I honestly believe that the reason many men poo poo the idea of having a dominant LTR, where they treat their women with love and care and get subservient loving devotion in return, is sour grapes.
In an old fable by Aesop, a hungry fox noticed a bunch of juicy grapes hanging from a vine. After several failed attempts to reach the grapes, the fox gave up and insisted that he didn’t want them anyway because they were probably sour.
I honestly believe that the number one main reason most men think that such a situation is not possible in the West, and that I’m deluding myself to believe that I am currently experiencing it in the east, is sour grapes.
The very same men who think Western women swim in a culture too toxic to allow them to be properly tamed into being subservient and devoted love slaves, also believe that South East Asians are really only ever acting that way just for money.
Men do not have any personal lived experience of being loved, long term, within the context of a Long Term Relationship or Multiple LTR.
So sour grapes. The ego protection goes exactly like this. “That is not possible for ME, therefore that is not possible.”
“Not only didn’t I want that incredibly good thing anyway, but it was never even possible to get and doesn’t even exist. And not only that, but it’s the guys who think it exists who are the true fools! Oh, I pity those guys who claim to be having regular sex with multiple young attractive women who regularly give all inward and outward signs of obsessive loving devotion!”
But for the guys who claim that the only reason I can do what I do is because I’m in SEA, they still just stop their thought processes right there. Sour grapes. If it is actually true that it is only possible to have such a situation in SEA, that is not the end of the issue; that’s just the very beginning of the issues facing any man.
Does a man want that for himself? Can he even begin to conceptualize the life enhancement that comes from having one or many young attractive lovers who are in love and devoted to him and attend to his needs? And if the answer to those questions are yes, then how can he get it for himself?
If it truly is a huge life enhancement, and truly is only available in SEA, isn’t the next question what sacrifice would it be worth to get out to SEA in order to get such an incredibly huge life enhancement boost? If love and passion are not available where you are, then why are you staying where you are?
But if anyone thinks coming to SEA will get them devoted attractive women, they are wrong. Men from this culture and men who visit this culture rarely get that.
It takes a very well developed skill set to get that. You don’t get free coupons for hot devoted love slaves on arrival at the airport.
And so people use the fact that I’m in SEA to stop all further thought about maintaining loving passionate intimate relations.
It is so terribly convenient.
Why? Because they don’t want to think about it.
And why don’t they want to think about it?
Sour grapes. It’s too painful to feel a want for something unatainable. Much easier a mental short cut to pretend that they 1) don’t want it, and 2) the thing they don’t want doesn’t even exist in the first place.
I also find that the men who can’t conceptualize being loved also come across as being incapable of giving love.
And so you get these romantically inept guys going on and on about the ONLY possible relationship to hot young women is one that is an exchange of R selected sex, and that the ONLY way to be appreciated as a sexual being is if they cut themselves off from their own humanity by developing dark triad traits and taking on pure R selected sexual strategies, thereby refusing any depth of connection with the “lizards” and “bitches”.
It’s harsh, but it’s frankly irritating to have what amounts to the romantically under-developed (retarded) try to expound on how romance works.
And no, it’s not the case that there is such a vast difference between the West and the East. I’ve lived in both places. Throughout all of history and in all cultures over the globe, there are now and have always been some very fundamental constants to human, male, and female nature. They don’t change generationally, and they don’t change culturally, and they don’t change regionally. There are cross cultural constants that are due to our innate human condition.
As regards being an alpha provider, it is in no way an oxymoron, and yes, to be one is extremely rare. It’s rare because the skill sets required, and even the man’s supporting resources required is rare to attain. The skill development is similar to musical development – no matter how good you are, you can be much better, and there are people who are much better still.
So we have people who can play chopsticks on the piano, extrapolating that out onto theories of music. Well, it doesn’t work like that. You can’t know what you don’t know until you know it. You can’t even begin to guess at the relationship skills you don’t yet have.
Real, passionate, loving relationships with hotties is an advanced music. That men CAN do. IF they care to develop themselves to be master musicians.
And to be a master musician, you can’t just play with the left hand of R selected bass and rhythm notes. Nor just with the right hand of emotional melody. You absolutely MUST use both hands, to be at the maximum of your potential.
Anyone who still thinks that alpha fucks and beta bucks is nowhere near even beginning to understand his own potential.
Update: Ondrej said:
So you think that people who push R do so because they’re unable to max out both R and K so they convince themselves that K doesn’t add a layer of devotion from the girl while not diminishing your R attractiveness? Because they always say how it’s confusing for the girl and K is like a dominant alele to R – if you have both, you’re “Kr” and she’ll make you wait for sex.
Because maxing out R really comes down to simple fashion and physique changes, good mindset, balls and reference experiences. 1 year, 2 years? Easy, as long as you’re motivated.
Maxing out K takes decades. Possibly with no results.
Yes, Ondrej, but there’s much more to it than just that. To get a girl emotionally invested requires being emotionally invested. It’s a different skill set than just getting her horny.
It includes, but is greater than, getting her horny.
Thats the melody portion of a song. Nowadays people like music that has no melody – rap and hip hop and other shit. The lyrics often reflect the lack of emotional connection, such as “these hoes ain’t loyal”.
Melody is all about moving emotions. No matter how evocative are the lyrics, you can’t move the emotions in the same way without melody.
This dark triad R selected attitude being peddled is just a musical fad – music without melody. Relationships without melody – without emotional connection.
Yes, you can get a whole club full of people all excited grooving to hip hop.
But hip hop is still shit.
Ya, sometimes we can like just a drum beat to groove to. But a life without melody? On purpose? As a chosen lifestyle?
And then you get hip hop experts claiming that western women nowadays are no longer moved by balads.
WOMEN are moved by ballads. Always have been, always will be. In any country, in any time.
So I think we get men who become experts in a very narrow slice of male female relations. A slice that has no melody, no richness, no emotional depth.
It’s not just because they don’t have enough money or social status to pull off connecting with women from a position she’ll respect. It’s also because they don’t have the emotional and technical skill set.
The types of strategies that are usually considered K strategies, such as loving and caring are babies that are just thrown out with the bathwater.
“Oh, I can’t be loving and caring, or I won’t get laid and the woman will just leave me!”
A man CAN be loving and caring. AND dominant.
It is not either or. Not K or R. Not alpha or beta.
A man can be dominant AND passionately bonded. Beat plus melody is far greater than either alone. And furthermore the art of music can become endlessly rich, until you can coordinate a full orchestra of instruments to improvise along a variety of musical styles.