Random Xpat Rantings

Contemplative dominance for the modern man

zionController teaches us about training a woman

Posted by xsplat on January 13, 2013

the red pill redditSaw this today on the newish theredpill redit. It was like reading my own thoughts. The author is zionController:


This is a guide I have used to scrub some feminine imperative imposed attitudes on the women I have dated. It is not going to work in every single case or for every single person, but I have made it work in some of the most unlikely scenarios. The reason it works is because women just want someone strong enough to lead them. Someone they can be subordinate too. They crave a captain, and sometimes you just have to say “I’m the captain, and you’re going to do what I say”. A lot of the things I write about will presuppose a few things:

1. You are physically fit. You don’t need to be Don Draper, but you had better know your way around a squat rack.

2. You are moderately accomplished. You won’t get anywhere without a paycheque you can be proud of, or some skills that make you useful.

3. You have pretty sharp game. You are going to need to have some grace and tact. This comes from gaming people.

Those three things are things everyone here should be trying to acheive already, and if you haven’t, you need to work on it. Now… on to the guide.

One of the 10 basic principles of economics is that People respond to incentives. This serves as the basis for most of these lessons. If a company want to inrease sales by ten % in a quarter, they can issue a coupon in a daily newspaper to save 50 cents on their product. The people who are on the fringe of buying the product will go out there in the cold and buy the damn thing, increasing sales. This is what drives business. Have you ever seen a 2 for 1 sale and then bought TWO things you didn’t even want, just because it was like getting 50% off? I know you have. And most people have. The company dangles a carrot in front of your face and you get your things and they get their money. What I’m going to show you is how to do this to your woman. You want her to act more feminem, and what does she want? A strong man thing to tell her what to do, and praise her once in a while. Your praise has to be scarce. Reserve it only for when she’s done something good.

Lesson 1 – Sex

You have to dominate your women in bed. This means being selfish. This means doing whatever you want to her. Unapologetically have your way with her. Finger her and make her suck your fingers off. Then tell her how hot that was and how well she gets you off. Blow your load on her face, tell her how beautiful it makes it. Don’t EVER break eyecontact when dirty talking. Ever. Push your woman’s face down to the pillow. Rub your hand all over her face. Pick her up and move her. You basically go primal.

It is important to take it whenever you want. When a woman tells me she’s tired, I tell her ‘I don’t fucking care, you’re pussy belongs to me and I’m going to fuck it whenever I want” – I have never had a woman say no to me after this. It is dominant. They respect that. You can’t say this half asses, you need to know you’re in charge. Its okay to tell her you’re in charge too. “I’m in charge, you do what I say, do you understand? Say yes” She’ll say yes.

If she actually resists and its not fake resistance (ie- dom sub or roleplaying resistance) than obviously stop.

Doing this sets the tone for the rest of your relationship and makes everything else come naturally.

Lesson 2 Dishes and cooking

If you’re buying food, you have no reason to cook or clean a damned thing unless you decide that in the heat of the moment, you’re going to cook your favourite dish.

You can get her to do the dishes and clean by a) ordering it and then b) following up with delicious praise.

Example: “Why are there so many dirty dishes? Why aren’t you doing the dishes? If I buy all the food, you should be cleaning the dishes.” or “How about we trade? Why don’t you buy everything, and I’ll cook and do the dishes for you sometimes” and don’t be afraid to show your value with “If you don’t wanna do your job, then maybe you’ll just need to go to your own apartment. This doesn’t work for me”. Its really important that you are firm with this. You demonstrate a lot of value by being able to legitamately say this. Your game should be tight enough that you don’t care about her loss if she does leave, which she might.

When she caves and is cooking for you and doing dishes, its time to provide incentive. Go up behind her, tell her how much it turns you on to see her be so feminine. Rub your boner against her. She’ll be skeptical about how serious you are because she’s been told since birth its insulting for a woman to clean anything. She has been raised to be a princess, remember. So praise her for cleaning.

