So many things can go wrong for a developing brain.
And in order to maximize brain development, so many aspects of what it can do need to be trained up in concert.
Women have evolved to be able to quickly spot signs of physical and mental fitness. Now a lot of guys think that women don’t chose well; they are attracted to stupid brutes, and their choices can harm society.
And while it’s true that women don’t chose who to fuck based on math ability, it’s not right that the evolved instinctual preferences are stupid.
Let’s list again a few of the neuro-developmental problems that women quickly pick up on and quickly find unattractive:
- Autism spectrum disorders
- Atypical empathic responses as social deficits (sociopaths can be charming and display above average empathic ability)
- Cluster A personality disorders, including
- Paranoid personality disorder: irrational suspicion and mistrust of others, interpreting motivations as malevolent.
- Schizoid personality disorder: lack of interest and detachment from social relationships, apathy, and restricted emotional expression. Schizoid personality disorder is sometimes called Dismissive–avoidant attachment style, and refers to people who don’t want to emotionally bond with a mate.
- Schizotypal personality disorder: extreme discomfort interacting socially, and distorted cognitions and perceptions.
- Cluster B dramatic, emotional or erratic disorders such as Antisocial personality disorder: disregard for and violation of the rights of others, lack of empathy, bloated self-image, manipulative and impulsive behavior.
- Borderline personality disorder: instability in relationships, self-image, identity, behavior and affects often leading to self-harm and impulsivity.
- Histrionic personality disorder: attention-seeking behavior and excessive emotions.
- Narcissistic personality disorder: a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and a lack of empathy. Sometimes narcissists get an initial edge in the dating market when compared to dweebs, but after their masks are seen through, they get a major disadvantage over people with more sophisticated neuro-development; girls break up with narcissists. Narcissism is less of a disadvantage for pump and dump, but is a death blow to long term relationships. And even for pump and dump it’s less effective than a well rounded confident developed persona.
- Cluster C anxious or fearful disorders, such as
- avoidant personality disorder: pervasive feelings of social inhibition and inadequacy, extreme sensitivity to negative evaluation.
- Dependent personality disorder: pervasive psychological need to be cared for by other people.
- Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (not the same as obsessive-compulsive disorder): characterized by rigid conformity to rules, perfectionism, and control to the point of satisfaction and exclusion of leisurely activities and friendships.
Skills that women find attractive that point to high communication between various functions of the brain:
- Dancing. Dancing coordinates body and mind and emotions, plus requires being in simpatico with your dance partners. The best dancing requires being able to experience flow moments.
- Playing music, especially in a band. Again coordinates body and mind and emotions, and the best music always involves flow moments. Being in a band requires simpatico and coordination with others.
- Sports. Body mind and strategy coordination, and team sports requires extra social ability to read and respond to your groups signals.
- Leadership. Being socially comfortable at all is a high level skill that requires a well developed brain, however actually being seen of as a leader, and being effective at it is a display of many high level skills functioning effectively, over time.
- Love. I’ve heard so many stories of people meeting impressive people, and instantly being captivated by the force of their open love. In my own life I’ve chosen mentors based in large part on this amazing ability. My Grandmother was an incredible force of love, and my Father was a powerful man too. Love is a very high level skill, that requires tremendous neuro-development. Buddhists train for decades and decades in order to be able to open in love. And it really shows. It not only has a dramatic effect on personal happiness and well being, but provides a social edge – people are immediately affected by the force of interpersonal openness.
I remember the first few times that I had sex, I was stuck in the narrative in my head. I was not embodied. There was what I considered as “me”, this storyline, running along in my head who thought that it controlled my body like strings control a puppet.
I was not integrated. I was divided up into pieces. If there were emotions, I’d often struggle with them. It wasn’t that I was happy or sad or angry or horny, it was that emotions were impinging upon me. It got so extreme at times that it was closer to the truth to say that I was hearing voices in my head than that I was having thoughts. My self was disjointed. I was not embodying emotions, and was forever separate even from the contents of my own mind and body.
So of course I could not meld into my lover. I could not even meld into myself!
Nowadays when I have sex, it might start out as mechanical, but quickly becomes genuinely spiritual. I am finely tuned in to my own bodies sensations, in a non-dual way – I embody them, while at the same time having control over them. Just like being into and singing a song – you can control the mood and tempo of the music, but you are IN the music. I may be subtly squeezing and releasing my perineum, while feeling energy in a ball below that and through my legs and below my feet, while simultaneously feeling a big pond of hot sex lava in my belly, while simultaneously having a heart so full of love that it fills my whole chest and spills down my arms to warm up my palms, while at the same time having energy up my spine and into my third eye, while at the same time breathing energies in and out of the top of my head, while at the same time screaming my head off in high pitched squeals, or low forceful grunts, or soft repetitive cooings.
And the whole time I am so finely tuned into my lovers signals, that if she approaches orgasm I don’t notice it at all; instead I FEEL it. In my own body I FEEL her approaching orgasm, and my own pleasure increases dramatically. In fact if I’m not warmed up it will be difficult not to come myself. But if I’m in my full flow moment, her sex feeling and mine combine, and we both know it and both feel it, and the power and energy rises and rises, and is mixed with erotic force and love.
Making love is a high level orchestration of mind and body, and requires great neuro-development. It’s an ongoing development – there is no end to the sophistication possible.