The narrative that all of us want to believe is that we have this part of ourselves that is in control. We control our thoughts.
Except that we don’t. If you meditate you’ll find that you can’t simply control your thoughts. Don’t imagine a pink elephant right now.
But our experience is that we have some measure of control. If you meditate regularly you’ll set up more refined feedback mechanisms and there will be less of a feeling of thoughts being out of control.
But there is still no locus of control that matches up with our narrative. We have fundamental wiring hardware that not only influences what we think, but often simply tells us what we think.
One of my girlfriends is back in town after being gone for two months. We used to live together for three years, but when my health was good enough and the opportunity arose, I took a 2nd lover. That worked for a while until she barged in on us fucking and started pulling hair. Then things settled down and we had an understanding again, but then her emotions became uncontrollable and she became intensely antagonistic in swings and then left town to get some air. There is a point to me sharing all this. I waited in my original shophouse/apartment for her to return, and when she did I acted as if I really missed her and was still in love with her.
Because it was genuine and true.
On the exterior this would look as if I’m a master manipulator of women, and can perform the most subtle of psychological manipulations to get them exactly where I want them. Push pull in the just the right proportions to get what I want. And it’s true. I am, and it’s frightening.
But on the inside I really feel genuine emotions.
So who is in charge here? Where is the locus of control? I’m not only a master manipulator who has internalized all he has learned such that I run on automatic pilot when “gaming” girls, but I’m past automatic pilot to being an automaton. I genuinely believe and feel exactly what is required of me to believe to fulfil my agenda. My biologically programmed agenda. Of fucking this really hot young woman and keeping her as my personal love slave.
This is how the mind very often works. We have these innate wirings that we casually mistake for our own personal decisions.
There has long been a genetic caste war between novelty seeking cads and sluts versus family oriented providers. It has been documented and studied that certain genes are directly correlated with certain morals. We can’t broadly speak about what morals men have or what men want without considering these castes. Some men for instance have a very strong emotional built in feeling for respect for authority. This is such a strong circuit of wiring in the brain, that they will be unable to harbor thoughts in contradiction to this respect. Logic will be unable to bring them to envision alternate views. The brain is forcing you to be what you are – to think what you do. It’s not a personal choice, as much as it feels like the personal choice to be good and moral and on the right side, that’s not an accurate description of reality. Just as a butterfly will fly to a specific tree in South America, your brain has forced you to have unstoppably strong instincts.
But these are not universal. It’s somewhere near a 50/50 or 60/40 split between guys who don’t have the respect for authority gene and those who do.
And there is also a purity gene or confluence of genes and a moral value of respect for purity. The two moral genetic bases may be related or often coincidental – I’m not sure. The point is that it’s something close to a 50/50 split again. Some guys are more and some guys are less bothered by a woman’s sexual past, and this is hard coded into us, in much the same fashion as the butterfly has hard coded designs on a specific tree in South America.
Esteemed and insightful blogger Laidnyc writes:
Because unrestrained female sexuality incentives the wrong behavior in men and erodes civilization.
Because sluts are low quality and having to hang out with them long enough to fuck them is depressing.
Because men have an instinct to be disgusted by girls who’ve been turned out so as not to get cucked into raising their bastards.
and I commented:
We’re on the same page on many things, however it’s obvious we have a fundamental difference in attitude towards high-sociosexual score girls. There is good scientific reason to believe that our attitude differences are at least partly genetic.
I would ask you to at least include people like me into your theory of mind when you claim to speak for the entire male gender.
I see this no-true-Scottsmen like approach to talking about men all the time. “Real guys in the know aren’t into getting close and intimate with infidelity risk girls.”
Ya, except no. That’s not an accurate description of true-Scottsmen. It’s a description of some Scottsmen.
Some true Scottsmen are able to tame sluts, for as long as they want to, and enjoy it.
And some of those true Scottsmen are a bigger boon to “society” than the purity lovers.
You’ve set up this left vs right dichotomy where by coincidence you happen to be on the good guy team.
Ya, but the demarcations you make are often straw men. There are socially positive high sexual score men and women. There are high sexual score men and women who bond at least as well and often better than the purity lovers.
Your lines vaguely fit up to the real world, but are mostly setup to paint you and your ilk to look good.
It’s not an accurate description of reality. Guys who like novelty can be and often are prosocial and can and often do make good fathers too. And the same for the women.
You know, some guys marry girls who they then go on to wife swap with. Or the woman will occasionally bring a new girl into the mans bed. It happens, and that works for some people.
Once again – I’ll thank you to not speak for my genetic class when speaking for all men.
Update: UCB mentioned the guardian personality type in one of his comments below, and this led me to the wikipedia entry and this. I highly recommend to readers to read the wikipedia entries on the types. I’ll post two of them here below. It would seem that Laidnyc is a guardian type of personality, and I have some strong artisan traits, although I think I tested more as INTJ.
I’m new to this personality typing. I’d suspect there are genetic and epigenetic bases for these types.
We all can get myopic and think that everybody else is like us, or worse yet that everyone that is not like us SHOULD be.
The Guardian temperament is one of four temperaments defined by David Keirsey. Correlating with the SJ (sensing–judging) Myers-Briggs types, the Guardian temperament comprises the following role variants (listed with their corresponding Myers-Briggs types): Inspector (ISTJ), Protector (ISFJ), Provider (ESFJ), and Supervisor (ESTJ).
Guardians are concrete in communicating and cooperative in pursuing their goals. Their greatest strength is logistics. Their most developed intelligence role is either that of the Conservator (Protectors and Providers) or the Administrator (Inspector and Supervisor).
