You speak of your emotions as manipulations. But are they? It sounds very derogatory and I think it does not do it justice.
We are products of evolution.
Our emotions, no matter how authentic and holistic and integrated, are products of evolution.
We have emotions for reasons. If you love someone, it’s because your brain has evolved to retain the instinct and programming to do so. This is not only for the effect that it has on you, but also the effect that it has on others.
We are meat puppets. Meat machines.
I know it sounds harsh and derogatory to talk about real genuine emotions as being manipulative, but that’s because we believe in falsities about what the self is.
We identify with our emotions, and take them at face value. And while that’s common, it’s also extremely naive.
We have agendas underneath our emotions. Biologically programmed agendas. We have no choice about what we want, because we are meat puppets.
Most people are not aware of this, and when confronted fight to remain unaware of it.
Even morality itself is evolved, and the five basic morals have a genetic basis. Two of the five are not universal, therefore we have the genetic castes of liberals (who do not value purity or authority) and conservatives.
It is not an insult to see things clearly. There is only slander when there is untruth.
You can have the most sublime and perfect love possible, and underneath that is still agenda. We have instincts. Primal instincts.
We have many evolved agendas. For men the big ones are:
* the search for a youth and beauty in mates
* power and wealth
* social status and influence and networking
No matter what is on the surface, underneath is agenda. It is no insult to know this. It resolves a lot of conflict.
I hate causing pain. Knowing why I do what I do helps. I keep more than one girl because I have these evolved drives to do so. Women do what they do mostly out of evolved drives also. It is not fair, it is not good, it is not right. It is not unfair, it is not bad, it is not wrong. It just is. That’s the real world we live in.
We have selfish agendas, and it is not always win win.
The sexual marketplace is not win-win; we fight each other for the fittest mates. And within relationships we fight each other for dominance. And it doesn’t take much scratching of the surface to see that monogamy is not and has not and can never be a universal sexual strategy, in any culture. Everyone lusts after other partners, and yet we want monogamy from our mates.
People do set up polyamorous lifestyles, and that can be workable. But those that do are well aware of the need to manage our evolved emotional response to infidelity; we don’t like it and it can hurt like hell.
Some people find that pain worth it for the benefits, and some manage to avoid that pain with certain rules, such as only fucking a third in the same bed, or don’t ask don’t tell, or never in the same town, etc.
We have some leeway to create new rules within the deep fundamental hard wired circuits of instinct that we were born with. But never underestimate the instincts. Jealousy is a very serious, very strong emotion, that can’t be negotiated away.
We evolved the ability to talk hundreds of thousands if not millions of years after we evolved strong emotional jealousy. The two parts of the brain are compartmentalized and don’t play well together. You can’t talk yourself out of being jealous, nor make a non-jealousy bargain with a mate.
Agenda is below emotion; evolved drives are below and ruling our current emotions.
Next time your pupils dilate due to love, know that this is manipulating the person in front of you. You will be completely unconscious of your pupils dilating, because the evolved processes are agendas BELOW and RULING our conscious emotions. Your emotion of love DOES manipulate others, and knowing that might feel insulting, but only if you completely misunderstand what your self is.
There is a sadness that comes with knowledge. But knowledge is also power.
The more fortitude you have to stare into the abyss, the more resilient you will become and more able to remain cheerful in the face of ugly truths such as permanent death. This fortitude will also lead to habits of mind unafraid to hold big picture truths, even when those truths are painful. And that is essential mind training. Truth is useful and powerful.