You’re a good woman, and I’m so glad you’re around is my go to line. I use this to positively reenforce all feminine behaviour. Say this with a straight face and solid eye contact. If she gives you some fucked up ‘did you just say that’ face, which you’ll likely get at first, follow up with ‘I’m serious. I love it when you clean for me. I’m really glad I have you’ DEAD PAN SERIOUS FACE. Fuck her like Lesson 1 after this if you really wanna drive it home.

Get her used to hearing “You’re a good woman” and if she says something snippy back say “I take it back, you’re not a good woman” she’ll be hurt. As much as feminism makes women not want to hear ‘you’re a good woman’, their internal instincts make them DREAD hearing ‘you’re NOT a good woman’. This is the basis for all behaviour modifcation. If she does not comply, tell her she’s a bad woman, or a failure as a a woman.

This all depends on you being successful as a man. Learn as much as you can about positive masculinity to effectively do this.

Lesson 3 – Positive Masculinity

Be a man, for God’s sake. You’re a man! Lift heavy things. Take the long hard route. Focus on bettering yourself. Learn an instrument. Its hard? Yeah, of course, but you’re a man so you can do it. Earn MORE MONEY and STOP SPENDING frivolously. MOVE MOUNTAINS TO MAKE THE WORLD AROUND YOU INTO SOMETHING YOU FIND DESIRABLE.

Learn to build things. Learn abotu tools, how the work, and what they do, even if you don’t need them RIGHT NOW. Get skilled. Learn to program. Stop being a lazy pussy boy slob. Go game, swallow your pride. Do squats and deadlifts. Its hard. Most people don’t like doing them. But you’re a MAN NOW. Learn how to FIGHT. Especially if you don’t want to fight. How can you boss around a woman when you’re a woman yourself?

I love shaving with a straight razor. My girlfriend was telling people at her work a story and it involved me shaving with my razor on a Sunday night.

One of the chode managers with a failing marriage says “pff what kind of person shaves on a Sunday night” she says “A MAN with a straight razor!!” She brags about my manliness to other men who would try to DLV me when I’m not even there. If you’re a man who embraces positive masculinity, your woman will know, and love you for it. If you bend to her will and act like a feminine pussy man, she will resent you and defer her affections for a man like me.

This is not an exhaustive guide, but it should be a solid primer for anyone looking to get their relationship on track.

18 Responses to “zionController teaches us about training a woman”

  1. avd said

    Solid primer. Also, I have her, on her way over to my place, stop to buy wine and at least some of the ingredients we’ll be preparing… pure catnip.

  2. Having them bring you wine is a key move that I use often.

  3. After reading some of your blog posts, I can see why you describe it as ‘like reading your own thoughts’. We have very similar views on the matter: https://xsplat.wordpress.com/2012/12/05/its-all-a-ritual-of-devotion-make-me-a-sandwich/

  4. Hero said

    The other day, I wanted to reinforce that my wife makes the bed while I’m at work.

    While rubbing up against her…

    me: It’s such a turn on when you make the bed.
    her: Why?
    me: It shows that you respect our bed.
    her: I do respect our bed.

    A day later…

    her: I made the bed!
    me: (with the proud daddy twinkle in my eye) I see that.

    • avd said


      Seemingly meaningless detail, which I suspect, has had asymmetrically meaningful results in your marital relationship.

      Every child wants a strong leader who they trust to teach them how to develop into a more optimal human; even boys, until they hit puberty, at which point they tend to want to figure things out for themselves (which is why it’s critical for children that they have strong fathers in their lives during their youngest years). Females–the juvenile wiring of their brains being what it is–never outgrow the innate desire to please a strong male leader who they trust with their wellbeing.

      • Hero said

        I suspect in a good relationship there are a lot of seemingly meaningless details which have asymmetrically meaningful results.

        Recently my wife wrote me a little note that said “I love the way you express yourself with your hands”. It made me think about the things that i communicate and that she valued what I was communicating with touch.

        I think kino is a genuine reward for women. You can reward your girl simply by touching her. There are many times that I don’t speak to thank her or tell her she did well. I simply touch her in a loving way. I make a conscious choice to put energy and intention into my touch.

        Obviously, you can also guide and discipline with touch. It’s a very powerful thing.

