Scott (Dilbert) Adams wrote a popular book about how to be successful in life. If I’m paraphrasing correctly, the theme of it is that instead of focusing on goals, focus on the habits that in general lead to the goals.
But first it’s important to get a very wide metal map of the territory. As wide as possible. Position yourself not only in relation to your mother, your family, your friends, your community, your state, or your nation. Position yourself not only in relation to the culture of any of these. Be the big picture.
Know of how big is the solar system. Most don’t; in fact we all don’t; it’s impossible to conceive. Know of the galaxy and that behind an outstretched thumb are a million more galaxies. Know of the millions of years ruled by dinosaurs and the hundreds of millions of years of evolution before that. Know of other cultures, and what is cross cultural. Know of general human nature, so that you can know more about yourself.
We can develop and mature as individuals along at least a dozen distinct enough levels of development. As we mature and refine our abilities we network deeper into reality, and make a real workable relationship with it. This makes us more effective.
We can develop:
- Socially, within many distinct and overlapping contexts
- Physically in sports and muscle training
- In various forms of mind training meditations
- In various forms of body centered mindfulness meditations
- In sexual prowess and refinement
- In knowledge
- In interpersonal connections, networking, influence and power
- As a family man
- In skills at having sustainable hand in long term passionate relationships
- In affect and mood and in virtuosity of emotional range
- In writing and speaking and communicating in body language and vocal tones clearly and persuasively
And on and on.
They say that the IQ you are born with is, within a narrow range, set for life. Things can be done to damage your IQ, but there is a limit to how much it can be augmented. This is highly correlated with the top range of what you can accomplish; you will never meet a retarded brain surgeon, or a physicist of average IQ.
I’m a short man, with not much hair, and a face that cameras don’t like. I have a sunken sternum and flared ribs, so that no matter how much muscle I put on, I will never get a V shaped torso or get rid of the skinnyfying protruding ribs. My musical talent is middling. In many of the potential areas of development, I’m born with a metaphorically below average IQ.
But while IQ is correlated directly with job professions, it is not the only factor in career success. At least as important is diligence and effort to improve within a field of endeavour. A 120 IQ can far outperform a 150 IQ, even if it takes 20,000 hours of practice and study instead of only 5,000.
In the biggest picture of things, we must put the top value as happiness. Our own, and because of wanting our own, also that of those around us. In the biggest picture, the serenity prayer sums things up nicely:
- God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
- The courage to change the things I can,
- And the wisdom to know the difference.
We are not going to change what is fundamental to human nature. We are not going to change what is fundamental to female nature. To know what it is that we are not going to change takes decades of personal development and learning, and is a never ending process of continual investigation and refinement.
In order to maximize personal happiness and add value to the lives of those around you, to succeed at life, it is absolutely essential to mature along as many possible lines of development as possible. To change the things that you can.
Success in life doesn’t come from mastering the piano – even at the top most level. It doesn’t come from mastering chi-kung-sex to Olympic Master Guru levels. It doesn’t come from having a rich community of friends, and an ever expanding brood of successful children and in-laws. It comes from as many of these things as possible and more.
Happiness is not in a pill, and happiness is not a hedonic treadmill. It is a real and attainable goal, and there are real and workable ways to success at LIFE. Succeed at living this life.
You will not succeed at life if you focus your attention on negativity in this world that you have no power to change.
You will not succeed at life if you are not actively trying to develop and mature as a human being, in as many ways as possible.
There are many blogs out there that help men to navigate the pitfalls of interpersonal relationships. Most of them are fundamentally flawed in serious ways.
The most important ways they are flawed is by having either not a broad enough perspective about what succeeding at life is, or by misdirecting away from the need for personal development.
They are nowhere near ambitious enough.
We can do incredible things in this life. We can achieve incredible things, and share a great deal of joy, love, camaraderie, wealth, success, and happiness. We can fall in love and be broken hearted many times before we die, and the ripples of our brief stay can infect others around us with everything in us that has ever been good.
Is that the focus of the manosphere blog that you are reading now?
Or is it about limiting exposure to damage. Is it about how wrong feminists are. Is it about daygame only.
When you combine a big picture goal (happiness) with personal development habits, you never even know when opportunity will present itself or how. But only by being developed enough to be well positioned will opportunity become available at all.
I lack musical talent. But I’m working towards my 10,000 hours. I have no way to know what good will come of it. The process by itself is nourishing, but as I’m aware of what signs of fitness women are aware of, I’m also aware that playing piano might seduce someone who will make me a baby. Or who knows what. Not until I’m good enough to play in a band will I ever know what opportunities can come from being good enough to play in a band.
And so on with every other aspect of personal development.
There is a reason why there are no manosphere blogs or forums where being an alpha provider is even conceptualized. It’s because the writers in all these places have not personally developed enough in enough areas of their life to have personal experience of it.
You can’t get the opportunity to care for hot young devoted love slaves without a great deal of things already in place. And then once you do get that opportunity, the ability to work with multiple young lovers who are intensely physically and emotionally bonded to you at the same time requires an entirely different category of interpersonal relationship skills.
A writer can be the worlds foremost expert on getting casual sex, but still have not even one toe in the water of what is required to be able to manage even one bottom bitch.
It is doable. We can raise our expectations, and we can achieve wonders.
I’ll leave you with an excerpt from an email from a friend of mine, who is deeply in mutual love with two beautiful and amazing young women:
If there are lessons I’m drawing out of this it’s things like: love hard and unabashedly, do NOT be aloof, and hold your nerve now and then when the chips are down. Pour your heart out. Draw boundaries. Make each woman feel like a million bucks when you’re with her. Add real value to their lives, on terms they recognise, and make sure they grasp that. Etc.