As the security-seeking temperament, Guardians are practical and frugal types. They “share certain core values, among them the belief in a strong work ethic, the need for people and institutions to be responsible, the importance of following the rules and of serving one’s community.” Guardians value experience, and they seek a tangible return on their investments. Believing in common sense, they are not attracted to idle speculation. They are the glue of civilization, maintaining and nurturing institutions that have been established by the dint of hard work. They tend to be conventional and cooperative in their work, wanting to make sure everybody gets what they deserve, no more and no less. They follow the rules and conventions of their cohort or group and expect others to as well.
Interests: In their education and careers, Guardians’ primary interest is business and commerce, with an eye toward practical applications in managing materiel. They are preoccupied with maintaining the morality of their group.
Orientation: Guardians have a strong sense of duty. They forgo the pleasures of the moment to prepare for unseen eventualities. They regard past events with a sense of resignation. They guard against the corruption of outside influences, and look to past experiences to guide their present choices.
Self-image: The Guardians’ self-esteem is based on their dependability; their self-respect on their beneficence; and their self-confidence on their respectability.
Values: Guardians are concerned about the well-being of people and institutions that they hold dear. They trust authority and seek security. They strive for a sense of belonging and want to be appreciated for their contributions. They aspire to become executives, whether by managing their own households or by running a multinational corporation.
Social roles: In romantic relationships, Guardians regard themselves as helpmates, working together with their spouse to establish a secure home. As parents, they focus on raising their children to become productive and law-abiding citizens. In business and social situations, they are stabilizers, establishing procedures and ensuring that the material needs of the group are met.
Guardians often experience stress when rules, expectations, and structure are unclear, or when those around them do not act according to established norms. The extraverted (expressive) types—Providers and Supervisors—may respond by becoming critical of others. The introverted (attentive) types—Protectors and Inspectors—may take on the burden of trying to correct the perceived faults in the system themselves, resulting in overwork and burnout. Guardians also experience stress when the results of their hard work go unnoticed or unappreciated. 
Traits in common with other temperaments
Keirsey identified the following traits of the Guardian temperament:
Concrete in communicating (like Artisans)
Guardians focus on facts. They are concerned about practical needs like providing goods and services that help society function smoothly.
Cooperative in pursuing their goals (like Idealists)
Guardians value teamwork. They are committed to preserving established social institutions. Cautious toward change, Guardians work within the system to ensure that all contingencies are considered.
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
The Artisan temperament is one of four temperaments defined by David Keirsey. Correlating with the SP (sensing–perceiving) Myers-Briggs types, the Artisan temperament comprises the following role variants (listed with their corresponding Myers-Briggs types): Composer (ISFP), Crafter (ISTP), Performer (ESFP), and Promoter (ESTP).
Artisans are concrete in speech and utilitarian in pursuing their goals. Their greatest strength is tactical variation. Their most developed intelligence role is that of either the Operator (Promoters and Crafters) or the Entertainer (Performers and Composers).
As the stimulation-seeking temperament, Artisans prefer to live one day at a time. They may spontaneously pursue activities that offer fun or pleasure. Playful in their interpersonal relationships, Artisans tend to be more permissive as parents than the other temperaments, wanting their children to explore and enjoy the world.
Interests: In education, Artisans want to learn artcrafts and techniques that they can use in their career. They tend to seek work involving operations and equipment, which could range from a scalpel to a fighter jet.
Orientation: Artisans live in the here and now. They want to enjoy the present moment. They tend to be optimistic about the future and cynical about the past, believing that life is a series of risks or random events without any larger pattern or meaning.
Self-image: The Artisans’ self-esteem is rooted in their grace and artistry; their self-respect in their boldness; and their self-confidence in their adaptability.
Values: Artisans enjoy excitement and perform well when in a state of restless energy. “They are excitable as children and they never seem to get less excitable as they grow up.” They seek stimulation and trust their impulses. Prone to spontaneous acts of generosity, they want to make an impact on others. They aspire to virtuosity, taking great pleasure in practicing and mastering their technique in the pursuits that interest them.
Social roles: In romantic relationships, Artisans want a playmate, someone who can share in the pleasure and excitement they seek. As parents, Artisans are liberators, exposing their children to a wide variety of activities, encouraging them to push beyond their limits, and guiding them toward independence and self-sufficiency. In business and social situations, they are negotiators, making the most of the opportunities at hand.
Artisans want teachers who are interesting, active, and playful. They will avoid sedentary forms of learning and uninteresting learning assignments. They will also avoid reading assignments that are not succinct, practical and relevant. Artisans want to demonstrate their learning through actions.
As a defense mechanism, Artisans may respond with denial, insisting that a fact is untrue despite overwhelming evidence. Since Artisans feel a need to make an impact and to be spontaneous, they become stressed when their ability to do these things becomes constrained. Boredom is another source of stress for Artisans. When under stress, they can become reckless, and they may retaliate against the source of the stress. Providing Artisans with options, such as new ways to make an impact and new activities, can relieve the stress.
Traits in common with other temperaments
Keirsey identified the following traits of the Artisan temperament:
Concrete in communication (like Guardians)
Artisans are realistic. They want to experience events in the moment. They enjoy manipulating concrete objects, whether for practical or artistic purposes.
Pragmatic in pursuing their goals (like Rationals)
Artisans take pride in bold and unconventional behavior. They aren’t interested in following a rule if they don’t see how it serves a practical purpose.