Random Xpat Rantings

Contemplative dominance for the modern man

Plan backwards – start with what you want

Posted by xsplat on May 29, 2013

Let’s start with the biggest principles and work backwards to what specific actions to take.

I chose as my most important principle life satisfaction. I don’t see any tension in that between personal and communal satisfaction, as I see how making others happy also makes me happy, and so I reduce it down to personal satisfaction, knowing full well that I’ll be happiest if I also help others. And knowing that my satisfaction is primary and there will be times when I’ll chose that over helping others and even at the direct expense of others.

So, if I could create any world I wanted in order to maximize life satisfaction, what would I choose? What has made me happiest before? What was sustainable?

I’ve been very happy when in love, for the first six months to a year. That can be the peak of my sense of ease, contentment, joy, excitement, thrill, warm glow, sexual potency, delighted attention, and background buzz of joy-de-vivre.

I’ve also danced a happy dance every time I descended from my 10th floor apartment down the stairs in Thailand. I’d always sing to myself “It’s good to be alive”. During that time I’d been going to the gym regularly, so my big muscular chest would bob with each bounce. I also had from two to four regular girlfriends during this time. And I was semi-retired, with just enough work to keep me interested, and as much free time to pursue my favorite hobby – fucking – as I wanted.

Lately I’ve added male friends and business partners to what brings life satisfaction. It’s a big quality of life improvement – the kind of thing that once you get a taste of you never want to go without again.

Also I’m coming to realize that being motivated on a project is a form of life satisfaction in itself.

And so from all these elements I can piece together a working big picture:

1) Have the all male team be motivated in business and lifestyle projects, and work on those, in a good balance that captivates our interest but does not capture too much time – leaving plenty of time for fucking, sports, random accidental adventures, and so forth.
2) Have two main full time girlfriends that are deeply bonded to me, whom I love. A flower can not remain in bloom for years, but a garden can be cultivated to bloom throughout seasons and years. Being in love can be a lifestyle choice.
3) Have a third fuck buddy who I have crazy excellent sexual chemistry with.
4) Have sexual meetings with about two new random girls per month.
5) Travel for three weeks out of every three months.
6) Move home base location (with the crew of guys) every two years to a new city, preferably in a new country.
7) Have the business create lifestyle opportunities as well as wealth, such that we’ll have access to tens, then hundreds, then possibly thousands of attractive young women who will consider us very high status and eminently fuckable.

I’ve actually laid out in some detail all the actionable steps needed to realize this vision, and consider it practical. Every day we take further steps towards this. And so far I’ve got a good chunk of it realized.

This approach to life does not occur to most people. People have far more limited visions about what is achievable.

In your big picture, what is is that you want, if you could have anything at all? And then what do you think could be a realistic goal to take practical daily steps towards?

5 Responses to “Plan backwards – start with what you want”

  1. […] Plan backwards – start with what you want « Random Xpat Rantings […]

  2. booger said

    Hi xsplat,

    Lurker here. I’ve known about MGTOW for a few years now, but haven’t been fully red-pilled until a week ago (It took a while to thoroughly digest dalrock’s and rational male blog posts. The recent posts circa 2011, 2012 – were the ones that thoroughly exposed the feminine imperative). Feminism’s impact on the Philippines has only been through the westernized media, but the country has historically been deeply matriarchal so I doubt the feminine imperative will wane here. Of course through Western eyes the country is not as pussified as the west, but I tell you, pussified it is. No country is free from this imperative.

    What I love about your site the most is how it is still possible to “love” (i.e. deep conversion) a woman and not be a jaded cynical PUA. The fact that you don’t go for hookers endears me, since that’s also a core principle of mine. Since we want that emotional connection.

    Seeing as you’re mostly in SEA, and as I am Filipino, I would like more brutally honest disclosure regarding Filipina women you encountered. Especially any women in the A-B economic level, had any of them happen to be your lovers. I’m a recovering lower-Beta (self-assessment) and plan to reevaluate my sexual strategy. No way I can become thoroughly alpha and have girls calling me Daddy, but I’m trying to integrate as much Game as I possibly can. Your objective perspective and being able to just steamroll through women and through the bullshit makes your contributions to the manosphere valuable.

    Most of the posts I read were Thai related but of course they don’t speak much English. Lots of Filipinas speak much better English so I was wondering if you have any insight regarding their true nature, anything they hide from us local men. On the internet, the consensus is that they’re happily married with whites or scammers lol.

    Thanks man.

    • xsplat said

      Good to get your feedback.

      I lived in Cebu and Moalboal for a year about 8 years ago, but mostly dated one girl that whole time. BPD nutso hottie. We spent much of our time fucking, and I didn’t socialize much, so I doubt I have any useful commentary on Filipinas in general.

