Random Xpat Rantings

Contemplative dominance for the modern man

Outwitting women by using our emotions as tools

Posted by xsplat on November 9, 2012

Dillon: I don’t think MGTOW avoid intimacy. They simply cannot find intimacy on the terms they are looking for so they have given up. (So have many women). One cannot go on strike if one isn’t even employed. Involuntary MGTOW is actually men sent their own way.

Unfortunate really.

I just woke up from a dream, in which I was dealing with my BPD ex-wife, only now as a more mature man with more psychological capability to deal with a nutbar like that while still maintaining hand and not getting flustered.

My young self would have been best advised to GMOW and avoid her, as she was a bad risk/reward.

And on waking I reflected on how dealing with women in general can be like that. The learning curve is steep. We learn by mistakes, as well as successes, and the mistakes can be painful and costly. Becoming a person who can maintain hand and enjoy dealing with women is a process that includes a lot of getting fucked over. And the process is never complete.

I like the approach of the PUAs. They define a problem, break it down into manageable parts, and then address each part one by one to find a workable solution. Whereas I can understand that sometimes we are not in a mental, emotional, or financial position deal with women, who are all at least a little bit BPD, at the very least I see no reason why a person who is better off avoiding them won’t just set them aside for now with the thought that when they are older and more all around capable they might be up to the task. Or if not that realize that some OTHER men are up to the task.

But the MGTOW crowd there band together into a support group and re-enforce each others beliefs as a religion. That these beliefs are grounded in facts only solidifies them as set in concrete rigid, and prevents them from looking for a workaround and adapting successfully.

Anyone who has read much of my blog will see many themes that MGTOW crowd talk about brought up. Only here I approach it not from a “don’t women suck, let’s avoid them” position, but from a “here are my experiences, and here’s how I found I could deal with it” approach. For every insurmountable problem the MGTOW found, I found a workable solution.

But that confounds and irritates them, to the point where they become apoplectic. There are no solutions! Only MGTOW is a solution! The first, last, final and only real solution!

It’s religious.

The MGTOW solution would have been a good one for my young self attempting a marriage to a hostile wife. Naturally at that age I was incompetent and inexperienced and not yet wise enough in the ways of the world to be able to deal with manipulative women while maintaining the upper hand and composure.

But yet if I’d gone that route, there is no possibility I’d have ever learned the skills that I now practice.

I don’t know if it’s like this for all men, but for me the mental re-organization could not have come about without some profound and destabilizing shifts. The process included horrendous heartbreaks and one full out nervous breakdown. Hell of a learning curve.

My ex drove me to have a nervous breakdown, twenty years ago. I wasn’t capable against her. Whereas nowadays I’d never let myself be drawn into that level of bullshit to begin with. Instead of getting drawn into her dramas I’d treat her like a child, only with much more skill than your average parent. My current self has a whole different set of power-tools for dealing with manipulative psycho chicks. And yes, one of those tools is simply avoiding them.

But how did I get to this point of greater facility? They didn’t teach this stuff in my high school. “Maintaining hand over a BPD, 551″. I had to learn the hard way, through trial and effort, consulting a community of peers and sharing experiences and tips, and using that newly organized information to try again. And again. And so through time and experience and many failures learn how to deal with women in a way that creates enjoyment and satisfaction.

I’m not claiming there is no more drama now, or that the pleasures of women ever becomes entirely cost free. But it is plainly obvious to me that the mountain of advantages of a lifestyle that includes a loving and attentively doting hot and sexy early twenties something girl far outweigh the little piles of scum of the downsides.

Learning to be at that level of skill where a guy can attract and maintain attraction of a hot girl with options and keep her hypnotically under his spell while at the same time refusing to marry her or concede to any of her nest building and baby making instincts is a very, very complicated challenge. Not to be underestimated. A challenge worthy of the brightest and most socially capable among us. Women are masters at manipulating and controlling men. But after time, the capable man can turn the tables and out puppet the puppet master. Even while loving and fucking them.

Can you imagine that? Using your own emotions of feeling loving and bonding IN ORDER to at the same time manipulate another girls feelings? That’s some pretty high level stuff, right? You’d need an extremely fine level of emotional control and a strong sense of personal boundaries to not lose at that game! What kind of life experiences would a man have to go through to be able to learn to do that? To be able to approach emotions as if he were crafting and singing a song – with both detachment and embodied involvement at the same time?

Most men have never even considered the possibility of using their own emotions as a tool. They think emotions are what happens to them. Or that emotions are problematic and to be avoided. Instead we can harness them and play songs with them, and use those songs to manipulate the emotions of those around us. Fall a little bit in love so that others around us fall head over heels.

