Girls can be annoyingly clingy. “Daddy don’t go! Stay! Stay Daddy!” Kissing you when you are in the middle of eating or brushing your teeth. Following you into the crapper. Hugging you while you are trying to get dressed.
“You need to learn how be happy when I’m gone. It’s not good to rely on me for that warm feeling in your heart. You need to learn to generate that inside you, and feel it when I’m gone. When I’m gone I don’t miss you, because you are always with me.”
“What? I knew it! You don’t miss me!”
“Stop with your negative talk and listen. Why would I miss you? I feel your love for me in my heart. You can learn how to do that too. You can put your hand on your chest and feel a warmth there, even when I’m not here. And besides, you need to fill up your days with other activities that you are interested in, like dancing or cooking or singing or yoga or seeing your friends, or something. You can’t just hang around waiting for me to come back and make you feel happy again.”
There is a trick that Buddhists use to get to the essence of things and connect with reality in a very immediate and personal way. Instead of focusing on the story line, they try to relax their minds and just let sense perceptions have their own awareness. Freed from the bottleneck of a central processor of self and story line, a wide spacial awareness become possible; the room is looking at you as much as you are looking at the room. Through hearing, contemplating and meditation, sense perceptions arise as if they are innately the nature of mind. This can also be mixed with bliss and compassion, such that sense perceptions arise as the nature of mind which is inately blissful and compassionate.
We can pull a similar trick when girls whine and complain to us. The bullshit their mouth is sputtering is because they are attached. So we can focus on the essence, not the storyline. They are attached. The want to feel bonded. They want to share affection. So while she’s bitching that you took too long to arrive, you can feel warm in your heart and laugh. And then blow off all her concerns and hold the frame and change the subject or flat out tell her to stop talking. Bring things back to the essence. Which between the two of you is a pleasant sharing of space; affection.
A lot of guys don’t want to learn how to give and receive love, and how to feel love as an ongoing sensation that they internalize.
But this is a deep truth; you can search far and wide and never find a bliss so satisfying as your body thrilling to the caresses of a deep loving massage. Hippy trippy shit will always be cool. Waves of love can be shared between people. And intense fucking is so fucking good it can get so intense that it’s impossible to distinguish from pain. Just fucking incredibly intense pleasure.
Doing all that is meditation. It’s chi-kung. It requires practice and cultivating of neuronal connections.
There is a maturity involved in learning about love. We can become a sun of love – capable of loving. We can become receptive to love.
It makes life better. Do you want a black and white TV, or color?
Update: I just realized that I have to give 17 an amulet and instruct her to touch it and feel my love whenever she gets lonely. Symbols like teady bears can really work. An important first baby step towards being able to internalize affection.