  3. Renfrew said

    Couldn’t agree more about the narrowness of mentality regarding the sources of satisfaction in a man’s life that’s rampant in the community. Cheers for pointing that out.

    My question is about how you handle the logistics, including the — how shall I put it? — psycho-logistics of having multiple parallel intimacies, particularly with respect to the two primaries (the secondaries and tertiaries tend to take care of themselves, I’m guessing, whereas the primaries would require some active management on your part).

    Do the primary girls spend time with each other (sexually and/or nonsexually)? Do the girls know each other in passing? Do they even know *about* each other (either explicitly, e.g., first-name basis, or tacitly, e.g., don’t ask don’t tell)? Or does it depend on the situation? Just how do you play this? I’m dying of curiosity, and it’s not something much considered by the narrow manosphere types. Of all the people on the web writing about this, I think your opinions would be among the most valid.

    If you’ve covered this before, maybe you can’t point out the links to the relevant posts.

    I’m wrestling with this myself (a quality problem, to be sure) but have found a firm policy to be elusive, which is why I seek your learned counsel.

    By way of background, my live-in knows I’m not monogamous and is comfortable enough with that provided I’m discrete, and most of it happens out of town. In other words, these terms are not her first choice (i.e., I used my leverage to strike a favourable deal), but out of love (and a deep femininity that’s naturally enlightened about such matters) she sucks it up knowing it’s vitally important to me, and she doesn’t feel resentment about it (somewhere deep down she may also know the more powerful, loved-up and blissed-out I am, the better off she is). But she does lack what the old-school polyamorists termed “compersion” — taking pleasure of your own in the pleasure of your lover. So, this freedom is something she gives me without resentment, but isn’t something she consciously enjoys.

    A final thought which, when I had the insight many years ago, helped my “frame” immensely, and so I share it with readers whom it might also help. It relates well to your “everyone has an agenda” musings from a few days ago. Here goes….

    In the financial markets, a transaction takes place at the bid price, at the ask price, or somewhere in between; those are the only possible outcomes. The same is true in romantic/sexual relationships.

    To elaborate upon the metaphor, the dominant paradigm in most cultures today posits that the bargain always is to be struck at the woman’s asking price rather than the man’s bidding price, and that it’s somehow not a kosher sale if the deal occurs on the man’s side of the mid-price (Ayn Rand’s concept of the “sanction of the victim” leaps to mind…where men in this case, en mass, are the willing, sanctioning victims, brainwashed into construing the female asking price as “take it or leave it” when in fact it’s highly negotiable *if* the man has leverage and is willing to use it).

    Anyway, five years ago I realised it was my job as a man to negotiate relationship terms at (or closer to) my bid, with the goal of striking a relationship bargain at a point extremely favourable to me but where buyer’s remorse on the woman’s part was narrowly avoided (i.e., very little consumer surplus for her! Which, if we go deep into sexual market theory, and deep into her psyche, is arguably what she really wants anyway…but I digress).

    Anyway, when we’re talking about a brief fling, how much buyer’s remorse a man is willing to risk inducing in a gal he seduces comes down to conscience (or, possibly, level of consciousness…but let’s not get fancy). But when we’re talking about a sustained affair (“the garden,” in your simile), it is obviously counterproductive to strike a deal that causes buyer’s remorse.

    Upshot: guys, don’t be afraid to negotiate a “romantic transaction” on your terms, but if that deal is a longer-term one, it behooves you to have massive leverage so that said deal on your terms is still good enough for her (from her legitimate vantage point) that it leaves her exquisitely happy.

    • Renfrew said

      PS Her bonding to you, in addition to being an phenomenal joy in its own right (as well as a privilege and responsibility — why doesn’t this ever get mentioned?), is also a huge form of leverage over her, which may be why Xsplat goes on about it so frequently. It may also be one reason why Xsplat decries the full-on aloof PUA style, which while it *might* spike attraction in a very, very real way, is ultimately limited in its power to bond a girl to you, at least where we’re talking about a girl with, um, threshold psychological maturity who has a basic awareness of her own sexual nature. (Argument ad absurdum: hoes may indeed be bonded to their pimps, and we probably all have something to learn from pimps, but hoes, for whatever their virtues and vices, are typically under the left half of the psycho-spiritual bell curve). Restated, aloof game is indeed efficacious (for men of certain temperaments only, however) in getting the girl into bed, but it lacks efficacy in getting her into your life in a way likely to provide deep or ongoing satisfaction. For a guy like Xsplat, if I read him correctly, and he’s certainly not alone, bedding a girl in an aloof way even for a one-night stand either a) isn’t efficacious given who he is, or b) isn’t gratifying enough to bother doing.

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