I’ve been sidetracked lately from ambition, and it’s an interesting contrast.  Every evening I head to the beach, have a few beers, then cruise around and sometimes chat up girls.

And then just this morning I had a dream.  My brother invited me out to party.  I went to meet him in a large back alley.  His two friends were there, laying in the street like bums, but he was 10 meters away laying down in the street by himself.  When I approached him to say hi, I saw that he had been huffing some solvent like material, literally “black tar”, and his face was covered in it, making it a filthy shiny black.  In the dream I was close to gagging from disgust.

When I woke up I realized that huffing solvent and black tar were mixed up ideas about heroin, and that the dream was about addiction.  My bro wanted to “party”, but he was not happy.  He was an addicted mess, lying in the gutter.

For some reason I don’t understand,my Chron’s disease is in remission, and I can drink beer every night without causing a flare up.  I’ve had times where two nights drinking would ruin me for over a week.  I’ve been drinking a few plus few beers every night, and neglecting work.  That dream was showing me the extreme side of what “partying” can lead to.

I’ve watched and read biographies of Jacky Gleason and Paul Lynde, and Dick Van Dyke, and other old time celebrities who slid into alcoholism.  When does celebrating life to the max and wringing every last drop of enjoyment out of life slide into laying in a gutter?  It’s never easy to pinpoint the exact dividing line.

I’ve had to leave my main business in Java to oversee the workers on my bungalow construction projects in Bali. Out here in Bali I’ve let sessions at the gym be substituted for sessions drinking beer on the beach, listening to live music with girls, or getting massages by three pretty young teenagers.  I’ve substituted 12 hour work days for 3 hour days plus hunting for girls.

A lot of guys have been there and done that.  It can be a good life.  But I don’t think that’s the way to go to wring the juice out of life.  Not now.  Not at this stage.

Anyway, tomorrow I’m heading back to Java.  Java doesn’t have the same drinking triggers that Bali has for me.  And I have my girls there, and possibly one new date.  I’ll be ready and motivated to focus on work.  Like a lot of guys, I’ve “been there and done that”.  I don’t want to tread water or slide downhill.  Ambition can take us to new heights.