Why I’m heartbroken for a girl I don’t like
Posted by xsplat on July 6, 2014
Assortative mating is a bitch, because emotions.
My dad keeps telling me that I should date smarter women. For the last few years I’ve had a young big tittied hottie underneath and riding on top. I feel both love and gratitude to be with such a hot girl – as if she’s several points above my pay grade. Her curves and face have an effect on people. A surfer dude at a club was instantly smitten, and clutched his chest in crestfallen heartbreak when he found out she was with me. Then he enthusiastically congratulated me. I had that girl locked down for years. She was crazy in love with me.
But she’s dumb.
Things took several turn and twists for the worse between us after I moved a tight teenager into an apartment and kept her as a 2nd. In our hot tempers we did everything we could to get what we wanted; she wanted monogamy and I wanted a 2nd. I screamed at her to please get out of my life and she threatened me.
But by now we had formed some deep pair bonds, and we couldn’t quit each other.
The mental maps for seduction and relationships that most red-pill guys have are vastly insufficient. So many guys keep spouting off about how “attraction” is about some R selected aloof bad boy game. Oh, man, people could not be more deficient in their conception of sexual selection. Attraction is ALSO composed of so much more; the mating game includes powerful pair bonds, and right from the start seduction can incorporate developing those bonds.
Creating and sustaining those bonds is quite a skill, and the strength of them is blown off by people. Why? Because they have no experience? Because when those bonds break it’s painful and girls turn on men with vicious cruelty and steal everything that we have?
I’ve had many periods of my life when I had extreme heartbreak. Recently I’ve been going through some bouts of bad pain, and I can’t even count the number of times in my long past where I sobbed uncontrollably. Sometimes right in front of the women I was in love with.
And I’ve had girls sob uncontrollably in front of me, more times than I’ll ever be able to remember.
Once upon a time I was in love with a genius 10. Six weeks after we met she flew away to meet her fiance, and at the airport we both sobbed uncontrollably. We both sobbed for days and weeks after that.
The bonds that people can create can be deep beyond any reason.
A lot of guys honestly believe that the-red-pill of game knowledge is about being free from putting oneself into such vulnerable positions. Heartbreak is for beta losers and women don’t get attracted to vulnerable men.
It’s not that most manosphere thinking is wrong, it’s that it is partial. A partially correct idea is the most dangerous. I would like to shine some light to show more territory.
If you can’t feel the pain of heartbreak, you can’t feel the joys of bonding, and if you can’t love you can’t be loved. In order to get an attractive girl to fall and remain fallen in love with you, you MUST be vulnerable. That’s how bonding works.
Now you can control it, to a degree. You play push pull and front and manipulate your image and never show too much underbelly. But it’s still choice-less that to be loved you have to love, and being vulnerable is an inseparable part of that process. Genuinely vulnerable to some uncontrollable serious pain.
I’ve had times lately when I take all drugs and alcohol I can get my hands on, just to get some relief from the pain. Tramadol. Ghb. Beer. My girl of nearly 4 years has been dating around and I can’t get her to stop. The thought crossed my mind while I was in N18 today and it made me limp. I stopped and walked out of the apartment.
And yet I don’t even like M25.
These bonds we can create surprise even ourselves.
And M25 and I still can’t quit each other. All the pain goes away and I feel good again when I’m with her. After fucking her I feel like the king of the world again. I appreciate my banana head N18 more. I can approach new girls with greater joy and confidence. I’m myself again; a full, rich man.
I’m even thinking of making that stupid girl pregnant.
And yet I know I invest too much time with these girls. Therefore I’ve been building up an entire lifestyle that is meant to funnel smarter and higher status model quality girls into my life and the lives of my team members. My main man met a super bright highly sexual girl and it’s the perfect inspiration. That’s what I’ve had, that’s what I know is attainable, and that’s what I want. I love hearing them scream and moan for hours on end. Inspires me to go out and approach.
And I’ve been going out several days a week. At first I’d go out with N18 and she’d do all the talking. Then I’d run ahead and talk to girls alone. And lately I go out alone and hand out cards and explain about my modelling agency front-business to the best girls I can find.
It crossed my mind to call up 10 and invite her to get pregnant. I’m nearly 50 and it’s about time I got started on that next big project. Assortative mating is a bitch. We fall emotionally for what we think is the best we hope to get.
My Dad was a sucker for tits, ass, and a pretty face. My Mom was a hottie, and so was her sister, in their day. And my mom wasn’t too bright. Dad had three boys, and I was the only one that got his brains.
And I’m just like him. I’m the same sucker.
And just like him I’d prefer to get the hottie with the brains.
That’s an incredible challenge.