Regarding marriage, Renfrew said:
Anyway, for most people, nothing works — or doesnt work very well at least — because they lack the self-knowledge and competence to know, and then get, what they want out of relationships.
The more you learn and the more you build your value and the more you put your learning and value to practice the more your options change. And that changes what you want. It’s a complicated feedback loop.
We are built, as humans, to want what we can get. I think I got that right. Unrealistic expectations make us unhappy. It’s the theme of countless cartoon shows and sit-coms. In my day everyone had seen the Gilligans Island episode where the castaways eat some magic sunflower seeds, suddenly get mind reading abilities, and their lives then all turn to shit due to being angered by each others insulting thoughts. Turns out that people getting what they want only causes trouble, is the recurring theme. Don’t want so much, all the TV shows explain.
Over and over in show after show the nail that stands out gets hammered down. You didn’t actually want that after all! If only you’d thought it through! I recall that it’s said in religions and even in some scientific studies that accepting what we have is a means of realizing happiness. Accept the now.
But the flip side of that is ambition, and improving your lot.
We can’t have ambition though. Because we can’t know what is a realistic goal. Until we learn and build our value. Then and only then can our goals change; when we realize that high ambitions are realistic.
Men want marriage in large part because that is seen as a realistic positive ambition.
Are there other realistic positive ambitions that are only available to men who have developed their knowledge and value and skill and circumstance and connections and social wherewithal?
For those who have not yet developed the realistic ability to achieve high ambitions, high ambitions will appear to them as nothing but trouble. Bullshit. Problematic. Or worse; antisocial.
In my life I’ve seen people build from scratch hugely ambitious goals. Some charismatic leaders for instance achieve just about every ambition possible. The technology is there. It can be implemented. Big ambitions are possible to realize.
I’ve already taken steps, and our group is daily taking steps. We have some great, positive, socially and personally fulfilling ambitions. Marriage is no longer seen by any of us as a positive ambition; our realistic goals are far greater. We are building momentum and great minds are joining in with their efforts. Male business lifestyle community using ALL the tools of motivation available to us. Hacking our systems and the systems of others with a grand vision in mind. It’s realistic. Big ambitions won’t occur to you until they are realistic.
Tonight is movie night and we are watching Robert Cialdini – The Power Of Persuasion.avi and will brainstorm about how to use the 6 ideas to promote one of our new businesses. This is of course about more than just maximizing our business efforts – we are learning influence, by doing. One small action on the way towards a very big vision.
Update: Can you recommend some other videos that you’d want to watch to help yourself and your group succeed?
An eye opening vid about influencing crowds:
These are mind boggling too:
It’s easy to view the videos as examples of problematic weaknesses in our minds – how open people are to manipulation. I’m looking at it from a more positive angle – what leverage can be used to achieve positive goals? Such levers have been used to great communal benefit in the past. We will take notes on all technologies, and seize the momentum.
There are so many psychological needs that are crying out to be met – value that can be given to others in return for our group and personal benefit. A large one of which is of course community and networking. Another is listening. Another is inspiring motivation.