  5. dan said

    Loving the praise portion of it. This is paramount. I already treat them decently (like stupid worthless children who are meant to serve and obey), but to have a partner that’ll aid me on the quest of life would be great.

    Are there any other ways to express love or reinforce positive behavior other than your modus operandi. “You’re a good woman and I”m glad to have you around.”

    Roissy suggested the custom gifts route. I like to initiate convos on things the woman talks about (is this losing frame control?) which is a habit from the past. Or a creative compliment. Any others?

    • Phedre said

      Dan, initialting conversations on things she cares about only works (ie/ makes her happy and does not make you lose frame) if it’s something that you care about even a little bit as well. I don’t mean that it needs to be a shared interest. That’s a different kind of conversation. Rather, it might be a hobby/craft of hers that you’re impressed by, or maybe you admire her ability to dress well frugally. In other words, it can be something you totally don’t care about as an activity/topic, but you should like that she cares about it.

      She knows if you don’t and then you will just be losing frame, because it’s like you’re pandering to her wishes (to talk about something you couldn’t care less about).

      But if it is something you genuinely like to see her engaged with she will also know, and your bringing it up will feel incredibly good. As good or better than any gift. It makes her feel like she’s *your* woman.

      She’ll bask in it and prattle about the topic a bit, just to extend the moment, but don’t let her go on too long or you’ll be losing frame.

    • Dan, my other favourite lines that didn’t make it into this guide are two easy questions:

      1) Who do you love? – she’ll say “you” or “I love you” Then you go to question 2

      2) Who’s my special girl? – she’ll smile and giggle and say “I am!!” or “Me!!”

      There, she proffesses it herself. The more you say something out loud, the more you believe it. Get her to say it outloud

      • xsplat said

        Or if you want to add a little twist:
        Who’s your Daddy?
        Who’s Daddy’s little bitch?

      • avd said

        Dictate your reality and have her repeat it back to you, like a waitress repeating your order, but in first person, and it becomes so. (Lots of caveats and nuance, but that’s the gist of it.)

        The joys of females. Caveat emptor…bear in mind the inescapable cosmic accounting of assets and liabilities.

  6. dan said


    Thanks a bunch Phedrizzle!

    I am genuinely curious about almost anything (extremely avid reader) so it would be nice. Plus attention is always good.

    I figure there’s a few angles inw hich I can provide attention:

    Positive: Joking, teasing, saying whatever’s on my mind, enthusaistically talkign about futuer plans, praise, roleplay

    Neutral: Discussion on a whatever topic/Professional type communication/Public type communication/Commanding

    Negative: Ignoring/Cutting off/Grunting/Speaking briefly, Negging,

    And a healthy balance of it.

    I’m a Westerner and aiming to cultivate a solid old-school relationship with humble immigrant girls, and the recurring effect always happens.. Some get bored to tears through the predictable lovely dovey weak sh!t, some put on shields when one is a bit too aloof and love half-azzedly, others just blame everything. I love xsplat’s choice to use loving dominance because being a rock-like father figure is exactly the kind of thing women need in a sea of betas and catty b!tches.

    The things to completely avoid are clinginess, predictability, I told you so’s, and trying to “fix the solution” when they are opening communication lines via talking.

    • Hero said

      Remember the adage: What you feel, she feels. So, when you feel good about yourself, the way you think and your actions, then she will feel good about you too.

      That works with more than just positive feelings. It’s about being righteous with yourself and your feelings and actions. So, trust yourself and your feelings so that when you feel like being positive, be positive. When you feel like being angry, be angry.

      For instance, a lot of guys will be worried that if they say something in anger to their girl that she will get mad. The reason she gets mad is that he doesn’t express his anger in a confident way. He is worried and unsure.

      Experiment with this concept. Say whatever you feel like and do it with confidence even if it is expressing anger towards a woman.

      Women will respond positively to that feeling of confidence and righteousness. Remember that she can be attracted to you and upset at the same time. Let her be upset. She will come around and when she does she will be more attracted to you than before.

      • Phedre said

        “The reason she gets mad is that he doesn’t express his anger in a confident way.”

        Exactly right. She can feel your emotions anyway. You suppressing their full expression just turns her off, or if she’s a dramatic sort, makes her mad.

