Studies have been done that show that emotions play a crucial role in our decision making process.  The studies don’t show that emotions get in the way of rational thinking, but that rational thinking is not possible and can’t happen without emotions.

I was watching a documentary on brain studies last night that explained that, so don’t have a handy link to back up the info.

People have different thinking styles and personality styles. Who and how I am is profoundly visionary.  What I am is to the core visionary.  In every possible way I try to build up visions for what the world is, and then create new realities of what the world could be.

On the last day that I saw Mat I offered him some shrooms, in the hope that a shared trip would be a way to bond.  During that trip I tried to explain the core fundamental cares in my life.  I talked about how I get immense pleasure from bonding with and controlling my girls.  I mentioned chi-kung and my music.  And then I tried to talk about how I am a visionary, and that this way of thinking and being is different from how most other people live and organize their lives.

I don’t think the shrooms helped us to bond that day, and as usual I talked too much and was a poor listener.  The rest of the day my stomach hurt a lot and all the shrooms seemed to do was to give me a mild case of the Alzheimers.  During that beach walk I doubt I was able to express what I dearly wanted to express.

As a businessman I must create an intricate vision.  This is no small thing.  Most people are constitutionally incapable of holding so many pieces of information in their minds at once.  Thinking is not only fundamentally an emotional event, it’s also fundamentally creative.  You create associations between ideas and images and words and abstractions that had never yet been associated.

So as a businessman I MUST and do get intensely emotionally involved with my business, and my vision.  My business is HUGELY important to me.  It is not only what I do, but who I am.

I am not on the sidelines having an out of body experience when I fuck my girls.  I am embodied, and I am.  I AM fucking that girl.


There is no separation between me and the fucking.

There is no separation between me and the life that I create around myself.

I AM my businesses.

I AM a visionary, and I do create my world, to the maximum that is possible.  I can’t re-write physics, but within whatever limits I must work with, I will have maximum impact on this world.

Some people occasionally say things like “don’t worry about it”.  That’s a fundamentally ignorant stance.  That’s like telling someone who’s father just died not to grieve.  People grieve, and there is no way around it.

A businessman is invested emotionally in his business.  It is not a hobby. It’s his life.  It’s his being – who and how and what he is.


So I’ve been borderline depressed lately.  Several of my plans rely on a good western writer, and I don’t have one anymore, so that throws my business affairs into disarray.  Financially I’m doing fine, and this will give me a chance to regroup and come back better prepared and stronger, however my plan of attack at this point was to bring all resources to attack at once, with exact just in time timing.  The tech market changes fast, and I don’t feel that I have the luxury of patience; I must act immediately in all things.  Even when that means stretching my resources up to and past their limit, relying on future earnings to hire people now.  It’s working by the way.  Some new staff out earned their salaries by an order of magnitude, and that’s not counting all the projects that are still under R&D but are close to fruition.

As I haven’t reconfigured my business vision, I’m still emotionally discombobulated.  Depressed would be an accurate word.  A buddy from Jakarta saw my post and gave me a ring, which was quite thoughtful.  Little touches like that can make a difference.  And my girls have been an immense comfort.

I have been seeing a new one these last few days.  I spent a few days online and after contacting hundreds of girls managed to get one date.  I had to fly her out from across the country, but she’s been a great sport.  Fucking her up the ass and calling her a bitch and whore while she comes and comes on my cock is a great mood lifter.  “Good bitch!”  God I love a woman who knows how to fuck.  None of this “don’t insult me” nonsense.

She tries to call me honey, but corrects herself and calls me Daddy more often.

Life can be so simple that way.  Just meet, and 30 minutes later be naked, and 30 minutes later again be fucking.  Immediately fall into the boyfriend girlfriend routine.  Teach her to be submissive.  Treat like a queen sometimes and a little whore slut at others.  Simple.  Like putting on a glove for the first time – of course it fits.  Why wouldn’t it?

She wants my babies.  I wouldn’t mind, really.  Babies are cheap enough out here.  I’m starting to think about just haphazardly knocking up lots of girls.

She’s 26 and has a great body.  For a 26 year old.  I’ve been spoiled by dating teenagers.  I’m going to keep looking for new teenagers.  God I love teenagers.