writing this for myself. Probably others will also have similar experiences, and will like to see someone else going through the same human condition.