Another reader just doesn’t get the concept of “theory of mind”.  My recent posts about there being drastically different mental types flew over his head, and all he could think about was “ego”.

I read your original post. As you must know ‘Have you eaten?’ is a pretty common greeting in Malaysia and Indonesia. It is just a form politeness and manners in those cultures. You need to get over yourself fella. By the way what exactly has your huge intellect produced? If it is as big as you ego it must be a sensational corpus of work.

Ya, no kidding. It’s said instead of “what’s up”, or hello. But some people start at that level of banality and leave it at that, with nothing more to say.

Yes, I’m cantankerous and irritable. And for good reasons. I haven’t had a decent conversation with an interesting person in ages. It’s making me nuts.

A guy can’t be expected to hang around with idiots and maintain his composure forever. Yes, sooner or later he will snap. It’s perfectly normal.

By the way, have you eaten?

How’s the weather over there?

What do you think about our sports team lately? Go sports team!

Some people are easy going about such banalities. I’m usually easy going also. But fill up my WHOLE life with banality and I’m going to fucking snap.

And I’m not the first person to point out that there are well defined and well studied personality archetypes that fucking hate these banalities.

We really dislike them.

I’m accurately reporting my personal experience. I’ve read about studies about people with similar experiences. Do I have a gigantic ego for disliking banalities?

What difference does it make. Why aren’t you the least bit curious to learn that in order to interact harmoniously with people, you’ll have to expect that some of them will be just like me. And HATE banal talk, including all talk of sports teams. There are people like me who are constantly having thoughts that are interesting to them running through their minds.

We exist. Big ego or not, we exist. Accomplished or not, intelligent or not – this is how we think. It’s genuinely and truly very different than average.

If that’s insulting to you then whatever.

Get over yourself for expecting me to get over banalities! People vary widely. A lot of us really really really dislike these pointless banalities.

It’s not in the least bit uncommon. You could google it and find article after article about people like this.

Some people use conversation and information fundamentally differently. We don’t use it for polite hi-how-do-you do’s. We just don’t. We hate that. We always will hate it.

We use conversation to transmit interesting information.

Have you eaten?

Every single day of all my life, even as a kid, has been deeply mentally engaging.

Does that give me a big ego? WHO CARES how big my ego is? What does that have to do with the price of beans in Africa? There are a minority of people like me, who have highly active mental lives that never stop. We are deeply intensely curious, forever exploring, pushing boundaries, inventing. Whether we are good at what we do, or accomplish anything, or entertain anyone has nothing to do with nothing. It’s how OUR brains work. If you meet someone like me, you can’t change that by telling me to get over myself. I’ll still be thinking about something far more interesting to me than:

Have you eaten? Looks like rain. What’s your favorite football team?

It’s an imposition on my awareness to ask me these things. It’s stealing my awareness, stealing my precious brain cycles. I’m busy! If you are going to force yourself on my awareness, add value! Be interesting!

Lots of people do.

Those people are usually similar to me. I’m not unique. There are lots of people like me.

Maybe now that I’ve educated you, you’ll know who you are meeting when you meet someone like me. And won’t be so arrogant as to assume that you understand what they value, how they think, an how they SHOULD think.

Really. It’s just fucking rude to go around asking random strangers who their favorite football team is. Taxi drivers in Thailand do that all the time. What an arrogant and ignorant assumption, that I give a flying fuck. Did it not cross your mind that I might be thinking about something FAR more interesting? Puzzling over something really entertaining and engaging? That you are stealing from me my attention from a more valuable task in order to bother me with trying to connect about something that I not only don’t care about, but actively dislike caring about?

It’s mental theft. You are hijacking my CPU to mine your bitcoins. Assuming that I’m not using it for anything valuable to me at the moment. CPU cycles have value.

It’s to be expected that people who are not in the habit of being mentally engaged will have no theory of mind about those who are. It will never cross your minds that someone just sitting there could be “busy”.

We don’t have to prove to you that our thoughts are valuable to us to have them be valuable to us. We ARE busy.

Sometimes I’m busy relaxing my mind into sensations, as an open eyed meditation. Silently expanding beyond thought into as much of the present moment as possible. Even that is WAY more engaging than “Have you eaten.” I’ll be in a taxi and the girl will try to fill up the airwaves with noise in order to engage. But she will have no concept about being interesting. You can’t just be banal and expect everyone to play along and enjoy the engagement. People like me will resent your imposition. Be interesting or shut up!

It’s really not all that complicated. Not everyone suffers fools gladly.

And as for what I’ve produced, well, this blog is something. A lot of people have told me that it’s been a huge influence and that they value it a lot. It’s very valuable to me. And that’s just the blog. My mind produces endlessly. People have given me way over the top compliments about what my mind produces.  Online and in real life the word genius has been used thousands of times. But that’s not a compliment, it’s a description. The over the top stuff is that I’ve heard many times from many different people that “just knowing that someone like you exists at all changed my life”.  That’s not my ego.  That’s other people talking to me.

YOU don’t have to appreciate the weird shit that goes on in my head. Lots of other people do.  *I* do.

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