xsplat: It is my contention that game that only addresses getting women into bed is 1/10th of what is required for successful LTRs and medium term relationships and even harem management.
I don’t consider it an “abundance mentality” to forego intimacy just because getting new conquests is easy. Men have emotional needs that will go unfulfilled if all we do is have fuck buddies and one night stands.
The point of game isn’t to validate ourselves with notches to hold up to other men as trophies. It’s to live a happy fulfilled life.
For men who enjoy intimacy and romance, in order to maximize happiness, you have to be expert at what Krauser calls “deep conversion”. Expert at getting women head over heels in love and keeping her that way. And then more – expert at turning them into devoted love slaves.
Getting the notch isn’t the whole game.
iknowexactly: There’s always a trade-off between companionship and independence, and each person has an optimal balance. Hopefully you and your chick ( or you and your succession of chicks) have similar levels of intimacy needs.
I don’t want to be a constantly receding cipher.
I’m not saying attachment proneness is good or bad ( he’s implying it’s simply stupid), just that each person has their own circuitry, and trying to live your life as if you have someone else’s can be a mistake.
I have high pair-bonding tendency, I like the idea someone knows me, is compassionate about my weaknesses, and wants to be known by me.
I don’t want to come home to a house that’s always empty. I don’t want to have to constantly play with distancing and intimidation with a mate.
No one’s right, there’s just a wide spectrum.
Rollo on Emma Watson being cast as female lead in the upcoming 50 Shades of Grey movie:
Only in feminized America can a series of horribly written books, by a fan-fiction author, about sexual practices women say they abhor become an overwhelming best seller, be made into a major motion picture, and the lead role played by a woman who’s “uncomfortable with being sexy.”
This is the societal meta-hamster of the feminine imperative.
Tom White: The reason no one gives a damn how many female high school teachers fuck high school boys is that no one is jealous. Neither high school boys or female high school teachers are in their sexual prime.
A reminder from Badgerhut that not all attraction boils down in the end to confidence:
As a shorthand, talking about a guy’s “game” can refer to his overall success with women – the quality of woman he’s attracting and how frequently he has women in his life. But for the most part, when we talk about “game” we’re talking about social behavior: how you interact with people (especially women), what that communicates about you, how it influences others’ mental states, and how it moves your goals forward (or doesn’t). In short, it’s your personality + action patterns in the social sphere.
Game isn’t the only lever of attraction you can pull. You can trigger or modulate attraction based on a bunch of factors, including:
* Physical constitution (height, build, facial structure, symmetry)
* Fitness (however it’s built, a body in shape looks better and gives off better hormonal signals)
* Earning power and access to resources
* Social status (influence and power, plus how cool your job is)
* Displayed ability to dominate other men (fitness) or to attract women (preselection)
* Social ability with women, i.e. game (opening, generating interest, avoiding fitness tests, building personal connection, creating intrigue and plausible deniability, escalating effectively)
How do these things add up? It’s situational and hard to say. But boosting any of these will boost your attraction among most women.
In reply to this comment of Greggs of how women are painfully predictable to the point of being hollow:
Of course, (when women are in) this acquisitive mode, massaging your little ego is nothing but biological program implanted in her in order to catch and hold male of high SMV value. There is VOID, there is NOTHING in women besides those automatic programs. Therefore Freud could not understand them – he was searching for the core, for soul. He were somehow able to understand males. But in women – he found nothing. Women are on autopilot all the time. In their natural, emotional state they are most charming and most lethal. Logic can ruin it all. Amusing creatures
xsplat: We men also have automated sub-routines running inside of us. A pretty face and an hourglass figure causes many involuntary reactions. Even our love is conditional.
So I advocate managing the women like a puppet, but doing so with the intention of managing our own internal sub-routines also. We are happier when we have regular sex, when we feel some emotional bonds in our lives, when people show us affection, and even when people treat us as having relatively high status.
We have the option to take the every-man-should-strive-to-be-an-imperturbable-self-contained-island-of-equanimity-and-joy attitude, but I think it’s a cold hard fact that our sub-routines never really go away. It makes perfect sense to manage our outward life in order to attain inward happiness and fulfillment.
