I’m not obligated to love you.
Posted by xsplat on July 14, 2014
I’ve fallen into the trap before of spending time with women out of obligation. Taking care of their emotional security needs out of obligation.
I don’t do that any more. Because I don’t have to.
An abundance mentality is only a catch22 if you are trying to feel and believe something that does not exist in order to have an effect. Step one then step two. Step one, maximize your position and have genuine options; have other girls and be able to develop a new pipeline. Step one might take decades of personal and business work and moving around the globe, or it might be a matter of a few small changes.
I don’t do mentalities. I don’t create and re-create narratives in my head in order to maximize my mood. I do reality. I create realities in order to maximize my position.
Men and women change their strategies according to their options. When you REALLY have options, it’s not about mentality. It’s about making choices.
And I don’t want to make the poor choices I used to, of being with women out of obligation to “the relationship”.
After a poor date with my N18 I found myself greatly irritated and snapped out these offline messages to her as she was walking back home:
It seems you can’t get over the fact that I don’t want to live with you.
Ya, you should probably one way or another adjust.
Because I’m not going to love you more just because you want me to. I will only spend time with you if I WANT to.
Not because I lived with other girls in the past.
You don’t get to spend time with me because “now it’s your turn”.
I have to actually WANT to be with you. That’s all. That’s it. Finished and end of story.
If we aren’t spending more time with each other it’s because I don’t want to.
You can’t make me want to be with you more by crying or begging or making a fuss every time I leave your apartment or ask you to go home.
Frankly a LOT of the time you are a very annoying girl.
If you were less annoying I’d WANT to be with you more.
It’s pretty simple.
I’ve tried 1000 times over and over to correct your annoying behaviour, but you don’t learn fast or try hard.
I STILL have to repeat myself many times to say anything at all to you.
You STILL mumble all the time, and I can’t hear what you are saying. That’s really annoying.
Basically it’s impossible to talk to you at all.
And you don’t act like a faithful number one, but you still want all the privileges of one. As if I owed it to you.
The only way I’ll WANT to spend time with you, is if I enjoy it.
That’s IT. Not because YOU want it.
And a lot of the time, a really big percentage of the time, you are not enjoyable to be around.
Talking in a rude voice.
And just in so many ways really a very annoying human being.
If I ever loved some other girl more or treated some other girls differently you should ask yourself why.
And look to yourself.
And don’t just expect the same treatment for different behaviour.
50% of humans have a vagina.
Yours is not made of gold, and won’t automatically make me live with you.
You don’t even come at all.
Your blowjobs are great, but come on. You don’t even come.
And I’m not sure I’ve ever seen you let go into experiencing strong bliss.
So I think I give you plenty of time and attention, considering. And I”ve given you the best opportunity for a future I know how to give you.
If you are waiting to marry me then you should adjust your expectations.
It’s not going to happen.
I’ve been irritable all morning just thinking about the relationship.
I see the writings of many men who feel unlovable. On therationalmale an ugly commenter explains how ugly people have no hope with attractive women. It’s not only his personal experience, but he makes some sound arguments why it’s out of his control.
And N18 does the same bullshit about her personality. She says it’s out of her control and all the fault of her parents and circumstance.
Being loveable is a skill.
People with little experience of being loved want and perhaps even NEED to downplay that fact.
Being loveable is a skill.
Nobody deserves love. We are not newborn babies and I’m not some mothers nipple. We earn it, through our actions.
By adding value. By being happy and sharing happiness. By feeling content and sharing contentedness. By adding value in every possible way that our lover can appreciate.
You can’t ask someone to love you. You can’t expect someone to love you.
If he enjoys being around you and if you make him happy, the emotions will follow.
Guys have the same issue. People walk around with negativity as their default mode of being. They are not happy people. They are not finding girls who love them, because…
They are not loveable people!
Being loveable is a skill. It might take years to learn it. It might take enormous personal and business and location development. You don’t deserve it, and it IS under your control.
I’ve noticed before that when I spend a lot of time mulling angrily over some girls behaviour it’s mostly my fault. For not being with a better girl. And this morning I’m really irritated and cranky.
Obviously N18 isn’t all bad or I wouldn’t keep seeing her. But people get put into the place that they earned. Nobody gets to assume a monogamous relationship as the #1 girl, anymore than a mail clerk gets to assume he should be CEO.
Whatever love you are getting right now? That’s what you’ve earned. Don’t blame the bitches. Look in the mirror.