When I hear men talk about sex being a base, primal, animalistic urge, when I hear men disparage other men for thinking with their dicks, I know that these men are sexually and spiritually under-developed.
There are hierarchies of psychological development we go through, among many different lines. Developmental psychologist Piaget was one of the first to outline the broad structure, and others including Ken Wilber later expanded on his work and applied it to many other lines of development humans have available.
Sexual development can mature into a whole body/mind/spirit communion of the most refined expression of our selves.
Buddhists spend a great deal of time and effort and focus on realizing the nature of mind. They’ll gather together in the meditation hall, and sit silently, staring at the floor in front of them. I’ve hung out with groups doing this for an hour a day after work, or 8 hours a day in a week long retreat, or for a month long retreat, or for a three month retreat. And I’ve done even more rigorous training alone living in isolated forest cabins or tents, for 4 weeks, 9 weeks, 11 weeks. The notion is that the nature of mind is meant to be somehow or other a wordlessly divine thing. That the self and all appearances have a nature that you could call “guru’s mind”, and that devotion is appropriate to it. To all. Every motion and every appearance is to be realized as mind, and the essence of mind is wisdom and compassion.
In Buddhism we practice hearing, contemplating, and holding the view. So you read and listen to teachings, think about them and resolve all your questions, and then use that information to hold a mental map of the world, that you use as your lens. So when you start to see that the nature of mind includes a desire to be happy, then you start to see how compassion is built into how the mind works. When you start to have lucid dreams in which it becomes clear that the dreamer and the dream are both dreamed, then the subject/object duality of perceiver and perceived starts to loosen, and perceptions start to seem to just perceive themselves, without the need for a central processor to take credit for perceiving. Things just become vivid despite you, not because of you. And from this foundation of a view, you can look into other people, and intuit the same nature of mind.
There are spiritual practices that people do to recognize divinity in each other. The Sufies like to stare into each others eyes. Many traditions have their rituals, and spontaneous recognitions can happen seemingly randomly. I was at an eclectic gathering for a Jewish ritual in a Hindu ashram one day, when I saw god in the eyes of a pretty young girl. The moment lasted maybe a half of a second, but it was like a bright white explosion went off. It was a powerful experience for me, and had aftereffects that lasted for a few days. Everyone I saw had an inner divine essence, that I was somehow or other connecting with.
When you practice body centered meditations, it’s like cooking. You get a sense for the ingredients. It’s not just undifferentiated sacred foodstuff, but there are endless combinations of nuance possible. You have the heart chakra, which is like nitrous frothed whipping cream. You have the energies in the 2nd chakra in the belly just above the crotch, which is like a mildly spicy bean and chili sauce. It’s not just undifferentiated food, but it’s tastes and textures and feelings. With chi-kung you feel into them, but also learn how to mix and match and move these around. Coupled with the Buddhist view of all experience being sacred, or an expression of Buddha Nature, and you start to feel that inside your chest is something very, very good. And that this good thing is not strictly confined, but can mix with the world and with others.
And not just the heart energies, but all the energies, and moods, and words, and images and songs and touches and ecstasies and orgasms. You are love playing with love.
With chi-kung healing touch, you learn to feel into another person. You rest your hand above or on the person, and project your attention through your hand and into the person. Your heart rate will drop, you’ll get a calm full bodied appreciation of all your energies from below your feet to above your head, and you will listen. Listen as if you are trying to hear inside of her.
I took one class where we were instructed to listen as if we were trying to hear God. To recognize god in the other person.
There is a way to mingle with another that is not only deeply respectful, but it is meaningful.
Humans are built to want meaning in their life.
I can look back over what I’ve written here, and take many different stances. I can take it literally, as I did at the time, that there are real energies, and that the nature of mind is indeed sacred and profound. Or I can take it all as a happy delusion. I no longer much care which is true – I don’t really need it to be real anymore. But it is real, in that the kinesthetic visualizations are very detailed and powerful mental maps that have real world cause and effect consequences. When I touch a woman and move my mind into her, even if she has no meditative training, she’ll remark to me how my hands just feel right into her. The effect of chi-kung sex vs regular sex on a woman is day and night. When I see God in the eyes of a lover, my pupils will dilate, which will cause hers to dilate, which will cause a chain reaction of endorphins and pheromones and an instant falling in love will happen between us. No matter what the “ultimate” explanation of reality is, the viewpoint of feeling and seeing and conceptualizing divine energies is practical. It has very practical effects.
And it feels good.
I’ll write more later.