So being expert at keeping women in that aquisitive state is a form of auto-regulation.
On women’s solipsism:
xsplat: Apollo, women are not capable of cognizing a man living for his own satisfaction. It does not compute. To them it’s impossible. Wrong. Must be corrected.
It’s built in. When I was 27 I mentioned to a pretty 21 year old lass that I was never going to marry again or have more children, and she was appalled.
Well, biologically speaking, she should be programmed to be appalled. That’s what men are for!
Some guys are appalled at lesbianism. But, but, you can’t be a lesbian! You are hot! And if you are a lesbian it means you are of no use to me, but that’s just wrong! Hot girls should be of use!
Women can not grasp the concept that men are not extensions of their own solipsism. That we have our own agendas.
It’s the same with mentioning that you don’t want kids. Does not compute. They actually refuse to believe you! They think you are lying, or somehow don’t know what you want, or that you’ll come around, eventually.
On the “collapse” of society:
xsplat: I don’t hanker for the dying social order that I hear men grieving over. I never was a family man, so I can’t share that emotional connection. So for me I don’t see a collapse of society, because I don’t define society as being the social order of families. Instead of social collapse I see social change, and I’m fine with it, because it benefits me. I never wanted a family, and if all the girls are stuck in monogamous marriages and marrying young, I can’t live the lifestyle I want.
So every time I hear of social collapse, it’s always a puzzle to me. Collapse?
But now I get it. It’s collapse of not of our economic system that is being talked about. It’s collapse of the way of lifetime monogamy and two for lifetime parent families.
Guys like me who prefer the girls being able to flit between men either date by date or year by year are still motivated to produce economically. More so. Those who remain in the dating game know that wealth gives them a dating edge. Especially over the long haul. Which is exactly what we are in for if we don’t marry.
It’s true that men can adjust to less sex. Some can, at least. We can also adjust to not eating chocolate or drinking wine or eating steak.
I hear that it’s a cost benefit calculation.
I’d like to think that with supporting life choices, the cost benefit swings to the favor of satisfying and loving intimacy with (a variety of) women.
And this very inspiring comment from Giovonny
The short answer is to simply do more repititions of whatever it is that you’re scared of. If your scared to talk to girls, talk to 100 girls, if your scared to give speeches, give 100 speeches.
Facing your fear head on is the alpha thing to do!
I also recommened doing things that are much scarier then talking to girls like:
handling large snakes
fighting (like live sparring for boxing/mma)
talking to a therapist about your deepest fears (this is a highly underrated inner game tactic)
Addresing your specific fears like:
When you eliminate your deep seeded childhood fears, all other little fears melt away. Fear and confidence are in a constant struggle to control your mind. Attack your fear and feed your confidence!
This type of stuff has worked for me. I take fear elimination very serious.
Conquering my fear and feeding my confidence has been maybe the most important thing in my life the last few years. I realized that the less fear I have, the happier I am, the more free I am. That might be the most fundamental part of Game – having no fear. Its so liberating. You don’t have to worry about people judging you, people liking you, or trying to fit in. You are free to just be yourself and have fun. You don’t give a fuck! (when fear is gone)
I can’t live with fear. I feel like a little pussy loser who is afraid to face the world. So I attack fear. I’ve talked to many sports psychologists and many colleagues in psychology to develop a strategy that works for my specific situation. I work hard on “inner game” because game begins in the mind.
Fear has infected many people. Everybody is so scared of everything. I can’t live like that. I live for fearlessness.
Working on all aspects of your appearance is very important!
You want to look as good as possible, of course.
But I consider that “outer game”. It doesn’t fix the weaknesses is your mind. (though it may help them somewhat)
I think we have to work on both at the same time.
If lifting weights works for you then of course due it hard.
But, don’t ignore those little fears that are in the back of your head when you go to bed at night. If you can conquer those, you will go to another level.
I’m trying to get to an almost spiritual level where its like I’m on ecstasy even though I’m not.
pitt Wrote: Do you mind if you breakdown how you go along with skydiving, bungee jumping, handling large snakes etc, i mean, do you do those activities on regular basis (for example twice a week) or you reccommend to do it for a one time life experience
I didn’t know about “game” when I did those things, but now when I look back, I think those things helped me. I’ve only done those things once in my life and would never do them again but I’m glad I did it once. With skydiving and bungee-jumping, once is enough to shake you up a little. I thought I was dead, so when I got back on the ground I was approaching like crazy.
