Random Xpat Rantings

Contemplative dominance for the modern man

How to negotiate desire with a woman.

Posted by xsplat on July 28, 2014

Women process information differently, so a man can not be direct.

You can’t tell a woman “I need you to be supportive now so that I can be at my best to win over these clients.” Because her emotional processing will tell her that she has hand over you, and as soon as she has hand she loses primal motivation to suck up to you.

You have to make it seem like it was her idea.

You tell her the same message, but in the same way women communicate messages to each other.


You let her know that you are about to close a new business deal. Imply at first that you won’t have time for her while you do this. Let the room feel your vibe that you know that your improved status is going to put you into improved social situations.

Just as she’s feeling the dread that you are not going to need her anymore, cut her in. Assume her support, as if it’s an afterthought.

“You are going to have to pick him up at the airport.”

You’ve just communicated the exact same message, but in a way that moves emotions rhetorically.

Persuasion requires understanding the mind of the listener. It will change for every person you talk to. Sometimes you use the hard sell, sometimes you tersely tell the facts, some times you don’t sell at all, and all do is casually converse.

Women have different minds than men do, and so persuasion with women requires building years of interaction in order to build up useful theories of mind. You can’t just tell them what you want.

But it is a negotiation.

If you force a smile, you force an improved mood. If you put a woman into a red party dress and have her hold your elbow, you change her attitude towards you.

It IS a negotiation.

It’s just a set of rules that are not innately known to men.

Women operate at an initial relationship advantage, if they are hot. A hottie virgin can tool an old man, purely out of instinct. But once you learn the language, you get the advantage. Because you can apply male intellect to the game.

You have to negotiate your position such that she wants what you are selling, and thinks it’s in her best interest to buy it.

And limiting her options is also a very useful sales tactic. Tactics for that are broad, and very rarely discussed, outside of talking about social conservative rules of appropriate upright conduct. I think it’s more effective to realistically limit her options, not to pretend that some fantasy “society” exists that can limit them, if only you could inform “society” of how important it was to do so.

If you are a woman’s best option, her emotions will follow. That is a negotiation. I’m not talking about a narcissistic false front of appearance, and I’m not only talking about spinning facts into a believable slanted narrative. It’s every possible move you can make; going to the gym, conversation and sexual skills, constraining her flirting, push and pull, selling a real dream of giving her a financial future, keeping her addicted emotionally on every level you can, and whatever other tricks you have and can learn.

Sometimes you can even spell it out, and explain exactly what you are doing, and explain why other men don’t get her hot. Pulling back the curtain won’t stop the magic.

But it’s still a negotiation, and fundamentally you are in sales. You work on your product, your presentation, and your emotional connection to the buyer.

For women, that connection requires that she looks up to you, and that any neediness shown is doled out in careful calculated doses; just enough to assuage her need for security.

5 Responses to “How to negotiate desire with a woman.”

  1. […] How to negotiate desire with a woman. […]

  2. This is actually also really helpful to younger women and teenage girls with my own problem. I’ve never been able to understand female nonverbal communication and it has taken me years to get to a point where I can do the above (tweaked, of course, to get what I want or need from other women). I have also learned to spot behavioural and speech patterns that could reveal another woman’s social life, highlighting a number of things she may want me to be aware of. Having discussed it, apparently many females suffer this problem and it basically results in ostracization until you find a workaround. Other women assume your every move COULD be nonverbal communication, read into your words and get angry when you fail to read into theirs.

  3. peregrinejohn said

    I wish I’d known this years ago. God, the pain it would have prevented – hers as well as mine. Ah, well. And this particular article, which would have been bloody perfect for me a week ago. Ah, well, again. I’ll be needing it shortly in any case, I strongly suspect, and now it’s properly reinstalled in my cranium.

  4. Ken said

    You leave out the fact that a woman may resent your success, even when it is beneficial to herself. She may also try to sabotage your success, if she is insecure or envies your achievements. The fact is, she may view your potential success as threatening; you might very well become more attractive to competing females based on increased income, higher status and improved self confidence. She might figure that you will get out of hand. She might also figure that it would be a good idea to develop more costly shopping habits and find other ways to siphon off your additional income, like taking on a larger mortgage or dropping babies, out of love and the need of a sense of security, of course…

    • xsplat said

      All good points.

      Strong boundaries maintained by habit and force and even a breakup if need be would be the antidote.

      Yes, women always work to maintain hand, in all ways they can, and the ways you mention are some core strategies.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 161 other followers

%d bloggers like this: