Random Xpat Rantings

Contemplative dominance for the modern man

Is she your equal partner or your charge? Friend or daughter?

Posted by xsplat on October 19, 2012

Here is a comment left on Rollo’s blog by Gregg:

One of the very signs the man is still plugged balls deep in the matrix is his effort to EXPLAIN anything to women. Women are NOT our equals. They are not receptive to logic, ideas, words. They are receptive to matter – our bodies, our dicks, status and power, dominance, strength, aggresivity, while these things trogger automatic programs in them – acquisitive mode, “love”, anger, frustration, FEAR, etc.

If you want to actually communicate with women, you have to communicate with their CORE.

Gregg has put his finger on a major shift in relationship attitude here.

I hear many guys say things like “I don’t want to be her Daddy”. Yes, it’s more common for men to prefer a relationship between peers, where the girl is treated as a partner.

I suggest that’s not the dynamic that women are built for. They settle into relationships with much more sustainable passion when the man is the leader. When he does act like her authority figure in her life – like her Daddy.

I understand that most men don’t want the responsibility.

The type of person who would and could strike a woman who is misbehaving as a last effective resort to correct her extreme bad behavior (a single open handed slap as per Sean Connery’s interview with Barbara Walters) is the type of guy who has internalized in himself the attitude of being the man in charge, the authority figure, the king of his castle who doesn’t take shit, and who OWNS his woman.

He isn’t a man on a mutual journey with a woman; the woman attaches herself to him, and out of her freely giving over her will, he owns and controls her. She belongs to him.

This is a very major shift in attitude. It’s not the only way to have relationships, obviously, as most men don’t do this.

But it’s what I advocate.

16 Responses to “Is she your equal partner or your charge? Friend or daughter?”

  1. Hero said

    About six months ago I started prompting my wife to call me daddy during sex. After some initial resistance she often volunteers it now. When it was apparent that she had let go of the social stigma of using that word it became like a fuel for the fire of passion. I love the way it sounds coming out of her mouth and into my ear. It has a marked effect on me. I feel stronger, more encompassing of her and I can tell she feels the increased heat of my energy.

    Also, I have been experimenting with the energy of frame control. At first I would focus on the mental part of setting the frame in our relationship. Now I almost completely focus on the way that energy feels in my body. I usually focus on my chakras, especially the lower red and orange chakras, to ground my own energy. When I feel my energy getting scattered or anxious, I take a moment to center and ground myself. The resulting interactions with my wife are vastly different than when I am not centered.

    It amazes me how quickly I can change my dynamic with women. From feeling needy, anxious and beta to grounded, strong and alpha in just a moment of time.

    Xsplat, I know you have done a lot of energy work. Can you speak to this or refer me to some posts of your’s that discuss this? I am interesting in expanding my abilities in this area.

  2. B said

    @ Hero and xsplat: Where do I learn about all this energy chakra stuff?

    @ xsplat: Could you get American women to call you daddy?

    • xsplat said

      The first girl I did that sexual role playing with was 42 to my 33, and we were living together in the states.

      It took me a while to grow from that initial seed to an internalized full time personality.

      A lot of behaviors have been planted from experimentation in role play. Just going with whatever comes up and seeing where it takes you.

      • t said

        Can the daddy complex be used if she thinks you’re cute? A lot of guys are automatically put into the cute category rather than what we would normally consider manly.

      • xsplat said

        I’ve never been described as manly. At best I used to be described as cute – I don’t get that anymore.

        This is a dynamic that is more personality based than looks based. And in my younger years I was as far from that personality as can be. So I believe that it can be learned.

    • Hero said


      Take a look at this page.

      Close your eyes and focus on the location and color of each chakra.

      I find that focusing on the individual color of the chakra is a good way to get in touch with the energy there. I often find that when I can not clearly see the color in my mind it indicates that I have blockage of energy there or the energy is not in tune.

      Spend time focusing on that color until you can see it clearly in your mind and feel the energy in your body.

    • anonymous said


  3. […] Random Xpat Rantings – The Cult Of Future-Time-Orientation, Why Men Bond Over Sports, Is She Your Equal. . . […]

  4. Speaking of the dynamics within a relationship — not at work or in the public sphere — I find that communicating to my wife’s rationality and logic works best when I have sufficiently established my dominance to keep her from falling back on emotion and attention in a discussion. Once you engage their attention sufficiently, then they can quit struggling for it and speak like reasonable human beings. Sure, that kind of effort isn’t for everyone, but once you figure out the basics the rest comes so naturally that there really is little effort involved. It’s like any learnable skill: the more you practice it, the easier it gets and the more artful you get.

  5. rivsdiary said


  6. rivsdiary said

    this is *just* like dog training. dogs respond to confidence and can smell fear, meaning weakness.

  7. t said

    If you learned this personality, would you say moving out of your geographical area helped? Not in the sense of having more status, but more in terms of being away from people who are accustomed to your old personality.

    • xsplat said

      The initial stage had to do with sexual role play. Moving to SE Asia helped me to date much younger girls, and that facilitated expanding on the dynamic shown by role play. As I prefer petite and neotenous girls, especially if they are hyperfeminine (and hypersexual), my choices also facilitated the dynamic.

      I was firmly named “Daddy” by all the girls I dated by the time I was in Thailand, over 10 years ago, and this continued into the time in Philippines, and then back to Indonesia.

      Each new girl taught me a little bit more, through trial and error, and then some 7 years ago the whole dynamic, which I was already very aware of, was enhanced by reading and writing on game blogs, especially Roissy’s blog. The daily reading and writing along with living with girls made for even more conscious re-enforcement of patterns that seemed to work, and weeded out patterns that didn’t.

      So the whole internalizing and refining process of this internal attitude takes time, and continues to evolve. I’d expect role play will be the easiest place to start. You want to really feel and embody the emotions, and get into them with a girl who is giving strong feedback, and sex is where that can happen fast and strong.

  8. I also advocate this, and believe it or not, even the Bible does too.

  9. […] was an excellent comment left on rollo’s blog, that xsplat noticed and wrote about, and god damn it does it explain a […]

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