You should do something extreme like this asap AND find a fear eliminating exercise that you can do on a regular basis. Maybe a boxing/mma gym or a rock climbing class or firing range where you can shoot guns or surfing or something that will force you to face some fear.
AND, You should identify the top 2 or 3 fears that are holding you back from being the man you want to be and aggressively attack them.
AND, you should consider talking to a professional therapist about any fear that you may have carried from your childhood. If you have any “issues”, deal with them honestly and aggressively.
Design a fear elimination game plan and get to work.
So you are doing extreme once in a lifetime stuff, regular confidence boosting maintenance, and also working on root of the problem in your mind. AND, at the same time you are improving your “outer game” in terms of appearance, vibe, and conversation.
Thats what I would do. (Thats what worked for me)
Oh, and I must admit, these helped alot too..
omething related that I posted last year:
I learned this by accident but something that helped me was DOING THINGS THAT WERE MUCH SCARIER THEN APPROACHING GIRLS.
I went skydiving and nearly shit my pants, when i got back on the ground i couldn’t wait to approach girls..i had just experienced a great deal of fear and i was laughing it off…approaching girls didn’t seem that scary anymore.
Other things that helped were boxing in the Golden Gloves, talking to my mom about why she left my dad, bungee jumping, etc. The bottom line is the more you face your fears…the less fear you will have stored in your body/mind…when you eliminate all that fear, approaching girls is easy.
Another way to increase confidence is to deal with any unresolved emotional issues that you might have. I think that stuff is deep Inner Game. Carrying around alot of emotional baggage can have a negative effect on your vibe. Sometimes you gotta just stay home alone for a few days and really think about stuff. If you have more internal peace, you might be more comfortable and have more confidence.
Talking to my parents about why they divorced helped me get over alot of anger and pain.
Which allowed me to be more relaxed and soften my vibe so that it was more attractive to females. My sense of humor picked up and my attitude was more playful and less intense. I started dressing with more swag because I was more comfortable with who I was.
Forgiving someone, forgiving yourself, having a heart to heart talk with a parent or sibling, these kinds of things can sometimes release weight off your chest and allow you to display more of your “best self”.
As far as approaching girls to build confidence?
I think its the best way. Because you are killing 8 birds with one stone.
When you approach a cute girl, you are working on your:
quick thinking/problem solving
And it builds the right kind of confidence. Confidence in talking to cute girls.
Here is my most current answer:
If fear is controlling your life and you lack confidence..
Get professional help!
Yes, that is my answer. If your fear is paralyzing you and you can barely take action, that is what you need. You can figure it out on your own but that will take alot longer and wil have alot more ups and downs. A professional psychologist or therapist can help you identify your fears, their causes, and how to eliminate them. Those people do this everyday. This will kick start and accelerate your fear elimination process. Try different people and find one that you like. Once you get your fears identified and their roots, you can really get to work. I only did this for about a month when I was a teen but I wish I would have done it more.
I would compare it to getting into game. What would be better? Reading and studying on your own? Or, doing a bootcamp with Roosh?
The bootcamp with Roosh would probably be more helpful. Because he is A PROFESSIONAL!
Spend the money, take the time, get professional help!
Doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists, therapists, counselors, life coaches, puas, etc.
Find the people who are experts at your situation!
Here are some techniques that I didn’t mention in the earlier posts..
1)Google “eliminating fear” and educate yourself
2)Read books on the subject
Here an author that I like:
For some reason experiencing another far away culture often helps eliminate some fear.
This means different things to different people. For me, its just getting into a situation where I don’t have to think, I can just react and play. I play soccer, basketball, and tennis. I do yoga. I dance. These things allow me to operate without thoughts or fears. These things come mostly from my muscle memory, I don’t have to think. This break from fear and thought allows me to just live/play without feeling any fear. I am a guy who sees that there is no reason to be scared. If I am scared, then I am confused by my thoughts. Make sense?