I realize that nowadays most guys feel that outright manipulation is somehow sick; that it’s not something they want to do. They don’t WANT to have hand in a relationship! They just want to be themselves and be accepted for who they are.

That’s of course a naive and childish view. This real world is a world of unspoken social hierarchy and command. Especially when dealing with women. In order to be effective at dealing with them, there is no option but to know the rules of the game that they play by. To know how they think. They don’t think like men do – not even like men with femininized brains do. It may be painful to contemplate their sick, sick ways, however that’s the only option if one wants to have any facility at all, let alone a winning skill. You play the game by the rules available – you win at their own game of manipulation, only you take it up twelve notches to a whole new level of game that they can’t even comprehend, using all your masculine powers of integration of facts into a big colossal integrated world view to attack them on multiple fronts to manipulate them to feel anything you want them to feel, and do anything you want them to do. Including feeling devotedly in love and acting doting every day in every way.

I don’t want to convert any MGTOWs into a different approach. But I’d be happy if some at least considered that success with women is an option for high aptitude men who devote the time and attention to practice it.

8 Responses to “Outwitting women by using our emotions as tools”

  1. Doc said

    “most guys feel that outright manipulation is somehow sick; that it’s not something they want to do.”

    I do not understand such a mind-set. I approach women the same way as I approach my business ventures. I gather as much information as possible, look at a cost-benefit analysis and using the information on hand will either bid or no-bid. If I happen to have some information which benefits me – I will use it. Many times in a bid process, you will try to figure out what the other guys will play up, and indirectly set why that is a bad idea and you’re going to do something different. You are attempting to manipulate the evaluators into seeing issues with how your competitors will do things.

    The same goes for women. Now if I came out and said, “Look, I want to have sex with you, because I think it’ll be fun for me. I don’t want any commitments, or strings, and I am NOT looking for a relationship in any way shape or form.” I can pretty much tell you what the result would be – even if she wasn’t looking for anything long term either – women need that facade to justify their actions. She can justify having sex with you that first night, by telling herself that you “clicked” and she saw possibilities. Now, if I can manipulate her mind-set through things I say, make her think that while, I’m not really looking, I’m not against finding “the right woman” – I will definitely do that. Heck, I do it all the time, and reap the rewards for doing so.

    Why wouldn’t you manipulate her, or anyone to get what you want? That is what people do to succeed, and it works. I would rather succeed in life, business, sex, etc – than fail. So anything that gives me an advantage, I will use to the fullest…

  2. Wudang said

    Maybe you can analyze the hormonal profile and personality disorder of these guys as well:


    The stuff I have read on that site is the most irrational and emotionally immature stuff I have ever read.

  3. t said

    With regards to using emotion, you mentioned before that you used to babysit and were also a salesman. So you had good social and manipulation skills. What about people who are introverted and have a monotone voice and are generally low energy. I know this is detracting from your topic a little but would appreciate your thoughts.

    • xsplat said

      Some people have remarked that my chosen profession was surprising, considering how introverted I am. I definitely don’t come across as outgoing, and people routinely comment on how reserved I appear. I’m described as shy, although I don’t particularly feel shy.

      So I’m a bit familiar with social deficits. Being a salesman was a way to work with that – it was somewhat of a conscious choice on my part to develop that part of myself and my life. After living in monasteries and solitary meditation retreats, and after being shut in with a wife and kid. It was a whole world of new ways of relating to the world crying out to be explored.

      I learned to be comfortable at my job, and even proficient. But I’m still introverted, and would probably still be described as shy in groups.

      I believe that introverts can really learn to shine one on one. We may even have advantages over extraverts here. We have a facility for sensing a feeling of shared space, an intimacy where two people feel close, and together in their actions, moods, and thoughts. If a guy learns about the general commonalities of how women think, feel, fuck, and relate to dominance, and so on, an introvert can play with the moods in the room and in the girl as if he is looking inside himself for inspiration to sing a spontaneous song, and he can play the situation with some spontaneous and fun engagement. Riff and jazz with the girl.

      Extraverts seem to be better at that in crowds. But I wonder if that doesn’t automatically make them less good at the one on one shared spaces, which are more focused on internal feelings.

      Even as a salesman my style could be described of as introverted, you might say. I’d get girls to tell me their stories. That was the entirety of my sales technique. Just asking them to tell me a story, and trading a good story for $2.00 off of a $10.00 purchase. I created intimacy between me and the customer, and the crowd around my wares. I created intimacy as my profession. That was my job, day after day, year after year. There was no showmanship involved at all – mostly I just listened and made a few witty comments and made people laugh.