        “Remember that she can be attracted to you and upset at the same time. Let her be upset. She will come around and when she does she will be more attracted to you than before.”

        Right again. She will never be truly, deeply upset at a genuine expression of your emotions, no matter how harsh. She might say something negative about it, or she might pout for a while, but it will pass quickly and she will actually love and respect you more in each instance (even while she’s pouting).

        To be even more precise, it’s like this: she feels your negative emotion. This creates a certain tension in her. Had she been trained in compassion or attained a high state of consciousness, that tension would actually be the feeling of compassion. But if she’s an average woman (or a more enlightened one on a bad day), she’ll just feel this aggravating tension. The longer she continues to feel your negative emotion without seeing you own it, the more the tension will build up. At some point it’ll become too much to bear and she’ll say or do something stupid/annoying/infuriating. A part of it will be her trying to elicit the full expression of your emotion/state of mind; a part will just be her trying to release her own tension. This is the point when you have women doing seemingly irrational things and being dramatic.

        If you are always owning your states of mind – or as Hero says, being ‘righteous with yourself and your feelings and actions’ – then those outbursts will be massively reduced or even fully eliminated.

    • Phedre said

      You sound like you’ve got the gist of it, Dan.

      If I had to sum it up very concisely I would say that you should let yourself be drawn to her and enjoy her but be set in your ways at the same time.

      Xsplat has talked about the first part quite a bit lately. I think this is really important, and I think a lot of the dissatisfaction with the Red Pill reality that guys talk about has to do with forgetting about this aspect. If you can’t enjoy a woman’s presence, really, genuinely, then you’ll never be able to have anything more than a series of pump-and-dumps. Depressing indeed.

      You have to let yourself be carried away by the moment, and when you do that those positive angles that you mention will just happen on their own. Most women can tell when positive attention is fake. They won’t be offended by it, but they’ll take it as mere flirting. They won’t be affected by it, they won’t be bonded to you through it. In fact, *because* it will feel like mere flirting, it will actually create a certain emotional distance for them. If you want to create bonding, you have to be genuinely feeling those positives.

      But at the same time you have to be yourself. This is where your neutral and especially negative attentions come in. Again, if they are ‘fake’, most women will be able to tell and then you’ll just be coming off as an asshole. These should just come through as you being yourself. The moment she is doing something that bothers you in any way, you address it. She will feel your boredom/irritation/resentment anyway, but will in a sense keep it in the subconscious, continuing with the behaviour until you put an end to it. All the while she’s waiting she’s getting progressively turned off by you. This is much less dramatic than it sounds, it’s only a very very subtle and gradual effect, but it does build up over months/years.

      The good news is that once you’ve maintained this for several years you can start to be a bit less rigid about it. The behaviours will be pretty engrained in you by this point, but you’ll be able to slip up here and there without any consequences (ie/ tantrums/drama/loss of attraction). This is where guys who say ‘if it takes doing this for life, forget it’ are missing the boat. On the one hand, the behaviour starts to come naturally, on the other hand it’s not as bad when you slip up, because over the years of you doing it right the woman will have built up so much love and respect for you that a few slips here and there no longer shift her state of mind.

      Out of curiosity, of what provenance are your ‘humble immigrant girls’?

  7. jake said

    x, come on. women are princesses. we should worship the ground they walk on, and beat down any man who talks like that … terrible, terrible sexist ways. it’s not the 1950’s, for sakey’s sake.

    in other news, i say we should stop using leashes for our pet dogs. and also, dogs need equal rights. eat from proper dishes, at the table. sit on the couch. bark at things, run around everywhere. i think that’s the next logical step in our undoing.

  8. Hi Xsplat, a commenter on my blog recently recommended I check out your writing. I like what I see so far, I’m going to follow you. Look forward to reading more.

  9. Boy Toy said

    Good basic tips. I really agree with those.
    Make the girl act feminine, then reward her for doing it.
    She will turn more and more feminine, which is fucking awesome.
    Stuff like this should be what we learn in school. Not feminist bullshit.
    Greetings from Denmark
    – Thomas

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