Random Xpat Rantings

Contemplative dominance for the modern man

Your attitude is hypnotic

Posted by xsplat on January 1, 2013

Hypno-toadReader T re-read an old post and asks for “More of this”:

Hypnotize your woman

Posted by xsplat on October 2, 2010

About 11 days after the first date with my super hottie virgin, we made plans to marry.

A tip for how to entrance your own wench; use suggestion often. Tell your girl “Every day you will fall deeper and deeper in love with me”. “One day I’m going to own every last piece of you”. “Step by step you will fall more in love. At first you won’t notice it, but then I’ll go away on a trip and your whole body will ache and you won’t be able to think about anything but me. Then when I’m back every day will be like Christmas and your birthday, and you will feel taken care of and warm.”

Hypnotic suggestion works. I use such tricks often, in the subtlest of ways, simply by word choices. Rather than “God damn I missed you today – I couldn’t concentrate on my work and couldn’t stop thinking about you”, its “Welcome back to our happy apartment! Now we are happy people!” or “Seems you haven’t been able to stop thinking about me, isn’t it?”

But sometimes I drop most of the NLP and admit what borders on too much. “I need a nap. Come on the bed. I haven’t been able to sleep. I need your smell so I can sleep”. This is still slightly depersonalized, but starts to expose underbelly. The notion here is I can show some degree of underbelly, as she shows me hers. It’s actually necessary.

That was an inspired moment, more than a calculated one. So rather than teach the calculations, I’d need to talk about how to be inspired.

Our attitudes create a feedback loop. If your experiences have led you to see that women are fickle, hypergamous, amoral, incapable of justice, accountability or introspection, flighty, calculating, duplicitous, dissimulating attention whores who cultivate a clique of sweet beta orbiters to cry to about their alpha bad boys, then you’ll learn to give up on romance. Women aren’t capable of it, and even if they were, they are not deserving of it. Your experiences will have set your attitude, and now your attitude will set up your new experiences. You’ll go into dealings with women with this attitude, and it will affect your outcome. With such an attitude you won’t be able to entrain the womans moods into a hypnotic resonance with your positive vibe, because you won’t have any positive feelings and experiences inside of you to draw from.

In order to share a positive vision of warm happy feelings, we need to have a library of positive feelings and associations inside us, and we need a library of examples of how people share these feelings together. The best way I know to develop such a library is to hang out with positive people. People you really respect, people you want as your mentors. In my life my Father and my Grandmother were very influential, and I also carefully sought out the company of people that I held in high regard. They all embodied a positive attitude.

So let’s write that down as number 1.
1) Seek out positive, cheerful role models and hang out with them. Look towards them as your mentors and study them and learn.

But our experiences and attitudes will never match up with those of our friends and teachers, and so we learn to use our selves as our teachers. A big part of that includes taking the time and attention to develop self compassion – to develop a warm heart, and a kindness towards ourselves. The Buddhists have the lowdown on this, and Pema Chodron is one of the best teachers of loving kindness. Learning to feel a warm kindness is priceless. Buddhists call it “the precious jewel of Bodhicitta”, Bodhicitta translating to “awakened heart”. I’ve hung out with people who do meditation practices for a few hours per day as an investment in developing a continual feeling of warmth and empathy. Those people wind up becoming rather magnetic; people want to be around them.

So let’s put that down as number 2.
2) Cultivate an inner glow of contentment and affection.

But 1 and 2 would not have led me to seducing the hottie virgin on that day. For that I needed inspiration. Polarity. Attraction. Lust. That came from two places – one, I was horny, and two, she was attractive. Which can be our:

3) Cultivate a lifestyle of increasing libido. This includes all the testosterone enhancing lifestyle choices, such as food, sports and exercise, raising social status and being social with it, as well as meditations and chi-kung.

4) Screen for girls that you are very attracted to, and ignore the rest. They should light you on fire, and you should want to be with them.

But we still need something more. We need a vision. This is going to come from your reservoir of personal histories, so that means you need a lifestyle of cultivating positive experiences to draw from.

I’ll leave it here for now.

4 Responses to “Your attitude is hypnotic”

  1. DrT said

    One of your points was “being horny”. Isn’t it odd that our language doesn’t have a proper word for this – only a juvenile and colloquial one. Horniness is sexual energy, or rather the immediate possession of such energy. Clearly our society fears and lacks understanding of such a thing, and gives it a dismissive term associated with immaturity.
    Unlike in some Eastern traditions, young men are not taught to harness the power of their horniness. Indeed, the idea that male orgasm, especially through masturbation, dissipates an important energy is actively mocked in many quarters.

    • halibetlector said

      It’s not just the male orgasm that’s diminished by the juvenile vocabulary, it’s the female orgasm too. And by extension, the act of sex. There aren’t many non-juvenile phrases in American culture relating to sex. I just see it as a side effect of the puritan culture.

  2. your insights just keep getting more brilliant. whenever i read some mano-crap about whores and bitches and notches, my face sneers. whenever i used to write like that, i felt uncomfortable with myself. it’s our own failure when we are surrounded by a world we don’t enjoy. we create almost all of it. our jobs, our homes, our friends, are all our choices.

    leave it to x to point out how to get your house in order. thanks!

  3. rivsdiary said


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