      Babysitting developed valuable skills that relate to women, as it forces the man to take a managerial and paternal social role. I believe that this is lacking in most male/female relationships, and that it is crucial for the man to be able to take on – at least occasionally, if not full time.

      As for being monotone or low energy, the guy has to play to his strengths, whatever they are. We all have so many styles. I doubt I’d even be able to point out to other guys what there strengths are, but for some reason I have a (possibly unfounded) confidence that we all have some. Somewhere. For me I have magical powers in making girls feel a magical spark of connection. That’s my trick. I can look in her eyes and make my pupils dilate wildly and have hers do the same and get a spark between the eyes and make her swoon. I do that partly by generation a strong feeling of love at will, which dilates my pupils. The reaction from the girl is automatic. There are facial expressions that go along with the pupil dilation that mesmerize the girl.

      Regarding being monotone, one thing I’ve seen recommended to “find your voice” is to take up singing. Even if it’s just singing in the shower. Undoing blockages in the throat to let out a confident and free full range of expression is an important part of growing up. I’m sure we’ve all met people who seemed a little timid in the throat, and wished they could just get over themselves and speak up. There are also meditative exercises that focus on the throat to help open up a “cakra” there. The guy should be comfortable literally screaming during sex – he should be that vocally uninhibited. Some people do toastmasters to develop their speaking voice. I like telling stories, sometimes, if my audience is receptive. And singing in the car while driving alone is always a good idea, especially if you make up the words as you go.

      As for being low energy, that’s not a permanent state. There are things that can be done about that. Qi-gong especially can make dramatic differences in energy levels, especially when combined with sexual qi-qong, regular exercise including lifting, and a careful diet. For diet I’ve heard good things about avoiding flour and sugar, eating a lot of greens and some fruits and meats especially fish and chicken. With meditation and chi-kung and infrequent masturbating the energy levels can soar. Sometimes low energy is caused by candida, other intestinal disbiosis, or wheat allergy, so again staying away from wheat and sugar can make a dramatic improvement.

  4. t said

    If you are still shy in social situations, do you think it hurts your attraction in that you are considered less social savvy? Being socially dominant is something wen find attractive, but then again being the white guy in sea might just counter that.

  5. AKA said

    This is an interesting statement “Even as a salesman my style could be described of as introverted, you might say. I’d get girls to tell me their stories. That was the entirety of my sales technique. Just asking them to tell me a story, and trading a good story for $2.00 off of a $10.00 purchase. I created intimacy between me and the customer, and the crowd around my wares. I created intimacy as my profession. That was my job, day after day, year after year. There was no showmanship involved at all – mostly I just listened and made a few witty comments and made people laugh”

    Can you give a little more background on how you would coax the stories out of the girls? Verbatim if you can remember an example. How do you use this technique when meeting new girls?

    • xsplat said

      I have an unbelievably poor memory, however I can still learn, and produce meta-pictures of the data. So I have a functional memory, however it is quite different than most peoples. I can not remember most narrative histories, nor most faces or names. At the end of reading a book I won’t know the names of the main characters. But I will remember the plot. At the end of a school year I will not know the names of my fellow classmates, nor recognize most faces in the school yearbook. When gathered with friends, they will reminisce about times with me and I won’t remember any of it. I can re-read old cartoon books or even my own blog posts as if for the first time.

      All I remember saying is “tell me a story”.

      But when in the flow I can be engaging and congruous and quick on my feet. So there is an on the spot interplay. It would be different every time, to some small degrees. But ya, the basic script was very simple and I stuck with it. “Tell me a story.”

      “About what?” (people need a starting point)

      “About the most interesting thing that happened to you when you were six years old.”

      “About the most interesting thing that happened to you today.”

      “About the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to you.”

      • AKA said

        Perfect. That’s what I wanted to know. Does this line of attack work well when meeting new girls? I would suspect it does. In my single days I would say stuff like that after the initial attraction phase w/ a new girl. GIrls would always tell me that they had never met anyone like me. They would really get hooked on my ability to pull out different ranges of emotion with them.

        I have been married for 26 years. I believe that the ability to hook into a woman’s emotions like this is a big help in keeping long term relationships in tact.

        I”m also a huge fan of the way you construct a narrative for your girls to guide their thinking. You say stuff like “I’m the best thing that ever happened to you”. “I’m your daddy. You’re my slave” or words to that effect. It’s brilliant. If she really does not believe that in her heart, it will be difficult for her to repeat that. And if she cannot repeat it, it tells you a lot about what she thinks.

        Good stuff X.

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