Learning to think about relationships as power negotiations
Posted by xsplat on June 12, 2013
“The only good you are to me is how you make me feel. That’s it. If you want to try to change me by making me feel bad until I act the way you want, then forget it. I’m not going to change and that’s never going to work. So make up your mind – accept how I am and shut up and stop nagging me, or leave.”
laidnyc said: This is an excellent frame for men to have for LTRs.
Negotiations get more complex depending on her relative value. If she’s really hot and smart and good at flirting, you’d better be way up on the male totem pole if you want to play brinksmanship moves.
A lower value girl is easier to replace.
And if you don’t have realistic options for replacing the girl, you’re not likely to actually kick the girl out. In that case she wins by being emotionally draining with her drama. It makes you less appealing, as when you are out you will be in a funk angry at her instead of in a light hearted sociable flirty mood. This may be an ancient hard wired emotional tactic for women – be jealous and naggy in order both dissuade the man from sharing resources and make him browbeaten and pussy whipped and therefore less attractive.
So actually having a second apartment or real live other options will help better convey the gravity of your frame. It will come from your core, and your later mood will also be happier depending on your real live options.
Also, spinning plates hacks your own system and causes jealous dread inside you over losing her. Just as this does for women, it will do for you; it will make you appreciate her more and pay more attention to her, and give her your sexual A game. If your value to her isn’t high, she will leave you over fucking other women – so you’d better show her your worth.
Being more sexually interested in the girl is of course a great perk of fucking other women. Your general libido will raise, and each girl will get more fucking than if you only had either as a long term steady.
For both men and women, it’s not only a matter of having value, but of negotiating your best possible deal for that value.