My Dad had a rough patch where he was in extremely dire financial shape. After working hard and getting himself back on his feet, he invested heavily in real estate right before a housing bubble crashed and wound up in an even deeper hole.
His new common law wife complained to me that she wished he wasn’t so old school about his feelings and could share his burden with her. That he was too stoic and independent.
I didn’t understand why he was that way at the time. I was a sensitive new age guy, and agreed with her.
Now I see he knew his business. As difficult as that must have been for him, he kept his own counsel and bore his own burdens.
I hear guys complain that to maintain attraction they have to appease the womans hypergamous instincts by wearing a mask over their troubles. They say it’s a burdensome effort. I also used to look to my main companion for solace during trying times. I thought it was natural. Over time I’ve slowly learned to keep such things to myself. I understand that’s not ideal. Guys would prefer emotional support – especially as we don’t talk about feelings with other men. So who else can we turn to?
The answer, unfortunately, is no one. We really have to stand on our own in some areas. If you know of a different solution, I’d like to hear it. I don’t think it’s reasonable to have unreasonable expectations, and our community of experience shows us that women are not useful for solace.
I think it was Rob from the No-maam blog who said that women are to men as children are to women. Can you imagine a mother expecting emotional support from her child? That would be an insane burden to put onto a child.
But we men expect to do the same with our women. As if they were adults capable of sharing in our concerns. They are not, in the same way a child is not. And worse, they lose attraction when we try to share the weight of our burdens with them. It doesn’t matter how kind and empathetic the woman is, how much she tries to be on our team. It’s a biological setup – her expectations of you are primal, and built right into her circuitry. The parent does not look to the child for emotional support. To do so is to cast a spell calling forth doom.
We were led very far astray to ever view women as “partners”, and feminism has ruined our internal programming by trying to have us consider them our equals.
They are our chattel, and our responsibility. They are not our partners.